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Video: Book launch of "Baby Zoey: Our Search for Life & Family"


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The launch of the book, "Baby Zoey: Our Search for Life & Family" by author Olivia Chiong was held from 11am to 1pm on Saturday, 30 April 2016 at Trehaus, #03-01, Claymore Connect, 442 Orchard Road.
The author, Olivia Chiong, is the co-founder of Singapore's only same-sex parenting support group, Rainbow Parents SG and blogger at olivia.thechiongs.com
From the back cover:
"HOW DO YOU CONCEIVE A BABY WITHOUT SPERM?"
So begins the quest of Olivia Chiong and her partner Irene to get pregnant. From difficulties in getting the right sperm donor to the red tape challenges of shipping frozen sperm to Singapore, they face one obstacle after another in pursuing their dream of having a biological child. And Zoey's birth doesn't mean the end of the family's challenges either. But one thing is clear: if you never give up, almost anything is possible."
Links:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1024697867600879/
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/book-launch-baby-zoey-our-search-for-life-and-family-tickets-24476953226
http://www.rainbowparents.sg/
https://www.facebook.com/RainbowParentsSG
http://olivia.thechiongs.com/
http://rainbowparentssg.blogspot.sg/

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interesting , why none of the gay couples try it in sg?

Not daring enough?

 

Also, interested to know who eggs was that (A or B , eg for the male 's case the top's or the btm's)? how did they decide?

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2 hours ago, lovehandle said:

interesting , why none of the gay couples try it in sg?

Not daring enough?

 

Also, interested to know who eggs was that (A or B , eg for the male 's case the top's or the btm's)? how did they decide?

You forgot meh ? Women got chee by , if any sentencing ...lighter sentence   here ....but if got lan pah ...higher sentence...for the same crime !

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http://the-singapore-lgbt-encyclopaedia.wikia.com/wiki/Same-sex_parenting_in_Singapore

Same-sex parenting in Singapore

Although generally under the radar of mainstream society, many LGBT Singaporeans have become parents through various means including via current or former conventional marital and extramarital relationships, coparenting, adoption, foster care and more recently, donor sperm insemination and surrogacy.

Many children from conventional families in Singapore do not know they have an LGBT parent because of the social, religious and legal stigma associated with being LGBT which inhibits these parents from coming out. As the periodic national census does not attempt to collect data on the sexual orientation or gender identity of Singaporeans, it is unknown how many LGBT or same-sex couples with children there exist locally.

However, a private study has recently been conducted to determine just what these figures are so as to better understand the needs of these families. The results of the research will be published in due course.

Options and forms of LGBT parenting
Pregnancy

This choice is obviously only available to lesbian and not male gay couples, with the current state of medical technology, because only biological women can get pregnant. It may be achieved by home or medically assisted insemination. There are advantages and disadvantages of conceiving a child via this avenue.
Home insemination

Do-it-yourself home insemination of donor sperm may be:

    natural - by having penile-vaginal intercourse with the sperm donor, or
    assisted - by inserting the sperm sample into the vagina using a syringe with an attached tube.

The cost of assisted home insemination is S$500 - 1000 using a known local donor, mainly for the insemination kit including a cup.

Alternatively, sperm may be imported from the US. At the present time, it is not clear if sperm samples are controlled substances or not, according to the guidance document issued by the Health Products Regulation Group, Health Sciences Authority (HSA), which provides the current regulatory requirements for medicinal products to be imported into Singapore for personal medical use. If they are, they would require a licence from the HSA. Lesbian couples have inquired about this with all the relevant agencies but they have denied responsibility. To get a black-and-white letter from the HSA stating that human sperm is not a controlled susbstance costs S$5000. Therefore, it is not known for sure if one can import sperm without the authorities trying to take it away.
Precautions

Home insemination of donor sperm is not the preferred option. Some men donate sperm for humanitarian reasons, others for money, or both.

