My story as a 21 y/o guy

[Guest Avocado]

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

[lonely57]

theres no point going for girls if u are gay. u wont enjoy it either and u will still yearn for a man to hold on to. 

 

i just feel that compared to straight guys, we have it easier to have sex plus being the horny animal we are, many would tend to fool around rather than to settle down. anyways, u are still young. and just a tip, try  changing your age limit to 22 to 28 (or 30). i find most of the younger ones are.. still immature. 

 

anyways, just go with the flow and keep looking. u will never know the one u had fun with last night might come back to you for more and eventually lead to something. 

Edited April 19, 2019 by lonely57

[Crispy96]

I personally believe that love comes when you least expect it. When you put too much pressure on yourself finding love, it will do more harm than good. It is already hard to find one true love nowadays even for straight people, it is even harder for us. So really, embrace your singlehood. Love the wrong guy, you end up hurting yourself.

 

I assume that you are feeling lonely after finding out about your sexuality. All the more reasons for you to not date anyone so soon. Maybe make some new friends? Kinda hard to find through all the apps I have to say, but still possible. Or you can try to reveal your secret to your (straight) close friends. To be accepted by understanding friends might just help you solve your problems.

 

Or you can sign up to the forum and be my online pal

Edited April 19, 2019 by Crispy96

[GachiMuchi]

1 hour ago, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

 

Good that you know that you are emotional and insecure. The healing starts with you dealing with you insecurities.

 

1. How to Overcome Insecurity: Why Am I So Insecure? (Read Link)

 

Basically, your software (your mind) needs an upgrade.

 

How to Deal with insecure person (Read link)

Insecure people can be emotionally draining, and seem to make you feel more tired afterwards. They may act dependent on you for all their needs. Avoid feeling like their caretaker, and set boundaries. Motivate them to find ways to cope without you always there.

 

So, If you want to find someone whom you can settle down, you need to resolved your emotional issues otherwise, no matter how many relationships you have, it will all ends in break-off and or depression, etc. And because of your insecurities, you long for love and for someone to love you. And you sounded desperate.

 

It's a good start that you know and acknowledge that you might have a problem and as we are not professional, we might not know how best to help you. So may I suggest that you go get some counseling from Oogachaga.

 

I hope the above advice will help.

[Guest Random]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

6 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

 

Wow only 5-10 guys you find attractive? Do you have very high standards on the looks department 0.0

 

I'm also still a virgin but im 27, and few weeks ago i swiped tinder a bit for fun to take a look at the people... and i feel that 50% of them are quite attractive lol. Maybe lower your standard a bit? 

[Sibelius]

Don't ever settle with a girl if you are gay, it will be devastating to both of you (very unfair to the girl).

 

Perhaps you have not met the "right" guy yet. Sometimes our partner or bf may not be the most handsome/masculine/rich man around, but they truly "click" with us in terms of personality and life goals. And I also have a friend in this circle who has depression but his bf supports him and cares for him for more than 6 years and still going strong... 

 

Maybe try practice how to look past the exteriors first before trying to find someone to date.

 

 

 

[aedirn]

7 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

 

I think you're overwhelmed with loneliness or the urge to be "dating immediately"....as someone pointed out, this usually leads to more harm.

I think the better way is to widen your social circle and meet more people and friends. If you're insecure one-on-one, join certain interest gay groups.

Could be drinking...could be same school....gaming groups....etc

From there you observe, mingle, then cast your net.

I feel it's more secure this way.

[Guest Lol]

7 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

 

You are 21 yet never seen straight porn before? Hard to believe lol. Vagina and boobs disgust me, but if you get turned on (dick gets hard) looking at them then likely you are bisexual.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

----

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) 

 

You are complaining, but without any firm basis, except that life is difficult, something we all know. 

You have plenty of opportunities to get intimate with guys,  many more than we had in earlier days.  Out of hundreds, you only find a few attractive.  This is your right, but you cannot blame anyone for this but your own pickiness.  You find defects in these guys, but you are not free from them either.

 

There is no law in nature that dictates that you should date at your age.   You should be satisfied to find people you can have casual sex with and not be desperate for it.  Maybe you should find other areas of interest you can preoccupy you with, like study, work.   Meanwhile, work on your feelings, your emotions so they don't drive you nuts,  and prepare yourself to be in a better position a little later in life for a successful relationship.  These are not guaranteed either, so don't see yourself as left behind but as advancing smartly towards some benefit.

