Jump to content
Male HQ

Relationship without sex + I Don't Have Sex With My Bf For Many Months, How to Improve? (compiled)


Recommended Posts

Have been attached for a year and recently, sexual activities have reduced.. Yap, we havent had sex for a month..

Well, relationship is not all abt sex.. and i am wondering if he has 'grown tired' of me. We still cuddle, hug, kiss and quarrel, though. Moreover, i dont think he is seeing anyone else.

Having entered the 'PLU world' for 2 years, he has been the kindest to me and this is the longest relationship (1yr) i have ever experienced...

I wonder if any couples out there or any seniors experienced this as well.... where sex thinned out... and if i should do anything to it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From my LTR experience, there could be many reasons for a reduction in sex life. I remembered having sex 3-4 times per week in the beginning. Over the years, sex steadies at 3 times a week when I was in my mid 30s. Some of reasons could be:

- fatigue from work

- lack of rest/sleep

- one partner is having sex elsewhere

- unresolved issues (resulting in anger, frustrations, etc) between the couple

- loss of libido caused by ageing or other medical problems like diabetes, heart problem, etc

- etc

Then again we must look at the age of the couple, I mean elderly couples will likely to have less sex though there are always exceptions for hypersex old men.

One way of improving sex life is to travel to a new place or get some sexy underwear.......at least this works for us

But even as a single now, I can still cum 3x (DIY) per week but somehow I can control to wkly or more

Edited by Ferrari

I bite if you are cocky, sarcastic, foolish or ask for it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Andy,

I think the "seven year itch" term has some truth in it. But from observation of my and others ltr, it seems to me like there are 3 major hurdles:

about 3 years - sex becomes boring, couples start to "tow chiak", just to get sexual fulfillment. Usually each doesn't want another relationship, but it is just the physical need for more exciting sex.

about 7 years - One or both tends to meet someone else, maybe a brief "romance" is sparked. It is now no longer just sexual, but becomes emotional....far more dangerous than sexual flings. This is the most most difficult crisis, if the couple can get over this one, then it is good news.

about 14 years - If the couple is still together they start being open to 3rd parties. This is because their emotional bond is already so strong, both are so comfortable with each other, and neither of them wants to go through the pains of a new relationship. This is when you start to see "young puppies" being adopted by the couple.

The above is only my experience / observation. Your mileage may vary.

SP

We see things not as they are, but as WE are - The Talmud

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear - The Buddha

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sex is a very powerful bond. Don't say less sex also never mind.

I know a couple B and T who separated after 10 years together. At first B thought less sex was because T was reaching 50yo. So a year passed. Then suddenly T said he wanted separation because he found a new bf. B was devastated. T was always so kind and caring. But he blessed them anyway.

It was years later then we found out the real reason. T was the top and dominating partner. When he felt he was no longer able to fxxk well as a top, he started having less sex with B. Then one day he met Y and allowed himself to be fxxked by Y and felt great that now he enjoyed sex so much after all these years.

He started thinking about Y all the time and felt he had to move fast before Y meet someoneelse. So he decided to give up B. He knew he was heartless after more than 10years together. But without much sex, B seemed like only a good friend to him. When he sees Y, he felt excited. The way Y took command of his tired body and do things to him that he was afraid to do before but now he is giving it all to Y. He only need to enjoy being passive and see that sex hungry look in Y's eyes makes him feel so wanted.

It is not true that -

"This is because their emotional bond is already so strong, both are so comfortable with each other, and neither of them wants to go through the pains of a new relationship."

We all know that for wanting to have great sex, gays do even the most dangerous things and not afraid of being caught and losing everything. So you really need to explore about rekindling your sex life at least until you are sure he is satisfied. Is he? You should know right? If not, then you really don't have a very strong bond actually.

Accepting a 3rd party will only make your relationship expendable till the right one comes along.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest 2 bits
Hey guys,

Thanks for the insights! :) Would explore the suggestions provided.

And, I guess i would need to chat with him alittle too..

Yeah, good idea to have a talk Andy. Hope it turns out ok cos have always enjoyed your posts and find you are more then willing to help a fellow BW'er.

