Is it normal for my partner to go overseas with another guy?

[Guest Troubled]

We have been together for a year and went on overseas trips before. Recently, he told me that he wants to travel with his male colleague who he claims to be straight. 

 

Should I be cool about it or be worried? Experts, pls advise. 

[Guest disclosed yourself]

Ask him to meet with his colleague on Friday evening.

See how he reacts!

 

If he rejects, I would be suspicious.

If he allows, put out your gaydar sensors to check on his colleague

[Traveler3032]

If he goes with a number of colleagues, then it's fine. If he travels with only one guy, then it's suspicious.

[lonelyglobe]

Phew....need to be confident on him or at least yourself.....why check on his colleague? Why need to suspect?

 

Just let him go and if he come back to u then the relationship is "jing de qi kao yan", if he go away, then just let it go,  let it go....

[Guest Stay Out]

6 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

Ask him to meet with his colleague on Friday evening.

See how he reacts!

 

If he rejects, I would be suspicious.

If he allows, put out your gaydar sensors to check on his colleague

 

Tolong you ... Moderator already told you very nicely to stay out of all MAIN FORUM THREADS already. Just stay out! Your presence in any Main Forum thread will only result in the entire thread getting banished into the Flaming Room again.  This happened many times already, just like the good thread on HIV info leak. Just Stay Out .... 

[Crispy96]

I think that if you are worried, just go ahead and tell him about your concern, no matter whether people think it is normal or not. If he really loves you, he will understand your concern, or at least try to. If he doesn't care and just want to push it, you might need to reassess your relationship actually. Don't hide your feelings and concerns.

 

Back to your question: no, I don't think it is normal for 2 male colleagues to go overseas together (2 very close friends are different). Either something is wrong with your bf or his colleague. 

[Guest guest]

1 hour ago, Guest Stay Out said:

 

Tolong you ... Moderator already told you very nicely to stay out of all MAIN FORUM THREADS already. Just stay out! Your presence in any Main Forum thread will only result in the entire thread getting banished into the Flaming Room again.  This happened many times already, just like the good thread on HIV info leak. Just Stay Out .... 

 

 

WELL said, this D.Y. fella just cannot understand plain English, 

 

Some people just have to learn things the hard way.

 

Yuukks.

[Guest guest]

btw,  

 

T.S.  if you feel so insecure so early in the relationship,  

 

I dont think , 你们经得起考验。

 

its a long road ahead.

[Guest Stay Out]

Siao liao. Flame war going to start soon, now that the flame war magnet Guest disclosed yourself has been found here. This is what happens when that idiot don't stay out of the Main Forum like what the Moderator told him to. 

[fab]

11 hours ago, Guest Troubled said:

We have been together for a year and went on overseas trips before. Recently, he told me that he wants to travel with his male colleague who he claims to be straight. 

 

Should I be cool about it or be worried? Experts, pls advise. 

 

Did u not want to go with him this destination?

[Guest Troubled]

Thank you for the kind advices so far.

I have sounded out my concern to him, he assured me that everything will be fine. I do not know what more to do besides giving him the benefit of doubts and seeking advices from you guys, if anyone had a similar situation. 

 

I wanted to go but I am financially tight at the moment, he just chose to travel during this period on the context that he wants to explore the world while he could.

 

For the trolls and trolls feeders, please enjoy yourselves in the flaming room section, posts not contributing to this topic is redundant here. 

 

 

[fab]

U can let go already.

 

Clearly he doesn't love u as much as u think he does.

 

 

[suckmegood]

38 minutes ago, Guest Troubled said:

Thank you for the kind advices so far.

I have sounded out my concern to him, he assured me that everything will be fine. I do not know what more to do besides giving him the benefit of doubts and seeking advices from you guys, if anyone had a similar situation. 

 

I wanted to go but I am financially tight at the moment, he just chose to travel during this period on the context that he wants to explore the world while he could.

