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Disappearing act, my story


bot4life

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Hi all,

I just wanna share my story with you and would like to know if any of you faced the same situation before. I wanna know how did you handle it?

 

I was dating this guy for about one month. Things went really well and I could tell we were really into each other. We kept things traditional, no sex until fully committed (we did not have sex). We went out for movies and meals. We talked and cuddled in my room. It was intimate and the feelings were really true. We were all discreet and we liked how we kept things stable and drama-free in our relationship. Both of us looked forward to every meet-up

 

Two days ago, when we were relaxing in my room, We talked a lot and we cuddled. We kissed passionately and hugged each other so tightly. We could not let go of each other for like 3 hours. Until it was late and I told him he needed to go home before its too late to take public transport. We got off the bed but he still hugged me behind my back, on the way to the door. He pulled me back to the bed and kissed me.

 

Yesterday, we were texting each other normally to arrange for a hangout today. We were discussing which movie to watch and what to eat. Then suddenly he blocked me! I was so shocked. I really had no clue and this got me very sad and puzzled at the same time. Things went fine, and we were progressing well, and we were texting normally some more. Literally, I was texting with him to arrange a hangout and he was replying normally to make the plans more exciting, then suddenly I saw that I was blocked on WhatsApp. I could not reach him through normal phone calls and text as well.

 

I am very sad now because I think I have fallen for him, and this very sudden reaction hurt me so much. The disappearing act without any explanation hurts me even more. I kept thinking about what I have done wrong, but I could not find any reasons. Could you all please share with me what could have possibly happened? Should I find other ways to reach out to him and find out what went wrong? I can definitely buy more sim cards to call and text him because those numbers are not blocked. I am really ready to go all the way like that to chase and get him back because he is worth it. I think there must have been some misunderstandings and I wish to have a chance to explain to him.

 

Please please share your thoughts with me. As you can tell, I am very hurt and feeling restless right now.

 

 

Edited by bot4life
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Maybe I am in denial, but I believe he has feelings for me too, and things happened this way because of some misunderstandings. I hope if i can reach him, i can explain anything and we can get back together. He is a decent, sincere and caring guy.

 

I am just scared that  am in denial to think that he was not playing with me. All the things that happened between us were so real, and I want to believe that he reacted that way because of some reasons which I dont know of. I definitely like him (maybe I even love him) and I wanna know what could possible have happened. This is really strange...

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I think it would be easier for you to move on if you fabricated a story, like how his phone could have suddenly triggered a black hole which sucked him into a different dimension before closing up and taking him away from your life forever. BUT, there is always a silver lining, that BIG BAD BLACK HOLE while diminishing in its sheer size and ferocity, threw out lucky slivers of lucky strands your way, so that one fine day, you will find someone who will treasure you for who you are and want to be with you till the end of time. 

 

The end.

ksy1f2jn2osi403qdr6f.gif

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Don't u have any other way to contact him? Ig, line, bbm? From your story I think it's a misunderstanding, he probably block u maybe bc someone bout to use his phone or maybe someone did use his phone, saw it text bewildered then block u. I supposed u guys know where each of u live, so if can contact through phone just visit lor....just don't be drama queen bout it.

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13 minutes ago, Carpenter said:

Don't u have any other way to contact him? Ig, line, bbm? From your story I think it's a misunderstanding, he probably block u maybe bc someone bout to use his phone or maybe someone did use his phone, saw it text bewildered then block u. I supposed u guys know where each of u live, so if can contact through phone just visit lor....just don't be drama queen bout it.

 

You can't accuse someone of being a drama queen if his genuine feelings are involved right? Different people process their emotions differently. 

 

And seriously what're the odds that someone went through his phone?

 

Anyway to TS, I wish you all the strength in the world. Just use this as a lesson to become a stronger person. Think positive thoughts and use this time to better yourself instead. Only if you think positive, will you receive positive things back to you. 

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If he really blocked you without any explanation,  then he is a dickhead. 

But in the future,  there is no need to date someone for one month,  with heavy make out sessions but no sex. That might be good if you are dating a girl. I think that having sex on the third date is probably better. You also need to see if both parties are sexually compatible in a timely fashion . For example,  two tops are not compatible. 

