Discreet, please share your experience pretending to be straight

[Guest xjun]

Posting here instead of main forum to prevent spamming from anonymous user.

 

Personally, as an only son to my parent, I have been pretending to be straight throughout my life.
 

To my parent and relatives:

When they ask if I have a girlfriend, I would tell them no rush now as I am busy with study or work. One day, my mum showed me a facebook video and say "look, a guy proposed to another guy, the world had become so weird”. My reply to her: "Yea... pretty weird...".

 

To my straight friends:

When my homophobic girl friends laugh at a guy for being gay, I joined them. When my guy friends were sharing girls on instagram, I pretend to be interested and want to see. But I do feel bad in acting this way, hence I keep a distance with them, so I don’t really have very close friend.

 

To my gay friends?

Well, I do know someone that’s gay through apps like jack’d or tinder, but I avoid being close or talk to them. For tinder, I just see see look look only, I will hide my profile once I have finished looking. I got a relatively close friend that I know since my secondary school’s day, which I always wonder if he’s gay. One day, I’m lucky to see his profile on tinder, then I got the urge to confront to him, but I decided not because it might ruin our friendship. It can be very awkward because I can see he’s in the closet as well.  

 

I feel like I’m living with two personality, I even have two online accounts for almost everything. As a closeted gay, it feels very sad that you always have to wonder/guess whether the person you crush is gay or not. Then so what if he’s really gay, you can’t confess to him as you are closeted.

 

I don't foresee myself coming out soon or even for the rest of my life. I can't come out now because I will lose everything, maybe I will live on the street. I had only few friends and I don’t want to lose them. For the rest of my life, as long as my parent and relatives are alive, I might keep pretending to be straight.

[lovehandle]

i will reply it is good to keep it open, (open thinking) Mum! to: " say "look, a guy proposed to another guy, the world had become so weird”. My reply to her: "Yea... pretty weird..."."

 

Dont have gay frens - so nothing to comment and nothing to emulate/learn from them too 

[tinkymale]

3 hours ago, xjun said:

Posting here instead of main forum to prevent spamming from anonymous user.

 

Personally, as an only son to my parent, I have been pretending to be straight throughout my life.
 

To my parent and relatives:

When they ask if I have a girlfriend, I would tell them no rush now as I am busy with study or work. One day, my mum showed me a facebook video and say "look, a guy proposed to another guy, the world had become so weird”. My reply to her: "Yea... pretty weird...".

 

To my straight friends:

When my homophobic girl friends laugh at a guy for being gay, I joined them. When my guy friends were sharing girls on instagram, I pretend to be interested and want to see. But I do feel bad in acting this way, hence I keep a distance with them, so I don’t really have very close friend.

 

To my gay friends?

Well, I do know someone that’s gay through apps like jack’d or tinder, but I avoid being close or talk to them. For tinder, I just see see look look only, I will hide my profile once I have finished looking. I got a relatively close friend that I know since my secondary school’s day, which I always wonder if he’s gay. One day, I’m lucky to see his profile on tinder, then I got the urge to confront to him, but I decided not because it might ruin our friendship. It can be very awkward because I can see he’s in the closet as well.  

 

I feel like I’m living with two personality, I even have two online accounts for almost everything. As a closeted gay, it feels very sad that you always have to wonder/guess whether the person you crush is gay or not. Then so what if he’s really gay, you can’t confess to him as you are closeted.

 

I don't foresee myself coming out soon or even for the rest of my life. I can't come out now because I will lose everything, maybe I will live on the street. I had only few friends and I don’t want to lose them. For the rest of my life, as long as my parent and relatives are alive, I might keep pretending to be straight.

I totally know that feeling... it’s tough but I’m kinda used to it.

[jackie]

hahaha, same here, who know, i might be the one you talking about, though i removed my tinder profile as I saw too many familiar face,shocking to me as well...

[hotphoenix]

you can pretend not to be gay, to many people, but your closest friends will know deep down that you are not straight. They may not openly try to undermine your effort to be closetted, because they are your close friends. but they know it. 

