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Is it normal for my partner to go overseas with another guy?


Guest Troubled

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Guest Troubled
On 3/26/2019 at 3:12 PM, fab said:

U can let go already.

 

Clearly he doesn't love u as much as u think he does.

 

 

Maybe but based on this sole incident, I should let go of the relationship you mean?

 

On 3/26/2019 at 3:51 PM, suckmegood said:

 

TBH, I'll be super uncomfortable if I'm in your shoes. But the thing is how "tight" do you want to hold him? Honestly, no right answer as different r/s requires different maintenance level and folks here can't give a definite answer. But, if the trust is really broken, at least you know if this guy is worth your time and effort.

True. I am uncomfortable with the idea of my partner travelling alone with another guy and have sounded out to him. He still insists to carry on despite my concerns and assured me nothing will happen. I guess we just have to wait for the outcome in due time :)

 

On 3/26/2019 at 4:06 PM, Guest Guest said:

 

This is the type of reason why Guest disclosed yourself needs to be trolled back into the Flaming Room. Otherwise, he will be going around the Main Forum giving self-righteous advice as if he is some mature lawyer-wannabe know-it-all.

 

To TS, just like how one should try not to let his colleagues in his work life interfere with his relationship, one's personal relationship should also be kept separate from one's work life. There's no reason for you to suddenly ask to meet up with his colleague out of the blue, not even if you are his husband or wife, just so that you can go "check his colleagues out". That's disrespectful and immature, and that was what Guest disclosed yourself nearly set you up to do.  Furthermore, we don't even know if your boyfriend is out of the closet or not. If he is not, meeting up with his colleague like that can become a career suicide for him.

 

There are many reasons why your boyfriend may not want to (or cannot) go with you, eg  the place he is visiting is expensive and he cannot afford to pay for you and he needs to share the cost of accommodation (especially) with some one else, two-to-go flights might be significantly cheaper, he wants some private time by himself, or it is difficult to find someone to share the cost together at the same type of travel times. There are a thousand and one reasons why your boyfriend may need to travel with someone else, so you may not need to think it to be the worst possible reasons, even if the worst possible reasons might turn out true. You need to give him some slack to see for yourself if he will stray or he will stay.  

 

Yes, I agree on the many possible reasons he decided to do this but there are also possibilities that this situation may not turn in my favor. I am giving him the slack now to see if he will really stray or not.

Anyway, by now, Guest disclosed yourself is a troll we all know,  he is just disrupting the forum and us, ignore him bah.

 

On 3/26/2019 at 5:15 PM, fab said:

 

If he really loves u,

 

1. He will pay for u.

2. He won't go without u if u both can't afford to go together.

3. He won't go with another person knowing u r uncomfortable.

 

Initially, I thought so too. But not every guy thinks this way and they have different ways of giving and receiving love ;)

 

On 3/26/2019 at 6:19 PM, cityhallguy said:

 

 

I brought this topic up to my dear to discuss and he replied he will let me go with my colleague.

 

He then asked me what do I think?

I will say I will let my partner go too because we have a strong firm relationship and trust with each other. So won’t worry or supicious.

 

However, if this question was given to me when I’m young like 20s just started dating or in a relationship with someone, I will definitely have same reaction like you, and I would say that’s because I was so immature (inexperience). 

 

 

 

 

I see, thanks for sharing! Awesome relationship you are having based on strong foundation and trust, may you guys be together forever! :D

 

On 3/26/2019 at 10:24 PM, Guest Try and see said:

Use this analogy, where the genders are reversed:

 

If a married man suddenly tells his wife that he wants to take a trip overseas to "see the world", and when the wife says that she can't afford to go/cannot take leave from work, and the guy says he will go with a female colleague instead, that would set off alarm bells, won't it?

 

Even if he says that the colleague is a lesbian, and therefore has no interest in him, it could be:

 

i. The female colleague is lying to the guy. She is straight and really likes the married guy but he doesn't know.

 

ii. The guy is lying to the wife. He knows she is not a lesbian, and he is having fun with her behind his wife's back.

 

iii. She is a lesbian, but he still likes her and wants to spend time with it in private. Even though it's a one-sided relationship, he'd still be considered as cheating on his wife.

What you described is exactly my concerns. However, there is also a chance that he might not stray and I am just thinking too much.

 

On 3/26/2019 at 11:16 PM, Ben Ben Ben said:

Don’t think so much. If he’s fated to be yours, he will crawl back to you. If it’s not fated to be together, even he sleeps next you, he still can go Sauna to eat cocks. 

Ok. Wise advice, leave it to fate.

 

On 3/27/2019 at 8:22 AM, james28 said:

Wow I am surprised by the strong reactions. My bf allows me to travel solo with even my gay friend. So y r u uncomfortable he travels with a colleague 

Hmm, I guess your bf is different from mine, and I am different from you? Lol, everyone have their own comfort level, just like the mixed responses in this topic.

