Top/bottom, dominant/submissive

[SuBee]

Last year I met a guy online and got together at his place.  We quickly got naked and he asked me to stand in a specific position, laying down on his bed, on my stomach with my legs spread open while he was standing behind me.  Nothing wrong with that, although I much prefer lots of foreplay before getting there but whatever.  After a few minutes I wanted to do other things, but his reaction was, you're submissive so you do what I want and we continued that way until he came.  

That unsatisfactory experience led me to again wonder about the labels we assign to ourselves.  Because years prior, a friend and very brief lover had said that I was a power bottom...  I remember thinking that was an odd label but as I became more experienced with men and became more aware of the things I like and those I don't,  I came to understand what he meant.  All bottoms are not submissive, and all tops are not dominant.

[JRJL]

I wud love to be a submissive btm or a submissive top.

[amicablyalan]

How dan tops be submissive...🤔

[Muppet7070]

Tops can be submissive if a power bottom dominates by telling the top what to do, how to do it, and for how long to do it. 

Edited February 13, 2021 by Muppet7070
Missed words

[manehiso]

5 hours ago, SuBee said:

Last year I met a guy online and got together at his place.  We quickly got naked and he asked me to stand in a specific position, laying down on his bed, on my stomach with my legs spread open while he was standing behind me.  Nothing wrong with that, although I much prefer lots of foreplay before getting there but whatever.  After a few minutes I wanted to do other things, but his reaction was, you're submissive so you do what I want and we continued that way until he came.  

That unsatisfactory experience led me to again wonder about the labels we assign to ourselves.  Because years prior, a friend and very brief lover had said that I was a power bottom...  I remember thinking that was an odd label but as I became more experienced with men and became more aware of the things I like and those I don't,  I came to understand what he meant.  All bottoms are not submissive, and all tops are not dominant.

Since last year.. How has it been for u since then till now?

[upshot]

8 hours ago, SuBee said:

Last year I met a guy online and got together at his place.  We quickly got naked and he asked me to stand in a specific position, laying down on his bed, on my stomach with my legs spread open while he was standing behind me.  Nothing wrong with that, although I much prefer lots of foreplay before getting there but whatever.  After a few minutes I wanted to do other things, but his reaction was, you're submissive so you do what I want and we continued that way until he came.  

That unsatisfactory experience led me to again wonder about the labels we assign to ourselves.  Because years prior, a friend and very brief lover had said that I was a power bottom...  I remember thinking that was an odd label but as I became more experienced with men and became more aware of the things I like and those I don't,  I came to understand what he meant.  All bottoms are not submissive, and all tops are not dominant.

 

Yes..labels are such a bane. Sex is a spectrum. But somehow it seems so weird there are people who do not communicate their preferences before jumping into bed and then regret it somewhat. If you can take that awkwardness as part of the fun encounter I guess that would be fine. But say you get into a situation where, there is nothing you like, and you felt this need to carry thru with it. Sometime too there is always this 'visual cue' we take for granted to be real as in if you look a bit soft or wimpy you are some kind of btm like a power btm or a slave btm..etc And if you have that chiselled and muscular frame or facial look you are some kind of aggressive top, dominating top..etc.

 

I think communication is key if you want to have a good time overall then end up compromising and regretting it. Or just go with it since it is already both naked in bed and might as well go thru with it. heheheh.. Not my thing but I am sure there those who will and this usually is the case if you go to cruising places and no one has time to ask but take visual cues.

[SuBee]

15 hours ago, manehiso said:

Since last year.. How has it been for u since then till now?

Sadly, I haven't met anyone since...

[SuBee]

12 hours ago, upshot said:

 

Yes..labels are such a bane. Sex is a spectrum. But somehow it seems so weird there are people who do not communicate their preferences before jumping into bed and then regret it somewhat. If you can take that awkwardness as part of the fun encounter I guess that would be fine. But say you get into a situation where, there is nothing you like, and you felt this need to carry thru with it. Sometime too there is always this 'visual cue' we take for granted to be real as in if you look a bit soft or wimpy you are some kind of btm like a power btm or a slave btm..etc And if you have that chiselled and muscular frame or facial look you are some kind of aggressive top, dominating top..etc.

