Should I continue with him?

[Guest]

Your bf is a CUNT and an arsehole. You are plain STUPID and blind. End of story. 

[Guest]

Gosh.. this sounds like a replay of my life here. When I was younger, I love to travel too. There are indeed times I would take additional transits just to clock the additional miles as well. I had all the time in the world to do so when I was young, but I guess I don't do that anymore. The prawns-thingie is a bit too much though, asking you to go wash your hands each time you do so. Does he have some OCD issues on cleanliness or something.

 

I think the problem here is more an age gap problem. You are 37 and he is at 29. Like it or not, you are living in 2 different worlds. You are at the age when you are happy to give. But he is at the age where he will just take for granted. It will strain you a lot, till you learn how to hold back on your givings, and live a life of your own, or give up and look for someone more compatible to your age group.

[angel_dust]

Can't believe that you're still with him after all these while. Apart from the aforementioned, you didn't mention how much money you've lavished on him. I really don't know what's so great about him since he has neither looks nor personality, ok, to be fair, he's average-looking and that's about it. All along he's with you only for the money, nothing else. I guess he just appeared at the right place and time. As i've told our mutual friend, I even suspected that he used some black magic or love spell shit on you given his nationality because I simply cannot think of any other explanations why you have been so obsessed with him.

 

WAKE UP and cut that asshole off, you're much better than that. Why give up the forest for a rotten tree ?

[Guest XaMen]

Picturehouse, he is playing psychological games with you lo:

 

1) When you say him, he will "scold you + you are my best bf, ect". this is to insult you and pull you back so you will let it go(high EQ on the pulling back part but low EQ for insulting you).

 

2) "you r ugly...." all this is to make you feel inferior, if you breakup with him, not one will like you already. he keep on drilling this idea(no one will like you again) into you mind and slowly you accept it and will have low self-esteem. (mind game- poison you brain slowly)

 

3) he do not let you use toilet, is he in hurry to go somewhere else? i doubt so. he just want to train you like a pet so you will listen to everything he say like puppy.(make you listen to everything he say, go west, go south. Showing you who is the boss)

 

4) he keep in give you cold shoulder, so when he open up to you once in a while you will feel like tio 4D, will cherish him.(setting super low bar like stagnant stock market. flat line is normal, shoot up a bit you will be happy, like bonus)

 

Therefore, he just want accompany at times. so he do not want you to talk and know his feeling. he do not care about what happen to your day or others, he just need a body at his side to feel comfortable.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finish analysis for you. keywords: insult, inferior, pet, tio 4D

Good Luck to your future with(out) him.

[tyan]

it all depend if all these things u r doing is worthwhile.

I will also give unconditionally to the person i like.

Does he treat other differently? If he is affectionate to others like gals, then i think u need to seriously reconsider this relationship.

[teatree]

You don't have to breakup with him.  Just stay away for a while and see him less often.  Open the window and let in a fresh breeze of air to cool things down.

 

Remember, when you meet him, don't ask "how are you feeling today?" 

[Guest]

Hey TS, I have found myself in your shoes before (though I hadn't actually last that long with him) and I understand that it isn't easy to break away when you're so into him.

 

Maybe he's not the one for you, because you deserve so much more. And perhaps loving yourself first is necessary before others can love you back.  

 

p/s: the advices in this thread here are very very relevant, but you have to act on them before any change can happen. cheeeeeeeers  

[Guest]

Well, we have heard a lot from the TS but we have not heard from the other side of the story.  Although I doubt after all we have read that the other side of the story will change our impression much.  However I ask the following questions:

 

1. If the bf is so shitty, what is it that the TS love about him?  Is there nothing, no good memories to love above the bf?  Or is it just lust then?

2. If the bf thinks that the TS is ugly etc, why does the bf stay on?  Is the TS like filthy rich and able to give him everything he needs?  If the bf is good looking enough, I am sure he will not have problem finding another sugar bro/dad.  Is he just waiting for a better catch?  Staying on for 5 years with a person seems too long for a ship-bailer.

3. Has the TS actually asked the bf what is it that bf wants and what is the bf's reply?

4. Why in the first place did the bf even agree to get together with the TS?

5. Is the bf sick of the TS already?  What has the TS done to improve himself in the relationship?  If the bf has grown up, he has started working, started grooming himself better, is more cautious/closeted when outside, gotten to know more people, is more financially independent and wish to see the world when he is young, is that really wrong?

6. Is the bf feeling guilty and would rather the TS be the person to initiate the break-up so he will be the "good guy" under onlookers' impression?

