Wide Age Gap Relationship + R/ship Btw A Younger And Older Guy + Does Age Matters In A R/ship? (Compiled)

[toshi_elton]

pretty boy, i am actually a newbie here.... heehee well i am really flattered heehee

[toshi_elton]

can i ask, how many of you had bfs that are older or younger than you by at least 15 years?

[GachiMuchi]

My 1st bf is older than me, married but later found out that he is an asshole. We were together for 1yr+. Now not into older guys.

My 2nd is 5 yrs my junior and we were together for 2yrs+

My 3rd is 21 yrs my junior and we were together for 1.5 yrs

My current is 15 yrs my junior and still going on for about 2yrs now.

I won't mention those whom I only date (up to 1 yr), who are younger but have not considered as bf.

[crazygolfer]

can i ask, how many of you had bfs that are older or younger than you by at least 15 years?

My current one is about 15 years in age difference lah

[Guest Airen]

My current is 22 yrs younger than me, our relationship still strong after 5 yrs. :thumb:

[thaiboyz]

My current is 22 yrs younger than me, our relationship still strong after 5 yrs.  :thumb:

Wow, such a big age gap, can share how you guys cope ? You must be taking good care of him.

[Guest Airen]

Yup, although sometime we do bickle at each other, we usually hv the give n take atitude and thats very important in a LTR. He declared that he's the luckiest guy to find someone who reali care for him & give him support in watever he does. :thumb:

[Guest Storm]

" He declared that he's the luckiest guy to find someone who reali care for him & give him support in watever he does. "

Airen,just wonder how old u r & ur bf,i really dunno what u mean & refer by the words " support in watever he does ",if just cos u give & satisfied whatever he needed,i really " think " that " he's the luckiest guy " & really " belive " ur both relationship still strong after 5 yrs,however too bad this type of True relationship is not what i wanted & looking for,sad to say i not into tradement type.

True Love is grow together in Soul,body & mind,support each other needs not by just one sided,i always don't believe in age & the older must sure need to take care for the young,but one important thing,different people have their different type of " True Love ",so if u think that this is what u really looking for & happy about it,good for u & all the best

[Guest Storm]

Sorry,what i refer " support " r something deal with MONEY & MATRERIAL,frankly,my Lover treat me more important than himself,in order to make me happy,he can buy anything for me if i wan,he afraid to say anything that will hurt me or make me sad,whenever i say no he dun dare to say YES,but i never ask anything more than i shouuld.I told him b4,if he buy something expensive for me w/o telling me,though i know he want to give me surprise & i will appreciate,but i wont accept no matter what,cos he used to do that a few times.

Last Year we went to view one of the condo near TOWN,he knew that i like it alot & later he ask me to wait him at the car park first,i sense something wrong & quickly went to the show room again,i found out that he wanted to buy one of the unit that i told him,luckily i back to stop him & never wan to talk to him the whole noon,i know he love me alot but i dun wan myself to " get use " & treat it as a habbit & he must do that for me in the future,the next day,we went back again & buy one of the unit,but this time is using our both name & i paying too

ps : my Lover is slightly younger than me,we both just around 30,i always believe that True Love if built from material & money,i rather dont wan & i will lost confident on that,maybe that's my character & i am stubborn.

[thaiboyz]

It always seems to be a perception or make believe that the older guys would take the lead when deciding major matters, and that younger fellow would get materialistic advantages out from his older partners. These are just stereotypical cases and we all know that there is no clear line drawn between them to indicate who is the angel or devil. I believe that even there is a age gap of 20 years or more, as long as the two parties are working towards the same objectives, and they are both matured enough to commit and sincerely willing to share life with each other, age becomes just a figure. Of course things would not be that straight forward, if other factors such as appearance and financial status come into play. If the couple willing to cast out the look and perhaps create a monthly contribution for their routes ahead, wise enough to consider beyond the shallow and superficial factors, the difference in age would have minimal impact on their relationship.