 

than there are the normal friends, who may give you the benefit of doubt, because they are not very very close to you, but even they, as the years go by, would have internal confirmation that you probably are gay. these friends, might also be the one, who might prod in a subtle way, to see how you react. some would acknowledge your sexuality in a very indirect way, but not uncomfortable.

 

your father, most of the time, might be totally clueless, and believe your lies. But mothers, i bet not. most mother's know their child intuitively. most mothers know, long before you even come out to them, that you are slightly different from the rest. but as with most asian society, she would keep hoping her intuitions are wrong. 

 

my own experience, have been that my girl friends are the one who are most sharp to my very minute behavior pattern, than my guy friends. they have also been the one, to always ask, when i am going to find a gf, and when i give excuses, would tell, "it's OK if you are gay, you know". 

 

I can feel what you are going through. especially the last para. i was like you. i didnt feel the need to be open about my sexuality, because i dont see myself, to be like many of the people in the gay community, acting all fabulous. 

 

but i told myself, that the day i find someone, with whom i want to live my life with, and am sure about it, will be the day that i will openly announce to my family and friends that I am having a boyfriend. and it would be a matter of fact revelation. 

[Guest xjun]

19 hours ago, jackie said:

hahaha, same here, who know, i might be the one you talking about, though i removed my tinder profile as I saw too many familiar face,shocking to me as well...

 

I stay in the west too. 

[Guest xjun]

15 hours ago, hotphoenix said:

but i told myself, that the day i find someone, with whom i want to live my life with, and am sure about it, will be the day that i will openly announce to my family and friends that I am having a boyfriend. and it would be a matter of fact revelation. 

 

That's great. I don't even have the courage to find a boyfriend. 

[thorzguy]

Do not be overly bothered with how/what others think about you. Whether you looked "normal or gay" - tongues will still wag behind.

There are people who simply loves to discuss  gossip about anyone else. You do not need to join in the conversations if you are uncomfortable or uninterested about. Why go to the extend of "pretending or forcing" yourself to do things that you dislike?

 

Focus on your well being, love yourself and most importantly: be your natural self. You will be much happier and live an even more fulfilling life.

 

[Angsanatree]

It must be really painful having your choices being held ransom to other people. The people closest to you might sense and be affected by your unhappiness.

 

I think you DO need gay friends, role models or mentors, but choose them wisely. BW is a great forum because there are all kinds here - the trolls, the bitches, the saints, the well-meant and the misguided, etc,. Use your own judgement.

 

If you get a chance, being out of Singapore alone for an extended period will allow you the "freedom of anonymity" to experiment with your choices and identity and also live life without the burden of being answerable to family and friends. Hopefully, by the time you return,  you would have found a new group of close friends with whom you can be authentic.

 

If you don't get that chance, you can still do thay - though it will help if you try being more openminded with your friends and also in making new ones. 

[Guest xjun]

16 hours ago, thorzguy said:

Do not be overly bothered with how/what others think about you. Whether you looked "normal or gay" - tongues will still wag behind.

There are people who simply loves to discuss  gossip about anyone else. You do not need to join in the conversations if you are uncomfortable or uninterested about. Why go to the extend of "pretending or forcing" yourself to do things that you dislike?

 

Focus on your well being, love yourself and most importantly: be your natural self. You will be much happier and live an even more fulfilling life.

 

 

It's easier said than done. It's not about the look because the straight can't tell anyway. When you are close with straight people, only then you realise to what extent of homophobic a person can be. They appear to be nice with you, but on your back, they will talk bad and laugh at you. I experienced it when a guy from my clique come out on social media. At my age, the topics when I meet up with my guy straight friends are usually find girlfriend, those who have girlfriend will talk about marriage, BTO, etc. Some of them will complaint to me they can't find girlfriend and ask why I didn't find one, they even jio me to blind date. I tried very hard to be my natural self. I even thought of coming out and maybe give up all my friends and parent (if they disown me). But after I think through thoroughly, I realise nothing is in favour of me if I come out, my life will gonna be even more miserable. Lastly, I would also like to do my duty of a filial son to support my parent as I'm their only child. 

