Met my friend after many many years...... would you keep in touch again?

[LeL9]

recently I received a whatsapp from my so call "1st love".  He is straight, back then I was very close with him and I didnt openly express my love for him. When we were in Uni, he found his love and got married after graduation. I didnt attend his wedding and i decided to forget him. He was busy with his life and we never keep in touch anymore. We are FB friends, but never follow each other, so we didnt know what happened to each other all these years. 

 

After many many years, he whatsapp me and asked to meetup. Initially I hesitated but eventually we met for coffee and had a long chat. I was very frank with him and told him back then I really liked him and was very upset that he got married. And I made a decision not to contact him again, he kind of understand. Am I stupid to tell him all these?  His children are teens now he has a good career, but relationship with his wife is so so. I sense that he is not happy with his family life and feel a little bit of somewhat depress.  BTW I am attached and I told my BF about this friend. Shall I continue to maintain a friendship with him? 

[juicyass]

29 minutes ago, LeL9 said:

recently I received a whatsapp from my so call "1st love".  He is straight, back then I was very close with him and I didnt openly express my love for him. When we were in Uni, he found his love and got married after graduation. I didnt attend his wedding and i decided to forget him. He was busy with his life and we never keep in touch anymore. We are FB friends, but never follow each other, so we didnt know what happened to each other all these years. 

 

After many many years, he whatsapp me and asked to meetup. Initially I hesitated but eventually we met for coffee and had a long chat. I was very frank with him and told him back then I really liked him and was very upset that he got married. And I made a decision not to contact him again, he kind of understand. Am I stupid to tell him all these?  His children are teens now he has a good career, but relationship with his wife is so so. I sense that he is not happy with his family life and feel a little bit of somewhat depress.  BTW I am attached and I told my BF about this friend. Shall I continue to maintain a friendship with him? 

 

It boils down to how much you value this unrequited friendship. I can tell that he has his hidden agenda like wanting to explore his bi-curious side with you. Or else, after all these years, he decided to text you again for a random meetup? No straight married man ever would do that out of the blue. They always choose the ones they usually know of  and highly suspecting. Since he sort of knew you were gay back then, he maybe want to start from you. Very typical of them. 

 

If you and him can respect each other's boundaries, i believe the platonic friendship can be maintained as it is. Or else, let his desire unfolds itself. Won't be surprised after a few meetups, you would be on your knee in some random toilet cubicle in the mall deepthroating his meat, and after the encounter he ghosts you forever. Typical bicurious men with his curious adventures.

 

Spoken from my experiences here. 

[cbm]

It's fine to share how you felt about him last time. It was a long time ago.

 

We can't be sure if he has a hidden agenda or not. As people grow older, our circle of friends tends to get smaller. He may genuinely want a close, platonic friendship. It's easier to reconnect with old friends than to find new ones.

 

If he does have a hidden agenda about exploring intimacy with you, if I were in your shoes, I would keep it strictly platonic. Your friendship with him is too valuable to risk ruining (and also your relationship with your bf and his relationship with his wife) if drama ensues from both of you being intimate together.

[LeL9]

5 hours ago, juicyass said:

 

It boils down to how much you value this unrequited friendship. I can tell that he has his hidden agenda like wanting to explore his bi-curious side with you. Or else, after all these years, he decided to text you again for a random meetup? No straight married man ever would do that out of the blue. They always choose the ones they usually know of  and highly suspecting. Since he sort of knew you were gay back then, he maybe want to start from you. Very typical of them. 

 

If you and him can respect each other's boundaries, i believe the platonic friendship can be maintained as it is. Or else, let his desire unfolds itself. Won't be surprised after a few meetups, you would be on your knee in some random toilet cubicle in the mall deepthroating his meat, and after the encounter he ghosts you forever. Typical bicurious men with his curious adventures.

 

Spoken from my experiences here. 

 

 

wow...I didnt think of it this way. I mean I dun know why he suddenly decide to reconnect again. I dun have that feeling he is approaching me for intimacy. 

