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Will you get bitter or mad if you feel rejected?


Guest Johnny

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We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

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Ofc not. Be glad that the signs are clear rt frm the start N move on...it's normal to hv preferences...tht's hw we get gays vs hetero anyway - we prefer guys while heteros prefer girls...haha...so why blame any1 in the first place? It's like othrs insisting tht u must accept girls, get married n hv kids, u know...zzz

 

To avoid wasting time/effort, if tht is wht bothers u, just show face pic rt frm the start to filter out the ones who cant accept ur looks lor...thn focus ur time N effort on those who shld matter more...:p

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You shouldn't be bitter of mad being rejected as we human being we don't have the same taste. One may like the other other so we have to keep in opened mind if we been rejected as we also reject something that is not our liking.

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On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 AM, Guest Johnny said:

We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

Going on gay dating apps is really like looking at a distorted mirror. When people stop responding after looking at face pic,  the message is clear that he doesn't like your looks and so one feels invalidated, which then goes both ways: either into sadness and self loathing or indignation that he doesn't appreciate your worth. 

Then on days when you get multiple taps or woofs that triggers the thought that you are hot and gets attention, and you get a dopamine rush from that.  

Ie we fall into the trap of letting the apps dictate our mental health and sense of self worth.

What you feel is an important indicator. Don't ignore it but learn to master it and see that you are much more than that. And move on.  

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1 hour ago, Guest Jaded said:

Going on gay dating apps is really like looking at a distorted mirror. When people stop responding after looking at face pic,  the message is clear that he doesn't like your looks and so one feels invalidated, which then goes both ways: either into sadness and self loathing or indignation that he doesn't appreciate your worth. 

Then on days when you get multiple taps or woofs that triggers the thought that you are hot and gets attention, and you get a dopamine rush from that.  

Ie we fall into the trap of letting the apps dictate our mental health and sense of self worth.

What you feel is an important indicator. Don't ignore it but learn to master it and see that you are much more than that. And move on.  


yes to this 

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On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 AM, Guest Johnny said:

We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

 

Apparently u r not his type.

 

Butt u need not fill rejected ass u cunt be every one's type. 

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Honestly, I don’t care so much, I just wish these guys would at least have the decency to say they aren’t interested and not just ghost me. I mean, I get that we all have our preferences, but come on lah, at least have some manners

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13 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Honestly, I don’t care so much, I just wish these guys would at least have the decency to say they aren’t interested and not just ghost me. I mean, I get that we all have our preferences, but come on lah, at least have some manners

 

Some guys don't want to be the bad guy and reject. So ghosting the universal signal of not interested but I don't want to hurt your feeling

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I rather we both be direct bout it...yah our instincts can sense the TELL signs...

 

Nobody wants to get rejected but if the person just don't like you or you are not his type it is okay. It sad and pity coz didn't have the chance to get to know another better...so just let it go...move on and go to the next one...sometime in life we have to go thru this phase to find that soulmate out there....don't stay stagnant or keep reminiscing the past pointless...you gotta move ahead...love yourself more....you are in control...

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I agree with MasterFitMalaySG4U (by the way, I love your nick and pic, lol). Why ghost when you can be direct about it. If I’m not your type, tell me so. I’m not so fragile that I will break apart. At least by telling me what you don’t like about me, I can maybe try and change that part of me. We are all works in progress, but if everyone ghosts me, how can I improve. To an extent, you are right T Gunner to want to meet in person, but I prefer at least chatting to see if we click before meeting in person, so as not to waste time and avoid any awkwardness in person.

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On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 AM, Guest Johnny said:

We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

This is very common side in gay forum, everyone's wants the perfect, but not everyone is perfect.

 

Do remember, you are not the only one who face the same problem, don't feel neglect, cos everyone's are unique and for those who reject u, one day they will also reject by someone, life is a circle.

 

Stay cool.

Edited by lingerielover
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On 12/2/2022 at 8:48 AM, Guest Guest said:

Honestly, I don’t care so much, I just wish these guys would at least have the decency to say they aren’t interested and not just ghost me. I mean, I get that we all have our preferences, but come on lah, at least have some manners

 

Yeah, agree with the manners.