Just to share my experience, after a while my guy and I did not have as much sex too. I think it was cos we are not sexually compatible. He is a top and I think I am a closet top. :-) Anyway, that did not do much harm to our relationship. We spent a lot of time together still, eat together, cook together, do washing up together, sometimes spent time together overnight. We would also go shopping together and sometimes, we would watch tv together and sort of give each other slow massages while paying half attention to what was playing on the tele. We are definitely emotionally and mentally compatible. And to us, and I suspect the same in a straight world, less than 100 percent is more than acceptable. Dont know if this is your situation.

Anyway, best of luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The marriage between love and sex needs balance. Question is, which comes first - the chicken or the egg? For a relationship that has worked, it takes a bigger understanding when sex becomes stalemate - you want, he doesn't; he wants, you don't. As sex isn't about procreation to us, it makes it 'confusing' - where do we draw our sexual desires with any emotional feelings? Sex, naturally, that started hot and fiery and, to some extent, planted the key element towards self-esteem - plays, at a later stage, a role in how we feel about sex and how we want to handle the relationship.

Sure, there'll be reasons and we can come up with [insecured] concortion of sorts to justify. We would, and some would undeniably, equate it with [wrong] techniques [timing/position/gadgets etc]. Communication is, and also be, another big issue. When we don't learn how to talk in a way so our partner can hear and understand us, a drift is inevitable.

Gather all your thoughts, Andy for you have all the answers actually:

Well, relationship is not all abt sex
he has been the kindest
i would need to chat with him

You just need to open up to him - and it is not about 'what is wrong with you' nor 'what is wrong with me'. When you honour the love between the two of you, this 'problem' - which is basically an emotional misunderstanding - will strike with a balance and strengthen with passion and energy. Do not throw away what you have already owned just because a part of it is missing.

Click Here To Visit My Blog @ "The Blessed Life"

*Let me live my life to be an instrument of 'Love', in how I speak and in how I see others*

- May there be Love and Peace beyond all understanding -

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everyone has their own sexual needs. Going without sex for a month can put a considerable strain on a person especially if they are young. And that means you, Andy. You need to take action fast. A good but difficult start would be to sit down and have a good talk. Ah, on second thought maybe dont make it so formal. Ideally, you should seize an appropriate time when both of you are at your most relaxed mood, when you guys are cuddling or something, then very gently proach the subject. I suspect that as a person gets older, their libido might diminish somewhat. But to keep a relationship alive, sex has to be part of the equation. The fact that you are bringing this delicate subject up means that its troubling you. Good luck, Andy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks again.

Would try walking ard in undies with an erected tool before the 'chat' and see wat happens.

TA, when i am no longer in demand among the elders.. then would i have to reconsider my preferences.. hehe. or maybe u would be kind enough to lent ur tight ass to me?? :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

try to put it mild to him. it might sound insulting and add more stress. if you really love him, try to work things out with him. also one thing, you must catch the right moment to ask for sex. dun ask for sex all the time, it may give him the impression you are into just sex and can be a turn off.

you may need to understand that you are younger and would like to have sex more often. like i say, catch him at the right moment. like a mid of the day would be good. please do not ask for sex when it is late at night and everyone have to work the next day.

Edited by happy.99
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A wise mature guy friend once answer my same queries as yours and i think he hits it right in the nail.

He says when one got use to have multiple or random sexual partners when they r single ala Samantha Jones, once they got seriously attached, they might face the same problems as yours after a while, although not seeing anyone else but in their mind they already wants it and starts to fantasized or missing the old times doing it with other people. I know, a lots of ppl wont admit this, coz it equivalent to admiting they r sluts.

Some might suggest to try to spice it up, but i think it wont work either, cos its the same person afterall that u got bored with sexually. unless the idea of spicing things up r 3some.

Talk things up and open up to each other also wont work, coz something like this is just taboo to talk abt in a relationship. unless u r sure both party have the same thinking with each other.

Volunteering for the underwear association for third world countries. Please donate your used underwear to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest -senior-
A wise mature guy friend once answer my same queries as yours and i think he hits it right in the nail.

