Discussion on Loneliness - How do you even overcome being lonely? (compiled)

[Guest]

 

Do you think some people are meant to spend their entire life alone without experiencing any relationship?

[Guest]

Yes, there are some who are meant to spend it alone. Just be happy and accept it.

[iamziz]

Very often we need to create our own happiness. If we continue to cling on to the idea we need someone to complete us to be happy, we might add to the statistic of people getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons making them unhappy, faking their happiness, going into depression. Learn to love yourself more. You would be happier. Having someone is a bonus. Remind yourself the mistake many comfortably commit - getting into a relationship because they are alone not because they are ready. The relationships doom too soon. So, choose happiness. Your own happiness. Pamper yourself. Until you learn to love yourself, you are not ready to love anyone else.

[Cerveau]

Meant to no, cus then fate sounds like a cruel thing

Chooses to, yes, but that wouldn't be loneliness, that would be solitude

[hairy springroll]

Nothing  wrong or pathetic  being single

 

[ctr77]

There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

A person can live and do everything alone and yet be happy. In the reverse, a person can be surrounded by people, or even be in a relationship and yet still feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with being alone or single, so long as you are happy with yourself and where you are at. And you should be happy with yourself, because that is the only way to appreciate being in a relationship if/when it comes along.

[Guest Iknow]

Ususally lonely, lonesome, alone... is related to sexual needs/urge/desire.  Otherwise, nobody would complain being single.

[Arkham]

Depends on what the person is looking for and is he ready for it?  

A friend of mine once told to me to compare the difference between companionship vs relationship. Companionship is someone to company you, enjoying the closeness and familiarity. There isn't any commitment, you just want someone to be with so that you wont felt so lonely. Whereas for relationship, it involved accepting someone for who they are. You love that person, allowing him to grow and grow with him without taking any space. 

True love do not have a happy ending. You got put in the effort and make it work.

I am still in the process of learning, trying to figure it out, getting an answer. 

[ctr77]

2 hours ago, Guest Iknow said:

Ususally lonely, lonesome, alone... is related to sexual needs/urge/desire.  Otherwise, nobody would complain being single.

Lonely people tend to want bodily contact/hugs more than sexual activity. But of course when doing things like that with strangers, when does it ever stop at just hugs.

[Guest I have needs]

4 hours ago, Arkham said:

Depends on what the person is looking for and is he ready for it?  

A friend of mine once told to me to compare the difference between companionship vs relationship. Companionship is someone to company you, enjoying the closeness and familiarity. There isn't any commitment, you just want someone to be with so that you wont felt so lonely. Whereas for relationship, it involved accepting someone for who they are. You love that person, allowing him to grow and grow with him without taking any space. 

True love do not have a happy ending. You got put in the effort and make it work.

I am still in the process of learning, trying to figure it out, getting an answer. 

I used to have very very close friend. We go out every weekend and sometime few times a week. He is the best companion for me but I didn't want to just stop my life with a companion. I wanted more.  Eventually, I realised spending too much time with my companion deprived me the time to find a relationship outside my companionship.  I told my friend I needed less time with him and more time to find my relationship.  Our companisonhip time was cut short....eventually best friend became ordinary friend.  He looked elsewhere while I look for my relationship.  Relationship is very important for emotional, bodily well beings than just spending time together.  My companionship friend didn't offer me what I needed and just that.

[J0Boo]

To each his own, just don't regret the decision when it's already too late.

[Guest notguest]

being single for more than 25 years 

[Arkham]

46 minutes ago, Guest I have needs said:

I used to have very very close friend. We go out every weekend and sometime few times a week. He is the best companion for me but I didn't want to just stop my life with a companion. I wanted more.  Eventually, I realised spending too much time with my companion deprived me the time to find a relationship outside my companionship.  I told my friend I needed less time with him and more time to find my relationship.  Our companisonhip time was cut short....eventually best friend became ordinary friend.  He looked elsewhere while I look for my relationship.  Relationship is very important for emotional, bodily well beings than just spending time together.  My companionship friend didn't offer me what I needed and just that.

