Mid Life Crisis

[cowie]

Do you guys experience the mid life crisis? At last 30s - early 40s. Feel like giving up your work and do something else, be more yourself and want to spend more times for yourself? How do you overcome this feeling?

[LordSnoftyNopby]

It's not particularly easy. For me, I took up running. It clears my mind and stress for the day. It doesn't always work but it was a pretty good idea. Also do re-evaluate your goals at this point. Maybe it really has changed and you do want to move on to focus on something you really wanted to do. Life is short after all. That recurring feeling will keep coming at you until are either ready to make peace with your choices in life or suppress it thru sheer will and kick the can further down the road.

[Thatguy642]

It’s easy to fall into a routine that might have in the past maybe brought us closer to where we wanted to be, but we change all the time as we live and learn.

 

It’s important to realize that you are more capable of making changes in your life than you think. Some changes require big sacrifices, but sometimes the reward is even bigger. We all deserve to live a life that we’re happy about, and we owe it to ourselves to do the things we wish to do and to go where we want to go.

 

I think it’s time to ask yourself where you want to be in 3-5 years and start going towards that. Small steps are still steps and they count.

[ChFitBbBtm]

..

Edited May 23, 2022 by ChFitBbBtm

[mith]

i am/was not sure if it was mid life crisis... at 42, i quitted my job, and then decided to retire. hasn't work a day since.

 

now its been 8 years+ already... i spent the last 8 yrs finding myself (my needs, my wants, what i can do without), and getting my life back (no more obligation from company/boss, from colleagues, from family and siblings etc )... i did take care of my dad in his last few years, he then passed (of cancer), after which i bought a small apt, moved out to stay on my own, re-evaluate my life and priority, changed my habits and lifestyle (top priority is to be healthy), back to regular exercise routine, lost 20 kg(from 86kg to now 65kg), getting some peace of mind as well (this is the most difficult, to be truly at peace with oneself and my surroundings people and things).

 

as of now, i still have no intention of going back to the work force, but might consider volunteer work (just applied to afa), but what i didn't expect in this stage of my life is romance. still at the height of the pandemics late last year, i started dating again. 

[tyan]

@mith really envy u. I took the 1st step to leave my job too in hope to find purpose in life and also rest. But then I realized that it is still a long way to go and my current saving will not be able to sustain for long. My parents are still alive and I hope they can still live long long. After resting 9 months, I go back workforce. 

[mith]

On 3/22/2022 at 11:47 AM, tyan said:

@mith really envy u. I took the 1st step to leave my job too in hope to find purpose in life and also rest. But then I realized that it is still a long way to go and my current saving will not be able to sustain for long. My parents are still alive and I hope they can still live long long. After resting 9 months, I go back workforce. 

my mum still alive. 

 

i didnt quit on impulse. i planned it when i was 30. to retire at 45. but as it was, it came earlier at 42. no issue so far, coming to 9 years already. i am happier and freer day by day... 

 

must learn to let go. 

[cutejack]

On 3/22/2022 at 12:20 PM, mith said:

my mum still alive. 

 

i didnt quit on impulse. i planned it when i was 30. to retire at 45. but as it was, it came earlier at 42. no issue so far, coming to 9 years already. i am happier and freer day by day... 

 

must learn to let go. 

Like yr first sentence.....mum.....

Like yr last sentence very much.must learn......

 

I intend n prepared to let go my work soon not that I'm rich or stable financially but I'm already tired with work. 

 

Got many things to do out there when I'm not working.

Start to live contented n low profile at this stage of life to avoid the mid age crisis.

 

God bless us. 

[SGUS]

My situation feels more like a kicking-the-can-down-the-road issue that started in the 2000s. Now that I'm 42, it feels like time is running out and has become a crisis.

 

Do employers in Singapore frown upon people who take a break from being employed for a few months? 

[lonely57]

this. im feeling this exactly. i feel so jaded. my daily routine is mostly work, exercise and surf the web/play games. i dread going to work and i dont find what I do to be fulfilling. I'd change jobs but I'd have to start all over since I have no experience in doing a more technical role. 