 

But sadly, many are like that, so just get used to it and move on

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  • 2 weeks later...

Personally and deep in my heart, I will get hurt if someone rejected or ghosted me in any social platforms. But it doesn't take much of my time to move on. And as I grow up I have learned to handle rejection better than when I was a naive young twink. In gay social life we have to learn to toughen up ourself if things don't work out. So it's perfectly fine to feel bitter or get mad, but don't let it consume you much. There's always someone out there who would love to build relationship with you.

love, no hate 

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  • 1 month later...

I used to feel sour or probably a little bit mad at first when I started using dating app. As of now, I take rejection openly and move on easily. I prefer a straightforward rejection instead of another party trying to be nice and after a while then they only tell you, sorry, you are not really my type. For me, that’s wasting time for both party. 

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i feel pretty shitty recently. met a guy from a sauna since mid 2022 and we been going out now and then to know each other. he was always physically affectionate with me.

 

he asked me to go for a short vacation last month. during the vacation, he was sweet, caring, affectionate and made me fall in love with him. but after the trip, he started acting cold (maybe after i gave him clues that i am beginning to like him deeper). he became detached... not responding to messages so much... not asking me questions, totally detached. and he will never initiate any chats anymore.

 

i decided to stop initiating also but i feel damn rejected and sad.

 

i want to ask him what's up... but clinging onto hope that he will one day reach out to me again to go dating further. 

 

damn sad... he is so my type.. straight act.. nice tool.. not typical gay.. and he said i am his type before and even asked me jokingly to be his bf once. but now all changed... 

 

really no mood..

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20 hours ago, chiPJ said:

i feel pretty shitty recently. met a guy from a sauna since mid 2022 and we been going out now and then to know each other. he was always physically affectionate with me.

 

he asked me to go for a short vacation last month. during the vacation, he was sweet, caring, affectionate and made me fall in love with him. but after the trip, he started acting cold (maybe after i gave him clues that i am beginning to like him deeper). he became detached... not responding to messages so much... not asking me questions, totally detached. and he will never initiate any chats anymore.

 

i decided to stop initiating also but i feel damn rejected and sad.

 

i want to ask him what's up... but clinging onto hope that he will one day reach out to me again to go dating further. 

 

damn sad... he is so my type.. straight act.. nice tool.. not typical gay.. and he said i am his type before and even asked me jokingly to be his bf once. but now all changed... 

 

really no mood..

Dont get bitter moved on as the ocean is big love yourself more than you can love others. As people may not like what we liked.

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On 1/26/2023 at 9:53 PM, chiPJ said:

i feel pretty shitty recently. met a guy from a sauna since mid 2022 and we been going out now and then to know each other. he was always physically affectionate with me.

 

he asked me to go for a short vacation last month. during the vacation, he was sweet, caring, affectionate and made me fall in love with him. but after the trip, he started acting cold (maybe after i gave him clues that i am beginning to like him deeper). he became detached... not responding to messages so much... not asking me questions, totally detached. and he will never initiate any chats anymore.

 

i decided to stop initiating also but i feel damn rejected and sad.

 

i want to ask him what's up... but clinging onto hope that he will one day reach out to me again to go dating further. 

 

damn sad... he is so my type.. straight act.. nice tool.. not typical gay.. and he said i am his type before and even asked me jokingly to be his bf once. but now all changed... 

 

really no mood..

 

I feel for you.  Sadly, things like this happen. 

 

I suppose the sudden coldness hurts especially deeply because you went on a holiday together, and he even asked you to be his boyfriend once, albeit jokingly. 

 

As in all relationships, it is a matter of fate.  You sound like a very nice person, and it is his loss.

 

I wish you all the best, and may the new year bring you someone who appreciates and deserves you.

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On 1/28/2023 at 4:42 PM, yhtang said:

 

I feel for you.  Sadly, things like this happen. 

 

I suppose the sudden coldness hurts especially deeply because you went on a holiday together, and he even asked you to be his boyfriend once, albeit jokingly. 

