How to prepare yourself for a good end of life

[HendryTan]

 

https://www.sfchronicle.com/opinion/openforum/article/How-to-prepare-yourself-for-the-good-end-of-life-13622599.php

 

How to prepare yourself for a good end of life

By Katy ButlerFeb. 17, 2019 Updated: July 8, 2019 12:37 p.m.

 

 

My parents lived good lives and expected to die good deaths. They exercised daily, ate plenty of fruits and vegetables, and kept, in their well-organized files, boilerplate advance health directives. But when he was 79, my beloved and seemingly vigorous father came up from his basement study, put on the kettle for tea, and had a devastating stroke. For the next 6½ years, my mother and I watched, heartbroken and largely helpless, as he descended into dementia, near-blindness and misery. To make matters worse, a pacemaker, thoughtlessly inserted two years after his stroke, unnecessarily prolonged his worst years on Earth.

That was a decade ago. Last month I turned 70. The peculiar problems of modern death — often overly medicalized and unnecessarily prolonged — are no longer abstractions to me. Even though I swim daily and take no medications, somewhere beyond the horizon, my death has saddled his horse and is heading my way. I want a better death than many of those I’ve recently seen.

 

In this I’m not alone. According to a 2017 Kaiser Foundation study, 7 in 10 Americans hope to die at home. But half die in nursing homes and hospitals, and more than a tenth are cruelly shuttled from one to the other in their final three days. Pain is a major barrier to a peaceful death, and nearly half of dying Americans suffer from uncontrolled pain. Nobody I know hopes to die in the soulless confines of an Intensive Care Unit. But more than a quarter of Medicare members cycle through one in their final month, and a fifth of Americans die in an ICU.

This state of affairs has many causes, among them fear, a culture-wide denial of death, ignorance of medicine’s limits, and a language barrier between medical staff and ordinary people. “They often feel abandoned at their greatest hour of need,” an HMO nurse told me about her many terminally ill patients. “But the oncologists tell us that their patients fire them if they are truthful.”

 

I don’t want this to be my story.

In the past three years, I’ve interviewed hundreds of people who have witnessed good deaths and hard ones, and I consulted top experts in end-of-life medicine. This is what I learned about how to get the best from our imperfect health care system and how to prepare for a good end of life.

 

Have a vision. Imagine what it would take you to die in peace and work back from there. Whom do you need to thank or forgive? Do you want to have someone reading to you from poetry or the Bible, or massaging your hands with oil, or simply holding them in silence? Talk about this with people you love.

Once you’ve got the basics clear, expand your horizons. A former forester, suffering from multiple sclerosis, was gurneyed into the woods in Washington state by volunteer firefighters for a last glimpse of his beloved trees. Something like this is possible if you face death while still enjoying life. Appoint someone with people skills and a backbone to speak for you if you can no longer speak for yourself.

 

Stay in charge. If your doctor isn’t curious about what matters to you or won’t tell you what’s going on in plain English, fire that doctor. That’s what Amy Berman did when a prominent oncologist told her to undergo chemotherapy, a mastectomy, radiation and then more chemo to treat her stage-four inflammatory breast cancer.

She settled on another oncologist who asked her, “What do you want to accomplish?” Berman said that she was aiming for a “Niagara Falls trajectory:” To live as well as possible for as long as possible, followed by a rapid final decline.

 

Berman, now 59, went on an estrogen suppressing pill. Eight years, later, she’s still working, she’s climbed the Great Wall of China, and has never been hospitalized. “Most doctors,” she says, “focus only on length of life. That’s not my only metric.”

Know the trajectory of your illness. If you face a frightening diagnosis, ask your doctor to draw a sketch tracking how you might feel and function during your illness and its treatments. A visual will yield far more helpful information than asking exactly how much time you have left.

 

When you become fragile, consider shifting your emphasis from cure to comfort and find an alternative to the emergency room.

And don’t be afraid to explore hospice sooner rather than later. It won’t make you die sooner, it’s covered by insurance, and you are more likely to die well, with your family supported and your pain under control.

