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Do nice guys always finish last?


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I have heard the same reason of rejection. Not once, but a few times. 

 

"I like bad boy kind".

 

What does this mean? How to be a bad boy? 

 

Will treating someone nice eventually win his heart? Or do I have to act indifferent and play hard to get to make things work? 

 

If I'm a nice person by nature, how to act indifferent? What if it backfires? 

 

Has any of your dates/exs returned to you after realising you had treated him the nicest?

Edited by kidster
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Nice guy do finish last unfortunately. I was genuine and nice in all of my relationship. Granted, I was not perfect and I was difficult too. But we just ended up with people who doesn’t know how to appreciate us. 
 

Nice people are usually taken for granted, we provide, don’t expect much in return. We don’t set proper boundaries allowed people to hurt us over and over again. 
 

I don’t fault humans, we are flawed. We will always take advantage of things. We won’t appreciate them only when we lose it. Yes, they do ended up coming back. They will realise that what they previously had was genuine. 
 

But don’t let others dictate who you should be. You should be nice but just learn to set proper boundaries and make sure people don’t overstep it.

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8 minutes ago, strangeName said:

Nice guy do finish last unfortunately. I was genuine and nice in all of my relationship. Granted, I was not perfect and I was difficult too. But we just ended up with people who doesn’t know how to appreciate us. 
 

Nice people are usually taken for granted, we provide, don’t expect much in return. We don’t set proper boundaries allowed people to hurt us over and over again. 
 

I don’t fault humans, we are flawed. We will always take advantage of things. We won’t appreciate them only when we lose it. Yes, they do ended up coming back. They will realise that what they previously had was genuine. 
 

But don’t let others dictate who you should be. You should be nice but just learn to set proper boundaries and make sure people don’t overstep it.

Did you give them a second chance when they return to you? 

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2 minutes ago, kidster said:

Did you give them a second chance when they return to you? 

Well, there must be a good reason they were let go or left the first time. 

It's never the same second time round.

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32 minutes ago, kidster said:

Did you give them a second chance when they return to you? 

No, my philosophy or thinking is this and it may or may not apply to you or anyone else here.

 

Loving someone is a choice, choosing them is a choice. They choose to walk away there will not be a second chance.

 

I am by no means a backup option because you have to make a mistake with someone then you can see the value in me.

 

No, second chance is not given. 

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1 hour ago, kidster said:

I have heard the same reason of rejection. Not once, but a few times. 

 

"I like bad boy kind".

 

What does this mean? How to be a bad boy? 

 

Will treating someone nice eventually win his heart? Or do I have to act indifferent and play hard to get to make things work? 

 

If I'm a nice person by nature, how to act indifferent? What if it backfires? 

 

Has any of your dates/exs returned to you after realising you had treated him the nicest?

 

I had one experience which made me realize it's a blessing in disguise to be rejected by others. I was dating one guy for a few weeks. He was smitten with me and I was ready to enter ltr with him. So when he suddenly ghosted me, I simply couldn't understand and accept it. It was months later that we met one last time. While he didn't tell me why he suddenly chose to ghost me, I finally understood the reason. It was then that I realized that we were really incompatible and I was really glad that we didn't become an item.

 

Usually it's rare that someone would come back to you as most people would choose to move on if it doesn't work out. But last year, someone did approach me again after not keeping in touch for more than a year. We attempted fwb but it didn't work out. It wasn't a pleasant end and we totally deleted each other contact on line. So I was very surprised to receive a message from him. It turned out that something bad had happened to him. He said he couldn't think of anyone else to talk to. I wasn't sure what he had wanted but as far as I am concerned, being fwb again was the last thing on my mind.

 

Anyway, I really think it's a blessing to be rejected. I don't ask to be rejected but if anyone chooses to do so, I am actually very thankful. It simply means that we are not compatible and we just need to move on. My only gripe is that people should be more gracious and less rude like blocking people just cos someone is not your type. Just say no match and thank the person for the chat.

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1 hour ago, strangeName said:

Nice guy do finish last unfortunately. I was genuine and nice in all of my relationship. Granted, I was not perfect and I was difficult too. But we just ended up with people who doesn’t know how to appreciate us. 
 

Nice people are usually taken for granted, we provide, don’t expect much in return. We don’t set proper boundaries allowed people to hurt us over and over again. 
 

I don’t fault humans, we are flawed. We will always take advantage of things. We won’t appreciate them only when we lose it. Yes, they do ended up coming back. They will realise that what they previously had was genuine. 
 

But don’t let others dictate who you should be. You should be nice but just learn to set proper boundaries and make sure people don’t overstep it.

