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I have been wanting to just completely soak my dick with lube and just slowly fuck someone romantically but ofc with NSA unless you could change my mind lol 😩 though I’ve only been a bottom before I think I’d love to top from time to time (yeah I’m a verse haha) but it’s just something about getting my dick all covered and slimy with lube is just so fucking hot 🥵

Hi guys, I took up the task of being a BW Moderator with a very poetic desire to provide help and safe space for the rising population of younger (and highly possibly confused and worried) gay/bi guys coming to Blowing Wind to explore and find themselves and try to navigate life as men who have sex with men. (And of course I would be happy to offer advice to anyone of any ages, provided you want to receive it) After careful consideration, I have decided to run a small Confessions/HTHT/Help Corner programme/initiative. A safe space for you to ask your questions, share your worries and seek advice to overcome the tough yet rewarding journey of exploring yourself, your sexuality and relationships with surrounding people as men who have sex with men (a.k.a. gay, bi men) 1) You can send confessions totally anonymously. Your confessions will be checked every Friday. 2) I will post them on Blowing Wind Member's Lounge so only members can give their own advice and points of view (and you still can read their replies anonymously). I will exercise censorship on troll and judgmental replies as I deem fit, to prevent hurting the "confessants". 3) I'm currently working on a tracking mechanism so confessants can keep track and read new replies easily. Will update once I figure it out. 4) Click HERE to confess/ask question/share your worries.

My dad is one of those traditional Chinese men. He does not say much and was very stern. He was hardly close to us kids and always hang out with his pals. I was sure he has his flings. The only thing different about him from other men of his age was his interest in body building before gym culture even started in Singapore. I noticed he always had rather sexy briefs but that was just maybe his taste. One day during a three day rain storm and dad would stay in his office, I was out and took a detour to see him at site. I was 25 just out of the army and he was 55. He was not in the office when I arrived and an Indian worker in the office said he is in the makeshift dorm where we used to house workers, The look on the worker's face was odd but I didn't know he was enjoying what he expected to happen. I went to the dorm, and there were three Indian men sitting on the floor facing into the dimly lit room, the door was open as no one usually come to these sites. I approached and then I saw this huge hairy , burly Indian worker naked and standing facing the room where he can look right out the door. A man was sucking him. A Chinese man. From the bac I could tell immediately it was dad. And he was sucking hard. The worker being sucked saw me and looked at me, and the others turned their heads. I was shocked and my mouth was open, but they gestured me to be silent Later on, as if to avoid my dad seeing me, the worker bein sucked bent down and talked to dad and then tied a tie around dad's eyes to blindfold him, Another worker got up to be sucked by dad while the one who was sucked just now came to the door with his hard on. I have never thought of men before, and I had a girlfriend whom i just had my first sexual experience with a month ago, Watching dad ducking the second man was disgusting and I turned and walked away. I went to see my girlfriend as there was no mobile in those days. Girlfriend was not home but her dad invited me to go in to wait. He saw my distraught look, miserable from being wet in the rain going up the path that led to their flat. I could not being myself to say what I saw but I only said I saw dad doing something shocking. He offered me some whisky to help and I eventually blurted everything I saw. He was grim and attentive. When I finished, he asked me if I feel shocked, ashamed and all that... an he asked if I felt excited watching dad. I didn't think about being excited, but as soon as he suggested it, I started thinking about it and, boy, I had the hardest throbbing hard on suddenly. I think he saw it. He told me to go home and not mention it to anyone as dad must have his reasons. I went home and jerked off that day. After that i stopped thinking about it and continue dating girls for many years until dad passed away and i took over the business. The workers whom dad sucked, one of them came back one year to work, and it bought back memories, Since then, I have been cruising gay channels without actually having any fling. But I stayed in hostels to work and look at the men. Some of them notice I look at them with a hard on, but I never touched any of them. Once, I found my underwear gone from the hook when I finished my shower at the hostel. Someone must have taken it as a joke. The next day, I found it in my drawer, obviously used by someone man, the stains showing and smelling. To this day, I am still on the edge and trying not to fall. Am I wasting my life? I cannot imagine my son seeing me in exactly the same situation as I saw dad.

Anyone would like to share their confession story here? I'll start. I confess that... I have crush with my neighbour who is married. He's so damn cute. I hope to fuck him one day. I have been thinking of it since the day I met him (and his wife).

