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Masturbation / Watching Porn while in a relationship [Merged]


Guest Boi1988sugar

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Guest Boi1988sugar

I came home a bit earlier than usual last night to surprise him and I caught him watching porn and masturbating to it. I felt really upset like I was cheated on or something. He has been super apologetic but I just feel really offended and just can't shake it off. Is he in the wrong? Or is it still acceptable to do it? We r both in our late 20s btw.

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If it's true that everything is mind-made, and every action has its origin in the mind, then masturbating to porn is infidelity in the mind. Especially if he had vowed to stay true to you, and you alone.

 

Infidelity in the mind is the precursor to infidelity in the flesh when the opportunity presents.

 

It is understandable that you're upset.

 

Tell him how you feel and work out some arrangement that's good for the both of you. Whatever standards you hold your partner to, make sure the same applies to you.

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Have you made it clear to him before? If you've told him, then you it is understandable.

If you haven't told him and found out by accident, it is also understandable as you're probably shocked.

Agree with the above poster on taking time to talk it out. Communicate and don't hold it in. Let him know what is expected and how he can help you. :)
Cheers.

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36 minutes ago, Guest Boi1988sugar said:

I came home a bit earlier than usual last night to surprise him and I caught him watching porn and masturbating to it. I felt really upset like I was cheated on or something. He has been super apologetic but I just feel really offended and just can't shake it off. Is he in the wrong? Or is it still acceptable to do it? We r both in our late 20s btw.


We can give our opinions here but you need to decide for yourself what's wrong or not and talk to him about it. Personally I think there are worse things than jerking off to porn. Whether it is a precursor to other things, I don't know. If it is then there are things that need to be worked out between you two. 

 

Be an adult about it is my advice. It's never the end of the world. If the relationship is worth it, then work things out. All the best ^_^

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7 minutes ago, Guest Mind said:

If it's true that everything is mind-made, and every action has its origin in the mind, then masturbating to porn is infidelity in the mind. Especially if he had vowed to stay true to you, and you alone.

 

Infidelity in the mind is the precursor to infidelity in the flesh when the opportunity presents.

 

It is understandable that you're upset.

 

Tell him how you feel and work out some arrangement that's good for the both of you. Whatever standards you hold your partner to, make sure the same applies to you.

This is a good answer, especially the last sentence. It's your relationship with him - we can't judge. 

 

Communicate. Work something out. Be reasonable but at the same time don't be forced into something that's not you. And don't forget to hold yourself up to the same standard you expect of him. It's a two-way street.

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personally i don't see what's wrong with jacking off to porn when one's attached. several questions to post to TS and those who feels its wrong:
1) how do you justify he's imagining fucking the porn star? for all you know, he's imagining he's fucking you.

2) can you match his drive, fetishes and fantasies?

3) infidelity is hard to define in this case where he's jacking off only.

4) it's widely known in the straight community where husbands often find it a need to watch porn and masturbate on their own. experts even agree this is an acceptable behaviour. how different is it in our circle?

 

as all others here have advised, communication is the key. talk about it. be true and open about your feelings regarding this.. most important of all, find out why he wants to do this (i honestly still don't see what's wrong with masturbating). see if you 2 could work out a solution.. if not, arrive at a compromise. i'm sure things would be fine. it's really, a small issue..

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This is yet another case of unspoken expectations gone wrong.

Some people do not care and some do.

And for those who care, it would be good to set some rules and expectations.

Trash it out with your bf.

 

Men are sexual creatures and sexual urges are a biological thing.

It may not even link to anything emotional, otherwise literally anyone who fucks falls in love mutually.

Image00109.jpg

I'm always running after you.

You are my ideal.

You are me.

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you feel cheated because?  he knows his own body better than you?  he is able to satisfy himself without you?

 

or your feel cheated because he get to have fun without you (even though he's erm...having fun with himself)?

 

is it about him? or is it really about your bruised ego?

