Fear Of Growing Old (compiled)

[thorzguy]

Not so much about growing old; more so if people ever grow up.

[Steve5380]

14 hours ago, lonelyglobe said:

Thats the problem....technology makes people "feel" they are not alone but in actual fact they are alone, online games, fb, twitter, instagram and whatever forum there are....the only way to not be alone is to switch off that device and walk out to meet some "real" people and not living in a virtual world

 

Well,  what is loneliness but a feeling?  If technology makes us not feel lonely,  what can be better?

Of course, personal contacts have advantages.  But the "virtual" world offers some of its own.

How much time and effort would it take to exchange ideas with all of you in person?

How much effort would it take to stay informed in our world without technology? 

I used to receive the newspaper every day, now only twice a week.

But now I prefer reading this newspaper online, than reading it from paper.

And the "virtual" world offers an increasing wealth of entertainment at home.

Be what it is, this is the direction society is taking.  Increased "virtual reality".

[jonathan1456]

Age is but a number. 

Make no difference if you have been taking good care of your health. 

Mentally, a person should get wiser with each year that he lives. 

Mental and physical well being are actually something that we can manage even as we ages over time. 

Stay happy, healthy and be contented with what you can do as you age. 

Life can be kind to you if you are willing to go easy on yourself.  

[Guest Fit Uncle]

2 hours ago, jonathan1456 said:

Age is but a number. 

Make no difference if you have been taking good care of your health. 

Mentally, a person should get wiser with each year that he lives. 

Mental and physical well being are actually something that we can manage even as we ages over time. 

Stay happy, healthy and be contented with what you can do as you age. 

Life can be kind to you if you are willing to go easy on yourself.  

Age is not just a number, it's no use trying to be PC and bury our head in the sand. You do get weaker and signs of aging start to appear more and more. You can never reverse aging but you can slow down and minimize the signs of aging. Fear of aging is normal and acceptance is the first step to fighting the signs of aging. Those who cannot accept will try to reverse it by lying to themselves instead by chasing younger men, wearing garish clothes, eating bird's nest or taking any fashionable youth supplements like collagen, vitamins, cosmetics, surgery, massage ... Spending tons and tons of money thinking they can buy youth. Whereas simple hard exercises are free.

 

Many simply give up and don't even want to see this type of reminders.

If I try to talk to them, they'll either give me the shrugs or even give me that annoyed look, "you very fit meh, I know some people very fit also die early.." or here simply say tldr; skip over.

 

It makes a difference because you have been taking care of your health CORRECTLY. I know of many who take the easy way out of slow strolls, going vegetarian etc. That slows down the aging but frankly, it's not enough. He's barely considered healthy. The obvious signs of aging are still there...big tummy, easily out of breath, aches and pains, looking very aged...

 

Plenty of excuses given..too old, aches and pain, easily injured, no time, "already trying lah" that resolution abandoned year after year, 

The Fitness & Health forum is as quiet as a graveyard but the Massage & Grooming Services forum is booming with business.

 

I don't agree with 

"Life can be kind to you if you are willing to go easy on yourself.  "

Bite it and take it like a man.

But you don't have to go super hard in the beginning. Just push beyond comfort and feel some burn. Go easy after the burn, not before.

 

No pain no gain.

 

[mate69]

i would rather grow old alone than to grow old with a wrong person or partner. It can scar a person for life. Irreversible damage.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, Guest Fit Uncle said:

Age is not just a number, it's no use trying to be PC and bury our head in the sand. You do get weaker and signs of aging start to appear more and more. You can never reverse aging but you can slow down and minimize the signs of aging. Fear of aging is normal and acceptance is the first step to fighting the signs of aging. Those who cannot accept will try to reverse it by lying to themselves instead by chasing younger men, wearing garish clothes, eating bird's nest or taking any fashionable youth supplements like collagen, vitamins, cosmetics, surgery, massage ... Spending tons and tons of money thinking they can buy youth. Whereas simple hard exercises are free.

