Partner's 堂妹

[Guest 我是客人]

My partner has a close 堂妹

The 堂妹 is usually the initiator for catch up over a meal or a coffee or lunch/dinner at her place.

Since I knew the 堂妹, I usually just tag along for the above occasions if I am in the mood.

If we eat out the 堂哥 most often paid for the meals.

Since the pandemic the 堂妹 has no job and during conversation started evades eye contact with me.

All these years I felt the 堂妹 treated me just a 外人 and 钱 is the root cause of it.

 

if any of you have a similar experiences, do share on how you overcome the situation and any advice would be very welcome!

Best wishes for the new year to everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Guest]

you are affected cos you cant feel the warmth of the 堂妹 and wants her to treat you like a family member?

 

we cant please everyone, if she treat you like a 外人 then so be it.

 

you didn't do anything wrong. and i dun think you should let it affect you.

[fab]

On 1/10/2022 at 11:58 AM, Guest 我是客人 said:

My partner has a close 堂妹

The 堂妹 is usually the initiator for catch up over a meal or a coffee or lunch/dinner at her place.

Since I knew the 堂妹, I usually just tag along for the above occasions if I am in the mood.

If we eat out the 堂哥 most often paid for the meals.

Since the pandemic the 堂妹 has no job and during conversation started evades eye contact with me.

All these years I felt the 堂妹 treated me just a 外人 and 钱 is the root cause of it.

 

if any of you have a similar experiences, do share on how you overcome the situation and any advice would be very welcome!

Best wishes for the new year to everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

虽然姑嫂通常不合，妳可以尝试爱屋及乌。

[Guest Try and see]

Maybe the 堂妹 is homophobic, so she resents you for being her cousin's boyfriend?

Of course, her cousin is also gay, but blood is always thicker than water, so maybe to her, you are the one who "corrupted" her cousin?

 

If it's me, I would avoid going out with her. Of course your partner can meet her anytime, but just don't tag along.

You can't please everyone, so no need to put in special effort to make her happy or like you.

Just leave her alone.

Char bor very often like or hate people for no logical reason. So don't worry too much.

[doncoin]

First of all, this whole 堂妹/堂哥 relationship is just weird. Unless he is the godson of her parents or vice-versa, where they provide spiritual guidance etc. having such a title is just f--ked up. They are both going to be in each other's lives for a long time, as I assume that this relationship was established prior to you guys dating. Go find your own fruit fly to hang out with. Just don't become 堂妹/堂哥.  

[Guest Papaya]

You need to get straight with 堂妹，your status is 堂嫂，be more respectful.

[Guest 我是客人]

On 1/11/2022 at 3:50 AM, Guest Papaya said:

You need to get straight with 堂妹，your status is 堂嫂，be more respectful.

 

haha.

 

Not sure if the 堂妹 is homophobic or not because her ex-husband is also a PLU couple and she doesn't get along well with 堂嫂 of both sides.

The 堂妹/堂哥 relationship was already established prior our relationship.

The 堂妹 is half 華人 sometimes these 華人 are still quite tribal even in this day and age so since I've known the 堂妹 the only thing she interested and asked about me was what's my Chinese dialect told her me is 閩人 so over the years, I started to understand that the 堂妹 other half seems 廣東人from the way she praised the cuisine. I'm not entirely sure if the differences affected the way how I feel being treated as 外人.

I've been making a lot of special effort just to be accepted as part of my partner's family but the 堂妹 seems very hard to please. Maybe I should stop tagged along even I don't come when invited also the 堂妹 didn't care or ask.