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Chasing a Christian Bi-guy


ethanchen

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Hi guys, need some real advice here. 

Recently I knew a guy from grindr. A bi guy who was never in a relationship. Recently he tried dating some guy but failed, someone he claims to really like. So, we started hanging out and had passionate sex for couple of times. He was bott and he liked the feeling. 

 

We continued to hang out very frequently almost like a couple. I started developing feelings and realise this guy might be the soulmate I have been searching. He was mindful, well mannered, pays attention to the little stuff and humorous, a man-child. Knows my silence and what I needed at every moment. 

 

I confessed. 

 

We had a long talk, and he says that he doesn't feel the same way for me.

 

But I asked for the chance to chase him and for us to remain like now.

 

He apologised.

 

And shared that he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever. He had sex with me because he gave in to his desire and temptation. 

 

I told him I was ready to be loyal and committed to him. And grindr was the only way I get to know guys who like guys too. I was in the app for a decent conversation and a chance to find a partner. 

 

He says that he accepts that God has made him this way. He likes guys, but he felt that gay relationship is not right. 

 

He is a Christian, active one going to church every weekend and being involved in Children classes. 

 

We agreed to remain as friends, to continue our peer support but without the sexual part. 

 

I am confused... And hurt.

 

Dear all tell me if I should stop trying on this guy. Are there any Christians out here? What are your say on my encounter. 

Edited by ethanchen
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Guest Hanged up to sell

He hanged up to sell

then play hard to get

i suggested giving him up 

don’t waste time on useless guy who used religious as an excuse to reject ppl 

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Guest Defender

I’m in similar situation as him, many times we give in to our physical desires when temptation is strong, only to regret giving in after the orgasm.

 

You should not hope for more than a friendship and should respect his decision. He is definitely very nice to keep you as a friend for peer support and not cut you off as you are a potential temptation that might tripped him along the way, against his wish to not give in to such physical desires.

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1 hour ago, ethanchen said:

Hi guys, need some real advice here. 

Recently I knew a guy from grindr. A bi guy who was never in a relationship. Recently he tried dating some guy but failed, someone he claims to really like. So, we started hanging out and had passionate sex for couple of times. He was bott and he liked the feeling. 

 

We continued to hang out very frequently almost like a couple. I started developing feelings and realise this guy might be the soulmate I have been searching. He was mindful, well mannered, pays attention to the little stuff and humorous, a man-child. Knows my silence and what I needed at every moment. 

 

I confessed. 

 

We had a long talk, and he says that he doesn't feel the same way for me.

 

But I asked for the chance to chase him and for us to remain like now.

 

He apologised.

 

And shared that he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever. He had sex with me because he gave in to his desire and temptation. 

 

I told him I was ready to be loyal and committed to him. And grindr was the only way I get to know guys who like guys too. I was in the app for a decent conversation and a chance to find a partner. 

 

He says that he accepts that God has made him this way. He likes guys, but he felt that gay relationship is not right. 

 

He is a Christian, active one going to church every weekend and being involved in Children classes. 

 

We agreed to remain as friends, to continue our peer support but without the sexual part. 

 

I am confused... And hurt.

 

Dear all tell me if I should stop trying on this guy. Are there any Christians out here? What are your say on my encounter. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is a staunch Christian.

He attends classes.

He attends church masses.

He accept god creation as a gay.

He had sex many times with u.

But now what? He wants to be like other non Christian gays ,having sex with many different guys?

So is he holy or not?

Give me a minute, i gonna entertain my toes which is laughing.

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I was the 2nd guy he had sex with after 1 year. And the third gay guy he had a gay intimate experience/conversation.

 

It seems like now he regrets doing all this, and now wants to stop all the sexual stuff and even relationships. 

 

Why does he have to restrain himself and avoid a guy guy relationship? Why is he unapproving of his own feelings and desires. It's not like we go around fucking people right. We were only there for each other all these while. 

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Guest Conflict

Obviously his sexual desires are in serious conflict with his family and religious beliefs.

Sadly this can only lead to future mental disorders as well as anxiety disorders for those concerned

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Basically, I am a CHRISTIAN too.. i accept as who i am and what i am as a bi.