 

For the trolls and trolls feeders, please enjoy yourselves in the flaming room section, posts not contributing to this topic is redundant here. 

 

 

 

TBH, I'll be super uncomfortable if I'm in your shoes. But the thing is how "tight" do you want to hold him? Honestly, no right answer as different r/s requires different maintenance level and folks here can't give a definite answer. But, if the trust is really broken, at least you know if this guy is worth your time and effort.

[Crispy96]

4 hours ago, Guest guest said:

btw,  

 

T.S.  if you feel so insecure so early in the relationship,  

 

I dont think , 你们经得起考验。

 

its a long road ahead.

yeah I agree

[Guest Guest]

12 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

Ask him to meet with his colleague on Friday evening.

See how he reacts!

 

If he rejects, I would be suspicious.

If he allows, put out your gaydar sensors to check on his colleague

 

This is the type of reason why Guest disclosed yourself needs to be trolled back into the Flaming Room. Otherwise, he will be going around the Main Forum giving self-righteous advice as if he is some mature lawyer-wannabe know-it-all.

 

To TS, just like how one should try not to let his colleagues in his work life interfere with his relationship, one's personal relationship should also be kept separate from one's work life. There's no reason for you to suddenly ask to meet up with his colleague out of the blue, not even if you are his husband or wife, just so that you can go "check his colleagues out". That's disrespectful and immature, and that was what Guest disclosed yourself nearly set you up to do.  Furthermore, we don't even know if your boyfriend is out of the closet or not. If he is not, meeting up with his colleague like that can become a career suicide for him.

 

There are many reasons why your boyfriend may not want to (or cannot) go with you, eg  the place he is visiting is expensive and he cannot afford to pay for you and he needs to share the cost of accommodation (especially) with some one else, two-to-go flights might be significantly cheaper, he wants some private time by himself, or it is difficult to find someone to share the cost together at the same type of travel times. There are a thousand and one reasons why your boyfriend may need to travel with someone else, so you may not need to think it to be the worst possible reasons, even if the worst possible reasons might turn out true. You need to give him some slack to see for yourself if he will stray or he will stay.  

 

[fab]

2 hours ago, Guest Troubled said:

Thank you for the kind advices so far.

I have sounded out my concern to him, he assured me that everything will be fine. I do not know what more to do besides giving him the benefit of doubts and seeking advices from you guys, if anyone had a similar situation. 

 

I wanted to go but I am financially tight at the moment, he just chose to travel during this period on the context that he wants to explore the world while he could.

 

For the trolls and trolls feeders, please enjoy yourselves in the flaming room section, posts not contributing to this topic is redundant here. 

 

 

 

If he really loves u,

 

1. He will pay for u.

2. He won't go without u if u both can't afford to go together.

3. He won't go with another person knowing u r uncomfortable.

 

[cityhallguy]

 

3 hours ago, Guest Troubled said:

Thank you for the kind advices so far.

I have sounded out my concern to him, he assured me that everything will be fine. I do not know what more to do besides giving him the benefit of doubts and seeking advices from you guys, if anyone had a similar situation. 

 

I wanted to go but I am financially tight at the moment, he just chose to travel during this period on the context that he wants to explore the world while he could.

 

For the trolls and trolls feeders, please enjoy yourselves in the flaming room section, posts not contributing to this topic is redundant here. 

 

 

 

I brought this topic up to my dear to discuss and he replied he will let me go with my colleague.

 

He then asked me what do I think?

I will say I will let my partner go too because we have a strong firm relationship and trust with each other. So won’t worry or supicious.

 

However, if this question was given to me when I’m young like 20s just started dating or in a relationship with someone, I will definitely have same reaction like you, and I would say that’s because I was so immature (inexperience). 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Try and see]

4 hours ago, fab said:

If he really loves u,

 

1. He will pay for u.

2. He won't go without u if u both can't afford to go together.

3. He won't go with another person knowing u r uncomfortable.

 

 

I fully agree.