 

The problem I see here from a psychological stance is self reflection or self perception. 

I guess also nasty people will call themselves nice and genuine...

And that's the main issue.

 

Please this post is just meant as advancing the discussion and don't take it as a personal thing StrangeName!

I don't know you I can judge on you.

 

I just intend to highlight that a certain self perception can cause you to see things very different to your surrounding.

 

You may find that you were genuine and nice in these relationships.

But there are always two sides to the coin.

 

We would need the input of your ex BFs to verify what there view was and where they thought it went wrong or whether there was something that disturbed them in not continuing a relationship with you.

 

 

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1 hour ago, kidster said:

I have heard the same reason of rejection. Not once, but a few times. 

 

"I like bad boy kind".

 

What does this mean? How to be a bad boy? 

 

Will treating someone nice eventually win his heart? Or do I have to act indifferent and play hard to get to make things work? 

 

If I'm a nice person by nature, how to act indifferent? What if it backfires? 

 

Has any of your dates/exs returned to you after realising you had treated him the nicest?

 

I personally think you "overthink" on the rejection reason.

 

Usually, you would say the bad boy character is the one that falls out of the common, usual, familiar.

The guy that colours his hair green and purple, seems shocking to others, always oversteps the common accepted limits...

but can also be the naughty kinky sex boy who loves to explore kinky items.

 

To sum it up. The others seem to have taken an impression of you that you were too standard, average, not really thrilling... nothing out of the box. You didn't incite a flame that caught them...

 

BUT:

Actually, I wouldn't take most of the rejection reasons serious, alone from the fact that 90% of gays don't want any relationship at all and just come up with something.

 

It is better to check with close friends if you are a nice guy or bad guy?

 

What guy would seriously take the bad boy type as BF?

Ending up in trouble, people turning around at every corner or location, getting into heated situations etc etc...

 

Therefore, I assume it was just said to simply reject... but didn't mean much.

 

 

 

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10 hours ago, kidster said:

I have heard the same reason of rejection. Not once, but a few times. 

 

"I like bad boy kind".

 

 

I understand what you mean, but I'm not sure that the rejected "always finish last".   And "to like bad boy" is pure stupidity, not worth a second thought!

 

We naturally are rejected all the time, and we surely reject all the time.  Not only guys, but everything.  I just rejected a power tool I looked up at Amazon because I thought that I could get a better fit for my need.  And not to mention all what I rejected at the grocery stores this last holidays,  the cookies, the pastries, the pies, the Ice Cream (!) that all "smiled" to me, but were rejected by my oh! so cruel obsession with health!  😄

 

 

8 hours ago, singalion said:

 

I personally think you "overthink" on the rejection reason.

 

Actually, I wouldn't take most of the rejection reasons serious, alone from the fact that 90% of gays don't want any relationship at all and just come up with something.

 

 

You are absolutely right.  It is rare that a "likeness" results in anything more than a ONS, or an acquaintance.  Especially when we are young, we have some protective mechanism against relationships,  perhaps because our life should fill with other things at that age.  And maybe we should avoid relationships and instead preserve our freedom to do so much other stuff, which after having done, opens up a little more an interest in a relationship later in life. 

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14 hours ago, singalion said:

 

The problem I see here from a psychological stance is self reflection or self perception. 

I guess also nasty people will call themselves nice and genuine...

And that's the main issue.

 

Please this post is just meant as advancing the discussion and don't take it as a personal thing StrangeName!

I don't know you I can judge on you.

 

I just intend to highlight that a certain self perception can cause you to see things very different to your surrounding.

 

You may find that you were genuine and nice in these relationships.

But there are always two sides to the coin.

 

We would need the input of your ex BFs to verify what there view was and where they thought it went wrong or whether there was something that disturbed them in not continuing a relationship with you.

 

 

I do agree with you on this stance. I can't know for sure what they're thinking or why they would have an affair maybe I do have my flaws for them to do that. But the only question is why do they come back if they feel that our relationship was not great/genuine. Most people leave and don't look back.

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1 hour ago, strangeName said:

I do agree with you on this stance. I can't know for sure what they're thinking or why they would have an affair maybe I do have my flaws for them to do that. But the only question is why do they come back if they feel that our relationship was not great/genuine. Most people leave and don't look back.

 

Probably I would require to get too deep into the local society to reply to your last question, which I prefer to avoid here.

Feel free to PM for an answer.

 

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On 2/4/2025 at 11:06 PM, singalion said:

 

Probably I would require to get too deep into the local society to reply to your last question, which I prefer to avoid here.

Feel free to PM for an answer.

 

 

LOL!  Moderator-angst?   Or just caution...

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