Advise on Maid issues

[Guest help]

We are just a small family consist of my mum, dad and myself (no siblings) + a pinoy maid.

She has been with us for 2 years.

Her main job

-      to take care of my disabled mum eg. toileting, bathing, feeding, medication and washing her clothes etc.

-      clean toilets once a week, windows (twice a year)

-      iron my clothes every week

-      cook my dinner (including mum and hers) 4 times a week. I do not require her to wash my clothes as I wash it myself. Dad also doesn’t require her to wash his clothes as he washes his own clothes

Since she started work, she has broken a pot glass cover (even though she wanted to pay for it from her salary), damaged my mum’s air mattress cover which is of vinyl material and I’ve no idea how she damaged it as she claimed it `torn’ due to the daily transfer of my mum in & out of bed as well as knocked off a floor tile in the corner of living room but after many months still kept quiet and never tell me!

Every time, she damaged an item I’d forgave her.

However, sometimes, for unknown reason she show faces even though we did not nag or reprimand her.

The time when she joined in 2017, I felt grateful that she has helped us in our difficult times during those days when my mum was in and out of hospital and hence I just tolerate with her black faces (though not all the time). However, I find that she is able to juggle her work and able to give medication in time to my mum. House chores also clean and tidy.

She is working to support her eldest daughter in University. From Day 1 when she joined, my parents asked me to continue engage her services until her daughter graduate from University – at least we are doing a good deed in helping someone to succeed in life which the eldery believe will bring good karma.

Sometimes when for no apparent reason the maid  show faces, I’m thinking of terminating her without giving any prior notice as I’m afraid she’d harm my disabled mum. BUT I hesitated as thinking back, she has helped us during our difficult times and by terminating her seems VERY cruel. Also, hiring a new maid will need re-train and if unlucky, new maid will be WORST then current maid.

 

 

The reason why am I here is that I’d like to find out how many of your maids show faces and how you handle the situation esp maid argue with your eldery folks.

Please advise. Thanks.

 

 

[Guest John]

After reading this, can the subject be changed to “Advise on TS issues’?

 

Questions for you:

1. Did you make her aware about her role as maid and a care giver? Those are two jobs you know and you are paying her only one.

 

2. Your parents do not have complain and you are the only one seeing faults. So ask yourself again why it is like that.

 

3. Things wear off overtime. It follows the law of nature. It falls, it breaks, it tears. Don’t blame it on her unless you have proof that she is doing it on purpose.

 

4. She is giving you the faces. Only to you so that means you are the cause of her irritation. Why don’t you have a heart to heart talk with her so you can resolve the issues amicably.

 

5. You can always fire her but you already know the implication. So again, have a talk with her. It might end up very well for everyone.

 

6. Put yourself on her shoes. You might find the reason also. Treat her well as human and not as a machine who just follow commands.

[Guest humanity]

You better enquire with the maid if your mum insults her or verbally abuses  her. Her ugly face might be a result of any sort of bad treatment.

Your mum might have fought against the maid handling her and the mattress cover tore.

 

Don't be too commandful. Show some humanity. Please consider that the speaking tone in the Philippines is much softer than the harsher tones here. The way many neighbours at my place are talking to their maids is denigrating and respectless. The maid is a human being after all.

 

You must develop a sense of responsibility regarding items she broke and she won't feel fearful in telling.

 

Take your maid to some social event and show here that you're a nice person but still keeping the Master image.

 

Ask her if some problems at her home because you noted her unhappy face.

Filipinos are quite chatty.

 

And on times you can laud her for doing something good or a good tasty meal. It's like at the office, your boss says something nice and you're happy.

 

I ' m sure as long as you give her the feeling that you respect her as a person, she will do her best to complete her duties.

 

 

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, Guest help said:

We are just a small family consist of my mum, dad and myself (no siblings) + a pinoy maid.

 

She has been with us for 2 years.

 

Her main job

 

-      to take care of my disabled mum eg. toileting, bathing, feeding, medication and washing her clothes etc.

 

-      clean toilets once a week, windows (twice a year)

 

-      iron my clothes every week

 

-      cook my dinner (including mum and hers) 4 times a week. I do not require her to wash my clothes as I wash it myself. Dad also doesn’t require her to wash his clothes as he washes his own clothes

 

Since she started work, she has broken a pot glass cover (even though she wanted to pay for it from her salary), damaged my mum’s air mattress cover which is of vinyl material and I’ve no idea how she damaged it as she claimed it `torn’ due to the daily transfer of my mum in & out of bed as well as knocked off a floor tile in the corner of living room but after many months still kept quiet and never tell me!