Hi everyone, I guess I am just ranting and hopefully get some constructive feedback and perspective from the fellow members here. Just to share my side of story, I recently have been binge-dating with different guys because of some personal issues. I want to connect with strangers who do not know me and eventually establish a different support system/group. But my intentions weren't solely on that, I welcome all the side fun and whatever that comes along I guess. There was this bi guy who I felt quite connected to because he was able to respond and carry on discussions about all my odd topics that I threw on him, so it instantly became a good start and I took a liking on him. Nothing serious and I thought it was a good match to connect because he only started exploring his bisexuality and I thought I could be a good friend/brother for moral support. Fast forward and we agreed to go on our first date, the day before I got quite annoyed cause I had to put in the efforts to travel and his vibe was a bit off-putting to me. Anyway, I decided to go to meet him, we grabbed a drink and we talked, felt a bit like a friend catch up, although I thought the date was quite sucky and he seemed disinterested to have a second round for fun or whatever, I offered to grab dinner but he declined and gave the impression he needed to go home. So feeling that there is no second date, I texted him and told him honestly about my feelings in the hope you can take away some pointers to meet his subsequent dates. To my surprise, he thought the meet up went well (according to his definition if he still wants to meet up for a second time then it means it went well) and I found out that we would have brought me home to play if I had indicated so. To him, I did not give him any signal to proceed, so that felt a bit like opportunity wasted for me and makes me wanna meet him sooner for the next date to make up the missed out parts. Then we chatted and texted each other quite regularly and shared our own experiences with other dates. I kinda developed a crush on another date of mine and him too on his other date, so we became a bit more like friends than fun buddies. But I told him I still wanted to have fun with him and tried to keep the chat a bit light and dirty as well, and my progress with my crush did not go well because I felt like I was being toyed (my crush would ghost on me and come find me whenever he wants). Meanwhile, he actually played with his crush but it ended also badly because his crush blocked him afterwards. Then he tried to avoid me by postponing our second date to June, I was not aware that he actually felt pressured and that our lines and boundaries became very blurry. Every now and then he told me he had like last minute fun and would schedule to fun with someone, it made me feel a bit not valued because I expected him to prioritize me in the fun queue. So I told him about my feelings (I feel we were quite honest with each other) and my side of story. I got very upset and felt annoyed and then he wrote me a letter to apologise and reflected on his 'mistakes'. He said he can't express well via chat so he promised to call that night but in the end he said he went back to parents' and couldn't call, I felt a bit annoyed. The logical sense of me is like wtf did he actually reflect if he plans to do sth that will annoy people, and what's the value in the apologies and how sincere is me. Anyway, he maybe sensed that I was quite upset and he said he could go to the balcony and do a short call, but I feel I don't want him to accidentally come out and reveal his sexuality so I told him to schedule the call the next night. Again, he said he has badminton session and wants to schedule the call to 11.45. I told him I am tired by that time but I would make the effort to take the nap beforehand to take that call since it's bugging me more than him. Then, the night came he never replied me and did not answer my call. The first thought was he was busy and maybe something was wrong and I was a bit worried, but then I quickly realised I probably thought too much and felt disgusted by his actions. It turns out he had a last minute date with another guy that was spontaneous and he was busy the whole night losing his virginity and getting his ass fucked by him. So the next morning I asked him and he did eventually give me a call and told me the whole story. Naturally, I felt hurt and upset and bitter because I have only been nice and sincere and felt so taken advantage of emotionally. I told him my side of story and said I wanted to have that fun with him but he said he wants to be friends only because I put too much pressure on him and he wants to have a clearer boundary. Anyway, I was upset but eventually agreed that we should cool down and really meet in June but not for fun, more for dinner and discuss if we can be friends or support system to each other. I told him the way he treats me makes me feel worthless and so disposable, it's so not cool. He acknowledged that and politely asked me not to feel that way cause it is not my fault. I find it quite stupid from my end though. He was not my crush out of all my dates but definitely the one I feel most emotionally attached to. I know I can be too sensitive and persistent and that can take out the fun element and put pressure on people, but I felt it's so damaging to my self-esteem. After speaking to him, I am not sure whether I actually like him or I am just obsessed with the fact that I missed the chance to actually have fun with him and I want to make up for that. I feel like this kind of people sometimes are quite shameless, they don't know what they want and they have tons of excuse to do hurtful things, as if they never realise they lack basic human decency and respect. He said he believes in karma, but he certainly doesn't not live his life with that principle. I don't believe in karma but the evil side of me is thinking, if karma does exist, then I hope it will be his bitch. The audacity of him promising to give me a call and then ditching me, waiting like an idiot, and still shamelessly acting as if nothing happens, that amazes me quite a bit. Perhaps my impression of him being a nice and sincere guy was wrong, it was blinded by my connection towards him and the fact that I miss out the chance to have fun with him. Then, I basically bugged him the whole day with messages, just to kinda annoy him and pay him back but I don't think it bugs him at all. So it feels quite silly from my end, as if I am creating the drama myself and playing a role in it, in the end I was the one getting hurt and affected, and he still stands from the moral high hill and said it's his fault bla bla bla but clearly it did not upset him much. I am pretty naive and gullible I feel, I feel like I did have a certain trust and expectations with him but he repays me with these actions that feel like he is toying me around. Do you guys think it is a good thing to meet him in June when we both kinda cool down a bit? I hate that feeling that I feel like I can't trust his words anymore because of what he did to me. It's like when he says sorry it does not carry the meaning to my ears and when he says sth nice, I would second guess his words. It's such a stark contrast during the first week of chatting because I felt like I connected with someone that I liked and could hopefully trust to be a supportive buddy. Just hope to hear from you guys, whether positive or negative though. P.S I even asked his consent if I could share this here (I think I am quite considerate) but I told him try not to read it. If he does, he said he will let me know. I most likely will delete this thread if he reads it, I don't want to create more drama cause I'm doing this for myself, not for him.

