Forbidden Attractions - Larry's Life Story

[Guest Dawn Yang]

I cross referenced to the pilgrimage pages, and yea/.. what a comparison... things went downhill.

So maybe sister larry needs more time to go through every little memory.

No offence. tata~

[Larry]

I cross referenced to the pilgrimage pages, and yea/.. what a comparison... things went downhill.

So maybe sister larry needs more time to go through every little memory.

Sorry, please explain clearly as I failed to understand.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

Surprisingly, Kong did not take the longer path which we came but instead used the narrow road directly from the bus terminal through the kampong. The road was truly bumpy with lots of “Au” & “be careful” blaring out from me. He enjoyed seeing my effeminate behavior & laughed loudly.

 

“Silly, what is there to laugh? Don’t complain when the bumper becomes defective.” I told myself.

 

Crossing that short stretch of bumpy kampong road, the car travelled on the vast leveled land & I could see the lights of army barracks from afar. Instead of holding the steering wheel with his two hands when driving through the kampong road, his left hand was now on my leg.

 

He drove straight to the camp but half way swung to the right side & reached the sea front. The light was off & the surrounding was in complete darkness except the soft song coming from the cassette tape – by Willie Nelson, Always on My Mind,

 

 

The car window was wound down a bit while my hair mussed by the wind. I rested in the seat with my eyes closed as he interlocked his left fingers with my right. Feeling the touch of his fingers against mine just made me felt wonderful to be in love.

 

Maybe I didn’t love you, Quite as often as I should have, May be I didn’t treat you, Quite as good as I should be, If I made you feel second best, Girl, I’m sorry I was blind, You were always on my mind; you were always on my mind.

Maybe I didn’t hold you, All those lonely lonely times, I guess I never told you, I’m so happy that you’re mine, Little things I should have said & done, I just never took the time, You were always on my mind; you were always on my mind

 

As the song played on, our fingers found each other again, he leaned himself over me & we locked lips & kissed fondly……………

 

Tell me tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died, Fill me Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied, I keep you satisfied……………………………..

 

I had always loved beauty - beautiful scents, beautiful tastes & beautiful melodies. And yeah, no sex for the moment, till his test was over.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

I waited for Kong at the guard room at around 6 pm. I looked at the sky & I saw that the clouds were already dark & in no time it might rain heavily. Kong came & looked at me puzzling on my determination.

 

“Very likely is going to rain, you want to run under the rain?”

 

“Why not? Come, let’s go.” Hearing my reply he smiled with a big surprise on his face.

 

I bet he was thinking what this little timid sunny boy suddenly became so gung-ho. It was just that I wished to jog under the rain, it had been a long time since childhood days running under the rain together with Ling, and of course both of us were reprimanded by Auntie Lily severely. But today was going to be difference; it was with my lovely partner, a brand new first time encounter that I told myself I ought to do it.

 

“Sir, it is going to rain.” The regimental police was astonished & asked.

 

“Never mind is okay.” I replied hurriedly on behalf of Kong.

 

Started from the guard room, out of the camp compound, I lead & ran towards the deserted public car park. After one lap, we ran out to the vast empty land & aimed towards the sea front, it would be approximately 4 km from the guard house. I checked the time, it would probably take 40 minutes to & fro, & I knew very well we would be able to do it.

 

It was about after making a U turn near to the sea front, the sky started drizzling. Drizzle & drizzle, we stepped on the still solid ground in unison, hand in hand, heart linked with heart. Then the rain started pouring, the ground started to become soggy & muddy. Splash, splash & more splashing, I kept stepping on the water & it felt great on my feet.

 

After so many years, the excitement of running the rain just returned, I felt energized & wanted to continue running, light rain or heavy down pour, I didn’t give two hoots about it. All in my mind was just run …… run …… & run, enjoyed the feeling on my body, the splashing on my feet, just like a little kid.

 

I kept running forward but realized that Kong was lagging far back, I turned back to meet him.

 

“Hey, fatty, faster…….” I urged him & raised my hand.

 

“Darling, slow down a bit, I am breathless.”

 

I was tricked. With one swoop, he pulled & dragged me onto his broad shoulder. The running stopped as we kissed passionately under the rain. It did not matter on the water falling on our heads, our faces & our mouths. With the mixture of his sweat, I felt really good.

 

Thanks God, thanks for the rain, yahoo ……………………..

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

It would be the longest kiss we ever had; his tongue touched mine in an ecstasy of delight, this kiss in the rain freed up my emotions. Our kissing continued though the sky turned dark & we had no cares. It was such a magical moment; we were caught in its spell & moved in slow motion, the tongue twisting & tight lips locking fought against the rain water trying to sip into our mouth, but failed each time when changing the posture.

 

I could feel his animal instinct, his heavy breathing despite the rain, gosh; this was the man I would want to spend for the rest of my life.

 

He moved in close, with his hands on my neck, he took it slow, no rush, haste & said, “You’re mine.”

 

I shouted in his ear, “I love you my dear.”

 

He smiled at me, with his lips pulling my lower lip, my whole body tingled, “Au, nice, nice, is real nice.”

 

I could not explain the feeling, something that I had never done before, it felt good that being able to do it so spontaneously. It was strange, sensual & erotic as I closed my eyes with tears flowing freely blending with the pouring rain. Why did I have to cry????? I just wished this could be carried on eternally until …………

 

“Dear, I am feeling cold.” I said.

 

“Come, let run back.”

 

So we started to run, it rained even harder as I could barely see, I ran even faster to ward off the coolness. The rain slackened off a little to a misty drizzle when we were about to reach the camp, there were giant mud puddles along the way anyway. We were soaked through & the night guards looked at us puzzlingly, two crazy idiots ……………

 

“You better get back & change quickly. I can see your panties.” he whispered as my face was reddened.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Kiss your love in the rain, I promise you’ll feel, as none compare to kiss in the rain

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

I loved this rain; it was one of my life’s miracles, a dream to kiss this man in the rain, I was thinking while climbing up the stairs. Yeah, it was like going through the baptism with the pouring rain all over our bodies, that we had chosen to show the world he & I had decided to be lovers & was proud of that.

 

With every step we took, water squished from our shoes. Somehow when we were up at third floor, I started to sneeze & became quite badly.

 

“Are you okay?” Kong asked.

 

“Yeah, is okay. I just need a hot Milo.” I answered & was glad able not to shiver at the voice.

 

Up at the top floor, we separated & went to our own rooms. I changed into new set of warm clothing topping with a jacket, & meantime my sneezing continued. The pair of sport shoes were lined against the wall to drain out the water, I might have to use the hair dryer to blow dry them as this was the only pair in the camp.

 

While waiting for water to boil from the kettle to make Milo drink, I stepped out to the balcony & ate the dog biscuits as I was hungry. Seeing the cloudy evening sky, I twisted my wetly hair & thought about him. What was he doing now? Did he have anything to munch? Hope he would not catch the cold just like me, otherwise I had myself to blame as that affect his test, was my entire fault………… I was thinking wild.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

A knock at the door sprawled my thoughts. Turning my head around, I broke into a smile seeing him with his eyes showering me with warmth.

 

“Can I come into your room?” he asked while carrying a carrier & a thermo flask.

 

“Sure,” Leaving the door open to avoid unnecessary gossiping, I laughed before escorting him to the room, “what’s that?”

 

“You will need this.” He opened the thermo flask & poured a half cup on the flask cover.

 

“What is this? Mm……….. It smells good.”

 

“Ginger water, hopefully effective enough to stop your sneezing. Come take it down quickly. I went to the cook house & asked the cook sergeant to prepare it just now.”

 

“Thanks you dear,” I spoke softly while the drink warmed up my body. Ouch, “Dear????” fortunately no other people was around. Reciprocally I poured him the ginger water using another cup as not to spread the flu to him, “I’m bored in my room. So happy to see you come.” I clasped my palms together and pouted my lips.

 

“Hey, I have two cup noodle & a can of luncheon meat; is better than eating dog biscuit. Okay?”

 

“Thanks, you are very thoughtful.” Yes, indeed, seeing he retrieved bowls, knife, forks, spoons & a can opener from the carrier, I would rate him 100 marks.

 

“Don’t move, just sit still & give me 10 minutes to get the food done, alright.”

 

Such was an attentive person who cared for me a lot. I stared at this man, a good soldier, an excellent boyfriend & good candidate as a wonderful husband, yes, truly this was the right man to form a family, but would I be able to have children?????????????

 

 

 

I put on the song - I've Never Been To Me by Charlene Duncan, 1976, a song which was played by me frequently lately that signified my internal struggle ………………………… (Note: the lyrics "I've been to crying for unborn children" refers to a woman who is at a point in her life that she wished she had taken the time to have children) he apparently enjoyed the song but I did not explain to him the meaning of the song.........

 

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life, you’re a discontented mother, and a regimented wife. 

I’ve no doubt, you dream about the things you never do, but I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to you.

Oh, I’ve been to Georgia & California & anywhere I could run, took the hand of a preacher man, and we made love in the sun, but I ran out of places & friendly faces, because I had to be free, I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me …………. 

Please lady please lady, don’t just walk away, cause I have this need to tell you, why I’m all alone today, I can see so much of me, still living in your eyes, won’t you share a part, of a weary heart that has lived a million lives.

Oh, I’ve been to Niece & the isle of Greece, when I sipped champagne on a yacht, I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo, and showed them what I’ve got.

I’ve been undressed by kings, and I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t suppose to see, I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me ………….

Hey, you know what paradise is? It’s a lie, a fantasy we created about people & places, as we like them to be, but you know what truth is? it’s that little baby you’re holding, and it’s that man you fought with this morning, the same one you are gonna make love to tonight, that truth that’s love

Sometimes I’ve been crying for unborn children, that might have made me complete, but I, I took the sweet life, I never knew I’d be bitter from the sweet, I spent my life exploring, the subtle whoring, that costs too much to be free, hey lady I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me ………………………

 

“Come, let tuck in,” he spoke as he handed me the fork & spoon, “stir your noodle okay, there is a raw egg at the bottom.” I blushed before turning to him who had done with two bowls of cup noodle & a plate of slice luncheon meat.

 

“Wow, a raw egg at the bottom. This is fantastic.”

 

“Look, it starts to rain out there.” Kong pointed at the sky while we started eating.

 

“Yeah, I haven’t played in the rain for so long. I am sorry to dread you in.”

 

“Hey, I got to thank you for that opportunity, further I got to kiss you in the rain, he-he…”

 

“I’m just worried that you may fall sick, you know the test is just around the corner.”

 

…………………

…………………

 

”You go to bed early, okay.” Closing the evening, he said softly while keeping all utensils to the carrier, “I will do the clean-up.”

 

“I’m so sorry to trouble you. Thanks so much.” I replied & shivered with a smile.

 

That night, I had a dream; I danced with him under the rain.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Guest secret admirer]

some parts do sound like laundry list again...

To you it is a laundry list, to me it is a fine wine, you smell it, taste it, feel it & sip it.

If you do know what is wine tasting, sigh.....

[Guest guest]

Larry,

Your story is too beautuful to believe, sitting with him under the tree on the hill top. kissing in the rain, having meal in your room with him preparing the food etc etc, could these be true?

But despite of these doubtful thoughts, I could not help but looking forwards your next writing. Your beautuful use of words clearly describe the mood of a young man / woman who found love.

Keep it up & thanks.

[Larry]

Sorry a short one for today, I am not in good mood caused by a road accident.

 

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

And the next morning Thursday, I had a high fever & every joint in my body hurt. I reported to the medical centre. As I stepped into the consultation room, I found that the doctor in attendance was the MO who attended that CO dinner with us.

 

“Good morning, sir.”

 

“Hi, second lieutenant Koh, our sunny boy, what can I do for you?”

 

“Not feeling well, sore throat & running nose.”

 

He checked on my pulse & temperature, then we chatted & I told him how it felt great running under the rain last evening.

 

“Are you nuts?” he looked at me, “38 degree C, I order you sick bayed at the medical centre.”

 

“Sir, please may I stay at my barrack?”

 

“You youngster just don’t learn to take good care of your health. Before you, there was one young lieutenant jogged under the rain & was warded one week on high fever.”

 

I pestered & managed to convince him allowing me to stay at my own room, promised to finish up the medicine & came back the next morning for a follow-up, I was grateful for that & thought that the evening dinner with the commander, Kong & MO did the magic, apparently rubbing shoulder with them could bring me some privileges.

 

I walked to my office to inform my RQ on my medical leave & rang Kong at the same time, “Hey, I am having high fever, MO sick-bayed me at my barrack.”

 

“No wonder didn't see you in the cook house this morning. So how, taken your breakfast already?”

 

“No, no appetite.”

 

“What’s about lunch?”

 

“No lunch for today, just medicine & sleep.”

 

“Then, what’s about dinner? You must have some food to fight against the virus.”

 

“I will probably have my dinner at the cook house.”

 

“How’s about I bring you some liquid food to your room this evening?”

 

“But what’s about your training this evening?” I replied but was happy that he had taken such amazingly good, loving care of me through this.

 

“Oh, don’t worry about that, I will still do the training but a short one. Meanwhile, take your medicine & rest well, okay, I see you tonight.”

