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40 & Single Discussion : Gay men over 45 far more likely to be single + How is gay life like after 40 years old & beyond (compiled)


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9 hours ago, Guest Guest said:


40s will still have good demand if you are hot and in good shape. Some guys like daddy type.

 

It’s really 50 onwards where your demand will just plunge. Then again in 50s, your life should be more than just hooking up and looking for sex.

R u speaking from experience?

I am in my 50s and I have more hit from younger guys than ever. 

I am starting to notice that I appeal to a group of man who are looking for matured type.  

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9 hours ago, Guest Still long Journey said:

Don't worry, you are still far from being cancelled completely, unlike those in their 70 and beyond?

 

"cancelled completely" at 70 and beyond?  :lol::lol::lol:

 

If we men are "cancelled completely",  imagine the poor women when they age!  

Here is an example of a woman who is TWICE the age of the TS.  She is 80 y.o. in this video:

 

 

Jane Fonda is a smart person.  Is she an exception?  Perhaps not...

 

Is she what she is because she was born like that?  No, she is the result of her lifestyle. She worked out hard all her life.  Has her hard workout hurt her?  Apparently not. Does she regret it?  NO.   Is she ashamed of having had some plastic surgery?  No.  Did it hurt her?  No.  Does she appear to have some senility, dementia at 80? No, in the video her mind seems to be as sharp as ever.  Women who "take it easy" at 40 look worse than Fonda at 80.   

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Guest I also

I also just passed 40.

 

I lead a healthy life and exercise regularly since young. I still have a lean toned body but there are some aging signs I can't prevent.

 

More white hair now.
I heard muscle mass will start to decrease from 40 onwards. I regret not building up more mass before.
Stamina starts to drop running and on bed.
Getting tired easier after work
Age spots on face and body
Gap between teeth widening and food start trapping
Eye bag gets worse
Frown lines more obvious
Disappearing abs


Other heath problems which I thought I won't get as long as I stay healthy but it doesn't work this way.

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5 hours ago, Guest I also said:

I also just passed 40.

 

I lead a healthy life and exercise regularly since young. I still have a lean toned body but there are some aging signs I can't prevent.

 

More white hair now.
I heard muscle mass will start to decrease from 40 onwards. I regret not building up more mass before.
Stamina starts to drop running and on bed.
Getting tired easier after work
Age spots on face and body
Gap between teeth widening and food start trapping
Eye bag gets worse
Frown lines more obvious
Disappearing abs


Other heath problems which I thought I won't get as long as I stay healthy but it doesn't work this way.

 

To color your hair is easy.

Muscle mass does not have to decrease until the 70s...  Maybe your exercise is mostly aerobic.  After 40, change to mostly weight lifting.  This will keep your muscles from decreasing, and it can even keep them increasing.   This goes too for your abs:  do good exercises for the abs, and they may keep growing.  Also stay slim.

Gap between teeth widening?  This is not necessarily age related, and can be fixed with dental bonding.

Age spots on face and body?  Use face product with retinol, moisturizing cream with high SPF.  On the body... who cares?

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Guest Tony Chen

Moving into my mid 40s, I can say from my experience that every year becomes more precious in self maintenance. Basically I just need to take care of myself more , and more. More attention to exercise , more attention to sleep routines , more attention to complexion etc. Because the truth is we can’t fight gravity or time. This is also one of the reasons why most gay people feel the pressure or desire to settle down before their 40s. Market value decreases (to those who say they are getting “more hits than ever”, congratulations for being the minority), you experience ageism in apps, clubs , gyms , and less roving eyes are on you comparatively. My peers who are in the mid 40s find it almost impossible to find a relationship partner despite being decent human beings. Maybe they are still selective, which makes the process worse. 
 

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Guest Going to be 41 this year

I will be 41 this year. Still in the closet. Lately, i have thoughts that once my parents pass away, I will be without a family. Nobody to turn to when in help.

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38 minutes ago, Guest Going to be 41 this year said:

I will be 41 this year. Still in the closet. Lately, i have thoughts that once my parents pass away, I will be without a family. Nobody to turn to when in help.

 

Given your age, you shldnt be a strawberry gen. Start  to learn to be independent

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There are basically 2 types of fourties. One who enjoy their life even more and fullest. Another who see the decline each year. 
And these are 2 outcomes are really the result of the action one has chosen to take when they are in their thirdties. 
For the former, one who work hard in developing themselves, not just career but also physical and mentally and character. 
For the latter, one who takes advantage of their good look, body and immersed in daily enjoyment. Time passes in a flash. 