[shawn-toh]

7 hours ago, Angsanatree said:

It must be really painful having your choices being held ransom to other people. The people closest to you might sense and be affected by your unhappiness.

 

I think you DO need gay friends, role models or mentors, but choose them wisely. BW is a great forum because there are all kinds here - the trolls, the bitches, the saints, the well-meant and the misguided, etc,. Use your own judgement.

 

If you get a chance, being out of Singapore alone for an extended period will allow you the "freedom of anonymity" to experiment with your choices and identity and also live life without the burden of being answerable to family and friends. Hopefully, by the time you return,  you would have found a new group of close friends with whom you can be authentic.

 

If you don't get that chance, you can still do thay - though it will help if you try being more openminded with your friends and also in making new ones. 

 

I agree with you. Take a 2 weeks overseas break in gay friendly places such as Taiwan. Be yourself. You will feel great. Meet fellow gays in Taiwan. Dress what u feel like. No one will judge you.

 

i did it when I was there in Taiwan. Felt so great. Anyway, the gays there openly hold hands and make out. Nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe you will have some enlightening moments?

[shawn-toh]

You can wear whatever you like. I wore rainbow socks and I didn’t even get too many glances at all.

[jackie]

11 hours ago, Angsanatree said:

It must be really painful having your choices being held ransom to other people. The people closest to you might sense and be affected by your unhappiness.

 

I think you DO need gay friends, role models or mentors, but choose them wisely. BW is a great forum because there are all kinds here - the trolls, the bitches, the saints, the well-meant and the misguided, etc,. Use your own judgement.

 

If you get a chance, being out of Singapore alone for an extended period will allow you the "freedom of anonymity" to experiment with your choices and identity and also live life without the burden of being answerable to family and friends. Hopefully, by the time you return,  you would have found a new group of close friends with whom you can be authentic.

 

If you don't get that chance, you can still do thay - though it will help if you try being more openminded with your friends and also in making new ones. 

I also agree with you, just like how @hairy40'sgindian who never failed to greet new comer, since I joined in 206 till now... passionate man...

[lovehandle]

Even straight men gossip too , evidently seen at this forum!!!

 

 

gays can go ahead and....

[thorzguy]

6 hours ago, xjun said:

 

It's easier said than done. It's not about the look because the straight can't tell anyway. When you are close with straight people, only then you realise to what extent of homophobic a person can be. They appear to be nice with you, but on your back, they will talk bad and laugh at you. I experienced it when a guy from my clique come out on social media. At my age, the topics when I meet up with my guy straight friends are usually find girlfriend, those who have girlfriend will talk about marriage, BTO, etc. Some of them will complaint to me they can't find girlfriend and ask why I didn't find one, they even jio me to blind date. I tried very hard to be my natural self. I even thought of coming out and maybe give up all my friends and parent (if they disown me). But after I think through thoroughly, I realise nothing is in favour of me if I come out, my life will gonna be even more miserable. Lastly, I would also like to do my duty of a filial son to support my parent as I'm their only child. 

 

I agree - easier said than done. From my school days to NSF to NS Men and now, in my 40s - it is the same with straight people asking/ talking about girlfriend, wife, mistress, property, kids planning etc...

What I am saying is you need to strike a balance and not be overly tough on yourself. All the best.

[245upz]

Heys, 

 

I am also the only child, but i have been partnered with my bf for 12 years now. 

 

Although I dont come out to my family about my relationships, i think, in the way they are always still hopeful about me getting married as well. I know its hard/stressful to be in that boat but i believe many of us only child guys will feel the same pinch. 

 

that said, i decided to come out to many of my close friends & girl friends as well, and things are better that way (for me) as then i was able to let out my frustrations of being closeted and be myself as much as i can be (be it home and outside). of course friends being in their stands will choose to move away from you or be close to you, but that said friends are abundants and you'll probably cross path with many people in life that can be close at one time and distance at another, so just cherish that moments when you do.