I was wondering how did members/guest on this forum discovered/found/stumble upon it? Did someone introduce you to it or you were looking for something else 😛 and discovered it. I will set the ball rolling, for me it was a visit to MacRitchie reservoir and the wonderful view of a young divine something preparing himself for ablutions in the way god had made him. I was convinced that the gay radars of SG must have discovered it much earlier and there might be some information online of it (or at least the infamous open showers) and discovered the BW forum. Rest is history as I discovered a lottt more on/and thru, this forum....😍

GUY#1: Stays at Trellis Tower, Non Chinese, Not Singaporean, Invited me to his place in 2019, I was using the G App, & in 2021 he invited me to his place for a 2nd time. when he opened the door for me, I instantly recognised him, HE DIDN'T. why?!? GUY#2, 2nd #TrueStory: Stays at Tampines East, Stays alone, is Gym Fit & ONLY seeks lean for fun. Doesn't want to invite me to his place in 2021, so I said a white lie: "Don't U rem the last time we had fun?" he replies, "No wonder U look familiar...here's my address." when he opened the door for me, he instantly says,"No leh, I've never seen U before loh." MORALE OF THE STORY: GUY#1 suffers from amnesia. & GUY#2 suffers from anamnesis. MORALE OF THE STORY: Guy#2 has slept with too many men...that he can't differentiate my face pic...but i am honoured to be invited to his place becoz of this mistaken-identity mistake, LOL #TrueStory

***I will not read any P.M. & I will block U***DoNotMessageMe!!! SINGAPORE MARRIED( i will not reveal the actual name of the group): 70 members. SINGAPORE MARRIED( a 2nd group): 26 members. SINGAPORE MARRIED (3rd group): 103 members. SINGAPORE, for SINGLES: 64 members. SINGAPORE, name of group is called: M.C. : 474 members. SMALL DICKS, 43 members. MASSAGE IN SG: 314 members. PROUT: 3400 members. Q.TOWN: 494 members. TALK COCK group: 11 members. CHURCH, FCC: 106 members. FOR FUN: 1435 members. 2nd group FOR FUN: 96 members. 3rd group FOR FUN: 25 members. SWIM WEAR: 774 members. SG GUYS: 962 members. CONTENT POSTED IS: NSFW. SG EXHIBIT IN PUBLIC: 162 members. SG IN PUBLIC PLACES: 58 members. KEYBOX only: 364 members. SAUNA 1 & 2 & 3: 129 members. OFFICIAL, SAUNA, TEN MENS CLUB: 2800 subscribers. 1 POST PER WEEK. any porn in their posts? NO. OFFICIAL, SAUNA, KEYBOX: 3500 members. Updated on:22-2-2022