Find your tribe and arrange caregivers. Dying at home is labor-intensive. Hospices provide home visits from nurses and other professionals, but your friends, relatives and hired aides will be the ones who empty bedpans and provide hands-on care. You don’t have to be rich, or a saint, to handle this well. You do need one fiercely committed person to act as a central tent pole and as many part-timers as you can marshal. People who die comfortable, well-supported deaths at home tend to have one of three things going for them: money, a rich social network of neighbors or friends, or a good government program (like PACE, the federal Program of All Inclusive Care for the Elderly).

 

Don’t wait until you’re at death’s door to explore your passions, deepen your relationships and find your posse. Do favors for your neighbors and mentor younger people. It doesn’t matter if you find your allies among fellow quilters, bridge-players, tai chi practitioners, or in the Christian Motorcyclists Association. You just need to share an activity face-to-face.

Take command of the space. No matter where death occurs, you can bring calm and meaning to the room. Don’t be afraid to rearrange the physical environment. Weddings have been held in ICUs so that a dying mother could witness the ceremony. In a hospital or nursing home, ask for a private room, get televisions and telemetry turned off, and stop the taking of vital signs.

 

Clean house: Hospice nurses often list five emotional tasks for the end of life: thank you, I love you, please forgive me, I forgive you, and goodbye. Do not underestimate the power of your emotional legacy, expressed in even a small, last-minute exchange. Kathy Duby of Mill Valley was raised on the East Coast by a violent alcoholic mother. She had no memory of ever hearing, “I love you.”

When Duby was in her 40s, her mother lay dying of breast cancer in a hospital in Boston. Over the phone, she told Duby, “Don’t come, I don’t want to see you.” Duby got on a plane anyway.

 

She walked into the hospital room to see a tiny figure curled up in bed — shrunken, yellow, bald, bronzed by jaundice, as Duby later wrote in a poem. Duby’s mother said aloud, “I love you and I’m sorry.”

Duby replied, “I love you and I’m sorry.”

 

“Those few moments,” Duby said, “Cleared up a lifetime of misunderstanding each other.”

Think of death as a rite of passage. In the days before effective medicine, our ancestors were guided by books and customs that framed dying as a spiritual ordeal rather than a medical event. Without abandoning the best of what modern medicine has to offer, return to that spirit.

Over the years, I’ve learned one thing: Those who contemplate their aging, vulnerability and mortality often live better lives and experience better deaths than those who don’t. They enroll in hospice earlier, and often feel and function better — and sometimes even live longer — than those who pursue maximum treatment.

We influence our lives, but we don’t control them, and the same goes for how they end. No matter how bravely you adapt to loss and how cannily you navigate our fragmented health system, dying will still represent the ultimate loss of control.

But you don’t have to be a passive victim. You retain moral agency. You can keep shaping your life all the way to its end — as long as you seize the power to imagine, to arrange support and to plan.

 

[Steve5380]

This is interesting reading for someone in the 70s like me.   And I have some experience.  My boyfriend decayed over several years,  in and out of the hospital, but he lived at home and I was his caretaker.  He received the best medical care and he died in the ICU from complications 10 days after a successful operation, but this was inevitable.  He was only 55 y.o. and there was always hope for his recovery up to the last days.  His ICU was not "soulless",  it was filled with caring nurses, good doctors and of course,  loving friend and family.

 

My logic is that a good death follows a good, healthy life.  We should dedicate much time to research the good habits that can preserve our health.  This is a good activity after retirement.  It helps to be optimistic and positive, finding time to strengthen body and mind, and don't use old age as a justification to give up on efforts to remain active.  Our health status is never stable, it goes up and down.  When we are young we count on the downs being followed by the ups.  But when we are old,  it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that a down is permanent, a prelude to inevitable decay and death.  We should avoid this, and realize that even an old body recovers.   Of course one has to accept the progressive decay with age and adjust one's expectations accordingly.  I don't have the same strength, mental agility as 10 years ago,  but the change is slow.   Meanwhile I am preparing for a change at any time.  My family lives in the south of the US but spread in different states,  and we are planing to come closer together around where my son lives,  he has a good medical practice and has the best knowledge to provide  care for us if we need it,  hopefully never .   We know that exhausting medical intervention is not the answer.  We will be ready to go as naturally as possible when the time comes.

