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Coming out/realizing you are gay in your 30s


SilentWolf

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On 9/17/2016 at 6:01 PM, yoyo74 said:

I already know that i am attracted to guys since young and it causes depression as i dont even know how to handle it. I have 1 straight friend which i fallen deeply in love with and begin dating him every weekend maybe causing him dont have time date any other girls lol. Dating my straight friend cures my depression. Although my straight friend want to start a family, he procrastinate long enough. We have been together since kids, play football together, swim together, jog together, see movie together, play console game together, addicted to online games together... those were my happiest time with him. I thought my friend already given up the idea of getting married. His family even ask us are we gay but we always deny. When my friend reach the age of 34 i propose to him to buy a house together and he agreed to it. My friend ask me what will happen if he wants to get married, i tell my friend i will be contended just to see him every day, he and his wife can live in a room while i at another room in the house. Both of us even check our cpf balance to plan how to buy a house already, waiting patiently for my friend to reach the age of 35. But seem like fate is playing a joke on me and when my friend almost reach the age of 35, his friend introduce his wife friend from China to him, they meet just 2 weeks and decided to get marry. All my grand plan of buying a house together gone down the drain as he is better off buying a property with his wife with even more discount. I dont want to be pushed back to depression again and at the age of 37, i finally made up my mind to meet people like me and yes step out of the closet to meet other gay guys as i really need to find the correct type of love i needed. Luckily i am blessed to not age much but i am trying hard to catch up the many years of wasted time.

thats just.....so sad....... :(

dahsizhiamitabhaguanshiyin

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2 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

I already know that i am attracted to guys since young and it causes depression as i dont even know how to handle it. I have 1 straight friend which i fallen deeply in love with and begin dating him every weekend maybe causing him dont have time date any other girls lol. Dating my straight friend cures my depression. Although my straight friend want to start a family, he procrastinate long enough. We have been together since kids, play football together, swim together, jog together, see movie together, play console game together, addicted to online games together... those were my happiest time with him. I thought my friend already given up the idea of getting married. His family even ask us are we gay but we always deny. When my friend reach the age of 34 i propose to him to buy a house together and he agreed to it. My friend ask me what will happen if he wants to get married, i tell my friend i will be contended just to see him every day, he and his wife can live in a room while i at another room in the house. Both of us even check our cpf balance to plan how to buy a house already, waiting patiently for my friend to reach the age of 35. But seem like fate is playing a joke on me and when my friend almost reach the age of 35, his friend introduce his wife friend from China to him, they meet just 2 weeks and decided to get marry. All my grand plan of buying a house together gone down the drain as he is better off buying a property with his wife with even more discount. I dont want to be pushed back to depression again and at the age of 37, i finally made up my mind to meet people like me and yes step out of the closet to meet other gay guys as i really need to find the correct type of love i needed. Luckily i am blessed to not age much but i am trying hard to catch up the many years of wasted time.

So u have experienced it n said time wasted

so now dont waste others time.get the right one n settle down.or dont do the same mistake wat others did.all the best to u.

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14 hours ago, cutejack said:

So u have experienced it n said time wasted

so now dont waste others time.get the right one n settle down.or dont do the same mistake wat others did.all the best to u.

When you deeply love a person you will definately not give a person up until he made his final decision. When my friend finally made his decision to marry the China girl he chosen, I had chosen to see my friend lesser so that awkward situation wont happen since all his family and most of his close friends already know how emotionally attached we are together. Dont want his wife to have any arguement with my friend and this had to be done. To love a person is to see him happy and i had chosen to give him up so that he can be happy.

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10 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

When you deeply love a person you will definately not give a person up until he made his final decision. When my friend finally made his decision to marry the China girl he chosen, I had chosen to see my friend lesser so that awkward situation wont happen since all his family and most of his close friends already know how emotionally attached we are together. Dont want his wife to have any arguement with my friend and this had to be done. To love a person is to see him happy and i had chosen to give him up so that he can be happy.

 

I think it is sweet of you to give up and stepped aside; however, since he is straight, it is never going to be anything more than a platonic friendship. 

Love. 

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5 hours ago, yoyo74 said:

When you deeply love a person you will definately not give a person up until he made his final decision. When my friend finally made his decision to marry the China girl he chosen, I had chosen to see my friend lesser so that awkward situation wont happen since all his family and most of his close friends already know how emotionally attached we are together. Dont want his wife to have any arguement with my friend and this had to be done. To love a person is to see him happy and i had chosen to give him up so that he can be happy.

N i believe it wasnt easy for u.there will b always someone meant for u.all the best n tc yoyo.

