Gay men's bleak future? Who could I inform if I am hospitalised...?

[Guest Whywhy]

Mum suddenly called and told me she needs to go for an operation after seeing a specialist.

 

Although she is in quite good heath in her 70s compared to her peers, no major health issues. She has gone for multiple operations. Eg. Cataract, womb.... This time is for Fistula-in-ano (FIA) and Hemorrhoid.

 

It seems to me all these issues are due to aging and I will get them one day too. 

 

When my turns comes, I wonder who could I inform...? Who will accompany me and wait for me outside the operation theatre? Who will send me home and take care of me during the recovery period?

 

I'm already feeling stressful from the pressure of work daily. Taking leave means work will pile up and performance will be affected and job security at sake.

 

I'm also getting old and having more and more health issues but I dare not tell her.

 

Whenever I think of this, I feel depressed. Is this what life is all about? Stress > Sick > Die

[Guest Guest]

Sad but true.

 

If you work in the healthcare industry, you will be surprised by how many people (esp the elderly) in the hospital who have no visitors at all. 

Having kids is no guarantee that you will be well taken care of when you are old.

Sometimes, you will see the elderly patient's adult children only on the admission and discharge days, but not in between.

 

Anyway, try to get your health problems checked and resolved while you still have time. You don't need to let your mum know if you are not comfortable.

 

In the meantime, maybe explore and find a religion that will answer your questions about the meaning of life in a way that will satisfy you. Having a strong religious faith will also help calm your fears about the future, dying, and the afterlife.

 

You sound like a good son. One day, I hope you will be rewarded. Take care.

[Mojohomme]

53 minutes ago, Guest Whywhy said:

Mum suddenly called and told me she needs to go for an operation after seeing a specialist.

 

Although she is in quite good heath in her 70s compared to her peers, no major health issues. She has gone for multiple operations. Eg. Cataract, womb.... This time is for Fistula-in-ano (FIA) and Hemorrhoid.

 

It seems to me all these issues are due to aging and I will get them one day too. 

 

When my turns comes, I wonder who could I inform...? Who will accompany me and wait for me outside the operation theatre? Who will send me home and take care of me during the recovery period?

 

I'm already feeling stressful from the pressure of work daily. Taking leave means work will pile up and performance will be affected and job security at sake.

 

I'm also getting old and having more and more health issues but I dare not tell her.

 

Whenever I think of this, I feel depressed. Is this what life is all about? Stress > Sick > Die

when i am warded, i do not need anyone with me. it is the best me time. I dun understand why do i need a love one with me just to see how worried they are? there was once i went to do a day surgery when the hospital ask a close one to fetch me. i say no need, let me sign a declaration and i can go home on a cab.

[Guest Whywhy]

3 minutes ago, Mojohomme said:

when i am warded, i do not need anyone with me. it is the best me time. I dun understand why do i need a love one with me just to see how worried they are? there was once i went to do a day surgery when the hospital ask a close one to fetch me. i say no need, let me sign a declaration and i can go home on a cab.

 

I did that once too when I had day surgery. If it's a simple surgery, I think it's still manageable when we are not very old yet.

 

I recall one of the major surgeries my mum had. The nurse just rushed through the instructions for medications after pushing her out. My mum was in semi conscious state and she did not catch any.

 

Luckily, I was there get her to repeat. If not, the patient might end up dying.

 

My point is, at that moment, no matter how smart, alert or young, you need assistance from someone trusted and reliable to look out for you.

[Mojohomme]

4 minutes ago, Guest Whywhy said:

 

I did that once too when I had day surgery. If it's a simple surgery, I think it's still manageable when we are not very old yet.

 

I recall one of the major surgeries my mum had. The nurse just rushed through the instructions for medications after pushing her out. My mum was in semi conscious state and she did not catch any.

 

Luckily, I was there get her to repeat. If not, the patient might end up dying.

 

My point is, at that moment, no matter how smart, alert or young, you need assistance from someone trusted and reliable to look out for you.

if my time has come, let me go. 

[auscent]

A friend I know is here in HK all alone, family overseas.

He's in 50s, went for major operation plus icu alone. Post surgery alone. Recovery alone. 

Me and another fren became his power of attorney 2 weeks before. When he woke up in icu, he called me to inform family.

Humans can be far stronger than we think.

[Steve5380]

9 minutes ago, auscent said:

A friend I know is here in HK all alone, family overseas.

He's in 50s, went for major operation plus icu alone. Post surgery alone. Recovery alone. 

