Cheating Boyfriend / Lover + Why Cheat when In a Relationship? (Compiled)

[Guest Guest]

Faithful Supporter, there are many gay couples that are using condom/rubber even they deeply love each other, don't be misleading

[Guest Faithful Supporter]

Everyone can choose whichever way to run their relationship. I am not surprised that some gay couple use condom even when they are deeply in love. For whatever reason, its up to them.

But don't deviate, my Spot light in only shown on you.

Such a moral creature like you are afraid of sex without protection.

How ironic. By your ideal moral, should be no problem right... unless you are a thrid party. Since you said you will never be a third party, so... your morals should keep you safe right. Or you just think no one is on par in moral standards compared to you. What is the use of all these moral bullshit of yours that you don't trust... but just using it to fault others.

You clearly do not know what you are talking about.

Now you are throwing smoke all over...

Our main argument is just against you saying Faithful can't be considered as a victim.

Which you reinstated so many times in your posts... like I pointed out.

You said the only victim is the wife and family.. blah blah blah.

(Read again from my last post how u said it over and over.)

But you also said," i never say he is not a victim, pls read carefully before you say something, if most people view is not right & stupid, i believe you are too open & unsure the value of moral..."

You clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

If you had just admit that faithful is a victim... I won't be giving you shit.

But you are caught in between, because you said faithful wasn't a victim.... and at the same time, you said he was (by saying,"i never say he is not a victim").

duh... so now I realized, I am wasting my time with you. You go round not knowing where your focus is, but slashing away like a mad man... in your smoke.

[Guest concerned]

I just hope that you are the only guy that he fxxks raw.... it is scary to think of the potential risk if he has been fxxking other guys raw.

[Cool]

7. All gay men have multiple sex partner, eating the same meat everday can be boring.

8. Last, this is how GAY works, whether you like it or not.

Sorry but you have just made a sweeping statement. Not all gay men are like this and who says gay = variety of sex partners? All i know is gay= homosexual = liking a person of the same sex.

So definitely this is not how Gay works though i am not too certain if that is the model u are working on. Don't mislead others. The gay community does not need another bad label. Thanks.

Agree with you.

How come always have people making sweeping statements like this?

:yuk:

[Guest Guest]

bo liaoz ... bo liao arguementz

[oralb]

bo liaoz ... bo liao arguementz

on the contary, the merit of a forum is that it allows different people with different views/ beliefs to come together and discussed.

we all see things differently based on where we are looking at.

you may or maynot agreed to the points posted and have a choice to post your's.

i see maturity in the posting as i can assured you it is damn easy to reply and send regards to the other parties family member or private parts.

[Guest guess]

of cos they are always tonnes of unregistered people (like myself) who just enjoyed watching the actions from the sideline. :smokin:

[Guest lester]

"unfaithful" is the word I really like to forget. This is my first time writing so bear with me. Let me share my personal experience. My BF and I started our relationship about 20years ago. He was the one started pursuing me and later we developed a strong relationship abt 6 mths later. Sometimes we were quite proud when we saw some of our friends changing bf within a few years as we still maintain strong monogamous relationship. We both agreed if anyone unfaitful, the relationship is off.

About 3-4 years back he stop, totally, any physical relationship with me (not even hugging nor kissing) citing tired, not mood, sex drive drop...etc as excuses. I accepted it. However, recently, I discovered he has been enjoying regular sex with another younger guy for the past 3 years (even though during this period, I remains faithful to him - you can say I am stupid or gullible). So to cut it short, I guessed myself and the young guy are both victims because my bf has lied to both of us (the young guy didn't know he has a bf).

At the end of the date, we just have to accept the fact that time can change a person's heart and taste. We just have to blame ouselves being unfortunate and move on...My advice also for those having relationship with married man, don't overcommit your relationship because you are always the 3rd party...

thanks

[Guest Trapped]

"unfaithful" is the word I really like to forget. This is my first time writing so bear with me. Let me share my personal experience. My BF and I started our relationship about 20years ago. He was the one started pursuing me and later we developed a strong relationship abt 6 mths later. Sometimes we were quite proud when we saw some of our friends changing bf within a few years as we still maintain strong monogamous relationship. We both agreed if anyone unfaitful, the relationship is off.