-----

No pain no gain.

 

 

I believe that you will also accept that while we cannot make time go backwards,  we can REVERSE some of the deterioration that comes with aging.  We can reverse arthritis, for example, by using our articulations more in expert exercises.  We can reverse loss of muscle mass, bone density with both exercise and nutrition.  We can partially reverse chronic illnesses with the right nutrition.  We can reverse stiffness with stretching, etc.

 

Yes, simple hard exercises are free, and can be made even more accessible with the cost of a gym membership.

And I would replace "no pain no gain"  with "no effort no gain".

[Guest Sport-coholic]

Worst fear is growing old with dementia. 

[gsky]

There are too many negative connotations about aging, especially among the young ones and those going middle-age.  Some younger persons try to speak like an expert on growing old.

 

Growing old is a process, nobody can stop it, even those insulting handsome young guys will grow old soon.

 

Growing older is wonderful; I have good health, lots of free time to do things I like and at my own pace.  Even have time to try all the good food at far away corners of Sing and Malaysia. Usually have the best seats at nice theaters to make-up all the shows I missed previously.

 

Have time to try out all the good MBs from overseas working here and they serve you better because during weekday afternoons they are not rushed. But you have to treat them well like offering them nice food. 

 

Don't fear growing old , take care of yourself now physically so that you can grow old without seeing the doctor, (yes that's happening to me).

 

Remember to make and save lots of money so that nobody can bully you when you are old.

 

 

 

[lonelyglobe]

7 hours ago, Sport-coholic said:

Worst fear is growing old with dementia. 

Yes...if single u yourself suffer and if couple, u and your partner suffer together.

[lonelyglobe]

5 hours ago, gsky said:

There are too many negative connotations about aging, especially among the young ones and those going middle-age.  Some younger persons try to speak like an expert on growing old.

 

Growing old is a process, nobody can stop it, even those insulting handsome young guys will grow old soon.

 

Growing older is wonderful; I have good health, lots of free time to do things I like and at my own pace.  Even have time to try all the good food at far away corners of Sing and Malaysia. Usually have the best seats at nice theaters to make-up all the shows I missed previously.

 

Have time to try out all the good MBs from overseas working here and they serve you better because during weekday afternoons they are not rushed. But you have to treat them well like offering them nice food. 

 

Don't fear growing old , take care of yourself now physically so that you can grow old without seeing the doctor, (yes that's happening to me).

 

Remember to make and save lots of money so that nobody can bully you when you are old.

 

 

 

Beside money and health, friends or interest group is another important components.

[LeanMature]

10 hours ago, gsky said:

There are too many negative connotations about aging, especially among the young ones and those going middle-age.  Some younger persons try to speak like an expert on growing old.

 

Growing old is a process, nobody can stop it, even those insulting handsome young guys will grow old soon.

 

Growing older is wonderful; I have good health, lots of free time to do things I like and at my own pace.  Even have time to try all the good food at far away corners of Sing and Malaysia. Usually have the best seats at nice theaters to make-up all the shows I missed previously.

 

Have time to try out all the good MBs from overseas working here and they serve you better because during weekday afternoons they are not rushed. But you have to treat them well like offering them nice food. 

 

Don't fear growing old , take care of yourself now physically so that you can grow old without seeing the doctor, (yes that's happening to me).

 

Remember to make and save lots of money so that nobody can bully you when you are old.

 

 

 

 

Right, without enough savings, growing old is a nightmare.

[Guest Fit Uncle]

So if given the choice, which would you choose when you're old like us ?

 

1.) Rich but not in good health. Can easily get MB like gsky above?

 

2.) Only enough money for basic comforts & health insurance covers, but definitely no money for massages and MB. But fit body easy gets your own fun if you want.

 

No wise crack about wanting best of both because from above responses we know very very few has both.