 

Every time, she damaged an item I’d forgave her.

 

However, sometimes, for unknown reason she show faces even though we did not nag or reprimand her.

 

The time when she joined in 2017, I felt grateful that she has helped us in our difficult times during those days when my mum was in and out of hospital and hence I just tolerate with her black faces (though not all the time). However, I find that she is able to juggle her work and able to give medication in time to my mum. House chores also clean and tidy.

 

She is working to support her eldest daughter in University. From Day 1 when she joined, my parents asked me to continue engage her services until her daughter graduate from University – at least we are doing a good deed in helping someone to succeed in life which the eldery believe will bring good karma.

 

Sometimes when for no apparent reason the maid  show faces, I’m thinking of terminating her without giving any prior notice as I’m afraid she’d harm my disabled mum. BUT I hesitated as thinking back, she has helped us during our difficult times and by terminating her seems VERY cruel. Also, hiring a new maid will need re-train and if unlucky, new maid will be WORST then current maid.

 

 

 

 

 

The reason why am I here is that I’d like to find out how many of your maids show faces and how you handle the situation esp maid argue with your eldery folks.

 

Please advise. Thanks.

 

 

 

1st of all  why must your hire a maid? 2nd why must you hire a foreign maid? There are many singaporeans in need for a job, did you try hiring a true blue singaporean? You are contributing to the influx of foreigners! High nett worth and elites like yourself must come down to earth and provide singaporeans with employment than to give a good job to a foreigner!

[Guest Guest]

You need to show her who is the boss and scold her back each time she shows you her black face .... 

 

 

1 hour ago, Guest help said:

I find that she is able to juggle her work and able to give medication in time to my mum. House chores also clean and tidy.

Even with all the black faces, the above is an important criterion to consider ....

 

1 hour ago, Guest help said:

esp maid argue with your eldery folks.

...but this statement above might turn out to be the biggest show-stopper. 

 

I will scold the maid back if she dare go make my family unhappy. If there's ANYBODY who is entitled to scold or argue with anyone else in MY house, that'd be ME, and definitely NOT THE MAID! If she wants to make any of them unhappy, I'd do the same back to her. You must really put them in their rightful place before they start climbing all over your head. If she's tired from handling the housework that you paid her to do, then she should stop working and stop getting paid. I did not hire anybody into my house and pay them to make anyone in my family unhappy, not even that to my dog, cat, or even fish!

 

And particularly scary of Filipinos maids, they are completely unlike any other nationalities of maid that anyone can ever seen. They wear so many faces that "two-faced" cannot even be used to describe them at all. They hide the most vicious thoughts underneath their skin. And if yours is already showing her black face and arguing with the elderly folks, it's hard to figure out what is running deeper in her soul.

 

1 hour ago, Guest help said:

She is working to support her eldest daughter in University. From Day 1 when she joined, my parents asked me to continue engage her services until her daughter graduate from University – at least we are doing a good deed in helping someone to succeed in life which the eldery believe will bring good karma

 

You can earn better karma by taking your elderly parents' well-being into consideration rather than hers. Every single maid works for one financial reason or another. Nobody works as a maid for fun. So even if you are not going to support THIS maid's eldest daughter through university, you will still be supporting the NEXT maid's family in some other ways. Your family's well-being should be more important than that of any others. 

 

The question is whether you are willing to put in more time to train the next maid in exchange for your family's well-being, and whether this current one is doing a good enough job for you to give her more chances to perform. 

[Guest Guest]

56 minutes ago, Guest John said:

After reading this, can the subject be changed to “Advise on TS issues’?

 

Questions for you:

1. Did you make her aware about her role as maid and a care giver? Those are two jobs you know and you are paying her only one.

 

2. Your parents do not have complain and you are the only one seeing faults. So ask yourself again why it is like that.

 

3. Things wear off overtime. It follows the law of nature. It falls, it breaks, it tears. Don’t blame it on her unless you have proof that she is doing it on purpose.

 

4. She is giving you the faces. Only to you so that means you are the cause of her irritation. Why don’t you have a heart to heart talk with her so you can resolve the issues amicably.

 

5. You can always fire her but you already know the implication. So again, have a talk with her. It might end up very well for everyone.

 

6. Put yourself on her shoes. You might find the reason also. Treat her well as human and not as a machine who just follow commands.

 

55 minutes ago, Guest humanity said:

You better enquire with the maid if your mum insults her or verbally abuses  her. Her ugly face might be a result of any sort of bad treatment.

Your mum might have fought against the maid handling her and the mattress cover tore.

