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Is it wrong to have fun with married man? Will you avoid it?


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On 7/29/2021 at 12:32 AM, notd said:

Here's a personal experience of mine. It's long, bear with me.

 

Last year, I had a short-lived friends-with-benefits arrangement with a friend of mine. 2020 was a rather tumultuous year for me, particularly during the mid of 2020. With lockdown affecting everyone left, right and center, I was no exception too. Being a freelancer, I was struggling to make a living because all of my usual clients were halting their projects and sourcing their projects internally. Put simply, there were months where I earned nothing. On a good month, I'd earn a few hundreds but that was it. The good news is I live with my parents, and we all contributed what money we have from a month to relief each other of any household burdens.

 

Despite the fact that I lived with my family however, my family was going through its battles too. Particularly, my brother had gotten married not long ago and was living with us. Initially, the experience was okay. Over time however, it became apparent that the lockdown took a toll on everyone's mental health. My brother was quite the bully at home, and my parents feared him even though they were the ones who financially sponsored him and bought him a house a few houses down from the family home. Mind you, my brother is a man in his late 30s, helping out with his dad's business, barely financially stable or getting it together and rushing in marriage then family planning. My parents' initial plan was to buy him a home not far away, get him to move out so we can all resume our lives as usual. But the lockdown delayed the construction of his new home, and weeks became months. To make matters worse, my sister in law announced she was pregnant. It was a bittersweet moment for everyone, because we knew the days ahead would be tough as nails, in a bad way. There was a brief period where all economic sectors in KL were allowed to resume, and the construction went on. Somewhere along the way however, the contractor start embezzling money from my parents. Promises were suddenly unfulfilled and there was a brief scuffle between the family and the contractor. To cut the story short, my parents and brother, fearing that the contractor might come back at them with a vendetta, decided to end things amicably despite knowing full well they had suffered 10k in financial losses.

 

Around the time the lockdown was momentarily lifted, I had found a job, courtesy of a friend of mine. It wasn't what I wanted, considering it offered a fresher's pay, but I took it because it beat having zero clients and earning measly hundreds monthly. But the job offer didn't last long. You see, the job that I took had outrageous KPIs, expecting me to prioritize quantity over quality. I was not one to turn in my work half-assed. My boss knew I meant well and cherish my contributions, but nearing the first month of my probation, we both agreed this wasn't working out. On the week the bad news was delivered to me, I was crushed. 

 

The family drama hadn't ceased, and I had no social support that were immediately made available to me. At that point, I was already a year into BW forums, and joined the BW group chat. I was aware of certain members in that group chat, and acquainted myself with someone decent and oh-so my type. That particular day I was crushed, I needed someone to talk to, someone proper. Instead, I reached out to the acquaintance from the group chat, hit him up and asked if I could come over to chat. I told him I was looking to hook up, and he merely obliged.

 

I took a 45 mins - an hour's drive to his place. Not sure what the hell what I was doing, yet deep down not heeding the voices in my head well enough. When I got to his place, I was greeted with a contemporary-looking apartment. Your usual high-end residences with some bourgeois name. I registered myself at the guardhouse, parked my car at the visitor's parking lot, made my way up to his unit. I rang the door bell, and was greeted with a pleasantly dressed guy, grinning at me and ushering me in.

 

He was hospitable throughout my stay there. Offering me lunch because he knew I hadn't eaten. Pouring me a glass of water. Despite knowing I was there to get sexual with him, he treated me like any other guests. Instead of moving about awkwardly and not knowing what to do, he made me feel at home. We talked for an hour or two, and I poured my heart out to him, how I felt completely lonely and unsupported throughout the lockdown because my family has its fair share of drama already.

 

What he gave me was a safe space, and I spoke without inhibition for the first time in that year. An hour or two went by, when things started to settle down, we talked about more casual stuffs. It was then I learned he was married, not to a lady. No, he was married to man. An actual marriage. He and his husband had registered overseas.  I thought... wait, if you're married, wouldn't this be wrong? Turns out, his husband was overseas, settling in and working to get a PR. When things had stabilized, he would then move over to join his husband. He made it clear that he and his hubby were in an open relationship. 