[LeL9]

5 hours ago, cbm said:

It's fine to share how you felt about him last time. It was a long time ago.

 

We can't be sure if he has a hidden agenda or not. As people grow older, our circle of friends tends to get smaller. He may genuinely want a close, platonic friendship. It's easier to reconnect with old friends than to find new ones.

 

If he does have a hidden agenda about exploring intimacy with you, if I were in your shoes, I would keep it strictly platonic. Your friendship with him is too valuable to risk ruining (and also your relationship with your bf and his relationship with his wife) if drama ensues from both of you being intimate together.

 

 

Ya you are right, as we grow older, we have fewer friends. Through our conversation, I feel my friend is also experiencing this. I fully agree with you, its easier to connect with old friend. 

I am not sure if he has any hidden agenda, but i know I dont have any love feelings for him anymore.  I put in a lot of effort to forget him many years ago. 

Edited June 29 by LeL9
typo

[MasterFitMalaySG4U]

Haha...the question if u keep in touch? For me; Nope never! Till end of time. Haha it is better that way. I am the type who don't like drama mama n lots of blahs!!!! Haha 

 

 

[leckmich]

do you still have feelings for him?  i think you can still be friends, after all you are already attached?  i felt there was no need to cut him off totally.

 

does he still look hot?  lol.  jk

[cbm]

5 hours ago, LeL9 said:

but i know I dont have any love feelings for him anymore. 

 

Thanks for sharing this piece of info. When you broached this topic, it reminded me of my own experiences. In my late teens, there was a certain guy that I had a crush on. But I realized that the person I am today is different than who I was back then. I have changed. If I had met the guy today, I wouldn't have the same feelings for him that I did last time. 

 

So the question I had in my mind was whether you have changed, and it looks like you have. With you and your friend, now there two dynamics in your relationship that you get to enjoy:

 

- nostalgia from when you were friends last time

- getting to know the current version of you and the current version of him

[radiusulnar]

Agree that it is easier to reconnect with old acquaintances than to make new friends. But after a long period of time it is necessary to re examine whether there is any motive in a sudden reconnection. 

[Rice60640]

Friendship is a two way street and it takes effort from both sides to maintain a friendship. Maybe he consider your past friendship with him as “unresolved” as you said you were quite close but you didn’t attend his wedding and  he just needed closure. In any case, if you deemed that it’s worthwhile to keep the friendship and he feels the same way then by all means. Yes. Even friendship has ROI considerations. I do agree that our friendship circle gets smaller as we age. 

[Nivek]

Since it's you that decide not to contact him any more after his marriage, I won't blame him for anything actually. 

 

So it really depends on how you feel, if you want to be just friends with him again. Or will it be opening up old and new wounds, new drama? If yes, just avoid him.

[cutejack]

20 hours ago, LeL9 said:

recently I received a whatsapp from my so call "1st love".  He is straight, back then I was very close with him and I didnt openly express my love for him. When we were in Uni, he found his love and got married after graduation. I didnt attend his wedding and i decided to forget him. He was busy with his life and we never keep in touch anymore. We are FB friends, but never follow each other, so we didnt know what happened to each other all these years. 

 

After many many years, he whatsapp me and asked to meetup. Initially I hesitated but eventually we met for coffee and had a long chat. I was very frank with him and told him back then I really liked him and was very upset that he got married. And I made a decision not to contact him again, he kind of understand. Am I stupid to tell him all these?  His children are teens now he has a good career, but relationship with his wife is so so. I sense that he is not happy with his family life and feel a little bit of somewhat depress.  BTW I am attached and I told my BF about this friend. Shall I continue to maintain a friendship with him? 

Actually finally ,u got the opportunity to makan him kaw kaw since he is " so so " with his wife.  But but, since u have bf, pls don't have anything intimate with yr fren. Coz not worth. Just hi bye ,send morning greetings n stop there. Don't jeopardise ur relationship with yr bf. Coz one can't trust married men for good. They forever would still prefer their own wife. OK. Thank u. Haha

[LeL9]

15 hours ago, leckmich said:

do you still have feelings for him?  i think you can still be friends, after all you are already attached?  i felt there was no need to cut him off totally.