 

“Thanks, I love you.” I had no idea how I happened to meet up this guy, I said a little extra prayer of thanks for having someone so dear to lean on.

 

“Love you too. Bye.”

 

So there you had it; I was sick as a dog at the moment, and trying not to get too blue about it. I spent most of the day comatose on the bed, piling on two sweaters & one blanket. In-between I read some short stories from the Reader Digest but felt dizzy daze soon after & collapsed back to the bed. The entire box of soft tissues was used to blow dry my nose. My nose became red & painful; Kong would probably laugh when he saw this.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

In the evening, I felt slightly better. Anticipating his coming, I cleaned my body with a warm wet towel, combed my hair & changed into a fresh set of clothing. I opened the door & waited for him.

 

“Hey, good evening.” Smarting white PT vest & short, Kong seemed to be in an unusually good mood as he walked into my room carrying packages of food.

 

"Smells good." putting aside the magazine, I came out of the bed & walked to him to receive the packages, "thank you for getting these."

 

“Not at ‘all, I need to eat too." With a grin, he laid out the food on the table, wows, there were Malay fried goreng for him, Teochew fish porridge for me, Indian rojak, soya drinks & mix cut fruits.

 

As he laying out the food & I stood inner away from the corridor with his huge body in-between, I gave him a quick peck on his cheek, “Thank you for getting these, I appreciate.”

 

Momentarily surprised, his hand slid around my waist & whispered contentedly, "Missed you for the whole day, baby."

 

"Hey, hands off, mind you the door is opened."

 

I enjoyed the porridge, a small portion of Indian rojak & soya drink as I had not taken any food except medicines since the morning.

 

As we ate together, Kong told me about his day, another first between us. He recounted all the strange persons & silly requests he'd encountered. I had to admit, he was pretty tolerance when he wanted to be.

 

“Dear, thanks so much for all these.”

 

“Silly, I did promise to take good care of you, don’t you remember?”

 

“You are the best; I never regret to know you.”

 

“You must get well fast. I wish you can come & give me your support.”

 

“How was the test previously?”

 

“Oh, it was just like a mini carnival. As most regulars are from HQ, its non-regular personnel will also be having half day in the morning & they will be out in full force to support their respective superior.”

 

“So what’s about those candidates not from the HQ?”

 

“Well, a few company commanders & CQ. So they would not get the same support.”

 

“And how’s about you yourself?”

 

“Just a few of them, you know. As CO was participating, the support was more on him & not me. That why I want you to come.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

Friday morning I walked to the medical centre for a follow-up check as agreed upon & was certified light duty, and thus the sick-bay order was lifted, wows, it was fortunate.

 

Anyway, I got my long weekend & checked out in the evening, leaving him trained alone in the camp.

 

“Can I see you on the weekend?” he asked over the phone when I told him about my long weekend & would check out in the evening.

 

“No, you can’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Stay away from me, I still have slight flu. Remember, Monday is your test day.”

 

“I am going to miss you over the weekend.”

 

“Sweet talk,” I replied happily, “go train this evening, rest well over the weekend & pick me up on Monday morning, okay.”

 

“Yes. Madam, so long winded.”

 

“That’s my good boy.”

 

Came Monday, life would go back to normal as Kong would pick me up in the morning & would go for breakfast somewhere along the way before heading to the camp. I waked up a bit earlier, warmed up two bottles of Brand’s essence of chicken & poured onto a thermo flask; I also took along a bottle of pepper powder from the kitchen.

 

“Good morning. Feeling better today?”

 

“Yeah, I am very well after the long weekend.”

 

“Alright, let’s go for breakfast.”

 

“Today I decide the place & food & you foot the bill, okay.”

 

“Okay, you decide.”

 

Travelling backwards, we arrived at a bakery shop (still exist this day) next to Church of The Holy Family, East Coast Road.

 

The shopkeeper greeted us as I led Kong into the rear, a small courtyard with small clean round marble tables. Besides the airy courtyard, its thirty over years in home-made kaya paste was my favorite which attracted me to patronize numerously.

 

“Uncle, kopi-o & teh-o.” said Kong.

 

“Uncle, wait, wait, two Milo please.” Stopping the shopkeeper I changed his order.

 

“What?” Kong asked.

 

“Not kopi-o & teh-o, just Milo.” I replied.

 

“That’s not fair; I can’t miss the much needed caffeine.”

 

“Hey, I thought you had agreed that I do the ordering?”

 

“But….”

 

“Okay lah, just this meal okay.”

 

Anyway, the Milo came & was too late for him to argue. Next I ordered four half boiled eggs & breads with the delicious kaya paste.

 

“Dear, I had prepared this for you. It will strengthen up your energy this morning.” While waiting for the eggs & breads, I unscrewed the thermo flask & poured three quarter cup of the black liquid. I topped the drink with a light layer of pepper.

 

“Darling, I don’t like this kind of stuff. It smells so strong.”

 

“Ngggggg………….. I don’t care, I wake up so early to prepare, you know? Come la, be good, I will reward you with a candy, okay?”

 

“No, I don’t want the candy; I want a kiss from the mummy.” He looked handsome in uniform, and I adored his maturity & cheekiness with equal measure.

 

“Ai-ya, so che-ko-pak. Not here okay, you can kiss me inside the car.” I slanted my eyes & gave him a flirtatious look. I was satisfied that he had consumed three quarter of the chicken essence as I finished off the remaining. It tasted gook wah......; stupid idiot did not know how to appreciate.

 

No sooner had we started consuming our breakfast, Kong started nudging my arm & staring across our table. He was facing the shop front; I turned my head around & glanced in that direction, and didn't see anything unusual. I glanced again, and this time was stunned to realize that the commander was seated there, talking with a lady.

 

I looked back at Kong instantly & whispered, “Quick, let’s finish our breakfast & get out ASAP.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 26, 2019 by Larry

[Guest lazyboy]

Hey Larry,

Love your story.

Looking forward to your next update.

Cant wait (:

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

It was not that I hated people, I was un-sociable, unapproachable & nonchalant to things & people surround me, it might have to do with the fact that since young I just grew sick & annoy when my classmates make fun of me on my introvert behavior & small build, furthermore my cross dress fetish effectively isolated me to the outside world.

 

But things had change since falling in love with Kong; I didn't consider myself a good superior until recently, there were drastic changes in term of mood & behavior. Not only I smiled more often, I spent more time with my store personnel & attentive to trivial issues of my subordinates, I also became showing off, unlike the low profile I projected during the early days.

 

Since young, I have this quest on beautiful clothing & stuff; in particular things that are white. White, a colour used on the western wedding gown, so pure, so holy & elegant. Till this day, this liking of white colour dominates most of the clothing in my wardrobe.

 

That morning, after the flag raising ceremony, I went back to my room & changed into PT kit, a brand new white short procured from Isetan Katong over the weekend with v-cutting on the sides, a brand new white T-shirt with the OCS emblem from my officer cadet training course that I treasured so much, & of course the white socks & shoes (fortunately dried after that running under the rain with lots of hair dryer blowing). Topping, I wore a navel blue cap also from the OCS.

 

At slightly over 21 years old, my secondary sex characteristics were still very much under developed as the body hairs on the legs were sparse. Somehow, I make an effort to have a thorough shaving on Sunday afternoon. I applied the Johnson’s baby lotion on both legs, rubbed evenly before putting on the socks & shoes. Wows, looking at the mirror; my legs were smooth, extremely fair & spotless.

 

I braved myself & walked out of the room with heart pumping hard as I knew I would be the focus of those army girls, the three musketeers in particular & the ogle looks from the gangs of “bloody Mary” & fellow soldiers.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

All male regular soldiers were to take the annual fitness test regardless of their age. The test was a five-event physical performance test used to assess muscular endurance & cardio respiratory fitness. The first four tests namely sit-ups, push-ups, shuttle runs & chin-ups were conducted in the open air auditorium hall & the last test a 2.4 kilometer run would be at the football field.

 

I walked to the hall at around 830 am before the start of the test. True to what Kong had described, the hall was packed; there were the physical training instructors (PTI, the invigilators from SAFTI), the regulars, their supporters & others as spectators. Up the stage seated the female soldiers providing the administrative support on test result keeping, issuance of number tags, detail line-up & etc. The place was noisy but somehow orderly, as the candidates buzzed around making preparations for the test.

 

I stood behind the medical team stationed near the stage & searched for Kong's name. I looked at the big score board on stage & found that he was on detail # 1 with 9 other participants comprising the commanding officer, that senior medical officer & senior officers from the general staff section. Kong was assigned with tag # 2 & the detail was to start on the sit-ups station. Surprisingly my RQMS was also in that detail, that gave me good reason to get near to the detail. I walked to the sit-ups station.

 

“Staff (my RQ who was holding the rank of staff sergeant), how is your preparation?”

 

“Thanks you Sir. I think shall be okay la. Wah, sir, you look so pure & white man, as smart as the physical instructor.”

 

“Good luck, staff. I support you.” Before we could continue the conversation, someone came from behind & tapped on my shoulder.

 

“A... hi, sunny boy, where were you for the past few days? Are you here to support me?” It was the CO. My goodness, in no time, this nick name “sunny boy” would spread throughout the camp, as his voice was sufficiently loud.

 

“Good morning, sir. I was on sick-bay on Thursday & Friday last week.” My face was reddened.

 

“Yeah, I examined him. He ran under the rain & caught the fever.” The MO (Patrick) chipped in & said.

 

“Are you getting better now?” asked CO. He was always concerned on the well being of his fellow soldiers.

 

“I am fine now. Thank you, sir. I wish you all the bests for the test.”

 

“Can you see me after the test; I will like you to meet up with my wife.”

 

“Yes sir.” I was dumbfounded, with that I retreated to one side as not to affect their warming up. I saw Kong & he gave me an “Okay” hand gesture, I returned by nodding my head discretely.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 18: Annual Fitness Test

 

Almost all candidates cleared the first four tests comfortably, except a few but managed to pass with leniency from the conducting PTI. Kong did not fare well on the shuttle run as he was slow in picking up the sand parcel before making the returns which greatly affected by his big tummy. I would look into ways to help reduce his big tummy, but it might not be easy, as he was approaching the middle age.

 

All details, invigilators & crowd finally descended to the football field for the last test, the 2.4 kilometer run, a test that mandatory must pass. It would be the event with much anticipation for both participants & spectators, People were talking about the faster & the slowest, who would fail & who would pass. There were also lewd comments on the hairy legs, muscularity, big chest, big nipples & etc.

 

There were comments on me from behind too, “See that Lt. Koh, wows, his legs are so smooth & silky.”, “Look at his body, so slender.” & etc. I was glad & liked those comments, after all I dressed & shaved my legs intentionally for that.

 

I ignored those remarks as I had more important thing to do. I walked to the PTI & found out that for detail # 1 - age group fall in-between 32 to 46, the passing mark was 15 minutes 48 seconds for six laps, denoting that an average of two & a half minutes per lap would be sufficient to pass the test.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

With much fanfare, detail # 1 comprising mainly the senior officers attracted the biggest crowd & cheers during taking off. On the command of “ready, steady & go” by the PTI, I activated the timer on my watch.

 

CO was leading the run while the rests paced closely behind him. After two laps, the group started to space out as CO was still leading.

 

Right from the starting line, I saw that Kong was shadowed closely by the “babu” Singh, the senior officer from the general staff section who was unpopular among the soldiers, a sabo king & a busy body. Apparently there was sign of irritation that Kong picked up his speed considerately trying to shake him off, but the Singh followed closely. There were loud destructive cheers from the spectators & the tug of war between them on the third & forth laps.

 

“Idiot, what’s the hell you’re doing, you will flunk the test through your own foolishness.” I screamed silently, “Shit, shit, shit.”

 

Since school days, my physical teacher taught us that for distance running beyond two kilometers, “run with patience & own ability for the race set before us.” Yes, it is easy to begin the race fast but hard to finish, the one thing is staying power, & that is what so many people lack. I had seen so many men fall out at the last lap, it is easy to wreck the race by some gun-ho foolishness.

 

True to my prediction, the foolishness by the two was taking casualties on they themselves; they significantly slowed down & struggling at the beginning of the fifth lap. By the end of fifth lap, the lead group had already been whittled down to two, the CO & the MO. They smiled & moved to the last lap as announced by the conducting PTI. Everybody was clamping as the other six runners were pacing about two hundred metres behind, leaving the Singh & Kong clawing at the fifty metres mark of the fifth lap, there were slightly under two laps to complete.

 

I was getting worry, although there was seven minutes left, but with this kind of pace; both might not be able to finish the laps. When Kong ran pass me with one & a half laps & five minutes (he took more than two minutes for the last 150 metres) remaining, already exhausted, he stopped to catch his breath. He then trotted down the track; emotionally I jumped into the path.

 

“Please, push yourself, go on.” I shouted & urged him on as I paced & ran alongside with him.

 

I could hear loud cheers & whistling along the field, emotionally controlling myself not to hold his hand as he would be outright disqualified.

 

As we approached the ending point, I could hear the shouting, “Ten…………. Nine…………………... Eight …………………” The PTI was calling out the elapsed time for the last lap.

 

I was stopped by the run officials near the ending line while Kong charged against the count of “Three”. Gosh, he had made it, so did I ……………... I was so much elated as though I was the participant, his success was my success.

