What are the bondings in a long-running gay relationship?

[will7z]

I can think of 3 reasons to keep a gay couple together for many years, even in an open relationship, namely harmonious day to day life, common interests, and overlapping friends circle. Sexual desire is only essential in the first few years but quickly disappears, and it seems not bothering those couples at all.
 

What are the other bondings that you guys think can connect a long term gay couple? 

Edited July 12, 2021 by will7z

[Trvy]

Seeing the other person as your best friend. Knowing that he will be there to laugh at you with you and support you when you need it.

[Steve5380]

5 hours ago, will7z said:

I can think of 3 reasons to keep a gay couple together for many years, even in an open relationship, namely harmonious day to day life, common interests, and overlapping friends circle. Sexual desire is only essential in the first few years but quickly disappears, and it seems not bothering those couples at all.
 

What are the other bondings that you guys think can connect a long term gay couple? 

 

One good bonding is to find your partner to be an essential part of your life,  a life hard to imagine without him.  This includes an interest in the wellbeing of him.

[Guest Fatty]

Money. 

[NSA chinese]

A relationship is two ways and wouldn’t last if only one party tries hard to make it work. 
 

That said, no one is perfect and the 3 things I can think of that we should do our best in are:

 

1. foster open communication as a friend and confidante and that means being able to talk and share about anything and everything without judging,

2. make room for a lot of give and take, which also means looking the other way and closing a blind eye, turning a deaf ear when needed, and

3. take care of yourselves and each other physically, mentally and emotionally. 
 

At the end of it, appreciate all your times and moments with them because life is short and it would be over in a flash. 

Edited July 14, 2021 by NSA chinese

[Guest Wtf]

9 hours ago, will7z said:

I can think of 3 reasons to keep a gay couple together for many years, even in an open relationship, namely harmonious day to day life, common interests, and overlapping friends circle. Sexual desire is only essential in the first few years but quickly disappears, and it seems not bothering those couples at all.
 

What are the other bondings that you guys think can connect a long term gay couple? 

Errr, what about love? 

[mate69]

edited

Edited July 13, 2021 by mate69

[BudakFit]

Open relationship hell fucking CB no. Wasting my time and energy...don't make any sense....🖕

 

Monogamous 😱 yes!!! 👍👍👍 

 

Long lasting by giving space...weekly meet ups...monthly staycay and anniversary and one year time vacation can be cruise ship 🚢 or countries ✈️ and spice up sex by roleplay etc....sex toys....kinky fetish stuff...and outdoor on the go haha and also support each other fitness, hobbies....can be simple as go hiking etc...enjoy the sunset.....cooking baking together ...tapow makan sit moonlight....regardless of rain or shine....and so many...

 

Sex will never be boring if you know how to use it when where how situations haha your testosterone of course low if you don't do any fitness...as we age we still need our muscles to move...and we still can mantain our youth haha all you need is mindset motivation positivity don't give a kanina fuck whatever negativity shit you seen or heard...it is always you VS you at the end....

 

Whoever gets me as your BF or partner you are in for a damn good hot passionate fun time I ensure that haha but for now my heart is heal not yet for dating haha just friends first....I rather you see me in person n judge me head to toe or naked haha 

 

I know my soulmate is still out there and everyone else is....if you are there or read this haha do take a risk and see for yourself haha 

 

[Guest Wtf]

14 hours ago, BudakFit said:

Open relationship hell fucking CB no. Wasting my time and energy...don't make any sense....🖕

 

Monogamous 😱 yes!!! 👍👍👍 

 

Long lasting by giving space...weekly meet ups...monthly staycay and anniversary and one year time vacation can be cruise ship 🚢 or countries ✈️ and spice up sex by roleplay etc....sex toys....kinky fetish stuff...and outdoor on the go haha and also support each other fitness, hobbies....can be simple as go hiking etc...enjoy the sunset.....cooking baking together ...tapow makan sit moonlight....regardless of rain or shine....and so many...

 

Sex will never be boring if you know how to use it when where how situations haha your testosterone of course low if you don't do any fitness...as we age we still need our muscles to move...and we still can mantain our youth haha all you need is mindset motivation positivity don't give a kanina fuck whatever negativity shit you seen or heard...it is always you VS you at the end....

 

Whoever gets me as your BF or partner you are in for a damn good hot passionate fun time I ensure that haha but for now my heart is heal not yet for dating haha just friends first....I rather you see me in person n judge me head to toe or naked haha 

 

I know my soulmate is still out there and everyone else is....if you are there or read this haha do take a risk and see for yourself haha 

 

I admire your optimism that sex with the same person will never get boring  but please be prepared for the fact that most relationships won’t work out the way that you think - it’s not a bad thing, that’s just how life is. 