[Guest airen]

I agree wif Thaiboyz's comments, Age gap doesn't reali matter in a true relationshp if the younger isn't materailistic n himself is financially stable. We need to compromise to make our eternal life happier and comfort each other in times of difficulties. That makes our relationship lasting. :thumb:

[Guest Guest]

" Age gap doesn't reali matter in a true relationshp if the younger isn't materailistic n himself is financially stable " .

True & i really agree that 100%, but how if not ? This is the fact that we need to face it but most of the old always like to give all sort excuse & deny the fact,the young also did the same cos most of the young never really have father love during their kid's time,i never say that old cant have youngster to have bf & to have real true relationship,however how true can it be,we can read from the newspaper that often those str guy with young wife,so to most people how at the end?

I not biased & mean at all,i know that i will offence alot of ppl as most ppl here r much older & mature people,some r even like youngster that can be their son,to me is just like incest,u can say me narrow minded or dunno what call Love

or even immature,but let see how long this type of " True Love " can last,maybe for the first few years.

ps : True Love are totally different from companionship,if people like to choose to be blind themself i just wish them Good Luck & hope this true love really will be with them forever

This is what i really hope,read below :

I really wan these type of couples prove me that i am wrong,though i keep saying that i dun trust & believe big gap age love,but i sincerely hope they have happy ending,i really like to know & hear more about couples in this circle find their true love deep in my hearts,is sad to be lonely when old,well no matter what,as long both r happy,treasure & appreaciate what the other party do for u,dun care & bother what people thinking,Love is between both of u,dun need to explain much & show other how lovely couple u both r,as long no regret,i wish all the couples in this circle all the best...

[thaiboyz]

" Age gap doesn't reali matter in a true relationshp if the younger isn't materailistic n himself is financially stable " .

True & i really agree that 100%, but how if not ? This is the fact that we need to face it but most of the old always like to give all sort excuse & deny the fact,the young also did the same cos most of the young never really have father love during their kid's time,i never say that old cant have youngster to have bf & to have real true relationship,however how true can it be,we can read from the newspaper that often those str guy with young wife,so to most people how at the end?

I not biased & mean at all,i know that i will offence alot of ppl as most ppl here r much older & mature people,some r even like youngster that can be their son,to me is just like incest,u can say me narrow minded or dunno what call Love

or even immature,but let see how long this type of " True Love " can last,maybe for the first few years.

ps : True Love are totally different from companionship,if people like to choose to be blind themself i just wish them Good Luck & hope this true love really will be with them forever

This is what i really hope,read below :

I really wan these type of couples prove me that i am wrong,though i keep saying that i dun trust & believe big gap age love,but i sincerely hope they have happy ending,i really like to know & hear more about couples in this circle find their true love deep in my hearts,is sad to be lonely when old,well no matter what,as long both r happy,treasure & appreaciate what the other party do for u,dun care & bother what people thinking,Love is between both of u,dun need to explain much & show other how lovely couple u both r,as long no regret,i wish all the couples in this circle all the best...

What is true love ? How one defines he is getting true love from his love one ? What is the difference between true love and companionship ? How does one know he is really getting into the core of a "real" relationship ? These are the questions revolving round and round here. We are aware love and chemistry between two persons is never easy. When opportunities arrive, who does not hope to cling on and yearn for happy ending ? Yet, we are bothered by generation gap factors. Consider an opportunity only come once in many years and after hundreds of attempts, would these two guys not quickly catch hold of their dreams ? Or they take a step back to scrutinise their age difference ? Of course, hurry into relationship take greater risks, but if the above scenario is true, the eagerness to tie the knot can be understood. As long as both parties willing to accept each other and mentally aware of their age gap, respecting the things to be done at their parnter's age group, the solution is clear enough to carry on the relationship. Though there have been many negative feedbacks and skeptical comments on this " Senior and Junior" love, the bottom line is very much depends on themselves to make it work. Good luck! :clap:

[toshi_elton]

i had the same line of tots as well, but if you look properly, Love ends, companionship would never end, it also love, but in a different form. If you ask an old couple who is like 50 years in marriage, they would not tell you that they love each other like 'true love' from the past but, there is always a reason why they stay with each other for so long...