    The couple and sperm donor should agree on what is expected of him right from the beginning. It helps to write a contract and get it signed so that all parties involved are clear about the boundaries. Some couples view sperm donors as part of the family and welcome coparenting. Others prefer minimal contact. The couple should make sure that they get a donor who wants what they want to prevent unnecessary complication in the child’s life in future.

    The couple should ensure that the sperm donor is tested twice for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STI) at least 6 months apart to guaranteed that he is disease free. Blood tests need to be done to verify this but these can only reveal so much. The donor has to be trusted not to go out and have random sex with strangers after the results are out. The method is risky and therefore not recommended unless the couple knows the donor very well.

If the donor knows the lesbian couple has his biological child, he has legal recourse to visitation rights after child is born. Also, if DNA tests prove that he is the father, he can request that his name be on the birth certificate.

Lesbian couples must be very clear as to who this person is. He must be aware of what kind of parenting agreement the couple wants to have. It is recommended a contract be drafted stipulating what rights the donor has with regard to the child after it is born. The contract may not be legally binding in Singapore's courts but at least the couple has some document signed by both parties as a reference.
Medically assisted insemination

Medically assisted insemination of donor sperm done in a clinic or hospital is deemed to be better than home insemination.

However, it is not legally available to unmarried couples in Singapore where one has to to be married to get fertility treatment. Even married women need their husband’s consent to obtain gain access to assisted reproductive techniques. Therefore, single women need to travel overseas to have the procedure performed. Some of the popular locations are Thailand, Taiwan and the United States.

There are 2 types of medically assisted insemination available – the lesser known intrauterine insemination (IUI) and the more familiar in vitro fertilisation (IVF).

For both methods, women can purchase sperm from sperm banks and have it sent to the hospital of their choice. Some countries have local sperm banks. Others, such as Thailand, allow one to purchase sperm from overseas and ship it into the country. In Bangkok, there are several obstetricians who are willing to do the procedure.

A sample of donor sperm costs US$700 per vial on average. It is more expensive for a donor with a better profile. One requires 1 to 2 vials per try, occasionally 3 or 4. If the insemination is not done in the US, one has to ship the sperm to another country. In Bangkok, the cost of shipping sperm samples into the country is about US$1000. It is more cost efficient to ship a few vials at a time. One can buy a few vials from the US, ship it to Bangkok and hospital will store the sample by freezing it in a liquid nitrogen tank. The sample can be thawed and used for every hospital visit so one only has to pay for shipping once.

Many options for sperm. Some choose Caucasian or Japanese donor. Seller will show you different profiles eg. scientist or teacher. But don't get too fixated about it.

Sperm donors - variety of options. At first Olivia wanted to do home insemination because cheaper. Depends on whether you want your child to know his biological father. Some want and some don't want. Can get friend you trust well. In USA, sperm banks have known and anonymous donors. Known donors more expensive. After child turns 18, he has the option of contacting the sperm bank and inform them that he wants to contact the sperm donor. Up to sperm donor whether he wants to connect with the child. They have the right to reject. Profiles from different sperm banks is quite varied. Some sperm banks are very in depth. They will provide a form all sperm donors have to fill up. Form details will include medical history, family history up to level of aunties, uncles, nephews, nieces. List is very exhaustive, eg. asthma, anaemia, etc. Staff at clinic will write a short piece about the person. The feeling they get when they meet with the person. Can request for handwriting analysis. Some have neat handwriting, some like they are drunk. The deeper you want to get into the profile, the more you have to pay. Don't get too obsessed with entire sperm donor thing. Sperm donors go through psychological profile. Everyone allowed to donate but not all sperm will be approved as donor sperm. Sperm will be tested and only when passed they will put you on donor list. Cannot se a photo of the adult donor but they will show you a baby photo of the person.

Note:

    Do be financially prepared as medically assisted insemination can be fairly costly. It is good to keep in mind the costs of travel to the foreign country, accommodation and fees for the procedure.
    It is possible to get some preparation tests done in Singapore and only head overseas to get the actual procedure done. This can save some time and money.
    There are a variety of sperm banks available, so do research beforehand and pick a bank with a good range of donor profiles that are close to what you require.