[BudakFit]

It will work if you find the right one brah. And it is not about how life is...haha either you loyal or not etc....if someone who is cheater or liar sure find that life is like that....

[Guest kaypoh]

6 hours ago, Guest Wtf said:

I admire your optimism that sex with the same person will never get boring  but please be prepared for the fact that most relationships won’t work out the way that you think - it’s not a bad thing, that’s just how life is. 

That Budak guy's definition of a relationship involves just meeting up "weekly".... presumably once weekly.

That is a very different sort of relationship to a couple who lives together in a full time relationship, is it not?

 

[BudakFit]

Weekly like 2-3 times a week inclusive one of the weekend. 

 

Maybe there is a difference situations in living together or separate. But still it doesn't means it won't work. 

 

[MaturedStocky]

Ive been with the same guy for 13 years and recently, we decided to "open" for a while to not get on eachother's nerve. After the lockdown ends in Malaysia, we both have 6 months to have other guys and pick up new tricks, and spice up our relationship. I think in gay relationships anything can happen as there is no rule really. So its entirely up to you. Open when both parties are aware is way better than we quietly cheating.

[will7z]

26 minutes ago, MaturedStocky said:

Ive been with the same guy for 13 years and recently, we decided to "open" for a while to not get on eachother's nerve. After the lockdown ends in Malaysia, we both have 6 months to have other guys and pick up new tricks, and spice up our relationship. I think in gay relationships anything can happen as there is no rule really. So its entirely up to you. Open when both parties are aware is way better than we quietly cheating.

 

13-year itself is quite an achievement. Do you mind sharing what are the most important factors in your own relationship?

[MaturedStocky]

1 minute ago, will7z said:

 

13-year itself is quite an achievement. Do you mind sharing what are the most important factors in your own relationship?

Er. I dunno how to explain. Before Covid, we dont really get to see eachother very often even though we stay together. He travel a lot for work, and my last job also require me to be away from home 2 weeks every month (working in Malaysia and Singapore or sometimes indo). This new job I'm also quite busy at work. So  I guess being apart from eachother often makes you miss that person more so always happy to see him when we finally get time together. Only now with Covid we spent too much time together and gets annoyed by eachother more.

We spend our time together mostly doing fun things like travelling. So everytime we're together we are quite happy I guess.

We fight but never get it become too big. Try not to fight to win, but fight to clear things up and get both parties to see what was wrong. My bf is generally not very expressive, he is the quiet type, so I learn to control myself when I get angry. U ask whether its really important or is it petty. so we give eachother space, then when youre all calm, you talk to eachother again but with less anger. Usually resolved better after that.

I think right now we are both 40+ and have become close companion. I dont think I can simply just leave because we are too used to eachother. And at 40+ u want to find new boyfriend? I have to be super hot for that. Who wants an old bottom when you can find 100s of hotter younger ones out there. Dating is tiring and is for the young. But now we are exploring the sex part lah. trying to be better. Being with the same guy for 13 years doesnt mean your sex gets better ya. So thats my story.

[MaturedStocky]

If you got chance, watch this Japanese gay drama Kinou Nani Tabeta? About 2 men in their 40s and the issues of their relationship. We are kind of like that, but not so passive la. My bf is also discreet and not out to his family and Im the more gay of the two, but we are comfortable with PDA at home and with friends. But I see a lot of ourselves in those two characters. And both of us cooks well so preparing a great dish for eachother is also a plus in our relationship.

[will7z]

11 minutes ago, MaturedStocky said:

If you got chance, watch this Japanese gay drama Kinou Nani Tabeta? About 2 men in their 40s and the issues of their relationship. We are kind of like that, but not so passive la. My bf is also discreet and not out to his family and Im the more gay of the two, but we are comfortable with PDA at home and with friends. But I see a lot of ourselves in those two characters. And both of us cooks well so preparing a great dish for eachother is also a plus in our relationship.

 

 

Thanks for sharing. It looks like a very warm, gay romantic drama. I can see a lot of mutual understanding and actions of love in the description of your daily life with partner. It reminds me of a famous novel quote, "All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way".    

[MaturedStocky]

Relationship takes work and no one is without mistakes of flaws. Not a disney movie or rom com. At some point you'll hit some rough patch so got to understand eachother more to see what's important and what is not important.

[sgboyboy]

seeking some advice here.

 

We've been together for 7 years. Last year due to some incident that happened, we kind of talk it out, and I noticed that the sex we had felt more like a "i just have to do it" then doing it out of love. I asked if something went wrong, and if he isn't in the mood to do it, we don't have to do it. But, his answer caught me by surprised. He may have lost his interest in me, and one of the reason is potentially me not having that hot bod that he love. 

