Too Shy Or So Scared?

[Guest Asiaman]

Are Singaporeans too shy or so scared?

I am a South Asian gay man in my mid 30's who travel quite frequently to Singapore as it is one of my favourite destinations close to home. The people are so polite and friendly and this I have identified as a distinctive feature in Singaporeans, compared to some other nations in the region.

I have always been trying to make friends in Singapore and particularly guys who are gay or bi. I must also mention that I am a 'Daddy Lover' which means I prefer meeting matured guys above 40's with no upper limit. When it come to this particular 'subject' it is so weired to see the guys quite snobbish, compared to the ones I meet on the road or at MRT. I wonder whether this happens due to language problem as I have seen locals prefer talking in Chinese than English. I have visited several saunas as well but the crowd do not seem to be much receptive especially towards foreighners. Most of the guys you meet in saunas just pretend as they are straight and married but I don't know why they visit gay friendly saunas. I have also tried several web sites and contacted several guys with personal ads but the response was so poor and even who responded never wanted to proceed from the point of exchanging e-mails and they seem to vanish instantly when it comes to the meeting point.

So, do I have to conclude that Singaporeans are too shy or so scared?

Cheers!

[Guest Guest]

Do you want a diplomatic answer or do you want the truth? If you want the truth, then can you handle the truth? Think carefully before you answer.

[Guest Guest]

Truth can be painful. We better leave it unspoken.

[Guest Fred]

Unfortunately you will find that many Singaporeans are pretty racist when it comes to South Asians. Ironic, given the racial harmony in the country, but true. Sorry. Hopefully, you will find somebody open-minded on one of your future visits.

[Guest RA w]

Have you tried Raw at http://raw.maleculture.com/

I have met South Asian guys at the sauna who seems to be having their share of fun.

[Guest mature40s]

Everyone has their own sexual preference. Just because I prefer younger men doesn't necessary mean that I am an ageist. And just because I prefer somebody of my same race doesn't necessary mean I am a bigot. Sexual preference is very personal, each having their own peculiar preference. Asiaman himself prefer men in their 40s with no upper limit - that is his sexual or companionship choice - would younger men sees him as discriminatory? I am not denying that racism exist but it would be too sweeping to attribute Asiaman's misadventure as racism. And like all generalisation, I thought I throw in my 2 cents worth so that we can see the other side of the coin.

[FattChoy]

Asiaman,

Probably you should try Thai people.

I think they are genuinely more friendly and sweet, man or woman.

Even their food taste better.... hahaha

By the way, I responded to Guest's question of whether Asiaman wanted a diplomatic answer or the truth. I suggested he throw both answers into the fray. However my answer just went *poof* from the board.

[Guest Asiaman]

Thanks Fred. I think you came out with the truth.

I have been to several South East Asian countries like Thailand, Hong Kong, Phillipines & Malaysia. With my experience I should say that Thailand is the best place with many cheerful guys and the Hong Kong is the worst with majority snobbish crowd. I have seen racism in those countries but there remains a language problem as well as I have seen that many people with Chinese origin cannot or doesn't like speaking English.

Its sad but the truth is that I know as we in South Asian countries like India & Sri Lanka welcome foreigners whether they are black or white.

[Guest Guest]

it is seen that caste system is still very much alive.

caste system is a localised phenomena and is already difficult to overcome.

how to talk about racial differences?

having a different race as a friend is easy and common in singapore.

but here in this enviroment you are talking of having sex and not friendship.

i am sure, you have no diffculty making friends in your work environment.

but having sex is a entirely different kettle of fish altogether.

[Guest Guest]

Asiaman -- Well, I am a guy with Chinese origin... aren't we communicating in English? Maybe it's because the accent of South Asian folks that tends to make the understanding a bit more difficult.

[Guest Guest]

Asiaman, I was the one who ask you if you can handle the truth. I was waiting for your answer before posting a reply.

Forget the diplomatic answer which is Singaporeans are shy and that's why they are avoiding you.