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4 minutes ago, bigdanbeam said:

 

Given your age, you shldnt be a strawberry gen. Start  to learn to be independent

I think it depends. I somehow resonate with Guest Going to be 41 this year. Like for myself, I didn’t have a good childhood, and I only started to feel parents’ love at like 35? Being independent is good, but everyone has different timing in their life, so don’t rush. Of course everyone has to learn to be independent, but everyone has different journeys 

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45 minutes ago, Guest Going to be 41 this year said:

I will be 41 this year. Still in the closet. Lately, i have thoughts that once my parents pass away, I will be without a family. Nobody to turn to when in help.

You are 41 and still expect people to help or turn to? I thought it should be the other way round. U should be the one who is helping others and capable to taking care of yourself. Let your parents know that if they moved on the next minute, you are totally capable of taking good care of yourself. This is not heartless or no emotion. This is what your parents most wanted to see too. 

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1 hour ago, tyan said:

You are 41 and still expect people to help or turn to? I thought it should be the other way round. U should be the one who is helping others and capable to taking care of yourself. Let your parents know that if they moved on the next minute, you are totally capable of taking good care of yourself. This is not heartless or no emotion. This is what your parents most wanted to see too. 

 

Not in my 40s, far from it even. But felt that the comment was pretty stereotypical. 

 

Personally, I think it's great to see men improve themselves in their 40s. Not just physically, but mentally and professionally. But let's acknowledge the people who are contented with what they have too. The one common theme I noticed in people in their late 30s to mid 40s is there's this constant dinging of needing to be "better." But pray tell, what is better in this context? And how is better measured?

 

Say your goal is to further develop your career. Then my question to you is, what's it gonna take to be enough? A lot of people downplay the importance of mental wellbeing and constantly preach about career development and "lifelong learning." That is fine and all, but what exactly are they learning? Because if we're talking about improving ourselves, almost every day is in an opportunity to do so. And learning about one's self counts too. 

 

Another thing I notice is how most gay men in their 40s confuse health with fitness. Health is so much more than that, it's all-encompassing and not just aesthetics. Just because one isn't developing muscles or appearing to be aesthetic isn't necessarily an indication that they do not prioritize health and fitness.

 

I've digressed much. But I believe the reply above yours is merely acknowledging that he has much to learn and he is comfortable living with the fears in his life. To acknowledge your fears is to be human. To crave for company at your 40s is also human. To hope for someone to care for you is human too. Just because we're at certain age already, it doesn't necessarily mean we can't ask for help. Live your life as is, define independence as you please. There's nothing wrong is fearing what the future holds for you past 40. It's simply human to do so, and it is fine if your parents pass on worrying about you. Because that's what parents do, don't they? No matter how much reassurance you give them, they still worry all the time. And if the scenario does happen to someone else here, there's no need for us to tell them to wise up before their parents pass on. Life works in mysterious ways and one day, they too will figure things out. 

 

Life after 40 isn't a competition, nor should it be a hard and fast rule. And men who are contented with their lives are always sexier than one that's trying to be belle of ball. There's a fine line between complacency and contentment, improvement and insecurity, ever learning and a lust for superficiality.

Edited by notd
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Just now, notd said:

 

Not in my 40s, far from it even. But felt that the comment was pretty stereotypical. 

 

Personally, I think it's great to see men improve themselves in their 40s. Not just physically, but mentally and professionally. But let's acknowledge the people who are contented with they have too. The one common theme I noticed in people in their late 30s to mid 40s is there's this constant dinging of needing to be "better." But pray tell, what is better in this context? And how is better measured?

 

Say your goal is to further develop your career. Then my question to you is, what's it gonna take to be enough? A lot of people downplay the importance of mental wellbeing and constantly preach about career development and "lifelong learning." That is fine and all, but what exactly are they learning? Because if we're talking about improving ourselves, almost every day is in an opportunity to do so. And learning about one's self counts too. 

 

Another thing I notice is how most gay men in their 40s confuse health with fitness. Health is so much more than that, it's all-encompassing and not just aesthetics. Just because one isn't developing muscles or appearing to be aesthetic isn't necessarily an indication that they do not prioritize health and fitness.