Egg donation

In Singapore, egg donor cannot be done unless you're married. Sperm donor cannot waive his rights over the child. Overseas can be done. Normally gay parents tell the child from birth.

In US, agencies also have gamete, egg donor selection. They will give an adult photo. Gives first name also but not surname. Also have personal interviews describing what they like to do like hobbies and why they wanted to do egg donation. So different from sperm donor experience. In US, fertility treatment is more advanced than Singapore. So more options available.
Intrauterine insemination

    Main article: Intrauterine insemination

Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a method whereby the donor sperm is inserted directly into the uterus using a syringe connected to a long, thin catheter around the time of ovulation. IUI can be carried out in a natural cycle, without the use of drugs, or the ovaries may be stimulated with oral antiestrogens or gonadotrophins.
IUI001

The procedure allows one to bypass the cervix to deposit sperm closer to opening of the fallopian tubes into the uterus, thereby facilitating a larger number of motile sperms reaching the fertilisation site in the ampulla of fallopian tube. In addition, the sperm separation procedure via washing and centrifugation removes white blood cells, and dead and moribund sperm generating free oxygen radicals which reduce the functional capacity of viable sperm. Controlled stimulation of the ovaries is often used in conjunction with IUI to enhance the chances of pregnancy by inducing multiple ovulation.

The success rate for IUI is from 5 to 20%, the same as having penile-vaginal intercourse. Although this is lower than for IVF, it is a less invasive procedure. Success rates are significantly increased if the period cycle is closely monitored and fertility drugs are used prior to the procedure.

IUI is a simpler process than IVF and is thus the cheaper of the two options. Women can fly to Bangkok over the weekend to have it done and return to Singapore by Monday.

$1,500 to 3,000 per cycle in Bangkok. Includes accommodation on site.
In vitro fertilisation

    Main article: In vitro fertilisation

In vitro fertilisation (IVF) is a method whereby ova (eggs) are extracted from the ovaries and mixed with sperm to form embryos. These are then taken and transplanted into the uterus. The success rate for IVF is between 15 to 40%. A lot of it depends on the age of the mother and quality of the eggs retrieved. This is a more complex procedure and is generally between 8 to 10 times more expensive than IUI.

$15,000 to 30,000. Requires more than one session. $30K is for seeing a particular doctor in Singapore and doing the insemination in JB. Also average cost per cycle in USA. Travel and accommodation to States more expensive.
Birth

$4,000 to 10,000 at local hospitals. Some gynecologists have packages that you can sign up for. After you sign, have unlimited visits. Includes fess for OT and others. Your choice to make it expensive or affordable.

Gynecologist visits every or 2 weeks. In middle of pregnancy, see once every 3 to 4 weeks. Near term, see every week.

Antenatal checkups at Polyclinic affordable if Singaporean. Long waiting time. If go through public health system, cannot choose doctor you see. Every time go in, may see different doctor. Pull file and see whichever doctor you're assigned.

Private doctor $100 per visit. See about 20 times in entire pregnancy. So about $2000 excluding scans cost $70 to 100. Plus blood tests. Pregnancy without birth costs $5000. Down's Syndrome test is $700 to 900.

The choice of obstetrician and hospital is very important as this will set the tenor for the entire birth experience. There are gay-friendly obstetricians in Singapore who have delivered babies of lesbian women. The latter should be open about their sexuality from the start of their relationship with the doctor. A list of gay-friendly O&G surgeons is available from Rainbow Parents SG.

While the general experience in Singapore has been mostly pleasant, there have been cases where the hospital refused to acknowledge the biological mother’s partner. Partners have also been banned from operation theatres during Caesarean sections and are generally not recognised as the next-of-kin of the biological mother. Couples are recommended to be open with their obstetricians from the beginning and seek a second or third opinion if the doctor seems to be homophobic.

Private hospitals (eg. Mt. Elizabeth, Gleneagles, Thomson Medical Centre, Mt. Alvernia) not necessarily better than goverment ones (eg. KK Hospital, NUH, SGH, Alexandra). There is a known case of one half of a lesbian couple about to deliver her baby but the hospital staff refused to let her partner into the operating theatre until the obstetrician stated that he would not begin the surgery until the partner was let in.