 

[shyc]

To add on to this article and for those not inform. Currently, in sg, there is a thing call 'End of life' care. It is not just for those with terminal illnesses. You may check it out with your healthcare professionals or go to your nearby clinic to enquire. What it does is allow you to sit with your healthcare professionals to work out how you would like to be treated when crisis happen and when you are no longer capable of making sound decisions. It will be put into record and maybe retrievable during emergencies. That does not however discount you from better treatments during emergencies as on the spot health decisions will be counter check with what was already in documentations. Just for info for those who may require. Morbid discusssion on a beautiful Sunday morning but nevertheless critical for those in need. Cheers.

[Steve5380]

28 minutes ago, Since u r here said:

sometimes, it may not turn out that logic , Steve

Which is why over here, we often hear "What??!!! Asteraline is hospitatlised for ...." Isn't she health-conscious and isnt she into exercise and gym?? and follows a healthy diet or so...
the whole neighbourhood or office will start questioning her soon


just like when i told the rest i m a patient of a certain specialist department, everyone will start exclaiming and question me like a criminal, arent u ....?
but why do u visit that clinic?
 i m speechless too 
 

 

You are right that the general norm has exceptions.  A healthy lifestyle is no guarantee that serious illnesses won't occur.  Cancer for example can have genetic and random causes that don't correlate with perfect lifestyle.  Recently an US Olympic distance runner died of cancer, she was 32 y.o.  Many young athletes in top shape die of undetected heart problems.

But it is still worth to trust the norm and follow a healthy lifestyle.

 

 

[Tachyons]

Fork out some money and time for the following :

1 Insurance policies and nominees

2 CPF nomination

3 Draft a will

4 Lasting power of attorney

5 Advance care planning

6 Saving plans

Not in any particular order

[Guest 富贵山庄]

1) draft a will

2) record 10 videos and made instruction to lawyer to be played to your love / family members 1 video per year.

3) Engage a good fengsui master to select a good "lasting place" in malaysia or in anywhere.

4) prepare your own jewels / jade / gems / golds to be buried together with you. A good quality night glowing ball 夜明珠 to be put in your mouth after passed away is important.

5) Goto paper shop to select the handsome paper maids, body builder paper bodyguards, a luxurious paper BMW car, a big paper bungalow, ect for yourself. Make a instruction to lawyer to make sure all these burnt / sent to you in the other world.

[bigdanbeam]

53 minutes ago, Tachyons said:

Fork out some money and time for the following :

1 Insurance policies and nominees

2 CPF nomination

3 Draft a will

4 Lasting power of attorney

5 Advance care planning

6 Saving plans

Not in any particular order

 

No. 5 includes AMD?

[FattChoy]

When I wanna go, I want go with a leg triangle choke.  Probably the most painless choke out there and it takes less than 10 seconds while still standing on both feet

Edited August 18, 2019 by FattChoy

[Guest Smiley Pipi]

51 minutes ago, Guest 富贵山庄 said:

1) draft a will

2) record 10 videos and made instruction to lawyer to be played to your love / family members 1 video per year.

3) Engage a good fengsui master to select a good "lasting place" in malaysia or in anywhere.

4) prepare your own jewels / jade / gems / golds to be buried together with you. A good quality night glowing ball 夜明珠 to be put in your mouth after passed away is important.

5) Goto paper shop to select the handsome paper maids, body builder paper bodyguards, a luxurious paper BMW car, a big paper bungalow, ect for yourself. Make a instruction to lawyer to make sure all these burnt / sent to you in the other world.

If the lawyer won't do that, you won't know either.  The problems with having accumulated so many useless things (wealth included) in this life is how to get rid of them at the death bed. If you are empty of life,  going is easy with no hassle nor worry. Just close your eyes and smile.

[tinkermybutt]

A good life is to have someone you love dearly beside you when you end it. You have ample time to repent and asking forgiveness to the Almighty Lord for the beautiful life that was bethroth to you. Live to the fullest with love and you will be remembered.