 

I've digressed much. But I believe the reply above yours is merely acknowledging that he has much to learn and he is comfortable living with the fears in his life. To acknowledge your fears is to be human. To crave for company at your 40s is also human. To hope for someone to care for you is human too. Just because we're at certain age already, it doesn't necessarily mean we can't ask for help. Live your life as is, define independence as you please. There's nothing wrong is fearing what the future holds for you past 40. It's simply human to do so, and it is fine if your parents pass on worrying about you. Because that's what parents do, don't they? No matter how much reassurance you give them, they still worry all the time. And if the scenario does happen to someone else here, there's no need for us to tell them to wise up before their parents pass on. Life works in mysterious ways and one day, they too will figure things out. 

 

Life after 40 isn't a competition, nor should it be a hard and fast rule. 

Yes I agree. Everyone has different life turning points; it’s good to give advice but we can’t force people to accept it nor judge them unless we know their journeys in and out. 

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When you hit 50, you'll realised that 40 is your prime of old age. 

When you hit 60, you'll realised that 50 is your prime or older age. 

When you hit 70, you'll realised nothing matters anymore. 

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Guest Tony Chen

Unfortunately love relationship is one thing most people hunger for. And in their 40s if they are still unable to achieve it for long term, they will find it a struggle to be fully satisfied or “contented” until probably when they are 70 and already numb to it. It’s easy to say be better by yourself or you dont need someone but when you see the many friends you hang out with all going home to their spouses and partners and you are alone and just waiting for the next gathering to cure your loneliness, it’s not something that can make you content with life. 

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Guest Unacceptable
9 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Age spots on face and body?  Use face product with retinol, moisturizing cream with high SPF.  On the body... who cares?

Gays care about the BODY too.   If you don't have that despite all the  botox on your face, then you are going to freak out many people with nice smooth bod.

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I am now 45 and I still feel I am in my 30s. Aside from the factors that were mentioned by the other forumers e.g. health, sex life, relationships, another thing that we should look into is our finances. I am lucky I got an early start in saving and in investing but then I embarked in a minimalist lifestyle (there is another thread for that) only in my 40s and now living simply, throwing all excess stuff and even friends at that.

 

Start to check how your retirement will be and expect to live until 100 or over. This is also age and time to reflect on your previous mistakes and successes. Throw the bad and cultivate and consistently stick with the good. 

 

I am happy !

     I'm really turned-on if both heads (the head above and the head below) are both functioning well

https://asianguysgonewild.newtumbl.com

https://linktr.ee/riverrobles  

WQPofyr.jpg

 

 

 

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10 hours ago, Guest Numb said:

When you hit 50, you'll realised that 40 is your prime of old age. 

When you hit 60, you'll realised that 50 is your prime or older age. 

When you hit 70, you'll realised nothing matters anymore. 

 

LOL!  This is cute.  But you should shift it up by 20 years.  It can be 90 when nothing matters anymore.

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Guest Guest
13 hours ago, tyan said:

You are 41 and still expect people to help or turn to? I thought it should be the other way round. U should be the one who is helping others and capable to taking care of yourself. Let your parents know that if they moved on the next minute, you are totally capable of taking good care of yourself. This is not heartless or no emotion. This is what your parents most wanted to see too. 

Maybe he meant when he falls  very sick or worst hospitalise and cannot take care ownself after discharge?!

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10 minutes ago, Guest guest said:

I think guys who resemble his kind of look and in their 40s are pretty decent.

 

 

 

I was curious to see how this guy in his 40s looks like,  but there is no showing of his full body.  I assume that this is because he is filming by himself,  walking around with his camera (his cellphone) in an extender held by his other hand, while talking towards it.  How practical!   It must be comical seeing someone making a video like that. :lol:

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24 minutes ago, doncoin said:

I'm in my mid-40s. I think life is pretty normal. Nothing really that is shocking or unexpected. Other than hair getting grey and thinning, health is still there. I am at the "daddy" stage in life, so most of the guys I have been hooking up with since i became single have been on the younger side. mid-20s to early 40s. I enjoy a variety of guys, but a pattern i have noted since 2020 has been i have a thing for smaller built guys- i.e. guys who are shorter than me. (I am 180cm). 

I enjoy my 40s as I think i am getting a clearer picture of who I am as a man, and look forward to my 50s, 60s...