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I dont think he only wants to have sex with me. He did tell me that sex isnt his priority and we wont do it until we are officially together. He pulled me back to kiss me because he did not want to leave. He wanted to stay longer because there were feelings developed.

 

I tried every possible way I could think of like LINE, Snapchat chat, using another number to call and text him, but all failed. He is smart no doubt. Unless he chooses to get back to me, I have finally given up reaching out cos nothing worked. I will continue to try using other numbers to text and call him, hoping that he would reply one day.

 

He knows where I live but i dont know where he lives. He has been to my place but I have not been to his place. Thats another issue.

 

I am trying not to be drama about it, but this situation is really different. I cant comprehend. Did you see that he suddenly blocked me when we were texting just fine to arrange for a hangout the next day? It was like you were chatting with someone then one second later he blocked you? It was so strange. I really cannot comprehend.

Edited by bot4life
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1st reason in the beginning u must have lie yr age and he found the truth from yr wallet.2nd he saw u with another guy  or saw u walk into one of the sauna.3rd u might have some  skin disease pass  to him. 4nd his parents discover both are u in a serious relationship from those texting and from his facebook status.5thg he found some one better.

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This guy has the most sensible analysis:

 

13 minutes ago, Traveler3032 said:

But in the future,  there is no need to date someone for one month,  with heavy make out sessions but no sex. That might be good if you are dating a girl. I think that having sex on the third date is probably better. You also need to see if both parties are sexually compatible in a timely fashion . For example,  two tops are not compatible. 

 

You must be rather young. Do learn that its a wild world outside.

Only your parents, teachers, aunties, neighbours would paint life as being a wholesome one. Get real.

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Only the 4th reason seems possible. His parents found out and he got in a fight with them and he decided things must stop because he cant hurt his parents.

 

1. I did not lie about my age or anything about myself to him.

2. I dont go sauna and I am not dating another guy at the same time

3. I dont have skin disease

5. He does not use any apps and he told me he is not seeing anyone else at the same time. He values faithfulness

 

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Just now, keyboard said:

Why don't you buy some expensive gifts for him, like 1k or 2k worth of stuffs. Then it will be easier to face the truth. Though I hope it eventually doesn't end in that way.

 

Erm i dont get you. I cant even talk to him now. How can I buy him gifts?

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10 minutes ago, bot4life said:

 

Erm i dont get you. I cant even talk to him now. How can I buy him gifts?

If he's meant to cheat you, he will appear in due time :)

 

But calm down and try to listen to all the big and small brothers for their valuable advice, it's not easy to understand but necessary for you to think through it. There are a lot of bad people out there (whatever your age may be, if not, we wouldn't have crimes to old people also).

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After 23094808234 posts, it'll still be speculations until he tells you why, and hopefully he does.

 

In the meantime, it's better to focus elsewhere. I believe I don't have to picture an imaginary sad ending to the story of an unrequited love to tell you why.

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yea i agree. the thinking makes me sick. i could not do anything today cos i kept thinking about it. There is really no point guessing until he tells me why.

 

I am asking you guys to share my experience, and ask if you went through it before and could tell me the possible reasons. Nothing makes sense in my situation. Like if the guy slowly does not reply you, loses interests, you can tell and guess the outcome right. This one, everything was going fine, or even was getting better each time, then bum, i was blocked. I am stunned. Thats why I wanna hear from you experiece to make me feel a bit more comfortable.

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Sometimes you/he need time to cool off and think about it from a neutral third person perspective. There are times one can get so caught up that we lose sight of things. Go out. Do the things that make you happy. He may need some time as well. When he is ready to talk, ask for a proper explanation. :)

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Frankly, do you still want a guy who suddenly blocked you without any explanation? My advice to you is, if you are prepared to fall in love, be equally prepared to let go and move on. Its happened once, it is likely to happen again. By then, you might go crazy.

 

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I believe either he found someone else or he just wanna try you out only.. would say that maybe you are his spare tyre?  Perhaps he had a gf/bf/wife already lo ?  

Take it easy .. life is like that... easy come easy go... BTW I believe there someone truly love you along the way.. been a single isn't that bad too . 