 

 

 


 

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Guest Cute Exec

Nothing wrong your bf jack off to porn or hot guys pictures. Same that nothing wrong you get jealous.

Everyone has own fantasy. The important is ultimately both of you have heart and care and love for each other.

My bf and i shared our sighting of good looking hot guys. Im ok he admires other hotter guys than me because i know his love is mine.

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4 minutes ago, Guest Cute Exec said:

Nothing wrong your bf jack off to porn or hot guys pictures. Same that nothing wrong you get jealous.

Everyone has own fantasy. The important is ultimately both of you have heart and care and love for each other.

My bf and i shared our sighting of good looking hot guys. Im ok he admires other hotter guys than me because i know his love is mine.

envy! esp the last sttm!

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I think it's totally fine. You should be happy that he is jerking off to porn and not having sex with someone else on your bed. Stay positive and trust him :D

 

Or you can like "OMG you're watching porn? Bojio? Why no wait for me to jerk tgt?" Trust me, he will grab you and push you to the bed. :lol:

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7 minutes ago, Guest Cute Exec said:

Nothing wrong your bf jack off to porn or hot guys pictures. Same that nothing wrong you get jealous.

Everyone has own fantasy. The important is ultimately both of you have heart and care and love for each other.

My bf and i shared our sighting of good looking hot guys. Im ok he admires other hotter guys than me because i know his love is mine.

 

^5, my Hub and I doesn't have much restrictions on eye candies.. he has his and I have mine..  sometimes I will point out to him at which guy is my type and he will start comparing himself to that guy which is in a way cute (for a guy in his late 40s)... hahaha then I will tease and laugh at him. Vice versa. We both know.. this are external lust. Love still prevails. We kinda draw a line, mutual agreement. (ask yourself and your partner what is your comfort level?) Been together for more then 10 yrs.... Love is not soo shallow, this things doesn't bother us. Rather then being petty on such things.. I would choose to focus that energy to making love with him which we can both be happy. 

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But if he is compulsively doing it, you need to have a chat. Don't go ballistic, just talk. Sometimes he may feel neglected if you are working too hard.

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even though you both are close you need to give him a tiny gap, which is his private moment alone. nothing wrong of jacks off. he just "me, myself and i'' for a moment. possessiveness shouldn't have in the relationship. 

Every-time the moon shines, i become alive.

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11 hours ago, Guest Boi1988sugar said:

I came home a bit earlier than usual last night to surprise him and I caught him watching porn and masturbating to it. I felt really upset like I was cheated on or something. He has been super apologetic but I just feel really offended and just can't shake it off. Is he in the wrong? Or is it still acceptable to do it? We r both in our late 20s btw.

Congratulation. You finally caught him red hand and the 狐狸精 is his own hand.

 

cum+on+hand.JPG

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Guest shocked
12 hours ago, Guest Boi1988sugar said:

I came home a bit earlier than usual last night to surprise him and I caught him watching porn and masturbating to it. I felt really upset like I was cheated on or something. He has been super apologetic but I just feel really offended and just can't shake it off. Is he in the wrong? Or is it still acceptable to do it? We r both in our late 20s btw.

Omg ... what is wrong with your bf? he has YOU and he still dares to jerk off?

make him apologize more. if he cant show how sorry he is... clearly hes not worth it ! 

he is defiantly in the wrong dude. tell him if he does it again you will put a cock cage on him for 1 week. 

please dont let your bf treat your relationship like that. OWN IT NOW!

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I guess the fact your boyfriend watches porn is a good motivation for yourself, that hey I need to make myself look hotter, sexually attractive again and maybe learn new sex skills so that he will want to keep having sex with you or jerk off at your sexy hot bod picture when you're not around there to blow him.

Yo jeez...jeez mama...

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Guest Letmeteachyou
13 hours ago, Guest Boi1988sugar said:

I came home a bit earlier than usual last night to surprise him and I caught him watching porn and masturbating to it. I felt really upset like I was cheated on or something. He has been super apologetic but I just feel really offended and just can't shake it off. Is he in the wrong? Or is it still acceptable to do it? We r both in our late 20s btw.

 

31 minutes ago, Guest shocked said:

Omg ... what is wrong with your bf? he has YOU and he still dares to jerk off?

make him apologize more. if he cant show how sorry he is... clearly hes not worth it ! 

he is defiantly in the wrong dude. tell him if he does it again you will put a cock cage on him for 1 week. 

please dont let your bf treat your relationship like that. OWN IT NOW!

I fully agreed with guest-shocked. Your BF is definitely wrong to masturbate behind your back.

As a precaution, next time you masturbate and/or suck him and make him cum at least 7-8 times before you leave him alone. With his sore dick and drained testicles, he will not masturbate again on that day.

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  • I felt so sorry for the bf

    The bf should live in a prison, he will be happier

    A bf cannot fondle himself cannt appreciate his own bodies and brain(that include the visualizing and imagining aspect)
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Firstly, your BF is very stupid to let you see him masturbating.

 

Secondly, ask yourself would you rather see him go outside and screw around with other men or just jerking off with his own hand?

 

Lastly, are you saying yourself never masturbate before????

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Guest peace
2 hours ago, Hilder said:

I guess the fact your boyfriend watches porn is a good motivation for yourself, that hey I need to make myself look hotter, sexually attractive again and maybe learn new sex skills so that he will want to keep having sex with you or jerk off at your sexy hot bod picture when you're not around there to blow him.

 

Is it a love relationship or a lust relationship lol. What is love when your bf gets tired of you as you grow older and less attractive (inevitably). Gradually having sex less often and even not having sex altogether as the relationship matures, instead of being a sign that people have grown apart, could be a sign of the purification of love into something far more intimate and refined, something of the heart, mind and soul and hence more lasting. Of course, for most people it would definitely mean growing apart since their relationship is more of love than lust. People started watching porn and getting addicted to it because they lack love. Unfortunately sometimes even after they find love, because their capacity to love is diminished and they are unable to enjoy more refined joys rather than just pleasures, they still have to watch porn. I am of the belief that if you have love, it will ultimately eclipse or rather, transmute lust.

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I think you need to grow up and be less drama and less selfish.

You have to give space to your partner let him do things to please himself and not expect him to do everything to please you.

You should he glad that he was only just jerking off alone and not having someone in bed.

Edited by Anderson
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Guest Prawn Noodle
16 hours ago, Guest Boi1988sugar said:

I came home a bit earlier than usual last night to surprise him and I caught him watching porn and masturbating to it. I felt really upset like I was cheated on or something. He has been super apologetic but I just feel really offended and just can't shake it off. Is he in the wrong? Or is it still acceptable to do it? We r both in our late 20s btw.

It goes to show that your bf is normal. I am worried if my bf stop watching porn as if he is no longer interested in sex.  What I did was to buy him a porn VCD and we watch together while fondling each other sensitive areas.

 

My point is, I don't see what's the fuss about it.  If my bf forbade me to even watch porn, I wonder what other thing he will try to control me.  May be today he didn't like me watching porn, tomorrow he didn't want me to dress in pink, another day he didn't want me to eat pig organ soup...than  what is the point of living if you have such possessive bf?

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2 hours ago, Guest peace said:

 

Is it a love relationship or a lust relationship lol. What is love when your bf gets tired of you as you grow older and less attractive (inevitably). Gradually having sex less often and even not having sex altogether as the relationship matures, instead of being a sign that people have grown apart, could be a sign of the purification of love into something far more intimate and refined, something of the heart, mind and soul and hence more lasting. Of course, for most people it would definitely mean growing apart since their relationship is more of love than lust. People started watching porn and getting addicted to it because they lack love. Unfortunately sometimes even after they find love, because their capacity to love is diminished and they are unable to enjoy more refined joys rather than just pleasures, they still have to watch porn. I am of the belief that if you have love, it will ultimately eclipse or rather, transmute lust.