[Guest Try and see]

Use this analogy, where the genders are reversed:

 

If a married man suddenly tells his wife that he wants to take a trip overseas to "see the world", and when the wife says that she can't afford to go/cannot take leave from work, and the guy says he will go with a female colleague instead, that would set off alarm bells, won't it?

 

Even if he says that the colleague is a lesbian, and therefore has no interest in him, it could be:

 

i. The female colleague is lying to the guy. She is straight and really likes the married guy but he doesn't know.

 

ii. The guy is lying to the wife. He knows she is not a lesbian, and he is having fun with her behind his wife's back.

 

iii. She is a lesbian, but he still likes her and wants to spend time with it in private. Even though it's a one-sided relationship, he'd still be considered as cheating on his wife.

[Ben Ben Ben]

Don’t think so much. If he’s fated to be yours, he will crawl back to you. If it’s not fated to be together, even he sleeps next you, he still can go Sauna to eat cocks. 

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, Guest Try and see said:

Use this analogy, where the genders are reversed:

 

If a married man suddenly tells his wife that he wants to take a trip overseas to "see the world", and when the wife says that she can't afford to go/cannot take leave from work, and the guy says he will go with a female colleague instead, that would set off alarm bells, won't it?

 

Even if he says that the colleague is a lesbian, and therefore has no interest in him, it could be:

 

i. The female colleague is lying to the guy. She is straight and really likes the married guy but he doesn't know.

 

ii. The guy is lying to the wife. He knows she is not a lesbian, and he is having fun with her behind his wife's back.

 

iii. She is a lesbian, but he still likes her and wants to spend time with it in private. Even though it's a one-sided relationship, he'd still be considered as cheating on his wife.

 

I disagree with the analogy. The situation between a married couple and a courting couple are completely of a different level. If these two levels are the same, then people might as well get married immediately instead of going through courtship. And if there is such serious issues of distrust and immaturity so early in the courtship phase, then what will happen after marriage occurs? 

[Guest Lol]

6 hours ago, Ben Ben Ben said:

Don’t think so much. If he’s fated to be yours, he will crawl back to you. If it’s not fated to be together, even he sleeps next you, he still can go Sauna to eat cocks. 

Haha! Say it as it is...! Eat a dick! 

[james28]

Wow I am surprised by the strong reactions. My bf allows me to travel solo with even my gay friend. So y r u uncomfortable he travels with a colleague 

[LeanMature]

Business or official trip, fine.  But going for a vacation with a colleague or friend  leave much to ponder over. 

[Guest opps]

48 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

Business or official trip, fine.  But going for a vacation with a colleague or friend  leave much to ponder over. 

 

Business or official trip still can have sex together in hotel room, like what happened to me and my gay colleague

[robin]

I feel very sad reading the comments above. For one, a relationship is much more precious than a trip & it should never be associated to that, especially a single trip. That’s probably the reason why many relationships don’t last.   Imagine the slightest thing & one partner starts thinking about breaking up!

 

A relationship is not about living in a two person’s world. It does not mean a couple has to do ‘everything together’. We still need space & friends to keep the relationship healthy.

 

I am in a 16 years relationship. I enjoy the relationship with my partner a lot! I enjoy his company, during  our times together in holidays or even just staying at home doing nothing.  But every year, I will do a 2-3 days short trip with my faghag & every 5-6 years, I will do a one-month UK trip with her. Does that mean I don’t love my partner? Absolutely not!  It just mean I also enjoy my friendship with my faghag & it is good catchup. Furthermore, becoz we were once poor students in UK, going on a trip to visit our study towns whom you can share common nostalgic feelings makes it more meaningful & enjoyable.

 

My partner is not comfortable about me going trips with my faghag & there were rumors that she was/is into me. But we talk it out & he also understands it is his own insecurities.  It is human to feel insecure and sometimes I do give in to his feelings.  But one must not let the insecurities make the other party feels he is being caged or lack of space. 