 

At first i always thought that rs = not freedom but I was wrong, that why i always tried to refrain myself from getting into a rs. 

As i aged, i started to look for rs but it always doesnt work out, because I dont understand what is a rs.

 

[teatree]

On ‎14‎/‎5‎/‎2016 at 2:27 PM, Guest said:

 

Do you think some people are meant to spend their entire life alone without experiencing any relationship?

 

Either they are too choosy or too perfect. 

[Lameua]

3 hours ago, ctr77 said:

Lonely people tend to want bodily contact/hugs more than sexual activity. But of course when doing things like that with strangers, when does it ever stop at just hugs.

Can relate to how u feel completely...

[raphkoksg]

Aww, I love hugs. Now I'll send u a virtual hug.  -Hugs-

[EugeneSin]

Single for 12 yrs yay ....

[Guest]

Thanks for your replies guys  (OP)

 

[Guest Ener]

It's a double edge knife... i been attached for 10+ yrs... I do admit, I  sometime wonder what have I missed out on being single... the parties and etc. Hahaha.. but oh well.. am enjoying everyday the way I want it.. 

[teatree]

When you are single, you crave for relationship.  But when you are in a relationship,  you missed being single.

When you are young and single, you desire for sex.  When you become old and lonely, you yearn for companionship.

Life is ever changing, time nor tide.

 

[ColdIceTea]

Have you guys ever come to a point where, you feel like there is nobody whom you can actually talk to? Like sharing everything about life, having a heart to heart talk and etc. I have a big circle of friends, but they tend to fade away. Example you have friends who you get long very well in school, after graduation, that relationship slowly fades away. It’s the same thing even at workplace.

 

I tried getting myself a partner, but it didn’t went well. Tried again and end up finding myself in a Friends with benefit relationship. I’m sure you guys would feel me right? How do you even overcome this? Tried to make friends on those app, but everyone is constantly asking me for fun instead. 

[Guest Guest J]

Yes. To me. I seek for professional counsellor. Usually do that in every few months. 

 

Then I realise that in God I feel such rested and peaceful. I converted to Catholicism 3 years ago. 

[Bobi]

I will share different life experiences with different ppl. Love life to this, sex to that, work to others. Etc.

[sum1outhere_03]

46 minutes ago, ColdIceTea said:

Have you guys ever come to a point where, you feel like there is nobody whom you can actually talk to? Like sharing everything about life, having a heart to heart talk and etc. I have a big circle of friends, but they tend to fade away. Example you have friends who you get long very well in school, after graduation, that relationship slowly fades away. It’s the same thing even at workplace.

 

I tried getting myself a partner, but it didn’t went well. Tried again and end up finding myself in a Friends with benefit relationship. I’m sure you guys would feel me right? How do you even overcome this? Tried to make friends on those app, but everyone is constantly asking me for fun instead. 

 

agree that it's really difficult to find someone whom you can trust and have a heart to heart talk. some have found religion to be the channel (which I think it's okay, as long as it's not occult one )

 

Having a very close friend like this to me (personally) is a want more than a need.

It sounds like excuse but I bet most of us have come into this "state" is due to work, and you may think that it's a luxury to even to be able to meet up once a while, not say every (other) week.

 

Other than having to talk to "close friends", I find that taking to strangers (like cab drivers) can be therapeutic also. 

Otherwise, I would end up (window) shopping, and/or enjoying my life myself like hitting the next door country etc.

 

 

[Eujiboo]

I believe what you need isn't a relationship with someone but with yourself first. You're relying too much on "I will be happy once I'm in a relationship" but you're focusing too much of your energy and emotions into it.

