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Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?


greg01greg

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My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

 

 

 

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I do agree with you to a certain extent.

 

Some people need that whip to wake them up because they aren't sensitive to cues or subtle feedback. 

 

On the other hand, those who are able to understand gentle feedback may not be able to accept harsh or straightforward words. For these group, just tell them nicely and they will and should understand what to do next. 

 

So, it will vary from one situation to another.

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  • G_M changed the title to Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?
On 3/17/2022 at 12:16 PM, bodybuildMLY said:

I do agree with you to a certain extent.

 

Some people need that whip to wake them up because they aren't sensitive to cues or subtle feedback. 

 

On the other hand, those who are able to understand gentle feedback may not be able to accept harsh or straightforward words. For these group, just tell them nicely and they will and should understand what to do next. 

 

So, it will vary from one situation to another.

yes, I agree with you 

sadly, I'm not build to be nice all the time... 

so I guess I am the bad cop hey

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On 3/17/2022 at 12:40 PM, greg01greg said:

what happen to "you do you.." and "you be you"?

I cannot fake myself to please someone.. 

 

 

It's not about being fake. It's about you not putting your emotions in the words.

 

Instead of "you are so stupid, simple things like this also don't know",

you can say, "It is not that difficult, I am sure with you will be able to do it"

 

There is no need to hurt the person with hash words.

You just need to learn to remove emotional words that are directed at the person but instead choose using positive assuring words that motivate instead of "lecturing /scolding" them with it.

 

 

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On 3/17/2022 at 1:15 PM, GachiMuchi said:

 

 

You biggest problem with you is the lack of EQ.

You get irritated when you see things don't go "your way" and your self-righteousness will take over and tell it as it is to these people.

You are being label as "rude, full of attitude, angst," all are emotional traits.  If you are able to control your emotions and instead being critical and lambast at a person, you would be considered a good adviser or mentor instead of the bad rap you are getting.

From what I can analyse from above post :
your negative character attributes would be; impatience, stubborn, self absorbed, self righteous, emotional, temperamental, irritable....

your positive character attributes would be; loving, caring, helpful, intelligent, forgiving,...

 

Many times, you are misunderstood. You wants to help, but because of you lack of EQ there of, you blast at the person saying things like; "simple things like this also don't know". To you, you are trying to be honest and helpful, but to others, you are considered rude and thinks highly of yourself, as if you know it all.

 

Here a some things for you to ponder.
1. Don't waste your breath on people who don't appreciate your help.

2. Help those who asked you for help, but remember, they asked you because they know can help. So don't need to be hash to those who seek you out for help.

3. Let go of your past. understand that you may have a difficult past, but that past don't define you.

4. Let go of your anger and frustration if any and be at peace with yourself.

5. Learn to use your EQ to speak, minus the emotional outburst.

6. Learn to control your emotions and not let it control you.

 

I'm a scorpio.. can't help it.. love me or hate me.. 

yes I see my impatience , stubbornness and the negative traits as my downfall

everyday we learn to better ourselves 

thank you and I do value your input :)

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Guest ffffffff
On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

 

 

 

I approve of your actions. Some people need to be told point blank that they are an ass. These people have no qualms stepping on others. So don't give them face.

 

Doing that don't make you a bad person. You get a bad rep from those you've told off.  And why should it matter. 

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On 3/17/2022 at 1:21 PM, GachiMuchi said:

 

It's not about being fake. It's about you not putting your emotions in the words.

 

Instead of "you are so stupid, simple things like this also don't know",

you can say, "It is not that difficult, I am sure with you will be able to do it"

 

There is no need to hurt the person with hash words.

You just need to learn to remove emotional words that are directed at the person but instead choose using positive assuring words that motivate instead of "lecturing /scolding" them with it.

 

 

I always start by saying "no offence" guess its just my way for trying not to offend anyone? but really - you were spot on - on reading me..

Edited by greg01greg
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First or new offenders, be gentle with love.

 

Repeat or stubborn offenders, be firm but cordial. 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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On 3/17/2022 at 1:15 PM, GachiMuchi said:

Here a some things for you to ponder.
1. Don't waste your breath on people who don't appreciate your help.

