Why We Are So Rude Online

[briax]

Just saw this on Yahoo

Why are we so nasty to each other online? Whether on Facebook, Twitter, message boards or websites, we say things to each other that we would never say face to face. Shouldn't we know better by now?

Anonymity is a powerful force. Hiding behind a fake screen name makes us feel invincible, as well as invisible. Never mind that, on many websites, we're not as anonymous as we think—and we're not anonymous at all on Facebook. Even when we reveal our real identities, we still misbehave.

According to soon-to-be-published research from professors at Columbia University and the University of Pittsburgh, browsing Facebook lowers our self control. The effect is most pronounced with people whose Facebook networks were made up of close friends, the researchers say.

Most of us present an enhanced image of ourselves on Facebook. This positive image—and the encouragement we get, in the form of "likes"—boosts our self-esteem. And when we have an inflated sense of self, we tend to exhibit poor self-control.

"Think of it as a licensing effect: You feel good about yourself so you feel a sense of entitlement," says Keith Wilcox, assistant professor of marketing at Columbia Business School and co-author of the study. "And you want to protect that enhanced view, which might be why people are lashing out so strongly at others who don't share their opinions." These types of behavior—poor self control, inflated sense of self—"are often displayed by people impaired by alcohol," he adds.

The researchers conducted a series of five studies. In one, they asked 541 Facebook users how much time they spent on the site and how many close friends they had in their Facebook networks. They also asked about their offline lives, including questions about their debt and credit-card usage, their weight and eating habits and how much time they spent socializing in person each week.

People who spent more time online and who had a high percentage of close ties in their network were more likely to engage in binge eating and to have a greater body mass index, as well as to have more credit-card debt and a lower credit score, the research found. Another study found that people who browsed Facebook for five minutes and had strong network ties were more likely to choose a chocolate-chip cookie than a granola bar as a snack.

In a third study, the professors gave participants a set of anagrams that were impossible to solve, as well as timed IQ tests, then measured how long it took them to give up trying to solve the problems. They found people who spent more time on Facebook were more likely to give up on difficult tasks more quickly. A Facebook spokesman declined to comment.

Why are we often so aggressive online? Consider this recent post to this column's Facebook page, from someone I don't know: "Why should I even bother writing you? You won't respond."

We're less inhibited online because we don't have to see the reaction of the person we're addressing, says Sherry Turkle, psychologist and Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor of the social studies of science and technology. Because it's harder to see and focus on what we have in common, we tend to dehumanize each other, she says.

Astoundingly, Dr. Turkle says, many people still forget that they're speaking out loud when they communicate online. Especially when posting from a smartphone, "you are publishing but you don't feel like you are," she says. "So what if you say 'I hate you' on this tiny little thing? It's like a toy. It doesn't feel consequential."

And for Facebook, its very name is part of the problem. "It promises us a face and a place where we are going to have friends," says Dr. Turkle, author of the book "Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other." "If you get something hurtful there, you're not prepared. You feel doubly affronted, so you strike back."

It's high season for online bickering about politics, as Chip Bolcik well knows. Mr. Bolcik, 54, a TV announcer and registered Independent from Thousand Oaks, Calif., likes to pose political questions on his Facebook page. "I am very interested in how people think who have different views than mine," he says. "And sometimes I will write a provocative question for the entertainment purpose of watching people yell at each other."

Over the past few months, Mr. Bolcik lost two real-life friends because of online political spats. The first friend got mad at him after he posted a status update asking people to debate whether Mormons are Christians. ("You are so off base you don't know what you are talking about," she wrote on his page, followed later by: "You're an idiot.") Mr. Bolcik blocked her from his page. "I will allow free discussion until you irritate me," he says. Sometimes, he erases entire conversation threads.

The second friendship ended even more abruptly, after one of Mr. Bolcik's old friends offended several of his Facebook friends, as well as Mr. Bolcik himself, by repeatedly posting his views. "He was spouting about politics, rather than discussing," Mr. Bolcik says. Mr. Bolcik wrote his friend and told him he was going to block him from the page if he didn't pipe down. In response, his friend told him off using vulgar language and unfriended him. "I was pretty upset," Mr. Bolcik says.

Still, he sometimes can't restrain himself from fanning the flames. When a political discussion thread becomes heated and he doesn't like the way it is going—"right or left," he says—he privately messages one of his "attack dog" friends and suggests he or she join the discussion. "I will say, 'Gee, this discussion doesn't seem right to me, what do you think?' " he says. "Then they will go on there and berate the person who is upsetting me, and I will look like the good guy."