 

does he still look hot?  lol.  jk

No more for him. I look at him differently now.  He is not hot man, very normal family man.

[LeL9]

9 hours ago, Rice60640 said:

Friendship is a two way street and it takes effort from both sides to maintain a friendship. Maybe he consider your past friendship with him as “unresolved” as you said you were quite close but you didn’t attend his wedding and  he just needed closure. In any case, if you deemed that it’s worthwhile to keep the friendship and he feels the same way then by all means. Yes. Even friendship has ROI considerations. I do agree that our friendship circle gets smaller as we age. 

I didnt attend his wedding back then because I was very sad and was feeling a little depression that time. 

 

wow friendship also need ROI meh..... my god. 

[LeL9]

6 hours ago, cutejack said:

Actually finally ,u got the opportunity to makan him kaw kaw since he is " so so " with his wife.  But but, since u have bf, pls don't have anything intimate with yr fren. Coz not worth. Just hi bye ,send morning greetings n stop there. Don't jeopardise ur relationship with yr bf. Coz one can't trust married men for good. They forever would still prefer their own wife. OK. Thank u. Haha

wow lau.....what eat him kaw kaw.... LOL no lah. I am not interested to do with him anymore......hahaha

 

"one can't trust married men for good." is it really that bad? 

[lonelyglobe]

Need to be careful,  probably facing financial difficulties and need to borrow money

[ziurtis]

On 6/29/2026 at 6:11 PM, LeL9 said:

but relationship with his wife is so so. I sense that he is not happy with his family life and feel a little bit of somewhat depress. 

Personally, I wouldn't trust someone who look for a long lost friend to pour out their marital woes. Marriage is between the couple, I could never understand why people would share their spousal problem unless abuse/danger is involved. I would question his intent, is it to gain sympathy? to seek comfort from another person?

 

On 6/29/2026 at 6:11 PM, LeL9 said:

Am I stupid to tell him all these? 

Worst case scenario, you probably confirmed his suspicions, hence he laid out his sob story strategy thinking you are a convenient option. maybe he like to think they have some higher morals by going to someone they know than a hookup with a stranger.

 

Or he could be an insurance agent or in some MLM scheme looking for someone for sales 🤣

 

I would suggest no contact since you are already happily attached. there is no point to wading in muddy waters.

[wanton_mee]

if you are happy and all good without him then continue your life as it is. Don't risk your current happiness and wellbeing. 

[leckmich]

maybe i am too innocent, why can't they be friends?  ok, he is a normal family man. there are no more feelings, so they can just be friends, right?  no need for roi too; if you need roi,  then you are not just friends, as friends just be there for each other, with no expectations etc, imho.  he does not want to eat him kaw kaw, lol.  

 

ok, i guess the best way is just to ask him indirectly why the suddden contact.  

[passinthenight]

55 minutes ago, leckmich said:

maybe i am too innocent, why can't they be friends?  ok, he is a normal family man. there are no more feelings, so they can just be friends, right?  no need for roi too; if you need roi,  then you are not just friends, as friends just be there for each other, with no expectations etc, imho.  he does not want to eat him kaw kaw, lol.  

 

ok, i guess the best way is just to ask him indirectly why the suddden contact.  

 

I'm with you on this one. The thread starter seems to be open and honest.

Why not just be friends and chit chat about the good old days and how things are today.

 

[leckmich]

ikr, life is too short to hold grudges etc?

[Kimochi]

52 minutes ago, leckmich said:

ikr, life is too short to hold grudges etc?

IF the Person did utmost combo on you eg cheat you all your life savings and gifted you free HIV. Will you hold grudges or will you let go? IT forever depend on context.

Edited July 1 by Kimochi

[miles]

I had an army bunk mate whom I used to go clubbing with. I was still in denial at that time and was 'trying' to be straight. Both of us got to know a girl at the club and were interested in her. 

 

I got immensely jealous when I saw them talking and for some reason, he started drifting away from me in camp.