 

and i think we as only child guys will not be able to run away from the responsibility of taking care of our old age parents, so that said, be it one day you come out (or not, or being kicked out of home), it wont stop you to find ways to be there to support your parents if you are already have in mind that idea.

 

Hope you can find someone to talk this frustrations out and not giving you too much negative/depressive thoughts =)

[bigdanbeam]

On 5/4/2019 at 7:17 PM, xjun said:

...I even have two online accounts for almost everything.

I have 2 too. One for friends, the other for "people who i deal with at work"

 

It doesnt matter if they know if im gay or not

[Nipoet]

On 5/4/2019 at 7:17 PM, xjun said:

Posting here instead of main forum to prevent spamming from anonymous user.

 

Personally, as an only son to my parent, I have been pretending to be straight throughout my life.
 

To my parent and relatives:

When they ask if I have a girlfriend, I would tell them no rush now as I am busy with study or work. One day, my mum showed me a facebook video and say "look, a guy proposed to another guy, the world had become so weird”. My reply to her: "Yea... pretty weird...".

 

To my straight friends:

When my homophobic girl friends laugh at a guy for being gay, I joined them. When my guy friends were sharing girls on instagram, I pretend to be interested and want to see. But I do feel bad in acting this way, hence I keep a distance with them, so I don’t really have very close friend.

 

To my gay friends?

Well, I do know someone that’s gay through apps like jack’d or tinder, but I avoid being close or talk to them. For tinder, I just see see look look only, I will hide my profile once I have finished looking. I got a relatively close friend that I know since my secondary school’s day, which I always wonder if he’s gay. One day, I’m lucky to see his profile on tinder, then I got the urge to confront to him, but I decided not because it might ruin our friendship. It can be very awkward because I can see he’s in the closet as well.  

 

I feel like I’m living with two personality, I even have two online accounts for almost everything. As a closeted gay, it feels very sad that you always have to wonder/guess whether the person you crush is gay or not. Then so what if he’s really gay, you can’t confess to him as you are closeted.

 

I don't foresee myself coming out soon or even for the rest of my life. I can't come out now because I will lose everything, maybe I will live on the street. I had only few friends and I don’t want to lose them. For the rest of my life, as long as my parent and relatives are alive, I might keep pretending to be straight.

Same la. I'm mostly closeted after my Pre-U years.

Army was closeted since didn't declare 302. But after commissioning i did confess to one of my batch mate that I liked him. Since we're posted to different units after that, we didn't meet up any more.

At my first full time job, my boss ask me why I apply this job? Low pay, entry-level clerical duties. I eventually caved in and told her I'm gay. Not so bad, since only her and my direct sup knows I like guys. But during the 2 years I was there, I fell for 2 chefs working there. First one was a Malaysian cook. Cheeky and totally my type. That one nothing much happened; and after 1 year the feeling just subsided. The second one was the Head Chef. Mature and "pai-giah" type. He was the reason I left the job. xD It was then that I decided that I don't need to tell the people I work with that I'm gay. It's none of their business so long as the work I'm getting paid to do gets done. Third and current job, still doing fine. A couple of heart-breaks in between but managed to keep it in.

Family-wise, I did tell 5 of my cousins that I like guys. But that was almost a decade ago; don't even know if they remembered that part anot. :/

Of course, I was able to survive all these emotional roller-coaster because during my Pre-U days I made a BFF whom I'm out to. We're currently still BFF, even though we both have our individual SO's. It was her that allowed me to vent off some of my 'gay steam', like oogling at cute guys when we go out, acting a bit "gu-niang" with her, etc.

Support is really required if you don't want to go crazy from being closeted. Even if you don't have any physical relationship with your bunch of gay circle, at least they might be there for you to release a bit of your "gay steam" once in a while. See if there are any that clicks with you. At least it's a start from there.

Being the only son is a bit more pressurizing, tho. :x

Good luck!