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, tinkermybutt said:

A good life is to have someone you love dearly beside you when you end it. You have ample time to repent and asking forgiveness to the Almighty Lord for the beautiful life that was bethroth to you. Live to the fullest with love and you will be remembered.

 

We should not waste time repenting and asking forgiveness to any almighty lord.  Even with the most beautiful life the balance of received and given is in our favor,  that is, we have given more good to the life than received from it.  And for the most miserable evil people again the balance of evil received and evil given is in our favor,  that is, we have received more evil than given out. Whichever divinity has put us in charge of a human body and given us the responsibility to guide it,  it is an irresponsible inconsiderate force that gives a damn about us, like we are some disposable means to make life work for whichever obscure purpose there might be in it.

 

Our last thoughts should be of perfect love and gratitude,  not some stupid guilt trip.

[hottub]

On 8/18/2019 at 1:32 PM, bigdanbeam said:

 

No. 5 includes AMD?

Acp and amd is not the same. Personally, if u have acp, no need amd. 

[LeanMature]

2 hours ago, hottub said:

Acp and amd is not the same. Personally, if u have acp, no need amd. 

 

If not the same, then why no need amd?

[Guest InBangkok]

I find this talk of "a good death" rather ridiculous. The fact is that the vast majority of us do not want to die and we have no choice in how we die. But death happens. One of my dearest and loving friends died of a cerebral aneurism aged just 28. A young man full of life, always the life and soul of every party, friendly with everyone and good at his job, he'd had a faulty blood vessel in his brain since birth and no-one knew.. He assumed he'd have 30 and more years ahead of him. For a few seconds, he complained of a blinding headache and went to lie down. Ten minutes later he was dead.

 

 In the same month, my mother, as fit as a fiddle at 81 years old, had a stroke the day after her return from a short vacation. After a partial recovery she had to move out of her own home - her children could not afford 24 hour nursing care - into a very pleasant nursing home. She had lost all ability to speak and so communication was very difficult. She lived for three more years before dying of a heart attack.

 

The point of this is that I am as certain as any son can be that my mother would much have preferred to die when that stroke occurred. I am equally certain she did not enjoy her last three years at all, despite all the kind care and attention. I know she would have gladly traded places with my young friend so that he could have had a life. But our lives don't work out that way.

 

In my view, neither 'enjoyed a good death'. Each suffered in their own way, one for a few minutes and one for years. I believe the only thing we can do is recognise that we are going to die and that we have zero control over when that might occur. So we need to prepare for it at an early age. As far as possible, don't leave things unsaid and undone. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. Make sure you have a notarised will. Make arrangements for any special things you own to go to those you would like them to have.

 

And remember. It is those left behind who will mourn your passing and sometimes feel guilt that they never told you about their feelings for you. In my view, 'a good death' is when those people are thankful that you did everything when you were alive to make them feel loved as a friend, a lover, a partner. It is often what we don't say that leaves the lingering sadness and sense of loss.

[Steve5380]

12 hours ago, Guest InBangkok said:

I find this talk of "a good death" rather ridiculous.

---------

In my view, neither 'enjoyed a good death'. Each suffered in their own way, one for a few minutes and one for years. I believe the only thing we can do is recognise that we are going to die and that we have zero control over when that might occur. So we need to prepare for it at an early age. As far as possible, don't leave things unsaid and undone. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. Make sure you have a notarised will. Make arrangements for any special things you own to go to those you would like them to have.

 

And remember. It is those left behind who will mourn your passing and sometimes feel guilt that they never told you about their feelings for you. In my view, 'a good death' is when those people are thankful that you did everything when you were alive to make them feel loved as a friend, a lover, a partner. It is often what we don't say that leaves the lingering sadness and sense of loss.

 

This is precisely what the idea of "a good death" is:  to prepare in anticipation.

To die is a necessary experience with various degrees of pain.  But what is devastating is the effect it has on the survivors. The dead one is in peace, may not even have realized that he died.  But there may not be a stronger pain than the death of a person we love.  And nothing makes us more helpless facing the irreparable loss.

 

I think that the facts of mourning puts in doubt the theory of an "intelligent designer".

[hottub]

21 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

If not the same, then why no need amd?