[mate69]

As they say, health is wealth.

It applies throughout one's life cycle.

[LeanMature]

10 hours ago, Guest Fit Uncle said:

So if given the choice, which would you choose when you're old like us ?

 

1.) Rich but not in good health. Can easily get MB like gsky above?

 

2.) Only enough money for basic comforts & health insurance covers, but definitely no money for massages and MB. But fit body easy gets your own fun if you want.

 

No wise crack about wanting best of both because from above responses we know very very few has both.

 

If easy "get own fun if you want", then poor also never mind. 

[Steve5380]

11 hours ago, Guest Fit Uncle said:

So if given the choice, which would you choose when you're old like us ?

 

1.) Rich but not in good health. Can easily get MB like gsky above?

 

2.) Only enough money for basic comforts & health insurance covers, but definitely no money for massages and MB. But fit body easy gets your own fun if you want.

 

No wise crack about wanting best of both because from above responses we know very very few has both.

 

If instead of "rich" you consider "well off",  there are many old people who have both.

One does not have to be "rich" to easily get MB,  especially in SE Asia.

[Guest Guest]

It will be very difficult if you are single and become weak when you are older.

[Guest Holo]

On 3/18/2019 at 11:25 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Well,  what is loneliness but a feeling?  If technology makes us not feel lonely,  what can be better?

Of course, personal contacts have advantages.  But the "virtual" world offers some of its own.

How much time and effort would it take to exchange ideas with all of you in person?

How much effort would it take to stay informed in our world without technology? 

I used to receive the newspaper every day, now only twice a week.

But now I prefer reading this newspaper online, than reading it from paper.

And the "virtual" world offers an increasing wealth of entertainment at home.

Be what it is, this is the direction society is taking.  Increased "virtual reality".

But seriously, how do you cope up that your days are.numbered?

[Steve5380]

On 12/26/2021 at 7:54 PM, Guest Holo said:

But seriously, how do you cope up that your days are.numbered?

 

There is no living creature whose days are not numbered.

To COPE, it helps to be in good health.  Then one does not think of death,  but sees death as something far in the future.

[InBangkok]

On 12/27/2021 at 9:07 AM, Steve5380 said:

There is no living creature whose days are not numbered.

To COPE, it helps to be in good health.  Then one does not think of death,  but sees death as something far in the future.

Our days are indeed numbered and there is nothing we can do to prevent that. What I believe we might be discussing rather than death is making the most out of our lives whilst we have life. After all, death can come at any time. A close friend of mine in Hong Kong died at the age of 28. He was full of the joys of life, the funniest of guys and the focus of attention in any gathering. He died of a brain aneurism, the result of a blood vessel in his brain that had been faulty since birth. Those five young men who died in the horrific car crash on Tanjong Pagar in February were also in their 20s. Had the driver not been racing they might still be alive. So natural causes and our own actions can result in death. None of us can predict with certainty how long we will live.

 

Unless you believe in a certain religion, we only  have one life and it is surely up to us to see that we enjoy it to the full. This does not depend on the income we make, although money has its own importance. In my view, to a large extent it depends on friendships, that circle of guys and girls who provide our support system when things go wrong for us. And of course relationships. A long and fulfilling partnership enables us to love and be loved. It opens new doors of understanding, companionship and compromise. 

 

To the question asked by the TS so many years ago. Yes, if you depend on the apps, on going to saunas and gay bars, a lot of older guys prefer the company of younger guys. That's just a fact of gay life and is a reality all gays have to accept. My partner has a night out with his young Thai friends every fortnight. Three are unpartnered and they have the same desire to find a boyfriend - in Thai thinking, age has less importance than real love - and get very downhearted knowing that many guys, both Thai and foreign, are after only one thing - sex, not love. Yet I have several friends who have been in long term relationships with Asian guys, one lasting more than 30 years and another more than 20. One gay couple in Hong Kong even have two of the most delightful children you could hope to meet. In Taipei I usually meet up with three Taiwanese gay couples all of which are roughly the same age.

