Date for marriage fixed 25 Dec 2016, but my wife to be decides to hold...Should I stay with him ?

[Guest Lost]

My life has been an absolute roller coaster for the past two years. Dealing shit real shit is not easy.

 

My wife whom I've know for more then ten years before we decided to get married decided to leave me after we got married for a unexplainable reason of wanting her single hood.

 

I tried to save my marriage for it didn't work. It takes two hands to clap.

 

I went into deep deep deep depression till I started to hear voices in my head. It became more frequent and started to dist...urb my life.

 

I had it a few times at work and it was so painful. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I feel I'm going mad like legitly crazy.

 

Recently I finally met a guy ( MY BEST NAB FOR OUR WEDDING)  whom I've admired for a while, an eye candy.

We met and had a good time. Within 2 weeks we met 6 time ready. Our connection is so intense it make us both happy.

 

He too had a breakup with his WIFE and is coming to terms with it. The gravity of his problems scales in comparison to mine but we both are dealing with a loss.

 

Now I'm really confused.

 

We both show many signs that we would want to be together but no one is making the first move. I don't know if I should or not.

 

What's holding me back is I'm technically still married and we are still in the process of making it official.

 

Plus I don't want to be the rebound guy for him also.

 

I want it to be true love. Having been hurt so bad previous I can't afford more pain.

 

Ever since we met we have been texting each other and I feel like I'm having this small boy crush.

 

I've also not had those stupid voice in my head since. I'm so happy when I'm with him around.

 

His hug is so warm it comforts me. You know some people can put a smile on your face right, well he puts a smile in my heart.

 

What should I do?

 

I'm so lost and confused.

[Brocklm]

Just pluck your courage up and confess your love for him and make it official.

[Allegro]

Doesn't seem like love, more like needing to hang on to someone.

[Guest Guest]

Nothing venture nothing gain..from another thread I supposed.

Whether straight or gay relationships the break up part is the hardest to bear.

Just follow your heart and best wishes !

[doncoin]

You need to deal with your depression first before entering into a relationship with another person. If you are still hearing voices, you need to see a psychiatrist ASAP. 

[wantonmee]

I'm lost and confused too.

What's this potential BL plot gotta do with the date of marriage on 25 Dec again?

Edited October 18, 2016 by wantonmee

[Guest Lost]

I just had another exchange with aher in a long chain of such exchanges where she gets pissed off at me and decides to deal with it by accusing me of being (In this case) "more concern to my BEST MAN ," and then lecturing me on how I'm not meeting her standard of spending time with her, when shes the one who wants to delayt the wedding.

And I'll be honest here, she might be right. My first instinct is even to assume that she's right and I'm wrong, just apologize and everything will be okay, because I've spent my whole fucking life doing that with women, and it's a difficult habit to change.

 

It also doesn't help that she's older than me, and quite possibly does understand things that I don't.

But I'm fucking tired of this shit and wedding and I'm not going to just apologize. If she wants to talk about it, she can address the issue in a respectful manner.

 

But I know she's probably acting this way because she's used to men just apologizing.

 

Should I save the wedding or get on with my life for Bryan ?

That's all. Had to get it off my chest.

[Guest Lost]

My real problem is that I'm scared to face the situations that I have to face after marriage, Me and my fiancee have different food habits, we belong to different communities.

 

I am scared that I will not be able to adapt to the changes that will come after marriage.

 

Please help.

 

I have tried: I'm in relationship with a guy from past 2 years... everything is fine between us except the idea of marriage, now she backed up, after I have spend so much money in wedding plans, landed property....etc

 

Should I leave the marriage and get on with him instead ?

[Happypup]

Dear TS,

 

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

 

Sounds pretty sticky and tough to handle for anyone to deal with.

 

Fundamentally, I think you should break the problem into 2 (bite-size problems easier to deal handle)

 

1) Marriage

If you cannot truly be yourself, and tbh, your wife sounds borderline abusive (psychologically), then you should just call the marriage quits. I hope you guys don't have any kids at the moment that is. Afterall, she was the one that wanted to end the rship, and so be it since (I assume) she is not even good for you.

 

2) Best Man

This is a tricky one. Personally, I think that unless you are SURE of his feelings towards you (romantically), you should hold your horses first. You may not be in the best state of mind currently to analyse emotions objectively. For all you know, it could really be a "divorced men support group" or "brotherly" kind of thing. Consider getting your marriage sorted out first, and stay status quo with your special friend. It is not too late to pull yourself out from the layers of ordeal first before deciding whether to proceed with the next relationship.

