Guest Scruff Posted November 2, 2011 Report Share Posted November 2, 2011 What your comment(s) if a partner of monogamy relationship is flirting and asking for NSA / ONS on scruff, growlr and etc.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k999 Posted November 2, 2011 Report Share Posted November 2, 2011 I think it's quite common!! Saw a lot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eme Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 it may be common but then again thats really unacceptable unless both parties are ok with it.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Just a Thought Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 Monogamy is not natural. It was only invented in the last 60 yrs. A man's brain is not wired that way. You are setting yourself up with an unrealistic expectation that can only lead to disappointment. It's a convention invented by modern religion to try and control people. What's more important is commitment. Life is just too fast paced now in days. It used to be the case that people would experience life at a much slower pace. Moreover, their life expectancy was much shorter. I believe because of the pace of society and because of the length of our lives we are able to experience much more in this lifetime. It's rather like two or three lifetimes. This is why heterosexual people are divorcing and why gay people change partners. This is why people are starting and ending 2 or 3 careers in one lifetime. My suggestion is to "lighten up" and "go with the flow". If that is what your partner needs to do to fulfil his destiny then so be it. Be at peace, cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 Monogamy is not natural. It was only invented in the last 60 yrs. A man's brain is not wired that way. You are setting yourself up with an unrealistic expectation that can only lead to disappointment. It's a convention invented by modern religion to try and control people. What's more important is commitment. Life is just too fast paced now in days. It used to be the case that people would experience life at a much slower pace. Moreover, their life expectancy was much shorter. I believe because of the pace of society and because of the length of our lives we are able to experience much more in this lifetime. It's rather like two or three lifetimes. This is why heterosexual people are divorcing and why gay people change partners. This is why people are starting and ending 2 or 3 careers in one lifetime. My suggestion is to "lighten up" and "go with the flow". If that is what your partner needs to do to fulfil his destiny then so be it. Be at peace, cheersIf so, how do u explain why some of us are intensely jealous? Natural instinct to keep one mate is also very strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 If so, how do u explain why some of us are intensely jealous? Natural instinct to keep one mate is also very strong.yes we want to keep one mate for long term companionship. But we want several mates for sex. The more the better depending on the health of ur sex drive.ya seems very unbalanced. We don like our partners to sleep ard but we can't help ourselves doing the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foreign Talent Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 If so, how do u explain why some of us are intensely jealous?Natural instinct to keep one mate is also very strong.Oh that's simple. It's insecurity. We become jealous because we lack self-confidence, we are insecure, we doubt ourselves - we start to think that the reason why our partners are flirting with another party is because we have become unattractive, fat, old etc; so that insecurity manifests itself as jealousy. I'd like to think that it is one's partner's responsibility to reassure us that we're still beautiful, attractive, cute, wonderful etc - even after years in a long term relationship as both parties grow old together. I have seen so many relationships - gay and straight alike - when both parties grow old and insecure in the process and the relationship turns quite toxic when insecurity on both parties poison the relationship. The most common problem is that most people don't even recognize that they are insecure - it takes a lot of honesty with oneself to admit to one's faults, that one is inadequate. The problem with many people is that they have too much pride and would never admit, "I am insecure, I need reassuring" - no, they will tell the world "I'm fine, I'm strong." So really, the problem does boil down to our personal weakness when it comes to being insecure and lacking self-confidence. Even people who look beautiful, have good jobs, are successful in their lives can have bouts of insecurity and need reassuring from time to time. If this is not dealt with properly and in a timely manner, it then manifests itself in the form of jealousy. You wanna talk about natural instinct - well the instinct to feel insecure is pretty darn strong too you know? ktotally, swxy55 and tic-toc 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suckling_pig Posted November 3, 2011 Report Share Posted November 3, 2011 (edited) There was an interesting study done with sexual attraction in women during and in between their ovulation. When a woman is not ovulating, she tends to find reliable men ( those who would stick around and help her raise children ). And when she was ovulating (at peak of fertility cycle), she preferred the well built ultra masculine types. So it