7. Does the bf pays for his own trip or does the TS pays for everything?

8. 8 years is not a big gap at all.  Has the TS bothered to put himself in the shoes of the bf?

 

I am not in anyway consenting to the bf's action but it is always good to hear both sides of the story.  My advice to the TS is similar to the others though.  You are not that young anymore and do not have many 5 years to waste.  You are looking for a life-companion, but your bf may not be the one or is not ready yet.  Tying him down may not be the best option.  Neither is this a call for you to initiate a break-up.  Just learn to love yourself.  If as you claim you are doing so much for him, once you stop/cut-down, there are a few possible outcomes:

 

a) he will learn to treasure all you have done and start to make effort for the r/s (best case scenario)

b) he leaves you and finds some other sugardad claiming you don't treat him well anymore (still good for you, you rid yourself of a leech and let him be another person's issue)

c) he leaves you but does not find anyone else because he wants to play (then hope he gets HIV, he is not worth your time and he will not be the one pushing you in a wheelchair or wiping up after you defecate when you are old, and when he grows old he better hope he has enough savings to hire someone to do that for him)

d) he still leaves you but realizes he is not as great as he thinks and is not able to find another person as good as you have been to him and regrets (then is up to you to play hard-to-get, take him back or be a good horse)

 

Everyday you drag this is one day of your remaining youth gone.  Better be decisive and take action.

[Guest]

Aiyo no need give so much advice. Live and let live. Just sit back and watch the train wreck happens. Maybe can report to Stomp or 晚报 later.

[Guest Guest]

Hi TS, 

 

I have read your situation and felt very pity for you but I have a similar friend and he's just two years older than me and we are in the same year for university. We are very close friends that people ship us together. 

 

But anywho this friend of mine who is older than me behave like a little kid and yes he will insult me at times, throw tantrums sort of "bully" me. But I did stick to him cause firstly I believe someone wont be close until they dare to insult each other without feeling hurt. We will like saying to each CB face, LJ face, f*** you. I do get offended sometimes like he will say sh*t you etc and we do fight like a couple. And he will always love to annoy the hell out of me that I cant stand him and he will always deny he is a kid whenever I call him and say I am the little kid cause I am younger than him. 

 

But whenever I think back, it's just a way for him to get my attention. He doesnt know how so he has to resort to such ways and whenever I am unhappy i voiced it out or sleep on it. Cause I learnt that you should voice it out and not keep it to yourself. 

 

And i have been in your situation where the love was not reciprocated and I had a horrible experience. Everyday I say to myself please let there be something where i can just totally forgot everything about him. One day we had a huge fight that he let out mean words and well it did cut me deeply but it was the happiest day of my life as it released the invisible shackles around me. My prayer was answered. Ever since then the feeling for him do come back occasionally but then it died out till I met a new one. 

 

You have to change within yourself in order to find true happines and love

[Guest Guest 你要幸福哦]

Picturehouse...you seem a nice person 

...I hope you will learn to love yourself ..

I have been through what you have gone through and I broke up after more than 10 years ..life still goes on though initially it may be hard to bear..time is the best medicine though you may not forget everything the good and bad memories that both have had...

Take a break ...learn to let go.

Wishing you Happiness always no matter what . Don't be too hard on yourself )

[Media]

 

 

[Guest Guest]

[Media]

 

[PictureHouse]

8 hours ago, Guest Guest 你要幸福哦 said:

 

Xiexie o.  我会。 he's also.good.person.    sometimes, just that I spoilt him

 

 

 

Picturehouse...you seem a nice person 

...I hope you will learn to love yourself ..

I have been through what you have gone through and I broke up after more than 10 years ..life still goes on though initially it may be hard to bear..time is the best medicine though you may not forget everything the good and bad memories that both have had...

Take a break ...learn to let go.

Wishing you Happiness always no matter what . Don't be too hard on yourself )

[Media]

 

 

 

 

[FluteGuan]

No more updates about actual true love liao oei

[fab]

No news is good news.

 

Edited May 16, 2016 by fab

[J0Boo]

You peeled prawns for him? WHY? He hands all cut off? Personally I think your bf needs to freaking grow up~ 

 

He always feel that you are not good looking and no to his liking...this means he doesn't even love you. If he loves you he won't care so much about your appearance.

[PictureHouse]

No lah,  I peeled the prawns for him on.my own accord and I enjoy to see him enjoying it.

 

[lovehandle]

23 minutes ago, PictureHouse said:

No lah,  I peeled the prawns for him on.my own accord and I enjoy to see him enjoying it.