In government hospitals, if not married, the partner will not be allowed into the operating theatre to witness a Caesarean section. Fortunately, unmarried partners are allowed into the delivery ward to see the birth process if it is a natural one.

Partners may appeal and permission may be granted on case-by-case basis. If the appeal does not succeed, the couple may want to reconsider having the child delivered in that particular hospital.

In Singapore, the biological mother can use Medisave to pay for part of the delivery fees. However, it should be noted that the Maternity Package will not be available as the biological mother of the child will be considered a single mother. The child will also not be entitled to Baby Bonus or other subsidies that require the parents of the child to be married.
Adoption

    Main article: Child adoption in Singapore

Adoption is an option for couples who do not want to go through the hassle of pregnancy, failed medically assisted insemination or surrogacy.
Local

LGBT persons can adopt as a single parent as long as they fit the following requirements as stipulated by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF)[1].

Residency Status – You must be residents in Singapore to adopt, i.e. Singapore Citizens or Permanent Residents, or holders of Employment Pass, Dependant’s Pass or any other Pass which the Family Court deems as residents in Singapore.

Age – You must be at least 25 years old and at least 21 years older than the child to be adopted. Maximum age gap between adopter and child must not be more than 50 years older than the child.

Marital status – If you are a single male, you are not allowed to adopt a girl, unless there are special circumstances to justify the adoption.

Home study report – If you wish to adopt a foreign child or a child from MSF, you are required to apply for a Home Study Report.

Pre-adoption Briefing – You should attend a compulsory Pre-Adoption Briefing (PAB) before you apply for a home study or begin the legal proceedings on adoption.

The estimated cost of adoption is between S$8,000 to S$20,000.

Must be approved by MSF - must submit application to adopt. Part of process is that they will do a home study, can by done by a few different agencies, some more friendly than others. Recent developments are that some agencies will ask if you are gay. If you say yes, they may ask to interview your partner. One male gay couple after interviewing partner, got adoption rejected. Laws are not clear on this. Don't know what Ministry's stand is currently. They don't say clearly whether gay people can or cannot adopt. Some gay couples did manage to adopt but that was some time back, at least 3 to 4 years back. Policies may have changed. Be aware that when do home study or interview, you may not want to be 100% truthful about it.

Men can only adopt boys Official age limit at 50 years older than child Soft limit around 40 - 45. They think you may not be suitable to adopt a child at this advanced age.

Gay male couple applied for adoption but rejected. During interview, asked if OK to declare if gay. Said there was no law but policy says gay people cannot adopt. During interview, said could consider but recently, changed policy.
Overseas

Policies differ from country to country Most will require home study approval by MSF - still will have to go through home study interviews. Only applicable to Singaporeans. If partner is foreigner, can get partner to get approval from his home country and you get approval for overseas adoption. If partner is PR, can opt to have home study done in his country.

Estimated cost: S$8,000 to 20,000

Once get approval from MSF, can approach any number of agencies to source child for you. Some agencies are better than others. Most adopted children in Singapore come from overseas. Not many Singaporean children are offered for adoption. Waiting list is quite long. Agencies will arrange for child from Malaysia, Indonesia or one of ASEAN countries. Some Singaporean couples are pick. They want a Chinese baby. Parents must be tall, educated. But if parents are tall, educated and privileged, won't want to offer child for adoption. Many children born to underprivileged parents in Malaysia who can't afford to bring them up. May be mixed babies in need of a home. So hope you will approach agencies sourcing from Malaysia or Indonesia.

