Lending money to peers

[Guest Guest]

Hi I loan around $1k to an ex-colleague exactly a year ago. She begged me to help her as her landlord is chasing her out if she don’t pay up. So I decided to help her. She promised to return the next month, but every month she would say next month. Currently marks the 1 year anniversary. She has changed her number, blocked me on IG. Sometimes I hate myself for being so nice to people where people would take advantage of me like this. How do I let go in terms of feelings for this? I’m still hoping that one day she would return me the money. 

[Genesis]

Treat is as a lesson learn in life.

 

I lend  $50 to a colleague last year .Up to now ,haven't return to me. Keep saying no money and has family problems .

 

Hope the extra bonus in Jan 2022 can help him and he will return $50 to me

[Guest Try and see]

On 1/8/2022 at 12:03 AM, Guest Guest said:

Hi I loan around $1k to an ex-colleague exactly a year ago. She begged me to help her as her landlord is chasing her out if she don’t pay up. So I decided to help her. She promised to return the next month, but every month she would say next month. Currently marks the 1 year anniversary. She has changed her number, blocked me on IG. Sometimes I hate myself for being so nice to people where people would take advantage of me like this. How do I let go in terms of feelings for this? I’m still hoping that one day she would return me the money. 

 

Happened once to a good friend of mine. She lent a rather big sum of money to a mutual friend of ours. The guy never paid her back, and acted like he has forgotten about it. When he has a bit of money, he will splurge on unnecessary accessories for himself, but never paid her back anything.

She never confronted or asked him about it. I think mentally, she just wrote it off.

 

I guess that's how to deal with it. Otherwise you'll get very upset thinking about it.

 

But one way to get back at your friend would be to tell your mutual friends what she did to you. That's the best way to put pressure on your friend, and shame her for cheating you.

[fab]

On 1/8/2022 at 12:03 AM, Guest Guest said:

Hi I loan around $1k to an ex-colleague exactly a year ago. She begged me to help her as her landlord is chasing her out if she don’t pay up. So I decided to help her. She promised to return the next month, but every month she would say next month. Currently marks the 1 year anniversary. She has changed her number, blocked me on IG. Sometimes I hate myself for being so nice to people where people would take advantage of me like this. How do I let go in terms of feelings for this? I’m still hoping that one day she would return me the money. 

 

How long have you known her b4 u loan her?

[passinthenight]

We all have a story to tell.

 

when I was a teenager I lent a lot of money to a good friend who then, unfortunately, died in his sleep.

I was only 16(I worked paper rounds and delivered milk to earn that money).

I then told my mother and asked her 'what should I do'?

She said, to let it go and put it down to experience. It wouldn't look right to approach his family, asking for the money.

Two years later...... I won the exact same amount in a lottery win.

 

 So, to the thread starter, put it down to experience.

[aedirn]

yeah sadly, the only way is deal with it and move on. The money wont be back.

nowadays the maximum amount of money I lend out to anyone is $2.

any other amount i will say sorry, regardless who.

[Guest Guest]

Passinthenight we got the same story.This elderly told me even if u force him to pay he got no 💰 are u going to kill him and land yourself in prison.Just take it as a lesson and I won lottery  the following week with the same amount heaven return.

[Guest Try and see]

On 1/8/2022 at 2:51 PM, passinthenight said:

We all have a story to tell.

 

when I was a teenager I lent a lot of money to a good friend who then, unfortunately, died in his sleep.

I was only 16(I worked paper rounds and delivered milk to earn that money).

I then told my mother and asked her 'what should I do'?

She said, to let it go and put it down to experience. It wouldn't look right to approach his family, asking for the money.

Two years later...... I won the exact same amount in a lottery win.

 

 So, to the thread starter, put it down to experience.

 

On 1/9/2022 at 10:01 AM, Guest Guest said:

Passinthenight we got the same story.This elderly told me even if u force him to pay he got no 💰 are u going to kill him and land yourself in prison.Just take it as a lesson and I won lottery  the following week with the same amount heaven return.

 

Wow!! Seriously?!! 😱👏

[123ZZZ]

On 1/8/2022 at 2:51 PM, passinthenight said:

We all have a story to tell.

 

when I was a teenager I lent a lot of money to a good friend who then, unfortunately, died in his sleep.

I was only 16(I worked paper rounds and delivered milk to earn that money).

I then told my mother and asked her 'what should I do'?

She said, to let it go and put it down to experience. It wouldn't look right to approach his family, asking for the money.

Two years later...... I won the exact same amount in a lottery win.

 

 So, to the thread starter, put it down to experience.

Good for you

you did the right thing

blessings

[123ZZZ]

On 1/8/2022 at 12:03 AM, Guest Guest said:

Hi I loan around $1k to an ex-colleague exactly a year ago. She begged me to help her as her landlord is chasing her out if she don’t pay up. So I decided to help her. She promised to return the next month, but every month she would say next month. Currently marks the 1 year anniversary. She has changed her number, blocked me on IG. Sometimes I hate myself for being so nice to people where people would take advantage of me like this. How do I let go in terms of feelings for this? I’m still hoping that one day she would return me the money. 

Lending money is really difficult to get back, many bad experiences.

nowadays will immediately reject regardless of who or for what reason 

Unless immediate family 

[Guest its easy to say no]

i'll never lend money to colleague. if they ever ask, i will say "actually i wanted to borrow money from you le"

 

ask colleague to borrow from loan shark la. everyday they send sms etc. just go through any one.

 

if really desperate then ask them go do grab delivery.

 

never lend money. nobody will help u when u need money. they die is their problem la.

 

in the mean time, make sure u have 3 to 6 months of emergency fund.

[Guest Haiz]

Me too.. loan an ex-colleague about $200 and never gotten it back ever since.

 

Initially when i lend her she did return, and it was like $150. Then she asked me to lend her again, seeing that she had returned me previously so i lend her again, and after that she did return also.

 

And so this “lend and return” thing kept going until one day she said she had some financial difficulty and unable to pay me back so soon, i said no worry she can take her time to pay me. But the thing is, i waited for abt a year and no news from her. So i eventually asked her and then she said she has financial difficulty, just lost her job and is looking for another job plus she still need $$ to look after her mum who was being hospitalized. And so i didnt ask from her anymore after that. And despite that, she still want to borrow from me, which i reluctantly still lend it to her in e end..

 

Fast forward to today, its been almost 3 years now since i last lent her and she still hasnt returned me.. total amount was about $200. And i have already “let it go”, just take it that it was a “treat” from me to her, but never will i lend her anymore. And we have not contacted each other ever since until now. Guess its a lesson learnt yeah... 

[Guest Haiz]

Just to add on to my story above.. 

 

The first time i lend her was $150, which was considered quite a significant amt to me but i still lend her since its e first time and afterwards she did return me so e trust was there.

 

And then subsequently, she would ask for a smaller amount like $50, which was subsequently reduced to $20. But she kept asking me to lend her $20 like each month, cos she said she needed that money to top up her ez-link card, so i lent it to her. 
 

After a few times of borrowing and not returning, i have sort of “gave up on her” and didnt ask her for e money back. But who knows.. 1 year later, she contacted me again, to borrow money again.. i know i shouldnt have lent her, but i was kinda soft-hearted, listened to her “sob-stories” making me feel pitiful for her and since she asked me for only $20, so i agreed to lend her in e end..

 

But little did i know, all these “$20” though small but they eventually accumulate up to $200 over the years.. that was when i started to get a bit uptight and asked her for the money back, but to my dismay she went on saying her “sob stories” again and kept “promising she will return back to me one day”..

 

So i “foolishly” believed her.. also believe that she will return to me one day but who knows up till today no news from her. Guess she had already completely forgotten abt the fact she had borrowed e money from me, and i also never reminded her about it..

 

Anyway i just take it as a lesson learnt, money lost can still earn back, so just take that $200 as buying a lesson for me not to be so soft-hearted anymore and to lend ppl anymore. These days i dun lend ppl money also and im more careful with my money too..

 

so yup to the TS, all i can say is, treat it as a lesson learnt and dun make the same mistake again ya?? I know how it feels cause i been thru that also.. its ok when u fall down just pick urself up again.. we all make mistakes.. but most imptly we learn from it. So just treat that as an expensive lesson, but a good lesson too, and try not to be hopeful she will return to u. I would say, just give up that thought. Dont linger on it anymore otherwise u will feel even more upset. Just move on with life. Hopefully u’ll get better. Jia you!!

[InBangkok]

I was taught a very simple rule. Never lend money to a friend for you will most likely lose both the money and the friend. Like others I have broken that rule with a friend I believed I could trust. Not a large amount but not insignificant. Sure enough, the friend soon disappeared and the loan never repaid.

