Possible for a low profile gay to date/be friends with a high profile gay?

[Run]

A little background. I recently matched with a really good looking guy on Tinder. Of course, me being average looking, I thought that I hit the jackpot. I suppose we hit off quite well in terms of conversation. And 1 week later, we met up for a simple lunch. We could talk and all, and exchanged IG information.

 

I kinda already guessed from his looks and the way he talked about his circle of friends, but seeing his IG confirmed my initial concern that he might be one of those 'Instagays' that only has gay guys as part of their social circle and is very involved in the gay scene.

 

So what's my concern? Well, I'm just an average looking guy with negligible social media presence (what we might call 'low profile' in the community) while he's the opposite of me. Let's just say we carry on hanging out in the future (whether to become romantically involved or just friends is another matter). How is someone like me supposed to fit in with his way of life? I mean, from the looks of it, he has so many other gay friends who are much better looking than me and who are as equally or if not, even more high profile. Someone like me clearly doesn't belong (or hope to belong) in that kinda scene.

 

Of course, the politically correct reply would be to say that as long as both parties are into each other, anything is possible. But let's face it, in the gay world where looks and popularity and how 'high profile' you are seems to dictate our social circles, things aren't always black and white, are they?

 

So my dear BW readers, what are your opinions on a low profile gay guy being together with a high profile gay guy? Has any of you had such experiences in your dating life/friendships? What were the issues that popped up in your relationship due to the other party being very in the scene while you weren't?

 

If you yourself are considered high profile, I'd like to hear opinions from the other side of the coin too :)

[Genitif]

Not sure if I caught the feels, but seems like your potential concerns are:
a) You want to integrate into his social circle but is unable to be accepted by the 'good looking' friends; or

b) Insecure that he might prefer to hang out/stray to his 'better looking friends; or

c) You prefer to maintain your 'low profile' status

I think if a) and he really likes you, he will try to involve you in his circle of friends. If the friends are snobs, then no point hanging out with them too.
If b), it really can't be helped I guess. A relationship can only be built on mutual trust.
c) does not sound like an issue as he should respect your decision if that is the case. Hopefully he is not the sort to post daily couple pics on IG.

 

But either way, no harm to just continue hanging out and being friends. Circle of friends don't have to overlap imo

[Gayleo]

1) When gay guys are in the scene for too long, they will naturally know all the other in the scene gays. So while it may not be apparent to you, your date has probably already friend-zoned most of his friends. That is why he is just friends with them, not boyfriends. He may have dated/hooked up with some of them but it obviously didn't work out, that is why he matched you on Tinder.

 

2) If he is a typical SG gay, his 'lifestyle' is probably just tantric and taboo every weekend. Really not such a drastically different lifestyle unless you are those kind that every night 10pm go to sleep liao. So relax, its not like you are entering a different dimension. The only difference with his lifestyle is that his primary social circle is all gay, which really won't be very hard for you to adjust to.

 

3) There are so so so many examples of gay couples where one party is 'high profile' and the other party is not. It also doesn't mean the high profile one is more eligible than the low profile one. I know of some pairings where the lower profile gay is actually the hotter one.

 

TLDR the only thing that can affect your budding relationship now is your own insecurity. Don't place him on a pedestal just because he is high profile. The fact that he is interested in you means he is attracted to you. So don't be so hard on yourself.

[Looking123]

Maybe you could give it a bit more time and see how things go? Likely that you have qualities that attracted the other party. Could be that you are just modest in giving yourself an "average" score in the looks department.

[fab]

As long as there's mutual attractions,  there will be possibility. 

[Steve5380]

5 hours ago, Run said:

 

I kinda already guessed from his looks and the way he talked about his circle of friends, but seeing his IG confirmed my initial concern that he might be one of those 'Instagays' that only has gay guys as part of their social circle and is very involved in the gay scene.