2. Help those who asked you for help, but remember, they asked you because they know can help. So don't need to be hash to those who seek you out for help.

3. Let go of your past. understand that you may have a difficult past, but that past don't define you.

4. Let go of your anger and frustration if any and be at peace with yourself.

5. Learn to use your EQ to speak, minus the emotional outburst.

6. Learn to control your emotions and not let it control you.

 

 

I should learn from this too.

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Guest Guest
On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

It is for other people to lead their lives the way they want, so it is not for you to tell them your version of the "truth".

 

If you think about it, even judges can misjudge cases after viewing all the evidences, so what makes you think that your version of the "truth" is really true? What is "true" to you may be "false" to others under a completely different context, which you may not even see.

 

For instance, you recently put up your opinion in the pet-owners vs Gojek driver case, siding with the Gojek driver. After all the arguments stacked against the driver in support of the pet-owners, are you sure your version of the "truth" still stands? Remember how you had expected the pet-owners to be "gracious" in their retort to the driver, when in fact it was the driver who was behaving so rudely first?

 

Share your opinion, but only to those whom you care about, because other people may not care for your opinion and just view you as a busybody. But even then, when you share your opinion with those whom you care about, bear in mind your "truth" may be wrong.

 

Long story short: better not say anything, unless it is to someone whom you care about, or about something which may affect you and/or your work directly. But even then, keep an open mind and don't impose your version of the "truth" on everyone because you may be wrong.

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On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

I would say it depends on the situation.

 

A good example is extramarital affairs.

For some people honesty will work, for others it doesn't work at all and destroys everything.

It depends on the relationship or partner.

 

Probably everyone will be once in a situation where while being in a relationship to a guy / girl cheated his / her partner.

On how to handle such situation is a difficult question. There is no absolute immediate answer.

It is a difficult line to walk.

I assume most people will keep quiet to safe their relationship.

 

If you keep quiet the issue comes when your partner is told or discovers.

In that point mostly honestly will serve better instead of denying.

 

For other scenarios it would relate whether your part of what you mean is the truth or the thing that happened is that what the other confirms also.

Often we think our view was correct and act accordingly, brush off any other views.

When you're honest , then it actually feels like an attack or insult to the other. (Because the other party did not see it the way you did but totally different).

 

For example: You went to a restaurant, you liked the service, maybe even the looks of the waiter. You give a 5 dollar tip on top of the bill.

You think, you were generous, but your partner didn't see it as generous. He saw it that you were blinded by the cute looks of the waiter.

In the cab home, you say to your partner, that you wanted to be generous. He will tell you that your motive was just by the cute look of the guy.

 

 

On your reporting that you father gave you the cane whenever you messed up things.

After such a lapse of time you can surely be honest to your father and tell him that you felt treated unfairly.

I think he is old enough to understand.

Maybe he might even regret having treated you that way.

He might be happy if you open the topic.

I don't think it will cause stress to both of you.

As long as you don't somehow raise your voice or come too aggressive to him on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by singalion
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On 3/17/2022 at 1:15 PM, GachiMuchi said:

 

 

You biggest problem with you is the lack of EQ.

You get irritated when you see things don't go "your way" and your self-righteousness will take over and tell it as it is to these people.

You are being label as "rude, full of attitude, angst," all are emotional traits.  If you are able to control your emotions and instead being critical and lambast at a person, you would be considered a good adviser or mentor instead of the bad rap you are getting.

From what I can analyse from above post :
your negative character attributes would be; impatience, stubborn, self absorbed, self righteous, emotional, temperamental, irritable....

your positive character attributes would be; loving, caring, helpful, intelligent, forgiving,...

 

Many times, you are misunderstood. You wants to help, but because of you lack of EQ there of, you blast at the person saying things like; "simple things like this also don't know". To you, you are trying to be honest and helpful, but to others, you are considered rude and thinks highly of yourself, as if you know it all.

 

Here a some things for you to ponder.
1. Don't waste your breath on people who don't appreciate your help.