Cost is S$15,000 for a Chinese baby, the cuter the more expensive. Like child trafficking system in Singapore and it is legal. Agency can show you all the pictures and the prices, eg. $20K or 30K. If you don't want, others want. Don't patronise agencies who are so mercenary.
Citizenship of child

When assets are overseas, overseas law will apply but kid is not overseas. US laws protect you better so may want to have child in US. Can get second parent adoption done there. Child will by UK or US citizens if born there. Both are legal parents to the child and they will have the adoption papers drawn up there. The laws in that country can apply. If have child and civil union of marriage in UK, you are both recognised as legal parents of the child. When you both come back to Singapore, only one of you will be recognised as the child's parent because Singapore does not recognise same-sex parents. In custody battle, it can be brought to courts of UK because legal papers drawn up there. Legal in UK and US but not in Australia. Cannot have both lesbian parents' names on child's birth cert even if born in US because both not residents of US. To get paperwork done, have to reside there for 6 months and do a home study to prepare for adoption. Well worth it if have time and money. Advantages of having both lesbian parents' names on birth certificate is that in custody fight, both parents have legal standing, not in Singapore but can bring up case in overseas court. Also both parents have equal right to child, even the one who did not give birth to it. Important to have equality in relationship and family.
Surrogacy

Surrogacy is the agreement of a woman to carry a pregnancy for the intended parents.

Not possible/legal in Singapore. Cannot do even if straight couple. Not discriminating against gay couples.

Only available via IVF.

There are two main types of surrogacy, gestational surrogacy and traditional surrogacy.
Gestational surrogacy

In gestational surrogacy, the pregnancy results from the transfer of an embryo created by IVF, in a manner so the resulting child is genetically unrelated to the surrogate. This type of surrogacy requires an egg donor.
Traditional surrogacy

In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is impregnated naturally or artificially, but the resulting child is genetically related to the surrogate. In this case, the surrogate is the egg donor.
Legal status

Surrogacy is not legal in Singapore but can be done in other countries including Thailand and the United States.
Thailand

Until 2015, Thailand was Asia’s surrogate country of choice after India closed its doors to gay couples in January 2013. She boasted a lucrative, yet largely unregulated, international surrogacy trade which was particularly popular among gay couples.

But in February 2015, legislation was passed banning foreigners from using Thai surrogate mothers after a series of high-profile scandals[2].

The move was spurred by an Australian couple who were accused last spring of abandoning a baby with Down's syndrome carried by a Thai surrogate while taking his healthy twin sister.

A second high profile surrogacy controversy erupted when nine babies fathered by a Japanese man using Thai surrogate mothers were discovered in a Bangkok apartment.

Bangkok had a booming surrogacy industry with 35% of intending parents being gay men. However, there were some important laws that need to be noted. The most important law was that the surrogate mother must have her name on the child’s birth certificate. She was also the legal guardian, as a child born out of wedlock is deemed to be the legitimate child of the mother. The father had no parental rights, even if he was listed on the birth certificate. Therefore it was important to ensure the surrogate mother agreed to relinquish all rights to the child after birth.

The average cost of surrogacy in Bangkok was US$40,000, cheaper by half from United States and the proximity to Singapore made it a more attractive choice for Singaporeans.

Note:

    One had to make sure that the surrogate entered into a contract outlining her intent to allow the child to be adopted by the biological sperm donor – the father listed on the birth certificate.
    One had to be prepared to be in Thailand for around 3 to 4 weeks after the birth of the child as that was how long it took for the child to get a birth certificate and a passport.

USA

The United States’ lenient laws towards surrogacy have made the country an ideal place for gay couples to find a woman to carry their child.

Across the U.S. laws vary by state, with six states criminalising paid surrogacy, including New York, Michigan, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah and Washington. The surrogacy-friendly states are California, Illinois, Arkansas and Massachusetts. These states allow for paid surrogacies and some have agencies that specialise in locating surrogate mothers for gay couples. These agencies will also assist in preparing paperwork so that both fathers can have their names on the birth cert and the surrogate mother’s rights are correctly terminated.

The costs of surrogacy in United States starts from US$100,000. Taking into consideration airfare, accommodation and other miscellaneous expenses, couples must be prepared to spend between US$100,000 to US$200,000.

Note:

    Be sure to use a reputable agency, preferably one recommended by someone who has used their services before. This will help in preventing unnecessary complications and headaches.