 

As for TS, there will always be an opportunity where time & money is right & you guys can go together. Just make an effort to do up a concrete plan so  both of you will know where and when and there is something  to look forward to!  A trip does not have to be expensive.  A short trip to Melaka or Penang  over a long weekend can also be romantic too!

 

PS: If there is anything fishy going to happen between your partner and his colleague, it can take place in Singapore, not necessarily overseas

[Guest james69]

3 hours ago, james28 said:

Wow I am surprised by the strong reactions. My bf allows me to travel solo with even my gay friend. So y r u uncomfortable he travels with a colleague 

 

maybe cos your gay friend is ugly thats why your bf does not worry.

[fab]

22 hours ago, Guest Troubled said:

Thank you for the kind advices so far.

I have sounded out my concern to him, he assured me that everything will be fine. I do not know what more to do besides giving him the benefit of doubts and seeking advices from you guys, if anyone had a similar situation. 

 

I wanted to go but I am financially tight at the moment, he just chose to travel during this period on the context that he wants to explore the world while he could.

 

For the trolls and trolls feeders, please enjoy yourselves in the flaming room section, posts not contributing to this topic is redundant here. 

 

 

 

Ts had expressed interest in going the trip but financially right. 

 

Shouldn't his bf help?

[robin]

12 minutes ago, fab said:

 

Ts had expressed interest in going the trip but financially right. 

 

Shouldn't his bf help?

 My personal belief is that in a healthy relationship, there should not be expectations that the other party should help out financially, especially if it is for luxury purposes.  Never wise to put money as part of the expected equation. How would we feel if we are in the bf's shoes?  For every trip, one party has to pay for the other! 

[suckmegood]

2 hours ago, robin said:

PS: If there is anything fishy going to happen between your partner and his colleague, it can take place in Singapore, not necessarily overseas

 

Legit, and for all the insecure people out there, if things gonna happen, it can be anywhere and not just a holiday trip.

 

29 minutes ago, fab said:

 

Ts had expressed interest in going the trip but financially right. 

 

Shouldn't his bf help?

 

I do hope that you do not see your partner as ATM or 长期饭票. Each earns your own keep. If your partner earns alot and is willing to part with his hard earned money, it will be nice but don't take it for granted.

[fab]

28 minutes ago, robin said:

 My personal belief is that in a healthy relationship, there should not be expectations that the other party should help out financially, especially if it is for luxury purposes.  Never wise to put money as part of the expected equation. How would we feel if we are in the bf's shoes?  For every trip, one party has to pay for the other! 

 

Not every trip. 

TS is tight at the moment. 

He has interest. 

He is uncomfortable.

 

 

[fab]

1 hour ago, suckmegood said:

 

Legit, and for all the insecure people out there, if things gonna happen, it can be anywhere and not just a holiday trip.

 

 

I do hope that you do not see your partner as ATM or 长期饭票. Each earns your own keep. If your partner earns alot and is willing to part with his hard earned money, it will be nice but don't take it for granted.

 

On the contrary I m the payer.

 

Hope it clarify.

[suckmegood]

29 minutes ago, fab said:

 

On the contrary I m the payer.

 

Hope it clarify.

 

Then the same thing applies to your partner and not take advantage of you and splurge. Unless you love to be an ATM.

[fab]

6 minutes ago, suckmegood said:

 

Then the same thing applies to your partner and not take advantage of you and splurge. Unless you love to be an ATM.

 

I love to pamper my lover.

 

I m not calculative.

 

I spend within my means.

 

I hope I won't live to regret it one day.

[suckmegood]

1 hour ago, fab said:

 

I love to pamper my lover.

 

I m not calculative.

 

I spend within my means.

 

I hope I won't live to regret it one day.

 

Hannor... you also wrote that "I" this "I" that. But remember that different people express, show or manage their r/s differently. Not paying for TS for this trip doesn't means that his bf don't love him or make him lesser of a lover worth keeping.