 

I was upset, heartbroken for a long time... until I realized that I was not upset and heartbroken over her. I had a massive crush on him. But again - denial mode was full-on. 

 

His bunk bed is opposite mine and every night I see him drying up after a shower - bare-chested, 6 pack and all. And his goofy smile everything he makes a stupid joke. 

 

Never really got over him even after we have left the army. Visited him in Australia shortly after we ORD but he made everything as distant as possible. Even during reservist we hardly spoke (and it was awkward). It was unrequited crush that never went anywhere.  

 

My life is exactly where it needs to be now and there's no point of ripping open a wound again because chances are things will not end well. 

Edited July 1 by miles

[leckmich]

43 minutes ago, Kimochi said:

IF the Person did utmost combo on you eg cheat you all your life savings and gifted you free HIV. Will you hold grudges or will you let go? IT forever depend on context.

fair enough.  but the context here is the guy has done neither.

[leckmich]

28 minutes ago, miles said:

I had an army bunk mate whom I used to go clubbing with. I was still in denial at that time and was 'trying' to be straight. Both of us got to know a girl at the club and were interested in her. 

 

I got immensely jealous when I saw them talking and for some reason, he started drifting away from me in camp.

 

I was upset, heartbroken for a long time... until I realized that I was not upset and heartbroken over her. I had a massive crush on him. But again - denial mode was full-on. 

 

His bunk bed is opposite mine and every night I see him drying up after a shower - bare-chested, 6 pack and all. And his goofy smile everything he makes a stupid joke. 

 

Never really got over him even after we have left the army. Visited him in Australia shortly after we ORD but he made everything as distant as possible. Even during reservist we hardly spoke (and it was awkward). It was unrequited crush that never went anywhere.  

 

My life is exactly where it needs to be now and there's no point of ripping open a wound again because chances are things will not end well. 

so the guy is straight, right?  fck, his abs must have been hott, lol  

 

is he still hott, lol

[trinka55]

No, I don’t think you were stupid for telling him. In fact, what you did sounds more like honest closure than a confession intended to disrupt his life.

For many people, a “first love” or an unspoken love leaves a lingering question for decades. By telling him that you had strong feelings back then and that his marriage was painful for you, you gave context to why you disappeared from his life. That can actually make the reunion more genuine and less mysterious.

 

The more important question is: what happens now?

From what you described, a few things stand out:

• He is married and appears to be emotionally dissatisfied.

• You are currently attached and were transparent with your boyfriend, which is a healthy sign.

• There is a history of unresolved feelings between you (even if they were never acted upon).

• The recent meetup created emotional intimacy very quickly.

 

Can you remain friends?

Yes — but only if the friendship has clear boundaries.

I’d ask yourself these questions:

Self-check questions

• Are you hoping, even secretly, that he might someday choose you?

• Do you find yourself thinking about him much more than before the meetup?

• Would you be comfortable if your boyfriend had a similarly intimate reconnection with an old love?

• Are your conversations becoming emotionally deeper than what you normally share with ordinary friends?

• Do you feel responsible for his unhappiness or want to “save” him?

 

One thing I’d be careful about

When someone is struggling in a marriage, an old admirer can easily become an emotional refuge. That doesn’t mean either of you intends to have an affair. But emotional affairs often begin with:

• “We’re just catching up.”

• “He understands me.”

• “I’m only supporting him.”

• “Nothing physical is happening.”

Given your history, the risk is not zero.

 

My practical suggestion

A balanced approach

Maintain the friendship, but keep it in the “old friend” category, not the “primary emotional confidant” category.

 

• Meet occasionally in public settings.

• Avoid late-night emotionally charged messaging.

• Don’t become the person he vents to constantly about his marriage.

• Continue being transparent with your boyfriend.

• Notice your own feelings honestly.

 

One final thought

 

The fact that you told your boyfriend about the meetup is actually a very good sign.

People who are already drifting into something secretive usually hide it. Your openness suggests you’re trying to handle this ethically.