Blended families and coparenting

Blended families refers to couples who have children from previous relationships.

Agreement to do coparenting is not legally binding in Singapore - it doesn't matter if you and your girlfriend are very happy in your relationship and you regard your girlfriend's child as your child. If you are the other mother, you have no rights. Same for other father. Legal guardianship does not apply because second parent adoption is not available in Singapore. This is something we are working very hard to change because it does not only affect us, it affects straight couples as well or people who remarry. Most step parents will not have any legal rights over the child unless the biological parent agrees to give up his or her rights. These rights have been made available in other countries but not in Singapore. When you want to do coparenting, this is something you want to discuss openly.

Legal guardianship does not apply as second parent adoption is not available in Singapore.

Blended families exist. Children approaching and registering for primary one. Know at least 5 lesbian couples with children over age of 5. They are the pioneers.
Developing methods

    Main article: Same-sex procreation

Currently, scientists are conducting research on alternative types of human parenthood which can aid same-sex couples to have children. One of the possibilities is using induced pluripotent stem cells derived from skin to produce sperm and ova.
Birth certificate

Child of single mother in Singapore, cannot register birth cert at hospital. Must go to ICA. Solemnly swear on piece of paper that you don't know who the father is and don't want to put his name on the birth cert and if you want to put the father's name on the birth cert in the future, you need to do a DNA test to prove he's the father. So if sperm donor in future wants custody of child, he can go to law and say I think this child is mine, I want to have visitation rights and to do it, please issue a court order to do a DNA test. Must prove that the sperm donor has not provided for the child in any way. Do not let sperm donor pay for anything done. If he hasn't provided and name not on birth cert, the most he can claim is visitation rights. So don't use sperm donor if don't know him well. Can draft non-legally binding contract with sperm donor stipulating what he can do but he does have rights. No way to take away those rights. If not comfortable with that, use anonymous donor.
Child's surname

At ICA, after swearing don't know father, must follow mother's name. 2 options - issue BC with mother's surname and do depo to change last name. Take away original BC and issue new BC with new surname. Other option, mother changes name. ICs changed to Chiong to accommodate daughter. Do depo. If child has different surname from parents may be accused of kidnapping.
Schooling

Singaporean children do not have option to attend international schools. Therefore non-Singaporean children have an advantage.

Possible to appoint another representative as guardian at most schools. This is an advantage. If you are the main caregiver but not the biological parent, when you go and register at the school, you can tell the school that your partner will pick up the child at school or he will be the one signing the report card, etc. Straight couples do it as well. When you are not the main caregiver, you can appoint someone else as the main guardian at the school. Not the entire system but the schools allow such things.

Parents talk to principal and ask them if OK with that. Kindergartens and preschools OK with that. 2 children in group registered for primary one. Not declared anything yet. Update next year.


Precautions against adversity
Lasting Power of Attorney

A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) is a legal document which allows a person who is at least 21 years of age (donor), to voluntarily appoint one or more persons (donee), to make decisions and act on the person's behalf as his/her proxy decision maker if the person should lose mental capacity one day. Donees can be appointed to act in 2 broad areas: personal welfare as well as in matters of property and financial.

The benefit of making out an LPA is that it allows an individual to protect his/her interests by designating a personal, considered choice of proxy decision maker - someone trusted to be reliable, competent and capable - to act on the individual's behalf should he/she become vulnerable when he/she loses the mental capacity to make his/her own decisions one day.

It also alleviates the stress and difficulties faced by the individual's loved ones if he/she should be mentally incapacitated. It therefore is advantageous for everyone to have an LPA drawn up regardless of whether they have children.

Once a same-sex couple has a child, they are strongly advised to have an LPA made out. The process is extremely easy now that the Office of the Public Guardian has simplified it to encourage more Singaporeans to plan ahead to protect their interests - one just needs to fill up a form. Both partners sign the form together with a witness. The form is then brought to the Office of the Public Guardian which will submit it on behalf of the signatories. Drawing up an LPA ensures that should one become mentally incapacitated, eg. alive but in a coma, one's partner will have the right to take over the guardianship of one's child, property, bank accounts, etc., to continue administration of the necessary.