 

On 3/27/2019 at 8:28 AM, LeanMature said:

Business or official trip, fine.  But going for a vacation with a colleague or friend  leave much to ponder over. 

My thoughts are with you on this. However, I decided to give him the benefit of doubts first and see how.

 

On 3/27/2019 at 11:05 AM, robin said:

I feel very sad reading the comments above. For one, a relationship is much more precious than a trip & it should never be associated to that, especially a single trip. That’s probably the reason why many relationships don’t last.   Imagine the slightest thing & one partner starts thinking about breaking up!

 

A relationship is not about living in a two person’s world. It does not mean a couple has to do ‘everything together’. We still need space & friends to keep the relationship healthy.

 

I am in a 16 years relationship. I enjoy the relationship with my partner a lot! I enjoy his company, during  our times together in holidays or even just staying at home doing nothing.  But every year, I will do a 2-3 days short trip with my faghag & every 5-6 years, I will do a one-month UK trip with her. Does that mean I don’t love my partner? Absolutely not!  It just mean I also enjoy my friendship with my faghag & it is good catchup. Furthermore, becoz we were once poor students in UK, going on a trip to visit our study towns whom you can share common nostalgic feelings makes it more meaningful & enjoyable.

 

My partner is not comfortable about me going trips with my faghag & there were rumors that she was/is into me. But we talk it out & he also understands it is his own insecurities.  It is human to feel insecure and sometimes I do give in to his feelings.  But one must not let the insecurities make the other party feels he is being caged or lack of space. 

 

As for TS, there will always be an opportunity where time & money is right & you guys can go together. Just make an effort to do up a concrete plan so  both of you will know where and when and there is something  to look forward to!  A trip does not have to be expensive.  A short trip to Melaka or Penang  over a long weekend can also be romantic too!

 

PS: If there is anything fishy going to happen between your partner and his colleague, it can take place in Singapore, not necessarily overseas

Wow, your post is very enlightening for me and many out there. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! I agree with you that communication is key.

 

On 3/27/2019 at 7:06 PM, Guest IMO said:

IN MY OPINION, really leh. no matter if you were to let him go or object to it, if he's gonna cheat, he's will cheat eventually. so it doesn't really make a difference i guess. Only time will tell. bless you. i don't wanna psycho u or whatever, but at least this means u can go vacay with a straight guy in the future too?

Very true. Yes, I guess you can say that!

 

On 3/27/2019 at 7:56 PM, Guest reverse reaction said:

 

I had the opposite reaction. I allowed my ex to go on trips with any of his friends too, in fact I think he should.

Maybe I was too cool about it that he thought I couldn't be bothered about him lol. Oh, the world. :thumb:

 

TS, you've voiced your concern and that's good enough. Let him make the decision.

 

Orh.

 

9 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

 

I am not suprprised about that. I have a gay couple friend who is together for ages. But whenever the other couple is out for overseas assignments ot went to overseas with friends or family. The other party was so happy. Like wise, versa vice... then one day, 2 of my friends told me each of them on separate occasions hooking up guys while the other party is away. 

 

So soemtimes,....there are hideen agenda for being so "accommodating" or else...sometimes I wonder how can many years of relationships still goes so strong between them? And the fact of their relationship was also based on the fact that the younger guy know the older guy when he was still staying in the uni... and the guy see him through his uni. So being couple with "benefits"...sometimes, hanging on  and being together doesn't really equate to real love... being accommodating doesn't equates to trust. :) 

True. Relationships are complex and hard to comprehend.

 

9 hours ago, Guest whereisthelove said:

This topic has stirred up many interesting opinions !

 

Here's my 2-cents:

 

Love takes on many forms: possession, lust, kindness, selfishness, selfless, affections, mistrust/ insecurity/ jealousy. So naturally, you would feel uncomfortable if you know your bf is going overseas w 1 male colleague.  But sometimes, is good to take a deep breathe, and think outside from your perspective. 

 

If your bf really needs a break to travel, I would encourage you to just let him go, and have his deserved-break.

 

I agree with the word "You don't own the other person". So, be "mature" for once and let him travel and have fun.

 

If you voice too much concerns to him, you are sub-consciously guilt-tripping him and this is not a healthy relationship. And even if he goes overseas, he will be burdened mentally and he might associate those bad feelings with you - because you are the one guilt-tripping him.

 

So sometimes, is wiser not to voice too much concerns to your partner. And sometimes, relationship requires couples to "endure" the uncomfortable feelings unless it gets too overbearing.

 

Good luck, and be happy !

 

 

 

 

Very wise advice! Thank you.

 

8 hours ago, HydroNaut said:

 

Yeah... after saying about the negativity of the dark fact. I must say, it is true you need to have that trust factor to make a relationship last. You cannot just "caged" or "ground" someone just because you feel that he might be cheating on you outside.

 

Life is a gamble, you have to take the risk. Human mentality are unfathomable most of the time. Having a truthful and faithful bf from your first date is like buying a 4D number for the first time and strike first prize at the first go. There are still chances though not easy.