seems humans are not simple 2 dimensional beings. We are all complex multi-faceted beings programmed to seek monogamy when it suits us, and to philander when it suits us biologically Edited November 3, 2011 by suckling_pig Quote We see things not as they are, but as WE are - The TalmudWhen the student is ready, the teacher will appear - The Buddha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest annonomous1 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well, I personally feel if you are in a monogamous relationship...you should say so on your online / skuff / growlr.....my partner says he uses these sites to try to make us friends to go and do things. I do not feel it is acceptable for a monogamous coupled partner to flirt, talk about sex, or look for hook-ups. Yes we all have sexual needs, take those needs to your partner or jack it off....to me it is very unacceptable and does cause insecurities and jelousies, doubt and mis-trust. I am living proof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
permanent-guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) To compromise between the need for varieties of people for sex and the need to deal with boyfriend's (or boyfriends' if you have more than one boyfriends staying together with you) jealousy, bring along your bf (or bfs) to have 3some or 4some or 5some sex.Same way to deal with you own jealousy of your boyfriend or boyfriends having sex with others - arrange for all of you to "PLAY TOGETHER" whenever any of you is going to have sex with some outsiders. Edited January 10, 2012 by permanent-guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest anonymous1 Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Well if you are in a monogamous relationship...and truly promised that to your partner then there should be no sex outside of the relationship. If you find yourself in a monogamouse relationship and feel trapped or want to have sex with someone else then you should be a man and talk to your partner about changing the dynamics of the relationship. To me all of these sites cause insecurity, mis-trust and jealousy when in a monogamous relationship. It gets harder to swallow when you find out your partner has many many profiles out there online and using sex hookup apps on the phone when you never knew about it....makes you feel and think you are not enough. When you confront your partner about these profiles and sites and ask him to remove them and he refuses...hmmmmm...there must be more to the story than what is being told. Guys in you promised your partner monogamy when first becoming a couple then stick to it or man up and get the fxxk out of the relationship. Faithfulness and communication are key in a monogamous relationship. Like I said, I am living proof, have been there and done that...I have had 4 relationships where they were to be monogamous and ended up getting cheated on many times in all four relationships because of online sites and phone apps. These do cause problems in relationships. Does not anyone know what a true relationship is ???? I am a serial monogamoust and I feel there are not many out there anymore who are.....All you players need to stay single and you wont cause any hurt to anyone. Yes, bitter and jaded at times...LIVING PROOF! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abang Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 And when she was ovulating (at peak of fertility cycle), she preferred the well built ultra masculine types.....Oops if that is the case, I am ovulating perpetually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marineboy Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jsm Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Well if you are in a monogamous relationship...and truly promised that to your partner then there should be no sex outside of the relationship. If you find yourself in a monogamouse relationship and feel trapped or want to have sex with someone else then you should be a man and talk to your partner about changing the dynamics of the relationship. To me all of these sites cause insecurity, mis-trust and jealousy when in a monogamous relationship. It gets harder to swallow when you find out your partner has many many profiles out there online and using sex hookup apps on the phone when you never knew about it....makes you feel and think you are not enough. When you confront your partner about these profiles and sites and ask him to remove them and he refuses...hmmmmm...there must be more to the story than what is being told. Guys in you promised your partner monogamy when first becoming a couple then stick to it or man up and get the fxxk out of the relationship. Faithfulness and communication are key in a monogamous relationship. Like I said, I am living proof, have been there and done that...I have had 4 relationships where they were to be monogamous and ended up getting cheated on many times in all four relationships because of online sites and phone apps. These do cause problems in relationships. Does not anyone know what a true relationship is ???? I am a serial monogamoust and I feel there are not many out there anymore who are.....All you players need to stay single and you wont cause any hurt to anyone. Yes, bitter and jaded at times...LIVING PROOF!Sigh, very true that these easy hookups are damn tempting. I found my ex doing it. I was quite furious at first. Later I decided that the best way revenge was to go online myself. I put up a sexy faceless profile.And would you believe it, omg he woofed at me. We chatted and I finally had to tell him it was me. Immediately he broke up with me. I still don't know the real reason. Was he embarrassed for hooking up with me when he was supposed to cheat on me? Did he think I cheated on him like he did because of my sexy profile? Or did he feel that I purposely tricked him?.