The lasting power of attorney only applies if one is alive. Once the person dies, the LPA no longer applies.
Will

Once an individual has a child, it is also strongly recommended that the person write a will. The will may be worded simply but ensures that the non-biological parent gains guardianship.

If an unmarried biological mother dies without a will, her child will go to her siblings or parents. Without a will, her same-sex partner gets nothing. It does not matter if the couple has decided to be coparents - the biological mother's biological family will get the child. You must state in your will that if you die, your child's guardians will be so and so. If your child is below 21, you need to appoint 2 guardians if you are leaving part of your estate to the child. The child may have 1 guardian but you need to have 2 trustees who will hold your estate in trust for the child until he reaches 21 or whichever age you have decided to state in your will. eg. 25 years of age if you don't trust your child to manage the money before that age. Don't think that just because your are young, nothing is going to happen and you don't have to make a will until you are 50. Accidents can happen and you want to be prepared. We recommend that you make a will once you get pregnant. If anything happens to you in the labour room, you want to be prepared. Other things to include in your will is how many percent of your estate you want to leave to your partner so that your partner can help to bring up the child.

Does not include CPF, so remember to do CPF nomination - Wills do not include CPF, so do CPF nomination.

Your partner should do the same for you. If something happens to both of you at the same time, who gets the child? If both die at the same time, the person who is older's estate will go to the person who is younger. The latter's estate will be distributed according to his will. The younger one's will will clearly have to state that if he dies, who gets the child. Who are the guardians. You need to talk to the guardians you have nominated. Do not throw children to whoever. Make sure you inform them and they agree. If you give your child to someone who does not want it, you are condemning it to a lifetime of misery. Ensure that you have left your child enough of your estate so that the person who is bringing up your child is not burdened financially too. Buy life insurance too for yourself.

What if the guardians change their minds about taking care of the child after you die? That is why you can nominate more than one guardian. You can state if the first guardian changes his mind, there is the second option and then the third option. A lot of legal complications you need to clearly think through. The will cannot be challenged even if parents don't approve of the relationship. Good thing is that Singapore law is very clear. So don't do the will yourself. Get it signed at the attorney's office. If there is a will, it is very hard to challenge because it is very clear in Singapore law. They can try but very hard.

If want to protect assets, can set up offshore concession or new structure known as private interest foundation, almost literally like a will except that all the assets are actually placed in the foundation and all the legality associated with the assets will continue indefinitely until such time that whoever you bequeath the private interest foundation to .
Shariah law

How to navigate Shariah law. Muslims are bound unless want to apostasise. Wills according to one-third system. In Shariah law, parents have precedence over partner. Shariah overrides secular will, only a wish list. In interreligious couple, non-Muslim partner will have according to secular will.
Expatriate same-sex parents

What about overseas married couples who bring their children to Singapore? Any legal issues? We know of lesbian couple who adopted a child in Singapore from South Africa. Unless the adoption is formalised overseas, you will still need approval from MSF. Not automatically granted PR rights. After bring in child, have to apply for short term visit pass and then long term visit pass, then a dependent pass then PR if that's applicable.
Strategies for advocating same-sex parent equality

Role models and acceptance by the mainstream media.

Sayoni working on child rights convention. Without feedback from LGBT parents, cannot bring up points at UN. Easier to argue from point of view of child. Another angle can consider going after. Sayoni needs feedback from gay parents.

Arguing for equal rights at the UN from the point of view of the child.

Many gay parents are not visible in the community, very low profile. Rights of the child also important so that they can understand their unique situation. That is why it's important to build a community support network.

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My new book called "Separated  Lives" is a true story about the adoption of a baby boy and years later a friend taking him on a fascinating but uncertain journey to search for his birth parents.  It is available from Dorrance Publishing (in Pittsburgh, PA)  www.DorranceBookstore.com,  Barnes & Noble  barnesandnoble.com  and Amazon.com.

                                                           Author:  Lynn Assimacopoulos

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