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Will political affect relationship?


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As title said, will political will affect relationship? 

 

I've been with my boyfriend for three years, everything is great and fine and i very happy with that. But start from this year, I found out that my political view is very difference with him.

He is very supportive of the Communist Party of China, which

 

Russia - Ukraine he support Russia.

China - Taiwan he support China.

 

and I stand totally opposite with him. Although we already discuss we will respect each other POV, but sometime when some related news like Pelosi visit Taiwan, he will comment it infront of me like "Taiwan deserved to be punished by this / China should give Taiwan some lesson" something like this. I feel disrespected by this comment he make since he already know I am not fans of China.

 

So anyone here facing similar problem and how do you guys handle it?

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On 8/9/2022 at 10:46 AM, Ryanlkz said:

As title said, will political will affect relationship? 

 

I've been with my boyfriend for three years, everything is great and fine and i very happy with that. But start from this year, I found out that my political view is very difference with him.

He is very supportive of the Communist Party of China, which

 

Russia - Ukraine he support Russia.

China - Taiwan he support China.

 

and I stand totally opposite with him. Although we already discuss we will respect each other POV, but sometime when some related news like Pelosi visit Taiwan, he will comment it infront of me like "Taiwan deserved to be punished by this / China should give Taiwan some lesson" something like this. I feel disrespected by this comment he make since he already know I am not fans of China.

 

So anyone here facing similar problem and how do you guys handle it?

 

Yes, differences in political views, much like religions, will affect your relationship. Even if you both can respect each other and stay clear of these sensitive issues, this still mean that there are OB markers for you both to stay clear of, and that will prevent you both from reaching the level of intellectual intimacy you otherwise can achieve had your political views been the same. 

 

Things might not have been so bad if both of you are not so extreme in your views. Alas! Reading between the lines in your post, it seems that your bf's supports of China is only exceeded by your hate for it.

 

My advice is for you both to read the same but diverse source of news and information. Do not confine yourselves only to Western sources or pro China sources. Then maybe both of you will arrive at a more balanced, less extremist, view of this matter. 

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On 8/9/2022 at 11:50 AM, Lycandie said:

My advice is for you both to read the same but diverse source of news and information. Do not confine yourselves only to Western sources or pro China sources. Then maybe both of you will arrive at a more balanced, less extremist, view of this matter. 

Yes, i agree with that, sometime he show me "news" which come from those obviously China tiktok account and my eyes wanna roll to backside of my brain.

 

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Will never discuss topics like politics and religion with colleagues/ friends or family once I know we shared different view.  Such topics will only create tension and misunderstandings. And also no point debating as we will never switch our support or belief as such thing is like “hard coded” in us.. :)

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On 8/9/2022 at 12:00 PM, radiusulnar said:

even among friends, if the views are too polarised, it may lead to unnecessary tension and arguments. unless you stick to safe topics like food, movies, fashion, music, hobbies

 

On 8/9/2022 at 12:17 PM, T Gunner said:

Will never discuss topics like politics and religion with colleagues/ friends or family once I know we shared different view.  Such topics will only create tension and misunderstandings. And also no point debating as we will never switch our support or belief as such thing is like “hard coded” in us.. :)

So i suppose "No ask No tell" is the best way to handle it 😂

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On 8/9/2022 at 12:16 PM, Ryanlkz said:

Yes, i agree with that, sometime he show me "news" which come from those obviously China tiktok account and my eyes wanna roll to backside of my brain.

 

 

Yes. But at the same time you should also be aware that Western sources deliberately painted China to be a mega-evil regime through a process of selective reporting.

 

Important thing is that you also need to take a long hard look at yourself even as you criticise his news source. It takes both hands to clap, so you shouldn't match your bfs extremist views. Both of you should stay open minded and stay balanced. 

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On 8/9/2022 at 12:27 PM, Lycandie said:

Yes. But at the same time you should also be aware that Western sources deliberately painted China to be a mega-evil regime through a process of selective reporting.

 

Important thing is that you also need to take a long hard look at yourself even as you criticise his news source. It takes both hands to clap, so you shouldn't match your bfs extremist views. Both of you should stay open minded and stay balanced. 

I always doubt the news source if related criticize or bias, no matter from which side, I always google it then only make judgement. but my BF is not good in English so he only can reliable on the Chinese source website. 😰

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On 8/9/2022 at 12:42 PM, Ryanlkz said:

I always doubt the news source if related criticize or bias, no matter from which side, I always google it then only make judgement. but my BF is not good in English so he only can reliable on the Chinese source website. 😰

 

The problem with English news source is that most of them are re-reporting other biased English source news. Try South China Morning Post or Al Jeezra. These are the 2 English source which I find more balanced. 

 

Back to your Bf. If you truly love him then know that he is limited in language capability to take in news from diverse sources. Is there a need to be upset when his political views differ from yours? Just enjoy his companionship and regard his occasional political outburst in the same fond manner as you would a favorite child's pouting. 

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I think it will depend on how important politics are to him and yourself.

 

It's just like for some straight people, they will only date and marry people of the same religion, because their religion is important to them.

If it's not important to them, then it won't be an issue.