If I were in your position, I would keep the friendship light and bounded for a few months and observe how both of you behave. If you notice growing emotional dependence, longing, jealousy, or secrecy, that’s the signal to step back.

What I’m most curious about is this: after the coffee meetup, did you feel peace and closure, or did you feel that old attachment becoming alive again?

That answer will probably tell you more than anything else.

Edited July 1 by trinka55
Spelling error

[LeL9]

8 hours ago, leckmich said:

maybe i am too innocent, why can't they be friends?  ok, he is a normal family man. there are no more feelings, so they can just be friends, right?  no need for roi too; if you need roi,  then you are not just friends, as friends just be there for each other, with no expectations etc, imho.  he does not want to eat him kaw kaw, lol.  

 

ok, i guess the best way is just to ask him indirectly why the suddden contact.  

Ya....I kind of same thinking like you....  I will find an opportunity to ask him why out of the blue reconnect again. 

[LeL9]

57 minutes ago, trinka55 said:

No, I don’t think you were stupid for telling him. In fact, what you did sounds more like honest closure than a confession intended to disrupt his life.

For many people, a “first love” or an unspoken love leaves a lingering question for decades. By telling him that you had strong feelings back then and that his marriage was painful for you, you gave context to why you disappeared from his life. That can actually make the reunion more genuine and less mysterious.

 

The more important question is: what happens now?

 

 

wow...Ur analysis is very detailed, I need to read it few times. You hit the right point, its more of finding a closure than a confession.   The rest of your questions....I have to think about it before I post a reply.  

[cutejack]

19 hours ago, LeL9 said:

wow lau.....what eat him kaw kaw.... LOL no lah. I am not interested to do with him anymore......hahaha

 

"one can't trust married men for good." is it really that bad? 

Of course u can't trust them for long term coz they don't belong to u. We forever can't own something which don't belong to us especially the feeling for married guys has for their wife. 

Can touch n go but since u r attached, no way for that too. 

[wanton_mee]

9 hours ago, leckmich said:

maybe i am too innocent, why can't they be friends?  ok, he is a normal family man. there are no more feelings, so they can just be friends, right?  no need for roi too; if you need roi,  then you are not just friends, as friends just be there for each other, with no expectations etc, imho.  he does not want to eat him kaw kaw, lol.  

 

ok, i guess the best way is just to ask him indirectly why the suddden contact.  

Why ask. Just read n leave it 😁

[doncoin]

The thing that struck me the most about the situation is that you know he is straight and probably deep down, you know there is a probability of him rejecting your romantic advances. So you did the whole distancing act when you were younger to deal with your feelings of being rejected before you actually got rejected by him. It just tells me you don't handle rejection well (real or imaginary). He didn't know he was your "first love" and he is supposed to reciprocate your feelings even thought he is straight. I assume none of this were communicated to him then. 

 

So years later, you repeated the same behavioral pattern when he WhatsApp you. However, this time, you shared how you felt and really it was nice of him to understand you. The thing is, as you've said, he understood why you did what you did. He got punished by you simply because you cannot handle rejection that he didn't do.

 

You are basically too self-absorbed and what you have done is withhold your friendship from this guy as punishment for not being gay. You did that for years, except this time, after telling him how you felt, you decided to continue indulge in your need to punish him. None of this was his doing other than the fact that he is straight. 

 

Now that you sense he is not too happy with his family life, you are questioning your decision. Simply because whatever he is going through. now is an opportunity for you to be the white knight. Something in your head is feeding you the fantasy that maybe there is chance to fulfill this missed opportunity. 

 

You didn't just tell your BF about him, you are telling the strangers on this forum about him, and your situation. Telling your BF now about your unresolved feelings about your "first love" is not going to help your relationship. It is one thing if your feelings are done with this guy and. you can tell your BF what happened. It is another when you still have conflict and no resolution. 

 

Your decisions and behavior are based out of selfishness, your needs. So do what feels right by you. This really is an exercise on self-indulgence. 

 

 

Edited July 1 by doncoin

[ToughGuy]

On 7/1/2026 at 12:51 PM, leckmich said:

ikr, life is too short to hold grudges etc?