[thaiboyz]

I should have added that only strong commited love will last, and during the days of togetherness, companionship developed. There are many similar cases of PLU's love which ended up towards companionship after going thru all the thicks and thins. Perhaps intimacy is no longer a primary factor between them and companionship becomes inevitable. I can understand when two guys vowed to grow old together, taking care of each other along their way and most importantly, knowing each other so well that no others can replace their companion. Truely respect them and salute their determinations.

[Buaya]

I think we can start a new topic, companionship vs. love vs. out of habit...

[TopChinese]

Sigh.. this discussions makes me very bitter about my recent breakup with my ex after 6 years together.. 4 years living together.

He's GWM, divorced with 2 kids, in his 50s when I'm in my late 20s. We are both financially stable tho he earns more than me. He claims that mentally he needed someone else more mature. My position is that relationships are hard work and he just gave up trying because its easier to find someone new. I moved out before Xmas and the new guy (a guy in his 50s my ex met 3 mths ago) move in 5 days later.

Feeling very bitter about it right now. Its so easy for GWM to find replacement. Some more, his comment makes me feel like I'm very immature, when I'm not. With this kind of mindset, how will I expect to meet anyone who is not going to use the age gap as an excuse to separate?

Juniors - how do you deal with this kind of comment from your senior?

[Guest Guest]

" Feeling very bitter about it right now. Its so easy for GWM to find replacement ".

Haha sorry,just have to say alot of chinese still dun like & wont attach with white,me is one of them,i dun even look at them or talk to them when those white approach me in TC or 17 Spa,nothing special about them,unless the white really fit charming & gd looking,then i will have sex & fxxk them deep hard but i wont keep in touch with them.

If old white sorry their chances to have sex with me is 100% 0,i am nt the type of guy into grandpa,happen afew times i just turn my head & walk away w/o looking back,i will only attach with chinese.

I think TopChinese,dun pull those Juniors in,they may not agree the statement u state here,when u decide to attach with white guys much older that can be ur dad or granpa,both party will need to prepare that one of the party will damp another just depends the time when.

When u both so call " still fall in love deep ",both will "cover the fact" for each other,however when time goes by & one party lost the innterest with another,all sort of reason & excuse will out from mouth " He claims that mentally he needed someone else more mature " etc,tot both should know long time ago the time will come & already prepare for it,i never surprise at all & maybe harsh to say that i dun feel sorry for this type of people.

ps : If both really Love deeply b4,then dun regret,if u love him still,u should happy that he find someone better than u & more suitable to be with him.Else how to believe that u u both are true love,it has been proven again all are bull shit,this type of big gap so call love relationship are too fragile & weak.

[toshi_elton]

wow, strong comments... but certainly there would be people who do not totally agree with you as well... aka, Me... I believe that no matter how far you are apart away you are from each other, it would not be a problem for most...

Topchinese, there are many things which you should look at this guy properly... this kinda of excuse would only mean that he is not really matured really... but totally, i think he is not suitable for you...

anyway, when my bf were to tell me this kinda stuff, i would just go off without thinking him, really...

[worldangel]

i had the same line of tots as well, but if you look properly, Love ends, companionship would never end, it also love, but in a different form. If you ask an old couple who is like 50 years in marriage, they would not tell you that they love each other like 'true love' from the past but, there is always a reason why they stay with each other for so long...

hmmm, for us as PLUs who have our steady bf, we can also practically celebrate: silver wedding - golden wedding - platinum wedding and diamond wedding anniversary ..... gosh, can we stay for so long ....