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2 hours ago, bot4life said:

Hi all,

I just wanna share my story with you and would like to know if any of you faced the same situation before. I wanna know how did you handle it?

 

I was dating this guy for about one month. Things went really well and I could tell we were really into each other. We kept things traditional, no sex until fully committed (we did not have sex). We went out for movies and meals. We talked and cuddled in my room. It was intimate and the feelings were really true. We were all discreet and we liked how we kept things stable and drama-free in our relationship. Both of us looked forward to every meet-up

 

Two days ago, when we were relaxing in my room, We talked a lot and we cuddled. We kissed passionately and hugged each other so tightly. We could not let go of each other for like 3 hours. Until it was late and I told him he needed to go home before its too late to take public transport. We got off the bed but he still hugged me behind my back, on the way to the door. He pulled me back to the bed and kissed me.

 

Yesterday, we were texting each other normally to arrange for a hangout today. We were discussing which movie to watch and what to eat. Then suddenly he blocked me! I was so shocked. I really had no clue and this got me very sad and puzzled at the same time. Things went fine, and we were progressing well, and we were texting normally some more. Literally, I was texting with him to arrange a hangout and he was replying normally to make the plans more exciting, then suddenly I saw that I was blocked on WhatsApp. I could not reach him through normal phone calls and text as well.

 

I am very sad now because I think I have fallen for him, and this very sudden reaction hurt me so much. The disappearing act without any explanation hurts me even more. I kept thinking about what I have done wrong, but I could not find any reasons. Could you all please share with me what could have possibly happened? Should I find other ways to reach out to him and find out what went wrong? I can definitely buy more sim cards to call and text him because those numbers are not blocked. I am really ready to go all the way like that to chase and get him back because he is worth it. I think there must have been some misunderstandings and I wish to have a chance to explain to him.

 

Please please share your thoughts with me. As you can tell, I am very hurt and feeling restless right now.

 

 

No sex with you for one month. Suddenly, he found sex somewhere else and he blocked you lor ...... 

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1 hour ago, kkkkk said:

Sometimes you/he need time to cool off and think about it from a neutral third person perspective. There are times one can get so caught up that we lose sight of things. Go out. Do the things that make you happy. He may need some time as well. When he is ready to talk, ask for a proper explanation. :)

 

I really hope this is the case that he needs time and space for himself to think, especially we just had a heavy make out session the other day. Maybe he thought it was too fast and he wanted time out? He told me before that with his ex, he also had time out periods, but he did not tell me he would do the time out this way aka blocking me. If this is his way of doing time out, I would have to speak to him the next time when we speak to suggest it is not a good idea. If he wants time out, I will stop texting and calling. He does not have to block me

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41 minutes ago, teatree said:

Frankly, do you still want a guy who suddenly blocked you without any explanation? My advice to you is, if you are prepared to fall in love, be equally prepared to let go and move on. Its happened once, it is likely to happen again. By then, you might go crazy.

 

 

The answer is yes. I want him because I have seen certain things about him that I treasure. I am sure of it. As I said, there must be some very weird things or misunderstanding for him to suddenly disappear like that. Other people disappear after some time of fading out/falling apart. It is not my case I believe.

 

I can let go after not hearing from him for maybe one or two weeks? Someone has suggested, there is no point thinking and beating myself over it since I cannot know the reasons anyway. I cant reach him. He is in control now. He can unblock and talk to me again when he chooses to. Hence I have to learn to relax and wait. There is a limit to how long i can wait of course.

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35 minutes ago, epiphany said:

People can be pretentious. action speaks louder than words. if he wants this. he will contact you. The fact is that he blocked you. 

 

His actions have been very consistent until this act of blocking, which made me seriously worried and puzzled. I would never think he could do it. He told me he does not like to run away from things. If there is any issue, he would prefer to talk and settle between ourselves. This is so unlike him. Everything else fit in nicely with what he said, actions and words, apart from this very sudden block. I cant understand, which is driving me crazy

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2 minutes ago, Carpenter said:

Yea, you need to chill out n stop stressing yourself. It's not even past one day, yet.

Go do something productive to ease it mind

 

Thanks. I have been trying to get back to my studies while listening to some music.

 

Whenever I look at the bed, I think of him though. Haiz.

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While I've not experienced anything like this before, I think it's clear, and established that we'll never know why he did what he did unless he himself ever returns to explain himself. Meanwhile I can understand how you might want some form of closure at least to such an abrupt, unexplained ending. I mean, it's easy for one to say 'just move on' but sometimes that's difficult without any form of closure as it keeps you wondering (especially of your own actions, if you did something wrong that you perhaps worry of doing it again with another person). In cases like this i'm afraid you're going to have to make up your own closure; I do see a way though

 

1 hour ago, bot4life said:

Only the 4th reason seems possible. His parents found out and he got in a fight with them and he decided things must stop because he cant hurt his parents.

 

1. I did not lie about my age or anything about myself to him.

2. I dont go sauna and I am not dating another guy at the same time

3. I dont have skin disease

5. He does not use any apps and he told me he is not seeing anyone else at the same time. He values faithfulness

 

It might not even be the case, but given its your best bet based off your scenario, assume this is the case and let that help you to move on. Of course this also establishes that the other guy is irresponsible on his part to disappear like that without a word, especially in an abrupt manner like that mid-conversation. That also leads me to mention, if and when he does return sometime later, I would strongly suggest for you to think it through before happily getting back together with him without much thought. I understand you do want to get back together; you can hear him out based on whatever he reasons himself with I believe you can make the right choice for yourself. Just be aware that someone that does this might very well do it again  (depending on the circumstances that lead him to doing it in the first place). If you indeed never hear from him ever again, I hope you get the closure you need and find yourself moving forward. All the best =)

It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

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4 minutes ago, Harold&Kumar said:

While I've not experienced anything like this before, I think it's clear, and established that we'll never know why he did what he did unless he himself ever returns to explain himself. Meanwhile I can understand how you might want some form of closure at least to such an abrupt, unexplained ending. I mean, it's easy for one to say 'just move on' but sometimes that's difficult without any form of closure as it keeps you wondering (especially of your own actions, if you did something wrong that you perhaps worry of doing it again with another person). In cases like this i'm afraid you're going to have to make up your own closure; I do see a way though

 

It might not even be the case, but given its your best bet based off your scenario, assume this is the case and let that help you to move on. Of course this also establishes that the other guy is irresponsible on his part to disappear like that without a word, especially in an abrupt manner like that mid-conversation. That also leads me to mention, if and when he does return sometime later, I would strongly suggest for you to think it through before happily getting back together with him without much thought. I understand you do want to get back together; you can hear him out based on whatever he reasons himself with I believe you can make the right choice for yourself. Just be aware that someone that does this might very well do it again  (depending on the circumstances that lead him to doing it in the first place). If you indeed never hear from him ever again, I hope you get the closure you need and find yourself moving forward. All the best =)

 

It is the most possible out of the options but i dont think thats what happened. He lives very independently from his parents and he is not very close to them from what I know. He is super discreet and careful as well, so I dont think anyone else apart from himself knows about the relationship

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12 minutes ago, bot4life said:

 

His actions have been very consistent until this act of blocking, which made me seriously worried and puzzled. I would never think he could do it. He told me he does not like to run away from things. If there is any issue, he would prefer to talk and settle between ourselves. This is so unlike him. Everything else fit in nicely with what he said, actions and words, apart from this very sudden block. I cant understand, which is driving me crazy

Ask yourself this. Is it that difficult to contact you? He is consistently pretending you reckon?

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5 minutes ago, epiphany said:

Ask yourself this. Is it that difficult to contact you? He is consistently pretending you reckon?

 

It is not definitely difficult to contact me. Like I said, he has the cards because if he wants to come back, he would unblock me.

 

My only hope is that something is bothering him, or he faced some misunderstandings/situations, and he needed time to think and be alone. As we were arranging a hangout the next day, he had to disappear for some reasons so I guess he did not want to face me because I would ask questions and ditching someone on a date is not very nice. Hence his action, which I disagree though. If he is scared that I will get angry because he cannot meet me and needs time on his own, he can just tell me.

 

There is something he is not telling me, and I hope it wont turn out to be the worst case scenario

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3 minutes ago, chaowamushi said:

how do you know you got blocked on whatsapp?

 

His display picture disappeared, his last seen disappeared and my message was only delivered (one grey tick). It was not received on his end (two grey ticks) and he definitely did not see it (two blue ticks)

 

He has his dp and he leaves his last seen and blue ticks on jfyi :)

 

So when all those happened at the same time, you know you are blocked

 

That was just blocking on WhatsApp. He blocked my number too so I cant give him a normal call and SMS.

 

I wont be stupid and lie to myself that I am not blocked la. The issue here is why and what happened, and that I want to pursue a relationship with him still

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hmm I mean what if something happened to his phone? actually I'm about as clueless as you are and I know its a crappy position to be in right now. maybe sit and wait it out? the ball is afterall in his court and quite frankly you know you have tried yea?

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2 minutes ago, jo.sam said:

2. Cheesy but: Buy a balloon, go to a quiet emo spot and release it into the sky.
That balloon represents him. Before you release it, think of the times you spent together. And know that you will never see that balloon again. Take however long as you want to hold on to that balloon. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 30 minutes. An hour. 4 hours. Just release it before going, and watch it float to the sky. Say goodbye.

 

oh dear sam this is quite wonderful I think I'll do just that one of these days.

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Just now, chaowamushi said:

 

oh dear sam this is quite wonderful I think I'll do just that one of these days.

 

We all have loved ones we never see again. Those of us who don't are lucky. I did this when my best friend passed on and I was studying overseas. I did not get to say good bye.

 

I guess we know and love what we have only after knowing what we've lost.

 

 

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3 hours ago, bot4life said:

Hi all,

I just wanna share my story with you and would like to know if any of you faced the same situation before. I wanna know how did you handle it?

 

I was dating this guy for about one month. Things went really well and I could tell we were really into each other. We kept things traditional, no sex until fully committed (we did not have sex). We went out for movies and meals. We talked and cuddled in my room. It was intimate and the feelings were really true. We were all discreet and we liked how we kept things stable and drama-free in our relationship. Both of us looked forward to every meet-up

 

Two days ago, when we were relaxing in my room, We talked a lot and we cuddled. We kissed passionately and hugged each other so tightly. We could not let go of each other for like 3 hours. Until it was late and I told him he needed to go home before its too late to take public transport. We got off the bed but he still hugged me behind my back, on the way to the door. He pulled me back to the bed and kissed me.

 

Yesterday, we were texting each other normally to arrange for a hangout today. We were discussing which movie to watch and what to eat. Then suddenly he blocked me! I was so shocked. I really had no clue and this got me very sad and puzzled at the same time. Things went fine, and we were progressing well, and we were texting normally some more. Literally, I was texting with him to arrange a hangout and he was replying normally to make the plans more exciting, then suddenly I saw that I was blocked on WhatsApp. I could not reach him through normal phone calls and text as well.

 

I am very sad now because I think I have fallen for him, and this very sudden reaction hurt me so much. The disappearing act without any explanation hurts me even more. I kept thinking about what I have done wrong, but I could not find any reasons. Could you all please share with me what could have possibly happened? Should I find other ways to reach out to him and find out what went wrong? I can definitely buy more sim cards to call and text him because those numbers are not blocked. I am really ready to go all the way like that to chase and get him back because he is worth it. I think there must have been some misunderstandings and I wish to have a chance to explain to him.

 

Please please share your thoughts with me. As you can tell, I am very hurt and feeling restless right now.

 

 

Sorry to read about what had happened to you. I see that many had given you some really good suggestions. Reading your post. I have a few questions and hopefully you can answer me so that I can give you my point of view.

1. How old is he and how old are you?
2. How did you met him? Via apps? Bw forum?
3. How many times had you guys met during these month?
4. Who usually do the texting first?
5. What do you like about him?

 

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14 minutes ago, chaowamushi said:

hmm I mean what if something happened to his phone? actually I'm about as clueless as you are and I know its a crappy position to be in right now. maybe sit and wait it out? the ball is afterall in his court and quite frankly you know you have tried yea?

 

Well when i used my friend's phone to call him, it rings normallly.