He says when one got use to have multiple or random sexual partners when they r single ala Samantha Jones, once they got seriously attached, they might face the same problems as yours after a while, although not seeing anyone else but in their mind they already wants it and starts to fantasized or missing the old times doing it with other people. I know, a lots of ppl wont admit this, coz it equivalent to admiting they r sluts.

Some might suggest to try to spice it up, but i think it wont work either, cos its the same person afterall that u got bored with sexually. unless the idea of spicing things up r 3some.

Talk things up and open up to each other also wont work, coz something like this is just taboo to talk abt in a relationship. unless u r sure both party have the same thinking with each other.

This won't work, that won't work, then what is your advice?

Are you suggesting a breakoff?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This won't work, that won't work, then what is your advice?

Are you suggesting a breakoff?

No, my advise is they live happily ever after in a land far far away... what do u think?

Anyway, what i wrote is just another reason that might causes it, it might not be what happen in their cases. Sorry if its not helping, i just thought something is better to left unsaid that will hurt each other feeling rather than being open to each other. Imagine your bf tell u u r not turning him on anymore.... it will be a skidmark....

Edited by imchaser

Volunteering for the underwear association for third world countries. Please donate your used underwear to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

i wonder if our parents wanna broke off a relationship due to bad sex? u need not have good sex to have a baby to give birth to us but how they endure bad sex all these years to stay together till now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

let me share something from one of my straight friend. he is married. when his wife is not around in singapore, he goes geyland and find his exciting afventure there. he told me when he had sex with the pros, it is more exciting than doing with his wife. only when his wife ask for sex, then they do it. or else he dun even want to do it. sounds scary?? he just say that doing it with the same person gets broing as days goes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest not easy

Its not easy to be monogamous. Its not easy to have sex with one person all your life and not get bored. Even if u truly love that person, it is hard not to stray once in a while. Men will always be men....str8, bi or gay...I think we are built differently from women...we tend to want to sow our seeds more widely.

Not all will agree with me, but I am speaking about what I really feel. Yes, sure, there will be some men who can be monogamously coupled and never think about having fun outside the r/s...but then again, these are the few men who are wired more like women maybe?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i cant recall where i read this theory, the theory said men are meant to be polygamy, so that men can produce more offspring to populate the land (not really applies to us right?) hence we find sex of an exciting event, rather than fullfiling a certain responsibility.

Andy, what happened to you is not uncommon, in both PLU and str8 relationship. basically the initial honeymoon period has ended, the used to be 3 to 4 times sex per week has lost its appeal. Things become a habit.

Now like what iku has said, open up and communicate. he could be feeling tired, or going through a phase of his life that he dont want sex.

Same time, you can try out things to boost your sex life, eg sexy undies, fundoshi, leather etc. If you 2 are sleeping together, request to sleep in nude (now it summer there right? perfect time)

:thumb: When I Think It, I Do It, I Win It! :thumb:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe the excitement always at the initial stage....just like children excited over their new toys. We all know that everything will cool down after the honey moon period and obviously the sexual part will be getting less exciting and perhaps boring. Its true to mention that the frequency might keep reducing till there is totally no sex at all. Things would be even worse off when two persons are not staying together, and excuses can be easily made to side track to flirting with others. Seems like monogamy is hard to keep and house rules are hard to follow. Well, one way is to be prepared for such thing and focused more on other aspects of a relationship. Sex, no doubt, is an important part of a relationship but it should not be a reason for break up.Learn to compromise and maybe need to close two eyes if you are still keen to carry on with him. Perhaps expect more on other things and reduce the expectation on sex. :rolleyes:

Edited by thaiboyz
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I brought up the issue to him.., in a subtle manner.. (i read from the advises that this would be important, but i guess one would have to find their own 'subtle ways' to their situation).

This might bore u all... but i kind of check him out in a 'dreamy manner'.. It was bedtime and We were already lying down on the bed for an hour when i asked him as if i were having a dream: ' we dont seems to be doing it recently...' and he responded...

well, it was fatigue from work..i guess it was not just not abt his age, i was also tired when he needed it.

Thanks all!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 years later...

