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Siblings treats you like bottomless pit


Guest OhMy

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I've siblings when it comes to money treat me like a bottomless pit or like an ATM ready to spit out money whenever they need money. I sometimes can't help but spit out money to them.

If you have this kind siblings will you help them out?

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Lol. What do you mean by “can’t help but spit out money to them”? By giving, you are a “willing” party. It’s your hard earned money. You don’t have to share with them. If old enough, they can and should source their own money. Just my thoughts.

Edited by Pubic01
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14 hours ago, Guest OhMy said:

I've siblings when it comes to money treat me like a bottomless pit or like an ATM ready to spit out money whenever they need money. I sometimes can't help but spit out money to them.

If you have this kind siblings will you help them out?

 

There are many variables in the situation you describe.

You seem to have several siblings.  Are they all adults? Do they work?  When you give them money, do they return it?

 

For your happiness and the happiness of those around you,  you need to become fair and assertive (look this word up if necessary).  This means that YOU have to be in control of your money, your life,  not your fears, emotions, false sense of obligation, being talked into.

 

You should have a good heart to help a sibling in serious need, like a serious illness that overwhelms his or her resources. In this case, your other siblings should share this help with you.  Another kind of need is that of a sibling who is a child and needs support and education.  Money given to help a serious need can be a gift and not be returned.

 

Then there are the siblings' needs that are frivolous, simple wishes, desires.  You can LEND them money at your discretion but with an expectation to be paid back. Don't lend money to a person who has not paid you back in the past. It is not uncaring, ugly to lend money to a family member in exchange of a signed promissory note to pay it back.

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  • 1 year later...
On 2/19/2019 at 12:07 PM, Guest OhMy said:

I've siblings when it comes to money treat me like a bottomless pit or like an ATM ready to spit out money whenever they need money. I sometimes can't help but spit out money to them.

If you have this kind siblings will you help them out?

 

If I have your kind of siblings,  I won't be kind.

 

On a serious note,  I will evaluate the cases. Eg, if it's medical or educational,  I will help.

 

 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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On 2/19/2019 at 12:07 PM, Guest OhMy said:

I've siblings when it comes to money treat me like a bottomless pit or like an ATM ready to spit out money whenever they need money. I sometimes can't help but spit out money to them.

If you have this kind siblings will you help them out?

Just think,  next time when u need their help,  would they? 

 

2 hours ago, Guest Lawrence said:

i'm running out of savings. How can I stop them without hurting their feelings?

As long as money is concern, no feeling to talk about. Money is money, feeling is feeling, don't mix them. 

 

Just to add on,  a lot of cheating and criminal cases are conducted by people who know u including friends, family and relatives. 

Edited by lonelyglobe
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15 hours ago, Guest Lawrence said:

i'm running out of savings. How can I stop them without hurting their feelings?

 

Running out of savings is not the worse. The worse is getting in debt to give them the money they request.

 

In any case,  you don't need to HURT their feelings.  They simply need to hear from you what is right and what is wrong about asking for money.

Give them a clear and kind explanation of why their requests are abusive and beyond what a sibling should be obliged to do for another.  After that, you have done your filial duty and it is up to them to deal with their feelings if they don't get the money, which are their personal issues.

 

Remember:  YOU have to protect YOUR OWN feelings before you can competently deal with the feelings of others.  

Here your feeling should be that you are a Caring Brother,  not an idiot sucker that can be exploited by others.

 

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  • 1 year later...
Guest Marcus
On 7/3/2020 at 5:13 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

Running out of savings is not the worse. The worse is getting in debt to give them the money they request.

 

In any case,  you don't need to HURT their feelings.  They simply need to hear from you what is right and what is wrong about asking for money.

Give them a clear and kind explanation of why their requests are abusive and beyond what a sibling should be obliged to do for another.  After that, you have done your filial duty and it is up to them to deal with their feelings if they don't get the money, which are their personal issues.

 

Remember:  YOU have to protect YOUR OWN feelings before you can competently deal with the feelings of others.  

Here your feeling should be that you are a Caring Brother,  not an idiot sucker that can be exploited by others.

 

Very good advice as always. You are a truly wonderful person. May the good Lord bless and keep you for the longest time in this world

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On 4/14/2022 at 9:34 PM, Guest Marcus said:

Very good advice as always. You are a truly wonderful person. May the good Lord bless and keep you for the longest time in this world

 

Thank you,  but I simply feel a moral desire that the abundant blessings Destiny has gifted me,  reach others as well.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Hardon
On 4/15/2022 at 11:37 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

Thank you,  but I simply feel a moral desire that the abundant blessings Destiny has gifted me,  reach others as well.

Ever thought on having podcast to share your advice?

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On 5/3/2022 at 3:24 PM, Guest Hardon said:

Ever thought on having podcast to share your advice?