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Guest Guest bi
On 9/18/2016 at 9:01 AM, yoyo74 said:

I already know that i am attracted to guys since young and it causes depression as i dont even know how to handle it. I have 1 straight friend which i fallen deeply in love with and begin dating him every weekend maybe causing him dont have time date any other girls lol. Dating my straight friend cures my depression. Although my straight friend want to start a family, he procrastinate long enough. We have been together since kids, play football together, swim together, jog together, see movie together, play console game together, addicted to online games together... those were my happiest time with him. I thought my friend already given up the idea of getting married. His family even ask us are we gay but we always deny. When my friend reach the age of 34 i propose to him to buy a house together and he agreed to it. My friend ask me what will happen if he wants to get married, i tell my friend i will be contended just to see him every day, he and his wife can live in a room while i at another room in the house. Both of us even check our cpf balance to plan how to buy a house already, waiting patiently for my friend to reach the age of 35. But seem like fate is playing a joke on me and when my friend almost reach the age of 35, his friend introduce his wife friend from China to him, they meet just 2 weeks and decided to get marry. All my grand plan of buying a house together gone down the drain as he is better off buying a property with his wife with even more discount. I dont want to be pushed back to depression again and at the age of 37, i finally made up my mind to meet people like me and yes step out of the closet to meet other gay guys as i really need to find the correct type of love i needed. Luckily i am blessed to not age much but i am trying hard to catch up the many years of wasted time.

Is the guy u dated a bi?

 

Already happened sex?

 

He is probaby half like man, half like girl.  He has then bow to the society norm of getting married. 

Will you?

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2 minutes ago, Guest Guest bi said:

Is the guy u dated a bi?

 

Already happened sex?

 

He is probaby half like man, half like girl.  He has then bow to the society norm of getting married. 

Will you?

My friend had been longing to get marry to a girl but found most girl in singapore not suitable. We treated each other so nice that our emotional attachment is very strong towards each other and i can surely say is love. We never do any sex. Even now i already confirmed i am a gay i also never do any anal sex as i feel it dirty and disgusting. I some times feel notti will touch his sexual part and he also touch me b4 but i feel that hes just wanted to disturb me only. At one point of time when i am riding on his motor bike, he told me he wanted to try out gay sex with me but as i dislike anal sex i told him i dont wanna do it. My friend try to seduce me by caressing my thighs and making me fully erected. I am afraid of touching him in case we all fall down from bike as he was driving at quite high speed. What i am thinking is my friend try to sound me out if i wanna have sex with him all along. Come to think of it if i let him try out on me i might already have turn him gay and be living with my most love one for the rest of my life. Fate seem to have decided when i chosen this action which i dont know if i should regret it or not.

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14 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

My friend had been longing to get marry to a girl but found most girl in singapore not suitable. We treated each other so nice that our emotional attachment is very strong towards each other and i can surely say is love. We never do any sex. Even now i already confirmed i am a gay i also never do any anal sex as i feel it dirty and disgusting. I some times feel notti will touch his sexual part and he also touch me b4 but i feel that hes just wanted to disturb me only. At one point of time when i am riding on his motor bike, he told me he wanted to try out gay sex with me but as i dislike anal sex i told him i dont wanna do it. My friend try to seduce me by caressing my thighs and making me fully erected. I am afraid of touching him in case we all fall down from bike as he was driving at quite high speed. What i am thinking is my friend try to sound me out if i wanna have sex with him all along. Come to think of it if i let him try out on me i might already have turn him gay and be living with my most love one for the rest of my life. Fate seem to have decided when i chosen this action which i dont know if i should regret it or not.

Gay sex is not only about doing anal sex. Just like u, i don't like anal sex even though i've tried it few times. Fyi, i'm top.

Edited by ZKT279
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On 9/18/2016 at 9:01 AM, yoyo74 said:

I already know that i am attracted to guys since young and it causes depression as i dont even know how to handle it. I have 1 straight friend which i fallen deeply in love with and begin dating him every weekend maybe causing him dont have time date any other girls lol. Dating my straight friend cures my depression. Although my straight friend want to start a family, he procrastinate long enough. We have been together since kids, play football together, swim together, jog together, see movie together, play console game together, addicted to online games together... those were my happiest time with him. I thought my friend already given up the idea of getting married. His family even ask us are we gay but we always deny. When my friend reach the age of 34 i propose to him to buy a house together and he agreed to it. My friend ask me what will happen if he wants to get married, i tell my friend i will be contended just to see him every day, he and his wife can live in a room while i at another room in the house. Both of us even check our cpf balance to plan how to buy a house already, waiting patiently for my friend to reach the age of 35. But seem like fate is playing a joke on me and when my friend almost reach the age of 35, his friend introduce his wife friend from China to him, they meet just 2 weeks and decided to get marry. All my grand plan of buying a house together gone down the drain as he is better off buying a property with his wife with even more discount. I dont want to be pushed back to depression again and at the age of 37, i finally made up my mind to meet people like me and yes step out of the closet to meet other gay guys as i really need to find the correct type of love i needed. Luckily i am blessed to not age much but i am trying hard to catch up the many years of wasted time.