 

I walked slowly onto the field, pretending to use the towel on my face as my tears rolled freely on my face. Could this be the tear of joy???????????????

 

I walked to the designated cool-down area & looked for him. He was exhausted but looked fine attended by the lady medics.

 

“Thank you very much.”

 

“What? I can’t hear.”

 

“A big thanks you to you.”

 

“Say louder.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Only like that?”

 

“I love you.” He blared out. I was stunned, he was stunned, and so were the medics attended to him. The two ladies looked at us & were smiling. Wows, this was going to spread fast. My face was reddened & walked away real quick.

 

“Sir, sir, Lt. Koh, commander wants to see you now.” said the CO’ runner as he chased behind me.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 18 ---------------------

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Guest Chimity]

omg, that's it?

where's the end? The happy ending.

Kong will really die?

why???

Is this real? this story..

If you didn't add in the details of your sexual identity, I would assume that this was written by a woman.

Everything seems so touching and perfect after the bit of trauma at the start. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I would have fallen in love with him.. To me, rape is unforgivable.

But who am I to judge. I haven't even tasted half the humiliation you'd suffered in your life, to be accepted by another must be a relief. But he turned out to be such a doting man, I think I should forgive him by now.. I find myself cheering for you at times.

Please, please let this end in a good way.. Even if you may not find your paradise.

[Guest Chimity]

omg, is there a way to remove the previous post.

I just re-read my comment

and felt like a dickhead for being so insensitive and sounded like an asshole.

Thought it was all fabricated and I was only reading for my own enjoyment.

Had no idea this is a true story, until I re-read some of the posts,

I offer my condolences and sincere apologies, sister Larry.

This is a very sweet and heart aching story,

I keep reading and watching as you fall deeper into this sweet agony.

Please, I hope you find happyness in the end.

-Chimity

[Larry]

On 5/10/2010 at 12:27 AM, Chimity said:

..... If I were in your shoes, I don't think I would have fallen in love with him.. To me, rape is unforgivable.

 

Person to person or to pet, there is this thing known as chemistry. Policeman ended up loving thief, son ended up loving daughter of rival, GKS falls in love with a married man, saw it from TV dramma, movies, heard it from friend, there are real & exist.

 

If the chemistry is right, match & flourish, if the chemistry is not right, sour & lapse.

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Post-Chapter 18

 

I love you, I love you…. Yeah, he loves me, it lingered in my mind while following behind the CO’ runner, and I was in the highest of spirits. It pleased me to hear from him, though embarrassed me a fair bit, but who’s cared?

 

At the foyer next to the auditorium, CO was there chatting with group of senior officers from the battalion who had done their test. Among them there was a lady in civilian attire.

 

“Gentlemen, please excuse us, my wife likes to have a chat with Lt. Koh.” Commander spoke as to send them away.

 

"Come, sunny boy, come," said the commander, “allow me to introduce you my wife, Siok (?) Hwee (?).”

 

Slightly shorter than commander with no high heel, I noted that Mrs. Commander of about early fifty with stately grace. “Good morning, madam, I am second lieutenant Koh.” Applying the social etiquette learnt from my OCS training, I stood straight & took a 30 degree bow.

 

“How, does lieutenant Koh resemblance our girl?” CO spoke so glowingly about me to his wife with soft & caring tones.

 

"Yes indeed," she admitted with a smile, “what a fine good looking young man.”

 

I dropped my eyes, feigning distraction by the crowd as heat rose up in my cheeks.

 

“I am glad to meet you, lieutenant Koh.”

 

“Thank you, madam; it is my honour,” clearing my throat I replied uneasily, searching for suitable answer relevant to the military protocol to fill the heavy air, "what brings you here, madam?"

 

"Oh I am here to see how’s your commander perform on his fitness test."

 

“Yes, our commander is as fit as a bull.”

 

“Lt. Koh, may I ask you a personal question?”

 

“Yes Madam. I will try my best in answering.”

 

“Ummm, do you have a steady girl friend?”

 

"I beg your pardon, madam!" I was red-faced. Oh… my…. God… I hadn’t really understood her question…. Could it be that she suspecting on my sexual orientation? My mind froze searching for an appropriate reply with two pairs of eyes looking on me expectantly, I started sweating bullets.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, sunny boy, not to worry,” CO said in an undertone, “my wife’s hobby is to do some matchmaking.”

 

“Ma’am, yes, I do have one.” I lied in a low, exhausted murmur & smiled weakly, I daren’t look at her as I didn’t want her to spot my nervousness, “Sir, may I excuse myself to the wash room.” With his approval, I spun away from them & fled the foyer with a quick step.

 

Phew. That was the HARDEST situation I’ve ever encountered.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

That hateful ‘Babu” Singh failed to finish, damn damn shiok. Anyway both Kong & Singh were reprimanded by the commander at his office.

 

I skipped lunch & stayed put in my office, throughout that afternoon I continually raised disbelieving fingers to my lips. What disturbed me most was his I love you to my thoughtless demand - Only like that?

 

I could not help but feel that I had made a terrible mistake. In the early 80's, guy-guy (gay) relationship was a dark secret, a taboo that no one would want to talk, to discuss, to admit or to demonstrate out in the open. For me, it was not a guy-guy kind of thing, but rather a male & female relationship, but who would understand?

 

At 4.45 pm, I packed up, left my room & went for the dismissal parade, I resolved to adopt a strategy, and i.e. I would behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Guest timeline]

A. My First Love - Kong

Post-Chapter 18

I love you, I love you…. Yeah, he loves me, it lingered in my mind while following behind the CO’ runner, and I was in the highest of spirits. It pleased me to hear from him, though embarrassed me a fair bit, but who’s cared?

At the foyer next to the auditorium, CO was there chatting with group of senior officers from the battalion who had done their test. Among them there was a lady in civilian attire.

“Gentlemen, please excuse us, my wife likes to have a chat with Lt. Koh.” Commander spoke as to send them away.

"Come, sunny boy, come," said the commander, “allow me to introduce you my wife, Siok (?) Hwee (?).”

Slightly shorter than commander with no high heel, I noted that Mrs. Commander of about early fifty with stately grace. “Good morning, madam, I am second lieutenant Koh.” Applying the social etiquette learnt from my OCS training, I stood straight & took a 30 degree bow.

“How, does lieutenant Koh resemblance our girl?” CO spoke so glowingly about me to his wife with soft & caring tones.

"Yes indeed," she admitted with a smile, “what a fine good looking young man.”

I dropped my eyes, feigning distraction by the crowd as heat rose up in my cheeks.

“I am glad to meet you, lieutenant Koh.”

“Thank you, madam; it is my honour,” clearing my throat I replied uneasily, searching for suitable answer relevant to the military protocol to fill the heavy air, "what brings you here, madam?"

"Oh I am here to see how’s your commander perform on his fitness test."

“Yes, our commander is as fit as a bull.”

“Lt. Koh, may I ask you a personal question?”

“Yes Madam. I will try my best in answering.”

“Ummm, do you have a steady girl friend?”

"I beg your pardon, madam!" I was red-faced. Oh… my…. God… I hadn’t really understood her question…. Could it be that she suspecting on my sexual orientation? My mind froze searching for an appropriate reply with two pairs of eyes looking on me expectantly, I started sweating bullets.

“Hey, hey, hey, sunny boy, not to worry,” CO said in an undertone, “my wife’s hobby is to do some matchmaking.”

“Ma’am, yes, I do have one.” I lied in a low, exhausted murmur & smiled weakly, I daren’t look at her as I didn’t want her to spot my nervousness, “Sir, may I excuse myself to the wash room.” With his approval, I spun away from them & fled the foyer with a quick step.

Phew. That was the HARDEST situation I’ve ever encountered.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

That hateful ‘Babu” Singh failed to finish, damn damn shiok. Anyway both Kong & Singh were reprimanded by the commander at his office.

I skipped lunch & stayed put in my office, throughout that afternoon I continually raised disbelieving fingers to my lips. What disturbed me most was his I love you to my thoughtless demand - Only like that?

I could not help but feel that I had made a terrible mistake. In the early 70's, guy-guy (gay) relationship was a dark secret, a taboo that no one would want to talk, to discuss, to admit or to demonstrate out in the open. For me, it was not a guy-guy kind of thing, but rather a male & female relationship, but who would understand?

At 4.45 pm, I packed up, left my room & went for the dismissal parade, I resolved to adopt a strategy, and i.e. I would behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"n the early 70's, guy-guy (gay) relationship was a dark secret, "

this part of the story happened in 1970s?

[Guest Guest]

"n the early 70's, guy-guy (gay) relationship was a dark secret, "

this part of the story happened in 1970s?

That was 30 years ago. Dun worry, Stories like Romeo & Juliet, Liang Shan Bo & Zu Yin Tai, Madam White Snake etc were happened even long long time ago.

[Larry]

"n the early 70's, guy-guy (gay) relationship was a dark secret, "

this part of the story happened in 1970s?

Sorry, typo error, 80's was 70's.

[Guest timeline]

Sorry, typo error, 80's was 70's.

indeed.. thats what i thought...

otherwise some of the songs previously mentioned didn't make sense....in the time frame...

And 70s... that would make the still living protagonist...really old... no offence.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 19: June 20th 1983

 

"You're gonna scare everyone else off the tables." Kong observed as I deliberately let out loud sneezes.

 

"That's one way to get a seat," I grinned & pointed to a table just left vacant, “see.”

 

"Well, you little rascal!"

 

That morning, instead of abiding whichever eatery so decided by him, I requested to go for the “chwee kway” breakfast at the Capitol Theatre the moment I stepped into his car. Yes, the place that we had our first breakfast, I got very nostalgic to go there as today was my last day in the army.

 

Time flied, as after today five of us from the same cohort would be out to the outside world.

 

I did not check or find out how were their feelings, but if someone did ask me, mine was mixed, truly I was looking towards the new life in my tertiary education, but on the contrary, I would miss the morning breakfast with my dear Kong, miss his impromptu pecking on my face at the red traffic junction, miss the flirting & intimacy in the car, miss the fatherly figure of the commander, so on & so forth. Somehow, as what Chinese said, the banquet must end.

 

“Dear, after today, you will be alone for the breakfast.” I looked at him & said sadly.

 

"Right," Gradually his smile faded, “silly, we can always have breakfast on Sunday if you want.”

 

“But….” We looked at each other for a silent moment.

 

“I assure you whenever I have a long weekend or day off, we can always have breakfast together.”

 

“Yeah, I still feel a sense of loss, wish I could stay around a bit longer.”

 

“Yes, I do understand your feeling. Hey, we better start eating before the chwee kway get cold.”

 

Eating quietly, I told myself to treasure this moment & get ready to coast through the last eight hours of my full time national service.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 19: June 20th 1983

 

There would be a promotion & farewell ceremony at the open air auditorium for the five of us. Instead of kaki #1 green combat uniform with boot, we were asked to put on the newly introduced ceremonial uniform. It was second time I wore this uniform, which consists of long pant, long sleeve shirt, green tie; green jacket with epaulette carrying my rank & black leather shoes.

 

Feeling edgy & excited, I stared at the mirror, adjust & readjust my head gear repeatedly. Then a light knock was on the door.

 

Kong was at the door step donning the same uniform complete with his long service medals. He looked smart & was well groomed.

 

“Hey, are you ready?”

 

“Come, come. Come inside the room,” I dragged him & stood in front of the mirror, “how, okay or not?”

 

“A…... hello, you are not going for beauty contest la. Okay, okay, pretty okay.”

 

“Well……. Are you sure?”

 

“Is about time, you don’t want to be late right?” With that I reluctantly move my butt & descended down to the auditorium hall.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Kong & I parted way at the ground level & I shyly walked into the auditorium. The hall was packed with long benches fully occupied by personnel from the HQ, Alpha, Bravo & Support companies. Charlie, Delta & Echo were only represented by the company commanders as none of us was attached to. All in all, it was about 600 over people either sitting or standing around the hall. Wow, I was taking aback for that big turn up.

 

There was a roll of plastic chairs taken from the cook house arranged up front meant for the officers & senior regimental staffs. I looked around & saw the MPO, my classmate who also would be retired today waving at me. There was an empty seat beside him supposedly for me.

 

“What happen? Why so slow? You la, always late since school days.” he grumbled.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” I replied softly.

 

“Larry, this is bad habit, you better get it rectify.” Okay, la… sorry lo….. So long winded, no wonder no girl friend up to now, I thought.

 

At the side of the hall the MC (master of ceremony) gathered & briefed us on the details of the event, all five of us would be promoted from second lieutenant to full lieutenant. We would have to go up the stage in the order of our alphabetical surname, first would be the MPO my classmate from HQ, second, the military transport officer from Support company, also my classmate, but we never talk since school days for unknown reason, followed by the two platoon commanders from Alpha & Bravo company respectively, and lastly me the Quartermaster from HQ. I was glad to be the last as I would observe & followed what my predecessors had done. So lucky …………..

 

The ceremony started promptly at 10 am. The 2IC (Kong), senior MO (Patrick), three senior officers from General Staff (inclusive that babu Singh idiot), the six company commanders & lastly the battalion commander went up to the stage & seated.