[Chubkido]

i had the same line of tots as well, but if you look properly, Love ends, companionship would never end, it also love, but in a different form. If you ask an old couple who is like 50 years in marriage, they would not tell you that they love each other like 'true love' from the past but, there is always a reason why they stay with each other for so long...

hmmm, for us as PLUs who have our steady bf, we can also practically celebrate: silver wedding - golden wedding - platinum wedding and diamond wedding anniversary ..... gosh, can we stay for so long ....

I doubt so.

[Guest Guest]

He's GWM, divorced with 2 kids, in his 50s when I'm in my late 20s. We are both financially stable tho he earns more than me. He claims that mentally he needed someone else more mature. My position is that relationships are hard work and he just gave up trying because its easier to find someone new. I moved out before Xmas and the new guy (a guy in his 50s my ex met 3 mths ago) move in 5 days later.

My guess would be you're the top and he's the bottom in bed. When he said he needed someone more matured, he probably meant he felt uneasy being screwed by a man almost as young as his kids. It was probably fun in the initial 4 years but when the excitement fizzled, he's probably looking for more care and someone to cuddle up to and be pampered when he's feeling pressures at work or life.

It's not easy to reveal his true feelings to a younger man so he probably chose someone more his age where he can be more intimate with other than just sex and fun.

[TopChinese]

Thanks for your comments... I appreciate your views.

I don't think its just a race thing. Sure enough, white guys here can be very popular. And yes a inter-racial relationship adds complications with cultural and racial differences. At the end of the day tho, we were just two men trying to figure out how to love one another. I guess he just stopped trying one day.

Besides, now that I'm single, I have to admit that occasionally, I find myself now itching for a nice older chinese/malay btm..

[thaiboyz]

For those seniors who are interested to get on a relationship with much younger guys, must be mentally prepared to be give, guide, lead and make him happy in many ways.

For those juniors who are keen to get attached to old matured men, must understand the difference interm of energy level, patience, tolerance and able to communicate at his level.

[worldangel]

When he said he needed someone more matured, he probably meant he felt uneasy being screwed by a man almost as young as his kids.

talking about this "someone more matured", I recalled that while chatted in IRC or replying to someone who put his personal ads “looking for matured guy” and the guy did not specify the range of age, then I've got always some negative replies (based on my past experience).

So, when I response to the ads and the replies always would be, oh you’ve got the wrong number or something like that and I would conclude as follows:

if the 20s say looking for matured guy, it means they are looking for the 30s

if the 30s say looking for matured guy, it means they are looking for the 40s-50s

if the 40s say looking for matured guy, it means they are looking for the 50s-60s

do you think so too ..??

[toshi_elton]

pls la... not all like that.... i like from 25-55 LOL!!

[thaiboyz]

Quote one case.

My friend who is mid 40's and his bf is early 20's, about 22 years age gap. One day, both of them went to view an Australian condo showroom. This stupid sale girl made a remarks that spoilt my friend's day. She has recommended an unit to my friend and said that it was ideal to have the unit near the U so that his son can conveniently go home after school. Gosh! BF becomes a son ? How would the senior feel ? Of course my friend and his bf smiled it off but it was a terrible feeling for my friend at that moment.

[GachiMuchi]

I don't think your friend should feel bad. The sale girl was not rude in anyway, the only problem for her was that she assume that the boy was his son.

When I was with my 3rd bf; we are 21 yrs apart. I had to introduce him as my godson, during CNY luncheon with my family.

The only awkward thing was for him to call my parents as "奶奶 & 爺爺" same as my nephews and nieces. hahaha. But he was game enough to play along and not feeling bad.

I am very aware of our age difference then, and accepted any comments as part and parcel of going out with someone younger. There is nothing to feel bad about.

We are still close after we parted ways, my family still asked about him during gatherings.

[crazygolfer]

My bf and I are 15 years apart and many times while golfing with him, many asked me whether I am teaching my son or god son playing golf, ....... gosh he is not son but my bf .......

[thaiboyz]

My bf and I are 15 years apart and many times while golfing with him, many asked me whether I am teaching my son or god son playing golf, ....... gosh he is not son but my bf ....... 