 

If you feel a need to lend money to anyone, do not regard it as a loan. Consider it purely as a gift that you will never see returned.

[nate42]

Depends on who the person is and what the situation is. If it is a small sum ($1k or less), I am okay to lend.  It is not the shirt off my back, so to speak.  Am not going to lose sleep over it if he doesn't return.  When I lend money, I will be prepared to not get it back.  

 

I have been in financial difficulties before.  So I empathise.  I take it as a good deed done.

[singalion]

On 1/8/2022 at 12:03 AM, Guest Guest said:

Hi I loan around $1k to an ex-colleague exactly a year ago. She begged me to help her as her landlord is chasing her out if she don’t pay up. So I decided to help her. She promised to return the next month, but every month she would say next month. Currently marks the 1 year anniversary. She has changed her number, blocked me on IG. Sometimes I hate myself for being so nice to people where people would take advantage of me like this. How do I let go in terms of feelings for this? I’m still hoping that one day she would return me the money. 

 

As to my knowledge there was a payment moratorium for rental payments, still valid last year, from that point of view the landlord could not have chased the tenant out.

Which means, she already made up a story to get money.

 

Do you know where she works?

 

Do you have the loan details in writing somewhere? Did she acknowledge the loan amount?

 

If yes, just seek help from a trustworthy debt collection company. Mostly when third parties are involved and "harass" them professionally, then they quickly pay. The more if they threaten to institute "garnishee" proceedings... as that would require to contact the employer...

I some instances the person will just turn to you and pay all back immediately.

 

In future never loan anything without writing and full details such as IC etc. . Best is: Just tell such people off from the start, give a good reason, why you can't. You parents are renovating their flat, your sister started some overseas studies and you are supporting her financially...

 

 

 

 

[singalion]

On 1/10/2022 at 1:37 AM, Guest Haiz said:

Me too.. loan an ex-colleague about $200 and never gotten it back ever since.

 

Initially when i lend her she did return, and it was like $150. Then she asked me to lend her again, seeing that she had returned me previously so i lend her again, and after that she did return also.

 

And so this “lend and return” thing kept going until one day she said she had some financial difficulty and unable to pay me back so soon, i said no worry she can take her time to pay me. But the thing is, i waited for abt a year and no news from her. So i eventually asked her and then she said she has financial difficulty, just lost her job and is looking for another job plus she still need $$ to look after her mum who was being hospitalized. And so i didnt ask from her anymore after that. And despite that, she still want to borrow from me, which i reluctantly still lend it to her in e end..

 

Fast forward to today, its been almost 3 years now since i last lent her and she still hasnt returned me.. total amount was about $200. And i have already “let it go”, just take it that it was a “treat” from me to her, but never will i lend her anymore. And we have not contacted each other ever since until now. Guess its a lesson learnt yeah... 

 

somebody who has good intentions would offer to repay even small amounts such as S$5 or 10.

Take all those surrounding stories with a huge pinch of salt, most of them are invented or fabricated.

 

If you have her contacts, you should not let her go so lightly...

Such people only learn the hard way.

 

Remind her, pass by and talk to her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Try and see]

On 1/10/2022 at 12:29 PM, InBangkok said:

I was taught a very simple rule. Never lend money to a friend for you will most likely lose both the money and the friend.

 

Also, take note of this additional fact:

 

If you decline lending money to a friend, be prepared to lose that friend too.

 

I'm not that old, but in my lifetime, I've had three friends (I'm not close to any of them, luckily) who cut me out of their lives after I politely declined lending them money.

One was my NS camp mate, and the other two were ex-school mates.

 

That's why I believe that a true friend would not borrow money from you, because when money comes into the picture, it stresses and spoils the friendship.

Even if the money has been returned, the friendship will feel weird and awkward, and would not seem "innocent" anymore.

[fab]

I rejected one friend who loss money in shares.

 

Another who loss his pocket money in gambling.

 

Another one wanted to buy branded goods.

 

Another one wanted to go holidays. 

[Guest Try and see]

On 1/11/2022 at 5:25 PM, fab said:

I rejected one friend who loss money in shares.

 

Another who loss his pocket money in gambling.

 

Another one wanted to buy branded goods.

 

Another one wanted to go holidays. 

 

Did they cut off ties with you after that, or they still continue to be your friend?

[fab]

On 1/11/2022 at 6:20 PM, Guest Try and see said:

 

Did they cut off ties with you after that, or they still continue to be your friend?

One.

 

The rest just drift apart over time.