About 3-4 years back he stop, totally, any physical relationship with me (not even hugging nor kissing) citing tired, not mood, sex drive drop...etc as excuses. I accepted it. However, recently, I discovered he has been enjoying regular sex with another younger guy for the past 3 years (even though during this period, I remains faithful to him - you can say I am stupid or gullible). So to cut it short, I guessed myself and the young guy are both victims because my bf has lied to both of us (the young guy didn't know he has a bf).

At the end of the date, we just have to accept the fact that time can change a person's heart and taste. We just have to blame ouselves being unfortunate and move on...My advice also for those having relationship with married man, don't overcommit your relationship because you are always the 3rd party...

thanks

Hi Lester,

Do you really believe any relationship can be totally monogamous in such a way that both parties will NEVER (and I emphasize again...NEVER) find fun somewhere else at any point in time?

Even in a straight relationship where the woman is supposedly less prone to commit adultery, men still stray once in a while...Show me a man who professes he has NEVER strayed and chances are that you are showing me a liar...

You never know. Even in the most loving of relationships, people stray...

This is my opinion - you don't have to take it - if you ever say to your bf, 'Our relationship is off once one of us strays'. you are setting yourself up for a breakup one day.

To be realistic, let's realise that our partners might stray one of these days. But if we know we are still in love, let's understand, forgive and move on. Straying might not necessarily mean tat he does not love you anymore.

In your case, I cannot draw a conclusion...has he found a new love? Or does he still love you but he is having flings with a younger guy? I don't know, maybe you have to find out by confronting him or be careful observation.

I am saying all these from MY point of ciew. I cannot imagine have sex with just ONE guy my whole life....especially someone who likes variety like me...perhaps thats why 'OPEN' relationships are forged.

Of course, I cannot say for sure there are no totally monogamous gay relationships out there. But I believe chances for this to happen is slim...if you are in one and you truly enjoy monogamity, treasure it...

[bearlova]

Wow, really hot topic...I think I will add my 5 cents worth of thought here.. I guess whether str8 or gay, it's a matter of CHOICE in maintaining a faithful and monogamous relationship. There is no right or wrong, nobody can change how we think about what is right or wrong, if you are comfortable with multiple partners or monogamy, go ahead. I believe monogamy is workable if both partners want it and is willing to make it work, everything in life takes some effort..even happiness.... True even in monogamous relationships there may be occasions where one or the other stray... after all we are human but not animals ( sorry, that argument about men straying being biological is just too simple a cop out ) . What should be done is to evaluate what can be done to save the relationship and to renew their committment to each other, to look at the reasons for the partner straying and to remedy it, but on other hand if trust is totally lost maybe they should just walk away, again a matter of CHOICE..... Rather than to just give up say that monogamous relationships are impossible...CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES

[Guest lester]

Did he loves him,I don't know. What do think if someone is so attentive to his needs i.e food, dressing, eating place...all listening to his suggestions. phone calls every nite without failed, seeing each other often....all these besides regular sex!!!! Do you call this love or lust or flings? He did say he still love me but no longer phsicaly attracted to me so don't like to have sex with me..

So my touching him gives him goose pimple... What do you guys think??? What is your definiton of loving someone but can't stand touching him nor making love to him??

To me I think this is downgraded to a friend kind of relationship...right?

[GachiMuchi]

From the way you describe, it seems that your partner treats you like a family member now, with love but no sex. That happens to people who are in a long term relationship, even str8 couples.

I think he IS having his so call, "second spring" (第二春), with someone younger. It can also happen to str8 couples too. He may have gone through some sort of andropause and with his new "love" interest; he found himself being "young" again and "wanted" by someone more junior than he is.

I don't think what I say can help bring you balance in how you are feeling now. As much as you might still love and want him, I feel you can choose to let go and move on or choose to bite the bullet and preserver on and finds ways to renew your love with someone you have spent the better half of your life with.

Anyway, unless you are jaded with relationship, who says you can't find your second spring too?

[Guest Trapped]

Did he loves him,I don't know. What do think if someone is so attentive to his needs i.e food, dressing, eating place...all listening to his suggestions. phone calls every nite without failed, seeing each other often....all these besides regular sex!!!! Do you call this love or lust or flings? He did say he still love me but no longer phsicaly attracted to me so don't like to have sex with me..