2. Help those who asked you for help, but remember, they asked you because they know can help. So don't need to be hash to those who seek you out for help.

3. Let go of your past. understand that you may have a difficult past, but that past don't define you.

4. Let go of your anger and frustration if any and be at peace with yourself.

5. Learn to use your EQ to speak, minus the emotional outburst.

6. Learn to control your emotions and not let it control you.

 

 

I think you just described yourself.

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On 3/17/2022 at 2:24 PM, Guest ffffffff said:

All those who posted things like let go of the past and be firm etc don't necessarily practice what they preach. 

 

They may be the ones to antagonize others first.

 

Probably it is more a thing on how to overcome past (more the negative past).

You cling on too long on the negative past it will turn out to be a vicious cycle and you don't escape the bad moment.

 

We surely all met these gay friends who stick for years on their broken relationship instead of just letting go, they still thinking they can salvage their relationship after years it has ended.

You can even give them a kick into their ass but next time they will still tell you how much they miss their ex and even come with the latest news on their ex instead of focusing on either going on single or trying to find a new bf.

 

The thing what you should do after some time is a self reflection why your relationship broke and what you have contributed to the break up.

 

But please let the past go and move on to something new...

 

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most of the time my friends come to me for my 2 cents worth. 

some will take my advice, some will just ignore but they would come back to me again and I have to have the "I told you so" talk with them..

while some just decide to cut ties with me

I won't lose sleep for losing a friend 

 

 

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On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

 

 

 


a) how do you know that your perspective is the ‘truth’? Who made you the arbiter of right and wrong? 
b) how do you react when people tell you whatever they think you need to hear? 
c) there is a difference between being honest and being unnecessarily rude. Someone asks for your advice? Guve it freely and honestly. Someone is doing something reckless that might put them or someone else is danger? Tell them. Someone is being a bully? Speak up.  If it is something other than those situations, you might want to consider whether you are really being honest or just being rude.  

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On 3/17/2022 at 2:39 PM, Guest Guest said:

 

I think you just described yourself.

 

You are correct.

 

On 3/17/2022 at 3:08 PM, greg01greg said:

most of the time my friends come to me for my 2 cents worth. 

some will take my advice, some will just ignore but they would come back to me again and I have to have the "I told you so" talk with them..

while some just decide to cut ties with me

I won't lose sleep for losing a friend

 

 

I am speaking from someone who was like you. What you wrote was exactly what I had gone through.  Just to share my growth and 2 cents

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On 3/17/2022 at 3:54 PM, GachiMuchi said:

 

You are correct.

 

 

I am speaking from someone who was like you. What you wrote was exactly what I had gone through.  Just to share my growth and 2 cents

it's going to be a long way for me to adjust, I had a tough upbringing and overtime it hardened me.. every time I take a step forward I get hit with 3 step back.. 

yes I do, just recently learn how to compose myself, step back breathe and walk away, it was only 2 years ago, I go to my father's grave weekly to seek solace and peace.. yes the cemetery is the place where I actually find inner peace 

I will try but I dont think im able to coddle someone just to make them want to hear what they want to hear...

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On 3/17/2022 at 4:07 PM, greg01greg said:

it's going to be a long way for me to adjust, I had a tough upbringing and overtime it hardened me.. every time I take a step forward I get hit with 3 step back.. 

yes I do, just recently learn how to compose myself, step back breathe and walk away, it was only 2 years ago, I go to my father's grave weekly to seek solace and peace.. yes the cemetery is the place where I actually find inner peace 

I will try but I dont think im able to coddle someone just to make them want to hear what they want to hear...

 

It's not easy, it took me years to  and I am still learning to master my temper. There was a lot of anger in me and I easily let out my anger at people, even love ones.

 

Many years ago, when I was living with my parents, I remember having a heated argument with my mom over very mundane things and although I love her a lot, I can't helped myself when my temper got the better of me. During my argument with her, I felt that I had an out-of- body experience and seeing myself arguing with my mom. I realised it and when I got back my senses,  I stop arguing and went to my room. It was then i realised that I had to move out because no matter how much I love my parents, I will not be able to control my temper and will hurt them whenever I argue with them. My actions, hurt my mom she gave me a year long cold shoulder. 

