Need some advice . .

[Mavis5995]

Hi people from Bw, I might need some advice from some people here bcos i dont really have any gay friends that i could talk to. I might need some advice about how to come out from the closet and talk through it to my parents. 

 

Bcos my story is gonna pull other family members if im gonna came out to them. 

So do you guys think i should just pretend that i know that im gay since i was young or should i tell them the truth that there are something happened to me in the past that makes me to become a person who i am now.

 

Bcos to be honest i dont wanna drag or expose other family member and ruin my big family, and other reasons is i just want to keep it just between me & my parents. but on the contrary, i dont wanna be blame as well. 

 

Is not that im not happy being gay, I alrd accept who am i and Im happy now but its just the way to come out to them that makes me confused. .

[Pubic01]

Just don’t get girlfriends Loh.. Over time, they’ll get the hint. Just as straight folks don’t go around justifying their straightness (or see the need to), I see no need for gays to proof gayness. Just be grounded and comfortable with oneself. Some families are more open. While some families will treat such ‘disclosure’ like it’s a life&death issue with tonnes of drama and tears thrown in to create chaos. In life, we don’t need to report to everyone for their consensus. 

Edited September 17, 2020 by Pubic01

[wilfgene]

12 hours ago, Mavis5995 said:

Hi people from Bw, I might need some advice from some people here bcos i dont really have any gay friends that i could talk to. I might need some advice about how to come out from the closet and talk through it to my parents. 

 

Bcos my story is gonna pull other family members if im gonna came out to them. 

So do you guys think i should just pretend that i know that im gay since i was young or should i tell them the truth that there are something happened to me in the past that makes me to become a person who i am now.

 

Bcos to be honest i dont wanna drag or expose other family member and ruin my big family, and other reasons is i just want to keep it just between me & my parents. but on the contrary, i dont wanna be blame as well. 

 

Is not that im not happy being gay, I alrd accept who am i and Im happy now but its just the way to come out to them that makes me confused. .

若要人不知，除非己莫為

Start your own life and financial planning.

金錢不是萬能的，沒錢是萬萬不能。

 

[earth_tone]

-

Edited September 12, 2021 by earth_tone

[singalion]

On 9/17/2020 at 1:18 AM, Mavis5995 said:

Hi people from Bw, I might need some advice from some people here bcos i dont really have any gay friends that i could talk to. I might need some advice about how to come out from the closet and talk through it to my parents. 

 

Bcos my story is gonna pull other family members if im gonna came out to them. 

So do you guys think i should just pretend that i know that im gay since i was young or should i tell them the truth that there are something happened to me in the past that makes me to become a person who i am now.

 

Bcos to be honest i dont wanna drag or expose other family member and ruin my big family, and other reasons is i just want to keep it just between me & my parents. but on the contrary, i dont wanna be blame as well. 

 

Is not that im not happy being gay, I alrd accept who am i and Im happy now but its just the way to come out to them that makes me confused. .

 

You could explain in what sense other family member(s) would be pulled in, if you come out as gay.  And why it would ruin your big family.

 

Otherwise it is very difficult to come up with any recommendation.

 

My personal assumption is that you were sexually abused by one of your family members.

 

But I would not understand why you would include the other family member when you come out to your parents. Parents would not ask why you are gay or who made you gay.

 

You seem 24/25 years now.

You should ask yourself if the abuse was so serious and if you should "protect" the abuser or even go and make him liable for what he did to you. It won't delete the past from you but might prevent the aggressor to do same things to other people from your family.

 

 

[wilfgene]

2 hours ago, singalion said:

 

You could explain in what sense other family member(s) would be pulled in, if you come out as gay.  And why it would ruin your big family.

 

Otherwise it is very difficult to come up with any recommendation.

 

My personal assumption is that you were sexually abused by one of your family members.

 

But I would not understand why you would include the other family member when you come out to your parents. Parents would not ask why you are gay or who made you gay.

 

You seem 24/25 years now.

You should ask yourself if the abuse was so serious and if you should "protect" the abuser or even go and make him liable for what he did to you. It won't delete the past from you but might prevent the aggressor to do same things to other people from your family.

 

 

Might have already developed psyche or fetish for the assaulter's sort.

Kill two birds with one stone by coming out as also damage control/loss cutting.

 

[Mavis5995]

12 hours ago, singalion said:

 

You could explain in what sense other family member(s) would be pulled in, if you come out as gay.  And why it would ruin your big family.

 

Otherwise it is very difficult to come up with any recommendation.

 

My personal assumption is that you were sexually abused by one of your family members.

 

But I would not understand why you would include the other family member when you come out to your parents. Parents would not ask why you are gay or who made you gay.

 

You seem 24/25 years now.

You should ask yourself if the abuse was so serious and if you should "protect" the abuser or even go and make him liable for what he did to you. It won't delete the past from you but might prevent the aggressor to do same things to other people from your family.

 

 

Yeah actually that’s the thing that makes me afraid, if my parents like asking me why are u gay or who made me gay when i really come out to them. 

 

Yeah you may called it abuse i think, it was happen when i was a little, i can’t remember my age but i remember clearly those scene in my head. it was one of my cousin who ask me to suck his nipples. at that time i just follow what he asked me to do. 

 

But then it happens not just with one cousins, it happens as well to me with another cousins of mine. but the timeline is different, it was when im still in secondary school. this cousin is just 4 or 5 years apart from me, older. at that time when he was staying over, we slept together on a same bed as our room is quite small. then he will try to touch my penis and do stuffs. it goes repeatedly whenever he came, in the end we doing other stuff as well, but not until  having sex.