 

As in all relationships, it is a matter of fate.  You sound like a very nice person, and it is his loss.

 

I wish you all the best, and may the new year bring you someone who appreciates and deserves you.

 

thank you for your kind words. i have moved on by deleting his number and chatting with more guys from apps. it's still a struggle as i feel like nobody can make me feel the way he does now... but slowly time will heal. thank you.

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10 minutes ago, chiPJ said:

 

thank you for your kind words. i have moved on by deleting his number and chatting with more guys from apps. it's still a struggle as i feel like nobody can make me feel the way he does now... but slowly time will heal. thank you.

 

This is why people nowadays ghost others before they can be ghosted 

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2 hours ago, chiPJ said:

 

thank you for your kind words. i have moved on by deleting his number and chatting with more guys from apps. it's still a struggle as i feel like nobody can make me feel the way he does now... but slowly time will heal. thank you.

 

Having been hurt deeply, it takes iron will to delete his number and start to cast him aside.  Well done, sir.

I think meeting other people is a very good idea, as it increases the chances of you meeting someone who is in synch with you, and appreciate you for who you are. 

 

And yes, time heals.   Sometimes it takes longer, but meeting others will help you make new acquaintances, and from there, I am sure many good things will rise.  

 

May there be many rainbows for you in the coming year.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 AM, Guest Johnny said:

We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

 

Honestly? Why want to be mad or bitter, in 99% you saved yourself trouble, frustration not meeting the guy. Do you seriously think his attitude is better in real?

 

Sure his behaviour sucks, but isn't he a silly coward who doesn't have the guts to tell you, you're not his cup of tea?

 

Better meet people who are honest and where your chances to enjoy the fun is much higher than wasting your time with the wrong bad attitude guys. 

 

Edited by singalion
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It makes sense to get bitter or mad if you FEEL rejected. 

 

Rejection is universal.  There is no way to escape it.  What we can do is to avoid the BAD FEELING of rejection.  In this way, we not only save us the bitterness or madness, but we retain a clear mind to decide what to do after the rejection.  

 

While it is not necessary to thank the person who rejects us, if this does not make us FEEL anything, that's the end of the story.  It is like asking someone for the time.  After he gives us the time, what to do next?  Simply thank him, because there are no FEELINGS.  But there is something we can do after a rejection:  get away of the person who rejected us.

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On 12/1/2022 at 8:05 AM, Guest Jaded said:

Going on gay dating apps is really like looking at a distorted mirror. When people stop responding after looking at face pic,  the message is clear that he doesn't like your looks and so one feels invalidated, which then goes both ways: either into sadness and self loathing or indignation that he doesn't appreciate your worth. 

Then on days when you get multiple taps or woofs that triggers the thought that you are hot and gets attention, and you get a dopamine rush from that.  

Ie we fall into the trap of letting the apps dictate our mental health and sense of self worth.

What you feel is an important indicator. Don't ignore it but learn to master it and see that you are much more than that. And move on.  

 

Hmm...i find unattractive and lazy ppl will often use this as excuse to move on in life.

 

Ppl who bothered abt their looks generally take good care of themselves, be it fitness, diet or clothing. They have a higher sense of confidence, not necc from their face but from an overall better appearance. So the devastation is correspondingly higher when someone rejects them, be it from app or in real person.

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Guest Dilemma

Plenty of pc advices here to look nice in public.

In reality, most gays are shallow especially the cmi. You know I know lah. Get rejected doesn't mean he's not shallow himself. It's all an adult game. U fool me I fool u. I know I play along. I win cine I lose some. Losing still hurt but expected sometimes, no point crying over it. 

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On 2/2/2023 at 4:50 PM, yhtang said:

 

Having been hurt deeply, it takes iron will to delete his number and start to cast him aside.  Well done, sir.

 

 

actually i still have his fb and i messaged him there after a traumatic incident tat happened and i wanted to reach out to him... he got respond with some sense of care, but i think only as friend – as he still will never initiate but will respond to me in short sentences...

 

pathetic of me... 

