How Long Will You Stay In The Closet?

[lovehandle]

9 minutes ago, Guest Gay said:

It doesn't matter whether I stay in the closet.  My mom look at my face and know that I am gay already, because I got gay look.

so funny sia!

Describe what is the gay look please!

[Steve5380]

10 hours ago, Guest Gay said:

It doesn't matter whether I stay in the closet.  My mom look at my face and know that I am gay already, because I got gay look.

 

Don't worry about a "gay look" that is natural and not artificially caused by effeminate dressing and accessories.

There are very gay-looking guys who are straight, and very straight-looking gays.

 

If you have an opportunity, learn and practice some martial art. It will not only keep you fit and good looking, but it gives you the confidence that nobody will abuse you for having a "gay look".

[Guest]

On 6 March 2016 at 11:29 AM, Guest said:

 

Oh dear, this turned out bad. My dad was so shocked and we ended in hospital. His BP went high. Bit okay now and he is already at home but not talking to me. Mom seems sour to me as well. Maybe they would realise soon nothing could change me unless I do.

 

Dad is still sick and I moved out from our house. I'm living with my aunt right now as my mother did ask me to move out for a while my dad's anger still not subside.

 

[forbidd3n]

Sometimes i wonder if parents have the right to be angry that their son is gay, or should it be the other way round. Homosexuality is likely to have a large part to do with genetic factors and when the foetus is developing in the mother's womb. Who would want to be gay if they had a choice?

[seven7]

2 hours ago, Guest said:

 

Dad is still sick and I moved out from our house. I'm living with my aunt right now as my mother did ask me to move out for a while my dad's anger still not subside.

 

Sorry to hear this.  Again, don't blame yourself (you did nothing wrong) and try to not blame your parents (they don't know better but they are still your parents).  Instead, put that energy into something more productive, go out with friends, go for a run, give it some time and be good to yourself.  Take care buddy.

[Steve5380]

10 hours ago, forbidd3n said:

Sometimes i wonder if parents have the right to be angry that their son is gay, or should it be the other way round. Homosexuality is likely to have a large part to do with genetic factors and when the foetus is developing in the mother's womb. Who would want to be gay if they had a choice?

 

Very wise thought. It should be the responsibility of parents to have the knowledge that homosexuality is not voluntary nor is it something one desires for oneself. 

With this in mind, they should be careful with how they assign the blame, if they are so determined to find blame.

No matter what the cause of homosexuality is, if it is genetic or environmental, the homosexual child does not deserve blame (neither does the adult homosexual).

On the other hand one can empathize with a temporary disappointment of parents until they realize that they can cope and even grow with the experience.

They can get informed and realize that the homosexual child has all the potential for a happy life.  That it is SOCIETY what is the evil side in homosexuality.

And so hopefully they become strong defenders of their child against discrimination and try to influence society to get rid of homophobia.

 

[Steve5380]

11 hours ago, Guest said:

 

Dad is still sick and I moved out from our house. I'm living with my aunt right now as my mother did ask me to move out for a while my dad's anger still not subside.

 

 

Are your parents active Christians?  If so they may be afflicted with the condemnation of homosexuality pushed by some Christian churches.

In this case, you have the opportunity to be the catalyst they need to realize the falsity of such condemnation. 

And eventually they may realize the falsity of their whole indoctrination,

and so escape the abject servitude to organizations like the City Harvest Church and other Singapore megachurches.

[Guest]

MACHO  , Machoest RUGBY PLayers coming out after years of denial , marriage and children , after all these finally able to be themselves...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AFL player Lachlan Beaton finaaly comes out after 12 years of struggling with depression.....etc

 

 

 

 

Aussie  rugby player Ian roberts  comes out and also introduces his boyfreind too.

 

 

 

 

Some people takes half a alife time, get married , had children before they decide come out when they are in their 50s . Never too late I guess.

[Guest]

The oddest thing u heard was when this guy came out to his dad (his mum has passed away for years), his dad said Son, I have a confession, I have also become gay a few years ago and I niw have a boy Friend that I like You to meet with! 

Hiw wld you accept this type of news?