I think its depend on the receptive end. If one can accept it and move on, i guess should be ok. Just like the case when a very young girl with an old men, people will normally take a second look and even gossip behind their backs. As long as they can take it and ignore those gaypo remarks, their decision to be together should be respected.

[Guest Guess]

It's juz my luck .... I keep meeting this Ch 5 actor in the street -- Taka, Chinatown, City hall ..... and each time, he was with a different boy. The actor is neither good looking nor young, and those cutie boys are in their early 20's. Just wondering where his charm is and who're those boys --- his bf?, his fans? his whatever? and those boys are with him for love, money or something else big :whistle: (ahem) ..... ?

[chub77]

It's juz my luck .... I keep meeting this Ch 5 actor in the street -- Taka, Chinatown, City hall ..... and each time, he was with a different boy. The actor is neither good looking nor young, and those cutie boys are in their early 20's. Just wondering where his charm is and who're those boys --- his bf?, his fans? his whatever? and those boys are with him for love, money or something else big :whistle: (ahem) ..... ?

want to 'kaypo' a bit...... which Ch 5 actor?...

[Guest Guess]

Chubb77

I cannot publize here lar ... juz keep guessing. A brief description about him: He's a man. For those of us installed with gaydar will realise he's a "queen" :oops: although he played macho roles :hat: in the shows. He's not too tall, well-built. Look wise ... * cough * ... sorry no comments. Age wise .... * cough, cough * .... at least 38 or +++ more (can't really tell his age, I guess the face is botox'ed .... ).

That's what I can say .... by the way, back to the Topic: Senior & Junior or we will get bashing from the brothers and sisters here.

[thaiboyz]

Chubb77

I cannot publize here lar ... juz keep guessing. A brief description about him: He's a man.  For those of us installed with gaydar will realise he's a "queen"  :oops: although he played macho roles  :hat: in the shows.  He's not too tall, well-built.  Look wise ... * cough * ... sorry no comments.  Age wise .... * cough, cough * .... at least 38 or +++ more (can't really tell his age, I guess the face is botox'ed .... ).

That's what I can say .... by the way, back to the Topic: Senior & Junior or we will get bashing from the brothers and sisters here.

Hey, you are not off track. It is still involving senior and Junior except yours has involved a CH 5 actor. Talking about celebrties, i often heard about their things, but unsure the truth in these rumors. Well, they are human too.

[Chubkido]

Is he still in the show biz now?

[Guest Guess]

Cubkido - Yes, you still got to see his face on TV. :whistle:

[candlesg]

frankly,i don't think is nice for people to gossip here & there,i won't & never kiss & tell what ever i had with another or what i saw,unless u like people to do the same thing to u,spread around that u r bi or gay,even they r open in this cicle

[Guest Guess]

Candlesq, I fully agreed with you. That's why no name was mentioned and will not be mentioned. Please rest assure.

On the other hand, if any "so-called famous" personnel is afraid of people knowing his sexuality then he should continue to act macho in the public and not to "pick-chia" himself. If he chooses to be himself (or herself?) in the public, then any normal persons can talk about the "issue" just like we talk about the weather, the car COE, shopping discount ...... right ?

[crazygolfer]

My bf and I are 15 years apart and many times while golfing with him, many asked me whether I am teaching my son or god son playing golf, ....... gosh he is not son but my bf ....... 

I think its depend on the receptive end. If one can accept it and move on, i guess should be ok. Just like the case when a very young girl with an old men, people will normally take a second look and even gossip behind their backs. As long as they can take it and ignore those gaypo remarks, their decision to be together should be respected.

... Maybe other might think, this couple is 'sugar daddy' and 'sugar' son, but only PLUs would think this way

[skylancer]

I also got this exp b4... i still rememeber my ex and i were 27 yrs apart... haha

on that time is chrismas , having a dinner and dance night..

There are alot of gals invite me for dinner, and my face red also dont know why.. but lucky on that time they see me as his grandson... haha

After that, i still in his (my ex bf) house and have fun.. but that is a nice 1 i had.. as later on i know he was just a playboy...