 

I think communication is key if you want to have a good time overall then end up compromising and regretting it. Or just go with it since it is already both naked in bed and might as well go thru with it. heheheh.. Not my thing but I am sure there those who will and this usually is the case if you go to cruising places and no one has time to ask but take visual cues.

I totally agree.  My very first experience I was 14 and the man 57 and a kind but authority figure who had groomed me for over 1 year before inviting me to his place to study... when he kissed me, I froze, unable to understand what was happening (my first kiss ever, let alone with a man) and, for the next hour I was incapable of rejecting whatever he wanted.  Much of my sexuality with men has been a slow and sometimes tortuous evolutionary process from that very first time.

[upshot]

On 2/14/2021 at 4:35 PM, SuBee said:

I totally agree.  My very first experience I was 14 and the man 57 and a kind but authority figure who had groomed me for over 1 year before inviting me to his place to study... when he kissed me, I froze, unable to understand what was happening (my first kiss ever, let alone with a man) and, for the next hour I was incapable of rejecting whatever he wanted.  Much of my sexuality with men has been a slow and sometimes tortuous evolutionary process from that very first time.

I do not condone older guys tasting forbidden fruit of underage but I get the gist of it. Call me prundish but anything above 18 yrs is fine by me. I recall when I was making part-time money at my uncles shop at age 13 yrs old. This is before my 'wakening' years. There was this American guy in his 40s who come to get his company literatures printed as I would man the copier. Back in the days, people want to save money on books, they copy them and bind into books before returning to the library.  Long story short, he comes in often enough. This was at a time before I know what gay truly about.  Suffice to say he pays as much attention to me as he does others working in the office which is not often the case given young ones like us only work the copier and do not deal in the servicing and business end of walk-in customers. Start up chitchat that went from casual bits on the progression of his print order and it got to where I school, to what I like to eat and want to join him for lunch. Before long, he like getting really up close and when my uncle or staff walks away to the back room, he would start putting his hand on my knee and thigh given I was sitting on a high chair next to the photo copier machine operating the machine. He was not worried and very confident about it. I brush his hand off and he puts it back. Squeezing my thigh and try to make out my privates thru my pants and when I got up from the chair, he cupped my butt. And when someone walks back in to the main entrance, he stops. His whole act was so practised. His whole conversation never show a hint of what his hands are doing. A few times he got close to brush his cock against me. This did not sit well with me, a man of his size more than 6 foot tall and a foreigner working in Singapore in Beach Road. Each time he sees me he would try it. This is not someone like a tourist fascinated by the places he is sent to work in. He was a predator above all. He does not think us interesting locals people he wants to know more culturally. Guys like that looked at us as someone low class and not their equal, and we were all so awe-struck by the big Ang Mo here to save us from ourselves. A bit of that Pinkerton syndrome. That we can all be bought or made to submit down to them. When you want to talk white man privileges and entitlement, back then, this was a daily dose if you meet the wrong toxic white-trash persona. Asian at one time, thinks there is no prison in the western world. I witness this first-hand in not just this sick bastard but in business practices. Sound drama I know, but that did happen. And peers in my age of 50s, we have seen it. Not forgotten. Not as shitty these days which is progression I guess.

 

Anyway, there is a time and place for everything. PEDO is not one of them. This is something I can not stand for even if I have had sex with a white person or any race in general. Folks of any colour has no right to do what they like just because they think they can get away with or not see the harm in doing it. There still are those who are like that among us TODAY. Just more hidden and less obvious in their action. The ones that venture to places like this for their Asian fetish.. we are not seen as human equals of respect but as prey.

 

For me there are very little reasons for that old and young relationship to exist fairly. There is always that power dynamic at play and never on equal footing. Both see it as a means to an end but the endings are never about the same goals. I do say there are always exception to the rule but that is too far and few from what I stand. Just saying...  Just a rant. Not meaning I imply this to be you bro.. no offend. Just got caught back to that old memory ...sometime I try never to revisit as it gets my blood boiling with guys like that mingling among us.