So my touching him gives him goose pimple... What do you guys think??? What is your definiton of loving someone but can't stand touching him nor making love to him??

To me I think this is downgraded to a friend kind of relationship...right?

Gosh, your bf or ex-bf (whichever may be the case) sounds sooo soo much like how I feel now...so maybe I can share a little...

I don't enjoy sex with my partner anymore...you can throw all the stones at me now...but I didn't intend for it to happen this way...The interest just dies with time...it wasn't a conscious effort on my part to make that desire to have sex with him die...it just happened...

I could actually make a conscious effort and choice to 'force' myself to have sex with my partner....OR...i could try new things (which we already have...) but it is not working. If I choose head over heart and stay monogamous, I will be very very depressed.

Using my head over heart is not going to work in the long term...I dunno where the solution lies, but I guess I don't deserve his love, that's all...

[Guest Guest]

I always believe, if you are those slut & flirt type, don't get attach, cos you know better than anyone, all your Love relationship won't last for long, is it attach sound better Or you need someone pamper & love you when you can't even settle down yourself? Afraid lonely & need company? Love is a game?

[Guest lester]

All have your points. I guessed if you are those potentially stray away type, then don't get into a relationship... If you are those in a relationship and wanted to change taste for younger guy, older guy...or anything...then please be open and upfront..Don't hurt your current partner because it would be more painful at later stage. Just have some balls to say it and if your partner doesn't like it, then, you can break off there and then rather than doing something behind his back.

Enough of me, I am just sharing my personal experience ..maybe we should close my case here..thanks

[evianguy]

What is being unfaithful? Is ONS or a quickie at the steamroom in the gym unfaithful? Or do you have to be seeing someone on a regular basis tobe unfaithful?

What if you slip up a once in a while and yield to instant gratifications (of a sexual nature ).

Can you guys who are attached share how you define your boundaries in your relationship?

[Guest antiguest]

I always believe, if you are those slut & flirt type, don't get attach, cos you know better than anyone, all your Love relationship won't last for long, is it attach sound better Or you need someone pamper & love you when you can't even settle down yourself? Afraid lonely & need company? Love is a game?

No need to use such strong words like slut and all that la...only low class people have to be so bitchy in an open forum. Nothing good or constructive to say, don't post!

[Guest Trapped]

I always believe, if you are those slut & flirt type, don't get attach, cos you know better than anyone, all your Love relationship won't last for long, is it attach sound better Or you need someone pamper & love you when you can't even settle down yourself? Afraid lonely & need company? Love is a game?

No need to use such strong words like slut and all that la...only low class people have to be so bitchy in an open forum. Nothing good or constructive to say, don't post!

Well, I guess ‘Guest’ didn’t read some of my earlier posts. I never wanted to be in the so-called ‘relationship’. Anyways, he must be going through something very terrible in his life to write in this tone. Let’s forgive him…

[night listener]

A case of "Do as I say, not as I do".

low class? bitchy?

[Buaya]

Gosh, Trapped... I feel like I am reading my bf when I read your posts... Even though he is the one who initiated the relationship, he now insists I had wanted it in the beginning...

And Lester... I am facing the same problem as you now...

Evianguy, I am able (I think!!) to close my eyes if my bf is playing around just to satisfy the extra sexual urges thru ONS... As long as he does not fall in love with the ONS guy and as long as he comes to me first for sex and then have sex outside if I am unavailable. What do you think? Am I trying to cheat myself?

Oh, to add, I would not be happy if he does things he do not do with me when he is with his ONS person... i.e. If you want to blow him, blow me first etc... Aiyah... I am getting confused myself... In other words, if you do not want to do with me, dun do with others. BUT NO swollowing or have ONS friend shoot into his mouth, or raw sex witht them, no matter what.

[Guest Guest]

Buaya, if you think that will make you feel better then stick to it, however don't ever regret when one day 3rd party really notice by you & he want to break off, cos you are the one who refuse to believe the true.

Continue to stay in the past & Good Luck

[Guest uuu]

so scary ... love hurt love

[Guest Guest]

when your partner no longer love you & his hearts don't belong to you anymore, kindly wake up, 放他自由也等于给自己自由

[Guest guest]

I found out my boyfriend had gay profiles and is looking for sex with men discreetly.Shall i just close one eye about it or call it off?Confronting him he deny for sure .