 

All rose & remained standing for the singing of the National Anthem. Next was by CO with his opening speech. On first half of his speech he spoke about the impending formation of a new reserved brigade with personnel coming from the existing A, B, C, D, E, Support & HQ companies which would run out from full time national service six months down the road. He urged all to stay as a cohesive group as all would be back together in the reserve service.

 

Next he continued on the main theme of the ceremony (to my best memory):

 

“Today, we are here to witness the five fine young men…., who serve their services dutifully ……………., welcome to the promotion ceremony for xxx, xxx, xxx, xxx & Lt. Larry Koh (We stood up one by one when our name was announced by CO), …… in this happy occasion, I feel sad to see you leaving us after today, ……. I wish you all the best in your future endeavour in works or further studies, bring back your valuable knowledge, come back & serve in the reservist….. It’s not about you; it’s about the men you’re going to lead. … If you can remember that, you’ll be a successful leader…. Thank you. And God bless all of you. Thank you.”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 19: June 20th 1983

 

The promotion ceremony started soon after the CO speech. The female aide came forward & stood next to the commander, she was carrying a sparkling tray with the new epaulettes. MPO was the first one went up to the stage, he looked poised, compose & confidence, he should have no problem as he was active in the school as the master of ceremony for concerts & morning flag raising ceremonies. He saluted to the CO, after which the CO retrieve his old epaulette & sleeved in the new one.

 

“Let clap & welcome outgoing MPO to give us a short speech.” said MC.

 

This was not supposed to be in the event, I was stunned, gosh, and would he ask everyone to give a speech in front of so many people? Die, die, die, what was I going to say? My mind went blank as I was drifting away……………….

 

“Lt Koh, sir, Lt Koh.” Someone from behind poked my waist & shouted near my ear.

 

I looked up, ouch, it was my turn. I was day dreaming, I did not know how many times my name was called upon. My face was reddened; I put on my beret & went up the stage hurriedly.

 

At the last step, I lost balance & tripped forward. CO was quick to walk forward & held out his hand. To my surprise I was pulled into a bear hug prevented me from falling & just as suddenly he let go.

 

Oh, my my, again I smelt that nice body odour emitting from him since that billiard game, it was suiting & drowning, how fortunate his wife was. I was about to think wild but forced myself to be alert as I could not afford to have another screw-up. The epaulette changing went on.

 

“Now let welcome Lt Koh to give his farewell speech.” The dreadful moment finally arrived.

 

“I ………. I …………..” I stood on the rostrum but my mind went blank, for all along I have stage fright.

 

“Larry Larry, Larry Larry ………………….” The crowd cheered me on.

 

I caught sight of the commander. As I made eye contact with him he smiled encouragingly.

 

He walked behind me & said, “Go on,” he urged gently, “come-on, sunny boy, you must say something before they allow you to go down.”

 

“Sunny boy, sunny boy, Larry, sunny boy …………………..” It was done deal; the sunny boy would now be official, why was he talking directly to the mike?

 

"Sir," my face went reddened & looked down, "I don't think I can do it, I don’t know what’s to say."

 

Commander leaned forward & whispered, "Hey, do you love them? Miss them?" his voice came through clearly & gently, “now, carry on."

 

"Huh?"

 

“Guys, fellow colleague & my dear commander ………..” The crowd went into silent.

 

“I ….... I love you all.” As if in a dream or trance, I spoke & walked down the rostrum hurriedly.

 

The crowd burst into loud response, “We love you too, Larry………………..”

 

“It is indeed a short & precise farewell speech.” Said MC as to conceal my embarrassment, but the crowd seemed like that with loud clapping & cheering as the noise reached a crescendo. I just hoped that the hall did not collapse because of the loud foot stomping.

 

I walked along the stage, saluted & shook hand with all senior officers on stage. As I approached Kong as the last senior officer, I shook his hand & gave him a quick peck on his face. He was stunned & motionless; he looked straight into me & was speechless. He must be shouting holy shit at that moment. It would be my last chance, I must do this as I would regret for the rest of my life if I chicken out.

 

There was loud whistling at the floor. The senior officers at the far end might be figuring out what the hell was going on at this end except the senior MO Patrick next to Kong; I rushed down the stage & I saw the soldier “Mary” gave me a thumb up sign.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Guest curious]

Hey, what's next? Please don't make us wait.

[Larry]

Sorry, am busy, just a short one, okay?

 

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 19: June 20th 1983

 

I went back to my seat & we were waiting for MC to announce the closure of ceremony.

 

“Lt Koh, please come up to the stage again. All personnel please remain seated.” Ai-yo, what was going on, going up stage again? I looked at MPO & the rest, looking for an answer but them merely flexing their shoulders. So clowning then …………………, I thought.

 

“Ladies & gentlemen, we have two persons here to present Lt Larry Koh a farewell present. First, Corporal Tan xx, will you come up to the stage?”

 

“Thank you, Sir, I wish you all the best.” Oh, that Corporal Tan, the CQMS from Bravo company, the one who was scolded by me but then I went to apologize with a box of chocolate.

 

“You too, take care, I will miss you.”

 

“Next is Lance Corporal Lim xx.” Who was this chap? Did I know him? I asked myself. Holy shit, coming up the stage was that “Mary”.

 

“Sir, I wish you all the best.” He said as he presented me a bouquet of beautiful flowers & a little card.

 

“Thank you. Sorry I only know your name today, Lance Corporal Lim.”

 

“I appreciate your leniencies & admire your gut demonstrated just now, you are my idol.” He spoke softly.

 

I was worried that he would kiss me but did not, wow, that was lucky. I gave him a hug & spoke softly near his ear, “You take care & you are not alone.”

 

There were loud cheers & sound of many boots hitting the floor. I was touched as controlling hard not to let my tears rolled but failed. This was my best moment in my military career.

 

I walked quickly & told Kong that I would go back to my room to recompose myself.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 19: June 20th 1983

 

Kong came about fifteen minutes later knocking on the door. “Hey, all five of you are to be at the mess for the champagne uncorking. You better hurry. I go get the commander now.”

 

Keeping my emotion in check, I stepped onto the officers’ mess. People had gathered around the bar counter waiting for the commander to arrive. All preparations were ready; the staffs from the cookhouse were around to add the final touches to the buffet luncheon.

 

The commander arrived in company with Kong, the battalion 2nd in-command. Surprisingly no speech was given; simply the commander received a bottle of champagne from the mess staff & did the uncorking. More bottles were uncorked by other senior officers while the mess staff busily filled up all glasses.

 

“Everybody listen, do go get yourself a glass, make sure is topping up with champagne.” Kong made the announcement.

 

Meanwhile I noted that the outgoing MPO (my classmate, one of the five of us) walked to the front. Holding a glass for himself, he said, “Dear all, five of us like to propose a toast.”

 

“Larry, where are you? Please come to the front quickly.” He called out my name, damn, why the last minute, real sobo-king, I cursed while walking to the front hurriedly.

 

He raised his glass dramatically. “We wish our commander good health & many good years to come.”

 

The usual tranquility at the officer's Mess was broken by the sound of cheer. One by one, five of us, we clinked glasses with the commander & drunk each other’s health.

 

“Sunny boy, this luncheon is yours, enjoy & don’t be shy.”

 

“Thank you Sir.” I took a sip as he looked deep into my eyes.

 

The buffet meal was truly magnificent. The army cookhouse had exceeded itself, as always on occasions such as this, a sincere thank you, also to the staff of the officers’ mess who provided the free flow of drinks & music during the lunch.

 

The buffet luncheon was rounded off with five of us having a group photo taking with the commander.

 

“My best wishes to you &….” Commander paused for continuation, “Kong. My sunny boy, go find your happiness.” He shook my hand & again looked deep into my eyes.

 

"Huh?"

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

In the late afternoon, I attended another farewell party organized by the QM section. There was nothing special, nothing emotional, just food, drinks & more hand shakings, they probably happy to see me go...

 

At 5 pm, holding the bouquet of flowers given by Mary & a small haversack carrying remaining books left in my room as most other personal belonging had been sent to home over the weekend; I skipped the evening dismissal parade & waited for Kong next to his car.

 

There was a long moment of silent throughout the ride to Aunty Lily’ home.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Hmm. Shih… listen….”

 

When I was young I'd listen to the radio, Waiting for my favorite songs, When they played I'd sing along, It made me smile. Those were such happy times and not so long ago, How I wondered where they'd gone, But they're back again, Just like a long lost friend, All the songs I love so well

 

 

There was a tinge of sadness with the song playing on air. As the car travelling further from the camp, bye the hill top…, bye the sea front…., bye the vast empty land where we kissed under the rain…., bye my commander…

 

Every sha-la-la-la every wo-ho-wo-ho still shines, Every shing-a-ling-a-ling, That they're starting to sing so fine, When they get to the part, Where he's breaking her heart, It can really make me cry just like before, It's yesterday once more.

Looking back on how it was in years gone by, And the good times that I had, Makes today seem rather sad so much has changed, It was songs of love that I would sing to them, And I'd memorize each word, Those old melodies, Still sound so good to me, As they melt the years away.

 

 

My thoughts wandered forwards to my future…... would I be back to this camp as a reservist….. Or would I be back as Kong’ fiancée…. or as Mrs. Kong….? ……..

 

“Pick me up the same time tomorrow for breakfast, will you?” As his car stopped in front of Aunty Lily house, I asked while opening the car door.

 

“Sure, but I thought…”

 

“Same place same time, bye.”

 

So the day ended. Another important date had added to my life, Monday, June 20th 1983.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 19 ---------------------

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Sorry, a song Yesterday Once More was added to Chapter 19.

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 20: The Soul Searching

 

My national service was now over; staying away from home was no longer an option. I felt dreadful as I would lose the freedom to cross dress, which I had try vigorously to eradicate but failed, a behavior probably the most misunderstood kind of “abnormal” life.

 

Well, I did have a complete family, dad, mom, grandma & a belated baby sister when I was at primary four, how could I develop this fetish?

 

Grandma came from a small farming village in Guangzhou province of China; she worked for a renowned Teochew family as baby sitter & accumulated some money from her work. Later on she ran a coffee powder stall in Joo Chiat Market during the 50s’ & paid huge sum of money bringing dad into Singapore from China which was in a state of turbulence.

 

Dad left behind his loved one in China, his dark secret was revealed through a heated argument between them when grandma was frail & bedridden. It was grandma biggest regret when she told me at her death bed that she would have bring his beau over too.

 

But was this her fault? Definitely not! How could she know if dad kept mum about it? Dad was such an introvert person never spoke out & kept anything & every thing under wrapped; he was so self-centered with little concern even with his own family members.

 

Grandma was a headstrong woman adopting the rich family mentality from her work & controlled the family as a matriarch. Since young, grandma doted on me which in accordance to Chinese customary, me the eldest grandson is considered as her “end” son.

 

From Johor a rich baba family with two housewives, mom was the eldest in a family with 15 siblings, thirteen boys & two girls. She was match-make to dad as to avoid potential harassment from the Japanese soldiers during the occupation. Was there love in-between them? I was rather skeptical about this as I didn’t observe any affection demonstrated.

 

Life for dad was routine, boring & predictable; manned the coffee powder stall from 7 am at Joo Chiat Market & came home at 5 pm for dinner, seven days a week except three days rest during the Chinese New Year days.

 

Mom stayed home for all house works as directed by grandma. Since I was young, they never get along well & there were lots of scolding from grandma on mom’ cooking, housekeeping & etc. Because of this mismatch of culture between them; the baba paranakan against the traditional Teochew and the headstrong grandma versus mom, eldest daughter from a rich family, this family could never have peace.

 

It was hurtful that dad chose to remain silent at home, it was his defense mechanism, his way of protest towards the strict control of grandma, who utterly dominated the household & with whom he never given a chance to argue. It might also be his defiance of the arranged marriage with mom that he never agreed, I thought.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 28, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 20: The Soul Searching

 

For all this years, I firmly believe that my gender confusion is caused by the mix-up in the gender identity, my inner feeling of femaleness that was not seen by anyone, and my perception that not relevant to my anatomical sex.

 

I visited three psychiatrists, first was in JC1 (please refer to Chapter 9 dated Oct 27 ’09), next when I was 7/24 cross dressed & tried to get exemption from the reservist, lastly during my university study to have it examined & understood.

 

The analyses from them were the same, i.e. as all children identified first with the most significant other person in their life – the mother; the male kid must discontinue his identification with his mom on the road to his male identity.

 

So for me without a male figure because of dad’s reclusive behavior & surrounded by the two females during the childhood formation age probably caused the hurdle to skip the maternal influence towards my maleness. With close to eight hundred over bucks spent on consultations, this was the conclusion from them on my gender dysphasia. Do I believe? Yes & no, but what’s the hack of doing this? Will I get a cure after this? May be next life, I asked.

 

Yes, I do agree that in the earlier formative of a child, the harmony, the relationship between the father & mother, & between parents & other family member (grandma for my case), do have an influence on the child’s perception of gender in later life, this process is very much subconscious phenomenon.

 

But that is not all. What was actually happening in the external environment & my internalization during early childhood had modulating effects on my final gender identity, I remember clearly I wore pinafore (ha!, Could this be counted as my first cross dressing but not at my initiative) to attend a kindergarten somewhere along Geylang Lorong 24 solely for female students.

