Jake.Roxas Posted November 11, 2014 Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 If you are not 'Out' yet, we want to know the reason why. How long will you keep it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post iamziz Posted November 11, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) Sometime such questions YOU want to know the answers - not WE - could cause emotional disturbances. People are already struggling not to be out for whatever reasons they have and often they don't want to talk about it. But asking such questions will/could bring back unpleasant memories these people faced. Instead of asking WHY and HOW long, perhaps we could do better in helping these people in their struggles. Being out is nice but not necessary. And those who are out and comfortable, shouldn't impose on those who are still in the closet. Just my 2cents. Edited November 12, 2014 by iamziz Jonathan_Horny_sexy btm, tic-toc, Behrhunter and 2 others 5 Quote ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 善待对人。麻烦用英文来表达信息。不是每个人都会看的懂中文 。| “People need to learn the art of making an argument. Often there is no right or wrong. It's just your opinion vs someone else's opinion. How you deliver that opinion could make the difference between opening a mind, changing an opinion or shutting the door. Sometimes folk just don't know when they've "argued" enough. Learn when to shut up." ― J'son M. Lee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wozzit Posted November 11, 2014 Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 There are dozens of reasons why guys - and girls - decide not to come out. Each faces a different set of circumstances. Each has to make a very personal decision. Frankly, it's not anyone else's business.And who are the "we" you refer to? What is it to "you" if someone is out or not? What right might "you" have to imply "keeping it up" is a bad thing? tic-toc 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upshot Posted November 11, 2014 Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) If you are not 'Out' yet, we want to know the reason why. How long will you keep it? Tell us WHO is this "WE" that want to know? And what is it to you that we have to tell you why and how long? Not exactly a very conversational exchange tone you are taking on this issue. Edited November 11, 2014 by upshot Quote ** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dong Posted November 11, 2014 Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 Thread Starter is a troll la. Always start such threads with fake ang mo names. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I'm afraid more rejections would happen if I'll chooss to out. Though Gay rights has improved recently, i think the world is still not fair to PLU. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Good to have this topic. I also want to know because I want to relate. I can't be out because of my family who are too conservative and having a father who is in the army, it is really not an option for me to be out for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 If you are not 'Out' yet, we want to know the reason why. How long will you keep it?None of your fucking business! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wozzit Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I can't be out because of my family who are too conservative and having a father who is in the army, it is really not an option for me to be out for now.Surely this is the main reason why most younger guys are 'afraid' to come out: concern about the reaction not just of parents but the extended family? But the chances r u will have to face the issue sometime in the future. Pressure will eventually grow with constant questions about girlfriends n marriage. For some years, these can be deflected. "Not ready. Want to concentrate first on getting n working at a good job to make money. etc."Even if u move to ur own place, these questions will not go away. Eventually they will be replaced by suspicion n gossip? "Do you think he's gay? Have u seen him with other boys?" By that time u need a different set of answers - n they r more difficult to fabricate. So my advice wld be this. There is no problem in not coming out when u know u r gay. But ALWAYS hv a good answer prepared in advance for when someone asks u the inevitable question. Making one up on the spot may give the game away.But also realise that if you show no desire to hv girlfriends n no plans to get married, usually someone in the family will have worked out that u r in fact gay. I'd try to find someone in the family who is close to u, mabe an uncle or aunt, who can help first to guard the secret n then to help prepare ur other relatives when u decide u want to come out.Hope this helps. Puffypuff 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Angel Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 This is quite interesting. As a Bi, i don't think i need to be outed as I have the best of both worlds.I also think that some of the commenters don't understand the question and prefers to hate the topic and/or the one who started the thread. The topic is actually a good one for some gays who can relate or who want to understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheVisitors Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 This is quite interesting. As a Bi, i don't think i need to be outed as I have the best of both worlds.I also think that some of the commenters don't understand the question and prefers to hate the topic and/or the one who started the thread. The topic is actually a good one for some gays who can relate or who want to understand.It is a stupid thread 1) who is ' We " in the first place.? He doesn't represent all of us, neither are we interested whose in or whose