[Guest]

On 12 March 2016 at 0:17 PM, Guest said:

 

Dad is still sick and I moved out from our house. I'm living with my aunt right now as my mother did ask me to move out for a while my dad's anger still not subside.

 

 

They haven't talked to me ever since I moved out. I know that they are also mad with my aunt for keeping me. I'm thinking of moving to my someone like me. I do have some gay friends and also got a new job.

[yoyo74]

On 3/13/2016 at 5:14 PM, Guest said:

The oddest thing u heard was when this guy came out to his dad (his mum has passed away for years), his dad said Son, I have a confession, I have also become gay a few years ago and I niw have a boy Friend that I like You to meet with! 

Hiw wld you accept this type of news?

I think any gay will accept this news

[yoyo74]

24 minutes ago, Guest said:

 

They haven't talked to me ever since I moved out. I know that they are also mad with my aunt for keeping me. I'm thinking of moving to my someone like me. I do have some gay friends and also got a new job.

Your parents have no right to be angry at your aunt. All people have the freedom to keep anyone they like.

[yoyo74]

On 2/28/2016 at 1:23 AM, Fiacla said:

it's not easy to step out of my str8 circle especially if u have near zero gay frd. (exclude those gay frds who just msg hi hello hi.)

Why dont u find gay friend since u are gay? A gay finding straight friend is akin to finding a friend that will never understand u

[Cube3]

4 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

Why dont u find gay friend since u are gay? A gay finding straight friend is akin to finding a friend that will never understand u

 

yup have similar thoughts lately...

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, Guest said:

 

They haven't talked to me ever since I moved out. I know that they are also mad with my aunt for keeping me. I'm thinking of moving to my someone like me. I do have some gay friends and also got a new job.

 

Sad... but they are your parents, and you should keep loving them (even if it is not reciprocal)

 

What turned them so antagonistic?  Are they afraid to lose face with their acquaintances? Are they deeply religious?

Regardless of what it is, you should never entertain the thought that you were at fault.

Quite the contrary:  You lived all your life with a natural inclination that you kept to yourself, to the point that they didn't know that you are gay (otherwise they would not have been so shocked now).  You repressed your natural feelings in consideration for THEM.

 

If the opportunity is there, you should let them know some realities about this issue:

-  How good can religion be, if its (false, misinterpreted) dogmas put a wedge between members of a family and break it apart?

- You are an excellent son for having been completely discrete about your nature for their benefit, even as you knew that there is nothing bad with it.

- It is not proper for parents to throw out their child for something he is or did that is not is fault, even if they don't like it.

- You forgive them for their attitude,  but they should get educated about the issue (of homosexuality) and act correctly.

 

Don't be afraid to be firm with them and assertive.  They deserve to be helped out of their homophobic indoctrination.

[upshot]

Sometime I think, we should be looking at it in another way which is... should this not be a private thing you do like any other private or public things we choose to tell or keep private? Sometime it is not hiding it but simply you choose not to do what you do and say what you say publicly.

 

Why is being OUT so important and for what reason you think being OUT to tell the world you are gay or you like to be butt fuck? If one's outlook at work or other personal daily lie is not typically a gay thing, why can it not be right to just not think about coming out or even talking about it more then you should? Being gay or not I feel has no contribution to my career or what i do.

 

But yes of course there are just as many good reason for coming out. Be it a mental one which in your view free you to live more as what you are, to be accepted outright by others, to be doing this for legal reason like marrying to a partner just so you can benefit from the same rights and protection of a marital status if something happens...etc And some will do this for political or power agenda. Many reasons thus what is your personal reason for doing so.

 

So there are pros and cons and it is all about YOU being comfortable about it and only for reasons you have rationalize for you...not for another or peer pressure. I am always happy for anyone I know happy with the status he put himself thru. If he decide to not come out of the closet. He is not a traitor. He is just someone who living with what he is comfortable with dealing for him. For at the end of the day, what he does, if it fuck up it is he who have to face it 90% of the time while others are only able to offer lip service of consolation if bad shit happens.

 

I think we should all be clear of purpose and not just do something because someone tells you to because everyone else is doing it or it is the right thing to do FOR THE GROUP...blah blah.

[Jake.Roxas]

Wow. My thread is quite active.