 

My grandma, probably due to ignorance, might had uncannily been responsible for my gender confusion; I did not blame her, what could be expected from an uneducated woman from China? Her intention was to give me a good foundation start in education & knowledge development.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued....

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

Some told me this chapter is very dry, so sorry.

 

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 20: The Soul Searching

 

Ling who came from a single child family as his father died early during his infant is my childhood friend since primary one till pre-university second year in a catholic mission school. We were neighbors on the same road four houses apart. His mom aunty Lily ran a beauty & hair saloon in the Katong area.

 

I was closed to Ling not only we were neighbours, from the same school but also we did have a kind of special connection that could not be explained. I could not recall when & how we found to have the similar cross dress fetish but our sisterly relationship is so much enhanced even up to these days.

 

So until the appearance of Kong, my sexual orientation was not being properly defined. Did I like girl or guy? (Note: sexual orientation refers to a person’s preference for his or her sex partners, for example, gays & lesbians are individuals with different sexual orientation from the norm).

 

The closest encounter which gave me fantasy between guy-guy relationships before meeting Kong was during the billiard game with my senior in my first year of the high school, other than that, my sexual preference was neither here nor there.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 20 ---------------------

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 21: Life Before The First Semester

 

In the evening after dinner, I told mom that I would go jogging daily as to keep fit, as usual she nodded nonchalantly. As far as mom’s concern, she just wanted to know my whereabouts for the sake of dad query, but not going onto details such as with who, how long, where to & etc. Such was the kind of faintly discernible mother-son relationship between us; I said she listened, if you don’t ask I will not say.

 

So on Tuesday the next day immediately after my run-out-date, I woke up as usually early at around 515 am, changed into jogging gear & waited for Kong’s picking up at the front gate of my house.

 

“Hey. Good morning.” He grinned at me showing his ‘Colgate’ white teeth.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“Where’s to go for breakfast?” He asked.

 

“Some place nearby… Well, let’s go to Geylang Serai Hawker Centre.”

 

You never know, it is a wonderful food paradise, we were spoilt for choices, the mee siam, laksa, lotong, mee roboss, curry puff etc etc. We would have no problem to come here daily.

 

“Ah-ha, what’s a good location, why didn’t we visit here much earlier?”

 

“Uh, is next to the market place, can be a bit smelly.”

 

I initiated this breakfast meet, getting used to meet in the morning for last eight months, I wanted to continue this practice; wishing this could continue even my university semester started. So till with clearer picture on the forthcoming curriculum which was one month down the road, we would go for breakfasts in the Joo Chiat / Geylang Seria vicinity, I was glad that he was able to accommodate this arrangement.

 

“Hey, let’s tuck in.” I was embarrassed urging him to tuck in the food to alleviate his flirtatious stare.

 

“It feels good just to look at you.”

 

“Funny. Stop starring & go to work quickly.”

 

“It just can’t be help. I have to wait for another 24 hours to see you. You know?”

 

With his companion, his good spirit, his jokes & laughs were the best breakfast appetizer; I too would look at him passionately for every minute, every second, and every moment. Truly I was in love with this man, a man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with, such was the love-love flourishing in-between us.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued....

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 21: Life Before The First Semester

 

“I see you tomorrow morning.” I spoke as we had finished our breakfast.

 

“Come, let me send you back.”

 

“No, you go ahead; I will walk to my dad shop just across the street.”

 

Kong continued his journey to Tuas camp while I strolled to dad’ coffee powder shop which opened at around 6.30 am. It was expected & an unwritten rule from young that I would have to help up at the shop not later than 645 during school vacations. Any lateness would result in continuous nagging, grumbling & at times four letters Hokkien words from him, and such was my dad.

 

After the two & a half years disruption by the national service & now waiting for the start of first year, would such unwritten rule still exist or not? I dared not ask nor take chance as I knew dad well, he was extremely calculative on every cent he spent on me. After my JC2 while waiting for my NS, he once told me to be financially independent as his duty as father ended there, such was the cruel & hurting words that make me cried in the middle of the night numerously. What sort of rubbish he was talking? A few classmates who were exempted from NS due to medical reasons & studied overseas now, from where the financial means they obtained from? Surely were from their parents, needed not to ask.

 

But what’s about me? The shop business was good; we stayed in private house in Joo Chiat, AND I WAS HIS ONLY SON. Wasn't I his son? Was I not his flesh & blood? I never forgive him up to these days.......... I hated him.

 

I was fortunate enroll into a local university, I could not imagine if I have to go overseas if my results were not good enough for the local U. Would he fund me? Surely no way, I thought..

 

With no roof on my head, I would not want to offence him. On school fee, I was quite worried, I might have enough funds for the first two years, but might have to work part time such as giving tuitions to fund the last two years, as I was not prepared to ask a single cent from him. I was determined & I did it.

 

Zero communication throughout the five over odious hours; I just did my work, attended to customer orders, weighed the powder & collected the money. As for coffee break, he would go first while I would take mine when he returned, every thing was silent & auto, liked two strangers, such was the hostile father-son relationship since childhood.

 

At about 12 noon, I was no longer needed at the shop & would head home for lunch. So in the nutshell, the next four years would be quite a hell of balancing act in-between study, family business & my love life.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

to be continued.......

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 21: Life Before The First Semester

 

Such was the hatred & uninviting relationship with dad & mom respectively, so much so that they didn’t even turn up for my national service enlistment in People’s Association at Old Kallang Airport although I told them not to come if they were busy. Honestly I envied my classmates & others came with their family members, my heart pained but I put up a brave front. Was I an orphan? Yes, it was, yes, it was, I screamed loud in my heart………………….

 

Similarly they repeated absence on my recruit passing out parade & importantly my officer cadet graduation presiding by the defence minister, instead witnessing my commissioning were Aunty Lily & Ling, my dearest big sister.

 

They said nothing when I passed them the invitation card which was bilingual, so I never want to remind, ask or coax them. Coming to see their son celebrating his achievement would cause a dent on daily income & additional expense on the taxi fare, I thought.

 

Only grandma, yes only her who lived under the same roof took good care of me since young, from kindergarten till secondary four. She bought me to school by bus every day single-handedly, rain or shine without fail. Liked the other mothers, domestic servants & grand parents gathered in the school tuck shop, she would lay the food on the table & ready for me during recess times, she must be enjoyed doing this reminiscent her early days as baby sitter, but this time was not on her little employer but rather for her own grandson.

 

The laying of food on the desk did help me a lot as I am a slow eater (can’t change this eating habit even these days). It also helped as I was short to compete with those tall guys. I remember very well that I was the shortest in the class, since primary one till secondary; I was always the first one in the class lineup. So grandma pampered me so much with her unreserved attention as though I were the little prince (may be princess I thought). Such was the daily scene during my primary days.

 

During my secondary especially from secondary three, her persistent fetching me to school made me extremely uncomfortable.

 

“Aiyo, like Kù-nang, still need grandma to bring to school.”

 

“He thinks he is rich man son…………………”

 

“Aiya, rich man son where got take bus? …………….”

 

Those were the hurting remarks behind my back. I walked extremely fast to distance her the moment we stepped down from the bus. I saw her fragile body chasing behind me with shoulder slinging the food & drink up the slope. I was such an un-filial grandson, why I cared so much about these remarks? Whenever I thought of this, my tears would always roll (ouch, my tears start dropping now). Grandma, I love you dearly, please forgive me ………………………..

 

Grandma passed away when I was in pre-u two. Bye, grandma, would you still take me to be your grandson or granddaughter in the next life??????????

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 21 ---------------------

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 22: Freshmen Orientation

 

Trying to escape from the stifling atmosphere at home, just like what I did during my army days, I planned to opt for a hostel in the student halls initially, but scrapped the idea soon after realizing that the lodging fee would eat up my saving & I might not able to pay up the year two school fee.

 

Moreover, meeting Kong & big sister Ling regularly & frequently could also be a problem, as the hostels were in Bukit Timah area, a considerable distance from Joo Chiat.

 

Although the engineering faculty would eventually move to Kent Ridge campus, but from the course prospectus, majority of the classes in year 1983-84 would still be held at Prince Edward campus. So practically, it made sense to go from home as it took less than twenty minutes by bus to the campus at Shenton way. I would have to look for solution the next year when all engineering disciplines consolidated into one main campus at Kent Ridge.

 

Day 4 after my ROD, I went to Prince Edward Campus to collect my student pass. Together with other freshmen, we walked to the student union house to collect freshmen orientation package & were urged by the student leaders to come for the orientation camp.

 

During the whole process, I overheard people gossiping about violence & incidents of ragging happened in the orientation camp.

 

I asked Ling who was going for his third year, he spoke that the freshman orientation program was rough & crude, instead of orientating & help you get accustomed with the campus life, some seniors would do all kind of ragging on the freshmen to reinforce their seniority.

 

“Dear, how was the orientation camp at your time, in particular relating to violence & ragging?” I asked him his views regarding this burning issue.

 

“Well, as far as ragging is concerned; some seniors felt that ragging were essential of university life, but sometimes these ragging or so-called friendly interactions turned into something ugly.”

 

“How was these friendly ragging turned ugly?”

 

“That is the core of the problem, what maybe friendly for the seniors, maybe equally uncomfortable for some freshmen. Of course I don’t rule out there were bad blood between some individual seniors & freshmen?”

 

“Huh, bad blood between seniors & freshmen?”

 

“So simple, just think, could it be possible that some seniors & freshmen overlapped each others during their national service?”

 

“Yeah, those seniors going to year two this year could possibly interact with the freshmen during their last months of service.”

 

“Imagine some seniors are just NCO & were ill treated by some freshmen who are officers, they might take revenge during the orientation camp.”

 

“Phew! I am lucky that I didn’t pull rank on my soldiers.”

 

“Don’t be too complacent, you better keep secret about your rank as there are sadists out there who are not commissioned.”

 

“I thought there were female seniors around.”

 

“Yeah, but is not for engineering.” He paused for continuation, “When it comes to ragging, engineering faculty which was male dominant always seemed to report the maximum of such incidents.” He lowered his tone & talked like an old man. He was an actor, I thought.

 

“Oh, is scary. I better don’t go. Hey, give me some examples la.”

 

“Well… okay. This was a classic one, you will be asked to put your head in the toilet bowl & those seniors will pull the toilet flush.”

 

“Ai-yo, so disgusting. How can these seniors do this kind of things?”

 

“Ai-ya, this was nothing man. Wait till they hang a banana flapping between your legs & ask you to walk around the room packed with female students that will be even more interesting.” He said with a funny face.

 

“How come you all boys can be so naughty ha?” Ouch, I was also one of the boys, what wrong with me?

 

“Na …, it has nothing to do with boys or girls, they probably just want to have fun but sometimes overdoing.”

 

“Don’t tell me the school admin can allow such ragging?”

 

“There were notices all over the campus reminding the consequences of ragging & also for new students to report. Most of the times were undetected & unpunished, who dare to report?”

 

“………………..”

 

“…………………………..”

 

“You are to walk around the room with four legs on the floor & bark.” He whispered.

 

“You are to march without shirt but with a neck tie.” He looked serious.

 

“ ………………..”

 

“…………………………..”

 

“Sure or not?”

 

“Don’t believe, go & find out la.”

 

“You had done this before on others, right?”

 

“May be, don’t know.” He flexed his shoulder.

 

“Aiyo, you are super naughty.” May be he was pulling my legs, I hit his arm lightly.

 

“Come to daddy here. I will never allow anyone to bully you.” He dragged me onto his broad shoulder & kissed me passionately. Yes, I did believe that he would do his utmost to protect me, as I was his one & only ……………….

 

Anyway, to be safe, I heeded their advices & skipped the orientation.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 22 ---------------------

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 23: New School Year

 

During the month break, I spent many afternoons in National Library searching for information leading to actualization of my dream, to get marry & be his wife legally recognized. A milestone chart was drafted; the search was done without Ling companion as he was doing his industrial attachment.

 

My laisser-faire army life was over, and would be in full swing pursuing academic excellent. Unlike in post secondary, study studiously just because my classmates were all doing it, this time it came with purposes, with ultimate objective of breaking away from my family, to get graduated, have a good job, financially independent, and ultimately striding to realize & officiate the relationship in-between me & Kong.

 

Such were the thoughts & desires, but first of first was to lie low for the next four years, act blur with my parents, salvage through my study & get graduated.

 

So it was my first day at Prince Edward campus, I woke up as the usual 515 am & went breakfast with Kong nearby, after that I went home to prepare for class while he headed back to camp.

 

With Ling we arrived at around 8 am, welcoming us was the already risen morning sun, the noisy & congested campus with students from Singapore Poly & Uni criss-crossing each other rushing for classes, it was a brand new experience. Ling walked me to the libraries, canteen & student union house before going for his class at 9 am.

 

With many new students, we waited at the main lecture theatre (MLT) for our first class, looking around, not even a single female, the Prince Edward campus was indeed male dominated.

 

Ling waited for me outside the MLT & went for lunch next to the bus terminal; it was a narrow lane with about six to seven stalls. I was introduced to Ling’s group of closed classmates who were there waiting.

 

“Hello, guys, let me introduce, this is Larry, my good friend since childhood.”