 

I knew I had to get out of there, but lust, grief and confusion altogether overtook all sense of logic at that point. And before I knew it, we were getting cozy and intimate with one another. A few smooches, a few kisses, a slip n' slide of the tongue here and there. A bit of the shirt lifted up, then two bare bodies, and well, the rest was history. I was there for foreplay, but as I've said before, grief clouded my judgment. I don't know what came over me, before I knew it, I told him to take me. 

 

I was a virgin up to that point of my life, never experienced any penetrative sex. I thought to myself, if I didn't force myself to have penetrative sex with someone, by the time I meet the right guy and have sex with him, he might be put off by my inexperience with sex. The married guy was thorough and gentle all the way through. He was sexually accepting of me in every unconditional manner possible. I kept apologizing whenever he failed to enter me, because I knew it was my mind protecting me from hurting myself. But a few tries later, some fingering and loosening up, the mind gave up protecting me. He entered me, and it was painful, though pleasurable at the end. 

 

That was really just the start of everything wrong. Since meeting him, we have slept with one another 5 times. 3 times which were penetrative sex, the remainder merely foreplay. I'll get to that in a bit. Point is, he knew of my struggles, and offered me a place of solace to escape for a few hours. Since he lived with his housmate, who happened to be gay too, he said I was welcome to bunk in whenever I wanted. That was kept me going back to him. Whenever things got a little crazy at home, I spent the night at his place.

 

Between July to late August, I was spending at least 3-4 Fridays at his place, usually returning home on Sat evening or Sunday morning under the pretense that it was too unsafe for me drive long distance at night. All the times I've spent sleeping over at his place, we shared the same bed. We both knew what it meant to sleep on the same bed together. And I think his housemate knew of the hanky panky we engaged in. I could have insisted on bunking in on the hard couch, but I went with him to his bedroom. We would strip and shower, then go onto the bed, cuddle under the sheets. Then the same thing happens smooches and kisses, licks and sucks, right down to fucks and moans.

 

Sex is sacred to me. Particularly because I have always maintained a "sex for your boyfriend only" principle. I would want to have sex with someone who's in a committed relationship with me, but I betrayed my own principle. There I was, having my cherry popped by a guy I barely knew. Despite his efforts to make me feel comfortable and human, I knew it was wrong. But I went back for seconds and thirds. The second time was when I thoroughly enjoyed my sex with him. I don't know what happened that night, apart from the usual hanky panky, he helped me enjoy sex for the first time in my life. Perhaps it was the position we assumed. He had fucked me at the edge of his bed and that particular angle allowed his head to hit my g-spot so hard that it made feel me like I was in heaven. After that session, we cleaned up, went back to cuddling. He drifted back to sleep soon enough, but I was conflicted with what I felt.

 

"Why did I allow myself to sleep with him the second time?" I asked myself. The fact that I went back again meant I was comfortable with him, more importantly, it meant I felt safe with him. Above all, it confirmed my worst fears, I was putting emotions into our tryst. I turned over and looked at him face, and realized my heart moved a little. Despite knowing each other for 2 weeks then, I was beginning to form some attachments towards him. 

 

Things became even more blurry by then. After our second rendezvous, I complicated matters further by introducing a gay friend who lived nearby him to him. This gay friend was like a little brother of mine. He too had a dysfunctional family, he lives with his mother (parents are divorced) and the mom is constantly taking it out on him. I thought to myself, if I can't physically be there for you, perhaps this married guy could. What was I thinking anyway? I can never tell, but I guess I was trying to be do something good. Outside of sex, the married guy was everything I had hoped for. Intellectual, conversational, very much into gaming like me and enjoys boardgames. He loved cooking too. It was a fit, but alas, it is what it is. He's married and his husband was overseas planning for their future.

 

The only wrong I ever did was developed some feelings for him. He and his husband were fucking different people at different places at the same time. They were emotionally mature enough to handle that sort of complicated relationship. I wasn't, I wanted something simple and sacred if you will, but at that point, my relationship with the married man was anything but sacred. If any, I was on an emotional drug.