[ShyCuriousBoy95]

-

 

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by ShyCuriousBoy95

[Kars]

Haste makes waste.

Trying to judge a person from the few photos on dating app sounds a bit superficial, though most of us are doing so and we like the efficiency. Perhaps u r right you should first lock a few guys whose looks fit ur taste. I guess you'll need to scan most city centers, central business zones and maybe schools/uni to get better results. Many decent looking, well built guys could also be busy with other stuff and dont have much time for browsing apps. This will cost u more time, not to say sometimes chemistry is a weird thing. You find someone attractive and feel he's the fated one, but he doesnt have any feeling towards u at all. Also dont forget even if u find them attractive on apps, they may turned out to be sissy, feminine. This makes you desperate, right.

Otherwise  if u want it fast u probably need to lower down your standard. Instead of limiting to those u find attractive, set it to acceptable level.  Instead of starting with high expectations but ending with desperation, you could get more surprises. Spend more time meeting a person, knowing them well than browsing every faces on apps. Go out doing more social. Sometimes things u get by chance could be far better than a thousand searches. 

Another suggestion, if u foresee u'll be marrying a woman some day, perhaps u wanna look a bit for more fun or physical stuff. If u dunt want to marry a woman but want a man for life, try to find an interesting one. As Oscar Wilde said, there are too many good faces in the world, too few interesting souls.

[G_M]

5 hours ago, Loh said:

Hey

Let’s date

 

1 warning point for posting ad in the Main forum meant for discussion.

 

[Guest guest]

12 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

 I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too 

 

attractive guys dun need to go to such apps. 

[Guest Going to Songkran]

 

12 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

 

If you gym frequently, try making friends with some of the guys there.  You know,  just say hello, introduce yourself, getting to know their names, some small but sincere talks and maybe have a short after workout meals together once you get to know them more.  The beauty is you get to pick to socialise with the ones what you like. 

 

Do this without any sexual agenda and who knows what develops.  Even if they don't end up being more than your friends, they might introduce you to some other people who might click better with you.  

 

At my age I appreciate friendships more than bedbuddies, cos the former last longer than the latter. 

 

Of course, you need to pick your friends really well.  As for the virginity thing, if it doesn't bother you, don't rush it.

[Guest Hmm]

13 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

Honestly I would avoid apps like the plague. A cesspool of people who aren't looking to settle down (sorry I'm harsh but it's true). 

 

Know what you want (eg. monogamy).  Stay true to yourself and to your values. If you don't like clubbing/pubbing, don't bother visiting those places - you're unlikely to be compatible with whoever you may meet there anyway. You get my point. 

 

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin (you sure this is the right word? You've had a sexual experience b4)  still at your age. It means you have self-control and speaks better of your character than those who implusively had their first experience at some staircase/toilet at 16. Neither is it wrong to, at your age,  want to date seriously. Not everybody wants to end up as a lonely uncle cruising a toilet/in a sauna.

 

I would avoid our local gay scene/communtiy if i were you. It's superficial, toxic and oversexualised. Many predators here and there. 

 

Btw why do you say you're traditional when you've already used those appd and had oral sex b4? Hmm.. 

 

All the best in any case

[Guest godsend]

 

14 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive.

 

I assume you swiped 100 guys only in your age group. Your hit rate is only 5-10%.

 

Tbh, you are just another typical young gay who thinks too highly of yourself. 

 

Before you choose others, think of why others should choose you. Good luck to you!

[Guest Avocado]

Hey all thanks for reading and for your responses they’re great hahaha i read all of it. I’m just wondering if slightly older guys like let’s say 25-30, are they still out for fun or do they mostly wanna settle down with someone?

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

Hey all thanks for reading and for your responses they’re great hahaha i read all of it. I’m just wondering if slightly older guys like let’s say 25-30, are they still out for fun or do they mostly wanna settle down with someone?

 

It is perfectly fine, and many are, "still" out for fun AND wanting to settle down with someone.

[Guest Well]

13 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

It is perfectly fine, and many are, "still" out for fun AND wanting to settle down with someone.

These people are polygamous.

[ThePineapple]

wowh.....
i'm neither attractive nor have a good body,
what turns me off is your insecurity,
anyone with insecurities will eventually eat up the fun and joy part of a r/s
so i will pass...
friends... yeah maybe... but partner... er.... 
PS: i'm not feminine (no offense)

[Steve5380]

40 minutes ago, Guest Well said:

These people are polygamous.

