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is it easy to date?


Xanem

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A noob here. Why I ask this question is because with every guy that I met for a hangout, it seems that most have been in a relationship before and mentioned having exes. Im turning 24 this year and have never been out a date before (must be deemed a 'date' by both parties. hangouts is are different) and thus, have not been in a r/s. Somehow, it seems like it's so easy to initiate a date and get into a r/s but I've been having trouble looking for one. Everytime someone mentions about their exes, I cant help but to think what have I been missing out throughout my lifetime.

 

Anyone facing similar issues?

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I had been in relationships, but I had never gotten into a r/s through dates before. They came to me when I didn't expect, or didn't even want, a relationship. I guess it was because I was totally relaxed and show them my truest self. Dates can be quite tiring, you get tensed up and too much expectations might mess things up. 

I guess the problem with you is that you go on hangouts with the intention of a date? Expectations from you, on the guys and on yourself, might prevent you from being the most attractive self?

 

Nonetheless, don't be so worked up if you can't find a relationship. The worst thing you can do to yourself is getting into it for the sake of having a relationship. That will be the kind of relationship that subtract things from your life instead of adding to it. 

 

The secret is to live a fulfilled life as a single guy, be comfortable with single life, yet don't get too comfortable and fixated that you push away potential partners.

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Nicely said haha. I guess I reaches that point in your life where is fun isnt everything and you just want to stick to someone that can makes you happy.

 

yeahh you’re right, whenever I hangout with someone new, there’s always a qn at the back of my head. Can this progresses to be a date? But usually afterwards, it didnt and my conversation with them on apps usually less active than usual. But one thing these guys shared in common is that they all have exes before. It kinda makes you look at yourself in a different way. I do feel jealous, because I nvr experience the phase in my life where I actually dated and love someone. It’s a void in my life that I want to be filled with.

 

I do believe that there’s a right person for everyone, it’s just a matter of time. Maybe im just being impatient haha. Like they said, good things come to those who wait :)

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Why worry about such things? When love comes, it comes, it can't be forced. Some people I know, be it gay or straight are evergreen in their 30s.

 

I rushed into my first relationship when I was 24 and regretted it 6 months later. These kind of long term thing is not easy to find and it takes time

You’re not alone. If you’d like to speak to someone, help is available at the following centres:

Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) 24-hour Hotline: 1800 221 4444 or pat@sos.org.sg.
Institute of Mental Health’s 24-hour Hotline: 6389 2222
Care Corner Counselling Centre (English and Mandarin): 6353 1180
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800 283 7019

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1 minute ago, hahaha said:

Why worry about such things? When love comes, it comes, it can't be forced. Some people I know, be it gay or straight are evergreen in their 30s.

 

I rushed into my first relationship when I was 24 and regretted it 6 months later. These kind of long term thing is not easy to find and it takes time

Yeah i agree. It’s just that i’m tired of one time meet up. Can be mentally tiring at times

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Hihi Xanem, 

 

I guess you could also look at it from another angle. You just need 1 solid blissful partner to spend your time with rather than keep on hitting that restart button to share your past experienece/s. 

 

It's a matter of perspective, I guess. Someone is really not losing out in any ways if he or she knows exactly what they are looking for from their partner. Yea, you may be spending a little more effort than other people to look for the right one but it'll all be worthwhile looking back a successful relationship than be scarred by date/s that are half past six just so you can catch on the "trend". 

 

Peace out ✌️

Stormie

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11 minutes ago, Stormie said:

Hihi Xanem, 

 

I guess you could also look at it from another angle. You just need 1 solid blissful partner to spend your time with rather than keep on hitting that restart button to share your past experienece/s. 

 

It's a matter of perspective, I guess. Someone is really not losing out in any ways if he or she knows exactly what they are looking for from their partner. Yea, you may be spending a little more effort than other people to look for the right one but it'll all be worthwhile looking back a successful relationship than be scarred by date/s that are half past six just so you can catch on the "trend". 

 

Peace out ✌️

Stormie

Thanks for your input :)

 

i guess im just insecure or self-conscious. I just dont want to end up alone till old age. The feeling of sharing  moments with your partner intimately is sexy and beautiful and i guess I want to know how does that feels like. Fun is cool and all but.. I cant possibly do this forever. Even now, i feel mentally exhausted after every meet up, knowing it’s just a one time thing :/

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6 minutes ago, Xanem said:

Thanks for your input :)

 

i guess im just insecure or self-conscious. I just dont want to end up alone till old age. The feeling of sharing  moments with your partner intimately is sexy and beautiful and i guess I want to know how does that feels like. Fun is cool and all but.. I cant possibly do this forever. Even now, i feel mentally exhausted after every meet up, knowing it’s just a one time thing :/

 

That feeling is nice, but it also can be the tipping point where it breaks relationships. If people rush into one without figuring whether both parties are able to match with one another in terms of needs, time and privacy etc... It would be detrimental in the long run haha

Holy mama.

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9 minutes ago, Gray32 said:

 

That feeling is nice, but it also can be the tipping point where it breaks relationships. If people rush into one without figuring whether both parties are able to match with one another in terms of needs, time and privacy etc... It would be detrimental in the long run haha

That’s also true. Then what do people usually to fill in this empty void of theirs while waiting? That’s the qn that i want to know haha

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31 minutes ago, Xanem said:

That’s also true. Then what do people usually to fill in this empty void of theirs while waiting? That’s the qn that i want to know haha

 

Just keep exploring, meet new people (not for the sake of fun) and don't actively search for it. Don't have too much expectations, the more you think about it, the expectations grows and it becomes a super strong desire.

 

It'll come along when you find the right one man. Meanwhile just keep DIY :)) HAHAHA

Holy mama.

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3 hours ago, Xanem said:

That’s also true. Then what do people usually to fill in this empty void of theirs while waiting? That’s the qn that i want to know haha

Last time bw got outings and non sexual meet ups, now no more. Can try meetup.com do things you like to make you less lonely 

You’re not alone. If you’d like to speak to someone, help is available at the following centres:

Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) 24-hour Hotline: 1800 221 4444 or pat@sos.org.sg.
Institute of Mental Health’s 24-hour Hotline: 6389 2222
Care Corner Counselling Centre (English and Mandarin): 6353 1180
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800 283 7019

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On 1/13/2019 at 8:52 PM, hahaha said:

Last time bw got outings and non sexual meet ups, now no more. Can try meetup.com do things you like to make you less lonely 

 

Why don't you organise one then?

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It is never ever easy to date...and never give in easily else u get hurt haha..

 

I used to organized coffee session back then in 2007 when I started to explore the gay bi world haha to make friends etc....I did start back again last year n this year but it seem nowadays more people don't like meet up anymore or hangout... nevertheless just be yourself stay true and follow your instinct. They r the ones can help u predict true love or love at first sight...being single is pros n cons...just enjoy the flow ;)

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