 

At this point, you must be thinking. Omg, can you just cut to the chase and answer the damn question. I will. Or, you may be thinking, why didn't you just pull the trigger and cut things off? I couldn't. Everytime I tried to, I was somehow reeled back in. The married guy is super open to sex. He relishes in it. He's on PreP, practices safe sex, goes for monthly STIs if he's active. But what made it super difficult to cut things off, was the fact that our interactions had no line drawn between them. It was a complicated thing. We were more than friends with benefits but lesser than lovers. The interactions, the texts, the daily checking ons, the way we held each others' hands while we were getting at it, it was all too hard for me to cut things off. I thought I could count on myself to cut things off when it counted, but boy was I horribly wrong. 

 

The last time we had anal sex, it was nothing special. A heated afternoon, two guys sweating in guest room with volume 3 fan spinning above us. The sex was somewhat aggressive and rough, the lubrication was poor. And I had lost those feelings because the conflict grew stronger. The only takeway from my 3rd sex with him was, I learned how or how NOT to ride someone. Thankfully he was forgiving as always. 

 

The remainder times, if you are still reading up to this point, is like I said, foreplay. Clean and simple. The last 2 times happened hours apart. One during midnight and another during the morning wood vibes. That night, we had the house to ourselves. His housemate had went back to his hometown for the long weekend and he was all by himself. He had hinted about wanting me to come over. I could have suggested everything kinky that ever came to mind. 

 

"Let's go up to the sky garden and fuck naked," and satiate my curiosity of an outdoor sex.

 

"Let's fuck by the windows in the dark," and fulfill my curiosity of what it's like to potentially be seen someone.

 

"Let's do it bareback," and wonder how it's like to feel the thrill.

 

Or simply moan our hearts out. Neither of that happened. 

 

I found myself thinking that I couldn't go on like this any longer. It didn't matter that he and his hubby were open. It didn't matter that his hubby minded or didn't mind. None of it concerned me. But I was wrought with guilt. I would never dream of being a homewrecker, and there I was, defeating that account up to three times then. The softest landing I could afford myself was foreplay and no more. 

 

There was one night, my friend and I together went to his house. It was the same night we had two foreplay sessions hours apart. He had hosted a close dinner party with his 2 straight friends along with us. I bought food, he facetimed his hubby over dinner. Everyone greeted him, including my friend. I merely forced a smile. I don't know if I was reading too much into things, but his husband's eye contact suggested he was less than receptive to my presence. Maybe he was just being foreign with a stranger, god knows. 

 

My friend knew of our escapades and warned me that I was setting myself up for a world of hurt. But by then, he had taken a liking to the married guy. He regarded him as a mentor of sorts. Nothing sexual for sure. At one point, I lost this friend over the married guy too. This is a story I will not delve into deeply, but it is my fault. My friend had unintentionally exposed me in front of the married guy that I had feelings for him. I think the married guy knew, but never confronted my openly. We fought, and never spoke again. My friend still has my shirt with him and refuses to return it, but oh well.

 

That period, I "ghosted" on the married guy, and he was upset. He implied that I had vanished for a bit, but didn't push on. I had intended to come clean to him, but couldn't find the courage to do so. Thankfully, he wasn't the grudgeful type. Soon, we were back to being friends, minus the sex.

 

All that happened close to 9-10 months ago. And I still hadn't told him what happened. He said his plans to migrate are realizing day by day, and perhaps he would be gone in a year or two. I often wondered if I would come clean to him then, but I guess some things are better left unspoken. I paid him a visit at his place sometime in May. Having spent time apart from each other and steel/rationalized my feelings, I was able to see him as nothing but a good friend.

 

He's still fucking around these days, not that it's good or bad thing. He recounted his sexual rendezvous at a well-known commercial gym. Some boy caught his eye, snuck into his cubicle and fucked him. He speaks of his experience as it were nothing. He spoke of the same fondness about his experience with his gym fling. When asked if he felt more about the guy, he refused to define it, but acknowledges he wished something more had happen. That was enough to convince me that I was but a tool in our tryst too.