 

many partners enjoyed peeling prawns and spoonfeeding, so nothing unusual

[HydroNaut]

The more I read this article I find that it is like the TS bought all these upon himself （自作孽不可活）

 

Firstly, you are a willing victim, knowingly being treated like a piece of shit and yet you carry on to endure it. Even from the start, you have set on the wrong foot, you persistently pursue something that truly will not belong to you, even if he might have be together with you it will always set yourself lower than him. Going after physique appearance have a limit, you know your limit...dun push it.

 

I dunno if there is any monetary benefits from the relationship, if there is....it makes every right sense why you bf wanna be with you(TS).

 

Born Ugly is not a crime or sin....but being getting so low in your esteem is truly not the right thing to do.

 

To TS: why dun you try going with someone who love you more, older than you, uglier than you. Love him as what he is... Then you will understand what is called "爱人是痛苦的，被爱是幸福的"

[suckmegood]

it's actually very painful to go thru the story. brings back some unhappy memories. 

 

not easy to let it go as its been many years but I think you deserve better. do yourself some good and let him go. 

 

找一根更好的对象。给自己该有的生活。

[PictureHouse]

I feel that it is better without him.... 

 

Do I feel more hapiness or sadness when I'm with him? 

 

Its definitely more sadness and disappointment. 

 

Recently, he has been down with a bad flu and fever. 

 

I took great care of him like.making luo han guo tea,  purposely making a trip to NEX NTUC to buy him what he had requested ie.  A box of cream.cracker and some MILO. 

 

I went to grab a box of 单眼老凉茶

 

I would constantly ask him what is his temp and what time did he last took paracetamol.   He always didn't want to answer me and simply replied " don't know "

 

When I asked.what is his temp,  he asked me.back " what is the temp for fever? "

 

I said 36.9 ( I realized this is a wrong answer )

 

Upon hearing, he simply ignored my earlier qn as to what is his temp. 

 

He's really wierdo

 

 

Slowly, I was infected with the flu. 

 

When it's my turn, he didn't bother about me.

 

I feel really sad.   Really really sad 

 

 

[Guest Reply]

14 hours ago, PictureHouse said:

I feel that it is better without him.... 

 

Do I feel more hapiness or sadness when I'm with him? 

 

Its definitely more sadness and disappointment. 

 

Recently, he has been down with a bad flu and fever. 

 

I took great care of him like.making luo han guo tea,  purposely making a trip to NEX NTUC to buy him what he had requested ie.  A box of cream.cracker and some MILO. 

 

I went to grab a box of 单眼老凉茶

 

I would constantly ask him what is his temp and what time did he last took paracetamol.   He always didn't want to answer me and simply replied " don't know "

 

When I asked.what is his temp,  he asked me.back " what is the temp for fever? "

 

I said 36.9 ( I realized this is a wrong answer )

 

Upon hearing, he simply ignored my earlier qn as to what is his temp. 

 

He's really wierdo

 

 

Slowly, I was infected with the flu. 

 

When it's my turn, he didn't bother about me.

 

I feel really sad.   Really really sad 

 

 

 

At first it's sad, now it seems like you are just throwing yourself a giant pity party and moping online for scraps of sympathy. 

 

You feel its better without him 

You feel more sadness and disappointment with him

You act like a little girl when he is sick and doesn't want to answer your question

You call him a WEIRDO

You feel sad when you get sick and he doesn't care.

 

Wake up please. the only reason you are hurting is because of the EXPECTATIONS you place on the relationship. Because he is my bf, i expect X, XX, and XXX. Should my bf not meet these expectations (even if they are such TINY expectations), I will be upset.

 

You are a man. Please grow a pair, pull yourself together and love yourself. You dont need some guy who has been treating you badly to dictate your emotions and life. 

 

GO BE FREE! it will hurt like crap at first, but start the healing process faster. The more you come here and behave like a sad little victim, the MORE it will hurt later bro. 

 

 

[Guest guest]

i think it is time to be rational. Be truthful to yourself. It is time to let go and i am sure it will be good for you in the long term. Who knows a better guy will come to your life. At times it is better to let go someone whom you love after you find that over time your LTR has became diluted. Move on ya.... dont fall into much self pity. It will be bad for your health.

[justanotherme]

Good that you know how to love and care for someone.

 

Now, go get yourself a hammer. Hit your head hard with it to knock some sense into yourself.

 

Once that is done, sign yourself up for the following courses:

1. How to stop fooling myself

2. How to love myself

3. How do I be less needy

 

It appears to me that you are afraid of letting go of a relationship fearing that you cannot find another one, or you will miss your old flame. That is silly. Which "True love" would treat you like trash? And if he is not the one, what for cling onto him like and be treated like parasite?