 

I am not staunch

I dun attend classes

 

It doesn't means that i have to be in a relationship with any man / guy..?? many people would think a relationship cannot be undone.. but sad to say its the fact that many things can be undone including a marriage that last for decades.

 

to be.. giving in to lust & temptations its all about free will which to me its as good as scratching a mosquito bite..? u have fun, he has fun.. u both have the talk

 

There will never be a Mr Right / Miss right.. people come and go accept the fact, stay safe, have fun & move on.

Edited by single42
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Actually if the current friendship relationship works fine with both of you and at times he gives in to his temptation, why then push hard that he must be your partner. In my opinion, both of you are soul mate to each other. The recognition of being a couple is just a title. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. 

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41 minutes ago, tinkymale said:

Actually if the current friendship relationship works fine with both of you and at times he gives in to his temptation, why then push hard that he must be your partner. In my opinion, both of you are soul mate to each other. The recognition of being a couple is just a title. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. 

 

AGREED!!! accept the status quote .. why push for a title or status.. straight guys get married because the certificate to marriage its a licence for you to have sex legally but only with one woman only. so don't go for the exclusive one. 

Edited by single42
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This Christian guy sounds like most conflicted Christian gay guys.

 

On one hand, they cannot resist their natural attraction to men and so, will 'give in' to that temptation every now and then.

 

On the other hand, they are bound by religion and so will always believe that anything gay related is morally wrong. So even though he may have sex with men or even date men every now and then, he will always revert back to the 'straight Christian lifestyle'.

 

It doesn't take a genius to predict his future. He will end up as a Christian man married to a Christian wife with a few Christian kids. But he will cheat on his wife with men because no matter how hard he tries, he will never be able to resist his natural desires. 

 

The things that you want (love and commitment), you will never get from him. He might make you happy every now and then. Give you some good memories here and there. But ultimately, if you continue to chase him or hang with him, the times you are upset/angry/confused/jealous will outweigh whatever good times he gives you.

 

There is an old saying that people get the love they think they deserve.

You need to convince yourself that you deserve better and cut off ties with this Christian hypocrite. He will never give you the love that you deserve.

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5 hours ago, ethanchen said:

I was the 2nd guy he had sex with after 1 year. And the third gay guy he had a gay intimate experience/conversation.

 

It seems like now he regrets doing all this, and now wants to stop all the sexual stuff and even relationships. 

 

Why does he have to restrain himself and avoid a guy guy relationship? Why is he unapproving of his own feelings and desires. It's not like we go around fucking people right. We were only there for each other all these while. 

 

As others have said, he has issues and is not ready to be in a relationship with a man; he has yet to fully accept himself. 

 

The fact that y'all met on a hookup app probably doesn't help.

 

6 hours ago, ethanchen said:

We had a long talk, and he says that he doesn't feel the same way for me.

 

But I asked for the chance to chase him and for us to remain like now.

 

He apologised.

 

And shared that he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever. He had sex with me because he gave in to his desire and temptation. 

He has made it clear to you; he doesn't love you. It's lust, not love.

 

I don't know what it is with people who go onto a hookup app expecting to meet decent men and find proper, true love. If you just want sex you'll definitely get it. But to expect anything more is being naïve. I'm sorry, you need to love yourself more.

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W

1 hour ago, tinkymale said:

Actually if the current friendship relationship works fine with both of you and at times he gives in to his temptation, why then push hard that he must be your partner. In my opinion, both of you are soul mate to each other. The recognition of being a couple is just a title. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. 

 

2 minutes ago, Guest Sad said:

 

As others have said, he has issues and is not ready to be in a relationship with a man; he has yet to fully accept himself. 

 

The fact that y'all met on a hookup app probably doesn't help.

 

He has made it clear to you; he doesn't love you. It's lust, not love.

 

I don't know what it is with people who go onto a hookup app expecting to meet decent men and find proper, true love. If you just want sex you'll definitely get it. But to expect anything more is being naïve. I'm sorry, you need to love yourself more.

Hmm but what do you advice a straight acting guy where to find a partner? if not grindr then Fairprice? 