 

Don't be too commandful. Show some humanity. Please consider that the speaking tone in the Philippines is much softer than the harsher tones here. The way many neighbours at my place are talking to their maids is denigrating and respectless. The maid is a human being after all.

 

You must develop a sense of responsibility regarding items she broke and she won't feel fearful in telling.

 

Take your maid to some social event and show here that you're a nice person but still keeping the Master image.

 

Ask her if some problems at her home because you noted her unhappy face.

Filipinos are quite chatty.

 

And on times you can laud her for doing something good or a good tasty meal. It's like at the office, your boss says something nice and you're happy.

 

I ' m sure as long as you give her the feeling that you respect her as a person, she will do her best to complete her duties.

 

 

 

38 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

1st of all  why must your hire a maid? 2nd why must you hire a foreign maid? There are many singaporeans in need for a job, did you try hiring a true blue singaporean? You are contributing to the influx of foreigners! High nett worth and elites like yourself must come down to earth and provide singaporeans with employment than to give a good job to a foreigner!

 

LOL... Pinoys fighting for their own kind here on a Sunday morning, to the extent of blaming TS and even TS's mother now? ROFLMAO! Well done... To TS, just fire the maid and see what these guys say ...

[Jjck]

4 hours ago, Guest help said:

We are just a small family consist of my mum, dad and myself (no siblings) + a pinoy maid.

 

She has been with us for 2 years.

 

Her main job

 

-      to take care of my disabled mum eg. toileting, bathing, feeding, medication and washing her clothes etc.

 

-      clean toilets once a week, windows (twice a year)

 

-      iron my clothes every week

 

-      cook my dinner (including mum and hers) 4 times a week. I do not require her to wash my clothes as I wash it myself. Dad also doesn’t require her to wash his clothes as he washes his own clothes

 

Since she started work, she has broken a pot glass cover (even though she wanted to pay for it from her salary), damaged my mum’s air mattress cover which is of vinyl material and I’ve no idea how she damaged it as she claimed it `torn’ due to the daily transfer of my mum in & out of bed as well as knocked off a floor tile in the corner of living room but after many months still kept quiet and never tell me!

 

Every time, she damaged an item I’d forgave her.

 

However, sometimes, for unknown reason she show faces even though we did not nag or reprimand her.

 

The time when she joined in 2017, I felt grateful that she has helped us in our difficult times during those days when my mum was in and out of hospital and hence I just tolerate with her black faces (though not all the time). However, I find that she is able to juggle her work and able to give medication in time to my mum. House chores also clean and tidy.

 

She is working to support her eldest daughter in University. From Day 1 when she joined, my parents asked me to continue engage her services until her daughter graduate from University – at least we are doing a good deed in helping someone to succeed in life which the eldery believe will bring good karma.

 

Sometimes when for no apparent reason the maid  show faces, I’m thinking of terminating her without giving any prior notice as I’m afraid she’d harm my disabled mum. BUT I hesitated as thinking back, she has helped us during our difficult times and by terminating her seems VERY cruel. Also, hiring a new maid will need re-train and if unlucky, new maid will be WORST then current maid.

 

 

 

 

 

The reason why am I here is that I’d like to find out how many of your maids show faces and how you handle the situation esp maid argue with your eldery folks.

 

Please advise. Thanks.

 

 

 

I guess it's good if you can talk to her. My helper has been with me for  more than 6 years.

[koolkai]

4 hours ago, Guest help said:

The reason why am I here is that I’d like to find out how many of your maids show faces and how you handle the situation esp maid argue with your eldery folks.

Please advise. Thanks.

 

When you engage a domestic helper, you have to be prepared to give and take. If she makes a mistake, just inform her and hopefully she will not commit the same mistake again. Most domestic helpers are not completely committed to their work as they don't expect to work with the same household forever. I have a domestic helper and even if I were to remind her not to do certain things, she will say "yes" and then, she will do it again. It can be quite frustrating actually but there is nothing much we can do as we need their help as we are busy working paying for the tumultuous bills.

[Guest Just Do it!]

Most of foreign maids were deluded by their agents thinking it was an easy job serving their employers.   After they came here, they realised they need to multi-task, at a worse to look after the disabled which they were not trained to do.  As such, we often hear horrid stories of them turning from care-giver to become a bully and  murderer to the vulnerably under their care.  Luckily, the TS still have a dad to keep a look out on abnormal behaviour.  If TS has only a single disabled mom while he is working,  a household camera is best installed for safey purposes.