Very well said... Anyway, getting married n having kids are just normal ma

[cbm]

Wah. I think punish is too strong a term bah. Like when you have unrequited feelings for someone, you know it's not gonna work out. And you walk away, to guard your own heart. It's more about self preservation than punishing that someone. 

[doncoin]

3 hours ago, cbm said:

Wah. I think punish is too strong a term bah. Like when you have unrequited feelings for someone, you know it's not gonna work out. And you walk away, to guard your own heart. It's more about self preservation than punishing that someone. 

 

 

But in walking away, he chose to withhold the friendship, even though the friend did nothing wrong. Why should this friend deal with the consequences for being straight? Isn't it a form of "punishment?" We get punished if we do something wrong. In this case, what was done "wrong" is that the friend is straight. So for that, his relationship with @LeL9 is withdrawn. 

 

His friend does not even know that @LeL9 had romantic intentions about him back in the day. It was not communicated.  What is he truly self-preserving in isolating this friend? A broken heart? I don't think so. Looking at it objectively, in a one-sided unrequited romantic situation, where the romantic intentions were not communicated. Maybe this friend is expected to know how @LeL9 feels, since they were close. Just as we are all expected to know how others feel without them saying anything. 

 

 

[leckmich]

On 7/1/2026 at 4:36 PM, wanton_mee said:

Why ask. Just read n leave it 😁

Just so there is no misunderstandings, in case you misjudged him etc, lol. 
 

give him (and yourself) the benefit of the doubt, right?

[LeL9]

" now is an opportunity for you to be the white knight. Something in your head is feeding you the fantasy that maybe there is chance to fulfill this missed opportunity. " 

I dun have this thought.   

 

" We get punished if we do something wrong. In this case, what was done "wrong" is that the friend is straight."

I dont see it this way, as a form of punishment. Back then, there was no right or wrong, we were young and I just decided not to keep in touch.  

 

" in a one-sided unrequited romantic situation, where the romantic intentions were not communicated" 

Yes, its more like this.

[LeL9]

On 7/2/2026 at 9:04 PM, cbm said:

Wah. I think punish is too strong a term bah. Like when you have unrequited feelings for someone, you know it's not gonna work out. And you walk away, to guard your own heart. It's more about self preservation than punishing that someone. 

 

Yes, you are right. 

[doncoin]

On 7/3/2026 at 1:46 PM, LeL9 said:

 

Yes, you are right. 

 

 

The fact is you've withheld your friendship for something he couldn't help it (being straight). He did not even hurt you in anyway emotionally. The issue is not him, you know him for who he is. The issue is your inability to deal with him being straight. 

 

 

[Glyph]

Even if he didn't know why you decided to distance yourself then, feels like your friend's pretty mature for letting it happen.

 

It's rare to reconnect with a close one, don't let the opportunity go to waste.

[onlylonely]

Keep it a distance. 

 

Better to keep a friend (in this case at arm's length) than to have one more enemy (not saying he is one). 

[Why?]

On 6/29/2026 at 6:11 PM, LeL9 said:

recently I received a whatsapp from my so call "1st love".  He is straight, back then I was very close with him and I didnt openly express my love for him. When we were in Uni, he found his love and got married after graduation. I didnt attend his wedding and i decided to forget him. He was busy with his life and we never keep in touch anymore. We are FB friends, but never follow each other, so we didnt know what happened to each other all these years. 

 

After many many years, he whatsapp me and asked to meetup. Initially I hesitated but eventually we met for coffee and had a long chat. I was very frank with him and told him back then I really liked him and was very upset that he got married. And I made a decision not to contact him again, he kind of understand. Am I stupid to tell him all these?  His children are teens now he has a good career, but relationship with his wife is so so. I sense that he is not happy with his family life and feel a little bit of somewhat depress.  BTW I am attached and I told my BF about this friend. Shall I continue to maintain a friendship with him? 

I can relate and actually experienced a similar situation but my approach is quite different.

