Advise Needed.

[meashep]

Hi guys, i need some advice from all of you:

I have a bi friend who is married.( i know him since we were in secondary school)

He is enjoying the best of both world( That is what i always tease him as he got a wife and a male friend( whom he is secretly in love with).

Recently, he had a major quarrel which resulted an a almost divorce case. Reaseon beacuse his wife copy his gay friends number and sent msg to them asking them if they know my firend and if he is a gay.

My friend is so angry (cause one of them is the friend whom he is secretly in love and he is now too ashame to call or sms him as he is afaride that he is angry with him) when he know the case and now refused to return home.

He is planning to diovice with his wife.

Guys do you think his decision is right?

Please give some advice.

[jtsc]

Any reasons why his wife want to do that? Personally, it is better to find out the reason and decide on the next course of action.

[crazygolfer]

My personal opinion, as a legally married couple, the wife has the right (or she could also engage a third party, house detective) to check on the husband’s extra matrimonial activity, if she is suspicious of her husband and if the evidence is proven right, the wife could file for a divorce.

The wife is on other hand, did not do tactfully by sending SMS directly to friends enquiring her husband’s activity which the husband was unhappy about it and felt ashamed. The husband was already ‘caught’ on his extra activity and instead he admitted to it, he wanted to divorce his wife due to ashame. What kind of selfish man?

Why the husband (or vice versa) did not talk to wife about divorce peacefully as there is no more love between them and the husband more inclined to liking guy instead. Maybe it would be easier, if there no kids from the marriage.

[TNT]

i think the wife is in the wrong.... in 1st place shouldnt have sms all friends about his sex orientation and 2ndly, she should happy that his husband is not going out fxxking pussies

[worldangel]

i think the wife is in the wrong.... in 1st place shouldnt have sms all friends about his sex orientation and 2ndly, she should happy that his husband is not going out fxxking pussies

.... whether the husband had a hanky panky with guys or gals, that event is already extra matrimonial affair, isn't it ?

[Guest outside the box]

dear meashep,

here i am trying to see the issue objectively and if i sound harsh, it is of no mean that i am attacking you or your friend and his wife

He is enjoying the best of both world( That is what i always tease him as he got a wife and a male friend( whom he is secretly in love with).

the saddest label for a bi is when he is thought to be a king enjoying best of both worlds. while it is true to observe that a bi can 'hit-and-run' and thought off as a being with no deep emotions, the state of being bisexual is actually a torment to live with. bisexuality is not a programmable mental choice and if he chooses to be married, there is always the empty part within him that needs to be fulfilled. afterall, we are learning human that will make mistakes.

My friend is so angry (cause one of them is the friend whom he is secretly in love and he is now too ashame to call or sms him as he is afaride that he is angry with him) when he know the case and now refused to return home.

He is planning to diovice with his wife.

you friend needs to recompose his thought. anger is just a step away from a danger that he might regret later. get him to find a balance.

it will be good if your friend owns his mistakes and assume responsibilities. often, our first reaction is to burst into anger when our world is being crumpled by others. we feel terrorized and the easiest way is to flee somewhere to seek peace and, perhaps, away from shame.

to me, divorce will be unavoidable here. [as much as i would want to think positive here, it is hard to mend the cracks.] for now, accept that actions were taken and leave that behind and face forward.

in this situation, even if he is not the one suggesting it, the wife will. having said that, get your friend to have a very good talk with his wife -- this is the time for him to win a friend, especially a woman whom he had loved and shared life with.

it wont be an easy situation. women get pissed, literally, when they found out they married to a guy who can sex another man. they will feel lost, ashamed, disgusted and just like your friend, this wife will find it hard to share the truth to her family, friends and colleagues. no asian woman will come home to their parents and say 'mum and dad, i wanna marry this bi guy' nor an asian mother that would say to their children, 'your dad loves and sex with another man too'.

get your friend not to be angry for what she had done. we are asians and love is always thought to be shared between two people, viz man to a woman or woman to a man .. fullstop. any gender will not sit still, or pretty, once a party sensing there is something amiss. we are created that way and worse, when our possession is being stolen.

i hope your friend will find his courage and settled things peacefully. be there for him as i believe he needs support to move on with life. just listen and do not make decision for him.

at the same time, get him to forgive all parties including the guy whom he secretly in love with. and the most precious gift would be to forgive himself too.

regards.

[oralb]

dear meashap:

my advise to you is be a good listening ear, however when it comes to decision, get him to do it himself.

to a certain extent, you have only hear 1-side of the story (all from him) it may not be enough to come up with a good conclusion.

whether to get back or go seperate, he should have the best idea.

of coz, you can dish out advices like "cool down" "have a good talk to all parties"

[Guest Monkie]

Let me add my 2 pennies worth here....

1. If the wife can forgive him, can she ever forget? If she is going to bring this up everytime they argue or everything she feels insecure...then they may as well divorce.

2. Even if she can forgive and forget, and he promise to change, can he give up his bisexual lifestyle? If he cannot help seeing other guys, then what's the point of the marriage? May as well start afresh then living under a cloud of suspicion always.

[thaiboyz]

My advice is :

Your friend has to be clear of which direction he is heading to. It is impossible for him to "enjoy" the both world now, especially for the wife. She will feel much much worse to share a husband with a man than with another woman. The case is more complicated than those "threesome" affair which involved the same gender. As mentioned, she will feel ashame and seems like divorce is unavoidable. It is also unfair to her as she has been kept in the dark till she has discovered.