AMD is a specific legal paper to state that if you are terminally ill and facing imminent death, you DO NOT want to be on life-sustaining treatment. ACP is not a legal document but it can also help inform medical team what treatment you want or do not want in the event you can no longer speak for yourself. Its more broad and can cover situation as in AMD. 

[LeanMature]

1 hour ago, hottub said:

AMD is a specific legal paper to state that if you are terminally ill and facing imminent death, you DO NOT want to be on life-sustaining treatment. ACP is not a legal document but it can also help inform medical team what treatment you want or do not want in the event you can no longer speak for yourself. Its more broad and can cover situation as in AMD. 

 

Thanks.  Still acceptable if it's not a legal document ?

[shyc]

Many of us felt it is easier to die than to survive a death. Few place themselves into the deceased position. Fear of uncertainty ahead. The impending death. The limited time left to spend with those they had lovingly and shortly live with before. The last thing on their minds would be the distribution of assets. The short space of time just before death is not something we can comprehend but it is not any less painful for them than for the survivals of deceased. The is no way to prepare for a better ending but we can make the most of it. Sometime just your presence will make a huge difference. 

[hottub]

7 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

Thanks.  Still acceptable if it's not a legal document ?

Yup. When doctor have to make a decision on what is best for you, they take into account what your wishes are. If theres a record eg. ACP, stating that you would not like to be on life sustaining tx to prolong life, they will most likely respect your decision and do accordingly. But you can also state in ACP that you want to prolong life in ICU even though you unconscious and unlikely to recover. The doctor have the last say but will act in your best interest

[LeanMature]

I can imagine that one will be struggling for every breath of air and couldn't let go of his worries and attachment in life; his loved ones, his assets, his pet etc.

[Guest Blank]

Seriously I will go commit suicide if there is nobody to live for anymore

 

Need to wait for my parents to pass away first so they won't have to feel sad only 

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, Guest Blank said:

Seriously I will go commit suicide if there is nobody to live for anymore

 

 

Seriously you don't want to live for YOURSELF?  Why must someone else be there to live for?

[Guest kelvin_654]

Right now I think facemask is a necessity.

[Firday]

On 3/8/2020 at 2:42 AM, Guest kelvin_654 said:

Right now I think facemask is a necessity. 

 .

Edited March 25, 2020 by Firday

[Guest Gay]

On 8/21/2019 at 10:56 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Seriously you don't want to live for YOURSELF?  Why must someone else be there to live for?

I think If I am straight, I will probably find a wife married and have children. And then work n live towards raising family. In an ideal situation. Even parents not ard anymore. I have a goal n life.

 

If I am gay. I will be very lonely living alone. 

[Steve5380]

36 minutes ago, Guest Gay said:

I think If I am straight, I will probably find a wife married and have children. And then work n live towards raising family. In an ideal situation. Even parents not ard anymore. I have a goal n life.

 

If I am gay. I will be very lonely living alone. 

 

Why you think that living alone is the predestination for gays?  Why should gays be different than straights?

 

Straights form a family when they marriage and then children come along, and there is continuity in life.

Gays can also form a family when they marry or become partners, and there are plenty of children who need a family.

 

We should not accept the stereotype of men either marrying a woman or remaining single and lonely their whole life!

[amuse.ed]

How about this: as of June 2016, some forms of voluntary euthanasia are legal in Australia, Canada,^[10] Colombia,^[10] Belgium,^[11] Luxembourg,^[12] the Netherlands,^[11] and Switzerland.^[11]

[Guest SundayMusings]

Seriously, what is there to fear about Death ?

 

Think abt it. Before we were born, we were never in "existence". We never around in as physically existent beings for Billions or even Trillions of years before the universe was created. Then suddenly, we came into existence because someone shot some sperm inside and for that tiny brief spectrum of 80 or 90 yrs, we get to experience living in a phsyical form.

 

So, to die, is to return to that state before we were born. Everyone goes thru this same process, nothing to be fearful about. Important thing though, is what you believe to be that "state" after death. For me, it is the belief in Him. I will transit to that state called Heaven.