Have you ever come across someone you ever developed good feeling towards but didn’t have the chance to confess? My story began way back when I was in my primary school. Back then, I had already developed liking towards guys but I was always in denial thinking something must be wrong with me. So there came this tall and tanned school mate whom I came across and whenever I bumped into him, he would wink at me and made some cheeky greeting. My heart always palpitated whenever that happened. Ya, I know, such typical drama scene.. and as expected, I would end up shying away and I couldn’t recall if I ever responded to his friendly gesture. There was this one awkward occasion when we were in the same class, while walking passed him, he suddenly reached out his hand to grope me and he started joking about it with his kakis. I swear I had the shock of my life and was too petrified to react. While I know back then he was just being naughty, I’m sure he would never guess the impact his mischievous act did on me. Perhaps that catalyses my sexual orientation towards men. As we progressed into our secondary level (we were in different schools already), we occasionally bumped into each other in my neighbourhood. Coincidentally, we both were bringing our siblings to school. As usual, he with his super cool greeting as we passed by while again me with my super uncool smile. As I matured, I began to think what would happen if I were a bit more pro-active in responding to his friendly greeting. Would something sparkle between us? Well, my in-denial inner-me continued to stay strong and forbid me to change anything. In the recent years, I spotted him teaching swimming in Tampines Safra while I had my regular swim. We both have aged in our ways and he has aged into such charming and mature man. I wish he could have spotted me and I certainly missed his cheeky smile. I probably would muster enough courage to stay in touch with him if he could recognise me. Well, I realised I probably had fallen for him long ago.. That’s my little life story of secretly falling in love with my school mate. How about you?

"I never feel confident about my own look and body. I look way younger than my age and I don’t have a very masculine look (quite thin but still chubby and dont have a lot of body hairs). I am in my late 20s but I look like a late teen. I never have any relationship and I am a virgin. I do masturbate but I mostly imagine to be a manlier version of myself. I’m kinda confused. I don’t really know my preference. One day I came across to search about gay sauna. I was just being curious and led me to BW. My didi stood up when I read most of the threads here. I feel I might be one but I dont really know how to navigate myself. I am so late to the scene. I dont really know how to start as a beginner." - Just take your time to explore the wonder of the gay world... haha... Make sure to only make friends and meet with nice people who make you feel comfortable and feel good about yourself, they will teach you the ways of the gay world. Have a great time 😁 _BlinkOnce_