out 2) If he is so God Damn proud of being out, then why don't he show us and the rest of the God damn World, his God Damn Face here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xLeviathan Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I think we should all prepare some form of back up plan if we're coming out to our parents (in case we get kicked out lol)At least I am. AlternatePetra and Gray32 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeD Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I dont need to come out or let ppls know about it. Its my life after all, i dont care what ppls might thik or gossip about me. Say whatever they wanted to say, so long you are happy to be yourself. upshot 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upshot Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Surely this is the main reason why most younger guys are 'afraid' to come out: concern about the reaction not just of parents but the extended family? But the chances r u will have to face the issue sometime in the future. Pressure will eventually grow with constant questions about girlfriends n marriage. For some years, these can be deflected. "Not ready. Want to concentrate first on getting n working at a good job to make money. etc."Even if u move to ur own place, these questions will not go away. Eventually they will be replaced by suspicion n gossip? "Do you think he's gay? Have u seen him with other boys?" By that time u need a different set of answers - n they r more difficult to fabricate. So my advice wld be this. There is no problem in not coming out when u know u r gay. But ALWAYS hv a good answer prepared in advance for when someone asks u the inevitable question. Making one up on the spot may give the game away.But also realise that if you show no desire to hv girlfriends n no plans to get married, usually someone in the family will have worked out that u r in fact gay. I'd try to find someone in the family who is close to u, mabe an uncle or aunt, who can help first to guard the secret n then to help prepare ur other relatives when u decide u want to come out.Hope this helps. These day and age? There are more and more news out in Singapore but elsewhere in the world about both sexes marrying later or even considering to stay single. Though the stigma if being gay is a lot more common place now, the pockets of resistance are among the older folks (parents) mentality which in time will disappear naturally with each successive generation and of course you have the usual bigotry that involves politicians, company bosses, religious nut jobs and sometime regular males/female who are just are too dense to change their thinking. I know of people who like me stay closeted for professional reason as well as family. Even if a boss can accept you and let you work there but it might effect my pay check and promotion prospect for higher positions. There are many example of marriage as an institution is no longer deem to be compulsory or end game of a person's life. In Japan, there are str8 men and women who are giving up marriage and even sex. So much so they think birthrate in Japan will be at a stand still by 2030. The men are even nicknamed "Herbivorous" and we have guys who are so sick of the whims of toxic women and decided to give up marriage ( M.G.T.O.W. ). Here's a thought, tell people you hate toxic women and that is why you are not going to marry. :smokin: :twisted: As we progress forward, individual are empowered with more lifestyle choices options and the general public is starting to accept that. Though at time not wanting to talk about it. (don't ask don't tell) So anyone wanting to come out to the world or if you choose to stay closeted for now or forever, I think that is your prerogative. Only you know how you should live. Don't even let the "new-bigot gay" (gay who has came out and now has this hate mentality toward closeted gays and bi ) tell you that you are being coward or what shit they will call you to say you are not as good as them to be real and come out and be yourself. I find such people to have their own power agenda which they are NOT entirely trying to tell you but wanting you to change and join them. We seem to be seeing too many people with hidden agendas these day.. so we should follow our heart and reasoning. So long what you are doing or not doing is harming or benefiting no one (but yourself). Be empowered to be you. (criminal notions need not apply heheh ) Puffypuff 1 Quote ** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puffypuff Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Is not that easy to just come out got to have lots of confident, personally I m scared to come out, tho I been letting hint out sometimes and just hope that if they will understand and accept upshot 1 Quote Waiting for my impossible love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oogachagacare Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) Coming out is a very personal decision. Everyone's situation & experiences are different, and there is no standard way to come out or to stay in the closet. Here at Oogachaga, we've put together a brochure for young people who are thinking of coming out, called "Coming Out to family for youth". There are also some useful tips for people who may not be "youths" anymore! Useful sections include:- Some situations in which you may need to think twice before coming out- FAQs by family- Dealing with the bumps in the road- When should you seek help?