[Steve5380]

19 minutes ago, Guest SundayMusings said:

Seriously, what is there to fear about Death ?

 

Think abt it. Before we were born, we were never in "existence". We never around in as physically existent beings for Billions or even Trillions of years before the universe was created. Then suddenly, we came into existence because someone shot some sperm inside and for that tiny brief spectrum of 80 or 90 yrs, we get to experience living in a phsyical form.

 

So, to die, is to return to that state before we were born. Everyone goes thru this same process, nothing to be fearful about. Important thing though, is what you believe to be that "state" after death. For me, it is the belief in Him. I will transit to that state called Heaven.

 

Good luck with Him and his Heaven!

 

Since I am an agnostic, I have no reasons to believe in Him and his Heaven,  and since I am convinced that nobody knows what happens after death because we are not able to know that, I don't worry about it at all.  Que será será...

 

But there is a big difference between coming from nothing and returning to nothing.  This difference is the attachments we make during our life.  If there is someone we love, be it a partner or family,  we are aware of the pain of grieving our death will cause them.  So even if we don't fear death,  we don't want it either, in consideration to our beloved. 

[Guest SundayMusings]

23 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Good luck with Him and his Heaven!

 

Since I am an agnostic, I have no reasons to believe in Him and his Heaven,  and since I am convinced that nobody knows what happens after death because we are not able to know that, I don't worry about it at all.  Que será será...

 

But there is a big difference between coming from nothing and returning to nothing.  This difference is the attachments we make during our life.  If there is someone we love, be it a partner or family,  we are aware of the pain of grieving our death will cause them.  So even if we don't fear death,  we don't want it either, in consideration to our beloved. 

 

Thats really warped. How can someone who is Dead be aware of your grieving?  Pls, you grieve becoz you miss that person and the moments you shared with him or her. To withhold a grieving process just becoz u dont want theSunday Dead to feel you are hurting, thats not only unhealthy but plain bs.

[bigdanbeam]

4 hours ago, amuse.ed said:

How about this: as of June 2016, some forms of voluntary euthanasia are legal in Australia, Canada,^[10] Colombia,^[10] Belgium,^[11] Luxembourg,^[12] the Netherlands,^[11] and Switzerland.^[11]

But they are not  allowed to perform it for someone from a country  which  euthanasia  is illegal?

[Guest Robot]

On 8/18/2019 at 10:13 AM, Steve5380 said:

T He received the best medical care and he died in the ICU from complications 10 days after a successful operation, but this was inevitable.  He was only 55 y.o. a

 

That sounds rather contraditory, which is why some elderly folks do not want to visit hosptial out of fear that they will never live to see another day.  There were times I felt very skeptical about Doctor's opinion, but we do not have the medical expertise nor knowledge to argue with the doctor.  My friend's dad died within 5 years after receiving heavy dose treatment suggested by the doctor, who didn't bother to tell him about the side-effect of the medication. Things started to deteriorate fast after completion of the medication regime which is supposed to heal the patient.  Complications set in, more hospital visits, more medication, different treatment administered resulted in trauma for the patient. Thus the discomfort, the pain and the fear of making another visit to see the doctor.  Luckily, my friend was swift, to cut away and decline certain appointments which he felt  too commercialised and unnecessary and then focus on treating only the more important issues at hand.  It save cost and also gave the patient much comfort that they only have one illness, not multiple of them.  Eventually, my friend's dad pass on peacefully at home instead of ICU.

 

 Sometimes, it is good to take alternative route, and an organic approach to self-heatling - like eating healthy, fasting, exercising, surround yourself with happy objects, keep cool,  don't get agitated easily with the world,  and stop letting pressurised work place become your overall lifestyle.   Your boss couldn't be bothered about your health, that is a fact one must register in order to live a healthy life.  Believe in your body, the power of DNA and capability of nature's own work without human interference through medicines.  I beleived, fasting prolong life and heal body.  Eating excessively kills.   I hope all fastfood in Singapore close down for good.

[Steve5380]

11 hours ago, Guest SundayMusings said:

 

Thats really warped. How can someone who is Dead be aware of your grieving?  Pls, you grieve becoz you miss that person and the moments you shared with him or her. To withhold a grieving process just becoz u dont want theSunday Dead to feel you are hurting, thats not only unhealthy but plain bs.