What advises can the members here share..I felt so depressed man and cheated !!!!!

[Guest To_guest]

Do the same like-wise...or just dump him and look for another guy.

[Guest Another Guest]

Speak to him first, tell him that you found out about his profile and you not happy about it. See if he agree with a close relationship? or whether if you agree with a open relationship.

If it happen again, then you should consider dumping him... since you already warned him.

[Guest Retiree]

Ask him:

Whether you are his spare parts?

Does he still love you?

Was he tired of sex activity with you?

Was he still searching for the best?

What was his objective in the current relationship?

What was his fear and worries about being with you?

Has he lost or miss major part of his life being with you?

Does he believe in Love?

Does he wanted to come out with an agreement/consensus in this relationship?

Casually ask him how he will feel if you can also sleep with someone.

[mature30]

Guest,

It could be be the relationship is already too long.He is curious for new adventurous experience. He could has feel insecure being with you and nothing to hold on.Create some "wow factors" in both of your activities e.g. surprise your lover with lunch at work(spot check..??) .May b u shu ask for a ring... :oops:

[mature30]

It may be part of the reasons due to physical imperfection or sxxual dyfunction.How cud u very sure Guest is btm? Haha :whistle:

Edited July 14, 2008 by Lungker

[Baloo]

To the Threadstarter:

just two words for you...

GET REAL...

ok, i lied... i have a lot to say...

whether you are top or btm or flex, or non-anal type ltr... hmmm... come to think of it... did he say LTR too? or you ask him and he reluctantly say so, or his definition of LTR is different from yours? did you check? was his agreement to 'terms' under duress? do step back and take a very long, hard, and objective look.

next - see his profiles... when were they created? if it were brand new, or created long ago before you even knew him, or 'declared' LTR... by your definition...

finally, the truth about this whole thing.... it's all about sex.... (quoted from QAF of course... and I am not against this axiom...)

my take... use QAF's method... between Justin and Brian... as a 'bf' relationship - have an agreement... everyone else you fuxk, it will only be ONCE. never again. and 100% use of the condom. the only 'regular' is each other... and it worked out quite well too... even in real life here...

you can work out an agreement with him for such 'excapades' --- face it... man will be man, be he btm or top or flex or whatever... still need variety in life... cannot escape from it one... can deny for a while, but once the right one pass by... and sparks fly... sure fling one la... so may as well enjoy it...

take heart that after the fling, he will still consider you his 'best' and 'only' for a LTR... then... what's the hangup???

exclusive?? buy a love doll...

u mean you dun share your love doll around a bit? hahahah... i would... if i can exchange for the other guy's love doll of another design ...

.....

[Dioscuri]

I found out my boyfriend had gay profiles and is looking for sex with men discreetly.Shall i just close one eye about it or call it off?Confronting him he deny for sure .

What advises can the members here share..I felt so depressed man and cheated !!!!!

If you want to give him a shocker! Respond to his Gay Profile. Set a date with him somewhere. When he sees you there at the meeting place, see what he will say.......................Not for the Faint Hearted

[Guest guest]

I found out my boyfriend had gay profiles and is looking for sex with men discreetly.Shall i just close one eye about it or call it off?Confronting him he deny for sure .

What advises can the members here share..I felt so depressed man and cheated !!!!!

It may be part of the reasons due to physical imperfection or sxxual dyfunction.How cud u very sure Guest is btm? Haha :whistle:

personally, i'm having that problem too...

we only have broadband 3 days ago.... n i found out tat he stated his status as 'single'

i think it's up to us on how to react..ask yourself. R u ready to lose him ?

Love.... is patient, love is kind....

im keeping quiet n choose to 'close one eye' because i cant afford to lose him..

Why are we hurt ?

because we care n love...

[DERROY]

Come on, there is no such thing as a faithful and sincere relationship in the gay circle. Men are made to have high sex urge and one partner is definitely not enough. At a certain point in life, one will get bored with his partner and seek new taste and excitement.

Moral of the story : CLOSE ONE EYE!!!!