 

Not true.

 

Polygamous means having more than one spouse, partner.  Maybe what you mean is promiscuous.

Promiscuous means having sex with more than one person.  The term does not differentiate if it is with 2 or 100 persons. 

The majority of us are promiscuous when the time comes, and some later change to monogamous if the r/s requires so.

 

[Guest Blank]

When I was 21, friends complimented my looks. My uni classmate tried to match make me to her pretty selection of girl friends. Another guy (totally my type but seems straight) told me I'm the cutest guy in class. My gym consultant flirted with me by saying I look dashing after showering fr gym session. At least 10 confessed to me, I lost count tbh. I considered myself decent looking. (Well idk why I mention this just like idk why you're so desperate in the bf quest)

 

As a 21yo emotional and insecure avocado, you expect prince charming from the sky? Or you're 'forced' to marry some girls as An alternative? I'm not sure if you're sane or what. I've met several cute and handsome guys, but that doesn't mean we are destined to be together. Some are problematic, not saying all. If you think searching and maintaining a LT-relationship is easy, take a look at how many broken gay hearts are out there. Btw, I'm faithfully attached to my bf of 4years. Your mileage may vary.

 

Good luck.

[Guest Avocado]

2 hours ago, Guest Blank said:

When I was 21, friends complimented my looks. My uni classmate tried to match make me to her pretty selection of girl friends. Another guy (totally my type but seems straight) told me I'm the cutest guy in class. My gym consultant flirted with me by saying I look dashing after showering fr gym session. At least 10 confessed to me, I lost count tbh. I considered myself decent looking. (Well idk why I mention this just like idk why you're so desperate in the bf quest)

 

As a 21yo emotional and insecure avocado, you expect prince charming from the sky? Or you're 'forced' to marry some girls as An alternative? I'm not sure if you're sane or what. I've met several cute and handsome guys, but that doesn't mean we are destined to be together. Some are problematic, not saying all. If you think searching and maintaining a LT-relationship is easy, take a look at how many broken gay hearts are out there. Btw, I'm faithfully attached to my bf of 4years. Your mileage may vary.

 

Good luck.

I’m sorry to break your heart but you sound delusional. Take away the toxic and you’ll find someone eventually. 

[Guest Blank]

6 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

I’m sorry to break your heart but you sound delusional. Take away the toxic and you’ll find someone eventually. 

 

Omg you can't read that I'm already attached? If you're really decently good looking, it doesn't take any effort to get suitors even when not trying at all. Nobody ever approached you, chased after you or confessed to you before?

 

I'm not toxic, just forward. The toxic one is you - highly emotional, insecurity all over and frustrated until to look for a girl (destroying her life even though you know you're gay deep down). Be responsible.

 

I'm sharing real stories here since you said you're decent looking and only looking at the top 5-10% good lookers on apps. I'm giving you real world feed back if that's what you want. You want cushioned replies here like the rest, then You'll learn nothing. Hard truth, like hard dick, hurts and if you can't handle it, why ask? What kind of advice do you expect people to give you? Many can't even find bfs themselves. I've already mentioned times before in other threads that 70% or more of my 100 friends are single. Some of them are 30yo this year, never had a single bf and probably still Virgin (not that it's a big deal). Grow up, avocado.

[rome12]

When I was 21, I was in a long sorrow due to the first guy who I dated and lost my virginity for him, lied to me by having a boyfriend and didn't tell me about it for a whole year. 

Since then, I'm very insecure with guys. It leads to not having any relationship or sex quickly. 

I'm 26 now and still wasting time and money on Tinder. With hope I could have a boyfriend. It's difficult in my situation now since I don't like the local where I live.

I met some guys when going abroad though. They were not typical hot gay guys but was my type. But they turned out already had boyfriend or don't wanna commit in a relationship.  

We are in kinda similar situation but you are luckier than me since you're younger. Keep looking! 

[Guest Avocado]

54 minutes ago, rome12 said:

When I was 21, I was in a long sorrow due to the first guy who I dated and lost my virginity for him, lied to me by having a boyfriend and didn't tell me about it for a whole year. 

Since then, I'm very insecure with guys. It leads to not having any relationship or sex quickly. 

I'm 26 now and still wasting time and money on Tinder. With hope I could have a boyfriend. It's difficult in my situation now since I don't like the local where I live.