 

[Trial1010]

i too am planning to retire. the only reason I am holding back is the uncertainty of how to keep myself occupied. hopefully i can make the next step soon.

[kidster]

On 3/22/2022 at 12:20 PM, mith said:

my mum still alive. 

 

i didnt quit on impulse. i planned it when i was 30. to retire at 45. but as it was, it came earlier at 42. no issue so far, coming to 9 years already. i am happier and freer day by day... 

 

must learn to let go. 

 

Thanks for sharing. Mind sharing how and what you planned to be able to retire so early. Thanks

[doncoin]

In some companies, there has been a trend focusing on employees well-being. I know HSBC has this compulsory vacation thing where by they do not send you emails of any sort during that time period and managers are reminded to be respectful of people taking time out. There were also companies where if an employee decides to take a sabbatical, and if you have been there long enough, they will support it and hire you back when you are ready because they value you. Sometimes taking a break for a couple of months may not be a bad thing to go figure out some things in life. Your job cannot always be a priority in your life. 

 

During the summer months, I tend to work out of the beach house, and spend a few weeks out there intermittently to catch up with friends and just recharge. Granted I am still working, but just not at a 100% capacity. Perhaps this is something to think about if you can work it out with your employer. 

[Trial1010]

On 3/22/2022 at 10:19 PM, doncoin said:

In some companies, there has been a trend focusing on employees well-being. I know HSBC has this compulsory vacation thing where by they do not send you emails of any sort during that time period and managers are reminded to be respectful of people taking time out. There were also companies where if an employee decides to take a sabbatical, and if you have been there long enough, they will support it and hire you back when you are ready because they value you. Sometimes taking a break for a couple of months may not be a bad thing to go figure out some things in life. Your job cannot always be a priority in your life. 

 

During the summer months, I tend to work out of the beach house, and spend a few weeks out there intermittently to catch up with friends and just recharge. Granted I am still working, but just not at a 100% capacity. Perhaps this is something to think about if you can work it out with your employer. 

lol. your information above is not completely correct. i reply with no malice intent.

 

most banks, not only HSBC, have that practise. it is 'block leave'.

 

sabbatical by definition is  prolonged leave but still under employment. rehiring is not required.

[mith]

On 3/22/2022 at 8:54 PM, kidster said:

 

Thanks for sharing. Mind sharing how and what you planned to be able to retire so early. Thanks

figure out your needs from your wants, start letting go of all the non essential in your life bit by bit when u r still employed, it will takes years to work these out. but it will come a time when u realize your life is perfectly fine without these (material) things, perhaps even better, and healthier... and all the while matching your finance with this new lifestyle. u will be surprise 90% of our past possessions and habits are non essential and not healthy...

 

i also noted that for most people the desire to WANT, and the reluctant mindset TO LET GO are very strong.

 

i am not preaching a lifestyle of monk hood, in the process of letting go, one should definitely keep the activities and things that give one joy. now the tricky part is here - if one has expensive taste of the luxury to give one joy, then forget retirement altogether. 

 

the above is my own experience. i was the average everyday singaporean working a steady 9-5 job. my first paycheck was $1750, and last drawn paycheck was $4999. all take home amt after cpf cut.

 

of course each individual is different. if you still finds joy in your work, why quit? why retire? follow your heart. it often tells us things and gives us signals which we ignore.

[Trial1010]

On 3/23/2022 at 9:09 AM, mith said:

figure out your needs from your wants, start letting go of all the non essential in your life bit by bit when u r still employed, it will takes years to work these out. but it will come a time when u realize your life is perfectly fine without these (material) things, perhaps even better, and healthier... and all the while matching your finance with this new lifestyle. u will be surprise 90% of our past possessions and habits are non essential and not healthy...

 

i also noted that for most people the desire to WANT, and the reluctant mindset TO LET GO are very strong.

 

i am not preaching a lifestyle of monk hood, in the process of letting go, one should definitely keep the activities and things that give one joy. now the tricky part is here - if one has expensive taste of the luxury to give one joy, then forget retirement altogether. 

 

the above is my own experience. i was the average everyday singaporean working a steady 9-5 job. my first paycheck was $1750, and last drawn paycheck was $4999. all take home amt after cpf cut.