[Nipoet]

7 hours ago, -Ignored- said:

sorry ,I do not see the link to why applying for a low pay has relation to gay orientation?
 

I was overqualified for the job, so the bosses were curious why and assumed there was an underlying reason for me to apply for a job way below my abilities.

I was new to the working world, so was a bit innocent and just be truthful about why I was "not normal". :/

 

7 hours ago, -Ignored- said:

may I kaypo know why bad guy mature chef made u leave? He scolded u like a gangster? or bullied cos u r  gay?
 

I told him I liked him, he told me he doesn't like me. Thereafter he made it a point to keep his distance, even though we work in the same workplace, and will have umpteen opportunities for interaction. I couldn't stand it, even though I know the reason he's avoiding me. So I decided to leave the job. :/

He was very gentlemanly though; didn't say anything about me to his other colleagues, was still professional during work.

 

7 hours ago, -Ignored- said:

Oh, u  are the Only Son!

I'm not lah! I'm commenting that TS is an only son, and I know 独生子's faces alot more pressure when it comes to marriage/sexuality. :/

[repressednerd]

I haven't come out to my family after so long (I'm already past 40). We just naturally drifted apart after I moved out. I have a bunch of gay contacts, but we don't really click, so we meet only when it is inevitable to, e.g. hearing some business proposals, bumping into each other at events etc.

 

Nobody can tell I am LGBT because straight people do have some cookie-cutter stereotype of LGBT people, especially gay men.

[Guest xjun]

On 5/13/2019 at 10:04 AM, bigdanbeam said:

I have 2 too. One for friends, the other for "people who i deal with at work"

 

It doesnt matter if they know if im gay or not

 

For me, both are personal accounts. One to follow/contact gay people and another for others. 

[Guest xjun]

On 5/18/2019 at 12:05 PM, Nipoet said:

Same la. I'm mostly closeted after my Pre-U years.

Army was closeted since didn't declare 302. But after commissioning i did confess to one of my batch mate that I liked him. Since we're posted to different units after that, we didn't meet up any more.

At my first full time job, my boss ask me why I apply this job? Low pay, entry-level clerical duties. I eventually caved in and told her I'm gay. Not so bad, since only her and my direct sup knows I like guys. But during the 2 years I was there, I fell for 2 chefs working there. First one was a Malaysian cook. Cheeky and totally my type. That one nothing much happened; and after 1 year the feeling just subsided. The second one was the Head Chef. Mature and "pai-giah" type. He was the reason I left the job. xD It was then that I decided that I don't need to tell the people I work with that I'm gay. It's none of their business so long as the work I'm getting paid to do gets done. Third and current job, still doing fine. A couple of heart-breaks in between but managed to keep it in.

Family-wise, I did tell 5 of my cousins that I like guys. But that was almost a decade ago; don't even know if they remembered that part anot. :/

Of course, I was able to survive all these emotional roller-coaster because during my Pre-U days I made a BFF whom I'm out to. We're currently still BFF, even though we both have our individual SO's. It was her that allowed me to vent off some of my 'gay steam', like oogling at cute guys when we go out, acting a bit "gu-niang" with her, etc.

Support is really required if you don't want to go crazy from being closeted. Even if you don't have any physical relationship with your bunch of gay circle, at least they might be there for you to release a bit of your "gay steam" once in a while. See if there are any that clicks with you. At least it's a start from there.

Being the only son is a bit more pressurizing, tho. :x

Good luck!

 

Thank you for sharing! Interesting story.  

I also got a crush on straight "pai-giah" guy before but  many stories I read taught me not to fall for straight so I have not taken any action thus far.

[fab]

@xjun

 

If u r already financially independent n have reached adulthood, I hope u won't be so harsh to yourself. I m shocked u mentioned other than your parents, u mind what your relatives think too.

 

If u r thinking of marriage with a woman, ask yourself if u can fulfill the roles of a husband and a father else it will be unfair to them.

 

If u r still single, remain status quo, i.e. don't ask, don't tell. A friend who's attached and working, came out to his parents n was chased out by his dad. After the dad passed away years later, the mum told him to shift home with his bf.

