How open are you? (open about your relationship)

[Oopiess]

I am quite a conservative person. so i am not someone who will show affection in public even if its holding hands or a playful peck on the cheek. (more so if its with the same gender due to the stigma and social norm here in sg) also i'm closeted so it doesn't help much. 

i had a few friends who were quite open with their relationship and don't mind holding hands in public. i have been asked if i am fine being open in showing affection (not to the point of pda) as one of the requirement to be his date, i failed. 

so i am just curious. how many of you guys actually mind or not.

 

Edit1: thinking about it, i think if no one is around to see it im fine... or better yet. if i didnt feel that people will be disgusted by it i'll feel more inclined to be affectionate.

 

Edit2: To be a little more clear, i am not trying to make this out into a "would you show PDA in public", rather im trying to ask if you are fine with being in an Open Relationship with your partner. i guess my mistake cause i do conflate OR and PDA into somewhat similar things, maybe its just me but can someone enlighten me how OR for gay people can be shown? i may be ignorant or oblivious but i am willing to understand/learn XD

Edited February 29, 2016 by Oopiess
extra info

[Sinon]

Actually in my case my boyfriend is very discrt.but im open.but we try to make ends meet.if his willing to lower his expectation and so do i its really ok.having a relationship is more than being open.you dont have to show the world that your a couple.its the people close to you that matter.we dont hold hands but i know that he loves me and thats enough for me.that is just small compared to the many issues that will come along the way in same sex relationship

[Oopiess]

that's nice to know  

probably it really depends on individual people's level of comfortable-ness.

[Oopiess]

just bumping this up  i am curious about other's views

[Crispy96]

I am quite open. Not that I have come out but more like I don't really care what the public thinks of me. 

In my previous relationship, my bf had the same mindset. So people can really spot us as a gay couple in public. We didn't do PDA though, a bit too cheesy.

But my recent date is a bit more conservative. Quite a few problems have happened and we are still adjusting ourselves to it. He makes effort to catch up with me and I try to be patient and wait.

 

[Sir.Stokie]

..

Edited May 11, 2017 by Sir.Stokie

[Crispy96]

7 minutes ago, Sir.Stokie said:

Eh...when ppl talk about open relationship. ..they dun mean public display of affection  (PDA).

 

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship. This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or a long-term relationship, such as marriage

I don't think OP got mentioned any open relationship in his post leh

[Sir.Stokie]

..

Edited May 11, 2017 by Sir.Stokie

[Oopiess]

2 hours ago, horny96 said:

I don't think OP got mentioned any open relationship in his post leh

maybe i didnt make myself clear enough XD sorry

yes i do mean Open Relationship in that sense. i just didnt know how to describe it well enough that it doesnt sound like PDA . that is my mistake sorry!

[lonely57]

I'd still do what is considered acceptable in terms of straight PDA.. Not until go and smooch for long periods of time or start reaching into each others pants. 

 

Holding hands. Hugs. Peck to the cheek are fine with me.. Now if only I have a boyfriend. Mhmmm..

[Guest 72%dark]

Interesting question, but I didn't select any of the choices in your poll because to me it's dependent not just on my own feelings but on other factors: (1) the comfort level of the significant other (i.e. even though I'm personally not averse to showing mild displays of affection in public, like holding hands for instance, I wouldn't do it if I felt this made the significant other uncomfortable); (2) the specific context (e.g. in a large public space with a lot of random strangers is one thing, in a conservative place of worship is another thing).

 

And by the way, I should also point out that if you're observant, you'll notice that couples (gay or straight it doesn't matter) actually often exhibit subtle body language and other behavioral cues – without necessarily realizing it – that give away the fact that they're a couple, e.g. the way they position themselves and move in relation to each other, the way they respond to the other half's speech, etc. In other words, you often don't need any PDA to tell when two people are a couple; being overly worried about being identified as such is probably a waste of time and energy. 

[daydreamingfish]

I'm a little needy on touch.

Not to the extent of latching onto my boyfriend like a koala or sticking my tongue into his mouth. But if where many of us were living in now were a lot more tolerant/friendly, I would be pretty warm and fuzzy just holding hands, brief hugs and maybe just a peck on the lips without having to wait for quiet opportunities.

For now, I'll just be content with occasional and fleeting moments of hand-holding in quiet bus rides etc.

 

I think it's alright if you are not so inclined to showing affection that way. Besides the obvious fact that we live in such an environment...some people just don't show affection like that (they are more comfortable with showing affection through words and gifts) or are perhaps, simply not comfortable with PDA.

[Oopiess]

8 hours ago, 72%dark said:

Interesting question, but I didn't select any of the choices in your poll because to me it's dependent not just on my own feelings but on other factors: (1) the comfort level of the significant other (i.e. even though I'm personally not averse to showing mild displays of affection in public, like holding hands for instance, I wouldn't do it if I felt this made the significant other uncomfortable); (2) the specific context (e.g. in a large public space with a lot of random strangers is one thing, in a conservative place of worship is another thing).

 

True, these factors do definitely affect your final choice. accommodation/adaptable relationship symbiosis is of course needed

[Ironrod]

I think r/s is between 2 person (or 3 person?). Why would any 2 lovers purposely do something for show?

I stare at my bf becos i can't get my eyes off him. I rub this belly becos it's fun. I pinch his face so that he gets pissed and that makes me happy.