[Guest Randy]

Thinking of outing myself but still not sure of the consequences

[Steve5380]

On 12/04/2016 at 7:54 PM, Guest Randy said:

Thinking of outing myself but still not sure of the consequences

 

"Outing myself" sounds like you are going to put newspaper adds and hang a sign from your neck saying "I am gay".

 

Maybe you mean that you will decide to live your life as the gay person you are, regardless of what other people make out of it ?

[wintersnow]

for a very long time or rather till now i would say not until the elderly(s) are still alive because i dont want to drive them to their death bed or at least disappoint them. well there is a difference between being single and/or not married vs gay and the elders would not be able to accept such things

 

recently, i felt that the change in me, probably im older, just pass my 30 mark that there is nothing wrong being out.

 

i guess i would have to strike a balance between being discreet and answering to my call now to be more open 

 

 

[Guest]

Don't ask, don't tell.

[doncoin]

Well you either burst out of the confines of the closet to be free, or you can build yourself a really huge closet, and stay inside permanently. 

[Guest Boy]

On 4/2/2016 at 3:37 AM, upshot said:

Sometime I think, we should be looking at it in another way which is... should this not be a private thing you do like any other private or public things we choose to tell or keep private? Sometime it is not hiding it but simply you choose not to do what you do and say what you say publicly.

 

Why is being OUT so important and for what reason you think being OUT to tell the world you are gay or you like to be butt fuck? If one's outlook at work or other personal daily lie is not typically a gay thing, why can it not be right to just not think about coming out or even talking about it more then you should? Being gay or not I feel has no contribution to my career or what i do.

 

But yes of course there are just as many good reason for coming out. Be it a mental one which in your view free you to live more as what you are, to be accepted outright by others, to be doing this for legal reason like marrying to a partner just so you can benefit from the same rights and protection of a marital status if something happens...etc And some will do this for political or power agenda. Many reasons thus what is your personal reason for doing so.

 

So there are pros and cons and it is all about YOU being comfortable about it and only for reasons you have rationalize for you...not for another or peer pressure. I am always happy for anyone I know happy with the status he put himself thru. If he decide to not come out of the closet. He is not a traitor. He is just someone who living with what he is comfortable with dealing for him. For at the end of the day, what he does, if it fuck up it is he who have to face it 90% of the time while others are only able to offer lip service of consolation if bad shit happens.

 

I think we should all be clear of purpose and not just do something because someone tells you to because everyone else is doing it or it is the right thing to do FOR THE GROUP...blah blah.

 

Exactly! I have such similar views. I do not have a need to come out at all. I feel it is something private. I don't see how me coming out value adds to other people's lives. On the contrary, should I come out to my family, it can weigh in on their minds a lot. While I am confident they can accept what I choose to do, I do not want them to over-think my choices. It is for me and only me to think and act on (if my choices do not hurt them). 

 

However, like upshot mentioned, everyone has different views towards coming out. Some just feel extremely uncomfortable not coming out. They feel they are hiding a big portion of their life ; Living a lie perhaps. The feeling doesn't go away until they tell someone, "HEY! I think .... im .... Gay." and breathe a sigh of relief. There is legality too (but nothing to think about in SG for now - you don't get spousal benefits, heck you can't even be legally married). Lastly, some just want to be "ambassadors" of PinkDot. That's just an extreme example though. But yes we need people who advocate and fight for certain rights, or the community and society at large will never progress when it comes to Gay rights. 

 

Do what you feel is most right. Do not let anyone bully you in to coming out or keeping it in. 

 

Until then, have fun and Gay On! 

 

 

 

[Cube3]

Had altercation with family, came outright and acknowledged sexual orientation. Now may lose family * sigh * ...feels shitty, but think this would have happened one way or another.

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, Cube3 said:

Had altercation with family, came outright and acknowledged sexual orientation. Now may lose family * sigh * ...feels shitty, but think this would have happened one way or another.

 

Actually, your family lost you.

[Steve5380]

On 5/16/2016 at 10:23 PM, Cube3 said:

Had altercation with family, came outright and acknowledged sexual orientation. Now may lose family * sigh * ...feels shitty, but think this would have happened one way or another.

 

Was the altercation caused by the issue of you being gay?