Time heal all wounds. so eventually, we reconcile over time. Sadly, she is no longer around, but I was glad that I did get to say that I was sorry and also my goodbye to her before she passed.

 

You can also see in the Flaming Room past posts of my arguments with guests, and members So, It's not going to be an easy. Some things are hard to change, but one can try.

 

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On 3/17/2022 at 4:30 PM, GachiMuchi said:

  

 

It's not easy, it took me years to  and I am still learning to master my temper. There was a lot of anger in me and I easily let out my anger at people, even love ones.

 

Many years ago, when I was living with my parents, I remember having a heated argument with my mom over very mundane things and although I love her a lot, I can't helped myself when my temper got the better of me. During my argument with her, I felt that I had an out-of- body experience and seeing myself arguing with my mom. I realised it and when I got back my senses,  I stop arguing and went to my room. It was then i realised that I had to move out because no matter how much I love my parents, I will not be able to control my temper and will hurt them whenever I argue with them. My actions, hurt my mom she gave me a year long cold shoulder. 

Time heal all wounds. so eventually, we reconcile over time. Sadly, she is no longer around, but I was glad that I did get to say that I was sorry and also my goodbye to her before she passed.

 

You can also see in the Flaming Room past posts of my arguments with guests, and members So, It's not going to be an easy. Some things are hard to change, but one can try.

 

I do understand where you're coming from. 

I do admit I need anger management.. if fact I did attend an anger management class in Sydney.. so whenever I get out of control, I shift my anger to baking.. 

when I start baking ppl who know me will try to stay away from me.. because im just like a time ticking bomb.. 

 

im sorry for your loss.. im glad you got closure.. 

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On 3/17/2022 at 5:16 PM, greg01greg said:

I do understand where you're coming from. 

I do admit I need anger management.. if fact I did attend an anger management class in Sydney.. so whenever I get out of control, I shift my anger to baking.. 

when I start baking ppl who know me will try to stay away from me.. because im just like a time ticking bomb.. 

 

im sorry for your loss.. im glad you got closure.. 

 

Better you do before you run into some trouble.

 

The question would be whether you caused the 'tough upbringing" by yourself by your own behaviour or you were forced into it. (Just to ask yourself).

 

As you are gay, I think you know what hostility means and people standing against you.

You should take lessons from there for your own life.

What I mean is, you (hopefully) built your pride on who you are and what you are. If not you should starting to work on it. 

Many gays built their strengths on that basis and a belief to trust in your own abilities.

I think this is also one of the reasons why there are so many extremely creative gay people around.

We just intend to show it to others that "We Can do!"

 

But anger management is very important for plenty of situations. (work, family, bf...)

Yes, it is not always easy to overcome the situation, but often a "let go" policy is helpful.

Being in a stable relationship may help also , when there is someone who can "turn you back to senses." 

And in his own interest, confronts you with your own flaws.

Next time his look will tell you already before you even burst... "oops, cool down..."

 

On a personal note: I don't think you should expose too much from yourself here at BW.

Not all come with a friendly attitude.

 

 

 

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On 3/17/2022 at 6:30 PM, singalion said:

 

Better you do before you run into some trouble.

 

The question would be whether you caused the 'tough upbringing" by yourself by your own behaviour or you were forced into it. (Just to ask yourself).

 

As you are gay, I think you know what hostility means and people standing against you.

You should take lessons from there for your own life.

What I mean is, you (hopefully) built your pride on who you are and what you are. If not you should starting to work on it. 

Many gays built their strengths on that basis and a belief to trust in your own abilities.

I think this is also one of the reasons why there are so many extremely creative gay people around.

We just intend to show it to others that "We Can do!"

 

But anger management is very important for plenty of situations. (work, family, bf...)

Yes, it is not always easy to overcome the situation, but often a "let go" policy is helpful.