Source: http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/why-we-are-so-rude-online.html

Edited October 3, 2012 by briax

[Guest Featheric]

It is simple.

If we can't be real on the internet. We can never be.

All the things that are lost, should have been lost long ago because we had not the courage to say what we meant.

If what is lost is found through understanding later, it is a true progress.

If not, just take courage and believe in your own path.

If everyone meant well but only with different perspectives, we will all meet at the end as the destination is the same.

[单眼皮]

Nice article. Online anonymity is toxic but yet it gives the freedom to say what's really on your mind.

The only thing is that some folks tend to take comments too seriously and hence some tragic cases from cyber bullying.

At the end of the day, gotta put things into perspective.

Words don't hurt you, sharp bed edges do.

Edited October 4, 2012 by 单眼皮

[kee_hsiao]

in short -- keyboard heroes

[Guest guest]

should get the expert gstc82 to answer this question,why u are so rude online?

[sanxian1990]

IMHO, I don't fully agree with what the article has to say.

From my own experience, people are not usually rude on FaceBook. Correct me if I'm wrong or if my experience is way too myopic. A person is not anonymous on FB and in turn, will have some form of self-restraint, especially if they know they will get to meet the person face to face and have to deal with the awkward situation ensuing from the FB post.

However, things are different when people can post in anonymity. It removes the self-restraint and responsibility that is tagged with uploading a post online. It becomes an avenue for people to post rude/nasty comments which they are unable to do usually with their identity tagged to them. As seen by many of us here when anonymous Guests post their rude/unconstructive/sometimes helpful but mostly unconstructive rantings/comments that serve little purpose.

As such, I believe that it is not the online social media that makes people rude but the anonymity which some platforms allow, that dissolves a person's self-restraint and sense of responsibility, in turn, encouraging them to be rude on such platforms.

[Guest Guest]

should get the expert gstc82 to answer this question,why u are so rude online?

LOL

[tamshui]

I have to go with 单眼皮 Words don't hurt you, sharp bed edges do.

Mom always said "consider the source"(when you hear things about you) and she being the wise woman she is said "if you argue with a fool, you argue with yourself". I don't think she wrote any of this but it proven to be good advice.

[Guest GUEST]

could it be low education? could it be bad family brought up?could it be over confident?( might fall down when u over confident)could it be like father like son?could it be metally unsound?( one of the connection of the nerve not properly connected?

[Slynn]

I used to think that anonymity is the only type of identity that will post rude and hurling insults, but there are some examples on other social platform; A good example would be those people who have posted nasty comments about XiaXue earlier this year

It was a harsh lashback that Xiaxue delivered back at those people, but it was a good wakeup call to them that one still has to post responsibly and treat others humanely online. It just feels strange that those people who posted those comments do not even attempt to hide their identity, they thought they will get away with it after venting their anger in such an irrational way. And they almost did, until Xiaxue released all their information in her blog and almost got sued herself

A person hurling offending insults at person in real life may be punished and sued according to defamation, libel and slander law. But doing so in the internet the same way seems to be fine as they seemingly can get away with it without much repercussions, unless things escalated and result in death (as with the case of Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide after his room mate tweeted everyone firstly, to express disgust, and secondly, to watch a live webcam streaming of tyler making out with his boyfriend)

If there are stricter laws that govern such 'freedom of speech', maybe such incidence will reduce. though people may still behave more rudely than they are in real life. It is the same with people who has racist posts in their blog, because it will be punished, hence no one dare to do so. But making such laws seems to be a waste of time and resources for some, it can be spent better elsewhere

Can't really stop people from being rude online, so i think the best defense is offense. SHOOT EVERY MUTHAfxxkER DOWN!! (Only those who provoke you though)

Edited October 4, 2012 by Slynn

[Guest stbrianud]

As most have the deal about this so I won't be adding to much.

I can related to this because its no doubt true. Anonymity allows one to create a separate persona, one of confidence and stature. With that said, it allows them to say what ever they want without having to think about what they say.

I use to be like that when I put a different picture before. Of course I don't think I was that much of a bitch. But after Alexandre gave me so much more confidence and made me realize things about myself I should not be ashamed by, I don't mind putting my picture up. I see no value in anonymity anymore for myself because I have nothing to hide.