[fab]

57 minutes ago, suckmegood said:

 

Hannor... you also wrote that "I" this "I" that. But remember that different people express, show or manage their r/s differently. Not paying for TS for this trip doesn't means that his bf don't love him or make him lesser of a lover worth keeping.

 

What I said is IMO.

 

Ts happens to be seeking opinions.

[Guest IMO]

IN MY OPINION, really leh. no matter if you were to let him go or object to it, if he's gonna cheat, he's will cheat eventually. so it doesn't really make a difference i guess. Only time will tell. bless you. i don't wanna psycho u or whatever, but at least this means u can go vacay with a straight guy in the future too?

[Guest duh]

Grow a pair!  I travel short trips to KL and BKK with my other guy friends and my BF has no issues with it.  He don't even bother to check on my friends.  Once I went KL/PJ with a couple of gay friends and he was 100% ok with it.  Now that is what I call trust - he has faith in me and our relationship! 

[Guest reverse reaction]

12 minutes ago, Guest duh said:

Grow a pair!  I travel short trips to KL and BKK with my other guy friends and my BF has no issues with it.  He don't even bother to check on my friends.  Once I went KL/PJ with a couple of gay friends and he was 100% ok with it.  Now that is what I call trust - he has faith in me and our relationship! 

 

I had the opposite reaction. I allowed my ex to go on trips with any of his friends too, in fact I think he should.

Maybe I was too cool about it that he thought I couldn't be bothered about him lol. Oh, the world. 

 

TS, you've voiced your concern and that's good enough. Let him make the decision.

 

[Guest Guest]

6 hours ago, fab said:

 

Ts had expressed interest in going the trip but financially right. 

 

Shouldn't his bf help?

 

Depends on how much money is involved and how long have the couple known each other. 

[Guest lol]

10 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

 

If you are a cool bf. I would hand him a small bag with lub n condoms before he goes overseas.

and never forget, you don't own another person.

 

 

1

 

now you're exaggerating.  

[suckmegood]

15 hours ago, fab said:

 

What I said is IMO.

 

Ts happens to be seeking opinions.

 

Hmmmmmm... what i wrote was also IMO.

[HydroNaut]

On 3/27/2019 at 8:22 AM, james28 said:

Wow I am surprised by the strong reactions. My bf allows me to travel solo with even my gay friend. So y r u uncomfortable he travels with a colleague 

 

I am not suprprised about that. I have a gay couple friend who is together for ages. But whenever the other couple is out for overseas assignments ot went to overseas with friends or family. The other party was so happy. Like wise, versa vice... then one day, 2 of my friends told me each of them on separate occasions hooking up guys while the other party is away. 

 

So soemtimes,....there are hideen agenda for being so "accommodating" or else...sometimes I wonder how can many years of relationships still goes so strong between them? And the fact of their relationship was also based on the fact that the younger guy know the older guy when he was still staying in the uni... and the guy see him through his uni. So being couple with "benefits"...sometimes, hanging on  and being together doesn't really equate to real love... being accommodating doesn't equates to trust.  

[Guest whereisthelove]

This topic has stirred up many interesting opinions !

 

Here's my 2-cents:

 

Love takes on many forms: possession, lust, kindness, selfishness, selfless, affections, mistrust/ insecurity/ jealousy. So naturally, you would feel uncomfortable if you know your bf is going overseas w 1 male colleague.  But sometimes, is good to take a deep breathe, and think outside from your perspective. 

 

If your bf really needs a break to travel, I would encourage you to just let him go, and have his deserved-break.

 

I agree with the word "You don't own the other person". So, be "mature" for once and let him travel and have fun.

 

If you voice too much concerns to him, you are sub-consciously guilt-tripping him and this is not a healthy relationship. And even if he goes overseas, he will be burdened mentally and he might associate those bad feelings with you - because you are the one guilt-tripping him.

 

So sometimes, is wiser not to voice too much concerns to your partner. And sometimes, relationship requires couples to "endure" the uncomfortable feelings unless it gets too overbearing.