Being in a stable relationship may help also , when there is someone who can "turn you back to senses." 

And in his own interest, confronts you with your own flaws.

Next time his look will tell you already before you even burst... "oops, cool down..."

 

On a personal note: I don't think you should expose too much from yourself here at BW.

Not all come with a friendly attitude.

 

 

 

Honestly i don’t know what you’re trying to get at. 
But thank you for your input. 

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On 3/17/2022 at 1:53 PM, fab said:

First or new offenders, be gentle with love.

 

Repeat or stubborn offenders, be firm but cordial. 

Poisonous offenders? 

Good to leave them alone.

 

Sadly, many will eventually suffer from their own "poison" - namely, emotional upheaval, mental anguish, and a saddened heart.

Edited by yuquidam
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On 3/22/2022 at 3:52 PM, yuquidam said:

Poisonous offenders? 

Good to leave them alone.

 

Sadly, many will eventually  "run fire enter monster" and suffer from their own "poison" - namely, emotional upheaval, mental anguish, and a saddened heart.

 

In such cases, when u can't beat them,  don't join them but leave them, alone.  

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Guest ffffffff

Somw like to pretend to be good persons but will throw the first stone at people that have not even offended them.

 

Be a thief but say someone else is a thief. Brilliant.

Don't forget there's always retribution.

 

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On 3/17/2022 at 2:10 PM, yhtang said:

 

I should learn from this too.

So do i

 

On 3/17/2022 at 1:15 PM, GachiMuchi said:

Here a some things for you to ponder.
1. Don't waste your breath on people who don't appreciate your help.

2. Help those who asked you for help, but remember, they asked you because they know can help. So don't need to be hash to those who seek you out for help.

3. Let go of your past. understand that you may have a difficult past, but that past don't define you.

4. Let go of your anger and frustration if any and be at peace with yourself.

5. Learn to use your EQ to speak, minus the emotional outburst.

6. Learn to control your emotions and not let it control you.

 

 

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Guest ffffffff

It's disingenuous to preach about forgiving if one is making character assassinations on someone's behalf. 

 

Dark deeds will soon see the light

 True character will be exposed. 

When you realize it's not worth fighting other people's battles. It may be too late.

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On 3/17/2022 at 4:30 PM, GachiMuchi said:

  

 

It's not easy, it took me years to  and I am still learning to master my temper. There was a lot of anger in me and I easily let out my anger at people, even love ones.

 

Many years ago, when I was living with my parents, I remember having a heated argument with my mom over very mundane things and although I love her a lot, I can't helped myself when my temper got the better of me. During my argument with her, I felt that I had an out-of- body experience and seeing myself arguing with my mom. I realised it and when I got back my senses,  I stop arguing and went to my room. It was then i realised that I had to move out because no matter how much I love my parents, I will not be able to control my temper and will hurt them whenever I argue with them. My actions, hurt my mom she gave me a year long cold shoulder. 

Time heal all wounds. so eventually, we reconcile over time. Sadly, she is no longer around, but I was glad that I did get to say that I was sorry and also my goodbye to her before she passed.

 

You can also see in the Flaming Room past posts of my arguments with guests, and members So, It's not going to be an easy. Some things are hard to change, but one can try.

 

Just got to reflect over so much that's been shared here .

 

Thank you for sharing. It makes those of us who are similarly struggling feel that we're not alone.

 

Am very very sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. Glad that there was reconciliation before she passed on. 

 

And thanks to greg01greg for opening up this topic and shared so frankly.

Edited by yuquidam
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On 3/22/2022 at 8:19 PM, yuquidam said:

Just got to reflect over so much that's been shared here .

 

Thank you for sharing. It makes those of us who are similarly struggling feel that we're not alone.

 

Am very very sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. Glad that there was reconciliation before she passed on. 

 

And thanks to greg01greg for opening up this topic and shared so frankly.

thank you for mentioning. I just wanted to share because theres so many ppl like me who are misunderstood. I'm not an angry person all the time.. I dont like to muck around.. 

for those who can't deal with me, tough.. I dont have to apologise to stupidity... 