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5 hours ago, ethanchen said:

I was the 2nd guy he had sex with after 1 year. And the third gay guy he had a gay intimate experience/conversation.

 

It seems like now he regrets doing all this, and now wants to stop all the sexual stuff and even relationships. 

 

Why does he have to restrain himself and avoid a guy guy relationship? Why is he unapproving of his own feelings and desires. It's not like we go around fucking people right. We were only there for each other all these while. 

 

He has already indicated his decision and you should respect it. As much as you would like to have a relationship with him, it's pointless as he has not fully accepted his sexual orientation. It's commendable of your intention for a loyal and commited relationship but it is not going to work here.

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14 minutes ago, ethanchen said:

Hmm but what do you advice a straight acting guy where to find a partner? if not grindr then Fairprice? 

If I knew I wouldn't be here and miserable. But common sense would tell you that if you're looking for A, you don't look somewhere where it is anything but A.

 

On 5/26/2020 at 6:50 PM, seeyouinblowingwind said:

My advice would be to not look for gay people as the main criteria but instead, to look for people with the same interests and see who among them are gay. You don't become friends with people because youre both gay, you become friends with them because you have similar interests.

 

Hope this helps!

I found what he said wise. Don't build a relationship on dubious foundations.

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7 hours ago, ethanchen said:

he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever.

 

Perhaps...it is not because he is a Christian. It is that his feelings for you are not deep enough and there are gaps between both of you that may be difficult to bridge e.g. his spiritual beliefs and yours - and therefore values, life perspective - are very different.

 

That would be true for any relationship, straight, gay, religious, secular.

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How could he be a bi guy when he never had a relationship? 

 

He sounds like a hypocrite who's not into you.

 

Stop wasting your energy on him.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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couple of weeks ago, there was this person.. he sent me a personal messgae.. we decided to have conversations thru the personal message.. but he felt igt would be better to advance to whatsapp .. fine by me.. we advanced to whatsapp.. then we decided to find out more abt each other.. then i found out he's a vegan while i am a meat lover. He's more of the soft efem type, while i am the alpha sort of character.. we never even met.. he jumped the gun & say he like me via whatsapp.. when i saw that message.. i was like laughing out loud in my own rented room.. how can a person like another person by knowing that person for less than a month.. and not even having a date.. therefore i turned the poor chap down nicely by saying .. look, we can only be friends, i am not looking to screw anybody.. i am not into A-sex or anything sexual. And the whole chat went silent.. fine by me.. 

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Guest Help yourself
10 hours ago, ethanchen said:

Hi guys, need some real advice here. 

Recently I knew a guy from grindr. A bi guy who was never in a relationship. Recently he tried dating some guy but failed, someone he claims to really like. So, we started hanging out and had passionate sex for couple of times. He was bott and he liked the feeling. 

 

We continued to hang out very frequently almost like a couple. I started developing feelings and realise this guy might be the soulmate I have been searching. He was mindful, well mannered, pays attention to the little stuff and humorous, a man-child. Knows my silence and what I needed at every moment. 

 

I confessed. 

 

We had a long talk, and he says that he doesn't feel the same way for me.

 

But I asked for the chance to chase him and for us to remain like now.

 

He apologised.

 

And shared that he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever. He had sex with me because he gave in to his desire and temptation. 

 

I told him I was ready to be loyal and committed to him. And grindr was the only way I get to know guys who like guys too. I was in the app for a decent conversation and a chance to find a partner. 

 

He says that he accepts that God has made him this way. He likes guys, but he felt that gay relationship is not right. 

 

He is a Christian, active one going to church every weekend and being involved in Children classes. 

 

We agreed to remain as friends, to continue our peer support but without the sexual part. 

 

I am confused... And hurt.

 

Dear all tell me if I should stop trying on this guy. Are there any Christians out here? What are your say on my encounter. 


TS, sometimes we don’t have to think so much or overthink, this guy is not for you. Deep down you know. Do yourself a favour and move on.

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10 hours ago, ethanchen said:

Hi guys, need some real advice here. 

Recently I knew a guy from grindr. A bi guy who was never in a relationship. Recently he tried dating some guy but failed, someone he claims to really like. So, we started hanging out and had passionate sex for couple of times. He was bott and he liked the feeling. 