I met some guys when going abroad though. They were not typical hot gay guys but was my type. But they turned out already had boyfriend or don't wanna commit in a relationship.  

We are in kinda similar situation but you are luckier than me since you're younger. Keep looking! 

Thanks for sharing dude & all the best! You’ll find someone good for sure

[rome12]

haha thank you. Just found a very nice guy but he's out of my league. A little bit sad though. Feel like destiny makes me meet guys that is my type but can't be with them. 

Tomorrow I will visit Singapore and then Australia. Don't hope much though. 

[LeanMature]

5 minutes ago, rome12 said:

haha thank you. Just found a very nice guy but he's out of my league. A little bit sad though. Feel like destiny makes me meet guys that is my type but can't be with them. 

Tomorrow I will visit Singapore and then Australia. Don't hope much though. 

 

In what way out of your league ?  He is young and hot ?

[Steve5380]

27 minutes ago, rome12 said:

haha thank you. Just found a very nice guy but he's out of my league. A little bit sad though. Feel like destiny makes me meet guys that is my type but can't be with them. 

Tomorrow I will visit Singapore and then Australia. Don't hope much though. 

 

Hopefully the guys that are in your league are younger than you, not older.

Because if so, at 26 you have the perfect opportunity to dedicate five to ten years of your life to improve physically with good nutrition and exercise, and be in top form in your 30s to attract the young gays who like someone in this age range.

[rome12]

lol no. He's older than me and don't have hot body but I can feel warm and safe at him. Which I'm looking for at a guy than a hot body. 

But we are like in different worlds. Like roadside grass and the cloud. 

I'm inborn skinny and don't have good health like others. Just scared sometimes when I think about the future. When I become an old guy, can't compete with those young ones and still lonely. 

Well never mind lol. We are supposed to help the topic owner feel better. 

[Steve5380]

48 minutes ago, rome12 said:

lol no. He's older than me and don't have hot body but I can feel warm and safe at him. Which I'm looking for at a guy than a hot body. 

But we are like in different worlds. Like roadside grass and the cloud. 

I'm inborn skinny and don't have good health like others. Just scared sometimes when I think about the future. When I become an old guy, can't compete with those young ones and still lonely. 

Well never mind lol. We are supposed to help the topic owner feel better. 

 

What helps the topic owner can help others too.  Everyone is important. Furthermore, "help yourself so you can help others".

If you are skinny and not in best health feel confident that this may improve.

And he whom you like and is older than you may be pleased and feel satisfaction in providing you with warmth and safety. 

"When I become an old guy"...   DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT.  You have some work cut out for you to be YOUNG. 

[rome12]

Not he providing it. Just myself feel it. It's a secret feeling that he doesn't know. And yeah, I've been in this situation for a few times before and it sucks. But have to deal with it alone anyway cause it's my own heart. Afraid if he knows then our connection wont be the same. Rather staying friends than worse.

 

I'm kinda realistic so I often think about the future and think the best for people I care. Even it's disadvantage for me. 

[Guest be ready for the unforesee]

I know I m repeating myself.

The problem with Singaporean guys starts from the upbringing at home. You parents chase you to always go for the best, don't settle with anything less.

Then when you are looking for a boyfriend, you stupidly apply the same principles. (Best looks, best gym toned body, big dick, generous, smart, loving and caring). You are prone to end up lonely or unhappy.

Because out there aren't supermen but normal guys with various flaws.

If you search for all at once, you won't find your guy.

And if no guy can really match your search, then you are just plainly asking for too much and are unrealistic.

 

My advice is: Leave all those things away from the start and be ready to enter a relationship with a guy and see how it works. In the end you are chasing happiness aren't you? Or do you chase fancy Instagram pictures? It is better to hold someone's arms then holding the cold iron of your bed frames.

 

In many cases throughout the relationship you will discover the true beauty of another person.

Yes, there will be ups and downs, disappointments, frustrations, fights, but at the same time there will be unforgettable experiences and the feeling of someone caring for you and taking you serious. Taking you as a person.

This is more important that looks and outer features.

Most guys who are in relationships know very well that most average looking guys would go an extra mile to proof you that they are worth for having chosen them.

 

But you must throw your list of "musts" over board and venture into something probably thrilling.

 

Otherwise stop whining about your unhappiness and misfortune.

[Guest be ready for the unforesee]

13 hours ago, rome12 said:

When I was 21, I was in a long sorrow due to the first guy who I dated and lost my virginity for him, lied to me by having a boyfriend and didn't tell me about it for a whole year. 