Is your family very religious?

Did they make some demands that are difficult for a gay to comply with,

or they want to reject you simply for being gay?

 

Sorry for asking these personal questions, but they hint at the possibility, like Guest above wrote, that they will lose and you will gain.

It will not be a problem if you have the means to support yourself.  

It will be painful nonetheless, but you are entitled to live your life.  Try to understand them, and don't feel anger.

 

[forbidd3n]

Do not really intend to come out. But as more and more friends get attached and married, i wonder how is it possible to stay in the closet permanently. There's probably like an age cap - ppl may eventually conclude that u are a closeted gay, seeing that u are not getting attached after a certain age(or interested in trying). I think some of my female friends are already suspecting, seeing how i don't seem to have much interest in them. 

[Guest rob]

No need to come out if you are comfortable where you are

[fab]

As long as gay marriage is not legalized.

[Madhan86]

3 hours ago, forbidd3n said:

Do not really intend to come out. But as more and more friends get attached and married, i wonder how is it possible to stay in the closet permanently. There's probably like an age cap - ppl may eventually conclude that u are a closeted gay, seeing that u are not getting attached after a certain age(or interested in trying). I think some of my female friends are already suspecting, seeing how i don't seem to have much interest in them. (except this part)

I share the same sentiments with forbidd3n

[yoyo74]

3 hours ago, forbidd3n said:

Do not really intend to come out. But as more and more friends get attached and married, i wonder how is it possible to stay in the closet permanently. There's probably like an age cap - ppl may eventually conclude that u are a closeted gay, seeing that u are not getting attached after a certain age(or interested in trying). I think some of my female friends are already suspecting, seeing how i don't seem to have much interest in them. 

I have been moving away further and further away from most straight friend that dont know i am gay. Only 2 of my most trusted best friends knows i am gay. With straight friends, the conversation is always very boring to me especially when straight friends grow older. They would always say things in their conversation like.

"Hey, why are u not married? Are u gay?"

"Let me introduce some girls to u"

"My wife this and that... my son and daughter this and that..."

"How many woman have u fuck b4 u get married"

"Look this woman so beautiful...I want to do this and that..."

"This woman neh neh so big i wanna touch touch"

I hate lying and with them i cannot be myself and had to keep avoiding questions. The things i want to talk can talk to them. I have been getting really sick of this kind of conversation with straight friends that i dont join their activities any more. Only 2 of my best straight friends who know i am gay know this kind of conversation is meaningless to me.

I started to make lots of gay friends after coming out of the closet. Now i can talk freely with them. Me and my gay friends can talk whatever we want to like.

"Hey did u see this cute guy just walk past us so hot"

"Wow this guy muscle so big"

"OMG this guy so handsome and hot!!! i wanna him to be my bf..."

"This guy had so muscular chest i wanna touch touch"

I feel so much more happier when i can talk all gay stuff without trying to hide here and there.

[Guest Bi-Boy]

Don't intend to come out. I have thought about it and see no reason. I am happy with who I am and while I know my family will accept me if I tell them I am Bi, i still dont see the need to. I don't need to burden them with this thought of, "oh will he be alright?", "what might people think" , only because they care. (Even though they accept they may still worry right?)

 

Besides, society will take a good two, three even more decades to fully accept gays and well .... ain't nobody got time fo dat! I just need to he happy with who I am and do as I will. No amount of Pink Dots in the near future will help. Besides, Pink Dot has turned into like another Hipster event where people just book hotel stays nearby and take tons of pics for social media. I only see a handful of them truly delve into the purpose of the event. 

 

just my 2 cents. nothing to start flaming about. 

[lyz93]

On 6/11/2016 at 10:04 AM, forbidd3n said:

Do not really intend to come out. But as more and more friends get attached and married, i wonder how is it possible to stay in the closet permanently. There's probably like an age cap - ppl may eventually conclude that u are a closeted gay, seeing that u are not getting attached after a certain age(or interested in trying). I think some of my female friends are already suspecting, seeing how i don't seem to have much interest in them. 