 

Foreigns maids, came from places with lacking of priviledges. Thus heart-heartedness is the only "tool" to ensure their survival in country which do not protect them and their well-beings.  They decided to leave their beloved family, often with reluctance, to come into your household to do your bearings.  Your lifestyle, your priviledge in life ,of what you eat and how you dress became an eye-sore to these group of less well-off people and to serve as a reminder of how they were being treated badly at home.  Jealousy, envy and unfairness often play and replay every single day in their mind until, one day, it breaks out.  Thus you see them showing attitude, especially once their agenda is acheived of being tolerated long enough.  The above applies to foreign bride too.  

 

My point is,  never swtich role with them and you became a maid of their attitude.  Stay fast and firm because the safety of your family is at stake if you spotted discomfort regularly.  Don't forget, you have your mom to look after today and you still have a dad facing similar mobility issue in future.  Being a single child is not easy as there is no other siblings to share the responsibility.   

 

Never put eggs in one basket.  Explore opportunity such as day time nursing cares, part-time nurse, part time maids, outsource care-givers...etc.   No harm changing maids until you get the right one.  Afterall, you pay for their services and they don't work for charity either.  Attitude, is the last thing people one from the care-givers. - paid or free.     

[fab]

As long as they perform their duties, please Don't expect sia cabin crew service standard.

 

A word of cautious, beware of kleptomaniac though, speaking from personal experience. 

[Guest Guest]

48 minutes ago, fab said:

As long as they perform their duties, please Don't expect sia cabin crew service standard.

 

A word of cautious, beware of kleptomaniac though, speaking from personal experience. 

 

If it is only SIA cabin crew who do not argue with the elderly, then all the rest of the airlines will be sued until they all go bankrupt already. Not arguing with elderly is basic expectations, and nothing beyond the usual call of duty. 

 

5 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

1st of all  why must your hire a maid? 2nd why must you hire a foreign maid? There are many singaporeans in need for a job, did you try hiring a true blue singaporean? You are contributing to the influx of foreigners! High nett worth and elites like yourself must come down to earth and provide singaporeans with employment than to give a good job to a foreigner!

 

Like that then we can hire and fire the foreign trash, and then send them home crying and sobbing and getting banned from coming into Singapore forever mah! That's how high nett worth and elites like ourselves come down to earth and toy with trash for fun. It's like sending pesty cockroaches through a small choke point and then getting rid of them one by one when they file in. You asked the questions first. I hope you got your answers now? 

[Guest stupidity]

just wonder which (even unemployed) Singaporean will work as a maid? The one guy asking why the threadstarter didn't hire a Singaporean is hilarious!!! I've seen plenty of stupid posts, but it seems there is no limit to stupidity...

[Guest Guest]

These maids must be greatfull that you had given them a job! If not for you, they will be stuck in proverty! I say, fire them and send them home if they dare to argue. But to not in any way fall into trap and abuse them as they may demand compensation! She is just ungratefull by arguing with old folks. 

[Guest Mark]

On 7/21/2019 at 11:10 AM, Guest John said:

After reading this, can the subject be changed to “Advise on TS issues’?

 

Questions for you:

1. Did you make her aware about her role as maid and a care giver? Those are two jobs you know and you are paying her only one.

 

2. Your parents do not have complain and you are the only one seeing faults. So ask yourself again why it is like that.

 

3. Things wear off overtime. It follows the law of nature. It falls, it breaks, it tears. Don’t blame it on her unless you have proof that she is doing it on purpose.

 

4. She is giving you the faces. Only to you so that means you are the cause of her irritation. Why don’t you have a heart to heart talk with her so you can resolve the issues amicably.

 

5. You can always fire her but you already know the implication. So again, have a talk with her. It might end up very well for everyone.

 

6. Put yourself on her shoes. You might find the reason also. Treat her well as human and not as a machine who just follow commands.

This has a point. I also think the problem here is TS

[MadMan]

After reading all the comments here, I feel rather sad that most of them are rather unsympathetic to the fact that maids are still human beings with dignity and feeling. They are not robots and as such pls understand that they also have bad days that affect them emotionally. We all need a heavy dose of empathy to deal with them. Treat your maids as one of your family, show genuine concerns for them and they will do the same.

 

I have two maids, one to do the house work and another one to take care of my mother. When they broke things, they only need to tell me, I do not make them pay for it. I also told them all the food in the fridge and home they are entitled to eat them, whether it’s cherries, chocolates, ice cream , except alcohol of course. 
 

Remember these maids also have a family, they are also somebody’s daughter, mother, sister and wife. They are not slaves, but employee that have rights. Just be thankful that we are not in their positions, having to leave their family and loved ones at home to work in another foreign country.