I Feel so Lonely; am I the only gay person who feels Lonely / Sad / Miserable / Less Attractive? (Compiled)

[orca888]

But unlike Mr Whale , I am that type that want it all or nothing at all.

Well, Mr Whale is sick in the head probably...hahah

But you think he doesn't want it all? How to want it all when the other guy is straight?

Jokes aside, somethings can't be rushed...

Back to the topic...

I think there are other ways of making ourselves more attractive as we age...

Build up your charisma, improve on your personality and of course, maintaining a reasonably good physique will help

Anyway, why is a 22-year old whining now? Leave it to the old fogeys like me

[Guest Guest]

I have been cheated by married men, promiscuous men and flirtatious men, and everytime I thought of my past I feel like I am just wasting my time going thru the process again and again.

dun mind i be blunt, so they say they love u at first, then f*ck u and then just leave u?

get over it, at least u have ur fair share of fun.

if u are going to approach life with pessimism, then trust me, u will be depressed at every single small negative thing.

[stylishvicky]

dun mind i be blunt, so they say they love u at first, then f*ck u and then just leave u?

get over it, at least u have ur fair share of fun.

if u are going to approach life with pessimism, then trust me, u will be depressed at every single small negative thing.

No its the other way round - after I realized them having sex n flirt around I left them de. N its not fun at all. Imagine having to sift through the emails for potential ones to arrange for meetups. Good ones meet for 3-4 weeks and see how. Not compatible ones meet for 1 dinner.

N I am not being negative :yuk:

[frederickgam]

Has anyone considered using botox or any cosmetic surgery? Which do you prefer when you grow old: plastic face or a natural face?

i look in the mirror every morning thinking : botox or fillers ?

i dont mind a little extra help from the doctor.

ive tried eye gels , anti wrinkle creams etc. but once you stop using them, the wrinkles are back.

*SIGHhhhhhhh.......*

[Guest Julie Tan 陈欣淇]

dun mind i be blunt, so they say they love u at first, then f*ck u and then just leave u?

get over it, at least u have ur fair share of fun.

if u are going to approach life with pessimism, then trust me, u will be depressed at every single small negative thing.

[Guest Hurt Uncle]

Poststylishvicky, on 22 April 2012 - 01:05 AM, said:I have been cheated by married men, promiscuous men and flirtatious men, and everytime I thought of my past I feel like I am just wasting my time going thru the process again and again.

It is always assumed that the younger ones are innocent and taken advantage of by buaya uncles. I agree it is mostly true.But it also happens the other way round too. I am a married and closeted uncle afraid of exposure, being taken advantage of by a buaya young guy. Being closeted, I don't play around. He played around and refused to commit. I was his love fool and he was so proud to have "eaten" me.

[justme3212]

Relax, when it shoudl come, it will come..... 欲速则不达。

[Guest Guest]

Has anyone considered using botox or any cosmetic surgery? Which do you prefer when you grow old: plastic face or a natural face?

Unless you met an accident, there is no need to do plastic surgery!

Vain people will slap their face with creams but true people will outshine others by showing their character, a heart of gold makes you look better than a pristine flawless face which will rot when we reach six feet under!

[orca888]

Unless you met an accident, there is no need to do plastic surgery!

Vain people will slap their face with creams but true people will outshine others by showing their character, a heart of gold makes you look better than a pristine flawless face which will rot when we reach six feet under!

Ideally yes but realistic? Nah - how many people would give us the chance to show off our character and our supposedly heart of gold?

Then again, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder - what looks good to you may not look good to another...hahah

[gstc82]

The person who started this is damn LAME.

[Exynos]

I'm not old.. but i'm unattractive.

[Guest Guest]

I'm not old.. but i'm unattractive.

[Phil]

I'm not old.. but i'm unattractive.

Fishing for compliments?