I never had any oral or anal sex with my BF and our relationship had been through slightly more than a year so i think its fine too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

I never had any oral or anal sex with my BF and our relationship had been through slightly more than a year so i think its fine too.

 

Then who do you and your bf have sex with?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

If it's something you both are completely agreeable with, then I don't see anything wrong with it. After all, sex is definitely not the only pillar in a relationship. If sex is the only main driving force in a relationship, I can't imagine what the world would be like now. Because relationships are definitely so, so much more than simply sex only.

If not, then have a heart-to-heart talk with him nicely. Be sincere and gentle. 

 

This matter is not something we can really advise you on. We don't know how your relationship is like exactly. There are no 2 same relationships. We don't have the right to say much here. 

 

It shows that you are in it for the sex. so you don't love your bf?

 

So no sex, no relationship?

 

this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

OMG! I cannot believe how many here would actually advise this poor chap that no sex is ok! Only Abang is realistic. No sex means no future for a couple, pure and simple, no ifs and buts, a clear sign that your relationship with him is not going to last.

If it is only temporary because one of you is sick, and sex resumes, then there is still hope. If both are still sexually capable and just not keen on having sex with each other, then you better reassess what is best for you and for him!

I have been married for over 30 years and we still have fairly active sex every week........if we are away from each other for a month or two, the first thing we do when we meet is to fuck, once in the morning and then again at night. Not bragging or anything like that here, but sex is so so important in a relationship, so don't kid yourself that it is ok to turn off sex in your relationship.

Yes, I am married and yes I have been playing both teams. And no, I didn't tell her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest guest

if no sex with bf , i will look for sex at the sauna and if happen to meet a new prince charming  will definitely dump the present one.. so sex is impt in a gay relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest sex maniac

Lets be brutal with the truth. Your bf is waiting for you to dump him since he cannot bring himself to dump you first. Dump or be dumped. There is no need to talk about it. The writing is on the wall.

Love is associated with sex in any couple relationship especially for g-couple. For str8 couple, normally eg...the kids took away each other time..or your wife pussy has gotten too loose for pleasure after bearing kids, etc.

 

If there is no sex between both of you, surely both of us will seek it elsewhere. Then love will develop elsewhere.

I am sure if your bf love truly you, he will do his "duty" to relief you of stress through sex. He himself dont have to enjoy it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

OMG! I cannot believe how many here would actually advise this poor chap that no sex is ok! Only Abang is realistic. No sex means no future for a couple, pure and simple, no ifs and buts, a clear sign that your relationship with him is not going to last.

If it is only temporary because one of you is sick, and sex resumes, then there is still hope. If both are still sexually capable and just not keen on having sex with each other, then you better reassess what is best for you and for him!

I have been married for over 30 years and we still have fairly active sex every week........if we are away from each other for a month or two, the first thing we do when we meet is to fuck, once in the morning and then again at night. Not bragging or anything like that here, but sex is so so important in a relationship, so don't kid yourself that it is ok to turn off sex in your relationship.

Yes, I am married and yes I have been playing both teams. And no, I didn't tell her.

Yes. Sex is very important and I can see you fucking an old sagging woman

/man with your half erected cock in no time ......pathetic .....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then who do you and your bf have sex with?

Anal and oral sex is not needed for me as i feel them dirty and disgusting. Many straight people also think this way although i am not straight. To be able and touch and being touch by BF is more than enough for me.

 

I know many straight or gay people need to always have sex to live so during starting of my relationship i clearly state that i will never ever want to have anal or bj and give him my reason. I believe people like me or those who is willing to accommodate me still exist in this world.

 

To be able to continue a long lasting relationship, both of us are always truthful to each other, share our happiness and sadness and all other feelings etc. Planning our future together. Always hold hands and go dating together. To be extremely serious in our relationship. Put in effort to make each other happy. Give each other individual own space time. Do not pick on small things.

All this is the most important things in a relationship and not sex.

 

In my one year plus relationship with my BF, we had never even quarrel once. Both of us are still extremely happy with each other and we have confidence that our relationship can last till death.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anal and oral sex is not needed for me as i feel them dirty and disgusting. Many straight people also think this way although i am not straight. To be able and touch and being touch by BF is more than enough for me.