 

How to meet is the real issue. As one of the older generation, I remember when meetings with other gays were almost always first a personal contact. Meeting in a bar or at a party - or even just innocently walking along a street and seeing someone who made your heart beat a little faster. Our gaydar had to be quite acute then as did our courage, for if we liked them we had either to let them pass by or find a way to strike up a conversation. That's what happened to me very surprisingly on my first visit to Tokyo decades ago. I was exiting a subway station. The steps up to the sunlit pavement above were packed, as were those adjacent ones leading downwards. Amongst the salarymen in their suits going down, I noticed a bright white shirt. Quick as a flash I saw that the tall young Japanese was extremely handsome. Our eyes locked for just a brief second. A couple of seconds later, I turned around. I could see that he was looking back at me. Did that mean anything. I had never been in Tokyo before and had no idea of Japanese customs. When I got to the top I looked back down, more in hope than in expectation. But in the darkness at the foot of the steps I could just see that white shirt. What to do, for I did not speak more than a few words of Japanese? But I decided just to go back down and let fate take its course. It was the guy I had seen just moments earlier. He was clearly waiting for someone - hopefully me. I was lucky. We managed to chat. That evening we met for dinner and he showed me how to find the ni-chome gay area. We met again the following day. We now knew that we liked each other a lot and, well, we spent much of the week-end together. The gaydar had worked. Whereas we met on several visits to Tokyo, this was never going to be a real relationship as we could only ever be together occasionally. I cite it only as an example of how meetings could sometimes happen.

 

So however and wherever those first meetings, the next would usually be a social occasion - coffee, a drink, a meal - somewhere we could find out more about each other and see if there was really any chemistry. Even if for many gay guys, sex was not the primary objective, we might hope that we might get to that point sooner rather than later. But chemistry between two guys is so important.

 

Nowadays sex in most cases seems to come first. I suppose that's progress but I for one feel that is unfortunate, especially for younger guys in their late teems and early 20s who are hoping for the start of a relationship. I still think getting together regularly with a group of friends, not all of whom have to be gay, is one way of starting out. Personal contacts IMHO are the best way that can lead to  meaningful relationships. 

[LeanMature]

Fear because you can't let go of what you have - or had.  But there is no escape from getting old, sickness and dying.

[forbiindiantop]

On 12/27/2021 at 11:51 AM, InBangkok said:

Our days are indeed numbered and there is nothing we can do to prevent that. What I believe we might be discussing rather than death is making the most out of our lives whilst we have life. After all, death can come at any time. A close friend of mine in Hong Kong died at the age of 28. He was full of the joys of life, the funniest of guys and the focus of attention in any gathering. He died of a brain aneurism, the result of a blood vessel in his brain that had been faulty since birth. Those five young men who died in the horrific car crash on Tanjong Pagar in February were also in their 20s. Had the driver not been racing they might still be alive. So natural causes and our own actions can result in death. None of us can predict with certainty how long we will live.

 

Unless you believe in a certain religion, we only  have one life and it is surely up to us to see that we enjoy it to the full. This does not depend on the income we make, although money has its own importance. In my view, to a large extent it depends on friendships, that circle of guys and girls who provide our support system when things go wrong for us. And of course relationships. A long and fulfilling partnership enables us to love and be loved. It opens new doors of understanding, companionship and compromise. 

 

To the question asked by the TS so many years ago. Yes, if you depend on the apps, on going to saunas and gay bars, a lot of older guys prefer the company of younger guys. That's just a fact of gay life and is a reality all gays have to accept. My partner has a night out with his young Thai friends every fortnight. Three are unpartnered and they have the same desire to find a boyfriend - in Thai thinking, age has less importance than real love - and get very downhearted knowing that many guys, both Thai and foreign, are after only one thing - sex, not love. Yet I have several friends who have been in long term relationships with Asian guys, one lasting more than 30 years and another more than 20. One gay couple in Hong Kong even have two of the most delightful children you could hope to meet. In Taipei I usually meet up with three Taiwanese gay couples all of which are roughly the same age.