Yes I'm not very built, yes I'm not very attractive, yes I have a really high sex drive.

For people in this forum to show me so much respect and help me through some tough times of mine, made me remember something I almost forgot.

Respect... I don't respect anyone who hides behind anonymity to attack people which is what most of them do.

But there are those that use anonymity because they are insecure of their looks... Those I can respect if they are.. Well... Respectable hahaha.

[gammaray]

Just because we don't see each other face-to-face doesn't mean we need to be rude. V unprofessional.

Ironically, some truthful thoughts are usually unleashed by anonymity for obvious reasons. A lil tactful will be nice though hah. :smokin:

[Guest Jalil]

People who are usually introverts can only release their feelings online where their faces are hidden.

[Den Yuan]

We cannot see each other. Therefore we cannot hit each other.

[snowball]

coward in reality life, thus need to act tough in visual world

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Den Yuan said:

We cannot see each other. Therefore we cannot hit each other.

 

I can see you, but I still cannot hit you.

 

23 minutes ago, snowball said:

coward in reality life, thus need to act tough in visual world

 

Or maybe tough in real world and therefore, even tougher in virtual world.

[Nipoet]

Well, I don't think I am.

 

In fact, I'm a pleasantly nice guy offline, and I like to portray that same attitude and behaviour online.

But sometimes my opinions may be forceful, and I may sound intimidating.

 

But just a bit only. xD

[Guest KongXi]

13 hours ago, Nipoet said:

Well, I don't think I am.

 

In fact, I'm a pleasantly nice guy offline, and I like to portray that same attitude and behaviour online.

But sometimes my opinions may be forceful, and I may sound intimidating.

 

But just a bit only. xD

 

So, which is which?  Everything that's forceful and intimidating is excusable because you believe you are a nice guy, even when there's a bit only?  Ego and narcissism are a very thin line separating them.

[Carpenter]

This is basically what describe BW guests so well. Too well.

[abang]

You may want to be "unlike" me... 

Someone tried his best to private-message me for a couple of days with the same silly message ...I replied the first and when it was repeated, I simply wrote CCB (in full) and the mails stopped.  

 

[Nipoet]

5 hours ago, Guest KongXi said:

 

So, which is which?  Everything that's forceful and intimidating is excusable because you believe you are a nice guy, even when there's a bit only?  Ego and narcissism are a very thin line separating them.

 

Indeed, and it takes a wisdom to know when one is being either. And I believe I'm egoistic and narcissistic enough to believe I am.

 

Confidence and over-confidence is a thin line between, too.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Carpenter said:

This is basically what describe BW guests so well. Too well.

 

And this came from a BW member like you....?

[Guest Don Juan]

So many here come to this site just to show their feeling of hatred

[cutejack]

Bcoz they r mother fuckers...hahaha

[fab]

[Guest Guest]

23 minutes ago, cutejack said:

Bcoz they r mother fuckers...hahaha

                                                                                     

 

[cutejack]

5 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

                                                                                     

 

Tats y the appear as a guest.

[Guest Guest]

17 hours ago, cutejack said:

Tats y the appear as a guest.

 

You are why guests don't appear as members.

[Guest wacist]

 

[Guest cafeeing]

^ I just want to add. What really annoys me about that debate was that the "liberals" were trying to establish the word "Asian" as a denominator of those of East Asian descent... when the term should be used to describe anyone from Asia.

 

Just to go off on one against MSNBC & USA liberals... I think it's weird that the US is having such a heated debate around illegal immigration. The majority of the earth wouldn't think that discussing stopping illegal immigration was a "racist" or even "illiberal" thing to do like MSNBC seems to think. While Europe is caving in thanks to serve migration of Muslims due to their politically-neutral asylum laws, it's has managed to get far more stricter than the USA at externally-sourced immigration; the discussion on legal immigration in Europe is firmly closing in on whether the freedom-of-movement between states should be dismantled or not, partially due to the trouble with Muslims happening historically and right now.

 

Also, if you look at the whole video, you'll see that NBC took Ann Coulter out-of-context, since she was calling them "Mandarins" because all she saw in the stadium were "Chinese people with signs in Mandarin" "and Hispanics in Spanish", which I think is very acceptable. MSNBC is just as crooked as outlets like FOX News... while a lot of her speech might be dubious, she didn't say anything wrong here considering the context of what she had said before.