If you still love him, stand by him during this difficult period, and see him through. But leave him alone to make his own decision, he will love you more at the end of the day.

[Guest 2727]

Say sorry to what you have did to your wife and ask for forgiveness. Stay with her as long as you can, like what you has promise her when you say " I do". That mean you are prepare to do whatever thing to make her happy. Ask her to help you, pull you out of hell and go to heaven.

"Hell over here mean thing that make you unhappy."

[Guest Monkie]

Reminds me of something similar that happen to my friend. Only it is not the wife but the mother. She copied all the contact numbers from the son's handphone and then sms them each to ask if they knew her son and whether he was gay.

She even called up a few guys with gay-sounding names and chat with them ...and also ask if they were gay. And then she threatened them not to corrupt her son or else she would tell everyone they know.

The guy was clueless for days until someone told him. He was so embarassed cos the mother had also called a few of his co-workers as their numbers were in his phone. He was so angry with his mother that he stopped talking to her and soon after moved out. Poor chap. His reputation was just tarnished. His boss even heard of it and asked him in for an explanation.

In the end, he resigned from the company as he couldn't stand the gossips about himself. No point telling them his mother was senile or crazy cos no one believe him. And this was not a man in his teens or 20s. He was in his 30s. Straight acting, decent, management position etc.

[crazygolfer]

Reminds me of something similar that happen to my friend. Only it is not the wife but the mother. She copied all the contact numbers from the son's handphone and then sms them each to ask if they knew her son and whether he was gay.

She even called up a few guys with gay-sounding names and chat with them ...and also ask if they were gay. And then she threatened them not to corrupt her son or else she would tell everyone they know.

The guy was clueless for days until someone told him. He was so embarassed cos the mother had also called a few of his co-workers as their numbers were in his phone. He was so angry with his mother that he stopped talking to her and soon after moved out. Poor chap. His reputation was just tarnished. His boss even heard of it and asked him in for an explanation.

In the end, he resigned from the company as he couldn't stand the gossips about himself. No point telling them his mother was senile or crazy cos no one believe him. And this was not a man in his teens or 20s. He was in his 30s. Straight acting, decent, management position etc.

Hmm, this is a sad story. I guess that his mother might be suspicious of the son that at his age was not attached yet and started to find the reasons behid quietly, but forgot that by doing that, it had affected her own son's reputation, integrity and job .

[过客]

Reminds me of something similar that happen to my friend. Only it is not the wife but the mother. She copied all the contact numbers from the son's handphone and  then sms them each to ask if they knew her son and whether he was gay.

She even called up a few guys with gay-sounding names and chat with them ...and also ask if they were gay. And then she threatened them not to corrupt her son or else she would tell everyone they know.

The guy was clueless for days until someone told him. He was so embarassed cos the mother had also called a few of his co-workers as their numbers were in his phone. He was so angry with his mother that he stopped talking to her and soon after moved out. Poor chap. His reputation was just tarnished. His boss even heard of it and asked him in for  an explanation. 

In the end, he resigned from the company as he couldn't stand the gossips about himself. No point telling them his mother was senile or crazy cos no one believe him. And this was not a man in his teens or 20s. He was in his 30s. Straight acting, decent, management position etc.

Hmm, this is a sad story. I guess that his mother might be suspicious of the son that at his age was not attached yet and started to find the reasons behid quietly, but forgot that by doing that, it had affected her own son's reputation, integrity and job .

Well, whatever the reason for doing so. Be it out of "concern", "love" or just for herself, the mother has just carried out a very selfish act. She could have destroyed the son for the rest of his life. Once he is off track of his career, he might not be able to get back, even with strings of degrees in his possessions.

[newguy2l]

lesson to all married bi's

leave no tracks

no phone nos

ONS only

dont know how to fool-proof the computer yet

anyone can advise?

[Guest Guest]

Can try Windows washer software

[Guest Guest]

off track: the diversified development to the original thread has become rather comical and can't help laughing quietly to :

lesson to all married bi's

leave no tracks

no phone nos

ONS only

dont know how to fool-proof the computer yet

Can try Windows washer software

not because these posts were stupid, they certainly are good tips.

and this remind me of a friend who was so angry and passed on the following remarks to his god brother:

'you are so ashamed that i am gay, but you have no shame to take money from me!' :clap: :whistle:

hmmpff

[Guest Wondering]

I am wondering... If a strange woman called a guy up and start asking if he is gay and asking about his friend... why would that guy so easily just spill the beans for her?

[过客]

I am wondering... If a strange woman called a guy up and start asking if he is gay and asking about his friend... why would that guy so easily just spill the beans for her?

Just tell her that she has gotten the wrong number and hang up. In this circle, we don't go around telling people about who is/are gay. So, why bother to entertain a strange woman on the phone.

[Guest Monkie]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

If such a marriage end up in divorce, she may ask for compensation or alimony or she may end up telling all the friends and relatives and the people at work that the husband is gay, just to get even!

Just curious, if your mother is someone who does the above, will you forgive her?

Personally i won't.

[Guest meashep's friend]

Hi guys,

thanks so much for all your advise.

Wife case already settle.

[Guest outside the box]

Hi guys,

thanks so much for all your advise.

Wife case already settle.

hi meashep's friend,

i am so happy that you have resolved the problems. hope you and your wife will have a new start, a new beginning for a happier life .. and lotsa joy and peace.

hehe, planning for family now?

regards.