 

I don't know if it's right for me to say this, but part of me wished I could turn back time and undo my popping-the-cherry experience. I didn't mind if I was inexperienced, but I wished I could take it all back. It's not regrets speaking, perhaps self-love. Only a few close friends knew of my encounter with him, and they understood what I felt. Some had offered their two cents that he was a "pro" in sweet talking and getting people hooked onto him. In a way, you could say I was being taken advantage of. I was emotionally vulnerable and he could have rejected me, but went with it. The only reason I would never say that openly, is that the sex was and always has been consensual, no matter how ill-informed I was. 

 

Sometimes, I worry what would my future boyfriend think about me. I know the saying "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind," applies. But I guess I'm still disappointed in myself one way or the other, but that's my own demons to fight now. 

 

We live and let learn after all. 

 

To end this long, diverted digression. The answer to the question, is it wrong to sleep with a married man? My answer is no, but can you draw a line for yourself is what I'm asking. I wholeheartedly agree with doncoin's post that you deserve happiness, and continuing to delude yourself will only lead you to more pain. 

 

Some posts here talk about how they make things clear with their flings, good for you if you're able to keep emotions and sex separate. Some of us can't. And no matter how much you try to draw a line, we're emotional beings at the end of the day. Friends-with-benefits or fuck buddies usually go two ways, they either stay the way they are, or someone catches feelings and fall for one another. At which point the question that begs to be heard is, do you take a chance on each other and proceed romantically, or risk cutting one party off and going through a world of hurt? 

 

I don't know many people who can remain indifferent to their feelings. I could be wrong, but most of the elderly gay men I've known, gay married or straight married, have at one point confessed they were in love with their male (fuck) partners, and wished they could be with them. Some have outright professed they regretted their life choices. But that's another story to be told.

 

My last words. Just don't do something that would hurt yourself. 

hi,

 

just wanna say your text on the above matter about your own experience... it has knocked so much sense out of me at this point out of a sudden!

 

i was... rather am, involve with a married man (he has a wife).

 

you wrote so coherently and calmly straight on with no judgement and hate! i admired that! i hope by now you have found peace, and your other half. you truly deserve someone who love you as it is!

 

thanks for sharing!

 

luv, mith

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On 1/19/2022 at 9:51 AM, mith said:

hi,

 

just wanna say your text on the above matter about your own experience... it has knocked so much sense out of me at this point out of a sudden!

 

i was... rather am, involve with a married man (he has a wife).

 

you wrote so coherently and calmly straight on with no judgement and hate! i admired that! i hope by now you have found peace, and your other half. you truly deserve someone who love you as it is!

 

thanks for sharing!

 

luv, mith

 

I'm always surprised to see how much my experience resonates with some of the people here. And yes, I've already moved on from the experience. Thanks for asking. In fact, I dare say he and I have fallen out of touch. These days we're more strangers and than acquaintance. Occasionally we would text one another to see how we're doing, but the conversation doesn't proceed further. At the time of this writing, I believe he's busy sorting out his apartment and trying to figure out what and what not to bring along with him. He'll be migrating to down under in a month or two.

 

Anyways, I hope you can find your peace too.

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  • 6 months later...
  • G_M changed the title to Married Men & Guys with GF - When you have fun with a guy, do you consider it as infidelity?
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Married guys
On 9/1/2022 at 4:16 AM, Guest Auscent said:

Why in personal so many guys want to have fun only with married guys?

 

Cause married man know how to fuck their wife. 

So all this man want to be fucked like their wives la. 

Also married man probably don't get enough sex from their wives. 

So the sexual energy level is off the charts! 

 

And also want to destroy happy marriage. 

Just like society destroyed us. 

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Guest also likes married men
On 9/1/2022 at 8:17 AM, Guest Married guys said:

 

Cause married man know how to fuck their wife. 

So all this man want to be fucked like their wives la. 

Also married man probably don't get enough sex from their wives. 

So the sexual energy level is off the charts! 

 

And also want to destroy happy marriage. 

Just like society destroyed us. 

nope 

 

it is a fetish to sleep with married men. Also, they almost wouldn't want anything more from you than sex. 

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Guest Hiao Chee 冰冰

I sucked many married guys.  They really like a hot mouth.  One guy tried to resist a little, I grabbed his hands and sucked.  His shivered and moaned like a virgin.