 

You gotta find yourself, and find what makes you happy, and comfortable, and accept that it's okay to be alone. People change, friends come and go, even the closest of friends might just stop talking to you over time. It's okay. Move on, make new friends, find more people to talk to. Not everyone you meet will click with you, not everyone will stay and chat, but don't give up on yourself. You don't need a large circle of friends, you don't need a partner - at least not at this stage in your life.

 

Once you learn to love and appreciate yourself, then you can start thinking about loving someone else - because if you don't, and you fall for someone when you're not ready, you're gonna be too reliant on them, and we all know you're gonna get hurt really bad.

 

Start on BW then. Make more friends. Talk to random people. The apps are notorious for people looking for hook ups, everyone knows that. It's hard to find a solid friendship/relationship there (it's possible but it's really difficult). If you yourself say that the relationship you thought would happen ended up as friends with benefits then maybe you should also ask yourself why you let that happen, it's a two way deal.

[Cube3]

Relationships take time.  It can start with someone you meet and get along with regularly, then you invest more time and resources to continue and keep it going, like in a marriage...

- Is there someone you meet and get along with? If not, why?

- Is there some way to meet such a person regularly e.g. shared interests, activities?

- Have you invested time and resources to keep it going, till roots have been extended and the relationship/friendship begins to blossom?

[Labbitteo]

7 hours ago, Eujiboo said:

Start on BW then. Make more friends. Talk to random people. The apps are notorious for people looking for hook ups, everyone knows that. It's hard to find a solid friendship/relationship there (it's possible but it's really difficult). If you yourself say that the relationship you thought would happen ended up as friends with benefits then maybe you should also ask yourself why you let that happen, it's a two way deal.

Yup. like Eujiboo said, make more opportunity by talking to more people, start on BW, the livechat is always bustling, there are regular chatters there that basically chats about everything under the sun, if there are some topic that interests you, fell free to join in and discuss!! sometimes might be random mundane stuffs, some more like seeking advice, slowly u can sift out a couple that you can click with and hangout more, i understand how u feel, as ive join this forum for a while now, only started to open up and be more active the recent 2 years, and yep! met a couple of peeps who i feel connected with in terms of hobbies, we hangout sometimes and play games online, go ktv and just go makan.. things like those.
Maybe you wanna start there? =) 

[Guest Rambling]

15 hours ago, ColdIceTea said:

Have you guys ever come to a point where, you feel like there is nobody whom you can actually talk to? Like sharing everything about life, having a heart to heart talk and etc. I have a big circle of friends, but they tend to fade away. Example you have friends who you get long very well in school, after graduation, that relationship slowly fades away. It’s the same thing even at workplace.

 

I tried getting myself a partner, but it didn’t went well. Tried again and end up finding myself in a Friends with benefit relationship. I’m sure you guys would feel me right? How do you even overcome this? Tried to make friends on those app, but everyone is constantly asking me for fun instead. 

I knew of many people like this have passes on, quietly.  No advice is good advice.  Frankly, the worse happened in the straight world too where the other partner has passes on and than  left their  single old man or old lady behind, to live the remaining of their life very much like a lonely gay person.  Unliess you are VIP or someone famous to be able to draw some crowds during the passing,  I believe majority of people (unless you have bountiful of children and grandchildrens to send you away), you are likely to leave quietly and no different from the animal kingdom,  how are you going to make do with it?  I have no answer either.

 

However, people have often overlooked the only power they have, that they can change the world for the betterment of mankind,  thru their votes while they are still alive.  Unfortunately, many people just do not wish to exercise the power in them and simply let it go into their passing which allow bad people to thrive over their dead body. Sad isn't it?

 

I have always used that power in the hope to be part of the game changer in this world,  just like Zuge Liang in the "war of the 3 kingdoms", which give purpose in life with a clear conscience.  Be in the book of change even if your name appeared too small and forgettable.   Do not live to make people suffer, or become a murderer, debt collector, cronies of a corrupt govt,  steal, or cause other to suffer sickness and became broke.  Because when the time came for the passing, the latter will leave with an unclean soul.