 

I know many straight or gay people need to always have sex to live so during starting of my relationship i clearly state that i will never ever want to have anal or bj and give him my reason. I believe people like me or those who is willing to accommodate me still exist in this world.

 

To be able to continue a long lasting relationship, both of us are always truthful to each other, share our happiness and sadness and all other feelings etc. Planning our future together. Always hold hands and go dating together. To be extremely serious in our relationship. Put in effort to make each other happy. Give each other individual own space time. Do not pick on small things.

All this is the most important things in a relationship and not sex.

 

In my one year plus relationship with my BF, we had never even quarrel once. Both of us are still extremely happy with each other and we have confidence that our relationship can last till death.

Hello Yoyo74,

 

Like you, I believed in what you and your BF are doing.. in a relationship, you don't have to lead a colourful or doing kinky things to each other to keep it going..though both must have the same wave length in thinking likewise..

 

However, seems like not many of your cases in this gay way of life.. sigh..

 

Wishing you and BF many many good years ahead :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lets be brutal with the truth. Your bf is waiting for you to dump him since he cannot bring himself to dump you first. Dump or be dumped. There is no need to talk about it. The writing is on the wall.

Love is associated with sex in any couple relationship especially for g-couple. For str8 couple, normally eg...the kids took away each other time..or your wife pussy has gotten too loose for pleasure after bearing kids, etc.

 

If there is no sex between both of you, surely both of us will seek it elsewhere. Then love will develop elsewhere.

I am sure if your bf love truly you, he will do his "duty" to relief you of stress through sex. He himself dont have to enjoy it.

 

 

I think that's harsh. Turned out my ex wasn't cheating on me, for years. But was a bigger issue. To not talk about it is to potential throw away a relationship that otherwise might be very fulfilling.

 

There's no difference between sexual needs/desires in gays/str8's - saying that just make more issues for everyone. Sex is sex. Love is love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest speakup

People usually have the urge on sex & feel wanted by the other parties. If both parties does not have the urge to have sex occasionally, then I believe the attraction between is no longer there.

 

I think the couple should have serious & honest "man-to-man" talk on this sex issue. If either one is not satisfy on sex, he must speak up & look for other alternative (open relationship or break up to look for other love).

 

Be honest. Be real.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

Maybe your bf is sick/ has some personal issues or troubles?
Talk to him heart-to-heart and don't jump to conclusions too soon!!

Yes, while it is true that sex can be really really great in a relationship, you can't build a relationship solely based on sex. A relationship is really much more than just sex. It's about sacrifice, honesty, patience, commitment, faith, love. Sex is not a pillar that can last forever. The feelings must be there. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Yoyo74,

 

Like you, I believed in what you and your BF are doing.. in a relationship, you don't have to lead a colourful or doing kinky things to each other to keep it going..though both must have the same wave length in thinking likewise..

 

However, seems like not many of your cases in this gay way of life.. sigh..

 

Wishing you and BF many many good years ahead :)

 

Thanks for your blessings. Many of my gay friends told me that my idea of no sex relationship is impossible but i showed them the impossible by getting a BF and stay on this relationship for more than a year until now and still going good.

 

I will show the world that gay relationship is workable!!!

I will show the world that love without sex is workable!!!

I will show the world that a big gap in age difference(for us is 12 years) is workable!!!

 

Fate seem to have brought us together as our english and chinese horoscope are the same.

Me and my BF will be walking holding hands to this coming pink dot. Hope all of you will be brave to get a BF for a long lasting love!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest lovebird

When u love him, u will want intimacy with him. I went to sauna but never got hard with any guy there, i guess bcoz i had no feeling towards strangers. But i have no problem with my bf in bed.

If i don‘t get to see my bf more than a week, i will get very depressed. Once we see each other we cannot wait to hold each other and have sex. Btw, we have been together for 20 years. yes, love will lead to urge for sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • G_M changed the title to Relationship without sex + I Don't Have Sex With My Bf For Many Months, How to Improve? (compiled)
  • Guest locked this topic
Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...