 

We continued to hang out very frequently almost like a couple. I started developing feelings and realise this guy might be the soulmate I have been searching. He was mindful, well mannered, pays attention to the little stuff and humorous, a man-child. Knows my silence and what I needed at every moment. 

 

I confessed. 

 

We had a long talk, and he says that he doesn't feel the same way for me.

 

But I asked for the chance to chase him and for us to remain like now.

 

He apologised.

 

And shared that he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever. He had sex with me because he gave in to his desire and temptation. 

 

I told him I was ready to be loyal and committed to him. And grindr was the only way I get to know guys who like guys too. I was in the app for a decent conversation and a chance to find a partner. 

 

He says that he accepts that God has made him this way. He likes guys, but he felt that gay relationship is not right. 

 

He is a Christian, active one going to church every weekend and being involved in Children classes. 

 

We agreed to remain as friends, to continue our peer support but without the sexual part. 

 

I am confused... And hurt.

 

Dear all tell me if I should stop trying on this guy. Are there any Christians out here? What are your say on my encounter. 

He just not into you. 

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Yea I get the part where he doesn't have feelings for me. 

 

We just met for ice cream and talked again.

 

I asked the miracle question. From 1 - 10 he expects a 7 for a miracle to happen between him and the current guy he wanted to be with. And 0 for a miracle between us. He just had no feelings. 

 

To him as a bi, it was easier to be emotionally attached to girls, and still are sexually attracted to girls, but he prefers sexual stuff with guys, and watched gayporn.

 

We found our similarities. He isn't the kind of guy that hook up with others, to him it's just wrong to give in to lust but he did it recently because he wanted attention. and I was the same, I met him after a hiatus on grindr, I was no longer seeking fun alone but companionship.

 

The difference was.. he wasn't emotionally attached to me, but I was. To him I was like a teddy bear, to make it sound bad, I was like a sextoy/blown up doll that fulfilled his horniness. But for me i develop feelings after that so the passionate sex made me love him even more. 

 

We also talked about faith, our beliefs and morale values about sexual misconducts, premarital sex and gay relationships. When a practicing Buddhist cross paths with a devout Christian, we also found commonalities with our own confusion when it comes to the teachings. But agreed what matters more is the relationship with God and less of what the institutionalised church says. Because you never know, in times like this, our leaders may have strayed from the truth, and caused many lgbt to suffer in silence. While for me my faith did not oppose nor agree with lgbt, it is dependent on the community that you are practicing with. 

 

It was good to clear things up with him. I think it did help me to move on alittle. Tbh it is shitty to go through this and I needed time.

 

but I'm glad I found a new buddy, a gym friend and peer support for lgbt issues. But I def lost hope in seeking another relationship, just drown in self-pityness for now.

 

Thank you all for listening.

 

 

Edited by ethanchen
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Guest Take heart

I guess some of the comments here were a bit harsh, but I do think people generally meant well. 

 

Turns out he really wasn't good for you. Learn from this experience. The sooner you move on (however much time you may need; take it easy), the sooner you'll be ready to meet someone who'll truly treasure you, as you will him.

 

Sorry for your experience, and take care! It will be okay.

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1 hour ago, ethanchen said:

 

but I'm glad I found a new buddy, a gym friend and peer support for lgbt issues. But I def lost hope in seeking another relationship, just drown in self-pityness for now.

 

 


buddy you wanna hear the truth? 
you need to cut off contact with him, if not you wont be able to move on.

giving you this advise cos i have related experience last time. 旧的不去, 新的不来

 

and also, dun waste time with a bi guy.

dun get emotionally involved, their drama is enough to make you go crazy.

at most its NSA fun.

you will thank me next time.

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5 hours ago, Guest Guest said:


buddy you wanna hear the truth? 
you need to cut off contact with him, if not you wont be able to move on.

giving you this advise cos i have related experience last time. 旧的不去, 新的不来

 

and also, dun waste time with a bi guy.

dun get emotionally involved, their drama is enough to make you go crazy.

at most its NSA fun.

you will thank me next time.