[Guest Guest]

my advise is :

1) ask him

2) close one eyes.

there is how the flow chart works,

if 2) dun work for you, use 1). if you cannot take the answer which you will get from 1), then i suggest you take 2). if both is not a solution to u, then take 3)

3)

leave him and stay single forever!

[abang]

First and foremost, do you love him?

If yes, then you have to learn to tolerate a little extra-marital sex on his part. You have to be rational to accept the fact that you dont own him.

It is better for you to understand that those one-night stand are strictly for his physical needs. He needs you for emotional needs, and if there is 'still' lots of sex between you two, then you should be grateful.

By allowing him to put up gay profiles means that you are generous and understands the fact that he needs friends, besides you. He may have a fling with this guy but the rest is strictly platonic.

Please dont over-react because at the bottom of your heart, do you treasure him?

[DERROY]

May I know how many of you here actually believe that your partners are not seeking sex outside your relationship? If you believe that, you are actually lying to us or lying to yourself. Men : Sex is all they want. The more the merrier.

[Guest guest]

the more the merrier ?

if the more the merrier, y get a bf ? just attend orgies, enuff lah !

gotta admit at times,i oso hv the urge but i love him too much to do it with others..

LOVE is still my point !

[Guest Only Me]

Yes get real... how ever can you really take it when you know your BF 'eats' out

I know of a couple who have been together since their NS time, till now they are together, and bought a landed property together, they look like twins, love each other very much, but I know they go sauna, cruising, IRC etc ect, I ask them and one of them said, we go f--k outside but no 'da pou' back...... 2 meanings here, 1st literaly cant bring back any guys home, 2nd if there is sex then there should not be any follow-up there after. When I see them and sometime spend time with them, I really envy them, and at one point I told myself I love them.

Another couple, 15 years apart in age, the younger one is full of "energy" always in need of sex, but the older one cant provide but very possesive, the young one must come home after work, no mixing around, no computer at home, everything outside must be together. So the younger one comes to me to 'release' his 'desire' and use my facilities-computer and stuff... I ask him why he stick to his old BF, his explanation, he is a foreigner, work odd jobs, so its a blessing to have a BF who provide housing, food always warm and ready, cloths all dry and pressed, comfort, well except sex....

Thrid couple very very the mono... until I cannot tahan, all other guys are wrong, a flirt yada yada yada, untill he dont even believe his own gay brother.... in their eyes only they 2 exists, and only 2 makes the world go around....I never enjoy my meeting with them....how bad that can be.

So guys which one you rather be??

PS... Yes I know all the 3 couple presonally well except for one.. go figure

[Guest Paul``]

I found out my boyfriend had gay profiles and is looking for sex with men discreetly.Shall i just close one eye about it or call it off?Confronting him he deny for sure .

What advises can the members here share..I felt so depressed man and cheated !!!!!

Get real... whether gay or straight.. u can't expect yr partner to stick to u forever and not having sex with others. we are living in the real word ok...

Frankly, whether he treasure the relationhip with u or not, it all depend on how he value it. as far as u are concerned, u just have to rely on your instinct to feel.

There is no point imposing upon him to behave the way u wanted him to. it has to come from his heart. Hence, one and one person can judge and analyise your relationship is yourself. no point asking others for opinon.. If u cant accept what he is doing and have different opinon toward how a relationship should be, then move on....

[koolkai]

Yes get real... how ever can you really take it when you know your BF 'eats' out

Another couple, 15 years apart in age, the younger one is full of "energy" always in need of sex, but the older one cant provide but very possesive, the young one must come home after work, no mixing around, no computer at home, everything outside must be together. So the younger one comes to me to 'release' his 'desire' and use my facilities-computer and stuff... I ask him why he stick to his old BF, his explanation, he is a foreigner, work odd jobs, so its a blessing to have a BF who provide housing, food always warm and ready, cloths all dry and pressed, comfort, well except sex....

PS... Yes I know all the 3 couple presonally well except for one.. go figure

When you mentioned that your friend's bg worked odd jobs, he still could still be able to provide for housing and the other comforts?

[Guest Only Me]

When you mentioned that your friend's bg worked odd jobs, he still could still be able to provide for housing and the other comforts?