Edited by greg01greg
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On 3/23/2022 at 11:41 AM, greg01greg said:

thank you for mentioning. I just wanted to share because theres so many ppl like me who are misunderstood. I'm not an angry person all the time.. I dont like to muck around.. 

for those who can't deal with me, tough.. I dont have to apologise to stupidity... 


for someone who doesn’t care what people think, you seem to spend a lot of time starting threads and justifying yourself on here. 

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On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

 

 

 

U live this old to still believe Honesty is the best policy ?? 

My oh My - poor thing 

Ok lah today I enlighten you , Discretion is the best policy 

If my sister wear a dress and look fat, I will tell her 
If the same is my lady boss - u decide lor , and maybe by that you will comprehend what is called DISCRETION is the best policy 

 

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On 3/23/2022 at 12:39 PM, greg01greg said:

mmmm... and so? you have a problem with that? 


no problem, just surprised that you can’t see how much you actually do care what people think. 

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On 3/23/2022 at 5:50 PM, Guest Wtf said:


no problem, just surprised that you can’t see how much you actually do care what people think. 

ok.. say if I dont care - what would be your reaction then?

obviously - you signed as a "guest" trolling on ppl here posting threads for your own self motivation?

but please tell me I'm wrong

but please enlighten me why you think I dont care? do you know me? have I offended you somehow?

im not here trying to make amends, im not here to seek approval or to justify myself.. 

im just here sharing my thoughts.. 

 

still -  I dont get why you seem to care about why ppl post threads here.. 

so at this moment I do have plenty of time to spend on this forum.. 

 

are you still surprised?

I am surprised to have a stranger telling me that I am spending a lot of my own time creating threads... 

Edited by greg01greg
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On 3/17/2022 at 12:15 AM, GachiMuchi said:

 

Many times, you are misunderstood. You wants to help, but because of you lack of EQ there of, you blast at the person saying things like; "simple things like this also don't know". To you, you are trying to be honest and helpful, but to others, you are considered rude and thinks highly of yourself, as if you know it all.

 

 

It seems that we share in the way we are treated sometimes.  But with time we realize that it is not ourselves who are (mis)treated, but it is the person we project to be or are interpreted to be.

 

On 3/17/2022 at 3:30 AM, GachiMuchi said:

  

It's not easy, it took me years to  and I am still learning to master my temper. There was a lot of anger in me and I easily let out my anger at people, even love ones.

 

 

What is commendable is that you found your way out the feelings of anger.

 

My shortcoming has been a little different:  I have felt little anger,  my life as I can remember has been free of major fights,  and never with my family.  I have not been seriously defeated in ugly ways which could result in hate for anyone.  Yet I have cultivated my defenses and developed a thick skin.  Therefore I am not always aware of how others may feel from some of my stronger writing that I feel is perfectly fine.  I would not call this a lack of EQ,  because I developed a lot of empathy from grieving over beloved people I lost recently.   It is more of ignorance about how the other person may feel, react.  It may be that the style I am used to is not appropriate for an Asian audience.  Therefore I have started to avoid replying to intentional confrontations and attacks.  As you said,  it is not easy and it takes time,  but it is worth.

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Guest Don’t Confuse

Simple answer. Honesty IS the best policy - unless we think by being honest we might hurt someone and their feelings. If asked a question whose answer might hurt the person, I will just find a simple way to avoid a direct answer. I will not lie and I will not evade the truth.

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On 3/25/2022 at 6:11 PM, Guest Don’t Confuse said:

Simple answer. Honesty IS the best policy - unless we think by being honest we might hurt someone and their feelings. If asked a question whose answer might hurt the person, I will just find a simple way to avoid a direct answer. I will not lie and I will not evade the truth.

There you go 

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Guest Guest
On 3/25/2022 at 6:11 PM, Guest Don’t Confuse said:

Simple answer. Honesty IS the best policy - unless we think by being honest we might hurt someone and their feelings. If asked a question whose answer might hurt the person, I will just find a simple way to avoid a direct answer. I will not lie and I will not evade the truth.