You know, if it's not this guy, it will be another guy....cos this OP is seriously screwed up in his head in the first place...making something out of nothing and even subtly pointing finger at government for making his LGBT life miserable....amidst his "Chtistian" practice....🤣🤣 Typical Hypocritical people....even his love interest....🤣

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Personally, I would avoid any non-liberal christian and deep closeted gays for any sort of non superficial relationships. They might just drag you down with it. They should seriously sort out their own cognitive dissonance first. 

 

Choose wisely 😕

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On 1/17/2021 at 11:43 AM, ethanchen said:

...he feels that sex should only be reserved for the person he has feelings and wants to be with forever. He had sex with me because he gave in to his desire and temptation...

...He says that he accepts that God has made him this way. He likes guys, but he felt that gay relationship is not right...

 

welcome to the world of men. let me help you get over this jerk.

 

bottomline is that he is just not that into you. he used you for sex, and he is a coward.

Exhibit A: "sex is only for long term partner with feelings"

 

Exhibit B: "gay relationship is wrong, hence gay sex is wrong"

but yet, he bedded you. and then left you.
 

now that he has tried your dick and sick of you, he is pulling all sorts of tricks to dump you.

 

do you really want to be with someone who is sly enough to use God as his excuse?

 

please kindly reserve your dick for someone else. trust me, you can do better.

 

 

 

 



(and for future reference, stay away from closet christians and/or bi-curious, they have more baggage than the airport, and more issues than vogue.)

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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43 minutes ago, tomcat said:

 

welcome to the world of men. let me help you get over this jerk.

 

bottomline is that he is just not that into you. he used you for sex, and he is a coward.

Exhibit A: "sex is only for long term partner with feelings"

 

Exhibit B: "gay relationship is wrong, hence gay sex is wrong"

but yet, he bedded you. and then left you.
 

now that he has tried your dick and sick of you, he is pulling all sorts of tricks to dump you.

 

do you really want to be with someone who is sly enough to use God as his excuse?

 

please kindly reserve your dick for someone else. trust me, you can do better.

 

 

 

 



(and for future reference, stay away from closet christians and/or bi-curious, they have more baggage than the airport, and more issues than vogue.)

And closet muslims, buddhists, hindus, bahais, agnostics, atheists and the list goes on and on........ 

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14 minutes ago, stock-top said:

And closet muslims, buddhists, hindus, bahais, agnostics, atheists and the list goes on and on........ 

 

actually, buddhism and hinduism have no issues with gay, is it just viewed as another expression of human sexuality.

 

kamasutra shows same sex relations, or heterosexual couples engaging in anal play. the kamasutra was popular from Gupta through to the Mughal empire, which was predominantly hindu. 

 

buddhism also places less emphasis on your sexual identity, but who you are as a spiritual being, your deeds and karmic debt. so gay sex is just seen through the same filter as straight sex. 

 

as for islam, new text and imagery is uncovered every year which shows the normality of men-on-men relationship. some of them are romantic love, some are just shown as aspects of platonic affection. 

and for the most part, the evidence is mounting that the anti-gay narrative and the harsh attitudes towards same sex was arguably added as a later edition to the abrahamic faiths. 

https://onditmagazine.medium.com/a-queer-history-of-islamic-art-e7019064e094

 

i am not starting a debate - just presenting evidence and facts so you can see that your comment was ill-advised. 

 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, tomcat said:

 

actually, buddhism and hinduism have no issues with gay, is it just viewed as another expression of human sexuality.

 

kamasutra shows same sex relations, or heterosexual couples engaging in anal play. the kamasutra was popular from Gupta through to the Mughal empire, which was predominantly hindu. 

 

buddhism also places less emphasis on your sexual identity, but who you are as a spiritual being, your deeds and karmic debt. so gay sex is just seen through the same filter as straight sex. 

 

as for islam, new text and imagery is uncovered every year which shows the normality of men-on-men relationship. some of them are romantic love, some are just shown as aspects of platonic affection. 

and for the most part, the evidence is mounting that the anti-gay narrative and the harsh attitudes towards same sex was arguably added as a later edition to the abrahamic faiths. 

https://onditmagazine.medium.com/a-queer-history-of-islamic-art-e7019064e094

 

i am not starting a debate - just presenting evidence and facts so you can see that your comment was ill-advised. 