[toshi_elton]

Imagine i was in my ex's house that time and then the neighbour was walking out of their apartment and i was smoking in the front porch... LOL after which i had to go in a shout Kor!! heehee they had never seen me around btw...

[Guest Guest]

I wonder if there's any senior who's bottom with a much younger top bf?

Will it work?

I'm bottom and had sort of dated a man almost 20years younger. It didn't last long. We enjoyed different subjects when we chatted. Worse of all when it came to sex. I didn't tell him I was bottom but it didn't take him long to finger me out. The first time sex was good and we both enjoyed.

The 2nd time was a disaster. I wasn't horny but he was horny as hell after a few drinks. He demanded sex and I sort of gave in without any foreplay. Not being as horny as the first time, I was only barely tolerating his dirty talks and his violent thrusts. He was only interested in getting his rocks off.

The 3rd time, he apologised and we had making up sex Somehow the fun was not the same as the first time when we were exploring our mysterious sides. He'll automatically dominate and I'll automatically submit. I liked the lights dimmed, he liked it bright. You guessed it, we did it in bright lights. I preferred to do it away from the mirror, he liked to see our actions. It's not quite right when you see in the mirror a younger man riding you doggy and playfully slapping your buttocks. It turned me off but it turned him on.

The next date, I told him it's not working for me. We talked. I don't need as much as sex as he would. I needed a longer time to get myself hard. He said he was sorry for being rough in bed last time. But he thought he'll still repect me even though I was the bottom in the relationship. I didn't believe him. No matter what he said, we'll never be equal in bed. After that his behaviour out of bed would always reflect the dirty things he uttered in bed.

[thaiboyz]

I wonder if there's any senior who's bottom with a much younger top bf?

Will it work?

I'm bottom and had sort of dated a man almost 20years younger. It didn't last long. We enjoyed different subjects when we chatted. Worse of all when it came to sex. I didn't tell him I was bottom but it didn't take him long to finger me out. The first time sex was good and we both enjoyed.

The 2nd time was a disaster. I wasn't horny but he was horny as hell after a few drinks. He demanded sex and I sort of gave in without any foreplay. Not being as horny as the first time, I was only barely tolerating his dirty talks and his violent thrusts. He was only interested in getting his rocks off.

The 3rd time, he apologised and we had making up sex Somehow the fun was not the same as the first time when we were exploring our mysterious sides. He'll automatically dominate and I'll automatically submit. I liked the lights dimmed, he liked it bright. You guessed it, we did it in bright lights. I preferred to do it away from the mirror, he liked to see our actions. It's not quite right when you see in the mirror a younger man riding you doggy and playfully slapping your buttocks. It turned me off but it turned him on.

The next date, I told him it's not working for me. We talked. I don't need as much as sex as he would. I needed a longer time to get myself hard. He said he was sorry for being rough in bed last time. But he thought he'll still repect me even though I was the bottom in the relationship. I didn't believe him. No matter what he said, we'll never be equal in bed. After that his behaviour out of bed would always reflect the dirty things he uttered in bed.

My heart goes out to your encounter. I can understand your feelings and the things you have gone thru. Nevertheless, dun ever give up. Keeping your confidence and you might get someone who understand you better, regardless of age and sexual preference. I too agreed that younger persons have more stamina in bed and other daily activities. Being a younger lover, one should respect his partner and also his needs. However, i encountered the other way round, the older ones demand more, and even rougher than the younger can expect So i believe its not the matter of age but again its individual preference. Compromise must set in, and open communication must be there to discuss issues between you guys. Let him know your preference and your short comings, and ask for his as well, then discuss the issues in each other's arms. If there is love, these things should be able to solve.

[GachiMuchi]

Did I mentioned that I had a relationship where my bf is about 21 yrs my junior and a current relationship which has a 15yrs age gap?

Oops...too much info.

[reflection]

Finally, I see rainbow after storm.