 

Didn't you read the starting post? 

 

On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

So, to Guest Don’t Confuse, based on what you yourself have said "Honesty IS the best policy - unless we think by being honest we might hurt someone and their feelings", don't you think TS should just STFU since he doesn't even have the emotional maturity to gage if he, in your own words, "might hurt someone and their feelings" "? 

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On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

 

1. If speaking “the truth” did not somehow lighten with the situation, then i can only assume “that truth” wasn’t very well communicated (or, at least we can agree the chosen course of action wasn’t leading you to the solution). 

 

 

2. Often, people exercise their “freedom of speech/ speaking the truth”, just so they could offset their risk of offending other people. 

 

They dress their judgement (uncalled comments/ snide remarks/ unnecessary criticisms) up as “the truth”, with the pretense that they are doing god’s work/ for the greater good.

 

 

On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

“Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said." - Voltaire

———

 

P/S: I am not saying that TS is doing all this with a bad intention or on purpose. However, I think it’s always good to be aware that we (to a certain degree) are accountable for what we do & say— and only then, we would be mindful of our output. 

 

(pls do not take the above pointers as if I’m pissing on you. I sincerely hope that you would at least entertain them as just some food-for-thoughts)

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Am really not an expert in this.

 

But based on my own struggles, I tend to believe that, generally, most times good to tell the person honestly if it's out of care and concern.

 

But there is a difference between being forthright and being blunt. To be honest need not necessarily be blunt.

 

Depending on the goal of being honest, most times (NOT always) being not blunt is more effective and receptive to the other party.

 

Also, blunt comments tend to come from one who is less patient and short-fused, like myself.

 

Yet again, there are situations that might not be good to be honest at times.

 

One example is when someone is very ill and his loved one has just passed on suddenly.

 

It is a tough call to be honest as the truth would trigger his health to go south irreversibly according to the doctors.

 

Just sharing some thoughts.

Edited by yuquidam
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  • 1 year later...
Guest Wonderguy
On 3/17/2022 at 12:12 PM, greg01greg said:

My late father would cane me whenever I messed things up. Life is never fair he told me.

I am straightforward, I don't mess around, I tell it how it is but others see me as rude, full of attitude with angst. 

I end up being the bad guy for telling ppl off because some ppl need to hear the truth. 

But don't you think you're being selfish because you think it's all about you and protecting your feelings. 

 

At some point someone will tell you that you need to wake up and the training wheels need to go.

 

If you're an adult, you engage yourself in an adult situation, someone cannot be explaining to you like you're a 3yo.

 

Honesty is the best policy or it's just better not say anything?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The answer to this question may vary depending on the situation and the potential consequences of being honest or not. In general, honesty is considered a valuable trait and often leads to better outcomes in the long run, as it fosters trust and transparency in relationships and interactions.

 

However, there may be situations where being completely honest could cause harm or unnecessary conflict. In such cases, it may be better to exercise discretion and choose the right words carefully, without lying or being deceitful.

 

Ultimately, the decision of whether to be completely honest or to remain silent depends on the specific situation, the potential consequences of both options, and one's personal values and principles. It is important to weigh the pros and cons carefully and make a decision that aligns with one's ethical beliefs and moral values

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Truths are mostly brutal. 

 

When you claimed to be a straight-forward or speak-your-mind kind of person, you are most probably a self-centred asshole, who has no concern or doesn't take into consideration how your listener feels. 

 

You assume being upfront or tell-the-truth is a virtue and when you hurt someone in the process, they should forgive you because you claimed to be that kind of person. You are so very wrong. 

 

We have some keyboard warriors in this forum who loves to comment on all things and criticise in the name of telling the truth. Are they well like or appreciated over here? I guess hiding behind the keyboard has no repercussion. 

 

It takes a good up bringing to know when and how to speak appropriately. 

 

Personally, I am against telling the truth all the time. Especially when you are around those who are closest to you. The closer you are, the more you should exercise constraint. I am not advocating lies. But exercise some form of restraint in order to maintain a good healthy relationship. 

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