 

My mum asked me during my uni days n I lied to her. When she asked again after I started working, I just ignored her. During one cny dinner, when chw or Bryan Wong was on TV, she sort of criticized them for being gays and how they will hurt their parents n no one to take care of them during their old age etc. To my surprise, my siblings defended them by saying orientation is not a choice etc.

 

So case in pt, things may not be as bad as u think n learn to be kind to yourself.

 

 

 

Edited May 21, 2019 by fab

[Guest xjun]

2 hours ago, fab said:

@xjun

 

If u r already financially independent n have reached adulthood, I hope u won't be so harsh to yourself. I m shocked u mentioned other than your parents, u mind what your relatives think too.

  

If u r thinking of marriage with a woman, ask yourself if u can fulfill the role of a husband and a father else it will be unfair to them.

 

If u still single, remain status quo, i.e. don't ask, don't tell. A friend who attached and working, came out to his parents n was chased out by his dad. After the dad passed away years later, the mum told him to shift home with his bf.

 

My mum asked during my uni days n I lied to her. When she asked again after I started working, I just ignored her. During one cny dinner, when chw or Bryan Wong was on TV, she sort of criticized them for being gays and how they will hurt their parents n no one to take care of them during their old age etc. To my surprise, my siblings defended them by saying orientation is not a choice etc.

  

So case in pt, things may not be as bad as u think n learn to be kind to yourself.

 

 

 

 

Adulthood yes, financially independent no. At least, not yet. My relatives are toxic, any bad news will spread to everyone in the family tree.

 

Am I harsh to myself? or is the world being harsh to me?

 

I always ask myself few questions … why am I a gay? Why am I the only child of my family? Why my parents still want to have me when they already so old? Why my parent willing to skip meals just to support my education? What are their expectations of me? What can I do to make myself happier and at the same time not to hurt my parents?

 

I already knew the answer to above questions, but they keep pop out in my mind. My solution currently is to remain status quo and gave them some (fake) hopes. As for myself, I try not to think about relationship and try to forget I’m gay (I knew I can’t).

 

As someone who hate to lie, I never thought of marriage with a woman. Yes, I am single. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend too because I as I said I don’t like to lie. I kept my friend circle small and keep a distance from them because I don’t like to get questioned and if I do then I must lie again. Lying is very stressful. I really hope one day I can make new friends as a gay but in a society like Singapore, it doesn’t help.

Edited May 20, 2019 by xjun

[Nipoet]

11 hours ago, xjun said:

 

Adulthood yes, financially independent no. At least, not yet. My relatives are toxic, any bad news will spread to everyone in the family tree.

 

Am I harsh to myself? or is the world being harsh to me?

 

I always ask myself few questions … why am I a gay? Why am I the only child of my family? Why my parents still want to have me when they already so old? Why my parent willing to skip meals just to support my education? What are their expectations of me? What can I do to make myself happier and at the same time not to hurt my parents?

 

I already knew the answer to above questions, but they keep pop out in my mind. My solution currently is to remain status quo and gave them some (fake) hopes. As for myself, I try not to think about relationship and try to forget I’m gay (I knew I can’t).

 

As someone who hate to lie, I never thought of marriage with a woman. Yes, I am single. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend too because I as I said I don’t like to lie. I kept my friend circle small and keep a distance from them because I don’t like to get questioned and if I do then I must lie again. Lying is very stressful. I really hope one day I can make new friends as a gay but in a society like Singapore, it doesn’t help.

Friends are the way to go! Those that you feel at ease and are able to accept you for who you are, you can even "adopt" them as your godbrother/godsister. xD

For an only child, I feel that social support in terms of friends will be most useful in preventing you from going bonkers due to pressure from parents/family.

It is good to be filial to your parents that gave you life and love. But you'll have to grapple with the opposing demands of them wanting a grandchild vs you having your own happiness.

The situation you have here is quite common compared to China with their One-Child policy back then.