Me and another fren became his power of attorney 2 weeks before. When he woke up in icu, he called me to inform family.

Humans can be far stronger than we think.

 

What you described is a good arrangement.  To have a friend nearby with medical power of attorney. We can be strong.   I now live by myself,  fortunately in good health. But I use minor medical services here and there,  and I do everything by myself.  I have a son, who lives at 3 hours by car away, and can come over in an emergency.  But there can be better options:

 

1 hour ago, Guest Whywhy said:

 

When my turns comes, I wonder who could I inform...? Who will accompany me and wait for me outside the operation theatre? Who will send me home and take care of me during the recovery period?

 

I'm also getting old and having more and more health issues but I dare not tell her.

Whenever I think of this, I feel depressed. Is this what life is all about? Stress > Sick > Die

 

As an older person, you are entitled to free yourself from the opinions of others and live your life according to your nature.  You should be able to find a suitable companion, in your case, another gay man.   It does not need to be a hot romance with plenty of sex.  A good natured person who can be loveable, with some common interests that can make him a good companion.   Then, you will support each other.  Mutual medical powers of attorney  ( ability to make medical decisions for another person who is incapacitated to make them himself ).  When we need medical treatment,  it is better, and medical personnel also prefer this, if we have with us a potential caretaker.  This worked well for my disabled bf when I took him and went with him to countless medical visits.  He would have done the same for me,  but unfortunately, I had to survive him.

[Why?]

41 minutes ago, Guest Whywhy said:

My point is, at that moment, no matter how smart, alert or young, you need assistance from someone trusted and reliable to look out for you.

You said that when we you are alone...blah blah blah..... then who else?? do you expect to be around other than GOD who will eventually take care of the entire process?  God is presence in one's weakest moment.    Your personal religion belief should see you through and through, unless you are concerned about your cat and puppy who need to be fed while you are away.   The latter should be a simpler solution and require a distinct discussion about human preparedness and decluttering,  In your new chapter, you should see yourself as no longer a mommy boy but a child of God or Buddha, Allah, Shiva...whatever. 

[cutejack]

3 hours ago, Guest Whywhy said:

Mum suddenly called and told me she needs to go for an operation after seeing a specialist.

 

Although she is in quite good heath in her 70s compared to her peers, no major health issues. She has gone for multiple operations. Eg. Cataract, womb.... This time is for Fistula-in-ano (FIA) and Hemorrhoid.

 

It seems to me all these issues are due to aging and I will get them one day too. 

 

When my turns comes, I wonder who could I inform...? Who will accompany me and wait for me outside the operation theatre? Who will send me home and take care of me during the recovery period?

 

I'm already feeling stressful from the pressure of work daily. Taking leave means work will pile up and performance will be affected and job security at sake.

 

I'm also getting old and having more and more health issues but I dare not tell her.

 

Whenever I think of this, I feel depressed. Is this what life is all about? Stress > Sick > Die

Now u know why I always say get a bf for needy days n not only for best fuck in life. Many here only chatting n discussing about bf , fun , sex and no need to stay together if sex is bad blah blah blah. But they fail to realise we need someone called bf to take care during old age. Take care each other. Sad to say that many go after good looking n sex but facts say care n love is more important n last forever.

[robin]

A gay man who is single will face the same situation as a straight man who is single as well. So do built a strong & close network of friends if possible. Nevertheless, regardless of whether you are single, attached or married, there will still be situations in life that eventually, you still have to deal with them alone. Bobian 

[auscent]

Society has changed: offline socialisation, community involvement,  couplehood, longetivity, family sizes. It is less abt getting bf, family members.

 

But more abt how to handle matters alone. 

[Guest Derelict]

If you are a church member, it helps I know members who  take care of other members.

 

Eg giving visiting missionaries a place to stay.

 

Buying food for members who have to remain at home during covid.

 

Help to to care of babies.

 

Heard there's a gay friendly church in spore?

 

[Steve5380]

22 hours ago, cutejack said:

Now u know why I always say get a bf for needy days n not only for best fuck in life. Many here only chatting n discussing about bf , fun , sex and no need to stay together if sex is bad blah blah blah. But they fail to realise we need someone called bf to take care during old age. Take care each other. Sad to say that many go after good looking n sex but facts say care n love is more important n last forever.

 

And not only during old age.  We should try to have a companion in middle age, or as soon as we are free to live a more gay life.  We may need assistance much sooner than in old age.