The truth is Singaporean Chinese, especially the older ones, those that you refer to as "daddies", prefer to play with people of their own race. I would not label this as racism, rather, it is a preference.

The younger Singaporeans, which you do not personally prefer, are more open minded towards having sex with people of other races. Someone here earlier mentioned RAW Spa. That place and Blue Heaven, another gay sauna, have their fair share of non-Chinese visitors but I have to say they are all quite young.

Another gospel truth - if you only like older East Asian daddies, eg, Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, Thais, then really the best place to find them are in Thailand. You can basically forget about Korea and Japan. Malaysia, especially Kuala Lumpur, is a good substitute for Singapore.

Singaporeans are generally quite friendly towards foreigners in a non sexual social or business setting. But when it comes to sex, then it basically boils down more to preferences, which you yourself have.

About communicating in English. Not all people in Singapore speak good English. The people that you interact with in a business setting are probably much better educated than the "daddies" you seek out in a gay sauna.

One advice specifically for you. When in a sauna, show off your family jewels to attract people. Do not approach anyone. Let themcome to you instead. You being a South Asian, I guess you would have a big one. A big one will always attracts some poeple regardless of their preferences.

Finally, when you reply to an ad, or when you post an ad, be up front about your race. If you are an Indian, Pakistani or Sri Lankan, be specific about it. Only a handful of people know what a South Asian is. Since the ads are probably soliciting for sex, the sexual preferences of these people are in play again. For whatever reasons, they may not want to have sex with a South Asian chap, but it is just a preference.

You seemed like a sensible and matured gentleman. I wish you luck in seeking the men of your choice and hope you have a pleasant time in Singapore whenever you visit us.

[oralb]

i have another take in this

those that asianman prefers tends to be older and in singapore could very well be married and have a family.

Hence they tend to be much more cautions than other groups.

with a foreigner, they could be afraid of blackmailing or other vice. this not applies to south asian type but could be also china national.

as such they prefer to stick to so-called safer bet, same skin, same accent.

dun get me wrong, i am not impling only foreigners will commit crime or locals will not blackmail others, i am merely stating the kind of mentality that the older age group might be having.

of coz all the reasons listed above could still be valid. it may even be a combination of various reasons of why local "daddy" shy away from south asians...

... well it could be even a much simplier reason that those that asianman approach didnt prefer his phyiscal appreances, for example they prefer chubby youth etc.

[Guest Guest]

Thanks Fred. I think you came out with the truth.

I have been to several South East Asian countries like Thailand, Hong Kong, Phillipines & Malaysia. With my experience I should say that Thailand is the best place with many cheerful guys and the Hong Kong is the worst with majority snobbish crowd. I have seen racism in those countries but there remains a language problem as well as I have seen that many people with Chinese origin cannot or doesn't like speaking English.

Its sad but the truth is that I know as we in South Asian countries like India & Sri Lanka welcome foreigners whether they are black or white.

Asiaman,

ofcourse you agreed with Fred's opinion and i think that's the 'truth' you wanted in the first place.

with your experience in your travels, i would expect you to have a worldly observation instead of a narrow one to simplify the 'truth' to just 'racist'.

as what guest had nicely answered its too simplistic to put sexual preference to 'racist' label.

You see, its human nature mostly to seek their own kind be it race, language, familiar culture for support, community belonging, sense of comfort and so on.

Why do you think there are pockets of different community in all countries. Havent you noticed? We have little india, chinatown, geylang seri and many angmoh areas.

So when come to sex you expect all to be international in taste?

Welcome to the real world. :-)

[Guest Asiaman]

Thanks to everybody who replied to my first post.

All the replies were quite interesting any involved high analytical view of the issue I had raised. I like in particular the reply by Guest and it showed a true warmth and genius of the Singaporean.

Infact I have met many friendly, nice and cheerful locals on the road, at MRT and in food courts who I have seen admiring me (and sometimes approach and ask me from where I am) I think mainly because of my appearence which is much close to an American or European than a South Asian as I am big made and tall. I enjoy talking to them and sex was a secondary importance for my liking for Singapore.

Cheers! :clap: