A Joke A Day, Keeps The Bitches Away (compiled)

[LupCheong]

Joke for Wed

Wong Ah Fatt believed 8 was his lucky number. He was born on 8 Aug, lived at no. 8 Hoy Fatt Rd, and drove a car with 8888 on the no. plate.

On his birthday 8 Aug 1988, he went to the Turf Club and was excited to see a horse named Fatt Fatt in race 8 drawn on barrier 8. He went to the 8th counter and placed a bet of $888 on Fatt Fatt.

It came in 8th.

[Itaewan]

This is a conversation overheard at ICA yesterday.

Sound interesting in Hokkien

Women: Li a sionh tolok hip eh.

Men: Lau Teng

[LupCheong]

Things to do in the Elevator

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them

on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,

and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the

wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they

know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After

a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day

been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then

scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,

ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to

play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask

them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency

procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,

don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

1 Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and

muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering

inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the

wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in

horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other

passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then

announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to

the other passengers, "This is MY personal space"

[Itaewan]

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

[LupCheong]

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

[Itaewan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/H4Su6qPz_UU

[LupCheong]

Itaewan, maybe you can start a new thread "A youtube a day...."

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

[LupCheong]

Advance Jokes for Sat, enjoy your weekend, I know I would!

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

[LupCheong]

Advance Joke for Sunday

Judy was having trouble with her computer. So she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that...in case I need to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

[LupCheong]

Joke for Monday, have a good week ahead!

Three vampires were on a tree, each bragging about being the best vampire of the three. All of the sudden, Vampire A flew away and came back within 10 seconds. His mouth was so full with fresh blood, excess of the blood were dripping from his mouth.

Vampire A :

[LupCheong]

Remember how we always hate maths in school? Additional Funny pics on Monday to chase away your Monday Blues

[LupCheong]

[crazygolfer]

Joke: Rent .... for Apartment

A man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

1. it had never been occupied.

2. that there was plenty of heat.

3. that is was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how turn it on and if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, don't blame me

Regards

[LupCheong]

Joke for Tuesday

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask a question. The driver screamed, lost control, nearly hit a bus and stopped just centimetres from a shop window.

Passenger: "Sorry, i didn't knew a little tap would scare you so much."

Driver: "It's not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I was driving a funeral van for the past 25 years."

[LupCheong]

Funny Quiz

[LupCheong]

[LupCheong]

Made in Japan

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton

taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but

the Jap was getting impatient.

The following is their conversation on the way to the airport.

A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi.....zoom....

Jap: Look ...look ...Toyota!! ...very fast!!!..... made in Japan!

Proton...no good.... made in Malaysia.

Driver: yah....

After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi....zoom.

Jap: look.... look.... Nissan!!!..... very good!! very fast! made in Japan!

Proton.... no good.... made in Malaysia

Driver: yah....yah...

After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi...zooom. !

Jap: look.... look... Honda!!.... very GOOD!!....very fast!!....made

in Japan! Proton...no good...made in Malaysia

Driver: yah...yah...yah....!

Arriving at the airport,the Jap is about to pay the taxi driver.

Jap: How much?

Driver: RM150/-

Jap: Oh... very expensive..... you overcharge ! !

Driver: Noooo .... look ..... look .... Sony meter!!....very good!!....

very fast!.... Made in Japan!

[LupCheong]

Joke for Wed

APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY

1. NRIC No.: _________________

2. Surname: __________________

3. First name: (please X)

[ ] Johnson

[ ] Benson

[ ] Samson

[ ] Hamson

[ ] Janson

[ ] Other: _________________ (if not ending in son? please explain why)

4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? Please explain

why)

5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng

6. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm)

7. Ability to squat for:

[ ] 1 hour

[ ] 2 hours

[ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!)

8. Hairstyle:

[ ] Spiky

[ ] Dyed with streaks of blond

[ ] Dyed with streaks of red

[ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes

[ ] Kana mop like that

[ ] Perm (please state which salon in JB you went)____________________

9. Tattoo of:

[ ] Tiger

[ ] Dragon

[ ] Snake

[ ] Eagle

[ ] Hello Kitty

10. Work experience: (please X all that apply)

[ ] KTV Lounge Bouncer

[ ] Snooker Hall Attendant

[ ] Unlicensed Contractor

[ ] Freelance debt collector

[ ] Unlicensed bookie

[ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional

[ ] Unemployed

11. Spouse's Name: _________________________

2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________

3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one)

_________________________

Lover's Name: _________________________

2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one)

_________________________

12. Number of children living in household: ____

Number of children that are actually yours: ____

13. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

14. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

15. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary school)

8 9 10 11 12

16. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply)

[ ] Hokkien

[ ] English

[ ] Malay

[ ] Tamil

[ ] Cantonese

[ ] rude hand signs

17. Service performed in previous secret society:

[ ] Leadership/Tua Tao

[ ] Junior management/Suay Tao

[ ] Physical activities/Hooting

[ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong

[ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui

[LupCheong]

No offence to any vegetarian here hor

[LupCheong]

More Maths for you

[LupCheong]

Joke for Thurs

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals,

they decided to go down to Dallas and party with some friends down there.

They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day

Sunday and didn't make it back to college until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor

after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan

to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way

back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a

result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final

the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor

had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a

test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple

about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each

one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was

written:

(For 95 points): Which tire?

[LupCheong]

[LupCheong]

[LupCheong]

For Friday, yay it's the weekend!

Home Remedies

-------------------------

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of

boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost

instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting

someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply

using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,

thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from

rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be

afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.

8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know

when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

[LupCheong]

If you think you're having a bad day, what could be worst than this?

[LupCheong]

[LupCheong]

Joke for a boring Friday evening

Do you know why New Changi Hospital (NCH) changed its name to Changi General Hospital (CGH)? Because NCH stands for "Never Come Home". That's why business was very bad before it changed its name. Now CGH stands for "Can Go Home". So business is picking up.

Business in Singapore General Hospital (SGH) is still going strong because SGH stands for "Sure Go Home"!

Now National University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a name change. It stands for "No Use Hospital"!

What about Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). Not too good a name, no wonder so much problem. It stands for " Tiam Tiam Si Hospital " and now ' Tan Teo SARs Hospital ".

So, be careful of choosing which hospital to go if anyone is unwell.

[LupCheong]

[LupCheong]

Joke for Sat , have a good weekend!

If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science Exam Answers.

These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon...All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity...The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the

heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

[LupCheong]

For Sun

Employer's Lingo

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"

We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED "

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"

We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"

You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"

Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Employee's Lingo:

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: "

I've used Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE"

I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES"

I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK"

I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE"

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL";

I carry a Day-Timer.

"I AM ADAPTABLE"

I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO"

I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED"

The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

[LupCheong]

[LupCheong]

Joke for Monday, have a nice week ahead!

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[LupCheong]

Previous cartoon removed, got complaints that it is too gory. Sorry folks!

[Buaya]

Comments deleted due to removal of previous cartoon...

[Itaewan]

Peeping Tom

http://www.fun.from.hell.pl/2003-02-18/peeping.swf

Run mouse over the body.........

[LupCheong]

Joke for Tuesday, not sure if this was posted before..

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her

The man said, You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, Then youre not the right man for this job.

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I cant kill my wife.

The agent said, You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.

Finally, it was the womans turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.

[LupCheong]

A question for our IT expert Mr. IkuTube

[LupCheong]

Joke for Wed

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy and that she will have go sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde and I have learned to speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

[LupCheong]

[azuchan]

Universal Law...

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs and Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpeting.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

[Buaya]

I like this

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

This is my version...

Law of Buaya's Internet Connectivity: Nothing will happen when Buaya is just sitting around and reading the IRC messasges, but the moment he wants to reply or is in the middle of a good conversation, he loses his Internet connection and the more interesting the conversation, the longer it takes for the connection to be back up...

[sgblueberry]

let me contribute one

Law of Likeness: The one who like you always not the one you like.

[Riko]

Law Of The Bus: The bus you're waiting for never arrives on time. But when you're at the same stop waiting for another bus number a day or so later, the bus you waited for previously comes every 2 minutes.

[LupCheong]

Joke for Thurs

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.

How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!"

[LupCheong]

Taxi Driver, can you take me to ...erm.......

[Steman]

Taxi Driver, can you take me to ...erm.......

Errrrr.........LC is this real??????

[LupCheong]

Joke for Fri

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[Itaewan]

At the Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,

"Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said "So why is the groom wearing black?"

[LupCheong]

Joke for Sat

This guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets aquatinted with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around, "What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?", to which the other replies, "Well, there is this barrel on the upper deck, just pump your cock in the side with the hole."

Weeks pass, and the new guy is getting real horny and remembers the barrel. He climbs to upper deck and sees the barrel. Flings his shlong out and starts fxxking the barrel. Its simply the best feeling he had ever experienced, it was truly a success!

After he was done, zipped up and merrily walking along, the guy who originally told him about the barrel walks by. "That barrel really was great! I could do it every day!"

To which the other crew member replies, "Yeah, you can every day except Thursday." Confused, the new guy asks why, to which the other guy replies, "Because its your turn in the barrel on Thursday."

[LupCheong]