 

A closet is just what it is, a closet. There is only ONE closet, it's either you are out of it or hide in it. I'm also not here to start any debate. 

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Just now, Guest Makan said:

No offence but when I see or meet a BI guy, i will immediately close off my heart to him. BI guys are full of drama.

 

But....must makan him first :rolleyes::ph34r:


hahaha, i like your priorities. i agree 100%. as long as he wants it, who cares. but as for matters of the heart, don't even let him in!

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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Advice #1: Find people with less emotional/spiritual/health baggage.  For an LTR, find someone with zero financial baggage.

 

Advice #2: For any relationship/friendship/social connection to last, don't project your expectations onto the other party

 

Advice #3: To be happier as a person, have less expectations.  Rather, just be in that moment and enjoy it for what it is, rather than what can be.

 

Regards

 

Edited by FattChoy
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On 1/18/2021 at 12:36 AM, ethanchen said:

Yea I get the part where he doesn't have feelings for me. 

 

We just met for ice cream and talked again.

 

I asked the miracle question. From 1 - 10 he expects a 7 for a miracle to happen between him and the current guy he wanted to be with. And 0 for a miracle between us. He just had no feelings. 

 

To him as a bi, it was easier to be emotionally attached to girls, and still are sexually attracted to girls, but he prefers sexual stuff with guys, and watched gayporn.

 

We found our similarities. He isn't the kind of guy that hook up with others, to him it's just wrong to give in to lust but he did it recently because he wanted attention. and I was the same, I met him after a hiatus on grindr, I was no longer seeking fun alone but companionship.

 

The difference was.. he wasn't emotionally attached to me, but I was. To him I was like a teddy bear, to make it sound bad, I was like a sextoy/blown up doll that fulfilled his horniness. But for me i develop feelings after that so the passionate sex made me love him even more. 

 

We also talked about faith, our beliefs and morale values about sexual misconducts, premarital sex and gay relationships. When a practicing Buddhist cross paths with a devout Christian, we also found commonalities with our own confusion when it comes to the teachings. But agreed what matters more is the relationship with God and less of what the institutionalised church says. Because you never know, in times like this, our leaders may have strayed from the truth, and caused many lgbt to suffer in silence. While for me my faith did not oppose nor agree with lgbt, it is dependent on the community that you are practicing with. 

 

It was good to clear things up with him. I think it did help me to move on alittle. Tbh it is shitty to go through this and I needed time.

 

but I'm glad I found a new buddy, a gym friend and peer support for lgbt issues. But I def lost hope in seeking another relationship, just drown in self-pityness for now.

 

Thank you all for listening.

 

 

 

 

Glad u have found a new buddy. What i mentioned, may sound offensive to other believers, so i try not to.

 

Firstly, he is Christian. There are Christian who are holy type, and some, half-past 6 type.

The bible is very clear about gay, homosexual. In the old testament, God destroyed cities filled with lust.

In new testament, its stated very clearly that sinner, inclusive of homosexual will NOT inherit the kingdom of God. 

I will NOT touch topic of "once saved, forever saved", which is other doctrines.

 

Yr friend is human. On Sunday, he will be in church praising God, sing songs, sharing. The moment he goes home, he finds u for sex? How can?

So either God or lust. Else he will just be a hypocrite.

Some people will argued that God will love anyone, including gays, etc. Again, i will NOT touch biblical issues.

 

Trust me, every time after he had fun with u, or others, he is very regretful of his actions. He does not wanna this way but he cannot resist the body temptations.

 

So in the end, he choose God. Whether he will continue to live a double life or not, no one knows. At this point of time, he chooses God over u.

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13 hours ago, benedict5856 said:

 

There are Christian who are holy type, and some, half-past 6 type.

 

I have never came across a Christian who is truly holy.  As a matter of fact, no human being can become truly holy.   People who deny you of relationship and sex are trying to be politically correct to get you out of their way, so that they can spend more time with "children" for whatever reason nobody knew.

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