 

As I really cherish our relationship, I mentioned if he is looking to have fun with someone else. He said maybe, but he is not sure. I told him since I'm unable to satisfy his desire, I cant stop him from doing that. 

 

Lately, a friend of mine told me that my bf started chatting with him late last year and met up twice for a meal. And eventually, they had fun as my bf requested for it. My friend apologise as both of them were drinking and it just happened. To be honest, I'm affected quite badly, but due to the situation, I'm not sure what should I do. Ask him about it, or just stay silent and close one eye so that our relationship can still continue? 

[Steve5380]

On 1/7/2022 at 7:57 PM, sgboyboy said:

 

seeking some advice here.

 

 

Are you afraid of losing him,  or are you hurt by his possible lack of "fidelity" ?

 

Put yourself in his place, and imagine what is he benefitting from the relationship, what would he lose by ending it.  This can give you confidence that if he has much to like in the relationship and much to lose if it ends,  there is little probability that you would lose him.

 

Now, about him losing you...  Are you very hurt if he wants to have more satisfying sex than he has with you?  Would you not allow him to have satisfying sex?   Have you consider that if he is dissatisfied with the relationship because he misses satisfying sex,  by allowing him to have it you could eliminate one important reason he would even think to end it, and instead he could feel thankful to you and more loving? 

 

Maybe you think that by allowing your bf to have sex with others,  he may fall in love with someone else?   Here it helps if you can know how much he loves you.   This is now an issue of LOVE,  that transcends the sexual aspect.  Seven years is a long time being together, and hopefully you share a lot of happy experiences together.  If he loves you, he is surely troubled by his desire of sex with someone else.   If you love him,  you don't want to impede him to have satisfying sex. 

 

Do you ever have desires for sex with someone else, but reject it out of the idea that it is not proper?

 

Open relationships are not for everyone, but if there is sufficient mutual love they can work very well, practically forever.   My advice is not to get rigid conventions of society restrict the possibilities in your relationship, which can be different from any other and which you can best evaluate,  with a positive mind.   I don't see anything wrong with talking with him about this.  You don't need to "stay silent and close one eye",  instead it is better to reach a situation where you accept how he is and he accepts how you are.   Mutual understanding and mutual compromising can lead to a good solution. 

.

Edited January 8, 2022 by Steve5380

[Guest Wtf]

On 1/8/2022 at 9:57 AM, sgboyboy said:

seeking some advice here.

 

We've been together for 7 years. Last year due to some incident that happened, we kind of talk it out, and I noticed that the sex we had felt more like a "i just have to do it" then doing it out of love. I asked if something went wrong, and if he isn't in the mood to do it, we don't have to do it. But, his answer caught me by surprised. He may have lost his interest in me, and one of the reason is potentially me not having that hot bod that he love. 

 

As I really cherish our relationship, I mentioned if he is looking to have fun with someone else. He said maybe, but he is not sure. I told him since I'm unable to satisfy his desire, I cant stop him from doing that. 

 

Lately, a friend of mine told me that my bf started chatting with him late last year and met up twice for a meal. And eventually, they had fun as my bf requested for it. My friend apologise as both of them were drinking and it just happened. To be honest, I'm affected quite badly, but due to the situation, I'm not sure what should I do. Ask him about it, or just stay silent and close one eye so that our relationship can still continue? 

staying silent is a bad idea, as is putting your partner’s interests always ahead of your own. If your relationship is going to be opened up. In an ideal world it is by mutual agreement and you stick to some basic rules - mutual friends being off limits would definitely be one of these.
 

There are two issues that are connected but not the same. 1) by his actions with your friend, your partner has not treated you with respect and you need to discuss this together and decide if you can stay with him. 2) if you stay together, you may or may not mutually agree to open up the relationship but this needs to be discussed and done in a way you both agree. 

[begleitung]

Woww, do open relationship actually works?

[mate69]

Acts of service

[mate69]

19 hours ago, begleitung said:

Woww, do open relationship actually works?

Yes

[Guest Shallow]

On 7/12/2021 at 10:16 PM, will7z said:

I can think of 3 reasons to keep a gay couple together for many years, even in an open relationship, namely harmonious day to day life, common interests, and overlapping friends circle. Sexual desire is only essential in the first few years but quickly disappears, and it seems not bothering those couples at all.
 

What are the other bondings that you guys think can connect a long term gay couple? 

Are u abit shallow to just confine it to gay relationship ? 

 

Straight one dont need to maint ?? siblings dont need ? friendship dont need to maint ?? 

 

[robin]

To make any type of relationship work, it is about a sincere heart and conscious effort to be interested in each other's lives. 