 

“Hi.” I was shy & felt restrain. There were Shawn, Dave & Desmond; beginning their third year, young, handsome & good looking. These three young men & Ling played pivotal roles at a latter stage of my life; I will talk about them in Part 2 & 3.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

Since secondary school days, the secretive hours I spent as Jennifer alone & together with Ling cast a continuing shadow over all relationships I formed, no one inclusive my dad, mom, grandma, my teachers or my classmates really knew me. They knew me as Larry as I kept the female component of my personality deeply buried. Auntie Lily was the next person beside Ling able to know my sexual inclination at a later stage when I fell for Kong.

 

The university life gave me a difference perspective; it was free, easy & conducive. Unlike the secondary school days, there was no fixed class room, no fixed attendance so long as meeting the 80% quota & no school uniform. Jeans with torn patches, t-shirts & slippers were a common sight.

 

And most importantly, some were keeping long hairs, which came with pony tails, or messy & looked hippies & one was even spotted with a female hairpin. I discussed with Ling & decided to keep our hairs long till shoulder length, neat & silky. This would be our first step in coming out.

 

I also formed my own circle of associates from the class, they were tall & handsome. Since post secondary, however deep I buried the existence of Jennifer, her presence made it known in a subtle way. For example, my choice classmates were mostly tall & handsome boys as I had preference on beautiful things. Since I was somewhat short in height, I felt a strange kind of security with these tall guys towering over me; I gladly bowed to them on their physical superiority. I enjoyed that distinction.

 

------------------------- End of Chapter 23 ---------------------

Edited July 30, 2019 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 24: Some Math’s Problem

“Hello.”

“Hey, grandma, this is Jennifer.”

“Ai…………, Jennifer, how are you? Grandma always thinks of you, why you never come & visit me?”

“Oh, sorry, I was busy in my study. I am doing engineering in the university.”

“Yes, Kong had told me that. So how is your study?”

“A bit tough, I hope I can pass.”

“You must study hard, okay! Grandma has fate on you.”

“Thanks, grandma.”

“Nowadays, both husband & wife must all work, otherwise is difficult to survive.”

“Yes, I ………….” I was lost for word. I felt sweet in my heart as she mentioned husband & wife.

“Jennifer, let me tell you, as woman, you must be financially independent, understand?”

“Yes.”

“You also help to look after my grandson money, okay?”

“But ……….. "

“Jennifer, please give Kong a chance & marry him. You won’t disappoint me the wish of an old lady?”

“Grandma, I will. Yes, is truly.”

“I am happy to hear this from you.”

“Grandma, may I talk to Kong? Is he in?”

“Yes, yes, he is in. Please wait.” Grandma called out Kong over the phone, “Kong, Jennifer is on the phone.”

“Yes, darling, what up?”

“Dear, I am having some math problems, are you able to help?” Although it was true that I did have problems on the mathematics, but fact was that I missed him since the last meeting on Saturday evening. It had been four days not able to meet him for breakfast as I slept late for the late night study.

“I can try but no promise. So where’s to meet?”

“I will come over to your house.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I packed the math book, a writing pad & the pencil case onto my favorite white canvas bag & slung over my shoulder. As I walked out of my room, I spoke loudly, “Mom, I am going to friend’s place to study.”

“Remember to bring along the house key & don’t come back late.” She replied from the kitchen.

It was an ideal way to get out of the house, as study was an approved activity since grandma era, and the dedication I showed was considered commendable by the family. It was excusable if I stayed a bit longer at Ling’s place (just four houses in-between, not big deal, right?). Meanwhile, I was able to escape the oppressive presence of my dad who held court all night in the living room as a couch potato. He was watching the Chinese “Variety Show Tonight” & there was no exchange of word in-between us when I walked pass him.

Over at Auntie Lily’s house, as Ling was not back from class I got permission from Auntie Lily to change my clothing at Ling room. I put on the bra, a lady polo T, a tight skirt & a baseball cap. All these stuff were stored at Ling room with his acknowledgement. I applied a thin layer of lip gross, leaving my male clothing in the room & walked out of the room confidently.

“Yes, you look convincing.” Auntie Lily gave me the approval before I headed off to meet Kong.

Since my coming out to her, she was more than happy to see me in female mode, ultimately she would always treat me as her daughter since young. Since primary, with grandma permission, I would run to Auntie Lily’s house whenever I became mad with my dad or mom, in my heart, I acknowledged Auntie Ling dearer than my mom.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 24: Some Math’s Problem

“Come; come in, my lovely girl.” Kong’s grandma came & opened the front gate. She ought to be at the garden for quite sometime waiting for me, I thought.

“Thanks. How are you, grandma?” I bowed to her & greeted politely.

“Grandma is fine. Come, let sit down & I have something to talk.” We sat on the stone bench at the car porch.

“Ah, I can see that you are wearing the bracelet.” She exclaimed as she held up my two hands. Yes, it was indeed the same bracelet given by her during our first meeting.

“You have nice & smooth fingers, just like me when I was young.”

“Thanks, grandma.” My face was reddened & replied softly.

“Jennifer, I am giving you this red packet to wish you luck in your study.” She took out a red packet from her blouse pocket & pressed it firmly on my hands.

“Thanks, grandma, you are too nice to me.”

“Ai-yo, don’t ever say that okay. I already take you as my grand daughter-in-law.” She continued, “Keep the red pocket properly. Come let get inside the house, I shall not delay your study.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

“Kong, Jennifer is here.”

“A…, hi, you are here. Great.” Kong came out from his room, I saw his eyes sparkling. This was the second time that I was in skirt at his house.

“Kong, I hand over Jennifer back to you, take good care of her, okay?”

“Yes.” He replied but his eyes remained zeroing on me.

“By the way, there are two glasses of Milo in the freezer. I am going to sleep now; you youngsters carry on, all right.”

“Good night, grandma.” We replied in unison. We waited for grandma retiring to her room.

“I tell you what, if you don’t move your eyes away from me, I am going to dig out your eyes, so che-ko-pak.” I whispered softly.

“Alamak, see also cannot ma….. Who ask you has a pair of sexy legs.”

“So are you going to keep watching my legs or to start coaching me?” I pretended to be angry, but honestly I enjoyed such flirting.

“Ai-ya, don’t be angry la. Okay la, okay la, let start the class now, okay?” He lifted up the cloth curtain of his room for my entry. I walked to his desk & took out the math book & the writing pad. Meantime, he went & closed the door.

“Hey, what are you doing?” I was thinking wild.

“Nothing, I just want to turn on the air-con what.”

“Okay la, sorry la. I though you were up to no good.”

“Alamak, I am a gentleman okay.”

“Ya la ya la.” Meanwhile he went to the kitchen & brought in another chair. Sitting beside me, he attended to the first math questionnaire.

“…………………….”

“Dear, but how come …………..”

“……………………..”

“But ………………”

“……………………”

“Like that loh, so simple …………………”

“…....but the answer still wrong lay………”

“Hm…………,” he was thinking hard, “may be we must use another approach, let see………..”

I sat quietly beside & watched him intensely, wow, what a man, his bushy brows, his thick lips, his thick ear lobes …………., so sweet & so adorable. I felt like touching him.

“Bingo, see, my mind still not rusty, right?” He worked out the solution & found to have the same answer from the back of the book. He was so delighted & raised his right arm.

“Okay, la, clever lo…..” Men are men, all like to be praised.

“Any reward?”

“Shoo…. Don’t disturb, I must finish the rest.”

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 24: Some Math’s Problem

By 850 pm I finished off all questions & packed all stuff back onto my canvas bag. I was happy that able to complete this assignment for tomorrow class discussion. Meanwhile, Kong was lying on the bed apparently dozing off, what a big fat lazy pig. I shifted my eyes downward & noticed that he was having a tent-up, he ought to be having a dirty dream, typical che-ko-pak, I thought.

I climbed up to the bed & watched him fondly. I could not resist but petted his face & fiddling at his think brows with my middle finger lightly, it was fun. I saw a light smile from him, likely he was awake but pretending to fall asleep, what a wily fox.

“Hey, wake up la. Don’t pretend okay?”

“Shih…... so noisy, are all questions solved?" Kong said as he put his arm around me, making me close & cozy.

“Yes, all done, I am lucky have you to help tonight.”

“So, any reward?”

“What?”

“You know.”

“What?”

"Maybe I should try to push my luck a little further."

"Just how far do you want to go?" I asked shyly.

"What’s about all the way to your soul?" He raised his two arms & suddenly he clamped me down. I could do nothing to escape his grasp & I surrendered to his compelling strength.

I kept silent. I knew what’s he want, it probably had been 3 months the last time I slept with him in Sea View Hotel. If opportunity was presenting itself, this was probably as good as it was going to get.

“So how, I am lonely & this bed needs a mistress for so long?”

"There is no need for you to be lonely." I finally replied softly, “So, you want to do it?”

‘Ya, if you say yes.”

“But grandma is sleeping next door. Are you sure okay or not?” I was worried that if grandma knew we were doing that thing, then I would feel shameful to face her.

“But darling, I am horny, you know?” He looked so pathetic. As matter of fact, I was horny too.

“Okay la, but we must do this quietly. Where is the magic liquid?” I was actually talking about the KY lubricant.

“Oh ya, it is inside the car. I go & fetch it now.”

“Be quiet & tactical, okay.”

“Yes, madam.” he whispered.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 24: Some Math’s Problem

Kong came back to the room & latched the door. Switching off the ceiling light he came to the desk & on the table lamp. Meanwhile I sat next to the study desk glancing at the floor shyly.

Sitting on the other chair, he held up my shoulder & gazed into my eyes with his smiles & winking. We were bathed in the soft & gentle glow of the table lamp, I climbed over & sat on his laps, with my arms around his neck as his arms over my waist; we locked lips & kissed passionately.

Soft, smooth, warm & alive, we pressed lips against each other, opened our mouths widely as tongue meeting tongue, tentative, exploring & searching. Kissed, kissed & kissed, in-between we fought for little time to grasp for extra oxygen to sustain the long withstanding kisses. As I caressed his hair, he somehow intelligently unzipped my skirt as his hands moved slowly into my butt crack.

“Dear, will you mind to put on some music?” I knew it was about time for him to initiate the next move; I needed the music to conceal any unusual sounds to the next room.

“Yes, darling, I do it now.”

http://iLike.com/s/6qn0

Tonight I celebrate my love for you

It seems the natural thing to do

Tonight no one’s gonna find us

We’ll leave the world behind us

When I make love to you, tonight

…………………………………..

I stood still; I was naked as I was fast to remove all my clothing. Kong came back to me with a broad smile, he started licking on my nipples, to the left, to the right, left, right, left, right ………….. I gave out light moan as my little one was dripping wet. He locked lips with mine as to capture the moaning.

We stood as he continued caressing & squeezing my buttock with the relentless thrusting of his pelvis, oh my, I was high in heaven couldn’t wait for him to take me now.

“Dear, remove your clothing.” I broke the kiss & issued my ultimatum. He was fast to react.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you

And hope that deep inside you’ll feel it too

Tonight our spirits will be climbing

To a sky filled up with diamonds

When I make love to you, tonight

……………………

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Tonight I celebrate my love for you

And that midnight sun is gonna come shinning through

Tonight there’ll be no distance between us

What I want most to do is to get close to you

Tonight

……………………

I threw myself on his bed & buried my face into the pillow. I was filled with turmoil, should I tell him to suck me, just liked the last time?

Kong came up to the bed hurriedly; his erected wewe was rubbing against my pelvis as his hands running busily on my body. We pressed close again, lips against lips, chest against chest, tongue against tongue & his wewe against my little one. I could hear his heavy breathing as my heart was also beating faster & faster, matching in intensity.

He moved his kiss down to my neck, my nipples & my belly button. I wiggled my hip & giggled as his fingers tickled my armpits, "What's the matter?" he asked.

“Ee…, is so itchy.”

“Don’t move.” he turned over with his hands over my smooth buttock as he took my little one into his mouth.

“Arr……………… nice, dear, is very very nice.” I was so afraid that he would stop the sucking as his tongue fondled on the head of my little one, sending wave after wave of shivery sensation, I breathed heavily.

I must reciprocate; I looked down & saw that he was looking at me eagerly. I knew what he want, slowly, teasingly, I ran my tongue over his expanded shaft, tasting his pre-cum, & took the whole red bull head into my mouth. He tensed up, moaned involuntarily & thrusting his torso vehemently. I popped out his wewe to gasp, & took it into my mouth again & again & again ………….. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, what’s a nice sweet lollipop.

We stopped sucking each other & simply laid beside each other, softly kissing my neck, his face, our lips. I felt a warm glow from the pulse of his shaft as it pushed against my tummy.

“Dear, let do it now.”

“But you haven’t come.”

“Don’t worry; I will come. You do it now, hurry.” I turned around, belly down, palms & knees on the bed & lifted up my ass.

With KY, I was profoundly opening myself to him as he pressed very slowly & firmly, resumed his journey deeper & deeper within, intermittently he asked, "Does that hurt?" His wewe buried deep inside me.

“Arr….” It did hurt some, but the KY & his slowness helped a great deal. I felt pain, but also felt pleasure, pleasure at the closeness of our naked bodies & pleasure at the joining of our intimate parts.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

I was touched by the care he was taking. Did it mean that he really cared for me? Or was it just a casual remark in the height of his sexual gratification?

