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Would you ever foresee yourself spending a romantic eternity with a "kiasi" person?


notd

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I think kiasi has varying levels of intensity, and it is subjective to individuals. Furthermore, kiasi is not to be confused with paranoia, which can sometimes be clinical or psychological in nature. 

 

The kind of kiasi I'm referring to are petty kiasi folks, who are constantly critical about the littlest things in life and cannot seem to take a break. These are the folks that will tell you things like...

 

"Ei, don't go workout under the sun so often ya. Later you catch cancer." or... "Don't drink soft drinks after 9PM ya, bad for the stomach."

 

Even... "Don't go the gym so often, later you injure yourself." 

 

In life, we all need to exhibit a level of prudence and caution in things. Be it a low or high-risk activity, we should fundamentally realize that there is a risk in everything. From something as harmless as drinking a glass of filtered/tap water to going out to get groceries in an endemic. Petty kiasi folks, in my opinion, are people who constantly live in the future and its uncertainty, and therefore deprive themselves of any ability to be present. 

 

A day lived is another day survived for them, and they fixate on the future to excessively though no one ever knows if we will get there anyway. They may sometimes even damage their own relationship as their tendency to be a buzzkill can upset people frequently to the point that it wears out their other half's love for them. 

 

By no means are these kiasi folks a fault of their own. I have some kiasi friends who developed this need to be overly cautious as form of defensive mechanism in life. Sometimes, this mindset arrives from the fear of being a burden to others. For those who harbor such thoughts, this is truly a saddening sight indeed. 

 

I can't stress this enough that kiasi is not to be confused with prudence or cautiousness, nor is it psychologically linked to any disorders. A paranoid person may be kiasi, but a kiasi person isn't inherently paranoid, but an overthinker who can't seem to catch a break. 

 

So back to main topic, would you foresee spending your entire life with a kiasi person? To me, I would love to have someone who wishes to prepare for the unknown, but not to the extent that they fixate on it and induce stress on themselves. I still prefer someone who is present at all times.  

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On 8/25/2021 at 9:07 PM, notd said:

The kind of kiasi I'm referring to are petty kiasi folks, who are constantly critical about the littlest things in life and cannot seem to take a break. These are the folks that will tell you things like...

 

"Ei, don't go workout under the sun so often ya. Later you catch cancer." or... "Don't drink soft drinks after 9PM ya, bad for the stomach."

 

Even... "Don't go the gym so often, later you injure yourself." 

 

 

Waaaa!!!!  Your eternal others is so caring.  I want!!!!

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On 8/25/2021 at 9:07 PM, notd said:

 

 

I think kiasi has varying levels of intensity, and it is subjective to individuals. Furthermore, kiasi is not to be confused with paranoia, which can sometimes be clinical or psychological in nature. 

 

The kind of kiasi I'm referring to are petty kiasi folks, who are constantly critical about the littlest things in life and cannot seem to take a break. These are the folks that will tell you things like...

 

"Ei, don't go workout under the sun so often ya. Later you catch cancer."

 

or... "Don't drink soft drinks after 9PM ya, bad for the stomach."

 

Even... "Don't go the gym so often, later you injure yourself." 

 

The way I see it, the three examples cited above could very well be simply a passing remark as a show of concern to you to take care, perhaps it's just that person's love language in expressing his love for you. Often, people who aren't innately romantic, overcompensates the way they think would be most efficient for them to show their love for the other person, not knowing that certain actions could rub off wrongly and come across as a idiosyncrasy, but it doesn't mean that the person doesn't love you.

It feels like an overbearing naggy motherly type of concern doesn't it? Mothers tend to go overboard with such remarks as well. Perhaps what you are bothered by is not kiasi mentality per se? 

 

In life, we all need to exhibit a level of prudence and caution in things. Be it a low or high-risk activity, we should fundamentally realize that there is a risk in everything. From something as harmless as drinking a glass of filtered/tap water to going out to get groceries in an endemic. Petty kiasi folks, in my opinion, are people who constantly live in the future and its uncertainty, and therefore deprive themselves of any ability to be present. 

 

The way I see this, to each his own. People have the right to their own opinions on how they would like to shape the narrative of the pandemic in shaping their decisions of personal safe guards. How is it for us to judge how they should choose to do what they think would be best for them if we are not standing a day in their shoes? If the person is your partner, what you could do is to emphatise, talk, understand, support and most importantly, WORK IT OUT. To simply place a relationship on a flippant notion that just due to one single aspect of this enormous spectrum of human behaviour which you do not agree with, could make you decide to end it or not being able to be there for the long haul is just lacking on the devotion required to carry a relationship further. 

What if one day you decide that the person is too critical, too busy, too spontaneous, too distant with your social circle, too anal retentive, too unromantic...would any of these reasons at anytime be singled out then to decide whether your partner is the one to go the length with?

 

A day lived is another day survived for them, and they fixate on the future to excessively though no one ever knows if we will get there anyway. They may sometimes even damage their own relationship as their tendency to be a buzzkill can upset people frequently to the point that it wears out their other half's love for them. 

 

By no means are these kiasi folks a fault of their own. I have some kiasi friends who developed this need to be overly cautious as form of defensive mechanism in life. Sometimes, this mindset arrives from the fear of being a burden to others. For those who harbor such thoughts, this is truly a saddening sight indeed. 

 

I can't stress this enough that kiasi is not to be confused with prudence or cautiousness, nor is it psychologically linked to any disorders. A paranoid person may be kiasi, but a kiasi person isn't inherently paranoid, but an overthinker who can't seem to catch a break. 

 

So back to main topic, would you foresee spending your entire life with a kiasi person? To me, I would love to have someone who wishes to prepare for the unknown, but not to the extent that they fixate on it and induce stress on themselves. I still prefer someone who is present at all times.  

 

Perhaps you should try to go back to the beginning of the relationship and try to recall why it started in the first place. That should bring back some perspectives for you. Everyone has mannerisms that their partners aren't going to agree with, everyone has behavioural issues that doesn't go down well with others. It's the partner's job to support them, to condition them, to be patient with them, and to stand with them and not against them. A relationship is not just about you alone, it about the both of you. Your partner could have learned to tolerate your idiosyncrasies better than you do his. 

 

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