 

Most importantly, dun rattle up like a bitch full of grievances when things dun works out when you are the one that put the trust in him. Letting it  go when the time is up. If you can keep that mentality... all those crappy notion about "why not speak to him about how you feel?", "Ask him to give you a call and let you know how he is doing when he is there", "Please give me a call when you are there so that i know all is well"....If someone wanna change his heart, sweet talks, being and being accommodating and giving ample trust will not pull him back.

 

拿得起,放得下is the most important.

对! 谢谢!

 

7 hours ago, SensualMassage_T said:

Why not ? Relationship require trust 

simple as that 

Noted with thanks.

 

 

 

Alright, all in all, I read mixed responses from different groups of people and I thank you all for the inputs. There are advice that agree and disagree that this topic is a norm.

For me, I have expressed my concerns to my partner but he has decided to go ahead with the trip nevertheless. Only time will tell if he is true to me. Will update again when I have the outcome, cheers! =)

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Guest Guest
9 minutes ago, Guest Troubled said:

Maybe but based on this sole incident, I should let go of the relationship you mean?

 

True. I am uncomfortable with the idea of my partner travelling alone with another guy and have sounded out to him. He still insists to carry on despite my concerns and assured me nothing will happen. I guess we just have to wait for the outcome in due time :)

 

Yes, I agree on the many possible reasons he decided to do this but there are also possibilities that this situation may not turn in my favor. I am giving him the slack now to see if he will really stray or not.

Anyway, by now, Guest disclosed yourself is a troll we all know,  he is just disrupting the forum and us, ignore him bah.

 

Initially, I thought so too. But not every guy thinks this way and they have different ways of giving and receiving love ;)

 

I see, thanks for sharing! Awesome relationship you are having based on strong foundation and trust, may you guys be together forever! :D

 

What you described is exactly my concerns. However, there is also a chance that he might not stray and I am just thinking too much.

 

Ok. Wise advice, leave it to fate.

 

Hmm, I guess your bf is different from mine, and I am different from you? Lol, everyone have their own comfort level, just like the mixed responses in this topic.

 

My thoughts are with you on this. However, I decided to give him the benefit of doubts first and see how.

 

Wow, your post is very enlightening for me and many out there. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! I agree with you that communication is key.

 

Very true. Yes, I guess you can say that!

 

Orh.

 

True. Relationships are complex and hard to comprehend.

 

Very wise advice! Thank you.

 

对! 谢谢!

 

Noted with thanks.

 

 

 

Alright, all in all, I read mixed responses from different groups of people and I thank you all for the inputs. There are advice that agree and disagree that this topic is a norm.

For me, I have expressed my concerns to my partner but he has decided to go ahead with the trip nevertheless. Only time will tell if he is true to me. Will update again when I have the outcome, cheers! =)

 

While it's good the communication has started, I think it might be also wise for you to look into the trust issues which seems to be lying latent inside you yourself. I think it will become a problem if you are always suspicious of his intentions. It may start eating and eroding into your relationship slowly, as the burden for your bf to prove himself and his innocence all the time can be quite tiring over a long time. 

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Ts, I m not sure if your bf loves u.

 

But I m sure he loves himself more than u.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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It's not about temporary separation.

 

It's about how ts' bf disregard his feelings dispite ts has shown interest and his discomfort. 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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On 3/28/2019 at 5:13 PM, Guest uncle40 said:

 

Are you saying just because this couple enjoys playing on the side, there is no "real love"???

 

There are "Love" in many aspects of our life.

1)Love for comfort

2)Love for recognition(being attached and seem wanted)

3)Love for real love, Love for Sex

4)Love for having someone with you when you are old

5)Love for Boosting in front of friends(having a good looking bf),

6)Love for someone to be able to do all errands for you

7)Love for having a chauffeur to chauffeur u around

8)Love for having a ATM whenever you need $$$,

9)Love for bringing our bloodline (this is applicable for str8/bi)

10)Love for telling the whole world you are str8 (applicable for bi)

11)Love for having a personal maid at your beck and call

12)Love for a gym mate.

13)Love of his intellectual property.

14)Puppy/Blind Love

15)Love because he have violate your chastity.

16)Love for their good body/big cock

17)Lastly maybe just pure Love cause you really love the other person. (Seem this in drama all the time but dunno how true it is)

18)Love because both of you 2 are fated together. (Seem this in drama all the time but dunno how true it is)

 

All these so called Love can be fulfilled when you get a mate or reason for having a mate. As human, our love is not that simple, something it is intertwined by one or more of the above factors. But truly, what is the true motives of their Love only known by themselves.

Edited by HydroNaut
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  • 1 year later...

Hi ts, why not just spend sometime knowing new friends and circles. You could take a tips or two to make your bf to be concern about your new circles or friends as well. If you don't expand your circle your bf probably finds you boring and adapt to your nature of insecure, this he may possibly be finding other options at later stage. My suggestion is put my thoughts on yourself and your social and natural relationship will work. 

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