 

Oh,  the audience of the BW forum is more than sufficient for my simple advice, which is nothing new or special.

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I am always upfront with my siblings especially when it comes to expenditure. As I am staying with my parents, there was once they wanna spend for my mom's birthday. I say I am not contributing as I have spent quite a some on the house aircon chemical cleaning. So that takes away the main month budget. So they don't include me in the plan. It is best to be the bitch sometimes and make it obvious.

 

I don't believe in beating about the bush.

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On 5/4/2022 at 1:19 PM, bodybuildMLY said:

I am always upfront with my siblings especially when it comes to expenditure. As I am staying with my parents, there was once they wanna spend for my mom's birthday. I say I am not contributing as I have spent quite a some on the house aircon chemical cleaning. So that takes away the main month budget. So they don't include me in the plan. It is best to be the bitch sometimes and make it obvious.

 

I don't believe in beating about the bush.

Yes, I am also upfront with my siblings too. I am staying with my parents and not them. I've already contributed my share and if it exceeds my budget, I will not contribute and not beat about the bush.

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On 5/4/2022 at 1:19 PM, bodybuildMLY said:

I am always upfront with my siblings especially when it comes to expenditure. As I am staying with my parents, there was once they wanna spend for my mom's birthday. I say I am not contributing as I have spent quite a some on the house aircon chemical cleaning. So that takes away the main month budget. So they don't include me in the plan. It is best to be the bitch sometimes and make it obvious.

 

I don't believe in beating about the bush.

 

they should just include you, because it is just a one time thing. and i don't think they also discussed with you about the birthday celebration in the first place. do all this fake events also is to show off for others on social media kan? sometimes the closest people are the most evil.

 

my sis and brother in law also go by this "weekend go granny house" attitude, where for the whole 2 days they will descend on my parent's house to eat, chillax and enjoy for free. just lying all over the house like fat whales. most of the time, my poor mother will cook delicious meals, which none of them help with. i don't even ask if they contribute to the house monthly but during one such discussion, they just responded sarcastically that I was also doing the same thing, so i had no right to talk.

 

not only was this untrue, but also done in such a passive agressive way that if i showed i was offended, they will just play it off as a comment.

 

since then, i give my monthly contribution IN AN ENVELOPE IN CASH, and I visit my parents on other days to make it clear that I am not a leech. the worst people are the ones that are horrible but justify their behaviour by convincing themselves that others are like them. i make it clear to both them and my parents, that when I am there I am there to fulfill my duty as a son, visit them, see what they need, etc, not to mooch off parental love.

 

and these scum are actually parents themselves. i shudder to think what the kids will turn out like when the parents are shit. at times, they even complain the food is not to their liking, or once, did not even touch the food, because they had something similar the day before. broke my mom's heart - she just covered it up, but I obviously saw through it.

 

my mom is the type of person who shows her love through sacrifice and effort, which is fine. but her own daughter take advantage and abuse her generosity, so manipulative and toxic.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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On 5/4/2022 at 2:10 PM, tomcat said:

 

they should just include you, because it is just a one time thing. and i don't think they also discussed with you about the birthday celebration in the first place. do all this fake events also is to show off for others on social media kan? sometimes the closest people are the most evil.

 

my sis and brother in law also go by this "weekend go granny house" attitude, where for the whole 2 days they will descend on my parent's house to eat, chillax and enjoy for free. just lying all over the house like fat whales. most of the time, my poor mother will cook delicious meals, which none of them help with. i don't even ask if they contribute to the house monthly but during one such discussion, they just responded sarcastically that I was also doing the same thing, so i had no right to talk.

 

not only was this untrue, but also done in such a passive agressive way that if i showed i was offended, they will just play it off as a comment.

 

since then, i give my monthly contribution IN AN ENVELOPE IN CASH, and I visit my parents on other days to make it clear that I am not a leech. the worst people are the ones that are horrible but justify their behaviour by convincing themselves that others are like them. i make it clear to both them and my parents, that when I am there I am there to fulfill my duty as a son, visit them, see what they need, etc, not to mooch off parental love.

 

and these scum are actually parents themselves. i shudder to think what the kids will turn out like when the parents are shit. at times, they even complain the food is not to their liking, or once, did not even touch the food, because they had something similar the day before. broke my mom's heart - she just covered it up, but I obviously saw through it.

 

my mom is the type of person who shows her love through sacrifice and effort, which is fine. but her own daughter take advantage and abuse her generosity, so manipulative and toxic.

Looks like many parents wasted their life n time having toxic n parasites kids. Making me feel even more proud being gay n not having any kids. Hmmm

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On 5/5/2022 at 3:10 PM, fetish72 said:

Some siblings also being spoilt by our parents worse still if your mum have this favouritism that makes the who scenario worse.

Yup. I agree with you. Sadly, it still happens in our era.

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