So stop finding excuses for him to make yourself feel less worst. 

 

There is nothing wrong in you wanting to care for someone you love. But the problem is, he does not enjoy that. So stop doing things that will turn him off. Here comes the next question: If I don't show my concern towards him, aren't the two of us as good as strangers? Precisely, dump him and give yourself a break.

 

Personally, I do not like it if my other half was to be too eager in showing his affection openly. The social norm does not permit two guys to behave intimately and I am a shallow freak who do not like to be shown in the wrong limelight.

 

Good luck

[mate69]

Omg TS u mean u are STILL with that douchebag? What the f are u still waiting for? Ugh. 

 

Grow up. Grow some spine and have some pride lah.

[Sg boi]

Share mine too. Been w this guy I knew from Grindr, we began from sex buddy then now become 'couple'. Found him recently on Grindr again (I have removed mine ever since we got tgt, reinstall using another profile to check whether he also remove as he said he did, the one I saw was who then?). Many may say he probably just chat or seek friends, i chat him up using the other profile and he agreed to have fun with. Shall I confront him or act blur (like now)? I still love him though.

[watdehell]

You are the only one who knows what is good for both, TS. He wants freedom, you should give him it. 

 

It sounds cruel, but do you want to live days by days with this fear and stress ? Let him see you as a different person, a better person by leaving him. He will respect you more than you are being with him now. 

[Guest It is time to wake up ....]

 

[fab]

I think your relationship is doomed to be a failure right from the start with both of you being btms. Imagine the amount of frustration he has pent up? Think of pan jing lian.

 

I m sure if u can man up n give him a hard screw, he will definitely be submissive n give u all the respects u deserve.

[lonelyglobe]

"刹那之间我才了解， 你这样男人要的不只是爱
什麽時候該給你关怀，什麽時候我又应该走开"

[Ironrod]

Ahahah it's a S&M relationship.

 

Just change your bf title to "Master" and u just be his good "Slave boy" - see? The problem is you have been sticking yourself with the wrong label that's why all these saddness.

 

Once u label yourself correctly, it all make sense - u will serve your master with pride and joy.

 

U will suffer for him and do his bidding  WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN.

 

Becos you are simply a "Slave" a born object for his use.

 

If you still have doubts, u can ask your master to contact me. I can teach him how to be a good master and give u a more "meaningful" life.

[Michael Tan]

Just today, i happen to read from facebook a new word

 

ASKHOLE - define as someone who keep on seeking advice from others but does the exact opposite.

[Guest Fatty]

On 21 May 2016 at 3:19 PM, PictureHouse said:

I feel that it is better without him.... 

 

Do I feel more hapiness or sadness when I'm with him? 

 

Its definitely more sadness and disappointment. 

 

Recently, he has been down with a bad flu and fever. 

 

I took great care of him like.making luo han guo tea,  purposely making a trip to NEX NTUC to buy him what he had requested ie.  A box of cream.cracker and some MILO. 

 

I went to grab a box of 单眼老凉茶

 

I would constantly ask him what is his temp and what time did he last took paracetamol.   He always didn't want to answer me and simply replied " don't know "

 

When I asked.what is his temp,  he asked me.back " what is the temp for fever? "

 

I said 36.9 ( I realized this is a wrong answer )

 

Upon hearing, he simply ignored my earlier qn as to what is his temp. 

 

He's really wierdo

 

 

Slowly, I was infected with the flu. 

 

When it's my turn, he didn't bother about me.

 

I feel really sad.   Really really sad 

 

 

Hello Maria 

[Guest Fuck him]

19 hours ago, Sg boi said:

Share mine too. Been w this guy I knew from Grindr, we began from sex buddy then now become 'couple'. Found him recently on Grindr again (I have removed mine ever since we got tgt, reinstall using another profile to check whether he also remove as he said he did, the one I saw was who then?). Many may say he probably just chat or seek friends, i chat him up using the other profile and he agreed to have fun with. Shall I confront him or act blur (like now)? I still love him though.

Definitely takes him out for fun and look at his reaction when he sees you and wait for his explanation. Then fuck Him upside down and dump him after that.... Be a man!

[Guest Guest]

2 hours ago, Guest Fuck him said:

Definitely takes him out for fun and look at his reaction when he sees you and wait for his explanation. Then fuck Him upside down and dump him after that.... Be a man!

 

I highly doubt that's how real men will react. that's like a girly jealous method to practice 

[Guest Guest]

On 5/23/2016 at 6:15 PM, Guest Fuck him said:

Definitely takes him out for fun and look at his reaction when he sees you and wait for his explanation. Then fuck Him upside down and dump him after that.... Be a man!