Yes my friend the odd jobber is the younger one and also a foreigner, his BF is the older one who provides, he is retired and have lots of cash

[UFO]

Hmmm.... Interesting.... My bf did the same... Single in status on all gay profile... chat with others... Sex with other.. I dont know. But I had make it very clear to him that if he has sex with other... I will leave him definately with no chances as I already given him twice! SO now.. all my gay profile status are single too... I chat with other guys infront of him... nothing to hide.

I found out that many of us here like to use the word 'Get real or Real Life..etc' My questions are... what is the actual defination of ' Get real'? How Real is real? What is real life and who are we to define Real life is... ?

I discovered that real life is all about yourself and the places u r in? Get real.... Open urself to everyone ard u... thaht's the real life... if not, living in a nut shell and stop telling to get real... am I wrong, am I?

Edited September 11, 2008 by Walfred

[Panda_9791]

Bro Walfred, I applaud u for being so magnanimous. It would take alot for me to even forgive once. I always tell my close friends, our Life is way too short to let others mess it up. We cannot even guarantee that we will live a fruitful life, so why have these toxic people around.

[doncoin]

Instead of giving him the ultimatum why not find out why he is sleeping around?

Or better yet, join in and make it a 3 way. That way everyone is happy.

[Guest -snowball-]

accept what he is else adjust yourself to suit him, never live in fairy tales, else don't attach if you want forever pure love, cos nothing is forever. many say mono just never get caught by partner, leave it or take it, this is adult world, is cruel but real.

[Guest -raymond-]

My BF of 4 years started fooling around after the 2nd year of our relationship. When I caught him, he claimed that " everyday eat the same dishes also tired. Need to try new stuff". Initially i was dejected & felt betrayed. But after a while, it is just not worth hurting yourself. So I start to play the field too. we both did come to an understand that we can fool around but don't bring home.

[Guest Guest]

My BF of 4 years started fooling around after the 2nd year of our relationship. When I caught him, he claimed that " everyday eat the same dishes also tired. Need to try new stuff". Initially i was dejected & felt betrayed. But after a while, it is just not worth hurting yourself. So I start to play the field too. we both did come to an understand that we can fool around but don't bring home.

so u guys think ur parents got eat around also? based on theory like 'eat the same dish also same' is lame. these r the ppl who are not committed to a relationship.

[Guest -snowball-]

Guest, unless you have a normal family, get married & have kid to bother u whole day till you tire till you don't feel like doing anything, watch them grow up, when they call you dad etc, that type of feeling is awesome, your life will never be complete no matter what excusse you give, still there are alot str or bi married guys that flirt around, unless you are childish & refuse to grow up & don't know what's outside world. sure there is some that are totally mono, but is it both party are & how long they attach or maybe they totally not sex drive at all? 5 years not consider long so mono still too early to say they can last " forever ", mind Guest, you attach? never say never, you don't even know next moment will you get angry or your what your mood like, pls be mature don't anyhow use " your parents " this type of words, cos it will reflect your character that don't earn any respect at all, this is a forum to share own view, else don't read.

[Guest jensen]

Guest, unless you have a normal family, get married & have kid to bother u whole day till you tire till you don't feel like doing anything, watch them grow up, when they call you dad etc, that type of feeling is awesome, your life will never be complete no matter what excusse you give, still there are alot str or bi married guys that flirt around, unless you are childish & refuse to grow up & don't know what's outside world. sure there is some that are totally mono, but is it both party are & how long they attach or maybe they totally not sex drive at all? 5 years not consider long so mono still too early to say they can last " forever ", mind Guest, you attach? never say never, you don't even know next moment will you get angry or your what your mood like, pls be mature don't anyhow use " your parents " this type of words, cos it will reflect your character that don't earn any respect at all, this is a forum to share own view, else don't read.

WHAT A F. UP WORLD U GUYS LIVE IN.

wait till u are old and crippled with disease... who would take care of u.

ur loving gay partner?

Please go and have a normal family life.

[Guest GetReal]

WHAT A F. UP WORLD U GUYS LIVE IN.

wait till u are old and crippled with disease... who would take care of u.

ur loving gay partner?

Please go and have a normal family life.

Please try to visit any nursing home and you will know that a lot of old folks are abandoned by their children. It doesnt always mean that straight married life will be taken care of their golden years. I have seen a loving gay couple (both 40s) where one takes cares of the other HIV+ lover till he rest in peace.