“Just a mild pain, I’m fine.”

"I'll be careful," said Kong.

Beginning to move up & down, I raised my hip & matched him stroke for stroke, at every bottom of his stroke, I clenched & relaxed.

“Do you like the squeezing?” I asked.

“Yes, yes, yes, is very nice.”

Hearing his reply, I clenched harder & asked, “Really?”

“Wows.” He exclaimed.

I gave another clench & relax.

“Wow.” Another clench & relax.

“Wow, my God, is then ……….. shiok.”

I loved to see that he was being aroused, loved his caresses & loved being so close to him. I felt a womanly sense of satisfaction with his ecstatic groans, “Shi…………. Not so loud okay.”

With two hands on my buttock, he was moving faster caused the bed to quaver & dropping of bolster to the floor.

“Dear, play with my nipples.”

As he moved faster in & out, I turned my head & we exchanged kisses, it was an awkward posture but sensational, with his manipulation on my nipples, I was closed to explode. “Dear, I am coming, coming, co…….ming.” I hided my face on his pillow & cried out loud. That was one of the best orgasms that ever had; it was auto, without fondling on my little one.

He came immediately after me as he trembled with great intensity. He collapsed on my back as his throbbing wewe still inside me.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you

And soon this old world will seem brand new

Tonight we will both discover how friends turn into lovers

When I make love to you

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

I was flat belly down with four limbs on the bed & he was on top of me. A minute went by as his wewe was slipping out from my body gradually.

We lay together quietly as he drifted off to sleep, leaving me alone with my thoughts. After these years of aloneness I was now experiencing being with a man and it was a wonderful feeling. Grandma did say that to arrest a man's heart is through his stomach. Perhaps sex would be a straighter path, if I became an expert at sex; he would never want to leave me.

About twenty minutes had passed & I rolled him to my side, “Dear, I need to dress, can’t stay too late, grandma may suspect.”

“Let me hold you for a short while.” He put his leg over my hip & pressed his crotch to mine. We embraced & kissed.

“Dear, I am afraid you have to remove the bed sheet tonight.” Yes, it was indeed wet with my live firing.

“Don’t worry, I will get it fix.”

That was our love life, so impromptu; we did it at Mount Faber, at Sea View Hotel, at Lai Meng, at Changi Airport beach, at East Coast Park under the palm tree, at MacRitchie Reservoir the sitting bench, in the army camp, and now in his house on his bed, wow ………………

I dressed & walked back to Ling’s place to de-drag. Along the way, I felt something strange on the back of my upper leg, wet & fluid, holy shit, it got to be his by-product, eeeeeee….., so embarrassed…... . Fortunately it was already late in the evening.

I walked quickly to Ling’s house & entered the bath room earnestly.

------------------------- End of Chapter 24 ---------------------

Edited June 12, 2010 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 25: Calm Before The Storm

Since day one I stepped onto the campus, long hair, torn out jeans, collar-less T-shirts with holes in, metal chains, leather jackets & slippers were common sights amongst male seniors, typical punk style that most parents would deem indecent, associated with protest against conventional attitudes they might assume.

Very soon I noticed that some new students had also changed into the infamous punk style characterized by unkempt hair, flaunting cigarettes & wearing torn jeans.

Juniors or seniors, most male students at Prince Edward Campus where I studied Mechanical Engineering had gone through the two & a half years national service, perhaps after the rigid military phase; it was now time about being rebellious?

Not exactly true, indifferent to politics, we were frightened with unpredictable consequences. Not rebel by nature, the punk dressing merely wanted to tell people that we wanted to be left alone.

Me too, in order not to be lagged behind, for the last eight months since my run-out-date Ling & I let our hair grew long to a stage touched the nape of our neck. I only went to Aunty Lily salon to have the cut when it started to form dreadlocks. We painstakingly took Aunty Lily instructions on ways in maintaining smooth, silky, strong & healthy hair, fundamentally the instructions were to wash hair few times a week with quality shampoo, the type which would not remove too much natural oil, next was to condition hair every time after shampoo, not on the full hair but instead focus more conditioning on hair ends to avoid split ends. Last & not least, was not to brush wet hair as it caused tugging resulting in hair breakage.

Saying bye-bye to my hair wigs, growing hair longer had its own advantages. Firstly, no need to worry about wig flying off under strong wind. Next, no need to endure the heat & itchiness when wearing a wig for too long, and lastly I was able to style my hair not limiting to the two wigs I owned.

“Sis, people are watching.”

“Can’t be bother, just ignore them.” Ling remained as my closest associate in the campus. He was so daring (it was indeed since primary school days) in the campus that he held my hand openly in the canteen, in the library or any part of the campus as long as we were together; so much so that we were nick-named “the gay couple”.

Ling & I did not defend or attempt to explain our position, although in our mind we did not perceive ourselves as “gay”, whom we saw “gay” as essentially a relationship between two men. Openly we addressed each other as big sister & small sister affectionately; we simply ignored the weird looks projected on us by the fellow campus mates. His classmates Shawn, Dawn & Desmond were not perturbed or took refuge & continued their association with us.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 25: Calm Before The Storm

Since secondary school days, I had this idea of getting one of my ear pierced. My first trial out was in secondary four during the year end school holiday but failed. It took me lot of courage to face up to the salesgirl at a goldsmith in Katong Shopping Centre & done by gun piercing on my left ear. After returning home in the wash room, I removed the ear stud & tried to insert with a toothpick. I struggled for more than half an hour but only managed to get it in less than 2mm depth, apparently the pierced hole had closed. It was painful, I sweated heavily & I gave up eventually.

Well, after five years, I decided after several days of real thinking that I wanted to get not only one but both ears pierced, that was a bold move in the 80s’, not only it was not common for guys, it was a taboo to get done on both ear lobes. I got up the courage to talk to my mom on what I wanted & she said I was crazy. She even warmed me not to do it as it would anger my dad.

I went to talk to Ling & he told me he actually had the same intention. He told me it would be better for me to get manual piercing & he would help me with the toothpick. I was puzzled but I trusted him as he never failed me once.

Sneaking up sheepishly into a dimly lighted goldsmith shop along Changi Road next to Jalan Kembangan facing the 24 hours roti prata shop, luckily there was none in there as I approached an old uncle manning the shop.

“Ah pah (in Hokkien), I want to pierce my ears.”

“Ah tee (in Hokkien) ah, man don’t pierce ear. Did you ask your mom or not?”

“Ah pah, my mom said the Kwan Im goddess wants me to have ears pierced.”

“Like that, okay, if your mom say okay loh.”

“Uncle, my mom said must do two sides, hor.”

“Ai-yo, where got male pierce two sides? Okay la, since your mom want. Are you sure?”

“Sure.” I didn't care, I had waited long enough!

I was asked to sit on the chair next to a wooden desk while waiting for him to get all tools ready. With heart pumping hard; my face went redden as there were people watching from afar at the bus stop.

The old uncle cleansed my ears using spirit. Similar to gun piercing, he marked my left ear with a colour pen, took a gold ear ring which was about 5 cents coin size meant specially for kid ear piercing, opened straight up the sharp end & rubbed it onto a piece of ginger. With one hand holding firmly my ear lobe, his other hand stuck the pointed end through & my ear was pierced. He repeated for my next ear. It was painless & I felt numbness on both ears. I paid up & walked off hurriedly as there were many pairs of eyes watching at my direction. I was given a bottle of after-care solution & was reminded to rotate the rings daily.

I went to Ling’s home & waited for him as he had told me he would take care for the toothpick insert. Meantime, I stared onto the mirror, wow, it looked great, the new tiny gold ear rings were indeed suspended on my ear lobes, and I couldn’t stop looking onto the mirror.

“Larry, it is simple but you need to sacrifice the ear rings.”

“Sis, I don’t understand, but please carry on.”

“Hey, I also got mine pierced today.”

“Really, let me see, let me see.” Wow, it was a pair of sparkling star shape yellow chrome ear stud, so beautiful ………..

He used a nail clipper & cleansed with the lotion given by the goldsmith shop, with one clipping in front & one behind the ear lobe, it was now left only a tiny gold stud on the ear. He repeated for another ear. So simple but how could I not knowing about it? Big sister, I saluted to you.

“Sis, so clever, love you.”

“You must be careful when you sleep or take shower, make sure the towel doesn’t entangle with the sharp edge of the metal.”

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 25: Calm Before The Storm

Here I am writing about the ultimate ending of relationship between me & my dad, whenever I thought of this, it would lead me in a state of depression.

As evident, for example, by keeping my hair long & secretly having my ears pierced, a most unusual gesture in the 80’s, I had emerged from the expected role in my very conservative society, yet there are no signs of an immature defiance or rebelliousness. I continued to go for my lessons & also to take the necessity avoidance in particular to my dad till one day I was confronted by him. Throughout the whole argument, mom was just keeping quite without mincing a single word to defuse the hostile situation.

“Why are you keeping the hairs so long?”

“It is in fashion now.”

“Nonsense! Don’t bluff, okay. I don’t see any one in the market place keeping hairs long like you.”

“That not my concern.”

“But I am concern, you are my son, understand?”

“So what, since when you have treated me as your son?”

“Your entire clothing, food & school fee are all from me.”

“Are you sure? Who paid for my university fee? Do you know how much it cost? It is $1500, only for the first year.”

“You never ask from me.”

“Why should I ask? Remember you did say that your duty as father ended when I completed my JC 2?”

“Yeah, all children in the market at your age are already earning & bringing home money.”

“They are them, not me okay. I am doing the university & I will not want to end up just like you.”

“…………………..”

“…………………..”

“…………………..”

“…………………..”

Lot of screaming was there sending shivers down my spine. The pain was something I’d never imagined. It was like someone was burning, pricking me, every inch. I saw nothing but pitch black, black as a black hole. Every word came out from him was burning flames. It was unyielding & I could not endure it much longer.

“So I am keeping my hairs long to be an ah-kua to sell backside & earn my money, you get it clear.” After more blood-curling screams escaped my defenseless mouth, as the last straw, I shouted out loud just to hurt him as I was getting very emotional.

“What fcxxking ah-kua you are talking about? You get out of my house. You are no longer my son.” he ordered, his face trembled with rage.

“What, you want to kick me out?” I furrowed my eyebrows in bewilderment, where was he getting at? He’s obviously lost his mind.

“You heard me. Get out.”

“Okay…” I answered, pushing him away just enough to leave a gap between us, “Don’t worry, I will pack & leave immediately. You better get another son to send you off on your final day.”

Entering my room, looking around in the dim, I wiped the tears from my face, “What the heck just happened?” I was in a daze until I noticed the family picture frame on the desk. I narrowed my eyes as I drew my feet closer toward the photo. I screamed quietly to myself, what was going on, “You get out of my house.” his words played continuously in my head, liked the swing of the pendulum.

Sitting frozen & expressionless, I held the family picture in my hand. My fingers slowly brushed against the glass, mom, younger sister, myself & him. Turning around, I dumped it onto the waste bin, bye; this family was not for me, my blood boiled & my teeth gritted.

After packing my stuff, I put on a skirt, wore the lipstick, combed up my hairs & put on the ear rings to show them prominently. I said good-bye to mom, she was stunned & dumbfound.

I heard a loud door slamming behind me the moment I stepped out of the house. Officially I announced to them my real identity, but in a very unfashionable way.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......

Edited June 27, 2010 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 25: Calm Before The Storm

With a backpack & a small carrying case, I walked to the nearby children play ground & sat on the wooden bench; the place was quiet as it was around 9 o’clock in the evening.

I felt so confused, so scared & so lost. I could not help as tears kept coming down on my face. I hit my head continuously as I did not know why I flew into a rage of anger resulting in offending my dad. Anger in the sense that I got zero financial support from him on my varsity course, anger in the sense that he wanted to restrict my freedom in keeping long hair, anger in the sense that he wanted me to support the family immediately forfeiting my further study, so on & so forth….

I remembered clearly since young that anyone came to our house asking for charity, he was certain to get nothing. It had always been the case, whoever on flag-day visited my house would return empty-handed, and the one person responsible for this state of affairs was my dad.

My grandma had a very special love for me; she was the one that free me for any financial worry. I had great affection for my grandmother probably because she had lost her husband, my grandpa when dad was barely ten. Whenever I wanted to unload any burden off my mind, whenever I felt like crying over someone's shoulder, it was always my grandmother. It was into her lap that I buried my face & remained motionless. It was only few minutes when I felt greatly lighter & off the burden.

After my grandma's death, I chose to stay close with Ling & Aunty Lily till I met Kong.

Yes, I would want to break this relationship one day but not now, it was way too early as I had three more years to go before I could be financially independent. But he forced me to the brink & made me feel that I had no choice. He was cold blooded, but I need not to be so sarcastic & passed the remark of selling backside as an ah-kua to agitate him.

After over half an hour of cooling down, I picked up the stuff & walked slowly towards Aunty Lily home.

“Where had you been? We were waiting for you.” She stood up from the sofa as she was watching a television program.

“Aunty Lilly, I ……………” I clung on her & wiped.

“My poor girl, don’t cry. Your mom spoke to me over the phone, so don’t worry, you stay at my place & see how thing going, okay?”

“Mom had called you?”