[Exynos]

Fishing for compliments?

hahaha no la. just telling the truth. i don't get random messages by strangers on facebook,, no one says i'm cute (not like i really need them to; i prefer aunties taking up that job), and no one replies to my messages XD

[Phil]

hahaha no la. just telling the truth. i don't get random messages by strangers on facebook,, no one says i'm cute (not like i really need them to; i prefer aunties taking up that job), and no one replies to my messages XD

OK, you are cute!

But, in accordance with what you wrote in your profile, I have a bf, and I don't look elsewhere.

[GachiMuchi]

I am not any less attractive as I age. In fact, I got better as I age. It just takes a little effort.

Honestly speaking, there is no such things as an unattractive man, but a lazy man is another thing altogether.

It's all about knowing who you are, how you package yourself and know your own limits.

[Guest MammaMia]

I am not any less attractive as I age. In fact, I got better as I age. It just takes a little effort.

Honestly speaking, there is no such things as an unattractive man, but a lazy man is another thing altogether.

It's all about knowing who you are, how you package yourself and know your own limits.

Do you shave off all your body hair? Become all smooth and clean-cut (including groin area)

[Guest 2012]

I concur that men can look better with age. At nearly 40, I in fact get more compliments on how I look. No longer the nerdy and clueless person that I was when I am younger. I also agree with GM that there is only lazy man. It is really. It as hard for men to look younger than our actual age I think.

[orca888]

I concur that men can look better with age. At nearly 40, I in fact get more compliments on how I look. No longer the nerdy and clueless person that I was when I am younger. I also agree with GM that there is only lazy man. It is really. It as hard for men to look younger than our actual age I think.

I do look younger than my actual age - some of us have what they call "boyish" face...hahah

Yes, it's a problem sometimes at work - some people question my seniority and thought I am some young punk who's still wet behind the ears...sigh

[Guest Guest]

good read for those who are going thru what the TS is feeling.

p/s: more for those 30s and 40s or at least late 20s. not those boi boi yet to serve NS / in NS / in uni who complain abt having no bf.

[stylishvicky]

I want bf not sex T.T

[Guest Headed]

If you need someone to talk to, a person who is non-judgemental and non-religious, Google the different NGO hotlines in Singapore. They are trained to handle this kind of emotional problem.

Sometimes, you just need to get it out of your chest and someone who listens.

[Someguy]

Sometime feel lonely sure is normal. Just how u going to spend the lonely time. Get more hobby which can do it alone. Fully enjoy alone time. Then lonely wont be so worse. That what i think.

Edited May 1, 2012 by Someguy

[topLTR_93]

Im not even 19. (coming July). And I feel what the TS feels. Its those long sleepless nights, when you roll around your bed trying to go to sleep (and not feeling the urge to touch your little brother) that you start to think depressing thoughts. And nothing depresses me more than loneliness.

Can you imagine being 60 -70 plus years old (with your loved ones passed on) with nobody around you except cats and dogs? You sitting alone in that rocking chair keeping silent most of the time? And in the unfortunate case that you are ill... who is going to take care of you? The occasional social workers who is going to feel quick pity (but I salute them nevertheless)? It isnt pessimism. It is called realism. Are you going to be featured in TheNewPaper for "Decomposing Corpse of Old Man discovered"?

You can go marry a genetic woman, have kids (adopt if pussies and tits turn you off) and have the normal life. But will you be happy? Do you want to spend your entire life mopping and crusing around while hiding a terrible secret?

Speaking of attractiveness. Im not even attractive to begin with. Snubbed nose. White. And i go on a furious calorie-counting regime to make sure that im not fat. Bespectacled. And I lowered my expectations for my other half alot. And still got rejected. My criteria -> Three words: Homely, Caring, Faithful. I dont go on hopeless pursuits of toned, lean muscular jocks.

So the bottom line is:

1) Pls dont attack the TS. He has valid points. The gay circle is a cruel cruel circle - and there is no such thing as I quit because it is a part of me (that you are never gonna ever take away from meeee ~ sorry just had to do that ). This is even though im still a virgin in my ass and i believe in surrendering it to my happily ever after. Im just traditional.