I couldn't agree more with that statement, what i can do now is only make an excuse, such as, busy with study, then busy with work, and so on. Mentioning about female friends, i pretend being very selective and perfectionist when some of my straight friends ask me the reason not to date them. Being in the closet permanently is a personal choice, the only matter is your concern towards people that judge you. Cheers

[Guest NoNeedToDeclare]

I have no need to declare who I am sexually attracted to. As long as no one is asking question Are you gay, I will not declare.

[Guest Guest]

On 3 April 2016 at 0:56 AM, Guest said:

 

They haven't talked to me ever since I moved out. I know that they are also mad with my aunt for keeping me. I'm thinking of moving to my someone like me. I do have some gay friends and also got a new job.

 

Just to continue my story. I went home last week and again dad can't accept me. We had a very intense argument and I have to walk out. A day after the fight, he got hospitalised again due to high blood pressure. Mom told me not to see him for some time and he is really very mad at me.

[Guest Ross]

I can't sleep. I'm thinking of telling my family today that I'm gay. My sister caught me anyway kissing his boyfriend last month.

[Steve5380]

4 hours ago, Guest Ross said:

I can't sleep. I'm thinking of telling my family today that I'm gay. My sister caught me anyway kissing his boyfriend last month.

 

Just an idea.  If you tell your parents that "you believe" that you are gay,  maybe they take it better if you want to make this a CONFIDENTIAL revelation, something that should stay in the family, just in case they are afraid of how their friends and acquaintances may take this.

You should not lose much by keeping this confidential for a while, until your family gets used to the idea. 

[fab]

 

 

[Guest Room]

I plan to stay closeted for the rest of my life. Nobody needs to know what I do in the bedroom just like I don't want to know what they do in the bedroom. I also come from a conservative family and work in a very macho industry. Things are less complicated when nobody asks and nobody tells. I understand that I am also lucky, however, to  have straight siblings who have married and had children which makes it much easier for me to deflect the marriage issue as far as pressure from relatives is concerned.

[Guest Lucas]

I have no plan to come out. Let them think but I won't tell. 

[mate69]

Its a personal choice. Up to us , nobody else.

[Guest Guest]

Well, I really wonder what it means to be "staying in the closet" nowadays. Long ago in the past, a person in the closet really kept the secret so well hidden that nobody would have known or guessed, eg Rock Hudson. But in today's context, will you be considered to be still in the closet when you have a few good gay friends whom you hang out regularly, or that you are already 45 without any girlfriends, or when the entire world already know that you are gay without you telling them?.

 

So the million dollar question now is this:  how far in the closet do you need to be nowadays, before you are really considered to be still in the closet?? LOL!

[Salt&Pepper]

18 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

So the million dollar question now is this:  how far in the closet do you need to be nowadays, before you are really considered to be still in the closet?? LOL!

 

 

Sorry....I just couldn't resist.

Edited July 25, 2016 by Salt&Pepper

[30yochinese]

Question:
How Long Will You Stay In The Closet?

my Answer:
once I am 21yo,
I am of the legal age,
once I start work,
with every passing birthday it makes me more sure that my orientation is gay,
that is a good signal for me...time to come out of the Closet,
I have counted all the risk factors,
even if my worst case scenario were to happen,
would I be set free from "no longer needing to hide secrets"?
Yes, being set free comes at a price...depends on whether you are willing to pay that price, but trust me, from my experience, nothing is more liberating than telling your parents:"I am gay", better to break their hearts now...than wait for years later...

[Kibakun]

Yeah if after your mid 40s , never had a girlfriend, keeps fit, all the FB photos of dinners with all guys only - no need to come out, people already assume you are! Lol

 

And by that time, nobody really cares that you're not married except for those really old relatives, but for those, I take it positively that they are just being concerned. 

[Guest Sadik]

In arab world, gays can't be out. So we better keep in the closet or else we'll die.

[Snapplejacked]

I'm hoping someone would recognize me and then blow it out of proportion for me so I can let it out while playing the victim at the same time.

Edited October 9, 2016 by Snapplejacked

[Guest Cloth]

My philosophy is like the old American military policy. Don't ask. Don't tell. My family and friends don't ask. I don't tell.

[Guest John80]

As long as I could. I'm in an odd situation that outing is not an option to do. I hope that in my next life, my life would be different.

[Guest Paul29]

Who cares but me.