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4 hours ago, chiPJ said:

 

actually i still have his fb and i messaged him there after a traumatic incident tat happened and i wanted to reach out to him... he got respond with some sense of care, but i think only as friend – as he still will never initiate but will respond to me in short sentences...

 

pathetic of me... 

 

 

It always takes time to heal, and the deeper the feeling, the longer the healing process.

 

I believe you have taken the initial steps already, your recognising that he just wants to treat this relationship as mutual friends is a step forward.

 

Take care.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 AM, Guest Johnny said:

We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

You need to learn to accept the feeling of rejection as this is part of life. Be happy that he reject you fast so that you dont need to waste lots of time and can quickly move on.

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This reminds me of a recent encounter I had. Matched with someone on a dating app and he was incredibly in my face with his advances. Said he's looking for something serious at first but starts making sexual remarks 5 minutes later. I thought he was just being cheeky and I gave him my telegram because he wanted to "take things further." Needless to say I'm confident he needs a hole to bang before he can seriously consider anything serious. Guessing sex is his love language. Let's just say he didn't take the rejection too well and started verbally insulting me to make himself feel better. Then comes back the next day to ask if I was still interested in doing dinner and has been pestering since. I've since decided to ignore him because any form of response triggers further responses from him, even a block. 

 

It's cool to persist and pursue someone, the whole world can tell you to let go and move on, but if your heart is set on something, no amounts of persuading will take that away. Just don't cross the line. Personally, I do get a little sad if rejected, but such is life. At one point you'll realize a rejection doesn't reflect your self worth. In the loose words of Oscar Isaac's character from Scenes from a Marriage, the same traits that the person despises you for will be the same traits that others love in you. 

Edited by notd
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On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 AM, Guest Johnny said:

We chatted for quite sometime then agreed to send face photo. After sending, he do not respond anymore. After a day, he left our chat without saying anything whether if i'm his type or not. It seems he rejected me and i'm feeling bitter and mad at the same time. But should i really be?

Reject and ghosting are 2 different levels of pain. I would get 2 pints of B&J from Shengsiong, take a day off, head to the gym to cheer myself up if this happens. Actually it did happen

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Guest Reality

You know the most common excuse to reject or breakup with someone

"It's not you, it's me.

You deserve someone better."

 

If spoken outright, it's sounds so hypocritical.

So when I want to reject someone, I'll do what he hated most instead.

If he's looking for a top, I'll tell him about me getting screwed in the saunas.

If he's looking for a bottom, I'll behave like a lecherous buaya always touching his butts.

If he's looking for sugar daddy, I'll act cheap

If he thinks he's too good for me, I'll purposely tell him I love him!!

 

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well i just joined this community and was immediately blocked by another poster in THIS thread too in the chat system.

The irony of that person giving 'advice' too here too.

i wasn't looking for fun yet just want to figure out the chat and etc and he just blocked me after asking me if i'm a twink etc.

Never gave me a chance to introduce myself properly. And I actually wanted to compliment on his dick pic too.

Oh well. Lets be real, people are just judgemental from the start and what can you do?

I believe there's always another nicer, hotter, kinder person out there.

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11 hours ago, EastChat said:

well i just joined this community and was immediately blocked by another poster in THIS thread too in the chat system.

The irony of that person giving 'advice' too here too.

i wasn't looking for fun yet just want to figure out the chat and etc and he just blocked me after asking me if i'm a twink etc.

Never gave me a chance to introduce myself properly. And I actually wanted to compliment on his dick pic too.

Oh well. Lets be real, people are just judgemental from the start and what can you do?

I believe there's always another nicer, hotter, kinder person out there.

 

wah ... reality of gay dating... especially hot guys with big tool.. need to reject ppl left right centre , if not get devoured haha.

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37 minutes ago, chiPJ said:

 

wah ... reality of gay dating... especially hot guys with big tool.. need to reject ppl left right centre , if not get devoured haha.

i don't think his dick is big (it was on his profile pic and he posted HERE above) but he didn't even give me the courtesy to properly chat and just block me. and then he's here ironically giving advice. lmao

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