Guess u r mature top. Many twinks like daddy figure so u r in luck lol. The same cant be said of mature btms. Its a deep plunge down the valley

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1 hour ago, doncoin said:

I'm in my mid-40s. I think life is pretty normal. Nothing really that is shocking or unexpected. Other than hair getting grey and thinning, health is still there. I am at the "daddy" stage in life, so most of the guys I have been hooking up with since i became single have been on the younger side. mid-20s to early 40s. I enjoy a variety of guys, but a pattern i have noted since 2020 has been i have a thing for smaller built guys- i.e. guys who are shorter than me. (I am 180cm). 

I enjoy my 40s as I think i am getting a clearer picture of who I am as a man, and look forward to my 50s, 60s...

 

This is the type of positive messaging that is so uplifting...:) we all can do with the same kind of mentality

Btw, didn't know you are now single

 

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On 4/19/2021 at 11:04 AM, Expired Btm Uncle said:

Guess u r mature top. Many twinks like daddy figure so u r in luck lol. The same cant be said of mature btms. Its a deep plunge down the valley

 

Well, the truth of the matter is that I am not getting the type of erections I used to when i was in my teens and 20s. A cock ring helps. 😈 Also, at this point, the foreplay becomes the focus. Put me with the right guy with a nice pink hole and I can slurp it for hours. 

 

I hooked up with a guy who is in his late 40s. I don't think it is a "deep plunge down the valley" but there are things that comes with maturity. It is not all about sex. Older guys can still be hot and sexy. 

 

22 hours ago, mate69 said:

This is the type of positive messaging that is so uplifting...:) we all can do with the same kind of mentality

Btw, didn't know you are now single

 

Thank you @mate69. We all get old. It is inevitable. I do what I can to stay in shape and be healthy. Being 40s is not all doom and gloom as a gay man. Plan ahead for the next decade. There are areas of myself that I know I need to improve on, and those improvements are things I want to focus on before turning 50. 

Edited by doncoin

Love. 

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Guest Sissy Bottom
On 4/19/2021 at 10:10 PM, Expired Btm Uncle said:

This is bearish daddy type. Not everyone into this type

Not true!!  I like him to Top me. 

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On 4/18/2021 at 6:47 AM, Guest 40 years old said:

I had just recently reached the 40 years old mile stone.

 

Overall I feel I am still more or less the same physically and mentally like I am still in my 30s... 

 

But some how slowly a uneasy feeling have seep into me.... I don't know why... 

 

A mid life crisis in the making??

 

I wonder what will be in store for me in terms of health, sex, relationships, career and my mental well being?

 

Anyone who are in their 40s or have pass their 40s care to share anything to look out or be careful with?

 

Thank you!! 😋🏼


Welcome to club 40! 
 

Honestly, life gets better — not because of what people tell you. But because of what you tell yourself. 
 

Trust me. 

 

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35 minutes ago, Blogger Adam said:


Welcome to club 40! 
Honestly, life gets better — not because of what people tell you. But because of what you tell yourself. 
Trust me. 

 

 

32 minutes ago, Guest Man50 said:

well.... I am still having morning woods every morning in my 50s 

 

You guys are doing such a great job helping to educate the very young gays here who think that in 20 years when they reach 40 they will have lost all their attractiveness and chances to enjoy life by being reduced to old "uncles" with whom no one wants to have anything to do,  

and therefore they must not lose time to get all the sex and all the fun they possibly can experience, to wring the maximum out of their 'youth' that will vanish so soon,

and as a consequence of this abuse of their bodies...  they will decay and age prematurely in a sad confirmation that their initial evaluation was correct. 

 

But now they will learn of your smartness,  or our smartness since I will soon be in the Club 80, and they will lose their desperation and instead start to plan intelligently how to best live their lives so that their 'youth' may last into the 60s and beyond.

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18 minutes ago, Guest I am SCARED! said:

Rejection and cancellation.  Very real in Singapore.

 

The idea that old people are rejected and cancelled may be common, but it is nonetheless wrong.   I am a 78 y.o. gay man, and I don't feel rejected nor cancelled.  My sister is 82, and she is equally not being rejected nor cancelled.  

 

You mean rejected and cancelled by young gays?  The main objective in our lives is HAPPINESS.  How ignorant is to think that the main source of happiness is to be sought and accepted by young gays!  There is much more to happiness than sex, and much more to sex and love than the  "flesh of young gay"!  But you have to be a little older to understand this.  Don't be scared,  you will be fine if you reach the Club 80 in good health.  :) 

 

And if there is rejection and cancellation in Singapore,  look in other places.  All S.E. Asia is close to Singapore.   They say "No one is a prophet in his own land". 