I believe there are members here who are involved in a relationship with an age gap difference of > 10, 15 or even 20 years old. The experience that Guest has gone through is in fact the main worry some older men are afraid to be attached with a young lover because the young lover like a babe is still exploring gay life and most important his libido is often high and an older partner may not be able to satisfy the young one.

Guest is 53 and bf is 34, which means age difference of almost 20. An older partner must understand his own physical, psychological and sexual condition compared with a young partner, apart from different personalities and character.

Of course, age difference should not be a stumbling block if there is love. When there is love, there is hurts.

From Guest' scenario, assuming that Guest is monogamous, in order to salvage this relationship and protect himself:

- guest has to give way for young bf to have an open relationship

- guest has to have protected sex with this young bf since nobody is sure if young bf is practising safe sex or not

- I am not sure of the use of Viagra or Cialis if his bf is someone who likes to have sex with New guys, which means guest is not the motive for him to cruise around

The question is, "Does Guest has a magnanimous heart to tolerate the young bf for his unfaithfulness ?" - only Guest has the answer. And if he has, how long can he tolerate?

[Guest Guest_cw30]

you can visit http://www.oogachaga.com/

you can understand other ppl advice doesnt mean ur bf will understand. we are in no position of how your bf perceive the r/s with you.

The best is to pick up your courage, sit down and talk with him on this issue. Just copy this page to your bf and expected him to read and appreciate it doesnt make things better.

[Guest Itchy]

I had a fling with someone who's in a relationship with a guy 10 yrs his senior. He was very honest to me about him lying to his bf all the time when he goes have sex with his other flings. for instance, he wld hook up with his straight married colleague for a lunch time fcuk at the hotel and go for weekend getaway at Batam with his next fling. he claims that there's no more love between he and his bf but they share the same queen size bed.

so when i queried him why is he doing this, he wld always replied that he's doing out of pity for his older bf and also after all these years, it's kind of a "used-to-liao" feel. But there was once when he had a slipped of tongue and said that when he found someone more suitable and richer, he'd leave his current bf of 10 years.

To me, tat's digusting but also, that's life! after all these years of my own relationships and seeing other's relationships, you kind of can see a recurring pattern. Getting into a long term relationship is not and cannot just feed itself purely on love. many a times, the using and abusing factor has to be clear and it almost has to function in a very mechanical process so that the relationship can last. One may say that one party almost has to be the more giving one and the other the receiving one (younger one usually).

[Guest Guest]

I'm heartened by all you gents out there giving me consolation and "breathing air".

After reading diiferent views, i found myself still not able to accept gay-life which i (fortunately or unfortunately) cultivated after my divorce 13 years ago. I'm the monogamous sort, so i wont remarry again after a failure (one-man-wowan type of man). It is true that there is no a perfect right or wrong. Thats why i see nothing wrong with being possessive (though not to the extreme). BTW, one of the complaint that my ex-wife said of me is that i'm a male chauvalist (oop! wrong spelling?). So this is one of the fault lines in me like anyone else. Sigh! I probably have too high expectation from my close/love ones. Should let the bird go free... and myself too. I'm actually hurting myself in setting standards. To make changes for the better, i guessed i'll have to be promiscuous too. Then again, if my bf love me, i'll feel sorry for him bcos i cant keep myself for him anymore. I maybe besiege with lots of love (and lust that come along with it). So it will be earilier for me to let go him. I'm sure i can find better bf somewhere in the wilderness.

I really envy you guys being able to accept promiscuousity so freely. I'm too discreet for my own liking and defintely not vain. Yes, i just have to chart my own destiny and follow my heart (and dickhead too).

Please fellow BWers, keep on writing. I need a listening ear. Good day.

???????????????????.

[Guest Guest]

To hell with relationship. I'll also cppy this page for him to read to be fair with him. I wont do things behind his back like he did to me. I want an open relationship as best as can be.

BTW, those who like the looks of Ken Watanabe can post here too.

Pls dont ask me why? The answer is quite obvious.