 

of course each individual is different. if you still finds joy in your work, why quit? why retire? follow your heart. it often tells us things and gives us signals which we ignore.

 

agreed. however, higher income, higher opportunity cost.

 

whilst i am prepared to forego my income, i cant fathom not doing anything 7 days a week. i think my ideal retirement is having a simple part time job, ideally 3 days in morning only. if anyone has 'lobang', please refer. dont have to pay much. 😁

[doncoin]

On 3/22/2022 at 8:00 PM, Trial1010 said:

lol. your information above is not completely correct. i reply with no malice intent.

 

most banks, not only HSBC, have that practise. it is 'block leave'.

 

sabbatical by definition is  prolonged leave but still under employment. rehiring is not required.

 

 

Good to know. A friend of mine used to work there and told me about it which I thought was a brilliant idea on block leave. 

 

 

[mith]

On 3/23/2022 at 9:45 PM, Trial1010 said:

 

agreed. however, higher income, higher opportunity cost.

 

whilst i am prepared to forego my income, i cant fathom not doing anything 7 days a week. i think my ideal retirement is having a simple part time job, ideally 3 days in morning only. if anyone has 'lobang', please refer. dont have to pay much. 😁

if after you quit, you have nothing to do 24/7, then your job is your life already. you shouldn't quit.

 

for me, my life truly starts after retirement. and what i do daily is for me! of course a bit for family and friends too.

[dilbert0987]

On 3/24/2022 at 7:38 AM, mith said:

if after you quit, you have nothing to do 24/7, then your job is your life already. you shouldn't quit.

 

for me, my life truly starts after retirement. and what i do daily is for me! of course a bit for family and friends too.

If you don't mind sharing, how do you fund your expenses? Using your savings?

[mith]

On 3/24/2022 at 2:36 PM, dilbert0987 said:

If you don't mind sharing, how do you fund your expenses? Using your savings?

yeah, savings mostly. 

[kidster]

On 3/23/2022 at 9:09 AM, mith said:

figure out your needs from your wants, start letting go of all the non essential in your life bit by bit when u r still employed, it will takes years to work these out. but it will come a time when u realize your life is perfectly fine without these (material) things, perhaps even better, and healthier... and all the while matching your finance with this new lifestyle. u will be surprise 90% of our past possessions and habits are non essential and not healthy...

 

i also noted that for most people the desire to WANT, and the reluctant mindset TO LET GO are very strong.

 

i am not preaching a lifestyle of monk hood, in the process of letting go, one should definitely keep the activities and things that give one joy. now the tricky part is here - if one has expensive taste of the luxury to give one joy, then forget retirement altogether. 

 

the above is my own experience. i was the average everyday singaporean working a steady 9-5 job. my first paycheck was $1750, and last drawn paycheck was $4999. all take home amt after cpf cut.

 

of course each individual is different. if you still finds joy in your work, why quit? why retire? follow your heart. it often tells us things and gives us signals which we ignore.

 

Thanks for sharing. As one gets older, we tend to live with less. My first realization was staying in hostel when I was uni. A bed, cupboard, table and laptop in a small room is good enough for me.

 

The second realization was during CB With movement restricted, what and who are the most important to me during pandemic. 

 

[tyan]

On 3/22/2022 at 7:22 PM, lonely57 said:

this. im feeling this exactly. i feel so jaded. my daily routine is mostly work, exercise and surf the web/play games. i dread going to work and i dont find what I do to be fulfilling. I'd change jobs but I'd have to start all over since I have no experience in doing a more technical role. 

 

I feel u. But it all voices down to what motivate u. R u just tired of ur current job scope? Will changing another job helps? Or is it just u do not feel like working? Or do u need a job that you feel fulfilling or sense of achievement? Too many factors I think 

[StockFit-SportsMassage]

Hi, maybe I shared a bit of my own "mid-life" crisis...

When I was in 40yo... I had already been running my own biz for almost 12yrs... have a staff strength of 5. And the biz gives me a pretty decent income on a monthly basis, and has a pretty good reputation and respected in the industry, get invited as speaker for conferences and get paid by clients to travel frequently regionally and occasionally to the other half of the globe. It was the prime and peak of my career.

