I feel guilty towards my friend for making his partner my regular fun buddy

[Guest Funseeker]

Hi. My partner allows me to play outside our relationship. And I only started to have outside fun 3years5months into our relationship. That was October last year. Since then, I met 9 old flings and new chaps. And I had this 5some with a friend's partner. We have been keeping in touch and just days ago, I met up with this friend's partner and we had sex. I would like to have him as my regular fun buddy. Am I betraying my friend? I used to tell him I saw his partner on Grindr seeking sex. This friend has since adopted "one eye is open one eye is closed" perspective on his partner's outside fun as he feels that it is better for the relationship as his partner will be happy. But I do feel guilty towards my friend. 

[Guest Why]

6 hours ago, Guest Funseeker said:

Hi. My partner allows me to play outside our relationship. And I only started to have outside fun 3years5months into our relationship. That was October last year. Since then, I met 9 old flings and new chaps. And I had this 5some with a friend's partner. We have been keeping in touch and just days ago, I met up with this friend's partner and we had sex. I would like to have him as my regular fun buddy. Am I betraying my friend? I used to tell him I saw his partner on Grindr seeking sex. This friend has since adopted "one eye is open one eye is closed" perspective on his partner's outside fun as he feels that it is better for the relationship as his partner will be happy. But I do feel guilty towards my friend. 

not sure about feeling guilty but it seems like you are determined to create a big old mess and are looking to be the centre of attention and drama. Why do you need a regular fb and why does it have to be one so close to home? 

[Ryuki]

unless you are in a platonic relationship already then it makes sense

 

[Guest Guest]

On 2/18/2023 at 2:37 AM, Guest Funseeker said:

Hi. My partner allows me to play outside our relationship. And I only started to have outside fun 3years5months into our relationship. That was October last year. Since then, I met 9 old flings and new chaps. And I had this 5some with a friend's partner. We have been keeping in touch and just days ago, I met up with this friend's partner and we had sex. I would like to have him as my regular fun buddy. Am I betraying my friend? I used to tell him I saw his partner on Grindr seeking sex. This friend has since adopted "one eye is open one eye is closed" perspective on his partner's outside fun as he feels that it is better for the relationship as his partner will be happy. But I do feel guilty towards my friend. 

you very one kind. baotoh his partner to ur friend before then now end up you are the fb. so fake. later got karma. though i think its not uncommon to have people like you in the circle. 

 

 

[robin]

Your boy friend already allow you to have sex outside of your relationship, the whole world is now your oyster. Why do you need to have your friend’s partner?

[barocco80]

iF am your friend will be disappointed and unfriend you

[EastChat]

A true friend will not do things to hurt you. A true friend looks out for the welfare of their friends. 

[joshTWjosh]

I’m assuming you are feeling guilty because this friend is someone at least above “acquaintance” stage and is involved in your life.

 

If so, I think u need to do some soul searching.

Edited February 26, 2023 by joshTWjosh

[Guest GuestFunSeeker]

Thanks for the comments.

 

Well, this chap is attractive. He was my senior in secondary school. Noticed him as we would walk to school via the same route. 

 

We were not friends back then as I was only Secondary One and he was getting ready for the O Level examinations.

 

Years went by and when I was exploring AJ scene at 25 after breaking up with my then girlfriend of 3 years, I changed upon his sgboy/trevvy and fridae profiles.

 

Boy, he was fit with abs. I remembered that he was at the beach in his trunks. Photos were taken by a professional photographer, I assumed.

 

Chatted with him but we never arranged to meet. I supposed he was attached back then. And he did not find me familiar.

 

As he was living just a few blocks of flats away from me, I would bump into him on the feeder bus.

 

And once, I saw him with someone, whom I thought was his partner on the upper deck of the bus my first partner and I were on.

 

Yeap. That was like 2008 I reckoned.

 

And we would still ride the same feeder bus but we did not interact.

 

I did muster the courage to say hi to him but he was not receptive to befriend me back then. He just smiled weakly and walked away.

 

Fast forward to these recent years, all thanks to Grindr, we were connected.

 

It was purely chatting and though he did ask for sex, but I declined a few times as I was partnered to my first boyfriend. But we ended pretty ugly after being together for 11 years.  

 

My ex left me for the last someone we had non anal 3some with. It took only about a month for the break up to take place.

 

Maybe they both are professionals in white coats and I was not doing that well with my career. My ex said he had no more love for me.

 

And friends told me about my ex and his partner. I was shocked to chance upon each of their Grindr profiles, with their torso being the profile picture and both had the 3 same emojis - a pair of men, a pair of eyes and a single man.

 

Yes, my ex initiated 3some during our 9th year of being a couple after his senior in uni approached him for fun.

 

It was a totally whole new concept to us and I thought we were only meant for each other, naively.

 

Well, I agreed to my ex's frequent requests for 3some and finally I gave in after a few weeks.

 

We arranged to meet that chap for lunch so as to know him better as it was our first time dealing with 3some. But he declined and only was keen to get straight into bed.

 

So, we did not have a 3some in 2016 and after deliberating for 4 months, we began our 6 month's worth of non anal 3some sessions with about 20-odd individuals in 2017, during our 10th of togetherness.

 

My ex did not like 3some anymore and we stopped. Till we had a minor 3some with his neighbourhood running buddy in 2018. And in May, his current partner approached me on Grindr and he was quite charming to me. We chatted from morning till afternoon and he said he was so horny that day that he had wanked twice already in the morning. I still could remember it was Labour Day. And I asked my ex if he was keen to have 3some with this lad. My ex was not that interested but agreed since it was quite a while we last had 3some. My ex found the chap cute. We invited him over at 10pm as that time, my ex just moved to a new flat and he was staying alone at the beginning.