 

You didn't understand well my post.   I wrote it not as the one who is grieving, but as the one who is thinking about his death.  If I had no one I love, then I would not mind dying when my time comes without any concern for the afterlife.  But since I have people I love,  I don't want to die to avoid them the grievance this will bring them.

 

7 hours ago, Guest Robot said:

That sounds rather contraditory, which is why some elderly folks do not want to visit hosptial out of fear that they will never live to see another day.  There were times I felt very skeptical about Doctor's opinion, but we do not have the medical expertise nor knowledge to argue with the doctor.  My friend's dad died within 5 years after receiving heavy dose treatment suggested by the doctor, who didn't bother to tell him about the side-effect of the medication. Things started to deteriorate fast after completion of the medication regime which is supposed to heal the patient.  Complications set in, more hospital visits, more medication, different treatment administered resulted in trauma for the patient. Thus the discomfort, the pain and the fear of making another visit to see the doctor.  Luckily, my friend was swift, to cut away and decline certain appointments which he felt  too commercialised and unnecessary and then focus on treating only the more important issues at hand.  It save cost and also gave the patient much comfort that they only have one illness, not multiple of them.  Eventually, my friend's dad pass on peacefully at home instead of ICU.

 

 Sometimes, it is good to take alternative route, and an organic approach to self-heatling - like eating healthy, fasting, exercising, surround yourself with happy objects, keep cool,  don't get agitated easily with the world,  and stop letting pressurised work place become your overall lifestyle.   Your boss couldn't be bothered about your health, that is a fact one must register in order to live a healthy life.  Believe in your body, the power of DNA and capability of nature's own work without human interference through medicines.  I beleived, fasting prolong life and heal body.  Eating excessively kills.   I hope all fastfood in Singapore close down for good.

 

Yes, it sounds contradictory, and there is the saying "the operation was successful, the patient died". 

 

But sometimes an operation should be done because the probability of success is much higher than that of failure, and without it the patient will only get worse.

My son, who is a surgeon, tells me that "the important thing for a surgeon is to know when NOT to operate".  These cases aside, surgeons want to operate because they know that it can be helpful.  Although one has to take their opinion with caution too...

 

You are right that some doctors specialized in some illness are focused mainly in curing that particular illness, and don't evaluate sufficiently the risks of their treatment on other parts of the body.  This is why it is IMPORTANT to become an expert in the disease that affects one, the possible treatments and side effects, so that one can have at least some minimum control over the treatment and one does not put oneself 100% in the hands of the doctor.   Also...  doctors like to deal with people who are experts in their illness.

 

About alternative route, organic approach to self-healing,  this is the right thing to do throughout life to stay in good health.  It does not always work in remedial actions.  For example, there are infinite alternative treatments for all types of cancers, mostly in what to eat and not eat, healthy habits, etc.  (I am not even going into the "miracle cures" by some "Doctor XX")  But cancer can only be partially reduced by these well meaning actions, it has a life of its own.  So conventional medicine is necessary in the majority of cases.

 

You are right in believing in moderate, healthy nutrition and exercise.   But if you ever have symptoms of a serious illness.... go to a conventional doctor!

 

And one last thought about this:  you can hear about important personalities, rich people, who have some serious condition that need treatment:  Jimmy Carter, John McCain, Alex Trebeck, Ruth Ginsburg, Berine Sanders,  people who are supposed to be intelligent and have the best advisers in the world.  They went for conventional medicine, and most have improved (McCain survived for a long time with his brain cancer).  On the other hand, Steve Jobs from Apple Computer went for alternative treatment and he died early of pancreatic cancer.  

.

Edited March 8, 2020 by Steve5380

[Guest Puzzled]

On 3/8/2020 at 11:53 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

My son, who is a surgeon, tells me that "the important thing for a surgeon is to know when NOT to operate".  These cases aside, surgeons want to operate because they know that it can be helpful.  Although one has to take their opinion with caution 

In Singapore it is not uncommon to hear doctor over treating the patient to earn more. The nurse who helped the doctor also behaved like a sales person. The role of doctor has became quite blur and often patient were not sure about which treatment to go for. Hospital also received many complaints letter from people who were meticulous enough to look into the matter. The reply received often put the blame on patient for not reading the fine clause before  signing the treatment form. Not sure whether similar woes happen in America. Greed has became part of business development in our society regardless u are supposed to serve for good causes.