 

at that time i still dont know much about sex stuff or about girls or anything that relates to it. i just did what it felt good to me. 

 

Well those are the things that might makes me the way i am now. i tried to like girls i mean i like seeing pretty girls faces, but im not attracted to them sexually. maybe it’s because what i did in the past. 

[wilfgene]

9 hours ago, Mavis5995 said:

Yeah actually that’s the thing that makes me afraid, if my parents like asking me why are u gay or who made me gay when i really come out to them. 

 

Yeah you may called it abuse i think, it was happen when i was a little, i can’t remember my age but i remember clearly those scene in my head. it was one of my cousin who ask me to suck his nipples. at that time i just follow what he asked me to do. 

 

But then it happens not just with one cousins, it happens as well to me with another cousins of mine. but the timeline is different, it was when im still in secondary school. this cousin is just 4 or 5 years apart from me, older. at that time when he was staying over, we slept together on a same bed as our room is quite small. then he will try to touch my penis and do stuffs. it goes repeatedly whenever he came, in the end we doing other stuff as well, but not until  having sex.

 

at that time i still dont know much about sex stuff or about girls or anything that relates to it. i just did what it felt good to me. 

 

Well those are the things that might makes me the way i am now. i tried to like girls i mean i like seeing pretty girls faces, but im not attracted to them sexually. maybe it’s because what i did in the past. 

You may also blame your parent for not instilling in you the good old Traditional Asian Value of 餓死事小，失節事大.

Perhaps you would care to take up the responsibility of drawing your own conclusion from past life experiences.

[singalion]

On 9/24/2020 at 1:01 AM, Mavis5995 said:

Yeah actually that’s the thing that makes me afraid, if my parents like asking me why are u gay or who made me gay when i really come out to them. 

 

Yeah you may called it abuse i think, it was happen when i was a little, i can’t remember my age but i remember clearly those scene in my head. it was one of my cousin who ask me to suck his nipples. at that time i just follow what he asked me to do. 

 

But then it happens not just with one cousins, it happens as well to me with another cousins of mine. but the timeline is different, it was when im still in secondary school. this cousin is just 4 or 5 years apart from me, older. at that time when he was staying over, we slept together on a same bed as our room is quite small. then he will try to touch my penis and do stuffs. it goes repeatedly whenever he came, in the end we doing other stuff as well, but not until  having sex.

 

at that time i still dont know much about sex stuff or about girls or anything that relates to it. i just did what it felt good to me. 

 

Well those are the things that might makes me the way i am now. i tried to like girls i mean i like seeing pretty girls faces, but im not attracted to them sexually. maybe it’s because what i did in the past. 

 

Parents won't ask who made you gay. 

But parents might associate a current bf being the "problem" of the son to be gay. 

I had to make this experience with my first bf when he outed himself and I called him at home and his mother told me "to leave him alone as I had done already enough damage to her son!" They locked him up for 2 weeks and sent him to psychiatric assessment. 

But usually your own parents will just be shocked and won't ask more. You think too far. 

And if they ask, do you need to respond and tell? 

 

But in my honest opinion you should find out for yourself whether you are really gay or whether you have sexual attraction to girls. Don't relate from such abusive circumstances and live a life you are not made for. 

 

For sure your cousins have abused you and they might even have a pedophile tendency. 

 

And why do you think you did something wrong? Even if you tell your parents, you were a very young small kid, don't forget the one who attacked you was the abuser and not you. You did nothing wrong, you were pushed into something which was not appropriate. 

Stop thinking you did something wrong. 

 

If you don't intend to expose your cousins then just keep silent and don't come out. 

But please check if you are really gay. And learn what is important to you and gain more self esteem. ok. You never did anything wrong. 

[Mavis5995]

56 minutes ago, singalion said:

 

Parents won't ask who made you gay. 

But parents might associate a current bf being the "problem" of the son to be gay. 

I had to make this experience with my first bf when he outed himself and I called him at home and his mother told me "to leave him alone as I had done already enough damage to her son!" They locked him up for 2 weeks and sent him to psychiatric assessment. 

But usually your own parents will just be shocked and won't ask more. You think too far. 

And if they ask, do you need to respond and tell? 

 

But in my honest opinion you should find out for yourself whether you are really gay or whether you have sexual attraction to girls. Don't relate from such abusive circumstances and live a life you are not made for. 

 

For sure your cousins have abused you and they might even have a pedophile tendency. 

 

And why do you think you did something wrong? Even if you tell your parents, you were a very young small kid, don't forget the one who attacked you was the abuser and not you. You did nothing wrong, you were pushed into something which was not appropriate. 

Stop thinking you did something wrong. 

 

If you don't intend to expose your cousins then just keep silent and don't come out. 

But please check if you are really gay. And learn what is important to you and gain more self esteem. ok. You never did anything wrong. 

Thank you for your advice 🙏🏻, well actually the reason why i want to come out is because i alrd have a boyfriend and we’ve been tgtr for 2 & a half years now. Having him in my life is the greatest thing that have ever happened to me and i really dont wanna lose him.

 

but when its the time for me to come out, i wont bring him into the context first. I will just said that im gay and see how they respond first.

 

What i really want is to be with my bf & also having a good relationship with my family as well, but again let’s just see how the universe do its own thing.