I never did any of these to show others we are in love - becos really love is between us - just 2 of us.

So what was your question again?

Edited March 3, 2016 by Ironrod

[doncoin]

My family is pretty open, at family gatherings etc. when my partner and I sit together, hold hands etc. they just treat it like normal, as my other cousins would with their significant other. Just socially acceptable signs of affection. 

[lovehandle]

On ‎3‎/‎3‎/‎2016 at 0:08 AM, Ironrod said:

\. I rub this belly becos it's fun. I pinch his face so that he gets pissed and that makes me happy.

I never did any of these to show others we are in love - becos really love is between us - just 2 of us.

So what was your question again?

 

On ‎3‎/‎3‎/‎2016 at 3:58 AM, doncoin said:

My family is pretty open, at family gatherings etc. when my partner and I sit together, hold hands etc. they just treat it like normal, as my other cousins would with their significant other. Just socially acceptable signs of affection. 

Iron rod 

Is his belly as steel hardish like your rod? so envious of your rubbing

Doncoin, this is really very very open esp the cousins accepted it so well, and I trust u r about 20-30yo??

[doncoin]

2 hours ago, lovehandle said:

 

Iron rod 

Is his belly as steel hardish like your rod? so envious of your rubbing

Doncoin, this is really very very open esp the cousins accepted it so well, and I trust u r about 20-30yo??

 

 I am in my early 40s. 

[Clickclock]

I would be very very open! XD willing to go all out and hold hands in public and display my affection to my would be boyfriend.

still trying hard to find that special someone for me though, its hard!

[lovehandle]

19 minutes ago, doncoin said:

 

 I am in my early 40s. 

good loh more experienced and more daring

[PerfectXayne]

I used to be a very conservative and introverted person by nature. I feared the judgemental eyes of the public and the condescending display of attitude, but over the years the extroversion happened after enough decent exposure to various LGBT-related events, talks, camps, etc where I slowly became comfortable about who I am.

 

Then again, I definitely respect my partner's decision if we're on a different level of openness. It's not always the priority because there are other means to display affection for each other.

[doncoin]

7 hours ago, lovehandle said:

good loh more experienced and more daring

 

Well, I came out to my immediate family in my early 20s. My mother's initial response was like "I suspected it long time ago..." it was not easy for her. I think she struggled at first, and thankfully, she finally got it. This is not going to change the fact that I am her son. 

 

Then my mother outed me to the whole family. My grandmother had asked my mother if I have any girlfriend. My mother's reply was something like, "Girlfriend? Where got? Boyfriend lah!" Since then, she has met the guys I dated, some have met my entire family at gatherings etc. We would sit side by side, hold hands, lean on each other, but no kissing, sometimes, we wink at each other. 

 

At work, I am openly gay. Clients know it, bosses know it. No one cares. Except how well you perform at your job. 

[lovehandle]

ooops good that they can accept it


Sweet to hear that, very envy too
 

[doncoin]

5 minutes ago, lovehandle said:

ooops good that they can accept it


Sweet to hear that, very envy too
 

Thank you. I think from young, my immediate and extended family always think I am the odd one. So being gay, is just one part of my oddity to them. 

 

I think being openly gay means never having to apologise for who I am. I am not ashamed of me, or my relationship, or my significant other. 

 

I think acceptance comes when my mother realised that I am still who I am. Like most misinformed mothers of her generation, her immediate concern with me being gay is not much I like guys, but HIV/ADIS. To her mind, she thinks being gay equals to having AIDS. It took a few years of education, and having honest and awkward conversations about my sex life for her to finally understand that being gay does not mean having AIDS. 

 

As the rest of my extended family, I don't think they really care that I am gay. They see me happy, and they are happy. They embrace my partner into the family. My grandmother is always asking about him etc. despite not speaking English. So it is fun watching the 2 of them trying to have a conversation. 

 

Life is yours to make what you want out of it. I choose to come out to my family early so that I do not have to lie, or deal with shame issues etc. By being honest with myself, and to my family, friends, and at work, nobody can ever use my sexuality as means of blackmail, guilt or shame. 

 

 

 

[lovehandle]

8 hours ago, doncoin said:

Thank you. I think from young, my immediate and extended family always think I am the odd one. So being gay, is just one part of my oddity to them. 

 

I think being openly gay means never having to apologise for who I am. I am not ashamed of me, or my relationship, or my significant other. 

 

I think acceptance comes when my mother realised that I am still who I am. Like most misinformed mothers of her generation, her immediate concern with me being gay is not much I like guys, but HIV/ADIS. To her mind, she thinks being gay equals to having AIDS. It took a few years of education, and having honest and awkward conversations about my sex life for her to finally understand that being gay does not mean having AIDS. 

 

As the rest of my extended family, I don't think they really care that I am gay. They see me happy, and they are happy. They embrace my partner into the family. My grandmother is always asking about him etc. despite not speaking English. So it is fun watching the 2 of them trying to have a conversation. 

 

Life is yours to make what you want out of it. I choose to come out to my family early so that I do not have to lie, or deal with shame issues etc. By being honest with myself, and to my family, friends, and at work, nobody can ever use my sexuality as means of blackmail, guilt or shame. 

 

 

 

So your partner is more of a non-Chinese speaker?

very gracious family!