Just one of the ways I wish no guy who are into guys be subjected to as part of their journey to sexual 'wakening' for lack of a better word.

Edited February 22, 2021 by upshot
typos

[SuBee]

What I realized later in life is that the world is full of pedophiles praying on kids, looking for opportunities to attract their attention.   It's schools, churches, physical activities, bus stops, hang out places...

In my case, he was a school supervisor and I was in boarding school.  He befriended me, made me feel special.  The event at his place happened right before Christmas break and I remember writing to him that I wanted to be friends but didn't want to do again what he had done.  After the holidays, I learned that he had taken a 4 months sabbatical.  I knew this was because of my letter and when he returned, he refused to speak to me and kept his distances at all time until the end of the school year and we never spoke again.

It took me many years to understand that the real abuse wasn't the unexpected and unwanted physical contact but it was being rejected after I asked to refrain from that contact.  He had befriended me solely for his sexual gratification, while the 13-14 year old looked up to a friendly father figure. 

[lightsmith32]

What u are describing is a guy who wants absolute control in bed. He wants a submissive. Being btm doesnt mean submissive. Both of you were not clear abt the session would be and a gd session thus became toxic. Just blame your inexperience and better luck next time.

[SuBee]

On 2/21/2021 at 4:08 PM, lightsmith32 said:

What u are describing is a guy who wants absolute control in bed. He wants a submissive. Being btm doesnt mean submissive. Both of you were not clear abt the session would be and a gd session thus became toxic. Just blame your inexperience and better luck next time.

Right.... you establish the parameters and the finer points of the job before you start the performance?  Maybe you seek such clarity as part of your engagement protocol but, yeah...not me.  And the experience wasn't toxic; it was just unpleasant, disappointing. 

[doncoin]

@SuBee I am personally disturbed by what you had experienced as an adolescent. I think many of the sexual encounters you had at such an early age with a much older man were highly inappropriate. It is one thing if your early sexual experience were with your peers. That did not happened. You were groomed by the predators, and at that young age, you were probably confused and you did know what happened was not right-i.e. in your letter stating you do not want to have what transpired happening again. I do hope you have sought therapy in the years since, and learn that you are in a different place now, and you deserve to feel safe and be respected. 

[lightsmith32]

13 hours ago, SuBee said:

Right.... you establish the parameters and the finer points of the job before you start the performance?  Maybe you seek such clarity as part of your engagement protocol but, yeah...not me.  And the experience wasn't toxic; it was just unpleasant, disappointing. 

If u had enough experience you will know how to maneuver and achieve what you BOTH need ... there is always the next times .. you will get better ... remember to suck more and talk less ..

[SuBee]

10 hours ago, doncoin said:

@SuBee I am personally disturbed by what you had experienced as an adolescent. I think many of the sexual encounters you had at such an early age with a much older man were highly inappropriate. It is one thing if your early sexual experience were with your peers. That did not happened. You were groomed by the predators, and at that young age, you were probably confused and you did know what happened was not right-i.e. in your letter stating you do not want to have what transpired happening again. I do hope you have sought therapy in the years since, and learn that you are in a different place now, and you deserve to feel safe and be respected. 

Wow! Thank you for showing empathy, it's really appreciated. Yes, I went through a fair amount of therapy and self analysis over the years and came out ok in the end.  This is why I can talk about it openly now. 

I agree of course that pedophilia is never acceptable and find it disturbing to read those who glorify how young their conquests are.  No kids ever want to have sex with a grown up, ever. 

[ichigo_f]

On 2/28/2021 at 11:31 AM, lightsmith32 said:

If u had enough experience you will know how to maneuver and achieve what you BOTH need ... there is always the next times .. you will get better ... remember to suck more and talk less ..

yes sir. will suck always , never talk untill u agree i talk to 

[lightsmith32]

On 3/4/2021 at 6:45 AM, ichigo_f said:

yes sir. will suck always , never talk untill u agree i talk to 

My kind of pet ...

[Copper2b]

Yes I like to just take orders and obey.