 

Try to write a book, when all things became dark and lonely.  The unseen will be reading them.

 

 

[Guest :-(]

No idea. I'm glad i have a bf to have enjoy raw intimate session and hope you can find your prince charming too! Good luck, don't set your standard too high if you're just a plain joe

[YELLOW BIRD]

How about attending workshop? Learning and sharing!

[Guest Chinese uncle]

1 hour ago, Guest :-( said:

No idea. I'm glad i have a bf to have enjoy raw intimate session and hope you can find your prince charming too! Good luck, don't set your standard too high if you're just a plain joe

Yes, sex is very important. Like it or not, our body need sex with another body. It's basic biology built into our brains, we need sex for the endorphins to keep us happy. 

 

Yes, I know my market value and expectations. I accept that I'll go Shogun occasionally. I'm not desperate as I can easily find tops there who will fuck me. It's nice that someone likes my body and l give myself up to him as he likes it. 

 

[ColdIceTea]

Thanks guys for the advice/suggestions. 

 

I had a chance to meet with a pretty nice counselor who happen to be in our circle as well, he mentioned the same thing as what most of you guys mentioned. To find out more about what interest me and etc. Then find people who shares the same interest by attending workshops with people of the same circle so that it’s easier to build a long lasting friendship/relationship. 

 

To be honest, I’m actually in my early-mid 20s, I think someone mistaken me as an old Uncle but it’s okay. Known to be a very humble Mr Nice guy, which I think is an disadvantage to me. But the bad side about me is being alittle extrovert, worst of all, I still don’t really know what interest me. Like what some of you mentioned, I have to find myself First before finding others.

 

2 hours ago, Guest :-( said:

don't set your standard too high if you're just a plain joe

I was told to be quite good looking, but to me I’m just an average person, I think they  exaggerated it. I did lower my standard and managed to date a doctor for few months, but it didn’t went well. I think the problem is with me, idk what’s my interest. That’s why I’m always finding the wrong people to mix with. 

[Eujiboo]

1 hour ago, ColdIceTea said:

Thanks guys for the advice/suggestions. 

 

I had a chance to meet with a pretty nice counselor who happen to be in our circle as well, he mentioned the same thing as what most of you guys mentioned. To find out more about what interest me and etc. Then find people who shares the same interest by attending workshops with people of the same circle so that it’s easier to build a long lasting friendship/relationship. 

 

To be honest, I’m actually in my early-mid 20s, I think someone mistaken me as an old Uncle but it’s okay. Known to be a very humble Mr Nice guy, which I think is an disadvantage to me. But the bad side about me is being alittle extrovert, worst of all, I still don’t really know what interest me. Like what some of you mentioned, I have to find myself First before finding others.

 

I was told to be quite good looking, but to me I’m just an average person, I think they  exaggerated it. I did lower my standard and managed to date a doctor for few months, but it didn’t went well. I think the problem is with me, idk what’s my interest. That’s why I’m always finding the wrong people to mix with. 

If someone's looking to make friends I really don't think looks are important. I know someone mentioned about being a "plain joe", but I think in the long run personality and attitude overrules looks.

 

I'm glad you figured something out! It's really not all that hard to find people to talk to, start off somewhere. There are a lot, A LOT of people in the community that only go for looks, or are only looking for sex - but also a lot of people that are only looking for friends.

So Mr early-mid 20s humble dude, if you're up to make some friends here on BW, would'ya be up to be a friend then? hahaha.

[Guest :-(]

3 hours ago, Guest Chinese uncle said:

Yes, sex is very important. Like it or not, our body need sex with another body. It's basic biology built into our brains, we need sex for the endorphins to keep us happy. 

 

Yes, I know my market value and expectations. I accept that I'll go Shogun occasionally. I'm not desperate as I can easily find tops there who will fuck me. It's nice that someone likes my body and l give myself up to him as he likes it. 