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest Puzzled said:

In Singapore it is not uncommon to hear doctor over treating the patient to earn more. The nurse who helped the doctor also behaved like a sales person. The role of doctor has became quite blur and often patient were not sure about which treatment to go for. Hospital also received many complaints letter from people who were meticulous enough to look into the matter. The reply received often put the blame on patient for not reading the fine clause before  signing the treatment form. Not sure whether similar woes happen in America. Greed has became part of business development in our society regardless u are supposed to serve for good causes.

 

I think that you are right in being skeptical of the motives of medical professionals.

The same is true for members of other professionals, like businessmen, sales persons, lawyers, politicians,.. even preachers.

 

This is why it is so important to become an INFORMED patient.  Informed about the illnesses, informed about the treatments and those who treat them.

 

Over-treatment for profit exists everywhere, but not so much where medicine is socialized.  In the US,  Medicare will not blindly pay what patients are billed, but they have guidelines for what treatments to pay and by how much.  

 

The medical professions are honorable for those who are ethical,  and these ones can build good reputations.  It is not easy to deal with sick people and cases where nature does not cooperate and medicine is helpless to save them.  It is not easy to deal with the families of these patients.  I am fortunate that my son has an excellent reputation and, something which is very telling,  he is the surgeon of choice for his colleagues, staff and their families.    

[Guest Occulust]

LOL if you think about Death all the time, it will overwhelms you. Start living and celebrating this thing called Life ! 

 

On today, you are the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be. So go out and enjoy your "youth" !

[Guest Occulust]

8 hours ago, Guest Puzzled said:

In Singapore it is not uncommon to hear doctor over treating the patient to earn more. The nurse who helped the doctor also behaved like a sales person. The role of doctor has became quite blur and often patient were not sure about which treatment to go for. Hospital also received many complaints letter from people who were meticulous enough to look into the matter. The reply received often put the blame on patient for not reading the fine clause before  signing the treatment form. Not sure whether similar woes happen in America. Greed has became part of business development in our society regardless u are supposed to serve for good causes.

 

Lodge a complaint with the Spore Medical Council. Its SMC to ensure doctors here practice with ethics. If u dun complain, the greed will prevail and permeate even more. So dun just complain online, complain with SMC.

[Guest You Tell Me]

11 hours ago, Guest Occulust said:

 

Lodge a complaint with the Spore Medical Council. Its SMC to ensure doctors here practice with ethics. If u dun complain, the greed will prevail and permeate even more. So dun just complain online, complain with SMC.

No use.  The once Healthy Minister Khaw Boon Wan said before, if you cannot afford medical cost, then go to nearby neighbour countries to seek treament and hopefully stay there  till your end of day.  If a Health Minister can talk like that to its citizens, where do you find the avenue to lodge complaint?

[Steve5380]

On 3/13/2020 at 10:07 PM, Guest Occulust said:

LOL if you think about Death all the time, it will overwhelms you. Start living and celebrating this thing called Life ! 

 

On today, you are the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be. So go out and enjoy your "youth" !

 

Yes, today we are the youngest we will be FROM NOW ON.   I like this idea

 

But to think about death is not a bad thing.  It does not need to be "all the time".   And, of course, we think more about it the closer we come to it  

[Zealouslogue]

On 3/15/2020 at 9:39 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Yes, today we are the youngest we will be FROM NOW ON.   I like this idea

 

But to think about death is not a bad thing.  It does not need to be "all the time".   And, of course, we think more about it the closer we come to it  

Indeed. Totally agree. 

[Guest Real Six]

On 3/8/2020 at 1:08 PM, bigdanbeam said:

But they are not  allowed to perform it for someone from a country  which  euthanasia  is illegal?

 

Is euthanasia an answer to lower the rate of suicide in sg?