 

One of my former coworkers and I became really close.  We were so brothers close, and love to tease each other in workplace and people felt we paired really well. He knew I was gay and I find him rather attractive, kind and very intelligent.  There was no pressure working hamoniously together....

 

One day, I received a wedding invitation from him when he walked into the office.  He decided it was time to establish a family and has been surreptitiously dating his former classmate.  Startled, I re-read the wedding invitation to be sure it wasn't a hoax because he was considered young at that time.  Reality creeps in when I watched him walking down the aisle with the church bell booming loud as the couple exchange rings.   We parted ways due to company restructuring, and it turned out they had a baby boy a year later.  We haven't seen each other in ten years because he is busy with his family and I am at my new career.....

 

One christmasy night,  I caught him waving at me at the local Starbucks while on my way home from work.    We had a pleasant conversation.  He has two children then and a third one  is on the way.  He complained about his wife nagging him about little home things almost every day, and work life was difficult because he had a new boss from hell.   I didn't tell him I loved him or feel disappointed when I received his wedding invitation back then.   What is kept secret, remains secret.

 

I've long since moved past my jealously when he got married, probably because many stories came and went in my life after we lost touch.     Telling him that I had purchased a new apartment and was leading a carefree single life was the only harmless form of retaliation to make him envious?  My best guy is already a family man, so I try not to presume he has other sexual intents here, even if my cheap, innocuous jab means nothing.  

 

In general, I don't think any Straight males, even though we got along well, would be sexually attracted to me if they realized I was gay.  The man is melancholy and longs for a familiar face and fond recollections of someone who can listen well, console him, inspire him, motivate him, or do anything else that reminds him of the good old days we were colleagues.   We happened to cross paths on the most regular day of our lives.  

 

I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, but if I had, I wouldn't overshare anything intimate or private that didn't really happen or that could lead to unnecessary anxiety, conjecture, or paranoia that may sour a supposedly healthy and safe relationship and complicate things that didn't or shouldn't exist.. 

 

In any event, as the night progressed, I and my former colleagues parted ways.  I left my best man with a good vibe and a favorable impression since I was a good confidante.  Nobody gets hurt, and nobody complicates each other's lives.  It doesn't matter if we ever meet again, but as I saw his last shadow fade into the night, holding newly purchased gifts in his hands, I recognized that his heart and soul were still with his family, despite whatever was giving him so much stress at home and workplace.   I do not regret letting him go, and I have also felt at peace with myself. 

 

Fast forward, who knows his eldest son is probably married now and the guy I once secretly love, from my ex work place and whom I met for 3 hours chat at starbuck, on Christmas night,  might become a grandpa soon?   If so, I am happy that good people are happy. 

 

 

[Nivek]

Very sweet. Bless your kind heart!

[funky beaver]

If can get some form of leverage, why not? E.g. he is still hot, nice to hang out, can click easily, etc.

[ShyAndUnsure]

4 hours ago, Why? said:

I can relate and actually experienced a similar situation but my approach is quite different.

 

One of my former coworkers and I became really close.  We were so brothers close, and love to tease each other in workplace and people felt we paired really well. He knew I was gay and I find him rather attractive, kind and very intelligent.  There was no pressure working hamoniously together....

 

One day, I received a wedding invitation from him when he walked into the office.  He decided it was time to establish a family and has been surreptitiously dating his former classmate.  Startled, I re-read the wedding invitation to be sure it wasn't a hoax because he was considered young at that time.  Reality creeps in when I watched him walking down the aisle with the church bell booming loud as the couple exchange rings.   We parted ways due to company restructuring, and it turned out they had a baby boy a year later.  We haven't seen each other in ten years because he is busy with his family and I am at my new career.....

 

One christmasy night,  I caught him waving at me at the local Starbucks while on my way home from work.    We had a pleasant conversation.  He has two children then and a third one  is on the way.  He complained about his wife nagging him about little home things almost every day, and work life was difficult because he had a new boss from hell.   I didn't tell him I loved him or feel disappointed when I received his wedding invitation back then.   What is kept secret, remains secret.