Edited February 24, 2023 by robin

[Guest Stefan]

Don't allow pain to rule your life. I can help you bring your gay partner or lesbsain partner back together.  
You can cast a spell on your lover, to make your dream come true. If your partner has been neglecting your relationship and has been treating you like a second option, it is time you made your partner prioritize you and your relationship.
Bring them back with new passion and love. No risk, Safe, private, and fast. Get help with love spells. Dm for help. Email: GreatAddo01@gmail.com    Whatsapp: 1-(516) 360-2979   Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550492700303&sk=about_privacy_and_legal_info

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest Stefan said:

Don't allow pain to rule your life. I can help you bring your gay partner or lesbian partner back together.  
You can cast a spell on your lover, to make your dream come true. If your partner has been neglecting your relationship and has been treating you like a second option, it is time you made your partner prioritize you and your relationship.
Bring them back with new passion and love. 

 

 

I second your advice,  based on my personal experience.

 

My partner of 21 years was the one with spirituality and feelings,  I was always kind of dull to feelings in favor of my "intellectual bullshit".  He surely sensed a sparsity of feelings on my part.  He also had some belief in witchcraft,  and I found here and there in hidden places some funny spells with my name on it, which I found cute. 

 

Somehow he took control of my heart and after he passed away I realized my intense love for him.  He was and still is the love of my life.  Could this be the result of the spells he casted on me?   My hardcore agnosticism is being challenged, and changing from "most of it is nonsense" to "everything is possible, since I am totally ignorant".   

[Sweetie Pie]

4 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

my "intellectual bullshit". 

4 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

since I am totally ignorant".   

 

SPOT ON!!!!!!

 

Would you like to consider starting a new topic "STEVE5380's confession of being OUT OF TOUCH".   It will draw a lot of interest and discussions. 

[Steve5380]

11 hours ago, Sweetie Pie said:

 

SPOT ON!!!!!!

 

Would you like to consider starting a new topic "STEVE5380's confession of being OUT OF TOUCH".   It will draw a lot of interest and discussions. 

 

I wish you the grace one day to recognize that YOU TOO are so blinded by your intellectual bullshit that you fail to see your total ignorance.  Be patient, this will come some day when you become a responsible  adult.   

[Guest Didn't get it.]

2 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

I wish you the grace one day to recognize that YOU TOO are so blinded by your intellectual bullshit that you fail to see your total ignorance.  Be patient, this will come some day when you become a responsible  adult.   

U admitted being unintellectual and ignorant. Sweetie Pie seconded your view politely and even gave u a suggestion to start a new thread. Did something being done wrong that u need to retaliate?

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Guest Didn't get it. said:

U admitted being unintellectual and ignorant. Sweetie Pie seconded your view politely and even gave u a suggestion to start a new thread. Did something being done wrong that u need to retaliate?

 

Retaliate?  NO.  I bear no grudge against @Sweetie Pie, who is sweet like so many pies.  I surely accept his statement that I value too much my intelligence while being ignorant.  Nothing special.  More than half the human race is in the same predicament.  How about you?  You also praise your high intelligence?

[Guest Lionsing]

On 9/21/2023 at 2:12 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

Retaliate?  NO.  I bear no grudge against @Sweetie Pie, who is sweet like so many pies.  I surely accept his statement that I value too much my intelligence while being ignorant.  Nothing special.  More than half the human race is in the same predicament.  How about you?  You also praise your high intelligence?

I just want to ask if anyone feels the same way

 

I feel that I am not of this era 
I do not belong in this timeline 
May be hundreds of years ago 
Even while growing up as a kid i used to have friends who were a lot older than I and my choices of songs and clothing belong to different timeframe 

 

But then i keep wondering what does my soul has to learn in this lifetime because I am still adjusting and asking myself why r the things the way they r

 

Cant share more details just that feeling that I am not from this timeline

[Steve5380]

21 minutes ago, Guest Lionsing said:

I just want to ask if anyone feels the same way

 

I feel that I am not of this era 
I do not belong in this timeline 
May be hundreds of years ago 
Even while growing up as a kid i used to have friends who were a lot older than I and my choices of songs and clothing belong to different timeframe 

 

But then i keep wondering what does my soul has to learn in this lifetime because I am still adjusting and asking myself why r the things the way they r

 

Cant share more details just that feeling that I am not from this timeline

 

I also feel this way sometimes, but I usually accept that I am alive TODAY,  no matter what TODAY is.  We can make our happiness regardless of "era".  My choice of music is from an era 200 years ago,  but I can get it all today.  Many of my clothes belong to a past era,  10, 20, 30 years ago, ha ha!  But they still fit me well. 

About our soul learning,  I'm sure that it can learn in any era.   And I don't think we will ever know why things are the way they are.  So be ignorant... and happy.