 

Why not find a bf? Visiting sauna is prone to high risk of hiv. My bf and I don't always have sex, maybe once every few months

 

2 hours ago, ColdIceTea said:

 

I was told to be quite good looking, but to me I’m just an average person, I think they  exaggerated it. I did lower my standard and managed to date a doctor for few months, but it didn’t went well. I think the problem is with me, idk what’s my interest. That’s why I’m always finding the wrong people to mix with. 

 

Mid 20s still have plenty of chance to look for bf wad. I'm quite good looking myself too, since my ex dates said I'm above average of 7-8/10. He was very into me, came to fetch me every time,  can feel his sincerity, honest with his opinions and even told me how big his manhood was but I don't know why he told me so. Anyway, not into him being too pushy to meet. Some things are like that, can't be forced tho he's a nice guy. I like Mr nice guys, not bad boys (they don't make good bf)

[LeanMature]

13 hours ago, ColdIceTea said:

I was told to be quite good looking, but to me I’m just an average person, I think they  exaggerated it. I did lower my standard and managed to date a doctor for few months, but it didn’t went well. I think the problem is with me, idk what’s my interest. That’s why I’m always finding the wrong people to mix with. 

 

Look is deceiving and impermanence.  And many people said something but means the opposite. 

[Guest Concern]

I have been lectured by someone from this circle, telling me off that I will not have any Friends. To be honest, I do not feel in need of it though, in particular of that mental state of mind. In accordance of Boredom, in reliability of someone whom you might thinks that they will not foresake you. Mostly, it turns out to be a lousy meeting that one might feel being used. Maybe I should put it like what ts say as, friends for benefits. App is definately much of sex pleasure! may I say can t be even trusted!

[Guest Toilet Cleaner]

14 hours ago, Guest Chinese uncle said:

Yes, sex is very important. Like it or not, our body need sex with another body. It's basic biology built into our brains, we need sex for the endorphins to keep us happy. 

 

You are right. No wonder so many lonely uncle hide inside Clementi MRT "comfort room" to kill time.

[SazNura]

why don't you join one those line groups in BW, just chat and just hang. talk about sexuality , non sexual stuff , meetup for non sexual fun like gym together or karoake together or bake together. you are lonely because you feel you are not making worthwhile memories.make some good memories, you will find yourself smiling and happy even when you are alone

[LeanMature]

19 hours ago, Guest Concern said:

I have been lectured by someone from this circle, telling me off that I will not have any Friends. To be honest, I do not feel in need of it though, in particular of that mental state of mind. In accordance of Boredom, in reliability of someone whom you might thinks that they will not foresake you. Mostly, it turns out to be a lousy meeting that one might feel being used. Maybe I should put it like what ts say as, friends for benefits. App is definately much of sex pleasure! may I say can t be even trusted!

 

When you meet people through App, of course the main motive is sex only. 

[Guest Concern]

I try to eat more to keep myself occupied. I know that I can only absorb and never bring it away with me. But at the least I don t make myself feel boring. Whats next! A burger!

[Guest Concern]

When boredom hits on me, more people can be disastrous. Moreover, if you are talking about hitting on with groups that I don t even knew. And to have a form up sounded like a choir, uglier sounding it could be thoes songka gathering. Sitting on the table eating pumpkin seeds and trying to find topic. So just imagine, just imagine!

[VanillaSalt]

I drink alot >.< and when I'm not drinking, I like watching Netflix or YouTube vids, surfing random sites and definitely listening to music. Also searching for games to fill my time hahas.

 

Being lonely sucks... I guess it's not easy to find friends or ltr when most people are interested in just fun =/. 

[Guest scare]

Now I'm very nervous thinking that my parents will be away sometimes in the future. Is a reality that I have to face one day. but every time I think about it I feel very sad. I'm crying every time I think about it.  I feel like there will be no meaning for me to live or look forward to. I feel so alone thinking about that.