- Who can help and how? You can click on the image to read the online brochure, or click here directly. You can also find out more about Oogachaga's services here. Edited November 13, 2014 by Oogachagacare AlternatePetra 1 Quote OogachagaCARE is an online counselling service by Oogachaga for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ+) community. You can also reach us at: CARE Email counselling: https://oogachaga.com/email-counselling Whatsapp counselling: 8592-0609 (Sat: 2pm - 5pm, Tue - Thu: 7pm - 10pm) Professional counselling: counselling@oogachaga.com However, if you need to talk to someone urgently because you're in emotional crisis, feeling suicidal or affected by suicide, please consider: Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) 24hr suicide prevention hotline: 1-767 (1-SOS) Oogachaga is a community-based, non-profit professional organization working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ+) individuals, couples and families in Singapore since 1999. Visit us on www.oogachaga.LGBT / www.congregaytion.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knight Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) Till the day I feel my non conventional sexual orientation is a big deal Edited November 13, 2014 by knight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mate69 Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Till the day I feel my non conventional sexual orientation is a big dealU meant to say NOT a big deal, I suppose? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sean_sean Posted November 15, 2014 Report Share Posted November 15, 2014 I don't purposely tell anyone. But I don't mind telling if someone ask. Quote A man who stays in a cave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyboy90 Posted November 15, 2014 Report Share Posted November 15, 2014 it actually depends on the personal preferences. you dont judge someone who choose to be closeted and vice versa. it isnt about ashamed to be out or what, its all about whether you are comfortable with your own skin. Quote Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted November 16, 2014 Report Share Posted November 16, 2014 If you are not 'Out' yet, we want to know the reason why. How long will you keep it?As long as I can hide!!"Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know" - Elsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 Don't ask, don't tell. As if everone is anticipating if you are going to come out. Let them assume but it is not their business if you are gay. It is still your preference that matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joshTWjosh Posted November 18, 2014 Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 Probably forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorzguy Posted November 18, 2014 Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 I do not think it is ever necessary to be "out" to anyone. Your true friends will never be bother to keep finding out why you are not married etc.Same apply to family members; and they will probably know about your orientation, just short of saying "Eh, you gay ah?" As for the people in the same community, there is the gaydar thingy and well, enough said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justin1982 Posted November 18, 2014 Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 I do not think it is ever necessary to be "out" to anyone. Your true friends will never be bother to keep finding out why you are not married etc.Same apply to family members; and they will probably know about your orientation, just short of saying "Eh, you gay ah?" As for the people in the same community, there is the gaydar thingy and well, enough said.pertain to the last sentence, I was puzzles to the word "gaydar"... It is very interesting... Sometimes, the instinct will tell u that the said person is/ or could be PLU even though u don't know him.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest EternalFlame Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 If you are not 'Out' yet, we want to know the reason why. How long will you keep it?I don't think the society is ready for another gay to come out. I'm surrounded with people who don't understand gays' ways of life hence i think i'll keep it to myself until the day i die. Hopefully on the next life i would be straight or gays are most acceptable in the society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mate69 Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 What exactly is "gays' way of life"? And how is "gays' way of life" different from that of our straight counterparts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) And how is "gays' way of life" different from that of our straight counterparts? Gays' way of life has some disadvantages and many advantages But this does not mean that one has to be 'in' or 'out'. Edited November 30, 2014 by Steve5380 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mudskipper Posted December 1, 2014 Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 We stay out of the closet when we see our surrounding are acceptable and less threatening. We stay in the closet when we sense anti-gay people around. Go with the tide and keep our eyes wide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cube3 Posted December 1, 2014 Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 Yup, don't wanna get persecuted by religious bigots! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charvo87 Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Never will. To my coffin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Never will. To my coffin. Would you come out if you suddenly receive a new identity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted December 6, 2014 Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 The first time I did it i got slapped by my mother big time. So if you are not brave enough, don't do it. Who cares anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zipper Posted December 6, 2014 Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 lol...FOREVER, at least for now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Adrian Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 Quite long. My family is conservative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 How old are you? Why don't you settle in your own Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiacla Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 I'm 40 this year and still a closet. =X Since u r here 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 If the closet is larger than a 5 room HDB flat, and surrounded with an incredible shoe section, by all means stay inside. With a closet that amazing, why come out? Quote Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kittyfart Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 17 hours ago, Fiacla said: I'm 40 this year and still a closet. =X Why is that? Do you need to talk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rudy Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 If you are in 50s like me, i think no need to come out. Just enjoy life as it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 (edited) 2 hours ago, Guest Rudy said: If you are in 50s like me, i think no need to come out. Just enjoy life as it is. If you are in your 50s and enjoy life there is no need to dwell over "coming out". To begin with, at this age one should give a damn of what others think about oneself, especially if no future career is at risk of homophobic bashing. But even so, sexual orientation should not be written on our forehead (or conveyed by effeminate behavior). Even if there is no reason to hide, our orientation should only be communicated on a need-to-know basis. And even in SG much gay fun can be had with some anonymity, and even more fun is available in nearby countries. If the small probability of being found out occurs, then what the heck! , it is still better than being sick or having an accident. Edited February 27, 2016 by Steve5380 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiacla Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 it's not easy to step out of my str8 circle especially if u have near zero gay frd. (exclude those gay frds who just msg hi hello hi.) ChenL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunkchaser Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 I don't have any reason of coming out other being bombarded by the questions such as 'when are you getting married' or 'where is your girlfriend'. ChenL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 3, 2016 Report Share Posted March 3, 2016 Coming out soon to my parents. I'm preparing to do it this weekend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted March 4, 2016 Report Share Posted March 4, 2016 8 hours ago, Guest said: Coming out soon to my parents. I'm preparing to do it this weekend Good luck! Remember that you love your parents, and they also should love you. This love means that they should repress any selfish expectations of how you should be, and accept you as you really are. Be assertive and tell them that you expect, of course, their support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seven7 Posted March 5, 2016 Report Share Posted March 5, 2016 In an ideal world there would be no need to come out because we wouldn't be in the closet in the first place. I think coming out is a personal decision specific to the individual and there is no right or wrong decision as everyone's situation is different and unique. We as a community should congratulate those who have and sympathize with those who are for whatever reason unable to. lyz93 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 On 3 March 2016 at 3:35 AM, Guest said: Coming out soon to my parents. I'm preparing to do it this weekend Oh dear, this turned out bad. My dad was so shocked and we ended in hospital. His BP went high. Bit okay now and he is already at home but not talking to me. Mom seems sour to me as well. Maybe they would realise soon nothing could change me unless I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seven7 Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 11 minutes ago, Guest said: Oh dear, this turned out bad. My dad was so shocked and we ended in hospital. His BP went high. Bit okay now and he is already at home but not talking to me. Mom seems sour to me as well. Maybe they would realise soon nothing could change me unless I do. Oh no, wish your dad a speedy recovery. Whatever happens don't blame yourself and don't blame them either. Give it some time and they will accept what no one can change, that you were born this way. Do something special for yourself today to distract yourself from any negativity. mate69 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 41 minutes ago, Guest said: Oh dear, this turned out bad. My dad was so shocked and we ended in hospital. His BP went high. Bit okay now and he is already at home but not talking to me. Mom seems sour to me as well. Maybe they would realise soon nothing could change me unless I do. How sad! Your dad must be made to understand that sexual orientation IS NOT a choice. And this means that he cannot blame you for that. So "not speaking to you" is not a choice he can hold forever. As seven7 wrote, it may take him and your mom some time. Don't put blame on yourself, neither to yourself not to them. Be nice and firm in not accepting blame, but also don't argue. Time will resolve the situation. mate69 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gay Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 It doesn't matter whether I stay in the closet. My mom look at my face and know that I am gay already, because I got gay look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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