 

So what's my concern? Well, I'm just an average looking guy with negligible social media presence (what we might call 'low profile' in the community) while he's the opposite of me. Let's just say we carry on hanging out in the future (whether to become romantically involved or just friends is another matter). How is someone like me supposed to fit in with his way of life? I mean, from the looks of it, he has so many other gay friends who are much better looking than me and who are as equally or if not, even more high profile. Someone like me clearly doesn't belong (or hope to belong) in that kinda scene.

 

 

The only problem I see is if you are in the closet, the partnering with your high-profile friend could eventually out you.

 

As for being accepted by the better-looking friends of your high-profile gay,  they would be insulting HIM if they reject you.  Also for these good-looking gays, an average-looking one is not a threat, but can bring out their good looks even more in comparison with the average looks.   It is probably YOU who would feel intimidated by all the good-looking ones,  and it is YOU who should work on that.

 

In any case, if you don't have a fear of being outed, what is there to lose by accepting your high-profile-gay?  Maybe something rubs off from him and his friend that could help you.

[wilfgene]

Determine what you seek in any relationship or liaison.  The rest is up to the other parties.  There used to be a thread, something like 'Dating Someone Out of Your League'.  Hanging out with only GAYS, what sort of life is that?

Edited September 23, 2020 by wilfgene

[caindukker]

So many good advices. Personally I'd just hangout with him. No harm doing that. And if things don't work out, I'd just be like 'whatever' and move on. Who knows, you might meet some really good friends, might be an experience you don't wanna miss. 

[Magicerife]

Valid concern only if he feels smth and has intention to move beyond just being friendly. 
 

for all you know. Maybe he was just being sociable. Being able to converse and giving you his IG doesn’t imply much if he’s indeed the social butterfly.
 

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 

[Guest Guest]

There's not enough info here. But it seems the higher profile person is just being naturally nice, which shouldn't be misinterpreted to be seeking any long term relationship. @Run is just another friend to his collection of people he knows, and that's how he know people. So why worry about fitting into another person's life at this moment of time so early into the acquaintance? That's how the usual high profile people behave. While others may view relationships as treasures, they collect friends bas a hobby. People need to align their perspectives on what relationships / friendships means to them before they wonder how they fit into one another's life.  

[leantonedboy]

The thing with this ‘high-profile gays’ is that they are either very friendly or snobbish. 

Looking at your situation, he should be the friendly kind. He is friendly enough to ask you out for lunch to see how you are as a person outside of the app  

TBH, like what some of the other members here have said, it is still too early to say. 
Just enjoy the company  
Think that all your concerns will only be something to think about after the friendship is long enough for parties to mutually agree that both want to take it further. Hahaha

Think for now just continue to hang out ba and make friends 👍🏻

[InBangkok]

I suggest the only problem you must think less about his lifestyle and address your own view of yourself. You say you are only "average looking" and are a "low profile gay guy". That is all in the mind. To others you may look amazing. We are all different and we all have different ideas of what "good looking" is. My bf always says he is getting too fat - but his weight and his looks never change! He is very high profile in terms of being on facebook, ig and other apps and uses them a lot. I am on none of them.

 

We all have insecurities. To aid you try an old trick. Stand in front of a mirror every morning after your shower and repeat a few times "I am handsome". Every morning. And just let things play out naturally.

[Guest Scene Gay]

You are obviously very new to the gay scene, probably someone who is discreet / closeted which is why you place this new 'high profile' friend on a pedestal when the reality is that this new friend of yours might not even be considered high profile in the gay community.

 

To some people on Blowing Wind, especially those discreet closet kind, any gay with more than 1,000 IG followers is considered 'high profile' but the reality is that gays with over 1k IG followers are literally everywhere and nothing to shout about.

 

So just curious how many IG followers this new friend of yours have?

[wilfgene]

1 hour ago, InBangkok said:

I suggest the only problem you must think less about his lifestyle and address your own view of yourself. You say you are only "average looking" and are a "low profile gay guy". That is all in the mind. To others you may look amazing. We are all different and we all have different ideas of what "good looking" is. My bf always says he is getting too fat - but his weight and his looks never change! He is very high profile in terms of being on facebook, ig and other apps and uses them a lot. I am on none of them.