 

 

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To add, if he really loves and respects you, and he knows your political views, he will tone down his views in your presence. (And you should do the same for him also.)

 

But if he is always very vocal about his views in your presence, even after you have told him that it makes you uncomfortable, then you'll really want to reconsider the relationship. Because real love and respect will cause the person to change and make sacrifices for the ones they love.

If he says, "I am like that; I cannot change. If you don't like my political views, too bad," then you should leave him, because this guy is basically living like he is the centre of the universe.

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On 8/9/2022 at 1:30 PM, Lycandie said:

Back to your Bf. If you truly love him then know that he is limited in language capability to take in news from diverse sources. Is there a need to be upset when his political views differ from yours? Just enjoy his companionship and regard his occasional political outburst in the same fond manner as you would a favorite child's pouting. 

Im not upset about his POV differ from mine, Im just hoping that he will respect what i saw and believed. I believe there is no wrong or right in politics, only benefit, i just cant stand the way he sometime comments thing like i said in 1st post. feel like keep wanna prove my POV is wrong, 

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On 8/9/2022 at 2:23 PM, Guest Try and see said:

To add, if he really loves and respects you, and he knows your political views, he will tone down his views in your presence. (And you should do the same for him also.)

 

But if he is always very vocal about his views in your presence, even after you have told him that it makes you uncomfortable, then you'll really want to reconsider the relationship. Because real love and respect will cause the person to change and make sacrifices for the ones they love.

If he says, "I am like that; I cannot change. If you don't like my political views, too bad," then you should leave him, because this guy is basically living like he is the centre of the universe.

Exactly, i always told him that im not comfortable the way he talk in these topic, not saying he nor me right or wrong, just dont belittling my POV.

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On 8/9/2022 at 2:45 PM, Ryanlkz said:

Im not upset about his POV differ from mine, Im just hoping that he will respect what i saw and believed. I believe there is no wrong or right in politics, only benefit, i just cant stand the way he sometime comments thing like i said in 1st post. feel like keep wanna prove my POV is wrong, 

 

Hmmm it sounds like he has an ego problem.

Truly educated and 大方 people are able to accept the fact that others might have a different POV, and they would even be willing to consider other POVs.

 

Those who are very 小心眼 will always argue and insist that their POV is the only right one, and won't accept or tolerate other people's POVs. If you tell them your POV, they will bulldoze you and aggressively shoot down your arguments, often resorting to name-calling and tantrums if they cannot win your argument.

 

Your bf seems to belong to the latter group. I don't foresee that you will be happy with him in the long term, because other people's happiness does not seem to be his priority.

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On 8/9/2022 at 2:49 PM, Ryanlkz said:

Exactly, i always told him that im not comfortable the way he talk in these topic, not saying he nor me right or wrong, just dont belittling my POV.

 

Seriously, bro, I've met such people before. Their 心胸 is very narrow. They cannot stand that people have a different POV from them, and they die-die must win every argument, even if it means hurting/offending people in the process.

 

I feel you should look elsewhere to find a bf.

Take care, and good luck!

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On 8/9/2022 at 2:56 PM, Guest Try and see said:

 

Seriously, bro, I've met such people before. Their 心胸 is very narrow. They cannot stand that people have a different POV from them, and they die-die must win every argument, even if it means hurting/offending people in the process.

 

I feel you should look elsewhere to find a bf.

Take care, and good luck!

Thanks, any how I also with him 3 years together. in deep down I believe he is in love with me and so do I. So far it does not affect our relationship yet.

 

I just hoping looking other idea or solution to prevent the worse case happen.😄

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On 8/9/2022 at 2:56 PM, Guest Try and see said:

 

Seriously, bro, I've met such people before. Their 心胸 is very narrow. They cannot stand that people have a different POV from them, and they die-die must win every argument, even if it means hurting/offending people in the process.

 

I feel you should look elsewhere to find a bf.

Take care, and good luck!

宁教人打子,莫叫人分妻。but ya political differences is not the issue in this relationship.

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Guest Guest

I remember during an ICT in 2016, just a month before the US presidential elections (Hillary vs Trump), one of my platoon mates actually scolded me for not supporting the same US presidential candidate as him. 

That guy was overall quite a jerk, and also very dishonest - he once cheated another of our platoon mates of a lot of money, and persistently refused to give back a single cent.

Also, he ever told us that his gf (at that time) dumped him.

Not surprising. 

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On 8/9/2022 at 3:02 PM, Ryanlkz said:

Thanks, any how I also with him 3 years together. in deep down I believe he is in love with me and so do I. So far it does not affect our relationship yet.

 

I just hoping looking other idea or solution to prevent the worse case happen.😄

 

If the two of you can respect each other's views for 3 years, I suppose there is no reason why the two of you cannot continue this way. 

 

I am sure if you both avoid these thorny issues, it should be ok.  Mutual respect and agreeing to disagree, should help your relationship survive. 

 

The only worry is that, after some time, complacency steps in and one party starts asserting his position.  The other party will quite automatically dig deeper in his stance.  This is why we sometimes hear old couples practically coming to blows over political standings - but to be fair, such incidents are deemed newsworthy  because they do not occur that frequently. 

 

May your relationship remain healthy and strong despite the differences. 

 

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