 

Very good advice! I would do that too!

[Guest Guest]

On 5/22/2016 at 3:08 AM, fab said:

I think your relationship is doomed to be a failure right from the start with both of you being btms. Imagine the amount of frustration he has pent up? Think of pan jing lian.

 

I m sure if u can man up n give him a hard screw, he will definitely be submissive n give u all the respects u deserve.

 

How do you know that they are both bottoms? If they are, then thats really stupid!

[fab]

Stated in front.

[KENZ]

TS ar...why you so lotus roots...how you got yourself tangled in such a mess...???

One willing to be made use...the other willing to make use....u guys are perfect match....

 

i share with you something i read before ( can't recall where )

The gist of it goes..if the 2 of you break up,....he lose someone who truly love him alot and care for him...

you on the other hand lose someone who have no feelings for you and find you a pest... 

Who is the pathetic one? You come to your own conclusion...i do hope you find your way out and have proper closure. 

[fab]

11 minutes ago, KENZ said:

TS ar...why you so lotus roots...how you got yourself tangled in such a mess...???

One willing to be made use...the other willing to make use....u guys are perfect match....

 

i share with you something i read before ( can't recall where )

The gist of it goes..if the 2 of you break up,....he lose someone who truly love him alot and care for him...

you on the other hand lose someone who have no feelings for you and find you a pest... 

Who is the pathetic one? You come to your own conclusion...i do hope you find your way out and have proper closure. 

 

I think it goes something like this:

 

U lose a person who loves u the most while i lose a person who doesnt love me.

 

in chinese

 

你失去一个宝,我失去一根草。

 

 

[KENZ]

23 minutes ago, fab said:

 

I think it goes something like this:

 

U lose a person who loves u the most while i lose a person who doesnt love me.

 

in chinese

 

你失去一个宝,我失去一根草。

 

 

 

yah quite accurate...is a story i read before....

[Garyl]

放下再难,终得放。Better end it earlier. It will take some time as you are already in the habit. 

[Guest Panda Guest]

Trust your fate. Have faith with it. 

 

Fate brought you two together, but you know it's time to let things go. 

 

When you are back home, home is not the place where you should feel so much loneliness and pain, especially with him within. That's not the home you wanted. 

If you really believe that he's the right one, then the more you should let him go, as it's not the right time together. 

 

If you two are fated, he will be back sometime in the future. 

Otherwise, fate will eventually bring you to someone else. 

 

You never expected to meet him, so why doubt that something else won't happen in the future? 

 

Fate is powerful. It surprises you in sweetest way when you least expect it (sometimes it hurts too, like now). Perhaps it's teaching you the most important lesson in life to prepare you for the upcoming, to let you know what you really need, not want. 

 

 

 

Hopefully when I meet you during next Si Chuan spicy dinner, I'll hear some good news from your side. Take care. 

[PictureHouse]

Thank u: )   haha... 

 

We are better now.    I love him and I know he does too. 

 

Thanks for your valuable inputs.  Next time go makan again ok 

[Sg boi]

On 22 May 2016 at 1:19 PM, Sg boi said:

Share mine too. Been w this guy I knew from Grindr, we began from sex buddy then now become 'couple'. Found him recently on Grindr again (I have removed mine ever since we got tgt, reinstall using another profile to check whether he also remove as he said he did, the one I saw was who then?). Many may say he probably just chat or seek friends, i chat him up using the other profile and he agreed to have fun with. Shall I confront him or act blur (like now)? I still love him though.

 After struggling for so long, we finally came to the end. I still love u though. Well, I should wake up from my dream for your u-turn, all the best.

[Guest Guest]

Yeah right!!

Picturehouse loved to be used and his bf love to use him- it's better indeed!

[Guest Job Welch]

Leave him. Find a girl. Period.

[Sg boi]

.

Edited July 14, 2016 by Sg boi

[MatureCh]

Knock him out. Pack him in a luggage. Send him to Uganda. After 6 months if he lives, he'll love u forever. If he doesn't, the world is rid of garbage. Simple

[abang]

I am not a person who believes in monogamy.. who am I kidding in this age and time? Remember one thing - you don't own your bf.

He is an individual and he has his own mind.

If he has physical contact with someone else, you have only 2 choices - leave him or leave him alone by accepting that he will return by your side at the end of the day.  

 

If you can tolerate his CCA, then stick by him.  If not, adios. au revoir, sayonara, good bye and good riddance.