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Guest Hiao Chee 冰冰
On 9/1/2022 at 1:54 PM, Guest Hiao Chee 冰冰 said:

I sucked many married guys.  They really like a hot mouth.  One guy tried to resist a little, I grabbed his hands and sucked.  His shivered and moaned like a virgin.

This type of man cannot give chance to escape one ....must sucked until he come back for more

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On 8/15/2022 at 9:59 PM, Startup said:

Some of them have a way of using their upper body to fulfil their marriage vows while using their lower body to find physical happiness. 

Upper body strength. Nice chest and armpits. Lower body legs power. Nice hairy banana 

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On 9/1/2022 at 8:17 AM, Guest Married guys said:

 

Cause married man know how to fuck their wife. 

So all this man want to be fucked like their wives la. 

Also married man probably don't get enough sex from their wives. 

So the sexual energy level is off the charts! 

 

And also want to destroy happy marriage. 

Just like society destroyed us. 

That is just sad

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On 8/14/2022 at 11:09 AM, milky_boi said:

I know it’s a touchy subject but I really want to know. 
 

To married men/guys with gf-

When you have fun with a guy, do you consider it as infidelity? 

 

When your partner has fun with another person, do you consider it as infidelity? 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Infidelity rises the question of what is fidelity.  

 

A dictionary definition is:  "faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support."  Can it also be defined as loyalty and support exclusively to a "partner" above everyone else?

 

When I was married, my loyalty and support was to my wife and child,  and a little to my family.  So there was good FIDELITY.  This didn't kept me for twice in business trips to other distant cities to have sex with guys.   I didn't confer to these few gays any loyalty or support, although we had a few moments of friendship.

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To me, there is no such thing as [good] fidelity. It's either yes or no. There is no in-between. 

 

You mentioned you had gay sex during business trips... have you ever consider potentially bringing unintentional diseases to your wife? 

 

I think unfaithful men create their own set of rules to make it alright to cheat. 

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On 9/16/2022 at 12:05 AM, milky_boi said:

To me, there is no such thing as [good] fidelity. It's either yes or no. There is no in-between. 

 

You mentioned you had gay sex during business trips... have you ever consider potentially bringing unintentional diseases to your wife? 

 

I think unfaithful men create their own set of rules to make it alright to cheat. 

 

Exactly. For the 99.9%, their wives never signed up to have other men pleasure their husbands. That's why these "discreet" guys are on gay platforms gaslighting the definition of fidelity instead of having honest convos with their wives.

 

It takes a ton of mental gymnastics  to say it only counts as an affair if the third party is a woman. Good grief.

Edited by JK93
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Married guys justify by saying they have needs too... eventually they still go back to their family.... bla bla...

To me they are just ball-less POS who wants to have their cake and eat it.

Poor wives who signed up for a sham marriage still kept in the dark while their husbands happily messing around outside.

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On 9/15/2022 at 11:05 AM, milky_boi said:

To me, there is no such thing as [good] fidelity. It's either yes or no. There is no in-between. 

 

You mentioned you had gay sex during business trips... have you ever consider potentially bringing unintentional diseases to your wife? 

 

I think unfaithful men create their own set of rules to make it alright to cheat. 

 

You seem to be a worthy creature of the digital era:   yes or no,  good or bad,  cold or hot, tall or little, slim or fat.

 

But while the act is "yes or no",  its frequency and the circumstances surrounding it make a difference.  One rare occasional sex outside the couple should not justify stoning the guy to death.   The probability of infecting the spouse is also a function of how often this happens.    It seems that the world is more analog than digital, ha ha.

 

On 9/15/2022 at 11:10 AM, milky_boi said:

 

Also, I don't need any well wishes that has double meaning. You can fluff off.

 

First of all,  you need to explain to me how this is done.  You "fluff off" with your arms or your legs?  Is it done dressed or undressed?

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  • 3 weeks later...

As a believer of Karma, I believe those who commit adultery will never enjoy successful relationship and will always suffer from deceit and heartbreaks. Even if not this life span, next life your r/s will be affected.