 

Wow I didn't realize there were all these new comments on my thread and i didnt get any notifications!

 

I feel your pain as I do have a straight friend who I have fallen for...been a few years now...I longed to do everything with him and even deluded myself that he could be gay but just not come out yet but I have now come to terms that he is straight and we will never spend our lives together. Reading your story does touch my heart strings as I have fantasized about us being able to do so much together like you and your friend have done. That said, I do think you've been really lucky to have a straight friend who accepts you and is willing to share so much of his life with you to even consider living together, even when he knows about your feelings towards him. I guess the consolation you can find in your situation is that your friend probably loves you as much as you love him, even though he can't spend the rest of his life with you and grow old together, and that married or not, you will have a special place in his heart that his wife can't fill. I hope so. :)

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On 9/25/2016 at 1:46 PM, yoyo74 said:

My friend had been longing to get marry to a girl but found most girl in singapore not suitable. We treated each other so nice that our emotional attachment is very strong towards each other and i can surely say is love. We never do any sex. Even now i already confirmed i am a gay i also never do any anal sex as i feel it dirty and disgusting. I some times feel notti will touch his sexual part and he also touch me b4 but i feel that hes just wanted to disturb me only. At one point of time when i am riding on his motor bike, he told me he wanted to try out gay sex with me but as i dislike anal sex i told him i dont wanna do it. My friend try to seduce me by caressing my thighs and making me fully erected. I am afraid of touching him in case we all fall down from bike as he was driving at quite high speed. What i am thinking is my friend try to sound me out if i wanna have sex with him all along. Come to think of it if i let him try out on me i might already have turn him gay and be living with my most love one for the rest of my life. Fate seem to have decided when i chosen this action which i dont know if i should regret it or not.

 

Aww man, living with regret like that has to be painful, especially when you're thinking about whether the person you love the most could have possibly reciprocated your love and chosen to be with you. I feel your pain. Hugs. :(

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6 hours ago, SilentWolf said:

 

Wow I didn't realize there were all these new comments on my thread and i didnt get any notifications!

 

I feel your pain as I do have a straight friend who I have fallen for...been a few years now...I longed to do everything with him and even deluded myself that he could be gay but just not come out yet but I have now come to terms that he is straight and we will never spend our lives together. Reading your story does touch my heart strings as I have fantasized about us being able to do so much together like you and your friend have done. That said, I do think you've been really lucky to have a straight friend who accepts you and is willing to share so much of his life with you to even consider living together, even when he knows about your feelings towards him. I guess the consolation you can find in your situation is that your friend probably loves you as much as you love him, even though he can't spend the rest of his life with you and grow old together, and that married or not, you will have a special place in his heart that his wife can't fill. I hope so. :)

 

Life is not some Korean or whatever weepy soap-opera. He is straight. He may care as a friend, but that is about it. He is going to choose pussy over dick/ass. Move on. Start living your life. Find someone who is gay, and who will love you physically and emotionally. 

Edited by doncoin

Love. 

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I'll be 30 in a few months.

 

For the past 18 years I had to suppress that side of me that really wants to be a woman. Mainly from having drawn the man card, I felt I needed to embody the "male standards" of being masculine, aggressive and dominant. I was in a way ashamed. Whenever I would watch straight porn, I would imagine myself the female. Being at the beck and call and serving a dominant male. I am in no way, able to pass off anything remotely resembling a woman so whenever I slipped back into those tendencies, I would end up shaming myself into my "proper" male role.

 

I'm at a point where I'm just exhausted at hiding and suppressing my deepest wants and desires. I'm so done.

 

It's liberating. To feel liberated doesn't always necessarily mean happy but there is a big difference on your outlook on life when you no longer feel like you've carrying around that much emotional baggage. My steps feel lighter and I am not shy to smile anymore. At least now I feel like I can take the proper steps in working towards loving and accepting myself and just being less of a jaded asshole. I don't want to be jaded anymore.

Edited by Snapplejacked
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Guest Wei21
On 9/5/2016 at 8:09 PM, SilentWolf said:

Hi guys,

 

starting this thread out of curiosity. Is there anyone here who only realized you were gay when you were in your 30s or after you got married? What was your experience like, coming out at such a stage in your life and how did you deal with it? Was it very confusing, or was did it feel liberating? How did your life change then since you would probably have been settled down by then??

 

Just asking this because I have heard some stories of people realizing they were gay and cheating on their spouses, and I was curious as to why people would only come to terms with their sexuality so late, etc. Feel free to discuss! :D

 

It is never too late. I came out when I was 35. It was emotional and the big burden is gone. Do it whenever you are comfortable.

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