2) Its never too young to start thinking about such things. Time is never on our side. It flies. My JC batchmates - 60% are attached #foreveralone

3) This is an appeal. Please. Go look at yourself in the mirror before you decide to chase that hot bod. Chances are hes a player. You think he will notice you? Dont neglect people like us. ... those categorized under "Average" or "NURGHHH"

[Guest gguuest]

Not easy to find solutions for loneliness. Some of us may have hobbies, faith, people around us, but yet feel lonely. maybe due to the mind and expectations. sometimes, may be because though we got things to do and got people around us, but certain things we can't share and discuss with the people, so we feel frustrated and lonely. making aj friends is not that easy. A great number of aj judge on looks, interested in sex and that's it. to be approachable and able to be talked to non-judgementally is a real virtue for human beings. Not to mention, a great number of aj guys are really atas, cocky. We should help one another instead.

[Guest Guest]

This thread title should be changed to "Feeling Itching"

[GachiMuchi]

Similar posting have been merged to prevent duplicate.

[hung]

Why do most gay men feel lonely & disconnected?

[hung]

and use random sex as a way to find love and feel connected

[sgboxers]

First of all, try using the edit function. =p

As for lonely gay men? I think it's self imposed. You can be single and still lead a fruitful life, such as meet up with friends whom u have not met in ages, volunteer for the cause that you believe in, engage yourself with the community, join a class, etc

I used to feel the same way when I was younger, using sex as a mean to find love or connection with another human being. I wouldn't judge and wouldn't say that its wrong, neither I agree it is right. However, I'm mellowed over the years and also am single right now. And in my current phase of life, I don't see the need to look for random sex/fun for that purpose.

You should try to stop putting emphasis on the negative statement, and think of how you can get out of loneliness or the notation of random sex to find connection. Best of luck. =)

[Guest Glyph]

Not sure if OP is talking about himself, or just speaking for gay men in general.

On a personal note, I concur with sgboxers.

[WightTonguehlk]

Omg is OP talking about me ?D:

[boybelow]

Hi OP, it always boils down to the choices you make. You can choose whether to become a miserable, lonely gay man or a happy, jovial gay man. Life is about choices.

[Keough-Kenrik]

The feeling of being lonely and "disconnected" is overrated. lol.

Think about about us AJs as mutants from the X-Men or something and some of us are struggling to find people who we can have our comfort zone with.

Some of us gotta stay discreet and hide, some of us open up and get judged... lol. It's a fun life. lol.

About the using "sex" as means to find love... errr.... lol... I think the concept is retarded. LOL.

Sore more, Most of the younger AJ relationships tend to start off to be born from lust/physical attraction or because "I really need someone to be with" right now.

lol... Seriously, do you even think Long-term wise with people you've known for what??? 2 months? 1 week? 3 days???

(This is based of experience. And I am guilty of it. LOL)

[Mareshka]

First of all, try using the edit function. =p

As for lonely gay men? I think it's self imposed. You can be single and still lead a fruitful life, such as meet up with friends whom u have not met in ages, volunteer for the cause that you believe in, engage yourself with the community, join a class, etc

I used to feel the same way when I was younger, using sex as a mean to find love or connection with another human being. I wouldn't judge and wouldn't say that its wrong, neither I agree it is right. However, I'm mellowed over the years and also am single right now. And in my current phase of life, I don't see the need to look for random sex/fun for that purpose.

You should try to stop putting emphasis on the negative statement, and think of how you can get out of loneliness or the notation of random sex to find connection. Best of luck. =)

I so agree with you

[XiaoMessy]

Why do most gay men feel lonely & disconnected?

Everyone feels that. It's your insecurity.

[radialhead]

I was reading the thread titles and I saw this one. I told myself bulleye! I think gay men are more prone to loneliness since our sexual orientation is not that openly accepted in the society. Mix that with need for love, sex and affirmation that we don't get as much as we liked to.