 

Imho, it's both. For a relationship to work, it has to be love and lust. Of course, as we grow older, we can't be looking like in our early 20s anymore. Wrinkles will develop, flabbiness will be there. No matter how hard one may gym, the signs of ageing will show even if one may have a lot of botox or liposuction. But hey, he might still be in love with you even if you're looking older, even if you might be bedridden. In this case, it's just porn. It's not like there's another guy who is sucking his dick right now. Considering the author and partner already in their late 20s, this kind of topic can be discussed together with the partner and ask directly, why does he have to watch porn? Has the author asked and find out the main reason why?

Yo jeez...jeez mama...

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Everyone is so quick to jump to the conclusion that OP is a prick...  :/

 

It's not like as though OP forbade his bf from masturbating. He's just worried about what his bf watching porn could mean to their relationship. Everyone has fears. Yes, there are things he has to learn. Then again, who doesn't have things to learn? Who's perfect?

 

I think OP is brave to express his honest thoughts and seek input here. He used a pretty moderate/reflective/self-critical tone too.

 

I'd say, OP, go have a talk with your BF anyway. Communicate. Find a solution both are okay with. Be reasonable and reasonably-realistic, but don't sacrifice yourself (or him) in the process. At the end of the day, it's your relationship. All the best :)

 

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To be fair to OP, if it is a porn addiction, it's a problem. But OP didn't specify.

 

However, occasional porn use is a slippery slope to porn addiction as your brain needs more and more pervy images to achieve sexual arousal. Which is why porn addiction often leads to ED, albeit generally reversible.

 

All in all, it's fair for OP to raise alarm, although how he responds  to bf should be more calm.

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If I were you I'll punish him by jumping into bed and show him that my hole is way much better than his hands.

 

Kidding. Hahaha :lol: Talk it out. I'm sure this problem can be solved easily.

I CAN'T BE YOUR BOYFRIEND. BUT YOU CAN FUCK ME UNTIL YOU FIND ONE.

56b0623e2e1bf_CoverIMG_2101.jpg.8c8b5cae

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aiyah...u think u wat? he wants u until yr deathbed ha?pls la...gay life can change overnight one.

good enough he watch porn ,not sleep with pornstar....thank god n squeeze his cum out daily so tat got nothing to wank for him.

lol

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hahahaha.. i'm the one with the higher sex drive and always jerk off while he is asleep.

 

even though we may have had made love to each other the night before but still I need to release my horniness. 

 

to me & him, it is perfectly ok. this is way much better than either of us seeking fun outside, isn't it?

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1 minute ago, justinys said:

hahahaha.. i'm the one with the higher sex drive and always jerk off while he is asleep.

 

even though we may have had made love to each other the night before but still I need to release my horniness. 

 

to me & him, it is perfectly ok. this is way much better than either of us seeking fun outside, isn't it?

 

Exactly!

Instagram: vodkabaker

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1 hour ago, Blacque said:

 

On ‎25‎/‎4‎/‎2016 at 9:06 PM, Guest said:

so what in your mind? break off? pls, you no longer 13, 14 years old, you are no perfect too

 

In my mind, I was thinking you're the childish one. 

 

Deal with it. 

 

You think every thing is about you? Do you know the Guest's comment wasn't meant for you? Grow up please. Deal with it yourself.

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Okay I hear you. He watch porn and jerk off to it. My thoughts that run across my mind is.. what were you thinking to be watching him do it and you do nothing to join in, to take over control of his hand and finish him off? What stop you from doing that with him? If you can't answer that, I think that MIGHT well be the reason he is watching porn and DIY even if infront of you.

 

I hope I am wrong if not, it tells me a lot about how you really care or think about him and his needs. In any case you are not alone. Many women do that to their husband once the ring is on the finger and the kids tie him to her for life.

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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