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exynos Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Sigh, very true that these easy hookups are damn tempting. I found my ex doing it. I was quite furious at first. Later I decided that the best way revenge was to go online myself. I put up a sexy faceless profile.And would you believe it, omg he woofed at me. We chatted and I finally had to tell him it was me. Immediately he broke up with me. I still don't know the real reason. Was he embarrassed for hooking up with me when he was supposed to cheat on me? Did he think I cheated on him like he did because of my sexy profile? Or did he feel that I purposely tricked him?....because he's pissed u pulled such measures. u should've confronted him directly.i think Singaporean chasers have it a lot easier, cos there're so little of them, and so many chubs that getting attached to one... sometimes feels like it doesn't mean anything. he gets bored, there're 100 queueing for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ironrod Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Sigh, very true that these easy hookups are damn tempting. I found my ex doing it. I was quite furious at first. Later I decided that the best way revenge was to go online myself. I put up a sexy faceless profile.And would you believe it, omg he woofed at me. We chatted and I finally had to tell him it was me. Immediately he broke up with me. I still don't know the real reason. Was he embarrassed for hooking up with me when he was supposed to cheat on me? Did he think I cheated on him like he did because of my sexy profile? Or did he feel that I purposely tricked him?....LOL my bf have all the sites profile - he says it's to spy on me and to know what's in the market. I try it for a while.....met a crazy guy which scares me lolThanks, no more hookup apps for me Being in a monogamy relationship should not be for anybody else but u and him - I like to flirt but not into sex with others Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ironrod Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 because he's pissed u pulled such measures. u should've confronted him directly.i think Singaporean chasers have it a lot easier, cos there're so little of them, and so many chubs that getting attached to one... sometimes feels like it doesn't mean anything. he gets bored, there're 100 queueing for him.Heheh waterballoon, my bf is 110kg so does that make me a chaser? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest insecure1 Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 In a monogamous relationship here. When we first got together I was told he was not into the gay scene. I started finding out that he had many on-line profiles under various profile names with his picture and same description. This upset me greatly, because none of them said he was partnered and stated his sexual position and size of his u-know-what. We had a discussion about this and he deleted all but one where he says he is monogamously partnered to me in his profile. Funny, though, more and different profiles kept popping up with same wording and description. I was told they were old and he just forgot to delete them or can no longer remember the password. A month ago, I found out he had apps on his phone for Growlr, Grindr and more. A friend told me. Yesterday, we had the day off together and decided to go shopping, go to dinner and a movie. While out shopping he pulls out his phone and goes oh I have a message. The whole time we were out he was logged in to a phone app and even decided to show me the guys picture....I was silently furious. So now he is even so blatent to even on our days off together and now I found out even at home he is logged in to these sites. It ruined my whole evening. I decided not to say anything, but I am very insecure and jealous right now. I feel I am not enough...he says he is just looking for friends. What is your take on this? How would you handle it? To me it is unacceptable. Period.Oh to further add, he now has his phone locked so I can not have access to it. He used to let me look at his phone and told me I could pick it up at anytime. But now his phone is locked with a password. I pay the phone bill for our phones and he says he has to have it locked because his work (retail) requires him too! Help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sillyjoe Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Oh to further add, he now has his phone locked so I can not have access to it. He used to let me look at his phone and told me I could pick it up at anytime. But now his phone is locked with a password. I pay the phone bill for our phones and he says he has to have it locked because his work (retail) requires him too! Help!Sure sounds like he is hiding things from you. I can see why you would worry and be insecure. Dump his ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest insecure1 Posted January 12, 2012 Report Share Posted January 12, 2012 Wow...was hoping for some advice or additional comments about my above postings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest insane Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 there is basically nothing much you can do. i always dream about a perfect relationship with my partner. he too has a colourful history and throughout the years, plenty of cheating and lies. i forgave him thinking that it will go away.grindr and jack'd disappeared from our lives. however, profiles with different name pops up and hookups conducted via irc or even new apps. i then realised that the more i control, the more underground it went. he was even contemplating about starting an underground relationship with another guy.i decided to be upfront with him and told him he has the right to make new friends and meet up with them. if he decides to cross the line into sex, he has to bear the consequences. this translates into grinding sessions in hotels when we travel or constantly messaging when we were out. hence, i came to the conclusion that if someone is very keen in these activities, they will not change. if you can't accept it, then move on.he has his own life and it is his choice to live it according to his wishes. if he is unhappy and need to hide from you, hey, are you forcing the relationship? give it a breather. take a step back and ask yourself, he is not going to change, can you accept it? if you can't, it is time to be a good frd.after several years of ups and downs, tears and joy (more joy than tears), we decided to call it quits maturely. none of us regret the time we spent together.hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exynos Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 Heheh waterballoon, my bf is 110kg so does that make me a chaser? lolwell if he's 190cm i guess he wouldn't be fat . and i'm skinnier than ur bf, lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest insecure1 Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 Ironrod - this topic is about the use of cell phone apps by monogamous partners looking for sex, flirting, whatever......not how much you weigh or anyone else.insane- this helped me tremendously. Thank you....either I accept it or move on. It has been a hard pill for me to swallow lately. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abang Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 Honestly would you have only one dish, one set of clothes or shoes all your life or just say, in one month?Wont you be 'xian' after the initial stage?It really takes a lot of discipline and how many amongst us can do it?Flirting is fine and should be accepted.Monogamous relationship is something I respect most but when my ex-bf did his little 'extras',I know because he compensated with 'guilt written all over his face'I am more towards the concept of 'open relationship'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ironrod Posted January 14, 2012 Report Share Posted January 14, 2012 Ironrod - this topic is about the use of cell phone apps by monogamous partners looking for sex, flirting, whatever......not how much you weigh or anyone else. insane- this helped me tremendously. Thank you....either I accept it or move on. It has been a hard pill for me to swallow lately. Thanks. Mr insecure - first thing u should do is stop paying his phone bill or stop paying anything and start going dutch.My concept is very simple, if I want a bf whom sleeps around - I can do it myself but flirting and "sleeping around" is different.I trust my bf enough to even encourage him to use those apps to make friends.What's wrong with ppl these days? Don't they know a person well enough before getting attached? How come ppl like to get attached first then have tons of questions about their spouse.If I don't trust my bf, I rather break up and be alone.Life is complicated enough, I don't think anybody should be in a r/s for trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HendryTan Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 The science of flirting: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeannyShortcake Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 People are gonna flirt whether you like it or not. If you find someone to be with you,great! Hope it works out. You go either keep mono or make it open. But flirting is a way of life. puppyfart 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James_SG88 Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 I just hope there isn't these kinds of ppl around, want to be with someone then have to take into consideration into the other party feelings... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest loyal Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Many bad advices above, shall not mention who. My humble advice below, take it or leave it:For new guys out there, please be faithful and fair to your partner. I have been together with my love for more than 20 years and we have seen through it, never give in to temptations(they are everywhere, have some pride in yourself), stop using those hookup apps and be a good boy.Even for straight couples, flirting and nsa is not acceptable.What you don't want others to do onto you, you don't do onto others. Simple?If you want to be a slut and flirt around, go and find your same kind, don't play with innocent guys. -peace- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