Since then, I'm very insecure with guys. It leads to not having any relationship or sex quickly. 

I'm 26 now and still wasting time and money on Tinder. With hope I could have a boyfriend. It's difficult in my situation now since I don't like the local where I live.

I met some guys when going abroad though. They were not typical hot gay guys but was my type. But they turned out already had boyfriend or don't wanna commit in a relationship.  

We are in kinda similar situation but you are luckier than me since you're younger. Keep looking! 

 

Why do you want to punish yourself for the bad deeds of some other?

Please don't let one experience make you to a lonely soul.

You must develop trust in others.

Not all guys are liars and cheaters.

 

If being in a relationship is so important to you, then you should make it clear from the start. And you must act accordingly. Many guys want relationships but still entertain the quick sex. That doesn't work and with such strategy you are programmed to fail.

You must take things slow. Dinners, talks, maybe some light fun. You must learn to tickle that readiness for a relationship from a guy.

 

On the other hand you must learn, that many gay guys are just not ready for a relationship and that it costs some energy to get out of a lifestyle of easy sex and fun everywhere.

 

By the way, at 26 you are in the best age to grab some guy for a relationship. Most guys would have had their share of sex experiences and start longing for a partner at such age.

for sure you aren't too old to find a partner.

And change your personal perspective , learn to be more optimistic and a happy person.

no guy wants to see sorrow and tears. Let the past be past and move on.

The happier you are yourself the much earlier other people will connect with you.

 

Don't try your luck with sex apps like grindr or tinder. There are other apps which are more suitable to find a relationship.

Best is always to step out and find someone from real life.

[suckmegood]

In order to meet the right person, the only way is to continue meeting people. You can't expect to have the right guy coming through your doors when the doors are shut. Give yourself the opportunity. Go easy with standards and keep an open mind.

[LeanMature]

Sometimes, having a fit and hot handsome bf is hard to keep. What attract you attract the rest.  All bees love honey.  I will be happy with a prawn head. 

[Ironrod]

On 4/20/2019 at 2:31 PM, Guest Going to Songkran said:

 

If you gym frequently, try making friends with some of the guys there.  You know,  just say hello, introduce yourself, getting to know their names, some small but sincere talks and maybe have a short after workout meals together once you get to know them more.  The beauty is you get to pick to socialise with the ones what you like. 

 

Do this without any sexual agenda and who knows what develops.  Even if they don't end up being more than your friends, they might introduce you to some other people who might click better with you.  

 

At my age I appreciate friendships more than bedbuddies, cos the former last longer than the latter. 

 

Of course, you need to pick your friends really well.  As for the virginity thing, if it doesn't bother you, don't rush it.

 

Out of all the advice, this is the only one seems valid to me.

 

I got to know my bf without any agenda (although he might have - idk), we spend time a lot of time together and I get really comfortable around him.

 

When u know a person really well, physical aspect becomes secondary and sex comes naturally after that.

 

Don't let being virgin troubles you, once u fall in love, u will be having sex like rabbits in no time. (it's a guy thing, we express ourselves physically it seems lol)

[Guest Avocado]

3 hours ago, Ironrod said:

 

Out of all the advice, this is the only one seems valid to me.

 

I got to know my bf without any agenda (although he might have - idk), we spend time a lot of time together and I get really comfortable around him.

 

When u know a person really well, physical aspect becomes secondary and sex comes naturally after that.

 

Don't let being virgin troubles you, once u fall in love, u will be having sex like rabbits in no time. (it's a guy thing, we express ourselves physically it seems lol)

Wee thanks for sharing. I’m quite a quiet & reserved person by nature and I enjoy gymming and exercising by myself (it’s like a time to be alone to destress and focus on my goals) but I’ll try anyway!

 

I’m not really a superficial kind of person like I don’t swipe somebody based on their face or body but I just hope to find somebody who is mature, manly, driven and at least don’t look bad physically (i hope it’s not superficial expecting this cos it’s like quite a basic thing to me). I wanna talk about work, about our future, about what to do on the weekends (or free time) with someone but I’m not getting any so I sounded rather desperate. But I guess I just gotta be patient about it.

 

I feel like I’m quite mature for a 21 y/o but still older guys I talked to they wanna be taken care by someone. It’s kinda turn off cos I wan somebody who is strong and I don’t mind us taking care of one another, just not a one-sided thing. 

 

Right now I’m focusing on my exams (in uni) and I know I sound desperate but it’s just an emotional side of me which I want to fill. I’m strong enough being alone but having someone by my side who I can trust is better. 

[Turtle]

On 4/20/2019 at 1:54 AM, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

 

I'm a 22 y.o dude here, currently still in NS. I was like you a year ish back. Hopping from apps to apps hoping to find the right one. I was so focused on different apps that whenever I see a notif from jackd/grindr/tinder i would be curious who it is, hoping for the Mr right one.

 

Now - I'm just focused on NS and I realised that when you dont focus on it as much, the right people come to you when you least expect it. I've met a couple of friends that I can rely on for emotional support, friends that I wouldn't trade for anyone. Yes they're not my soul mates, but they're far more valuable than "dates". 

 

Try taking things a notch down, more chill! For all you know, when you least expects it, the one you want most may just knock on your door xD 

 

And dont worry about being virgin still. When you meet the right guy, all these doesnt matter be ayse you know hes fine with you just being... you. And yes, please stick to what you believe in. If you believe dating should be exclusive, then yes it should be exclusive. =) 

 

Lmk if you need a someone to talk to haha. I'm still in NS so I may take a while to reply on here xD

[Mavis5995]

Well until I reached 23 years old, i never date a single guy in my life, just met few guys for quick fun through the apps and Im not a type that really into a relationship because i believe being in a relationship will just ends in a separation , especially in this community, and was born in a traditional asian family just makes it even worse because you know how they act towards it. 

 

Me myself also lack in self-confidence , Im not the type who can reached out to people easily and that’s when i thought i would just ended being alone forever hahah.

 

Until i met this guy who really change my perception towards what so called relationship. Well the lyrics “we found love in a hopeless place” might ring your bells, and now i really believe in those lyrics.

 

I met this guy in a sauna , who is now my boyfriend and we’ve been through together for 1 year + and things are doin great between us, we loving each other very deeply and i will try to protect our relationship.

 

What Im trying to say is that don’t try so hard finding you love, it might comes to you sooner or later. Just be yourself !  

 

 

[Guest Blank]

12 hours ago, Guest be ready for the unforesee said:

I know I m repeating myself.

The problem with Singaporean guys starts from the upbringing at home. You parents chase you to always go for the best, don't settle with anything less.

Then when you are looking for a boyfriend, you stupidly apply the same principles. (Best looks, best gym toned body, big dick, generous, smart, loving and caring). You are prone to end up lonely or unhappy.

Because out there aren't supermen but normal guys with various flaws.

If you search for all at once, you won't find your guy.

And if no guy can really match your search, then you are just plainly asking for too much and are unrealistic.

 

My advice is: Leave all those things away from the start and be ready to enter a relationship with a guy and see how it works. In the end you are chasing happiness aren't you? Or do you chase fancy Instagram pictures? It is better to hold someone's arms then holding the cold iron of your bed frames.

 

In many cases throughout the relationship you will discover the true beauty of another person.

Yes, there will be ups and downs, disappointments, frustrations, fights, but at the same time there will be unforgettable experiences and the feeling of someone caring for you and taking you serious. Taking you as a person.

This is more important that looks and outer features.

Most guys who are in relationships know very well that most average looking guys would go an extra mile to proof you that they are worth for having chosen them.

 

But you must throw your list of "musts" over board and venture into something probably thrilling.

 

Otherwise stop whining about your unhappiness and misfortune.

 

Don't need to say more already, what ts wants is not this kind of advice. Never learn one lah. Adults like us don't whine, we take things into action. But he wants a very gentle friendly bed of roses advice to land on. Ironically i totally get your points omg. Maybe these are similar things I've been telling my single friends for the past 5years. I've traveled a long route and seen nice sincere gay friends who helped me get into relationship and also evil gays trying to destroy my date to save it for themselves.

 

Many gays, like avocado, simply aren't interested in someone average, plain vanilla, effeminate, boring, no opinion type of guys etc. Yeah i get it, they wanted more, someone better nicer manlier and all the great stuff. Nothing wrong, but don't come whining or asking for advice tbh. To me, RS is easy to find. The tough part is maintaining it especially for a monogamous RS - or maybe is just me? To ts, he hasn't even stepped into a real RS and already ranting madly like the world owes him a bf or else he go look for a girl as easy alternative path out of frustration, and then keep thinking the worst part is the beginning which to me is the most exciting part. One word: Childish. At least I wasn't behaving like this at 21. Or maybe this is the typical mentality of the current 21yo? Sorry I don't know what the 21yo are thinking these days if time has shifted over the past 10 years.

[kidster]

12 hours ago, Guest be ready for the unforesee said:

I know I m repeating myself.

The problem with Singaporean guys starts from the upbringing at home. You parents chase you to always go for the best, don't settle with anything less.

Then when you are looking for a boyfriend, you stupidly apply the same principles. (Best looks, best gym toned body, big dick, generous, smart, loving and caring). You are prone to end up lonely or unhappy.

Because out there aren't supermen but normal guys with various flaws.

If you search for all at once, you won't find your guy.

And if no guy can really match your search, then you are just plainly asking for too much and are unrealistic.

 

My advice is: Leave all those things away from the start and be ready to enter a relationship with a guy and see how it works. In the end you are chasing happiness aren't you? Or do you chase fancy Instagram pictures? It is better to hold someone's arms then holding the cold iron of your bed frames.

 

In many cases throughout the relationship you will discover the true beauty of another person.

Yes, there will be ups and downs, disappointments, frustrations, fights, but at the same time there will be unforgettable experiences and the feeling of someone caring for you and taking you serious. Taking you as a person.

This is more important that looks and outer features.

Most guys who are in relationships know very well that most average looking guys would go an extra mile to proof you that they are worth for having chosen them.

 

But you must throw your list of "musts" over board and venture into something probably thrilling.

 

Otherwise stop whining about your unhappiness and misfortune.

 

One of the best advice.

 

If everyone thinks like you, the world will be a happy place to live in. But sadly, everyone wants instant results these days without wanting to put in efforts and time.  

[Guest Avocado]

Sorry I don’t entertain trolls. To those who share your story and for your advice I thank ya. Pretty. new to the circle my friends are mostly straights so I don’t have anyone to seek advice from. Not from my fam too of course.

 

Like I said I don’t feel entitled but if I’m with a guy whom I’m not physically attracted to then I rather date a girl since there’s no difference anyway. 

 

 

[Guest Wise words]

4 hours ago, Guest Avocado said:

Sorry I don’t entertain trolls. To those who share your story and for your advice I thank ya. Pretty. new to the circle my friends are mostly straights so I don’t have anyone to seek advice from. Not from my fam too of course.

 

Like I said I don’t feel entitled but if I’m with a guy whom I’m not physically attracted to then I rather date a girl since there’s no difference anyway. 

 

 

It is pretty common and normal for guys your age to be picky. Just go to hookup apps like grindr and you can see many of them just like you - must be muscular, good looking, big cock etc. As the years go by you will realise physical appearance is secondary, finding the guy which can connect with you, that can accept your flaws, that will stay by your side is more important. It takes time.

 

 

[Guest conflicted]

To TS Avo,

 

I know exactly what you mean. In fact, I felt like I was reading something that I posted before haha.

 

I think I understand what you mean about looking for someone to "date": it's not necessarily about sex and virginity - sometimes, it's just about having someone to pour your heart out to, honestly, at the end of the day. 

 

As people still in the closet, our options are quite limited. And as someone who is also introverted and not in the "scene", meeting strangers to try and form deep and meaningful connections is practically a Herculean task. I've tried Tinder and Grindr and all that nonsense too, and I faced similar issues.

 

I can't really say I've solved this problem myself, so I can only offer you what has "worked" for me thus far: I throw myself into my studies (duh), and basically other forms of activities that bring some sort of social interaction. Things like pro bono/cip really help to take your mind off of the lonely feelings, and you're giving back to the community, which is a plus. Finding classes for what you're passionate in learning can help as well, like language or sports etc. I myself found recreational boxing classes in uni, which is quite the stress-reliever :-)

 

On a sidenote, I don't really think what the other guests are saying about high standards or being unwilling to settle is necessarily accurate to people in these/your kinds of situations. I think having these sorts of standards or requirements is just more to ensure that this hypothetical partner is a person that we can click with. Personally, I think it's more of a "romantic" ideal than strict requirements, and I feel that as young as we are, we still have the leeway to hope and be romantic about our future relationships.