 

Good luck, and be happy !

 

 

 

 

[HydroNaut]

48 minutes ago, Guest whereisthelove said:

This topic has stirred up many interesting opinions !

 

Here's my 2-cents:

 

Love takes on many forms: possession, lust, kindness, selfishness, selfless, affections, mistrust/ insecurity/ jealousy. So naturally, you would feel uncomfortable if you know your bf is going overseas w 1 male colleague.  But sometimes, is good to take a deep breathe, and think outside from your perspective. 

 

If your bf really needs a break to travel, I would encourage you to just let him go, and have his deserved-break.

 

I agree with the word "You don't own the other person". So, be "mature" for once and let him travel and have fun.

 

If you voice too much concerns to him, you are sub-consciously guilt-tripping him and this is not a healthy relationship. And even if he goes overseas, he will be burdened mentally and he might associate those bad feelings with you - because you are the one guilt-tripping him.

 

So sometimes, is wiser not to voice too much concerns to your partner. And sometimes, relationship requires couples to "endure" the uncomfortable feelings unless it gets too overbearing.

 

Good luck, and be happy !

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah... after saying about the negativity of the dark fact. I must say, it is true you need to have that trust factor to make a relationship last. You cannot just "caged" or "ground" someone just because you feel that he might be cheating on you outside.

 

Life is a gamble, you have to take the risk. Human mentality are unfathomable most of the time. Having a truthful and faithful bf from your first date is like buying a 4D number for the first time and strike first prize at the first go. There are still chances though not easy.

 

Most importantly, dun rattle up like a bitch full of grievances when things dun works out when you are the one that put the trust in him. Letting it  go when the time is up. If you can keep that mentality... all those crappy notion about "why not speak to him about how you feel?", "Ask him to give you a call and let you know how he is doing when he is there", "Please give me a call when you are there so that i know all is well"....If someone wanna change his heart, sweet talks, being and being accommodating and giving ample trust will not pull him back.

 

拿得起，放得下is the most important.

Edited March 28, 2019 by HydroNaut

[robin]

In a relationship, where finances are concerned, once there are ‘expectations’, it’s the end of all true love

[SensualMassage_T]

Why not ? Relationship require trust 

simple as that 

[Guest Dickey Spillane's M Hammer]

16 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

If you are a cool bf. I would hand him a small bag with lub n condoms before he goes overseas.

and never forget, you don't own another person.

The moderators have already told you that your presence attracts trolls and causes threads to be thrown into the Flaming Room! If you want to participate in normal discussions, like a normal member or guest, use your actual member name when you are in the Main Forum!

As to the Thread Starter, do not take the idiotic advice of giving your boyfriend lube and condoms to cheat, but instead talk to him rationally, let him know about your concerns, and work out the situation like mature adults. You will find a solution if you are meant for each other.

[auri]

4 hours ago, robin said:

In a relationship, where finances are concerned, once there are ‘expectations’, it’s the end of all true love

 

This is arguable.... 

Most sensible couples (including straight married couples) should be very upfront and clear regarding finances.

Does not make their love any less true!

 

[Guest uncle40]

6 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

 

I am not suprprised about that. I have a gay couple friend who is together for ages. But whenever the other couple is out for overseas assignments ot went to overseas with friends or family. The other party was so happy. Like wise, versa vice... then one day, 2 of my friends told me each of them on separate occasions hooking up guys while the other party is away. 

 

So soemtimes,....there are hideen agenda for being so "accommodating" or else...sometimes I wonder how can many years of relationships still goes so strong between them? And the fact of their relationship was also based on the fact that the younger guy know the older guy when he was still staying in the uni... and the guy see him through his uni. So being couple with "benefits"...sometimes, hanging on  and being together doesn't really equate to real love... being accommodating doesn't equates to trust.  

 

Are you saying just because this couple enjoys playing on the side, there is no "real love"???