 

I've long since moved past my jealously when he got married, probably because many stories came and went in my life after we lost touch.     Telling him that I had purchased a new apartment and was leading a carefree single life was the only harmless form of retaliation to make him envious?  My best guy is already a family man, so I try not to presume he has other sexual intents here, even if my cheap, innocuous jab means nothing.  

 

In general, I don't think any Straight males, even though we got along well, would be sexually attracted to me if they realized I was gay.  The man is melancholy and longs for a familiar face and fond recollections of someone who can listen well, console him, inspire him, motivate him, or do anything else that reminds him of the good old days we were colleagues.   We happened to cross paths on the most regular day of our lives.  

 

I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, but if I had, I wouldn't overshare anything intimate or private that didn't really happen or that could lead to unnecessary anxiety, conjecture, or paranoia that may sour a supposedly healthy and safe relationship and complicate things that didn't or shouldn't exist.. 

 

In any event, as the night progressed, I and my former colleagues parted ways.  I left my best man with a good vibe and a favorable impression since I was a good confidante.  Nobody gets hurt, and nobody complicates each other's lives.  It doesn't matter if we ever meet again, but as I saw his last shadow fade into the night, holding newly purchased gifts in his hands, I recognized that his heart and soul were still with his family, despite whatever was giving him so much stress at home and workplace.   I do not regret letting him go, and I have also felt at peace with myself. 

 

Fast forward, who knows his eldest son is probably married now and the guy I once secretly love, from my ex work place and whom I met for 3 hours chat at starbuck, on Christmas night,  might become a grandpa soon?   If so, I am happy that good people are happy. 

 

 

 

I think many users lurk around this forum when they are frisky or horny, waiting for an online encounter or topic that they would be able to relive themselves to. 

 

Stories like these though, are like little nuggets of gold one finds in the darkness of the forum. They remind us that each of us are all just humans facing the same challenges and questions that life throws at us. And while there are no right or wrong paths in life, there is always a higher path one can take. 

 

Thank you @Why? for sharing this!

[Guest Sperm is not Whale]

On 7/8/2026 at 10:32 PM, funky beaver said:

If can get some form of leverage, why not? E.g. he is still hot, nice to hang out, can click easily, etc.

What kind of leverage? Every life has a place. He understands his place as a straight married man, you should also know your place as a gay man. Fruit juice and coffee don't mix well.  Indeed, no, we are not sperm whales, and we don't click all over the place and latter get into an unncessary brawl with shit flying everywhere.

[LeL9]

@Why? thanks for your sharing.... you understand how I feel. I suppose gay and straight just cannot be together.

 

At least my friend is not homophobic, he is ok with gay friend. 

[LeL9]

On 7/8/2026 at 10:48 AM, Glyph said:

Even if he didn't know why you decided to distance yourself then, feels like your friend's pretty mature for letting it happen.

 

It's rare to reconnect with a close one, don't let the opportunity go to waste.

 

Ya. I only have a couple of close friends that I can open heart and talk to, and I feel very comfortable to talk to him, even though we have not been in contact for sooooooo long.  

[Guest Chris]

It is better to let him go and never connect with him again.

His body and soul is with his family, and you will the only one that will get hurt again. Of course, there is nothing between you both YET, but there is no guarantee that your heart will not waiver in the future.

If things can worked out between both of you, it would have worked out long time ago. Why bring possible pain to yourself this time. You are never his priority in the past, nor will it be in the future. Remember his children might be his top priority, and not you.

[fattycatty162]

better let him go

[Guest No fixated life]

Aiyo-yo!!!!  Your infactuation of someone won't last one lah!  I know gay people well.  The man you once held in the highest regard does not guarantee that he will continue to be gorgeous in seven more years, and after seven more years, he has already gained weight. After another more years, you are unable to identify him due to his extreme pallor and baldness. Then, you see him walking with a hunched back while wearing a Lao Ah Pek shirt and slippers. Do you still miss him? lol. You folks are so dramatic. Oh no!  I've moved on from my previous idol and met a new, attractive love, but the younger ones will tell me that I'm old and uninteresting. Cruel, huh?