 

I wish you all the best. JIayou!!! =)

Edited October 18, 2016 by Happypup

[Guest Guest]

Pls think twice about your marriage first.

Agree with Happypup.

[Guest Loss]

Technically , married , but not customary despite so sex or whatsoever

 

Which means a divorce to come, losing all 50% of my estate, ( even though the landed property is still in my name ) all my wedding costs, cancellation of dinner call off....and many other costs.

 

All these I have to bear for nothing of my fault.

 

Anyone has been through the same ?

[Cube3]

20 minutes ago, Guest Loss said:

Technically , married , but not customary despite so sex or whatsoever

 

Which means a divorce to come, losing all 50% of my estate, ( even though the landed property is still in my name ) all my wedding costs, cancellation of dinner call off....and many other costs.

 

All these I have to bear for nothing of my fault.

 

Anyone has been through the same ?

 

If no sex, can you annul the marriage? Might be good for her too, cuz she can avoid status as divorcee...?

[Guest Guest]

Isn't it better to nip the bud once and for all ?No one can guarantee you if your marriage is going to work or not , only you know it better , money is secondary though now you may have incur a big loss, you have to think in the long run are you going to be happy living with her or not , it's a lifetime not just for the present moment !

Settle your marriage problem first before anything else !

 

[Happypup]

1 hour ago, Guest Loss said:

Technically , married , but not customary despite so sex or whatsoever

 

Which means a divorce to come, losing all 50% of my estate, ( even though the landed property is still in my name ) all my wedding costs, cancellation of dinner call off....and many other costs.

 

All these I have to bear for nothing of my fault.

 

Anyone has been through the same ?

 

I do have a colleague whose fiancee cancelled their wedding last minute as well. That is after they paid for their HDB down payment. No choice really gotta suck thumb there.

 

May I know why did your wife married you in the first place? For love or for money?

 

Not sure whether there are any clauses that protect men in this case, however, as your asset lost is rather considerable, you might like to go seek the opinion of a strong divorce lawyer.

[Guest Incredible]

Unbelievable trolling by TS.

[Guest Tonychen]

Absolutely ridiculous n obvious troll.

feels like same person writing as the thread about the bi looking for relationship . 

[Carpenter]

i feel trippy here, so are u already married for ten years or just about to marry her by the end of the year?

 

u need to communicate with your "wife" about the issue though. that's why u should sign a prenup agreement before marriage cus if u got divorce u know what u will lose. if u want to be with the guy, u could wait until after ur issues are solved n u r not stressed, cus if u do that means u r only with him bc u both went through the same pain n that's not love.

[Guest Bogart]

This story is so sad. I can't help but cry. There are really unfortunate people in this world.

 

TS, you have to get real. Be true to yourself. It will set you free. 

[Guest Guest]

I can't help but wonder too if this is real because there seemed to be loopholes everywhere. But I give you the benefit of the doubt here. 

 

Anyway, I suppose you are at least 30 with a successful career with a high paying job because you now own a landed property? Unless it's an inheritance, not many people can afford a HDB, much less landed property, so early in life.

 

My point is, to be so successful in your career, you would definitely possess lots of positive qualities e.g. leadership, confident, and should have the mental capacity to handle most situations and stress well? But you seemed to be on the verge of a mental breakdown e.g. hearing voices, and unable to make sound decisions, hence you are here to seek advice.

 

You know your wife for more than 10 years and decided to get married. So it can't be a rash decision and you must know her really well to want to spend your life with her. Yet your last 2 years was like a nightmare, because of her?

 

So, like most bros here suggest, re-evaluate your marriage and relationship with her. Can you continue your marriage for the rest of your life or is it better to have a clean break now? You are so successful and you can earn the money back faster than most of us here giving you advice.

 

if you choose to continue with your marriage, then do what you have to do to save your marriage and don't step foot into this forum. But you need to seek psychiatric help if things are really bad and your mind can't handle it. If you think it's a lost cause, cut things off now before your customary marriage and wedding dinner and start afresh. There's no point lamenting over what's lost or going to be lost i.e. money. Then only maybe you have some future prospects with your best man.

 

My parting advice is handle it like a man. And move on from here. Good luck!