However, at that prime and peak... it was also the peak for my weight 115kg and the darkest valley for my health. and when I took a deeper look, I realised I became in that state, simply because of the lifestyle and my work. Tons of entertainments, frequent overnights for projects or flights, high stress environment which then feeds my tendancy to eat to handle stress and many more.

I took a drastic change to my lifestyle... paid tons of $$$ in engaging a good PT and of cos some amount of medications that doctor wanted me to take, gym 3x a week, eat healthier, stop drinking... and cut down on my flying... and of cos I managed to drop my weight to about 83-85kg. Still relatively heavy but I am a lot healthier @ 42yo.

and on some strange reasons and I can't exactly remember how it happen... I took up a certified personal training course for the purpose of so I don't have to pay for PT and know how to train my own... but that course or the trainer changed my perspective in life.

This is where things gets "crazy" as some of my friends would say.

I let my staff to continue to run the company... while I went to work full-time in a gym as a personal trainer for 1 yr... I enjoyed the work so much so that I decided to sell my biz away for a relatively ok sum (thou many friends say I am crazy to let it go at such a low price).

8yrs has passed and I have not look back since. I feel that I am much happier, much freer, and so much lesser stress to handle despite having a 80% pay cut when compared to went I was running my own biz. Like some of you said... you will realise somethings that we deem important is no longer than important to have. I no longer stay in a big apartment but moved to a much smaller one. I no longer owns a car - I take public now. No longer going for luxurious fanciful holidays... but am just happy to travel via budget or econ. I am contented. and this contentment comes from the fact that I am having a bigger and better impact in someone's life.

Am I considering retirement? to be honest... no. I want to continue to do what I am doing till the day I die because of the fulfillment I find in my work.

So much so, even at 50yo now... I finally decided to take a degree full time (4yrs) to further my knowledge in what I am doing so that I can help my clients better.

Retirement is really not for me.

Oh just in case you all are thinking I am self-employed... I am not. I am working for someone and no i don't feel obligated to them in anyway.

Hope this little sharing helps some of you reading it. If it doesn't, sorry to have wasted your time.

 

[lonely57]

On 3/25/2022 at 12:12 PM, tyan said:

I feel u. But it all voices down to what motivate u. R u just tired of ur current job scope? Will changing another job helps? Or is it just u do not feel like working? Or do u need a job that you feel fulfilling or sense of achievement? Too many factors I think 

 

i think im feeling this way because of my current job. perhaps changing jobs will change but im too out of touch from my studies to do another job that can be very technical (my current job is not related to my studies in engineering) 

 

at the same time i also dont feel like working. lately feels like im going through a routine and in a constant loop. like the past 2 years felt like it didnt occur to me. there was nothing eventful during this period. maybe it might be the same for others probably because of covid but i dont think it will get any better for me.

[Expired Btm Uncle]

On 3/21/2022 at 11:24 PM, cowie said:

Do you guys experience the mid life crisis? At last 30s - early 40s. Feel like giving up your work and do something else, be more yourself and want to spend more times for yourself? How do you overcome this feeling?

Absolutely!!! That's part of aging and why should you overcome that feeling? Your time left is getting lesser so shouldn't u do thing u like or always wanted to but never try. YOLO

[ballzter]

On 3/22/2022 at 6:32 PM, SGUS said:

My situation feels more like a kicking-the-can-down-the-road issue that started in the 2000s. Now that I'm 42, it feels like time is running out and has become a crisis.

 

Do employers in Singapore frown upon people who take a break from being employed for a few months? 

I know a few colleagues who took a break from work for about a year after giving birth. I also took a break from work for about 2+ months in the past. Definitely the employers will ask during the interview why i quitted and took a break. But they did not really ask many questions about this. They focused more on the technical aspect. You will get rusty from taking a break, but as long as you prepare and review for the interview, it should be fine. 

[SGUS]

Thanks, it's good to know.