As their child, you have every duty and responsibility to ensure their health and happiness. But conversely, as your parents, they will want you to prosper and be happy in life also.

In short, keep yourself happy, while providing for your parents. They may be dejected at first from not being able to 抱孙子，but that is an issue they have to come to terms with by themselves. 

Cheers and friend on!

[fab]

Yes, educate them subtly.

[245upz]

On 5/21/2019 at 12:27 AM, xjun said:

 

Adulthood yes, financially independent no. At least, not yet. My relatives are toxic, any bad news will spread to everyone in the family tree.

 

Am I harsh to myself? or is the world being harsh to me?

 

I always ask myself few questions … why am I a gay? Why am I the only child of my family? Why my parents still want to have me when they already so old? Why my parent willing to skip meals just to support my education? What are their expectations of me? What can I do to make myself happier and at the same time not to hurt my parents?

 

I already knew the answer to above questions, but they keep pop out in my mind. My solution currently is to remain status quo and gave them some (fake) hopes. As for myself, I try not to think about relationship and try to forget I’m gay (I knew I can’t).

 

As someone who hate to lie, I never thought of marriage with a woman. Yes, I am single. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend too because I as I said I don’t like to lie. I kept my friend circle small and keep a distance from them because I don’t like to get questioned and if I do then I must lie again. Lying is very stressful. I really hope one day I can make new friends as a gay but in a society like Singapore, it doesn’t help.

 

you can have gay friends ah, and also can find time to go out with them... it shouldnt stop you to meet friends from all walks of life.... or just meet people one to one just so that you can be urself for a while is a good therapy IMO.

I asked that questions about parents wanting us, although we are already old enuff and if we are in any orientations... but we are their joy and also their thropy no matter how we dont really like being describe like it (especially when we are only child & son, in a chinese family traditional mindsets) so we cant deviate from that... i also live with this responsibility =)

[fab]

On 5/21/2019 at 12:27 AM, xjun said:

 

Adulthood yes, financially independent no. At least, not yet. My relatives are toxic, any bad news will spread to everyone in the family tree.

 

Am I harsh to myself? or is the world being harsh to me?

 

I always ask myself few questions … why am I a gay? Why am I the only child of my family? Why my parents still want to have me when they already so old? Why my parent willing to skip meals just to support my education? What are their expectations of me? What can I do to make myself happier and at the same time not to hurt my parents?

 

I already knew the answer to above questions, but they keep pop out in my mind. My solution currently is to remain status quo and gave them some (fake) hopes. As for myself, I try not to think about relationship and try to forget I’m gay (I knew I can’t).

 

As someone who hate to lie, I never thought of marriage with a woman. Yes, I am single. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend too because I as I said I don’t like to lie. I kept my friend circle small and keep a distance from them because I don’t like to get questioned and if I do then I must lie again. Lying is very stressful. I really hope one day I can make new friends as a gay but in a society like Singapore, it doesn’t help.

 

Whatever your decision is, I hope you don't live a life of deceit n denial.

 

Be kind in your decision to everyone including yourself.

 

[Justbear]

@xjun  I understand how you feel. I myself been thru this since the age of 12(now 40)even I explore sex starting from penis to mouth. I had been keeping this to myself except for a few who knows (less then 5 fingers) who I m what. 

I always tell them that I got a few relationships but it all fails.  Life’s goes on. It really depends on how you managed your emotional feelings and the urge of looking at guys. 

Dont worry. Just be yourself. Life’s goes on. 

 

[Justbear]

On 5/22/2019 at 8:09 AM, fab said:

 

Whatever your decision is, I hope you don't live a life of deceit n denial.

 

Be kind in your decision to everyone including yourself.

 

Please do not blame your parents. They need a support when they are old. 

They skip meals for you is because they want to let you have the best since you are the only one. 

Being a gay is what you explore thru your life when you started. 

Like how I got started. He got me to suck his huge dick. And I tot is a must to blow for boys or men. I got sexually harassment.

at the age of 7. 

But lucky, I’m clean.