 

All the best for your exams, and I hope you can find what you need :-)

 

 

[Guest Walking With Pink Panthers]

There is nothing wrong with being picky, if you hope to avoid wasting time with people you won't get along with, and have no chance of starting a relationship with. For example, if a guy hates smoking and knows he never wants to be in a relationship with a smoker, there's nothing wrong with specifying no smokers in his criteria. If smokers don't like that, at least they should see they have no chance with him, and need to immediately realize they shouldn't waste their time pursuing him. The problems happen when there are psychos who get unreasonably offended and refuse to respect other people's preferences. That doesn't apply only to smokers, of course, but is just an example. You can insert other behaviours or characteristics, instead of smoking, and the point remains the same. I say be extremely picky, as long as you understand that you are limiting your potential number of matches, which is perfectly fine as long as you are happy in the end. To quote Whitney Houston: "I'd rather be alone than unhappy!"

[feedersmiracle]

If you're already having this amount of brain activity when you're single, it will cop you out when you actually start to sit down after entering a relationship. Don't think about dating or relationships, just make friends.

[AlVinyl]

22's still plenty young, take things slow and enjoy life. I know people who were together for 8 years long (since 20ish yo) in the end still break up. 

[tomcat]

On 4/20/2019 at 1:54 AM, Guest Avocado said:

As the title goes I’m a 21yo chinese dude. I only stopped being delusional few months back and started looking for guys to date, on apps like Tinder. So out of the hundreds of guys I swiped on Tinder, I only found like 5~10 guys attractive. I also tried other apps like Jackd and yea I do find some guys attractive too (some are repetitive on Tinder) but I can’t let down my guard with people on the J app so I will just end up deleting the app anyway.

 

Ok so on tinder after matching up, I met up with some of them. 1 had depression, few turned out to be feminine, 1 was just out for fun and there were mutual friendzones etc etc so up till now I haven’t dated anybody yet. So whenever I stopped talking to somebody I go back on Tinder to swipe and it has been going on for weeks and months and basically there’s nobody else to swipe already. I usually limit the age from 18-24 and distance 40km so I changed it to 18-28 and 100km. 

 

Ok so basically this to and fro thing has been really tiring for me because I’m quite a simple and traditional person. I’m decent looking, gym frequently and v straight acting (like in real life girls will show their feelings to me etc). So Im just looking for a guy who I can have feelings for (not feminine etc etc) to attempt to date exclusively: (I personally believe dating should be exclusive but from what I hear it’s always not the case) and it always ends to no avail.

 

So I’m quite an emotional person with insecurities too and this is driving me nuts because of all the insecurities. I’m not physically attracted to girls but it’s so hard to find a guy to date (I’m not even picky I’m just looking for basic traits of a man) I’m still a fkin virgin when I’m gg 22 soon although I receive oral before. (Never gave one) I’m just ranting it out because I’m so dam frustrated to the point that I’ll just force myself to be with a girl. (I know yall might say it’s irresponsible for the girl but if I’m dating a girl  I’ll try to give her everything I can. But physically it will be hard cos I have never seen a vagina before)

 

All are factual and it’s just a story of mine so no hate pls. Would appreciate any good advice woohoo thanks for reading.

OP, your first car will never be your best (or your most ever-lasting). as long as it runs, and doesn't give your problem, it is good enough. 

my advice is just to stop being so picky with your criteria and  stop obsessing about find THE ONE.

 

fun fact: everyone is looking for the right person, but nobody is trying to BE the right person. multiply that for everyone in tinder. you see the problem?

just go with someone you already know, don't care about they look but how they make you feel, get to know them, and just broach the topic of maybe becoming more.

 

if they say no, no biggie. you just need to get your first one in, and learn. oh boy, you will LEARN so many things about yourself from the first relationship.

 

It's hard but it is so important. that's why some guys in here are still single after many dates and r/s cos they refuse to learn from each experience.

 

then they blame everything from the heavens to the govt why they are alone and unhappy in life.

just take my advice please - and stay away from the apps, that is just going to push you to the brink of insanity and depression. 

take deep breathes, and trust me when you are 30, 40 - your older self will tell you, "my god, just chill out. and get over yourself."

when you do get your first r/s, (you will) no matter what, be honest, humble and respectful - and acknowledge him for being in your life, as a companion, partner and guide.

[kidster]

1 hour ago, tomcat said:

just take my advice please - and stay away from the apps, 

 

Good advice but go where else can one find if he is discreet. He don't go club or sauna or like exhibiting himself on IG.

 

Asking for a friend. Haha