currentread Posted February 22, 2015 Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Monogamy is not natural. It was only invented in the last 60 yrs. A man's brain is not wired that way.By that same argument, neither is our idea of gender, sexuality, race, equality, peace, family, home, commitment, morals, kindness, etc. they are all human constructs and are not "natural". While monogamy is an relatively young terminology, it has been around for a very very very long time.I don't think it's wrong to expect monogamy in a relationship. It is not easy, and not many are looking for it, but if that is what one wants, he or she shouldn't settle for less. I don't really see a point of getting into a relationship if you don't plan to be monogamous - three way relationships aside. Edited February 22, 2015 by currentread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted February 22, 2015 Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 Many bad advices above, shall not mention who.My humble advice below, take it or leave it:For new guys out there, please be faithful and fair to your partner. I have been together with my love for more than 20 years and we have seen through it, never give in to temptations(they are everywhere, have some pride in yourself), stop using those hookup apps and be a good boy.Even for straight couples, flirting and nsa is not acceptable.What you don't want others to do onto you, you don't do onto others. Simple?If you want to be a slut and flirt around, go and find your same kind, don't play with innocent guys.-peace- ur other half could have been secretly eating outside, just that he do it sooooo discreeet u didnt even notice it. hahaha eating outside once a while is ok. it helps to release the supression and urge to eat new meat....just need eat once and then next few mths be obedient before the next hunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted February 22, 2015 Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 ur other half could have been secretly eating outside, just that he do it sooooo discreeet u didnt even notice it. hahahaeating outside once a while is ok. it helps to release the supression and urge to eat new meat....just need eat once and then next few mths be obedient before the next hunt.If you need to resort to do that, pls do yourself and your better half a favor, don't get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted February 22, 2015 Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 If your partner is fooling around outside, then he obviously doesn't understand what monogamy is... simple as that. (provided you guys agreed to be monogamous)Sadly, we see this too often these days... If you prefer monogamy, then go with it. If you prefer polygamy, then go with it. Know what you want and make sure this is communicated effectively. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T play with others' hearts. Different folks, different strokes - simple as this. Going around criticizing others (eg. Monogamy totally sucks and is unnatural, eg. Polygamy is stupid, etc.) for THEIR choices shows YOUR insecurity about your own decision... if you're already so sure an option is the best for you, then why do you feel the need to criticise the other one? To make yourself feel better? Ego issues? You'd only be decreasing your reliability... bigdanbeam 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puppyfart Posted February 22, 2015 Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 thot everyone flirts once in a while, it's just harmless fun,taken in the right context.only becums a problem when flirting leads to sexual relationship.in which case, depends on how u view the relationship, some expect plain vanilla monogamy while some r in exotic 'open' relationships - as long as both parties understand and are comfortable with their relationship status, who r we to say wat's right and wat's wrong with their relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimming Posted February 22, 2015 Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 Different couples have different ruler to measure their relationship. We all know there is no one rule that fits all. Just dun use your sexuality moral ruler to measure others open relationship if it's not your cup of tea. Respect that People do have a choice and good communication is important. Otherwise remain single, hungry and alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jamame Posted June 11, 2020 Report Share Posted June 11, 2020 On 11/3/2011 at 12:24 PM, Guest Just a Thought said: Monogamy is not natural. It was only invented in the last 60 yrs. A man's brain is not wired that way. You are setting yourself up with an unrealistic expectation that can only lead to disappointment. It's a convention invented by modern religion to try and control people. What's more important is commitment. Life is just too fast paced now in days. It used to be the case that people would experience life at a much slower pace. Moreover, their life expectancy was much shorter. I believe because of the pace of society and because of the length of our lives we are able to experience much more in this lifetime. It's rather like two or three lifetimes. This is why heterosexual people are divorcing and why gay people change partners. This is why people are starting and ending 2 or 3 careers in one lifetime. My suggestion is to "lighten up" and "go with the flow". If that is what your partner needs to do to fulfil his destiny then so be it. Be at peace, cheers  It is really tough in our business to keep them steady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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