 

[kidster]

On 3/31/2022 at 6:28 PM, ballzter said:

I know a few colleagues who took a break from work for about a year after giving birth. I also took a break from work for about 2+ months in the past. Definitely the employers will ask during the interview why i quitted and took a break. But they did not really ask many questions about this. They focused more on the technical aspect. You will get rusty from taking a break, but as long as you prepare and review for the interview, it should be fine. 

 

That would mean quitting without a job which could be risky and not advisable. 

 

One might end up jobless for more than then intended period. 

 

I was also told the candidate will be less bargaining power if the interviewer knows you are jobless which put you in a disadvantage position. Wonder how true this is. 

[ballzter]

On 4/1/2022 at 1:22 AM, kidster said:

 

That would mean quitting without a job which could be risky and not advisable. 

 

One might end up jobless for more than then intended period. 

 

I was also told the candidate will be less bargaining power if the interviewer knows you are jobless which put you in a disadvantage position. Wonder how true this is. 

Yeah it's not advisable to quit without a plan B. Not everyone could afford to do so. 

Definitely a lesson learnt for me for making bad decisions. But i dont regret quitting as the toxic environment was taking a toll on my mental and physical health. 

 

With regards to job hunting, for me, the biggest disadvantage of being unemployed was that I had a tendency of being less choosy with accepting offers. The interview process can take a long time, and kinda stressful. The constant dillemma for me was: should i just accept this offer, or should i reject and continue to find the "perfect" company? 

One can definitely find a better company, with more bargaining power, if you are employed. 

[tapsilog]

I am not there yet but soon will be. Would like to pitch in, how about doing something outside of your routine? Like start a new business or join charity works? Would it help?

[cowie]

On 3/22/2022 at 9:50 AM, mith said:

i am/was not sure if it was mid life crisis... at 42, i quitted my job, and then decided to retire. hasn't work a day since.

 

now its been 8 years+ already... i spent the last 8 yrs finding myself (my needs, my wants, what i can do without), and getting my life back (no more obligation from company/boss, from colleagues, from family and siblings etc )... i did take care of my dad in his last few years, he then passed (of cancer), after which i bought a small apt, moved out to stay on my own, re-evaluate my life and priority, changed my habits and lifestyle (top priority is to be healthy), back to regular exercise routine, lost 20 kg(from 86kg to now 65kg), getting some peace of mind as well (this is the most difficult, to be truly at peace with oneself and my surroundings people and things).

 

as of now, i still have no intention of going back to the work force, but might consider volunteer work (just applied to afa), but what i didn't expect in this stage of my life is romance. still at the height of the pandemics late last year, i started dating again. 

Happy for you! Jia you!

[cowie]

On 4/1/2022 at 8:57 AM, tapsilog said:

I am not there yet but soon will be. Would like to pitch in, how about doing something outside of your routine? Like start a new business or join charity works? Would it help?

I started my own volunteering group for 10 years.. in a way to do something that i am passion in. Just that I have been in my current company for more than 13 years, changed a few bosses and company culture... I have this "I have enough" feeling. hahahha

[Week1]

On 4/1/2022 at 1:22 AM, kidster said:

 

That would mean quitting without a job which could be risky and not advisable. 

 

One might end up jobless for more than then intended period. 

 

I was also told the candidate will be less bargaining power if the interviewer knows you are jobless which put you in a disadvantage position. Wonder how true this is. 

..

[MikeC]

.

 

Edited October 27, 2023 by MikeC

[123ZZZ]

Mid life crisis is a state of mind 

makes me depressed and unhappy 

somewhat life is lacking meaning

not sure what you are doing 

feel unmotivated and loss of direction 

seek something but don’t know what

[Nanba8233]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6923189/
 

this article is apt for this thread and may help some I think. 

[Nanba8233]

Similar to one of the other member shared, this too touches on ikigai

[mith]

On 4/17/2022 at 8:40 PM, MikeC said:

Nice.  I think many people, at some point in their working life, start questioning about what they want out of their life.  
 

While I too started planning and saving when younger, there will always be a bit of uncertainty about how medical costs and costs of living may escalate in the future especially since the expected lifespan of Singaporean male is currently 85.  So if we totally retire at 50 - we will have to fund 35 years of quality living.  

