worldangel Posted October 19, 2017 Report Share Posted October 19, 2017 Joke: A brunette who really hated blondes ... A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp, the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So, the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. 'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. 'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.' The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie. 'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 19, 2017 Report Share Posted October 19, 2017 Joke: An elderly couple had dinner a... An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 19, 2017 Report Share Posted October 19, 2017 Joke: One afternoon a man came home ... One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!! He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel. She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes", he replied reluctantly. She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 19, 2017 Report Share Posted October 19, 2017 Joke: A businessman dragged himself ... A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 19, 2017 Report Share Posted October 19, 2017 Joke: Harley Mechanic & Heart Surgeon A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage. "Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its' heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic..... "Try doing it with the engine running." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Taylor was desperate for business... Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.' After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Pee in the pool.... Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," insisted Little Johnny. "That may be," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: The Umbrella A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Homework Help Parents are expected to participate in their children’s education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, John, whenever he’s stumped. One day after school, John ran into the house waving a paper in the air. “Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework, he announced. “You made one, Dad made one and I made one!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Shit hits the fan A man walks into a bar. "Gimme a double, before the shit hits the fan." A few minutes later, same thing. "Gimme a beer before the shit hits the fan." This goes on for an hour or so. Finally the Bartender goes up to him and says, "Listen buddy, maybe you should pay before you get another drink." "Oops, the shit just hit the fan." He replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: A man walks into a railway station ... A man walks into a railway station. He walks up to the ticket window and says "(sniff) Fird clad redurn to Nodingham pleade (sniff)". The ticket bloke says "You know what you need.. you need Tunes". "Why" says the man... "Will id cure Cereble Palsdsy"? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: A funeral service is being held... A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: "Say," began Lucille... "Say," began Lucille one day over lunch, "didn't you go out with that guy who played the French horn?" "Yeah," said Diane, stirring her iced tea. "You were really looking forward to it, I remember. How'd it go?" Lucille leaned forward eagerly. "Actually he was a pretty nice guy," volunteered Diane reluctantly. "But there was one real problem..." "Oh, really?" "Every time he kissed me, he wanted to shove his fist up my ass." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: While sports fishing off the coast .. While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said. "Wow," said the tourist. The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Wedding Preparation Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemists. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The chemist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: “We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” Chemist: “Of course we do.” Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?” Chemist: “Definitely.” Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?” Chemist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.” Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?” Chemist: “Absolutely.” Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?” Chemist: “We sure do.” Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?” Chemist: “All speeds and sizes.” Jacob: “In that case, we'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Sitting at the bar, sad Rob to... Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. “Yeah,” said Rob, “would you marry someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?” “ No way in hell” said the bartender. “Well, said Rob, “neither would my fiancée.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Marine Biology Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it on the nose as hard as possible." "If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: What kind of car was he driving? A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?”, the husband asked.“I don’t know, she said. “I never can tell one car from another.”At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make. It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. “Darling, she said. “I hit a Buick!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: A hunter kills a deer and brings it ... A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?" "You'll see", he replies. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating. "Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me." His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole ... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: The seven dwarfs went off to work ... The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch. However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs. Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me". A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: " Australia will win the Rugby World Cup" "Thank goodness" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: An 85-year-old widow went on a... An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: Baldness... Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: A man gets captured by cannibals... A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Joke: What’s this daily charge for ‘... What’s this daily charge for ‘fruit’? The hotel guess asked the manager. “We didn’t eat any.” “But the fruit was place in your room every day. It isn’t our fault you didn’t take advantage of it.” “I see,” said the man as he subtracted $150.00 from the bill” “What are you doing”? Sputtered the manager. “I’m subtracting 50 dollars a day for your kissing my wife.” “What? I didn’t kiss your wife.” “Ah,” replied the man, “but she was there.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: Harry had a bit of a drinking ... Harry had a bit of a drinking problem. Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole, spent the entire evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his returned drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, talked to a friend about her husband's behavior. The friend listened to her and then asked, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. Around midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard Harry at the door and let him in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: A little boy came home with his... A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about. He told his mother "Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can't stop thinking about him. She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him. The mother couldn't understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her. To the woman’s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, “I know what Jeffrey’s' talking about! We learned the hymn 'Gladly The Cross I'd Bear'". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: Two couples went on a vacation... Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine and fairly predictable, don't you ever get tired of your wife?" "I know exactly what you mean, I wonder if our wives will consent to swapping." Much to their amazement the women consented to the arrangement. Early the next morning the husbands compared notes. "How was it?" "Wonderful, I haven't had this much fun in ages!" "Me, too. Now let's go see how the ladies made out." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: Fishing A man and his grandson are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The man takes out a cigarette and lights it. His grandson says, "Grandpa, Can I try some of your cigarette?" "Can you touch your asshole with your Johnson ?" he says. "No," says the little boy. 'Then you're not big enough." A few more minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it. The little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?" "Can you touch your asshole with your Johnson ?", he says. "No," says the little boy. "Then you're not old enough." Time passes and they continue to fish. The little boy gets hungry and the reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies and eats one. The grandfather looks at him and says, "Hey they look good. Can I have one of your cookies?" "Can you touch your asshole with your Johnson?" says the little boy. "I most certainly can!" says the grandfather. "Then go fxxkyourself," says the boy, "These are my cookies!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: A dentist was getting ready to... A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!" shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: Two guys were fishing down by ... Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the riverbank at night. Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to guy number one "How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught a single one?" Guy number one replied, " I don’t know.... why don’t ya come on over here?" "I don’t know.... I don’t see a bridge, and their ain’t no boat, and I don’t swim to well" Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, " Why don’t you walk across this here beam off light?" Guy number two was outraged and replied "do you think am stupid? When I get half way, you'll turn it off!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: A Blonde Bet A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend" The blonde said "No! A bet's a bet". So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money" The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border... A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, 'What's in the bags?' The fellow says, 'Sand!' The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects... only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border. Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated... 'What have you there?' 'Sand' 'We want to examine.' Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again. Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, 'Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won't say anything - what were you smuggling?' The fellow says, 'Bicycles. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: There were two blondes, and they ... There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store. The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stopped to rest for a second. When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: From a passenger ship one can ... From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: Old Goat The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: A sweet little boy surprised his ... A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: TWO tigers are walking through... TWO tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: "Hey, cut it out." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other's backside again. The front tiger gets angry, but the other tiger just apologises. After another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says: "What is it with you? I told you to stop." The other tiger says: "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: At the airport for a business ... At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Joke: The End Of The Ham A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her, ”Why did you cut off the end of the ham”? And she replied ,”I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.”Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, “I really don’t know, but that’s the way my mom always did it.”A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, “Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?”Her grandmother replied, “Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: Assertiveness A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" "The funeral director," said his wife. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: Mad men are given a test to check ... Mad men are given a test to check their mental state. The instructor draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out. They start rushing to the door but one remains sitting. The instructor goes to him and asks; “why didn’t you join the others?” He replies, "let them fight they forgot I have the keys" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: On the first day of school ... On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: A trip to the movies... For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: Rednecks Flying Home Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind." One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year. Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: Animal Orgasms A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?" She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Why don't you prove it." He frowns for a moment, then says, "Okay." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can you tell?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: Once upon a time there was a non-confirming ... Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings! Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.The Moral of the Story:Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend. And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: A woman is walking on the road... A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?" Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: A man walks into a bar and say... A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here -- you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 Joke: Blonde Dials 911 A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes." Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again. "Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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