firstly, HAPPY 56th Birthday SINGAPORE!!! The theme for NDP 2021 is(1) Together, (2) Our Singapore Spirit. here is a Gay Perspective... ...& a social satire ENTIRELY INSPIRED by real life events i witnessed, during covid... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ from the Website: (1) ‘Together’ evokes our common Singapore identity and Singaporeans coming together as one united people. during Circuit Breaker, Saunas were closed, we could not have sex... for the 1st time in Singapore's history, Gay Men was stuck in a "Sex Drought". the Pandemic caused us to have less sex. But did the Pandemic change our sex lives? so (1) 'Together' ... some guys still managed to have O.N.S. !!! & this goes to show... our common Singapore identity to pick up guys & get laid, brings us (1) Together. naturally, when the above-mentioned is achieved... (1) some Singaporeans love to come together as 1 United People... this could mean Nationalism... or being patriotic towards the LGBTQ Community... so that's my definition of TOGETHER. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i thought i am "Cheong Hei"... but our dear Gahmen is worse... they define (2) OUR SINGAPORE SPIRIT into 5 parts... can't they reduce it to 3 ?!? 'Our Singapore Spirit’ calls on Singaporeans to [1] draw new strength from our “can-do” spirit amidst challenging circumstances from COVID-19 & [2] potential disruptions in the new decade. [3] We look to reinvigorate the Singapore Spirit - - [4] encouraging Singaporeans to embrace a “dare-to-try” attitude &, [5] encouraging Singaporeans to reinvent to overturn our natural and geographical constraints. for [1], when the Gahmen served me a Quarantine Order for standing next to an infected-person... i had no choice but to draw strength from this challenging circumstance... i don't know can this apply to [2], i found it strange some guys on Grindr would put their profile as: "UNDER QUARANTINE"... so sad rite? They want to "Grind", but they are being [2] disrupted by this new decade where Quarantined is legit. the word "Quarantine" never existed in the Singapore Vocabulary/Dictionary from 1965 to 2019, LOL how can we [3] reinvigorate the SINGAPORE SPIRIT? simple! Let the young ones EXPRESS MORE, Let the middle-aged-ones get MORE EXCITED ABOUT LIFE, & for our "Merdeka Gen" & "Pioneer Generation"... EMPLOY MORE OF THEM... so here's my WISH LIST: the young ones, who will settle them? Ministry for Culture, Community & Youth. for those my age? maybe give gay men "Free VPN" to make their nights happier? maybe they can help: Ministry for Communications & Information. Lastly, for our Seniors... supposed to give to the [Ministry for Health]... but they are busy managing covid, so "bo bian", we let "Ministry for Manpower" keep them busy 😃 ------------------------------------- this is too "Cheem" for me... i don't understand what it means so i better not comment on it: [5] encouraging Singaporeans to reinvent to overturn our natural and geographical constraints. -------------------------------------- Lastly, [4] encouraging Singaporeans to embrace a “dare-to-try” attitude: Some Singaporean-Drivers dare to take risk to drive on bus lane... are we enc this "Dare-to-Try" Attitude? Some Singapore-Husbands want to break out of the monotony of marriage... so are we gonna enc them to "Dare-to_Try" XXX ? maybe not... last year, we "Dare-to-Try" & we won an Olympic Medal... sadly this year, we dared & we tried, but no medal =( last Election, some Voters "Dare-to-Try" to vote for Jamus...& he won!!! shall we enc Singaporeans to "Dare-to-Try" at the next polls? if u have time, my post on the NDP thread last week, helps u understand why i don't like Singapore's annual event. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In conclusion, the 557 words above, is a result of me living here all my life, & the shared-experience of a nation facing covid, Sorry if u were offended by any of my statements above, i will be 40 soon, & i SINCERELY hope Singapore will be more inclusive, & that means the G don't need to give us a [Theme] that has 73 words or 525 characters... just condense it into 1 Line: 'Our Singapore Spirit’ calls on Singaporeans to [1] be more obedient, [2] during gd & bad times, we must... ...always[3] Reinvigorate the Singapore Spirit by allowing FREE ENTRY TO CASINO, ...always[4] enc Singaporeans to be more active so we build more swimming pools... but if u are Gay... we(the Gahmen) won't let u enter... unless u promise not to Cruise... ...always[5] forget the fact that we are 728.6 km². ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Editor's Note: i hope u had a gd laugh, & a gd read, i enjoyed writing it, even though i hope i don't get an sms from the Gahmen... On a serious note, as a Singaporean, i like to thank anyone reading this who is non-Singaporean, (1) thank u for migrating from ur home-country to be with us, (2) i know u miss ur family back home so thank u for the economic contributions u have made over the years, & for the rest of us... enjoy the public holiday 😃

"I’m married. I love my wife and kids. But there is this part of me that have sexual desires with man. I control my urges as much as possible, but I’m weak. Sometime I give in to my inner demons, I had fun. In my defense (if it matters), I made sure it’s clean safe and non anal. That’s the bit of consolation I give to myself. This is not right, I know. But I can’t help it. I hate myself for it. I want to be just like any other straight married man, but I know i can’t, and I plan to keep this a secret until I die. There’s too much at stake if this secret is out. I can’t even imagine. There’s nothing wrong being gay, but it’s wrong when you live your life under the pretense of something." - I can't really offer any advice for this matter, because it seems like you are fully aware of the situation with its pros and cons yet are still stuck. I just hope writing out your struggle of keeping a secret helps alleviate it a little. Please treat your family members extra well, for you have been keeping a secret from them. Cheers. _BlinkOnce

What body part / look attracts you most? you may like up to 4 body parts / criteria. (Ok, more if u must )