 

Reap what you sow - just remember that.

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Guest Hiao Chee 冰冰
On 10/3/2022 at 3:00 PM, Ironrod said:

As a believer of Karma, I believe those who commit adultery will never enjoy successful relationship and will always suffer from deceit and heartbreaks. Even if not this life span, next life your r/s will be affected.

 

Reap what you sow - just remember that.

Relationship not what I m seeking for.  I need good looks, good physique, good cock.

 

That's why I am a Hiao Chee.  Married man's best toy

 

 

 

 

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Just play..fun but just don't have any attached feeling...treat it like bros helping each other....no feelings but must have passion for fun sex release...play the roles be happy repeat... sometimes they will get attached to you.. from time to time need to remind them that is all...no drama no shit...be it clean or mild or hardcore or etc..haha 

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On 10/4/2022 at 12:36 PM, MasterFitMalaySG4U said:

Just play..fun but just don't have any attached feeling...treat it like bros helping each other....no feelings but must have passion for fun sex release...play the roles be happy repeat... sometimes they will get attached to you.. from time to time need to remind them that is all...no drama no shit...be it clean or mild or hardcore or etc..haha 

 

In short, be a slut.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Unfortunately, that's not how Karma works.

 

Just because nobody knows what you are doing, doesn't meant it's not  adultery. Sleeping with somebody who is married is different from sleeping with somebody else BF/GF as marriage is a vow and commitment 2 person took. Thus the word Adultery - "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse." 

 

If one does not live its life with basic moral values, one's rebirth is easily be in the 3 lower realm.

 

Remember: Energy doesn't cease to exist, it merely change form

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What karma? Dun impose your  beliefs on others lah. Just like people also tell you that you'll burn in hell. 

All just enjoy. Married hunky daddy tops are da best!!

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  • 1 year later...

I always thought it is good karma to help people when they are in need and others can't help them, just that this time, it is a sexual need from the husband when the wife is not helping. :whistle:

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1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

I always thought it is good karma to help people when they are in need and others can't help them, just that this time, it is a sexual need from the husband when the wife is not helping. :whistle:

 

Then when another gay cum slut steal your bf. Then you don't cry. Cause like you said. It's karma.

 

Or maybe it's karma that you will never find or have a loyal faithful love in your lifetime. 

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4 hours ago, Guest Loo said:

 

Then when another gay cum slut steal your bf. Then you don't cry. Cause like you said. It's karma.

 

Or maybe it's karma that you will never find or have a loyal faithful love in your lifetime. 

 

Don't be so sour leh. I'm already in a loving open relationship. See ... that's evidence of good karma for you. 🥰

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Guest 野战女王

I like to sex married guys.  They have very strong desires and are suppressed for a long time.  Once I unleash their sexual desires, they are wild beasts that can make me moan like a slut in bed.

 

I also don't mind if their wife knows and come confront me.  I will insult them and slap them if they dare fight me.  My one hand will grab their hair, the other will slap their face non-stop.  I will also not hesitate to slap, punch, kick their breast and cunt if need be.  No mercy!

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On 10/4/2022 at 12:36 PM, MasterFitMalaySG4U said:

Just play..fun but just don't have any attached feeling...treat it like bros helping each other....no feelings but must have passion for fun sex release...play the roles be happy repeat... sometimes they will get attached to you.. from time to time need to remind them that is all...no drama no shit...be it clean or mild or hardcore or etc..haha 

Think it's more you help them. They are usually a deadfish. 

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U right Balestier haha 😆

 

To be honest I thought married man got the skills when comes to sex actually they don't...just fuck etc ..actually they can learn a lot from us to practice on their wives or gf (for example ask the gf or wives to lick or suck or put nipple clamps on them)...coz I think their ego or lack of experience make them no confidence n sadly depends on 💊 or pop*ers or dru*GS or coffee or sensual lube 😂 if only they learn to jelqing (massage your penis etc..) no need to go vegan (balance food or diet, no gas drink) workout 2-3 (gym run swim) enough water n sleep your cock will maintain hardness erected horny testosterone will go up. 😂 (Don't believe much what u read or watch in social media platforms 😂)

 

 

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