 

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18 minutes ago, jo.sam said:

@bot4life, I feel for you, I really do. I've been in your position before when I was in NS (except we had sex) so I know how it feels. This is young love, and it's sad but we all go through it. It's only been one day, but my hunch is that he is not coming back, EVER. And the hurt you're feeling will only snowball.

 

My short advice to you, and what I would tell my heartbroken self back then is this: You need to find ways to move on and stop contacting him.

 

The long advice is this: It is difficult, because even though you guys were not officially together, you felt deeply for him. You're now in a state where it hasn't officially ended - there was no break up, no goodbye, no major fight to seal your fate. In that sense, its harder than a usual break up since there's no closure. I can think of several reasons why he would behave like an asshole.

 

1. He wasn't ready to be deeply involved.

2. He just wasn't THAT into you

3. He was dating a few people and he picked someone else over you.

 

And of course, he did not communicate this to you. Either way, he's gone and out of your life now and you need to find a way to give yourself closure even if it did not happen to you. You can:

 

1. Write him a goodbye letter but DON'T SEND IT TO HIM OR LET ANYONE READ IT.

The purpose of this is to pour out your grief. In this letter, be sure to say goodbye to him. Thank him for the sweet memories, and cherish him forever if you so wish, but you must say goodbye. A handwritten note is much more cathartic, and by all means, cry and cry and cry if you want. When you're done, burn it so no one can see the evidence.

 

2. Cheesy but: Buy a balloon, go to a quiet emo spot and release it into the sky.
That balloon represents him. Before you release it, think of the times you spent together. And know that you will never see that balloon again. Take however long as you want to hold on to that balloon. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 30 minutes. An hour. 4 hours. Just release it before going, and watch it float to the sky. Say goodbye.

 

Emo? Yes. Drama queen? Maybe. But there's nothing wrong with being emo or a drama queen. We've all had our hearts broken before whether its a break up or the death of family/close ones. Do whatever it takes to be happy.

 

You owe it to yourself.

 

 

Thank you man. You really eased my mind. I have learned not to speculate anymore because the process only makes my mind really tired and I cannot do anything.

 

However, I will do what I can to get him back or at least let him know that I care and I treasure what we had. I will buy sim cards to text and call him to let him know what I feel. I am prepared to do that for a period of time until I got the clear sign from him that he does not want to continue at all.

 

Hence, I dont care about the reasons anymore until I hear it from him. I just wanna do my part to honor what we have had so far. I dont wanna give up just like that. Thats just me. I will fight for the relationship, but I wont be foolish until I hurt myself so much.

 

I have already prepared a message to send him one last time when I use a new phone number to contact him. I hope he will read it and things will change. If not, like you said, I pour out my heart to him and after that, if i dont get a response, I will move on.

 

The balloon idea is really sweet. Thinking of it already helps me relaxed a lot :)

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11 minutes ago, GachiMuchi said:

Sorry to read about what had happened to you. I see that many had given you some really good suggestions. Reading your post. I have a few questions and hopefully you can answer me so that I can give you my point of view.

1. How old is he and how old are you?
2. How did you met him? Via apps? Bw forum?
3. How many times had you guys met during these month?
4. Who usually do the texting first?
5. What do you like about him?

 

 

1. He is 29 and I am 23.

2. I met him through the app. Both his and mine profile are blank. And he deleted the app first before I did and he said he only uses the app to find someone possible for dates. When he is with someone, even during dating, he will remove it. Hence he shows that he does not want to date many at the same time

3. We have met each other 6 times during this one month. It is because we are mostly free on weekends only. We sometimes met on week day but rarely.

4. Both of us would text first whenever we had something to share or to ask. I would say, my "texting experience" was great, no complaint. No rules on who text first, no bother about waiting time and there is always a reply despite there may be some lag due to both being busy. Deep sharing about personal views on life and whats happening in our lives.

5. He is kind and caring. Very gentle. He is accommodating as well. He is quiet but thoughtful. He likes to pamper me (and please I dont ever think of making use of him). His thoughts are mature and he gives a very reliable vibe (because he is 29). When I am with him, I feel so much at ease. We can just be together without much words being exchanged. Looks wise, he is quite fit, nice chest and shoulder and a bit of tummy (which I like to poke). His face is cute and I cant get enough of his smile.

 

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