.

Edited by Steve5380
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Guest Ah Boy
22 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

The idea that old people are rejected and cancelled may be common, but it is nonetheless wrong.   I am a 78 y.o. gay man, and I don't feel rejected nor cancelled.  My sister is 82, and she is equally not being rejected nor cancelled.  

 

You mean rejected and cancelled by young gays?  The main objective in our lives is HAPPINESS.  How ignorant is to think that the main source of happiness is to be sought and accepted by young gays!  There is much more to happiness than sex, and much more to sex and love than the  "flesh of young gay"!  But you have to be a little older to understand this.  Don't be scared,  you will be fine if you reach the Club 80 in good health.  :) 

 

And if there is rejection and cancellation in Singapore,  look in other places.  All S.E. Asia is close to Singapore.   They say "No one is a prophet in his own land". 

.

Thanks!! When I reached club 80, I will ask you for advice again.

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Guest Guest Teehee

Currently in my early 30s, wouldn't say totally attractive but still gym fit.

 

As someone that enjoys a good chat and a beer/wine, i cannot disagree with how some people actually feels that people at their 40s are naturally not attractive. I would honestly rather be out there with people slightly older than me as the conversation with these people are generally more interesting. They have more life experience to share and the conversation never gets dull. There is however 2 side of this:

 

The 40s that still put in effort for them self and those that doesn't.

 

For those that puts in effort they still can be hot. I've met quite a few that generally have nicer gym fit bods than of those that are younger. Some of them also invested in skin care etc and generally have good looks ! They are young at heart, trendy and respectful. They put in effort to understand what younger people wants and are keen to participate and try things. They have also attempted many things in life and generally have a great sense of achievement in life.

 

On the other hand i've met some that think that just because they are at the age they are always "right" kind. Gosh, conversation with these kind of people are dreadful. There are also those that have completely given up with life, try but failed miserably with the dad bod ---->They are the kind that thinks just because i'm at the dad age, what i have is what the youngers called a dad bod mentality. To put this in a clearer perspective, they are the kind of chubs that would call themself a bear in the app. You would think that given u're already at the age, the least u can do is give some life advice for those that are younger than you but all they talk about is the job that they hate for the past 20 years. 

 

So a lot depends on the individual. My take is give them a chance. Not everyone wants to sleep with you. Be there as a friend / as a companion. You never know you can potentially find great individual to have a chat as a friend /fwb instead of spending your lonely nights trying to get a "hi" back from over rated hunks in the app. I do acknowledge a gym fit bod naturally attracts gym fit bod. But you should know, a lot of people that have past their 40s may no longer have their old bod and when they realised it, its hard for them to come out and find friends. Search for a good friend that will stay by your side when you are younger. And when you reach an older age, you need not worry about the lonely nights from trying to chase hot young fit bod when u're younger.

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4 hours ago, Guest I am SCARED! said:

Rejection and cancellation.  Very real in Singapore.

Both can happen at any stage of life as long as one is not hot by gay standard, though more often as u get older.

 

Need to be realistic,  once u r old and without a partner, whatever sexual desire have to use money,  no other choice.

Edited by lonelyglobe
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Guest Daddy
10 minutes ago, bodybuildMLY said:

 

My gaydar is beeping........he just need to comb his hair and all will be fine.😘  🥰 

Omg he's my type too! He's so hot omg omg omg *fanboy screaming*

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From my personal view, I think the best or most important in your 40s would be having achieved for having a bunch of gay friends and being in a circle of other gays.

 

And this should be next to a bf or relationship you have. Don't think the relationship will be sufficient to keep up with.

 

Your circle of gay friends may decrease over time but I find it very important for having people to spend leisure.

 

When you are younger, being the lonely wolf might be more common being a gay, but not when you age.

 

Don't go along alone, don't end up looking at your pink curtains in your room alone every day.

Keeping friendships and gay friendships around you is important for your state of mind, not falling into boredom or feeling alone.

Your parents, relatives, siblings won't make up and they can't offer you the understanding as gay friends.

 

Life is not just sex.

The more you advance in age, you need fellows around you.

 

Edited by singalion
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  • G_M changed the title to 40 & Single Discussion : Gay men over 45 far more likely to be single + How is gay life like after 40 years old & beyond (compiled)
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