 

Well, it was history now for my first failed gay relationship. My ex, after coming out of the shower, he seemed to be smitten with that guest and as both are in the same field, they hit off so well instantaneously.

 

And they were having dinner at the mall next to my ex's place like the next day. It was agreed and told to me that it was just dinner as the chap needed a dinner companion. By the way, he was attached to a lawyer for 8 years then.

 

But guess what? When I was still working at 915pm, I texted my ex to ask how was dinner. He sheepishly said they were in his room at that time.

 

OMFG! From dinner company to bed company?

 

I was disturbed and rushed down in cab to my ex's place immediately, even before my shift was to end at 945pm.

 

I arrived at the door. Pressed the doorbell. It took my ex a while to open the door. He was shocked to see me.

 

I didn't enter the flat as that chap was in my ex's bedroom. Naked or not, I didn't know. But my ex was in singlet and shorts.

 

My confrontation followed and all my ex showed was a sense of guilt on his face. I was talking most of the time and I asked what happened to dinner company only?

 

My ex kept quiet for a while. Then he said it was so natural that after dinner, they just walked towards his block and then onto the bed.

 

I was totally full of anger and walked towards the lift. My ex didn't follow me immediately. I didn't press for the lift doors to close and just was hoping he would enter the lift but he didn't. He saw me descend in the lift and he told me afterwards when he finally found me that he went into his flat to grab his wallet and keys so that he could send me home in a cab. His phone was already with him when he opened the door for me. And also, he had to let that chap go as the chap was going to pick up his boyfriend.

 

How absurd! I was so upset and we argued a few times over that chap in the following weeks.

 

I could still remember that we were flying to Hong Kong for his birthday trip and as he had auto-roaming service, he was always texting to that chap. I didn't feel good and told my ex that he might be physically here with me, but his heart was back in Singapore.

 

He then stopped the communication with the chap and only contacted him at night before we slept.

 

Then when we touched down at Changi Airport, my ex's parents were waiting for us as they just returned from their Japanese trip.

 

We were arranging for a maxicab to send us to my ex's place but he told me to go home instead as before the trip to Hong Kong, I was staying at his place for a week. 

 

He said I should go back to see my parents and helped me get a cab separately as maxicab was unable to travel to 2 different locations.

 

I had wanted to go to his place but I listened to him.

 

Little did I know that the chap actually visited my ex at my ex's flat. Yes, my ex was still staying alone at that time. His parents were living just a floor below with his single uncle.

 

It was 1130pm when they met and the chap left only around 1am as my ex told me honestly.

 

Both had to wake up around 530am in order to report for work at 7am. Yet, they still chose to meet. What was this urgency? They must have missed each other so much.

 

No wonder my ex insisted that I should go home instead that night.

 

Oh well, I knew something was brewing between them and just a few weeks later in June 2018, my ex asked for a break up. It was just 12 days before we could celebrate our 11th anniversary. And I had some plans already.

 

Yeap. A fairy tale ended.

 

All I could wish for is that I hope my ex isn't being controlled by the chap as he played mind games with me. He once claimed that if he wanted my ex as his partner, he would definitely get him from me.

 

Indeed, I lost.

 

[radiusulnar]

given your bad past experience, do you wish to give the same bad experience to your present friend?

[earth_tone]

7 hours ago, Guest GuestFunSeeker said:

...

 

Fast forward to these recent years, all thanks to Grindr, we were connected.

 

It was purely chatting and though he did ask for sex, but I declined a few times as I was partnered to my first boyfriend. But we ended pretty ugly after being together for 11 years.  ...

 

Now 'ex' is which one, Your first boyfriend or your senior? Not very clear. 

And again this story does not connect to your original post. Originally you got involved with your friend's bf and now you are saying some random 3somer got involved with your 'ex'. A little confusing.

 

Oh well, it is just a story. Who cares.

[Pause]

On 2/25/2023 at 4:40 AM, Guest Guest said:

you very one kind. baotoh his partner to ur friend before then now end up you are the fb. so fake. later got karma. though i think its not uncommon to have people like you in the circle. 

 

 

Totally agree. People like that just need these drama to make themselves feel like they are so wanted by people. Pretending to be guilty but feeling good about ppls partner wanting damn. 

[Guest Lol]

I know right. I used to go to bed fantasising that my bf is cheating on me, so that I can feel the pain of losing the love... 

 

But somehow when I wake up, it makes me cherish him even more when he is so boring and has no sexhal desire to sleep around.. 

 

Or is my fantasy just wishing that he is more sexually attractive. Like somehow if he can attract another guy, but he's already with me. Means my guy has some value. 

 

I dunno. It's some warped fantasy 

[Guest KMT]

On 2/18/2023 at 2:37 AM, Guest Funseeker said:

Hi. My partner allows me to play outside our relationship. And I only started to have outside fun 3years5months into our relationship. That was October last year. Since then, I met 9 old flings and new chaps. And I had this 5some with a friend's partner. We have been keeping in touch and just days ago, I met up with this friend's partner and we had sex. I would like to have him as my regular fun buddy. Am I betraying my friend? I used to tell him I saw his partner on Grindr seeking sex. This friend has since adopted "one eye is open one eye is closed" perspective on his partner's outside fun as he feels that it is better for the relationship as his partner will be happy. But I do feel guilty towards my friend. 

Don’t be surprised, your friend might be having regular fun with your bf too…