"Hello everyone, I have just discovered this forum as a 22 year old gay man in Malaysia. I have never known that there was such a community here for PLU and it's quite a positive thing to see because I think it can help alot of young PLU's. I guess I'm mainly writing in to express my troubles, and an anonymous forum seems like the perfect safe zone for that. You can refer to me as J, I'm pretty straight passing in manner and appearance and I'm also someone that struggles deeply with mental health. I don't feel any sense of purpose/identity intense feelings of loneliness, depression and shame. These feelings have swirled on and on and on in my head till the point that I cant differentiate a time in my life that I haven't felt this way. Am writing this here so that hopefully it can begin to untie one of the knots that will allow me to overcome these feelings. Mental health is never a simple topic and many issues/traumas usually run concurrently. I have started to realize maybe my sexuallity is one of these aspects that I need to confront. Maybe someone can relate. I have known since puberty that I preferred men and came out when I was 19. My family, friends and inner circles know about my sexuality and all are generally very accepting of me. Despite that I still act in certain ways that makes me question how comfortable with myself I really was to come out in the first place. When I decided to come out, I consciously put effort into convincing people I was a top (big fat lie, love cock) because for some stupid fucking reason It feels less shameful than being a bottom. I don't know why I still cannot be honest and have the compulsive need to hide and lie about this aspect of myself even to other PLU's. Having a normal conversation about my love life renders me tense and anxiety ridden for fear they might put the pieces together. I don't have a G social network so maybe this is just "straight" conditioning that I have grown up with and am struggling to decondition. If anyone relates, how did you overcome this. Cheers, J" - To be honest, I can't relate to this issue of yours, so I can't really give my thoughts. But you sound like your mental health is in a bad state. I think you should seek professional help. You can take a look at this page to see if any of these could help! _BlinkOnce_

"Ever since I started working out and having a body that I guess is more desirable to most guys, I haven't been able to say to sex. I feel like in someway, i still am the same insecure guy that I was in the past and desire for nothing more than to be wanted. I feel like this lust is starting to affect my friendships and work. I'm unable to have meaningful friendships with men because I sexualize everything in my head. I've since stopped trying to make gay friends because it always ends up with sex. In someways, i feel like this whole gay culture is just breeding a sense of hopelessness. And it certainly doesn't help that im perpetuating this culture by sleeping around. I don't really know why i'm even typing this. I just am desperate for more attention, as I've always been I guess. Maybe this is just me trying to find meaning in all this and trying to find hope in a love that's real and pure. Yeah, thanks for listening.." - From my personal point of view, I agree with you that all these struggles stem from your insecurity. My two cent is that, maybe don't be so hard on yourself. Burdening yourself with guilt will only back-fire. Just make peace with all these lustful feelings. They are understandable given your past insecurity and new found attention from guys. I believe that in the near future, once you have gotten used to your new self and confidence, you will start to find your needs for meaningful connections coming back. P.S. we men are horny creatures, but it doesn't mean that we gay men are unable to develop deep connections. Some might shut it off due to past trauma of rejections, and use sex as a less vulnerable way to connect. Speaking from experience, I believe that if you extend your warmth and goodwill to make a meaningful connections, people will almost always reciprocate. Learn to give first without thinking of taking back. Be the one to break the viscous cycle of the "gay culture". _BlinkOnce_

"I'm approaching mid 30s and I've only dated one person. I feel like I'm just going to grow old and be alone all by myself and I'm trying to be okay with it. Maybe I will adopt a dog in my life to keep me company in the future."

* Everything below is highly personal to me & not a concoction of mumbo-jumbo to increase viewership. Feel free to reply coz i am not following this Post, but thx for reading... I promise not to... do my workouts in the gym while secretly staring at the guy next to me with that cute butt I promise not to... lust over guys dressed in sports attire while they are seated in trains & carrying sports equipment... esp if the words "Secondary of JC" is printed at the back of their Tees I promise not to... stare into my neighbour's window & strike a conversation with her 21yo son who is tall, dark & handsome I promise not to... get excited when a hot guy enters the lift (at my home) with me & i get wild thoughts on mtg him on Grindr I promise not to... joke with the Food Stall Operator when he asks me: "More Chilli?" i am tempted to reply... no need lah... with someone as gd looking as U... who needs more chilli? I promise not to... tell pple on Grindr i am 1.71m when the Polyclinic-measurement-height-monitor always says i am 1.68 metres ( i could go on forever but this is not Confession time with a Priest so let's just leave it there... )