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A Joke A Day, Keeps The Bitches Away (compiled)


LupCheong
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5 minutes ago, Nightingale said:

A man went to confession and told the priest: “I have a steady girlfriend but last week, I went to her house and there was nobody at home except her sister.  We were all alone and we ended up having sex.”  

“That’s bad, my son,” said the priest, “but at least you can see that you have made a mistake.”

 

The man continued: “Then later that day, I went to my girlfriend’s office to look for her, but nobody was around except one of her colleagues.  So I had sex with her too.”

“That’s very bad, my son.”

 

The man went on.  “Then yesterday, I went to my girlfriend’s uncle’s house to look for her, but nobody was home except her aunt.  So I had sex with her too.”

 

The priest made no reply.

“Father? … Father?” 

Realising that the priest wasn’t there, the man searched for him and found him hiding behind a wall.  “What are you doing, Father?”

“I suddenly realised you and I are the only ones around ….”

Then he rips off the priest's clothes and has sex with him too... 🤣

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Guest Melon
On 6/14/2021 at 8:43 PM, Dart said:

 

In addition to your cute joke:

 

Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon.

 

 

Why did another of another melon listens to ŕock song. It wanted to be a rock melon. 

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Guest Melon
On 6/14/2021 at 8:43 PM, Dart said:

 

In addition to your cute joke:

 

Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon.

 

 

Why did the melon wears a mask?

It wanted to be a musk melon.

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Guest Melon
On 6/14/2021 at 8:43 PM, Dart said:

 

In addition to your cute joke:

 

Why did another melon got hibernated in the freezer? It wanted to be a winter-melon.

 

 

What did the hami melon say and do when he met winter-melon with runny nose in the freezer? 

 

He passed him a tissue and said hami-su?

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Guest Mouse
On 6/23/2021 at 3:31 PM, Zealouslogue said:

Which U.S state has the smallest soft drinks?  Minnesota (as in mini soda) 

What is the smallest mouse in the world. Minnie Mouse. 

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  • G_M changed the title to A Joke A Day, Keeps The Bitches Away (compiled)
  • G_M unlocked this topic
  • 1 month later...
On 8/29/2021 at 11:29 AM, passinthenight said:

How much does it cost for  a pirate to get both of his ears pierced?

 

A buccaneer 🤪 a buck an ear.

HAHAHAHA. Good one. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Nightwhore
On 9/11/2021 at 11:57 PM, Guest Guest said:

How can a joke a day be keeping the bitches away, when it is the bitch who is here doing the posting of lame jokes everyday?

 

LOL

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  • 4 weeks later...

I nearly became a Doctor . 

When I was young in the late 1980's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. 

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. 

Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today.

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  • 1 month later...

A father with two sons (let's say in The Philippines) decided the time had come for his elder teenage son to experience sex with a woman for the first time. On an adjacent street there was a brothel.

 

"Son, it's time you learned the facts of life. Take this 500 pesos, go visit the brothel, give it to the mamasan and then have a good time."

 

When the son came back, his father asked how it was. "It was really great. I really want more."

 

The only problem was the younger son now wanted the same experience. He begged and begged his father until he finally gave way. With his 500 pesos, the boy skipped along the street toward the brothel. His grandmother who lived nearby saw him and asked why he was so happy. "Well, my Dad just gave me 500 Pesos to have sex with a woman for the first time."

 

"500 Pesos, eh? That's a lot of money."

 

An hour later his father asked him how he got on. "Oh it was great," said his son. "Half way to the brothel I met my grandmother and she said I could save half the money if I gave her half and had sex with her instead."

 

"W-H-A-T?"  said his father. "You had sex with my mother?"

 

"What's the big deal," said his son. "I don't complain when you have sex with my mother so why should you complain when I have sex with your mother?"

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that,.. that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again." 

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
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