[SazNura]

6 minutes ago, Guest scare said:

Now I'm very nervous thinking that my parents will be away sometimes in the future. Is a reality that I have to face one day. but every time I think about it I feel very sad. I'm crying every time I think about it.  I feel like there will be no meaning for me to live or look forward to. I feel so alone thinking about that.

bro if you are serious in these stage of mindset better seek help, you are bordering on depression . 

[firefight]

On 25/03/2018 at 10:06 PM, ColdIceTea said:

Have you guys ever come to a point where, you feel like there is nobody whom you can actually talk to? Like sharing everything about life, having a heart to heart talk and etc. I have a big circle of friends, but they tend to fade away. Example you have friends who you get long very well in school, after graduation, that relationship slowly fades away. It’s the same thing even at workplace.

 

I tried getting myself a partner, but it didn’t went well. Tried again and end up finding myself in a Friends with benefit relationship. I’m sure you guys would feel me right? How do you even overcome this? Tried to make friends on those app, but everyone is constantly asking me for fun instead. 

takes fate to find good friends and effort to maintain them, plus a common goal.

 

eg me n some ex colleagues keep in touch playing soccer every week.. me and some aj grp play every mth.. a grp of massage chatters kept in touch for years oredi sharin massage and travel info..

[Guest Concern]

Actually I am not really bored when there is someone nearby my place. When I first started out using internet and to the latest nearby app, may it be from any gender compromising forum back in thoes old days whom we don t even know who exactly we are interacting. I notice to being able to witness the technology advancement is rather of a mentally sastification, at the same time a daunting task to overcome the expected and unexpected through indifference preferences of it today. Its really wonderful to hear that someone around you, not knowledgeable in personality as whole or maybe, without having any pictures to identify even for a piece of that virtual glass screen. Pontential remarks, sincere comments, bare bluntly words that sounded as if it could be raw and heard apparently. These are small little things that spread across the darker corner of the night dimming a glimpse from the artificial moon. It makes me happy you know!

[NewbieOnboard]

As for myself, I watch sad movies and listen to sad songs and cry like nobody is watching. I let myself drown in sadness to the point that I do not know what sadness means or that sadness is a big part of me. Then, I pray.

 

After that I’ll feel better.

 

 

[Guest Sucks]

I think its better to come blowing wind to release the bored and loneliness! So Long you paid for the data plan, you can write freely on what you think. Legally!

[Guest Guest]

On 25/03/2018 at 10:06 PM, ColdIceTea said:

Have you guys ever come to a point where, you feel like there is nobody whom you can actually talk to? Like sharing everything about life, having a heart to heart talk and etc. I have a big circle of friends, but they tend to fade away. Example you have friends who you get long very well in school, after graduation, that relationship slowly fades away. It’s the same thing even at workplace.

 

I tried getting myself a partner, but it didn’t went well. Tried again and end up finding myself in a Friends with benefit relationship. I’m sure you guys would feel me right? How do you even overcome this? Tried to make friends on those app, but everyone is constantly asking me for fun instead. 

Join the RC or the CC..evenings even got taichi. Sometime night got karaoke and free food somemore. Also sometimes go places like gardens by the bay or zoo for $5(transport and food included).

[melville]

i live alone so sometimes i get that feeling too. especially after a long relationship. then i remember that i actually have a very interesting interior life to pursue. i read a lot, watch a film a day. i write and create, which is an important step because it gives you purpose. i volunteer at the animal shelters. i give myself challenges. since i live alone i also can come home any time i please and leave to go out any time i please as well, so i go for midnight movies or go to bars and see where the night leads.

 

at the end of it, it's the little choices you take control of in your life that give you a sense of direction and purpose. that way you aren't always worried about the what ifs and who to spend your time with, because you'll be too preoccupied about making the days count.