“Yes, my dear. She is equally concerned about you. After all you were in her womb for over ten months, right?”

“But she never shows her affection & I …………..”

“Okay la, do say no more. By the way, this is five hundred dollars your mom asks you to use diligently. Now go & clean your face as Ling is waiting in the room. I need to phone your mom now.”

------------------------- End of Chapter 25 ---------------------

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 26: Customizing My Transition

Saturday evening, the week immediately after the broke off from my dad, I met Kong up for a late supper in East Coast Hawker Centre, after that we walked to & sat at the breakwater nearby.

“Hi, you were so quite for the whole evening, anything bothering you?” Kong asked.

“Dear, I have something to tell you.”

“Yes, I am listening.”

“I am not staying with my parents any more.”

“What had happened?”

“I had a big quarrel with my dad & he chased me out of the house.”

“Why?”

“It was about my long hair.”

“So you are staying at Ling’s place? Why don’t you move in with me?”

“You are talking about cohabitation, how can I do that? Your grandma will think that I am a loose woman.”

“Oh, sorry I did not consider that, please pardon me.”

“Will you want to marry me?”

“I don’t think this is feasible in Singapore.”

“What happen if I go for sex change? I am asking a serious question now, so please think carefully.”

“You don’t have to do this just for the sake of me. The sex change is a complicated & risky operation.”

“You are not answering me, the core question is do you really love me & want to marry me?”

“Of course I love you; I can’t wait to see you every minute every second.” he continued, “But you still a student; financially this could be a problem.”

“Silly, I am not talking about having operation tomorrow, which will be probably earliest three years down the road upon my graduation. What I need is your commitment as I plan to take the first step.”

“You are talking about ……………”

“I am talking about female hormone injection.”

“Wow, will it be costly?”

“It will cost about twenty dollars weekly for two jabs & another sixty dollars on the pill monthly, overall it will be $140 monthly”

“Let me foot these expenses. Yes, I am serious; I can’t let you suffer any financial difficulty.”

“Thanks a lot. I really deeply appreciate.”

“Tell you what, I will get you a supplementary credit card, you can change whatever expenses to the card, not limit just on the hormone, okay.”

“Wow, you are so confident that I will not use out all your money.”

“Ultimately you are going to be my wife, so why shall I have no trust on you. I know you will not misuse the card.”

“Dear, I love you so much.”

“Oh, don’t say that, you are doing all this just for me. Let me be a participant at least financially, okay.”

“Hey, do you notice I am wearing ear rings?”

“Wow, really, let me see, let me see.” He raised my hairs to the side, my face was reddened. “Oh, dear, when had you pierced your ears? How can I did not take notice of this?”

“Just about seven weeks ago. Do you like it?”

“Yes, it really matches your face.” He slowly lipped kissing my ear lobe as his hand went under my skirt...................

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 26: Customizing My Transition

On June 05th 2010 Chapter 23, I wrote: During the month break, I spent many afternoons in National Library searching for information leading to actualization of my dream, to get marry & be his wife legally recognized. A milestone chart was drafted; ……

I further wrote about: study studiously…., came with purposes, with ultimate objective of breaking away from my family, to get graduated, have a good job, financially independent, and ultimately striding to realize & officiate the relationship in-between me & Kong.

But the whole scenario had now changed, lying low to my family to get shelter & financial support did not valid any more; instead I needed to give tuitions to supplement my living expenses & course fee.

This evening, I got Kong’s commitment of marrying me, and with his financial support as a bonus, I probably able to initiate my plan earlier. Nevertheless, I would not rush into living full-time, but to have more preparation on my new role mentally, physically & financially, I wanted to have a smooth transition so that to be accepted as female by others.

My transition would take at least three more years till my graduation before going full-time. Per research, I sought to finish as many physical things as possible during this period. I am a perfectionist; my eventual physical outlook must be perfect on level of acceptance by public.

Transition was very expensive, fifty thousands grams was a rough figure. Though with Kong’s financial support, I should only use it minimally. The physical stuff would be:

1. Body Hair removal, although I had sparse body hair, I planned to go for the time-consuming, painful & expensive electrolysis permanent hair removal, a method involves inserting a fine needle into hair follicle & applying an electrical current to burn the hair root preventing it from producing new hair. Each hair follicle must be treated individually & may take several treatments to destroy the follicle. Each treatment is limited up to 50 follies.

2. Voice: Few people have decent female voices & it's such a dead giveaway failing to blend in as female when speaking. Voice practice is time-consuming & requires a serious commitment over about 6 months; I planned to work with a voice therapist for adequate results.

3. Hair: Well, I intended to keep my hair long up to shoulder level, following Aunty Lily’s method of hair caring.

4. Hormones: First subject to start, that I would have better skin, redistribution of body fat (rounded backside), softening of facial features & reduction of body hair ultimately. But I got to watch emotional changes, according to research.

5. Facial feminization surgery (FFS): although my face didn’t look muscular, I would want to consult cosmetic surgeon primarily on nose, lips, double eye lids & cheek bones, to allow me to blend in as female, but not over doing & looked plastic. The procedures could be expensive, but having a female face would make a major difference in the quality of life. It will improve many aspects, from walking down the street without getting clocked, to employment & in social gathering. I felt face surgery was the most important investment of transition.

6. Therapy: Going back to the therapist during JC’s time, it would help me to prepare for the realities of transition, and how to handle unpleasant events which might affect my self-esteem as I transited. Anyway a therapist's letter was necessary ultimately.

Concerning other physical outlook such as long painted nails, makeup & lady clothing, it shouldn't be done until I went full-time. Though I had already got my ears pierced, I would wear only ear studs. I was no sure how people in the university accepting of me if I went too feminine. It would be risky too in using the ladies & I was not ready to face the consequences.

I wished everything above could be materialized before I went for full-time, leaving the rest to complete when I went full-time,

Vaginoplasty & Labiaplasty: to get done after getting therapist's letters, locally by Professor Nathan or head to Thailand.

Breast augmentation: the size to be determined upon the result of hormonal development.

Choosing a name: means white, fair & smooth, I quite liked the word Jennifer & decided to keep it. I needed to find a Chinese name to match it. Anyway I got three to four years to ponder.

Legal issues: getting my legal name & sexual status changes on identity card, certificates, degree & etc.

Coming out to family and friends: coming out was no longer an issue to my family. Beside Aunty Lily & Ling, I did not intend to enlarge my circle of friends to avoid such hassle.

Employment: hopefully I was able to start with clean slate after all legal records had been changed, that I didn't have to deal with all of that in interviewing. But what were the engineering works that suit a female? I had no answer for the moment.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......

Edited July 3, 2010 by Larry

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 26: Customizing My Transition

As I prepared towards the first year end examination, Ling & I were dressed unisex in vest & jean with our long hairs in the campus. I planned to adhere to the rough plan, the key was to keep study hard in order to find a good job eventually, I would wait until graduation & before starting work to go full-time. By the time I came out at work, I would have lesser problems being accepted as female. I could be interviewed in female mode without TS as an issue.

Everyone is bound to have some memorable days in his / her life. Me too, besides my & Kong birthdays, July 23rd 1984 Monday was another milestone day registered on my life, the day Vanessa Lynn Williams, the first Miss American surrendered her crown after her nude photos appeared in “Penthouse” magazine; it was also the day of which I went for my first hormone injection.

I found the where-to information on hormone injection through my personal search in the NUS medical library at Kent Ridge Campus. As Ling was on his third year industrial attachment, I went solo to the clinic located at Peninsular Plaza.

Unlike nowadays pre-requisite check imposed on hormone administration to potential transsexuals, there was neither blood test (for HIV purpose as required by the health ministry) nor fitness assessment conducted. I was red faced throughout the whole process from the moment I spoke to the registration staff on hormone jab request.

During the first meeting at the clinic with the male doctor, I suffered certain degree of humiliation when he fiddled with my pierced ears, had me drop my pant, whereupon flipping on my private part & poked his gloved finger into my butt. I was not sure such were the necessity but somehow bit my lips enduring the humiliation till he gave me the initial shots of female hormones. I paid off after receiving the hormone pills & walked off the clinic hurriedly. I felt giddiness after the shots & was having cold sweat while taking the lift down. Such was the unpleasant encounter during the first visit, but I was prepared to go through this for the sake of the future togetherness with Kong.

I switched doctor after two visits. The new one was at Towner Road a female doctor who was more friendly & understanding. She told me the giddiness that I suffered was probably due to the initial high dosage administrated into my body & I would get use to this when my body tuning towards the influx of female hormones.

Aside from the satisfaction of having started on the hormone jabs leading me towards the womanhood, that might relief me on some of my anxiety, I felt as usual with the hard-on during the love makings with Kong.

------------------------- End of Chapter 26 ---------------------

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 27: The Last Waltz

“Darling, can you keep yourself available last Saturday of next month?” Friddling my little fingers, Kong asked me softly while we sat on the breakwater after our supper.

“May I know for what’s reason?”

“Oh, that evening the new brigade will be organizing a dinner & dance to inaugurate its formation. As battalion second-in-command, my attendance is mandatory.”

“Who will be the attendee, any persons I know of?”

“Well, senior staff from the defence ministry & brigade HQ, plus all regular service personnel from Tuas camp.”

“So you mean our commander, the senior MO Patrick, “babu” Singh, chief clerk, RQ & etc will be present?”

“Yes, most of them will be there.”

“I don’t think is a good idea for me to attend, socializing with those senior officials is not my cup of tea. Moreover, I am afraid some may recognize me. Just go alone, okay.”

“I can’t, you know as a senior officer, I must bring along a lady partner. I hope you can come along.”

“What? Come as your female partner? You must be kidding.”

“No, I am serious, please….”

“Oh, don’t worry, if I dare to invite you that mean you look real convincing.” I saw that he spoke with determination & confident.

“But ……………”

“Please, I really want you to come. You surely don’t wish to see me go with another lady, right?”

“But ……………, I am worry that I may bring you embarrassment.”

“Please…... have faith on yourself, okay,” he paused for continuation, “listen, I will introduce you as Lt. Larry’s twin sister, just in case.”

“You sure this will work?”

“Yes, I swear. So….”

“Okay la, but ……………” Seeing his repeated pleading, I relented & agreed. Yes, I would be hell lot of jealous if he go with another lady.

“Are there any other concerns?”

“I may embarrass you on my lack on social etiquette, table manner, dancing & etc.”

“Okay, may be I can help to look up for short course on these. I remember during my cadet passing out time, we did attend such course conducted externally. Let me look around for you,” he paused, “meantime, go & tailor for a nice dress, use the credit card that I give you. I want you to be the most beautiful woman for that evening.” Men were men, all wanted face & showed off, but I did feel satisfy that he took pride of me.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......

[Larry]

A. My First Love - Kong

Chapter 27: The Last Waltz

The timing of dinner & dance fall neatly on the three months’ vacation of my first semester year. Not only I had no lesson or tutorial to worry about, it allowed me to have time to prepare myself, Rummaged through the femle mgazines collected from Aunty Lily saloon, I started to realize that it would not be that easy & simple to be a cultured fine lady. I would have to dissociate with my entire life experience up to the present moment & undergo a complete re-education of every facet of my life.

“I did not reveal your sexual identity, I am not sure you want to tell the instructress or not.”

Three days later, Kong informed me a three weeks crash course was arranged commencing Monday to Friday from 430 pm to 6 pm. It was facilitated by his army mate, & the instructress Amy xx was his sister-in-law, a renowned owner of a modeling & social deportment agency during the 70s’ & 80s’, she was also one of the regular social etiquette teachers for all graduating officer cadets (sorry, my instructor was a guy during my time) . It was one to one conducted at her private home along Newton Road, I did not ask about the fee as it was pre-paid by him but I guessed it might not be cheap.

Anyway, to start off my training with proper footage, I went there lady dressed & took public transport to build up my confident. I was glad that no one paid notice on me in the bus. Upon arrival at the instructress place, I was impressed that it was a three storey bungalow with the ground floor solely catered for her modeling & deportment classes as family members were not allowed to be loitering around in that vicinity. It was indeed truly professional.

Her opening speech to me was equally impressive, “…………… Remember that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of your hand, and the swinging of your hip elegantly, are the seductive parts of a lady’s dancing. ………. I will also teach you to present yourself, to sit, stand & walk gracefully; all of which are of real importance to a modern lady. …………….”

Amy was knowledgeable but strict in her training. One of her lesson that I still practice these days is the “one-third rule”. It is about allowing only one third of the foot rest on every step while climbing up the stairs, it was tough to comply but with her insistence & numerous up & down stair practices at her place during the lesson, I managed to achieve.

Some of her valuable pointers that would be my personal mementoes for life:

1. Choice of attire: A woman with sense & taste, is not in a hurry to follow the fashions, but asks how long they will last before buying. Importantly selects & modifies according to individual size & figure.

2. Refusing to dance: A lady cannot refuse the dance invitation of a gentleman, unless she has already accepted that of another, for she would be guilty of an incivility; she would also seem disrespectful to the person she refused.

3. Giving a reason for not dancing: No matter how frivolous it may be, it is an act of courtesy to offer him a reason.

4. Talking too much: Ladies should avoid talking loud & too much. It is also bad to whisper continually in the ear of your partner.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

to be continued.......