 

How to meet is the real issue. As one of the older generation, I remember when meetings with other gays were almost always first a personal contact. Meeting in a bar or at a party - or even just innocently walking along a street and seeing someone who made your heart beat a little faster. Our gaydar had to be quite acute then as did our courage, for if we liked them we had either to let them pass by or find a way to strike up a conversation. That's what happened to me very surprisingly on my first visit to Tokyo decades ago. I was exiting a subway station. The steps up to the sunlit pavement above were packed, as were those adjacent ones leading downwards. Amongst the salarymen in their suits going down, I noticed a bright white shirt. Quick as a flash I saw that the tall young Japanese was extremely handsome. Our eyes locked for just a brief second. A couple of seconds later, I turned around. I could see that he was looking back at me. Did that mean anything. I had never been in Tokyo before and had no idea of Japanese customs. When I got to the top I looked back down, more in hope than in expectation. But in the darkness at the foot of the steps I could just see that white shirt. What to do, for I did not speak more than a few words of Japanese? But I decided just to go back down and let fate take its course. It was the guy I had seen just moments earlier. He was clearly waiting for someone - hopefully me. I was lucky. We managed to chat. That evening we met for dinner and he showed me how to find the ni-chome gay area. We met again the following day. We now knew that we liked each other a lot and, well, we spent much of the week-end together. The gaydar had worked. Whereas we met on several visits to Tokyo, this was never going to be a real relationship as we could only ever be together occasionally. I cite it only as an example of how meetings could sometimes happen.

 

So however and wherever those first meetings, the next would usually be a social occasion - coffee, a drink, a meal - somewhere we could find out more about each other and see if there was really any chemistry. Even if for many gay guys, sex was not the primary objective, we might hope that we might get to that point sooner rather than later. But chemistry between two guys is so important.

 

Nowadays sex in most cases seems to come first. I suppose that's progress but I for one feel that is unfortunate, especially for younger guys in their late teems and early 20s who are hoping for the start of a relationship. I still think getting together regularly with a group of friends, not all of whom have to be gay, is one way of starting out. Personal contacts IMHO are the best way that can lead to  meaningful relationships. 

Beautifully written! 

[drektster]

after seeing many old folks so inconsiderate and using their age to take advantage of others. i really fear growing old in asia. cos have no time to fight or argue.

[mate69]

On 12/28/2021 at 1:34 PM, drektster said:

after seeing many old folks so inconsiderate and using their age to take advantage of others. i really fear growing old in asia. cos have no time to fight or argue.

 

then how? move away to another country?

u have to devise a plan then to cope with what's coming

[drektster]

On 12/28/2021 at 2:25 PM, mate69 said:

 

then how? move away to another country?

u have to devise a plan then to cope with what's coming

yup, maybe build up my vocab to play 接龍 with friends online.

[Guest Talking Clam]

On 12/27/2021 at 10:07 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

There is no living creature whose days are not numbered.

To COPE, it helps to be in good health.  Then one does not think of death,  but sees death as something far in the future.

You have the same fear, when you were young too, like the members here.  Now that you reached the stage of being advance in years, that fear is completely redundant and other worries like health and finance take center stage over age.  My point is,  different age group has different stage of fear and worry.   I often believed the uncontrollable element of worries about age is quite unnecessary.  You cannot control time, but you can still control your health and to lesser extend, finance (because it is exhaustive unless everything becomes freebies).  

 

To overcome the above "fear", one need to accept the price of mortality, understand the meaning of transient materiality, and develop a strong sense of self-loved. Everything beyond all these 3 basic, are simply incentives one can do without instead of craving for it.