On the other hand, I believe loneliness is a type of behavior and all behavior can be controlled. If you will yourself to be lonely, you can 'unwill' it. Dozens of suggestions have been mentioned. Try one and begin feeling good with yourself again.

[derryfawne]

Just a guess...

Because most of us have been lonely for so long when we were still locked up in the closet?

[Marineboy]

I know at least one married colleague with kids...when we were together talking kok with others...

he ask me to join him go Geylang find china meimeis...a wife that leads her own life...kids that dont want parents around...etc

I said you want go geylang when you have a wife...might as well stay single like me keke

Since i really dont like to hang around with the likes of him...i did not invite him to join my other kakis as i felt he would not blend with my other str8 frens

I feel sad for him but certainly not going to be nice for the sake of it and upset the group by inviting someone who we all generally feel should stay away from us for now.

I also bluff him i got illegal wife keke (what i meant was i have bf)

Loneliness is indeed a choice...some enjoy it though.

Please do things for yourself...love yourself first...loving others will follow.

[areef]

I was reading the thread titles and I saw this one. I told myself bulleye! I think gay men are more prone to loneliness since our sexual orientation is not that openly accepted in the society. Mix that with need for love, sex and affirmation that we don't get as much as we liked to.

On the other hand, I believe loneliness is a type of behavior and all behavior can be controlled. If you will yourself to be lonely, you can 'unwill' it. Dozens of suggestions have been mentioned. Try one and begin feeling good with yourself again.

yeah, i don't think its a choice and like you guys said, we can "unwill" to be not lonely.

but easier said and done right. haha.. been there, done all that.

my current "remedy", work like crazy and have a relationship with my work instead.

sure it's tiring. but at least you wont have the time to feel lonely coz u'll always be occupied with work.

[mike_amk]

Quite frankly, I feel you guys need to appreciate the ability to detach from the world around and be able to enjoy the company of oneself.

Solitude need not be taken to represent loneliness. A few good friends are all you need in life... all the rest is fluff.

Going into the quietness of ones soul and the peaceful solitude of happy thoughts and on God is just so much bliss... I can never get enough of it.

We need to leave the world and all the noise behind everyday and have quality time for solitude... it is so refreshing.

However, enjoying the company of a partner or good friends is always welcome and valued, as is being comfortable by being all by yourself..

[ChubbyCuteBoy]

;-)

Cheer up man!

[Guest j.pokkemon]

i LOVE being alone... never felt disconnected,

and i very much wish to be able to find a mountain or cave, or deserted island to live in...

only coming out once in a long while when i feel really bored...

but perhaps that's just the weirdo me... lol

[zwei]

i feel like what he said though, kind of lonely at times, but! never resort to having sex to make me feel connected though... just find some friends and have dinner or shopping!

[jtsc]

I guess with our lifestyles feeling lonely is unavoidable especially for the singles. Using sex as an escape route may seem like a solution but sometimes it just get worse. Find something to do, even it is just a simple walking along the street may find something new for you.

[darkflame]

We only feel lonely when we mope around at home or elsewhere, looking at other couples and wishing you were with some perfect BF who only cater to your needs and you need not cater to his.

But anyway, I believe it's up to your mind to decide if you are happy being alone.

[Eujiboo]

Straight or gay , it's really the choices you make in your life that will determine your quality of it . You can be lonely and miserable or happy and living life to the fullest .

[Guest stbrianud]

Erm not emo or depressed because I'm gay... I see nothing wrong with being gay. I'm still man an I not? In just man that sleeps with men..

I take pride in that...

If a straight man so eagerly wanna crush me in business and I lose.. Well it's the growing up. But in the end of the day.. I still get to sleep with men:)

[hung]

thanks guys..was just one of those emo nights

[Marineboy]

Belayed hugz..........hope you feel better.