It's difficult to give advice as every man and his emotion, hangups, value and etc is different.

Based on what you described, the generation gaps is not the main issue and the crux of the matter is the faithfulness of your bf. Generation gap is more of different life experience which form your train of thought. The expectations and feeling towards life at your age is obviously different from your bf at 34 and thus the value and thoughts on any matters might be different.

Now, faithfulness cut across all ages regardless. A mature or old man can be as slutty and unfaithfull or even more so than a younger man.

Ofcourse all men would be jealous and hurt if his lover has sex with other man. Most do during the 'honeymoon' period of the relationiship. But then again the degree of hurt diminishes with time and depending on your emotional attactment to your bf. There will still be certain degree of jealousy even to those in an open relationship if not what the hell are they still together.

You see, both partners grow differently in the relationship. Your feeling and your bf feeling to each other are different, it may be 'love' in the beginning and gradually it becomes soulmate or companion or just bf. Most stay together because its not easy to start another relationship all over again.

Obviously your bf has moved on because of his emotional and sexual needs which he wanted more from your relationship. Most would prefer not to know about his bf adventure for the very reasons you wrote in here.

You would do the same given the temptation and opportunity to have sex with someone else. Your bf just have more opportunities and act out more. I doubt you can change him or even yourself.

Only you can find out your bf's problems or reasons to still stick with you even though he has plenty of chances to have another ltr.

Breaking up is hard to do and finding another likeminded soulmate is even harder. Many can handle STR, short term relationship while holding on to his LTR partner. You know what I mean. Not all men are like that, that's why there is pain and adjustment.

[reflection]

I'm heartened by all you gents out there giving me consolation and "breathing air".

After reading diiferent views, i found myself still not able to accept gay-life which i (fortunately or unfortunately) cultivated after my divorce 13 years ago. I'm the monogamous sort, so i wont remarry again after a failure (one-man-wowan type of man). It is true that there is no a? perfect right or wrong. Thats why i see nothing wrong with being possessive (though not to the extreme). BTW, one of the complaint that my ex-wife said of me is that i'm a male chauvalist (oop! wrong spelling?). So this is one of the fault lines in me like anyone else. Sigh! I probably have too high expectation from my close/love ones. Should let the bird go free... and myself too. I'm actually hurting myself in setting standards. To make changes for the better, i guessed i'll have to be promiscuous too. Then again, if my bf love me, i'll feel sorry for him bcos i cant keep myself for him anymore. I maybe besiege with lots of love (and lust that come along with it). So it will be earilier for me to let go him. I'm sure i can find better bf somewhere in the wilderness.

I really envy you guys being able to accept promiscuousity so freely. I'm too discreet for my own liking and defintely not vain. Yes, i just have to chart my own destiny and follow my heart (and dickhead too).

Please fellow BWers, keep on writing. I need a listening ear. Good day.? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

???????????????????.

Dear Chauvinistic Guest,

My ex-bf ever said that I possess bits of chauvinism and I thought it was a flattery. The misunderstanding I found was his own inferiority complex because of low education background.

First, you are man enough to confess your chauvinism which means a man who believes in the innate superiority of men over other men. This superiority complex may be a result of a chauvinistic culture like Japan, Korea and China.

Some men like chauvinistic men, at least I know of few guys who get used to the verbal and even physical abuse of their chauvinistic bf. Chauvinism to me is a form of advantage over another man resulting from

- higher intellectuality

- higher income power

- higher physical power

coupled with a condescending attitude, usually demanding and unreasonable at times.

In other words, there is an imbalance of power in a relationship where one egoistic man exerts his influence over another disadvantaged man.

Perhaps it is this chauvinism which your young bf cannot tolerate any more and it is the reason for him to slut around as a form of rebellion. Just a hypothesis.

Perhaps the problem lies with you - if you can mellow down your chauvinism, he may like to spend more time with you.

Personally I dont like chauvinism and I prefer mutual respect rather than talking down on someone.