 

Hence instead of stopping work entirely, I think we can consider switching to a job that allows us to achieve ‘ikigai’ - a very useful Japanese concept on finding a job that is meaningful, enjoyable and rewarding.  Attached image of it.  Many of us started with “profession” - a job which we think we can be good at and which we get paid for.  As we get older, I think we also want to find something we enjoy (eg some mentioned fitness) or which we can find meaning / purpose like jobs which help others.

 

Can Google for free pdf of book which explains more about Ikigai.  Happy reflection and journey in your transition.

 

 

 

no need to stop work for anyone who loves their job.

and

as for quality of life... the key word is quality. what constitute that? 

and

in singapore, i applaud the everyday common men of finding "that job" that is meaningful, enjoyable and rewarding. 

and finally, in my opinion,

in your older age, if you get an illness that your medisave and cpf money and your bank saving still cannot cover its medical cost, no point insisting... this is a personal experience. coming soon to 9 yrs of my retired life now, and 6/7 of those i was the sole care taker of my terminally ill father. he has cancer, and already starting to spread (meaning its death sentence already), but the doctors insisted on surgery after surgery and all sort of treatments just to prolong his life. now looking back at the whole saga, many times when my dad slip into a coma without pain, if only i insisted on letting him go it would be peaceful for him. i let the doctors decide, they kept reviving him by poking tubes and pumping drugs, all the while knowing its just prolonging his life because the cancer already spread throughout my dad body bit by bit, here and there. although we can afford the medical bills, my dad died a very painful death in the end when the cancer cells slowly destroy his body. it wasn't a short painful moment fyi, it was 3 long years of unbearable pain... throughout all these years he hadnt much of a life too, took him months to recover from one surgery before he had to go for another. some of these surgeries do not arises from the cancer, many were due to risks and complications of the previous surgery. note that my dad already in his late 70s when he was diagnosed. 

the point is no mortal being is willing to accept the inevitable (death). if i let my dad go in his first coma, he would suffer 5 yrs less of indignities and a very long painful death. while we grieved, mind you, the medical bills kept coming in...  

 

lastly, as i said, 99.9% of us only think only of money when it comes to retirement, for me, its how much you can let go. at what age you can let go. this is the toughest part.

 

Edited April 18, 2022 by mith

[MikeC]

.

Edited October 27, 2023 by MikeC

[robin]

.

Edited May 5, 2022 by robin

[silverguy]

Anyone of you suffer from depression due to mid-life crisis? 

 

At 35, I was running my own tech consultancy business for nearly 10 years. As I am not ambitious, half of the time I was not working & was hoping to do long term retirement. Problem is, I can’t find anything which I am passionate about to fill up the free time.
 

Eventually, after  the 10 years, due to a change in the industry, I decided to return to employment so as to up skill myself via the corporate route. Then another problem surfaced; I realised though I am a high performer at work, I no longer can see eye-to-eye with my bosses as they are also employees in those  companies. Many times, decisions are made not for logical business reasons but fear of losing their jobs. Another challenge is, as I aged, I am no longer able to be the high performer whom I used to be. Most of my jobs lasted no longer than 5 months. And each time when I could not feel fitted into the environment, I tend to sink into a depression. I tried seeking counseling help but could not find an answer. I even went for andropause test & the results turn out negative. 

 

2 years back, I took a 1.5 years break. The lack of purpose sinked me into another depression. I constantly felt like crying & the thought of death constantly came to my mind. 
 

I returned to corporate world 5 months ago; had a great job, great pay & good work life balance. Initially, the depression went away. But now, the 5 months cycle of frustration & depression is surfacing again & I am at a loss of what to do. 

 

[appboy]

On 5/5/2022 at 11:38 AM, silverguy said:

Anyone of you suffer from depression due to mid-life crisis? 

 

At 35, I was running my own tech consultancy business for nearly 10 years. As I am not ambitious, half of the time I was not working & was hoping to do long term retirement. Problem is, I can’t find anything which I am passionate about to fill up the free time.
 

Eventually, after  the 10 years, due to a change in the industry, I decided to return to employment so as to up skill myself via the corporate route. Then another problem surfaced; I realised though I am a high performer at work, I no longer can see eye-to-eye with my bosses as they are also employees in those  companies. Many times, decisions are made not for logical business reasons but fear of losing their jobs. Another challenge is, as I aged, I am no longer able to be the high performer whom I used to be. Most of my jobs lasted no longer than 5 months. And each time when I could not feel fitted into the environment, I tend to sink into a depression. I tried seeking counseling help but could not find an answer. I even went for andropause test & the results turn out negative. 

 

2 years back, I took a 1.5 years break. The lack of purpose sinked me into another depression. I constantly felt like crying & the thought of death constantly came to my mind. 
 

I returned to corporate world 5 months ago; had a great job, great pay & good work life balance. Initially, the depression went away. But now, the 5 months cycle of frustration & depression is surfacing again & I am at a loss of what to do. 

 

 

I used to be an entrepreneur and "still am". It's a lonely journey which many will not understand unless they walked this path before. Eg. Feeling guilty when I go jogging thinking I should be working and not waste time exercising.

 

I confide in my closer friends who are running their own from time to time and realized most of them are feeling depressed due to the amount of stress we need to bear.

 

I went back to work for others a few years back and also noticed my perception of working has changed as I no longer have the mindset of a typical employee.

 

I can relate to the issues you brought up and manage to figure out a way for myself. 

 

If you need someone to talk to, feel me to pm me. 

 

Hope it helps.

[Steve5380]

On 3/25/2022 at 1:00 AM, StockFit-SportsMassage said:

Hi, maybe I shared a bit of my own "mid-life" crisis...

When I was in 40yo... I had already been running my own biz for almost 12yrs... have a staff strength of 5. And the biz gives me a pretty decent income on a monthly basis, and has a pretty good reputation and respected in the industry, get invited as speaker for conferences and get paid by clients to travel frequently regionally and occasionally to the other half of the globe. It was the prime and peak of my career.

However, at that prime and peak... it was also the peak for my weight 115kg and the darkest valley for my health. and when I took a deeper look, I realised I became in that state, simply because of the lifestyle and my work. Tons of entertainments, frequent overnights for projects or flights, high stress environment which then feeds my tendancy to eat to handle stress and many more.

I took a drastic change to my lifestyle... paid tons of $$$ in engaging a good PT and of cos some amount of medications that doctor wanted me to take, gym 3x a week, eat healthier, stop drinking... and cut down on my flying... and of cos I managed to drop my weight to about 83-85kg. Still relatively heavy but I am a lot healthier @ 42yo.

and on some strange reasons and I can't exactly remember how it happen... I took up a certified personal training course for the purpose of so I don't have to pay for PT and know how to train my own... but that course or the trainer changed my perspective in life.

This is where things gets "crazy" as some of my friends would say.

I let my staff to continue to run the company... while I went to work full-time in a gym as a personal trainer for 1 yr... I enjoyed the work so much so that I decided to sell my biz away for a relatively ok sum (thou many friends say I am crazy to let it go at such a low price).

8yrs has passed and I have not look back since. I feel that I am much happier, much freer, and so much lesser stress to handle despite having a 80% pay cut when compared to went I was running my own biz. Like some of you said... you will realise somethings that we deem important is no longer than important to have. I no longer stay in a big apartment but moved to a much smaller one. I no longer owns a car - I take public now. No longer going for luxurious fanciful holidays... but am just happy to travel via budget or econ. I am contented. and this contentment comes from the fact that I am having a bigger and better impact in someone's life.

Am I considering retirement? to be honest... no. I want to continue to do what I am doing till the day I die because of the fulfillment I find in my work.

So much so, even at 50yo now... I finally decided to take a degree full time (4yrs) to further my knowledge in what I am doing so that I can help my clients better.

Retirement is really not for me.

Oh just in case you all are thinking I am self-employed... I am not. I am working for someone and no i don't feel obligated to them in anyway.

Hope this little sharing helps some of you reading it. If it doesn't, sorry to have wasted your time.

 

 

You were fortunate to have discovered what makes sense in life and what you should do for yourself.  Your "crisis" has somethings in common with the rich man who leaves behind all his riches and goes to a place in the country to meditate in solitude.   Not so drastic of course,  but it does not need to be so drastic.   Situations in life change in importance with time, and we should have the resolution to follow the changes.   I know this now nearing my 80th year, and I could not be happier.

[tyan]

On 5/5/2022 at 11:38 AM, silverguy said:

Anyone of you suffer from depression due to mid-life crisis? 

 

At 35, I was running my own tech consultancy business for nearly 10 years. As I am not ambitious, half of the time I was not working & was hoping to do long term retirement. Problem is, I can’t find anything which I am passionate about to fill up the free time.
 

Eventually, after  the 10 years, due to a change in the industry, I decided to return to employment so as to up skill myself via the corporate route. Then another problem surfaced; I realised though I am a high performer at work, I no longer can see eye-to-eye with my bosses as they are also employees in those  companies. Many times, decisions are made not for logical business reasons but fear of losing their jobs. Another challenge is, as I aged, I am no longer able to be the high performer whom I used to be. Most of my jobs lasted no longer than 5 months. And each time when I could not feel fitted into the environment, I tend to sink into a depression. I tried seeking counseling help but could not find an answer. I even went for andropause test & the results turn out negative. 

 

2 years back, I took a 1.5 years break. The lack of purpose sinked me into another depression. I constantly felt like crying & the thought of death constantly came to my mind. 
 

I returned to corporate world 5 months ago; had a great job, great pay & good work life balance. Initially, the depression went away. But now, the 5 months cycle of frustration & depression is surfacing again & I am at a loss of what to do. 

 

I think u r not suitable to work for others. U need to be a boss. 

[Steve5380]

On 5/14/2022 at 2:20 AM, tyan said:

I think u r not suitable to work for others. U need to be a boss. 

 

Yes, he may benefit from being his own boss, working for himself exclusively for a while.

 

And what he should work for himself is to get a handle on his emotions.  A person with the capacity to lead a tech consulting business should have enough character to take control of his emotions to not be disabled by depressions.  And not by hiring others to do it, but by doing it by himself.   Self help is not a fantasy exploited by writers of self-help books.  It is the ability we gain by cultivating discipline,  by learning about ourselves,  and by putting both things together.

[Startup]

You can be experiencing mid life crisis without feeling depressed. 
 

You can also be feeling depressed all the time with or without mid life crisis.

 

Mid life crisis usually happens when what used to define your life is no longer relevant and you feel lost. Many people cope with it differently. Some people turn their life around completely. Some just find something else to distract themselves so nothing much has to change.

 

 

[radiusulnar]

looking back, i think i had a mid life crisis. everything felt like a chore - waking up, going to work, eating, any waking activity. i just wanted to sleep and do nothing.

fortunately, after a few months, i realised that moping around was not going to make the "chores" go away. and decided to be at least neutral towards the "chores". and try to find some meaning, even if insignificant, in those "chores". i think i have snapped out of my crisis mindset; certainly, i don't feel like i am drifting from day to day, hour to hour, meaninglessly

[MikeC]

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Edited October 27, 2023 by MikeC

[thorzguy]

I think most of us do encounter some form of crisis; be it mid life or not. It can be anything from work, family, relationship, friendship etc...

Not forgetting that, many of us (especially within this circle) seek some form of validation - bigger place, newer cars, nicer physique etc...

 

It is perfectly alright to take a break - be it from work; as a caregiver. Or even to change your career. Simply go and do something else. Life isn't just about making all the money, but do you have the mental and physical health to enjoy the simple things in life?

 

Do not be a walking dead.

 

I mentioned it before and I share it again:

Some people have money, some people are rich. Which do you (choose to) belong?

[gucici]

Yes, working alone is getting a little bored. 

Took my time for breakfast, sometimes thinking if i shd swim, or gym during day time. No more colleagues. 

Weekends seems like weekday, everyday seems like a holiday if i end my work early. 

Wear casual clothes, or sometimes berms. 

Ppl take me for granted to help run errands. 

Thinking if i shd do part time housing agent, but that would take up night hours. 

 

So any entrepreneurs want to hang out?