 

We all have insecurities. To aid you try an old trick. Stand in front of a mirror every morning after your shower and repeat a few times "I am handsome". Every morning. And just let things play out naturally.

'You can't please everybody, you might as well please yourself.'

[Guest LOL]

3 hours ago, InBangkok said:

I suggest the only problem you must think less about his lifestyle and address your own view of yourself. You say you are only "average looking" and are a "low profile gay guy". That is all in the mind. To others you may look amazing. We are all different and we all have different ideas of what "good looking" is. My bf always says he is getting too fat - but his weight and his looks never change! He is very high profile in terms of being on facebook, ig and other apps and uses them a lot. I am on none of them.

 

We all have insecurities. To aid you try an old trick. Stand in front of a mirror every morning after your shower and repeat a few times "I am handsome". Every morning. And just let things play out naturally.

 

I LOL at "Stand in front of a mirror every morning after your shower and repeat a few times "I am handsome"."

 

Cmon la... Self-acceptance is not the same as self delusion.

 

[Guest Guest]

2 hours ago, wilfgene said:

'You can't please everybody, you might as well please yourself.'

 

36 minutes ago, Guest LOL said:

 

I LOL at "Stand in front of a mirror every morning after your shower and repeat a few times "I am handsome"."

 

Cmon la... Self-acceptance is not the same as self delusion.

 

 

you two should go tell @yoyo74 that....

But wait! He'd scold you and say you are a troll if you deny that he is he is "handsome". 

[Guest wakeup]

Most instagays sleep around. They have all the public attentions from other gorgeous gays too, why would one want to settle with a normal looking gay?

[fab]

2 minutes ago, Guest wakeup said:

Most instagays sleep around. They have all the public attentions from other gorgeous gays too, why would one want to settle with a normal looking gay?

 

Maybe that normal looking one has a big hard one?

[yuquidam]

6 minutes ago, fab said:

 

Maybe that normal looking one has a big hard one?

And maybe chances of staying faithful is better?

[yoyo74]

8 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

 

you two should go tell @yoyo74 that....

But wait! He'd scold you and say you are a troll if you deny that he is he is "handsome". 

Despicable troll Guest Guest again disturbing every post non stop. Do you even have any sense of shame?

[yoyo74]

@RunThere are several category of high profile people. Some high profile in sauna, some high profile in clubbing, some high profile in a particular interest while some high profile in multiple places. As long as you openly let people see your pic and made lots of friends you already considered high profile.

Making lots of gay friends is important if you are gay so that more people will understand you and when you need someone to talk to. You will be able to find them and not in a lost. Being with a high profile guy will help speed up this process a lot.

As for your friend i would say u just try out and get some experience in gay relationship be it lover or just gay friends. Get your experience than you will know what to do next time.

[tic-toc]

On 9/23/2020 at 11:58 AM, Run said:

I recently matched with a really good looking guy on Tinder....

I don’t know about your friend, but for me, I don’t even want to befriend ME. (Someone who looks like me, thinks like me, behaves like me etc) That would be so boring. 

 

By being you, you are interesting and special to him. Sometimes there is no need to be like everyone else. Very often, it’s enough just by being yourself.

Edited September 24, 2020 by tic-toc

[Gayboysg]

Sometimes u just don't belong there. Be yourself and make more genuine friends. Come on everyone is there for fucks. If you think u can accept that he is also having fun with others, then go to him. If not it will make u terribly sad and even more insecure. 

[Guest Scene Gay]

30 minutes ago, Gayboysg said:

Sometimes u just don't belong there. Be yourself and make more genuine friends. Come on everyone is there for fucks. If you think u can accept that he is also having fun with others, then go to him. If not it will make u terribly sad and even more insecure. 

 

What an ignorant salty thing to say.

 

There is no co-relation between being high profile and sleeping around.

In fact, it's usually those discreet closeted kind who sleep around the most.

 

For those high profile gays, they have a reputation to protect cos people recognise them so you will never see them visit saunas, orgies etc. 

[wilfgene]

32 minutes ago, Gayboysg said:

Sometimes u just don't belong there. Be yourself and make more genuine friends. Come on everyone is there for fucks. If you think u can accept that he is also having fun with others, then go to him. If not it will make u terribly sad and even more insecure. 

At least appreciate the chance to witness the lifestyle of OTHERS.

 

[Guest tommy]

Been there done that, @Runif you yearn emotional relationship, you need to spend more time with the person. Not everyone is so lucky like you. Treasure you chance. 

But being too high profile really isnt good for you if you are too young. Everything cant be hide, no matter how much you want it to be:) 

Deep inside, you are simply attracted to his looks. Am I right?

[Expired Btm Uncle]

I would really say give it a try. Getting hitched with a high profile gay is considered hitting the jackpot. Whatever the case you dont lose out anything. 

[Latte]

Dun confuse a guy's social needs from his needs for intimacy (ie partner). 

 

I know of pairings where one is a social butterfly and the other very much stay-at-home domestic type. I think it works just fine because the butterfly wants a flower waiting for him at home that is exclusively his and he doesn't want to share it with other butterflies

Edited September 26, 2020 by Latte

[Guest Sigh]

I dated one guy who is outed and led a rather attention capturing lifestyle. Partying and drinking, social media influencer, public display of affection, and they are the direct opposite of me. I go to bed at 9, still pretty much closeted, and it was uncomfortable for  me when he tried to touch and kiss me in the public, under clear view of all eyes.

 

Communication didn’t work out, and he wanted to share his love life on his social media, which I was against. So in the end, we parted way 

 

While we tried to compromise and accommodate, habits were just too hard to change. There was a lot of...why can’t you understand, why can’t you think about my feelings, why can’t you....

 

 

[jekhar]

Just a word of caution for Run, have you met the guy in person?

 

If not, then be careful, he might be catfishing or impersonating someone else. He can easily put someone else's Instagram link in his profile. 

[LeanMature]

41 minutes ago, Guest Sigh said:

I dated one guy who is outed and led a rather attention capturing lifestyle. Partying and drinking, social media influencer, public display of affection, and they are the direct opposite of me. I go to bed at 9, still pretty much closeted, and it was uncomfortable for  me when he tried to touch and kiss me in the public, under clear view of all eyes.

 

Communication didn’t work out, and he wanted to share his love life on his social media, which I was against. So in the end, we parted way 

 

While we tried to compromise and accommodate, habits were just too hard to change. There was a lot of...why can’t you understand, why can’t you think about my feelings, why can’t you....

 

 

 

Definitely won't work out in any LTR.  One is like a phoenix and the other a goose.   However, may work well if just seeking FWB.

[Guest ???]

May I know who are some high profile gays that we should know?

[Gayleo]

53 minutes ago, Guest ??? said:

May I know who are some high profile gays that we should know?

 

Pointless question because if you don't know them, means they not high profile enough lel

[Gayboysg]

On 9/25/2020 at 2:00 PM, Guest Scene Gay said:

 

What an ignorant salty thing to say.

 

There is no co-relation between being high profile and sleeping around.

In fact, it's usually those discreet closeted kind who sleep around the most.

 

For those high profile gays, they have a reputation to protect cos people recognise them so you will never see them visit saunas, orgies etc. 

 

But what if orgies with regular few? 

[yoyo74]

6 hours ago, Gayleo said:

 

Pointless question because if you don't know them, means they not high profile enough lel

There are also many closeted gays so closeted that they dont even know any gay guys at all including all the high profile ones. I for one never know any gays guys from young. Fall in love with one of my best straight friend until he finally married to a girl. At the age of 37 i finally wake up from my dream and by that time i only knew one gay guy which is one of my secondary school friend which see through my sexual orientation after he tested me with gay porn. It is through him i start with a gay website, found out how to find gay guys to make friends. found out how to join gay interest groups etc